Messing With Your Mind QI XL


Messing With Your Mind

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This programme contains some strong language.

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GOOD evening, good evening, good evening, good evening,

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good evening, good evening and welcome to QI,

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where this week I shall be messing with your minds.

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Joining me on the psychiatrist's couch,

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we have the open-minded Sarah Millican.

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APPLAUSE

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The sharp-minded Josh Widdicombe.

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APPLAUSE

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The broad-minded Tommy Tiernan.

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APPLAUSE

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And...

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Oh, never mind, it's Alan Davies.

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APPLAUSE

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So, let's be mindful of their buzzers.

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Sarah goes...

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MUSIC: Always On My Mind by Elvis Presley

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Josh goes...

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MUSIC: Got My Mind Set On You by George Harrison

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Tommy goes...

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MUSIC: Making Your Mind Up by Bucks Fizz

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And Alan goes...

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-TRAIN RATTLES

-'Mind the gap. Mind the gap.'

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LAUGHTER

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Good.

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So, it's time to get down to minding our own business.

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Alan, we've been working together now for 13 years,

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playing together, I like to think of it.

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-But of course.

-Quite wrongly.

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And we get on like a, like a mouse on fire.

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Was it love at first sight?

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Oh, yeah, absolutely, Stephen.

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KLAXON Oh!

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That's such a shame.

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No. No, it wasn't.

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Well, it's about the mind and another capacity of the mind,

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one of its most important capacities, that begins with M.

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-Memory.

-Memory is right, yeah. Absolutely.

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Can we really remember things?

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13 years ago, emotional states,

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do we remember them accurately?

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Things like falling in love at first sight.

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But isn't there a difference between fact and truth?

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-Right.

-So...

-JOSH:

-13 years of QI saps us.

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-That's good...

-Keep going, we like this.

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This could really help me on this show, you know.

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So, I would remember stuff from my childhood that my father says

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didn't happen, but there's truth in the memory.

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-Yes.

-I have a memory, he would suggest that it never happened,

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of him holding me by the ankles over the side of a ship.

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LAUGHTER

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And he says he...

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So, he thinks that's a false memory syndrome event.

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He questions it, but I know that the feeling of being held by the ankles

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over the side of a ship by my father speaks a truth of my childhood.

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-Right.

-That the facts may not support.

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-It doesn't mean...

-Is your dad...?

-It's very profound and correct.

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So there's truth in the feeling of the memory,

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so the feeling is nothing to do with facts.

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You wouldn't fail a lie detector test

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if you explained that memory to a polygraph.

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-Much to my father's chagrin.

-Right.

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I think I've got the opposite,

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cos I think my first memory is something that I've been told

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so many times happened, that I don't think I do remember it.

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-I did...

-Yes, so that's the opposite of what happened to Tommy.

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-You've had yours reinforced by your family.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

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Does that make you worry that you might be a robot?

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And like they've just been,

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all these memories have just been uploaded.

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Well, we're all a bit like that.

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Certainly in terms of falling in love at first sight, there was

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a survey of 10,000 people in long-term relationships

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and half of the men in that survey

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said they fell in love at first sight.

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A quarter of the women said they fell in love at first sight.

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So a lot of men were fooling themselves.

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No, what that is, though, I think that's just the law of averages,

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because say like you're a single man, I think when I've been single,

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I fall in love with women 20 to 30 times a day.

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LAUGHTER

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-I think...

-So, the law of averages,

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eventually the one I get together with,

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she'll be one of the 400,000 I fell in love with.

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There is a sense in which many people would say

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that despite this view of women's sentimental literature

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and the rest of it, men are far more sentimental than women.

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Women are practical and less sentimental

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-and they probably have a clearer...

-Because women...

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LAUGHTER

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-There, see.

-Why has he got it facing away from him though?!

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That's so rude!

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On the other side of the wallet, it's a picture of Stephen.

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Bound to be.

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APPLAUSE

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Oh, dear.

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He's looking at the back of your head.

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Yeah, maybe that's what it is.

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That's rather, you see there he's all dreamy-eyed

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-and maybe you're clear-eyed.

-Well, women are more practical

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because they've got more shit to get done.

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-Yeah. Yeah.

-That's what it is.

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Do you know that story about the journalist who interviewed

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a busy sort of woman and said they were doing this

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survey about who makes the important decisions in your household.

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She said, "Oh, my husband makes all the important decisions, I make all

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"the trivial decisions, like what the children should wear and what they

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"should eat and how much we should spend on our household budget, and

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"where we should go on holiday and what sort of car we should drive.

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"But my husband makes all the important decisions, like whether

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"there should be a United Nations presence in Bosnia for example."

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That sort of sums up basically men fantasising about political things,

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where women get on with the real business of life, maybe.

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-I don't think I fell in love at first sight.

-You didn't?

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I don't think so. I don't think, that makes it sound...

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I've never been so hurt in my life.

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There are other memory tricks.

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Can you remember what you were doing when the World Trade Center was hit?

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Yes. I was one of the first people in England to find out

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because I was watching lunchtime Neighbours.

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LAUGHTER

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One of the four people to find out then.

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And they interrupted, it was at the end of lunchtime Neighbours.

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-They crossed straight to New York.

-So, you saw the first plane go in?

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-Yeah. Well, first, I saw Lou close up the pub.

-Yeah!

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LAUGHTER

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A friend of mine was living in New York when it happened,

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-And slept through it.

-Wow.

-Wow.

-Wow.

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He'd been out drinking the night before.

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-This friend of yours, was he Irish?

-Irish, yes.

-Yes.

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LAUGHTER

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"Bloody hell, what's going on?"

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"Where the fuck is everybody?"

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"What a night!"

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-JOSH:

-What a night!

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Well, a lot of people will tell you that they saw the first plane

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go in to the tower on 9/11 and then the second

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and then them both falling.

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What they can't have seen is the first plane going in.

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That was only shown on television on the second day.

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Because it would have been very suspicious

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if they'd cut to New York before that plane hit the tower.

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LAUGHTER

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Josh, that's exactly what the conspiracy theorists think

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because George W Bush said, you know,

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"Seeing that plane go in to the first tower, my heart sank."

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Everyone said, "Ah, he saw it,

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"that means he must have had a secret camera watching it,

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"that means he must have planned it,"

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but, in fact, it just means he had a faulty memory like many people.

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-Cos he was reading a book about my first goat, was it?

-To children.

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To children, yeah, not just to himself.

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LAUGHTER

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Well, similar to your memories,

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they have found that research has convinced 70% of participants

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that they had committed crimes, including theft and assault,

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during their adolescence, even though none of them had.

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They just talked to them about it and they said,

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"According to your parents, you did this," and social pressure,

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most people are able to retrieve memories of things they've done.

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"You stole a car when you were... Don't you remember?"

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And they kind of go, "Oh, yeah.

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"Yes, yes, I did, that's right."

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When my father can't sleep, he says he lies in bed

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and tries to remember things he's never remembered before.

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Wow!

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That's very, that's profound.

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It's amazing.

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Yes, well, we'll do an experiment actually with memory

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a little later on.

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So there we are. I can't remember what kind of point

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I was trying to make there.

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But fortunately, neither can you.

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Now for something that should seriously mess with your mind,

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how much would you pay for a machine that can print money?

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TOMMY'S BUZZER

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Nothing, because the person you bought it from wouldn't need cash.

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-Oh, clever.

-Very good.

-Clever.

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Well, I'm going to put it up for offers, because I've got

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a machine which I hope you will see is able to print money.

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What I've got is a piece of paper,

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which is the right size.

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And my printer, which is pretty accurate.

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-At least if I print it well.

-Ah, very good.

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Well, there it is.

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-Oooh.

-There you go.

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-Blimey!

-What do you think?

-Eh?

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APPLAUSE

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There you are.

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So, how much would you pay for that machine?

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I'd pay a tenner, because...

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LAUGHTER

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And then I'd go out onto the South Bank and make loads of money.

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We'll keep that.

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We'll keep that, we'll keep that ten and maybe we'll see

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if we can make more money later on.

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But, this idea of making money, of course goes

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deep, deep, deep into human nature,

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and there was a man called Victor Lustig,

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who was one of the great conmen of the time who, unlike me,

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cheated and built a machine that actually didn't print money at all,

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whereas mine, as you can see, genuinely does.

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He, in his lifetime, sold the Eiffel Tower -

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twice - so he was pretty good.

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But he also built a machine for creating 100 bills

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and then he would sell the machine for 30,000.

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It was very successful, he went to prison.

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I was given a rose underneath the Eiffel Tower once.

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-Just handed a rose.

-You were given a rose?

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Yeah, it was so lovely and I didn't think

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-I looked especially nice that day but maybe I did.

-I am sure you did.

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And then the same man ran after my husband for 15 Euros.

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LAUGHTER

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I think if you had a machine that made money...

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-As I do.

-..as you do...

-Yes.

-..I think it would drive you demented

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and I think you'd probably knock great craic out of it

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for about a year and then you'd do anything to get rid of it.

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Would you make the money at home or would you just keep

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the machine in your handbag?

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It would be a curse cos you'd never leave the machine.

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You wouldn't be able to leave the machine.

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Yes, I make about 2,000 or 3,000 every morning

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and if I need more, I will come back.

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Are you talking about voice-over work?

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LAUGHTER

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Damn!

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APPLAUSE

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So, yeah, you probably weren't completely convinced

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by my moneymaking machine. but tell me this,

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which do you find most convincing - the IKEA Effect,

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the Rhyme As Reason Effect

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or the Frequency Illusion?

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Is the IKEA Effect just arrows on the floor?

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Is that what that is?

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Just not being able to get out of anywhere ever.

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That, if you can...

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Is that prison? Is that prison?

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Prison with tea lights.

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It may be better understood by saying things like

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if you make crab apple jelly, say, or jam - in my case, apricot jam,

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I made last year, it's just the best apricot jam there ever was.

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I knew this, it's a fact.

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It's the best apricot jam anyone's ever tasted.

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But I'm told that it's part of the IKEA Effect. In other words,

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if you've made it yourself from your own ingredients, you just think it's

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better than anything else that you can buy in a shop or anything else.

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-Is that why people are really smug about their babies?

-Yes.

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LAUGHTER

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Basically, they are an IKEA Effect.

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APPLAUSE

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Do you ever have any equivalent of that effect?

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I am fierce fond of a decent bowel movement.

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LAUGHTER

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"Fierce fond"!

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I like that.

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I will often call my wife and children in and...

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"Look what Daddy made.

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"Even while I was reading!"

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-JOSH:

-That is preferable to if you're a fan of someone else's

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though, isn't it?

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I'm huge fan of Alan Davies's bowel movements.

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That's very unlikely.

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I think things like you're going through the forest

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and you see a hole up a tree and you throw a stone at it

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and the first one, your stone goes straight in the hole.

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There's never any one around.

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There's never any one to watch you, that's true. That's very satis...

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Squirrel comes out going...

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Well, let's move on to the second in our list, then, which is

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the Rhyme As Reason Effect.

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What do you think that can be about?

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Is that like, "No pain, no gain"?

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-Yes.

-Or, "Treat them mean, keep them keen" would be another.

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-Yes.

-Oh, like, there's loads of alcohol ones,

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isn't there, like, "If you drink wine you'll be fine" and...

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-Oh, yeah, yeah.

-"Beer, you'll be queer."

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Only shots, yeah.

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But that did work, didn't it, Stephen?

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It did, yeah, yeah. It worked on me.

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-"Only shots, you'll get the trots", that sort of thing.

-Yeah.

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Yeah, all the boozy ones.

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-Yeah, isn't there one with grape and grain?

-Yeah.

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Never the twain with... No.

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-LAUGHING:

-..with the grape and grain.

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They do seem to work, in as much as, if you suggest a kind of rhyming

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piece of advice to someone, and to another group of people you put the

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same sentiment that doesn't rhyme, they'll believe the rhyming one.

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So, for example, they gave "wealth makes health,"

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to a group of people, and almost all of them agreed with it.

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They then said, "Financial success improves medical outcomes."

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Catchy. It's catchy.

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And they didn't agree at all, despite it meaning the same thing.

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So it shows there is a strange quality that a rhyming phrase has.

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It's easier to remember as well,

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-so you might want to pass it on to somebody else.

-That's right.

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If it rhymes.

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And it seems just to have some sort of authority or imprimatur,

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that an ordinary phrase doesn't. It's also the Keats heuristic -

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because it's beautiful, it must be true.

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Beauty is truth and truth beauty, is the idea.

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You may remember OJ Simpson's defence lawyer,

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Johnnie Cochran, do you remember him?

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-Oh, it doesn't fit.

-If the glove doesn't fit...

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-If the glove doesn't fit...

-..you must...

-Acquit.

-Acquit.

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That's it, yeah.

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That seems to be one of the things that got OJ...

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That's quite specific as well,

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you can't use that, like, every day, can you?

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It's not going to come up a lot, that one, is it?

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No. It worked on the day, though.

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-You've got to be in it...

-To win it.

-..to win it. Yes.

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Points mean prizes.

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-No, I'm not very good at this, am I?

-Hang on.

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LAUGHTER

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An apple a day, of course, the doctor away.

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Red light in the sky, shepherd's pie. No, that's not...

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LAUGHTER

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Red sky at night, shepherds' delight. Yes.

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The Frequency Illusion, does that mean anything to you?

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No.

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No reason why it should.

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When I used the word "heuristic", it may be that you didn't know

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the word, but it's quite likely that in a couple of days you might

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see it in a magazine or hear someone else using it on the radio or

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TV and you go, "That's weird, I only just heard that word

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"for the first time two days ago, and now it keeps cropping up everywhere."

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-Have you ever had that experience?

-Yeah. I was talking to Richard Osman

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about this, cos he was complaining about people saying there's always

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-tennis questions on Pointless.

-Oh, yes.

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And the moment you think

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that there's tennis questions on Pointless,

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if you see one, you think,

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-"Well, that completely reinforces everything."

-Yes, that's right.

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All these things are called a sort of cognitive bias, they push

0:16:120:16:16

you into a way of thinking, some different ways of thinking.

0:16:160:16:20

So, you can tell the most appalling lie,

0:16:200:16:23

if it rhymes or it's featured on QI.

0:16:230:16:26

What did the amnesiac say when the doctor asked him his name?

0:16:260:16:30

TOMMY'S BUZZER

0:16:300:16:33

I don't know the answer to that question.

0:16:330:16:35

Oh! KLAXON

0:16:350:16:37

No, no, I was telling you that...

0:16:370:16:40

-That you didn't know the... Very clever.

-Right...

0:16:400:16:42

Very clever, give him his points back.

0:16:420:16:44

He didn't know the answer to the question.

0:16:440:16:47

Did he just say his name,

0:16:470:16:48

because it was written on the inside label of his knickers?

0:16:480:16:51

That would be the contortionist amnesiac.

0:16:510:16:55

Yeah.

0:16:550:16:56

There's the guy that... They said, "What's your name?" and he

0:16:560:17:00

asked for a pen and paper, and he drew a piano and they brought him

0:17:000:17:03

a piano and he wouldn't speak to them, but he'd just play the piano.

0:17:030:17:06

-Do you remember this guy?

-I do.

0:17:060:17:07

Yeah, and then it turned out, I think, that he was a con artist.

0:17:070:17:10

-Yeah, he was.

-He didn't have amnesia at all.

0:17:100:17:12

Because, if you have amnesia, you don't forget your name

0:17:120:17:15

and you don't forget your past life.

0:17:150:17:17

What you're not capable of doing

0:17:170:17:19

is remembering new things that happen to you.

0:17:190:17:21

-That's the point.

-You've just ruined loads of films.

0:17:210:17:23

I know, you're absolutely right.

0:17:230:17:25

It's films in particular that relish this idea that you

0:17:250:17:28

might have a trauma and you lose all memory of who you are

0:17:280:17:31

and you become a fresh, new, empty person.

0:17:310:17:34

And very often as well a second clump on the head

0:17:340:17:38

will bring your memory back.

0:17:380:17:39

And all this is utterly unknown to medical science.

0:17:390:17:43

-It's completely made up.

-A very rudimentary psychiatric hospital in

0:17:430:17:46

the west of Ireland would use that as a technique.

0:17:460:17:48

LAUGHTER A clump on the back of the head.

0:17:480:17:51

If it was a thump on the head that got you sick,

0:17:510:17:53

it'll be a thump on the head that'll make you better.

0:17:530:17:56

There's another kind of cognitive impairment which is to do with

0:17:560:17:59

the fact that if you take a photograph of something,

0:17:590:18:02

you don't remember nearly as well as if you look at it.

0:18:020:18:06

Do you know, they should announce that before every concert and say...

0:18:060:18:11

I think anyone who takes a photo at a concert needs to be thrown out.

0:18:110:18:16

Out of the country.

0:18:160:18:17

LAUGHTER

0:18:170:18:19

It does my head in.

0:18:190:18:20

It is very peculiar.

0:18:200:18:22

Especially, as you say, knowing as we do,

0:18:220:18:24

that you'll remember it better if you just look.

0:18:240:18:26

And also in that situation, you can just get a postcard in the shop.

0:18:260:18:30

Yes, exactly!

0:18:300:18:31

Interestingly, on the other hand,

0:18:310:18:33

if you zoom in on an object in a museum or something like that,

0:18:330:18:37

you remember both the area you zoomed in on and the object itself

0:18:370:18:41

because, there, you're concentrating on the thing rather than just

0:18:410:18:44

framing it, so that's a strange mental thing.

0:18:440:18:48

Yeah, we're back in Memory Lane and now it's time for our memory test.

0:18:480:18:52

All right, I want the audience and you four,

0:18:520:18:55

if you'd be kind enough, to listen to and remember these words.

0:18:550:18:59

Bed. Rest. Awake.

0:18:590:19:04

Tired. Dream. Wake.

0:19:040:19:07

Snooze. Blanket. Doze.

0:19:070:19:12

Slumber.

0:19:120:19:13

Snore. Nap.

0:19:130:19:15

Peace. Yawn.

0:19:150:19:17

Drowsy.

0:19:170:19:19

All right?

0:19:190:19:22

Remember those words, if you'd be so kind.

0:19:220:19:24

Good. Well, I think we've earned ourselves

0:19:240:19:26

-another money-making moment, yes? Go on.

-Excellent.

0:19:260:19:30

Because I've got another machine. Well, it's not a machine

0:19:300:19:32

in this case, it's just an ordinary blotter and a piece of paper.

0:19:320:19:37

This is a, see, there you are.

0:19:370:19:40

It's all pretty straightforward.

0:19:400:19:42

The blotter is to blot out all the excess ink as we try

0:19:420:19:46

and print out this, we try and print it out, there we go.

0:19:460:19:49

Oh, let's have a go. Oh.

0:19:490:19:53

-Oh, yes, that's worked.

-Now that is good.

-That's good.

-That is so good.

0:19:530:19:56

APPLAUSE

0:19:560:20:00

There you are. More money for us.

0:20:000:20:03

Isn't that pleasing?

0:20:030:20:04

Are you going to show us how they work later on?

0:20:040:20:07

-Of course!

-Good.

0:20:070:20:08

Before I kill you.

0:20:080:20:10

-I don't mind. I don't mind. No.

-Oh, you don't mind, good, no.

0:20:110:20:13

-It's just...

-If you do any...

-What a way to go,

0:20:130:20:16

that's a trade-off I'll take.

0:20:160:20:17

Now for some multiple choice, listen carefully. True or false?

0:20:170:20:22

True or false questions are more likely to be true than false.

0:20:220:20:26

-I'm going to...

-I need an answer.

0:20:330:20:35

JOSH'S BUZZER

0:20:350:20:37

Oh, I love George Harrison.

0:20:370:20:39

I'm going to go...true.

0:20:390:20:42

-Is the right answer.

-Oh!

0:20:420:20:43

APPLAUSE

0:20:430:20:45

Very good. Yeah.

0:20:450:20:47

50/50 ball, as they say.

0:20:490:20:51

And you did well, that's right. Yeah, it's...

0:20:510:20:53

But there isn't a vault or a bank where all the true or false

0:20:530:20:57

questions in the world were ever asked

0:20:570:21:00

and somebody decides to count which are more true or more false.

0:21:000:21:04

That's like saying, when you're given directions, is the first

0:21:040:21:08

direction more often likely to be turn left or turn right?

0:21:080:21:12

Depends where you're going.

0:21:120:21:13

-Left.

-Yes.

0:21:130:21:15

But you can analyse a huge bank of questions, which is what was done.

0:21:150:21:19

American exam questions, in this instance.

0:21:190:21:21

And they found that it was 56% of them the answer was true,

0:21:210:21:26

-and 44% the answer was false.

-Right.

0:21:260:21:28

And it seems the reason is that the examiners, of course,

0:21:280:21:30

have to think of the questions all the time, and it's a lot

0:21:300:21:33

easier to think of a true question than it is to think of a false one.

0:21:330:21:37

When I did my GCSEs, they said as a tip,

0:21:370:21:41

if you're doing a multiple choice, A, B, C, D,

0:21:410:21:44

and you don't know the answer, go B or C, because the lazy examiners

0:21:440:21:49

are more likely to put the answer in the middle than on the edge.

0:21:490:21:54

Would have been better if they just taught us the answers.

0:21:540:21:57

-Yes, I was going to say.

-Just important to...

0:21:570:22:00

Don't worry about learning about science, just go C.

0:22:000:22:03

All right, I'll give you another chance then, OK.

0:22:030:22:06

If question one is true in an exam, what is question two likely to be?

0:22:060:22:13

True.

0:22:130:22:14

Oh! KLAXON

0:22:140:22:16

No, true, false, true, false is more prevalent.

0:22:160:22:20

Oh, that's so boring, though.

0:22:200:22:21

It's not absolutely guaranteed, of course,

0:22:210:22:23

but the chance the next answer will be different

0:22:230:22:26

from the present one is 63%, though, so it's quite a high amount.

0:22:260:22:28

So if question two the answer was true,

0:22:280:22:31

question three, 63% that it will be false.

0:22:310:22:34

The way therefore to optimise your scores, if you're doing a true

0:22:340:22:37

or false, is to answer all the ones you know the answer to, obviously.

0:22:370:22:42

Then the ones next to them, put the opposite.

0:22:420:22:45

And then all the rest that are left over put true.

0:22:460:22:49

And then you've got your best chance of a good score.

0:22:490:22:52

-Oh, that's, I like it.

-Yeah.

-Or just revise more.

0:22:520:22:55

Or just revise more.

0:22:550:22:57

Yeah, you are everything that is wrong with British education.

0:22:570:23:00

LAUGHTER

0:23:000:23:02

Now, I'd like you to watch this film and tell me what happens.

0:23:020:23:06

When am I going to have to repeat all these words

0:23:080:23:10

that you made us remember?

0:23:100:23:12

LAUGHTER

0:23:120:23:13

Keep thinking of them.

0:23:130:23:14

Now, what's been happening while you've been watching?

0:23:140:23:17

Oh, it's blinking.

0:23:170:23:19

Oh, look, there's a different person!

0:23:210:23:23

Oh, the dog's still there.

0:23:240:23:26

-It's a woman.

-Well, there we are.

0:23:290:23:30

Now, so what have you seen?

0:23:300:23:32

That thing's just appeared.

0:23:320:23:34

-What thing's that?

-On the purple.

0:23:340:23:36

What's that brown thing?

0:23:360:23:37

The brown thing on the purple. In the centre there?

0:23:370:23:40

Yeah. Has that been there all the time?

0:23:400:23:42

Yeah, no, it's always been there, yeah, I said that.

0:23:420:23:45

LAUGHTER

0:23:450:23:46

Tell me what you're sure you've seen.

0:23:460:23:48

Well, there was a girl with an umbrella and then it turned into a person with a dog.

0:23:480:23:51

-Indeterminate.

-The man with the dog turned into a woman with a dog.

0:23:510:23:56

-Right.

-Is that right?

-Well, we'll see.

0:23:560:23:58

Let's have a look, this time without the blinks

0:23:580:24:00

and there's rather a lot you've missed.

0:24:000:24:03

-Oh!

-King of Thai noodle comes up. JOSH:

-I was wondering that...

0:24:030:24:05

-Oh, no, it's still there.

-Yeah, the lighting, Thai noodle.

0:24:050:24:08

-No way!

-No, shut up!

0:24:080:24:11

-TOMMY:

-I didn't see that at all.

-JOSH:

-Stephen Fry!

0:24:110:24:14

-How can you do this to us?

-Isn't it amazing? Wow!

0:24:140:24:19

I spent my whole time looking at the person.

0:24:190:24:22

-That's what humans do.

-The tree turned up.

0:24:220:24:25

Have you seen that video, there's a study they did in America and

0:24:260:24:30

you have, there's these people passing basketballs back and forwards...

0:24:300:24:33

-Yes.

-..and you have to count how many...

-How many passes.

0:24:330:24:37

..and they missed that a guy dressed in huge ape suit comes along

0:24:370:24:40

-and does that.

-Waving at the camera!

0:24:400:24:43

It is extraordinary. It's a famous experiment and a brilliant one.

0:24:430:24:46

That's absolutely right, Josh.

0:24:460:24:48

This was a short film shown at the Royal Institution Christmas Lecture

0:24:480:24:51

by Professor Bruce Hood, who is a great friend of QI

0:24:510:24:54

and he has given us that film and that kind of blindness,

0:24:540:24:57

as it were, to changes in the scene

0:24:570:24:59

and to things that happen is very common and is a problem for

0:24:590:25:03

witnesses and so on, but it's also every day it might happen to us.

0:25:030:25:08

If you look into a mirror

0:25:080:25:10

and you look at your right eye in the mirror and then you look

0:25:100:25:14

at your left eye, you never see your eyes move, but they do.

0:25:140:25:18

Why don't you see it?

0:25:180:25:20

The reason is the brain shuts down your vision for that moment

0:25:200:25:23

so you are functionally blind at just that incredibly small moment.

0:25:230:25:26

That's weird.

0:25:260:25:28

But we don't question the fact that we don't see our eyes move.

0:25:280:25:30

We sort of don't expect to because we're used not to.

0:25:300:25:33

We're used to not seeing our eyes move but anybody watching us

0:25:330:25:36

would see our eyes moving cos they are.

0:25:360:25:38

Do you ever do that thing where you look at your eyes in the mirror

0:25:380:25:41

and then you like move your head around

0:25:410:25:43

and it just looks like your eyes are staying in the same place.

0:25:430:25:45

-Yes, it's very extraordinary, isn't it?

-Hours of fun.

0:25:450:25:48

LAUGHTER

0:25:480:25:50

I didn't have many toys when I was growing up.

0:25:500:25:53

But that's enough, you own body is a wonderful toy. Oh, I wish I...

0:25:530:25:56

LAUGHTER

0:25:560:25:57

APPLAUSE

0:25:570:25:59

Oh, sorry!

0:25:590:26:01

It's called saccadic masking, this form of blindness

0:26:030:26:08

and it can add up to 30 to 45 minutes a day in most humans.

0:26:080:26:12

It means we're temporarily blind for 2% of our lives.

0:26:120:26:15

How many people are looking in the mirror for that length of time everyday?

0:26:150:26:18

No, it's not only looking into the mirror.

0:26:180:26:20

There are other moments.

0:26:200:26:22

Just 45 minutes, just watching myself...

0:26:220:26:25

get older.

0:26:250:26:26

Inattentional blindness stops you from noticing things

0:26:280:26:31

that are right in front of your eyes.

0:26:310:26:33

So, pay attention now, it's time for another magical money-making moment.

0:26:330:26:37

Oh.

0:26:370:26:38

Yes. I've got a proper, proper printing press here.

0:26:380:26:41

It's very, it's a rather exciting one,

0:26:410:26:44

and as you can see, it's got all the bells and whistles.

0:26:440:26:47

And it's even got a little calibration here.

0:26:470:26:49

I'm going to, let's, can you see it's on ten, I'm going

0:26:490:26:51

to move it up to 20. Because I've got a 20-sized one here.

0:26:510:26:55

This may, I hope this works.

0:26:550:26:56

It takes a long time to fill it with ink,

0:26:560:26:58

so if it doesn't work, I'm not going to do it twice.

0:26:580:27:01

Oh, yes, that works. Oh, good, there you are.

0:27:010:27:03

-Oh, wow.

-There you are. APPLAUSE

0:27:030:27:05

Oh, there we go.

0:27:060:27:08

Stephen, hold on, one of the options is 100.

0:27:080:27:12

I just want to see what one of them looks like.

0:27:120:27:14

OK. OK.

0:27:140:27:15

Oh, oh, there we go.

0:27:170:27:19

And, oh... Oh, it's a 50. It should be 100.

0:27:190:27:23

Oh, it is 100. There you are!

0:27:230:27:25

That's good.

0:27:250:27:27

APPLAUSE

0:27:270:27:29

There we are.

0:27:290:27:31

So, yeah, we've made a, made a proper amount of money today.

0:27:310:27:35

Just shows, with a little application

0:27:350:27:38

and a little skill, you can make money pretty easily.

0:27:380:27:41

-That's amazing.

-Yes.

0:27:410:27:43

But I feel guilty about it, so I'll probably give it away,

0:27:430:27:46

to a bookmaker.

0:27:460:27:48

LAUGHTER

0:27:480:27:50

Now, how much sleep does a paradoxical insomniac get?

0:27:500:27:55

TOMMY'S BUZZER

0:27:550:27:57

Paradoxical, lots?

0:27:570:27:59

Well, yes. He does.

0:27:590:28:02

-More than he thinks.

-Yes.

0:28:030:28:05

It's like a paradoxical kleptomaniac who leaves things in shops.

0:28:050:28:09

What a wonderful thing to be.

0:28:120:28:14

APPLAUSE

0:28:140:28:16

Oh, look, he's left a DVD on the teabags again.

0:28:160:28:20

Yeah, it's a very rare condition, but essentially your body sleeps

0:28:210:28:25

very happily and all the scientific equipment that goes onto the

0:28:250:28:29

brain to check that you're sleeping shows that you are sleeping,

0:28:290:28:33

but you're awake, and you remember where you are and what's going on.

0:28:330:28:37

But you're refreshed.

0:28:370:28:38

-Are you doing stuff, like are you driving a bus or something?

-No.

0:28:380:28:41

No, absolutely not. No, they're definitely asleep in bed.

0:28:410:28:44

So which one of those two is it?

0:28:440:28:46

They are aware of their surroundings during the night,

0:28:460:28:49

as if they were awake, but they quite clearly weren't.

0:28:490:28:52

-Every brain scan shows they are asleep.

-Is this now an advantage?

0:28:520:28:55

-No.

-It's weird, yes.

0:28:550:28:56

It's called properly "sleep state misperception".

0:28:560:28:59

There's also an opposite condition,

0:28:590:29:01

negative sleep state misperception, in which you think

0:29:010:29:04

you've been sleeping for much longer than you have.

0:29:040:29:06

You're convinced you've slept for eight hours...

0:29:060:29:08

When you wake up when you're beard is wet and you go,

0:29:080:29:11

"How the hell!" And you go back to sleep.

0:29:110:29:14

LAUGHTER

0:29:140:29:16

So are these people, do they...? Sorry, I don't really understand

0:29:160:29:21

and I think you're lying, but anyway.

0:29:210:29:25

Are these people the sort of people, do they say,

0:29:250:29:27

"I've had a good night's sleep," or, "I haven't slept a wink"?

0:29:270:29:29

How do they feel? They feel refreshed?

0:29:290:29:31

-They feel refreshed, they feel fine.

-How do they know they haven't slept?

0:29:310:29:35

-Cos they've been awake all the time.

-They've slept, haven't they?

0:29:350:29:37

In their mind, they've been awake all the time.

0:29:370:29:40

Is this when you have to be awake at ten to five,

0:29:400:29:45

no matter what happens, you have to be awake at ten to five,

0:29:450:29:49

and miraculously you are awake at ten to five.

0:29:490:29:52

That's an alarm clock, love.

0:29:520:29:53

LAUGHTER

0:29:530:29:56

-No, I have that too, I do definitely.

-Yeah.

0:29:560:29:58

-It's extraordinary.

-So is that the same kind of...

-It works very well.

0:29:580:30:01

At school, when we... if we were going on a, you know,

0:30:010:30:03

a little dawn raid, or something like that, you'd, they'd say...

0:30:030:30:07

Sorry?

0:30:070:30:08

Well, you know, to do a raid on the kitchens and steal jelly

0:30:080:30:11

and things, you know. So...

0:30:110:30:13

I forgot you grew up in an Enid Blyton novel.

0:30:130:30:16

LAUGHTER

0:30:160:30:19

To get your catapult back from the teacher.

0:30:190:30:21

You would do this onto the pillow, you would go,

0:30:230:30:26

"One, two, three, four,"

0:30:260:30:28

like that, and you'd wake up at four in the morning.

0:30:280:30:30

-And it always seemed to work.

-No.

0:30:300:30:32

-Honestly, I can't remember a time when it didn't.

-That is bullshit!

0:30:320:30:34

-No...

-OK.

0:30:340:30:36

I totally agree.

0:30:360:30:38

It's maybe a false memory I've got, but it's a very clear one.

0:30:380:30:42

If it's so true, I want you to

0:30:420:30:45

give us your phone and alarm clock

0:30:450:30:48

and never use it again to wake yourself up.

0:30:480:30:50

And just use the head hitting.

0:30:500:30:53

It all changes when you get an enlarged prostate.

0:30:530:30:55

LAUGHTER

0:30:550:30:58

And do you have to hit it four times on the pillow?

0:31:030:31:07

This is something that Blyton didn't cover much.

0:31:090:31:11

She didn't, did she? Not lashings of enlarged prostates, no.

0:31:110:31:15

Oh, dear.

0:31:150:31:16

Anyway, how well you sleep is really all in your mind.

0:31:160:31:20

Now, how would you swear like a pre-pubescent supercomputer?

0:31:200:31:24

Bum, bum, wee.

0:31:240:31:26

-Bum, bum, wee.

-And poo.

0:31:260:31:28

-Pretty close.

-They're the main, they're the main ones?

0:31:280:31:31

The big three.

0:31:310:31:32

It's a supercomputer, we've called it pre-pubescent

0:31:320:31:35

because it's about 11 years old now. And...

0:31:350:31:39

And it swears?

0:31:390:31:41

Well, it's called Watson

0:31:410:31:42

and it is one of the smartest supercomputers around.

0:31:420:31:45

It was first trained to win at the American quiz game Jeopardy,

0:31:450:31:49

which you may have seen if you've ever been in the United States,

0:31:490:31:52

it's on every single day.

0:31:520:31:53

They give an answer and you say the question.

0:31:530:31:55

Exactly. So this actor played Jonathan Creek.

0:31:550:31:58

The answer is, on Jeopardy, Who is Alan Davies?

0:31:580:32:01

-Yes.

-It's been going for 40 years or something on American TV.

0:32:010:32:04

Does the supercomputer do proper swearing or swearing like

0:32:040:32:06

-"mother funster," or...

-Melon farmer!

-Yeah, exactly.

-Yeah.

0:32:060:32:09

What they did was, they fed it an online dictionary

0:32:090:32:11

and I think you can guess which one it was, if it was swearing.

0:32:110:32:14

Urban Dictionary.

0:32:140:32:15

-Urban Dictionary, yes, which is a rather naughty dictionary.

-It is.

0:32:150:32:19

It has bad M words.

0:32:190:32:20

I don't know what, I really, what's motorboat?

0:32:200:32:23

Am I, am I the only...?

0:32:230:32:25

Oh, OK. I've got this one,

0:32:250:32:27

-I've got this one!

-APPLAUSE

0:32:270:32:30

I'm not going to do it, it's where you

0:32:300:32:32

put your head in between there and then do that...

0:32:320:32:34

Oh, yes, that's right. "Brrr." It's rather sweet, that, isn't it?

0:32:340:32:38

-Rather sweet?!

-Well...

0:32:380:32:39

LAUGHTER

0:32:390:32:41

Well, I don't know.

0:32:410:32:42

Nicer than minger, or muffin top? Milkshake.

0:32:420:32:46

Where's your man cave?

0:32:460:32:47

That's not... Oh, no, is that, have I got a man... No?

0:32:490:32:52

LAUGHTER

0:32:520:32:53

-No. Is that what...?

-Is it like a den where you...

0:32:530:32:56

Oh.

0:32:560:32:57

LAUGHS

0:32:570:32:59

That sounded like you'd suddenly got a catchphrase,

0:32:590:33:01

where's your man cave?

0:33:010:33:02

It's Sarah "Where's Your Man Cave" Millican.

0:33:040:33:06

It's Sarah Millican, Where's Your Man Cave!

0:33:060:33:08

-TOMMY:

-Sarah, you definitely have one man cave, the question is,

0:33:080:33:11

do you have two?

0:33:110:33:13

Ah, yes.

0:33:130:33:14

LAUGHTER

0:33:140:33:17

No?

0:33:170:33:19

-Was that the right answer?

-I don't know.

0:33:200:33:22

I'm still recovering from motorboat.

0:33:220:33:24

So, that's Urban Dictionary and it was popped into Watson,

0:33:270:33:31

this IBM computer and unfortunately, he learnt too much from it

0:33:310:33:36

and so when they were testing it, before it went on Jeopardy,

0:33:360:33:39

it was just saying "bullshit" to every question that you posed

0:33:390:33:43

to it, like a stroppy pre-pubescent, basically.

0:33:430:33:46

It's now...

0:33:460:33:47

The question he asked was never, "Where's your man cave?"

0:33:470:33:50

No, it never was.

0:33:500:33:51

We just gave you some Ms just because it's the M series,

0:33:510:33:54

but there are plenty of others.

0:33:540:33:56

Are they all like new words, because milkshake's been around

0:33:560:33:58

for a long time, but has it got a new meaning that I need to learn?

0:33:580:34:02

-Yeah.

-You're young.

0:34:020:34:03

-Um, well...

-What is it?

0:34:030:34:06

Well, Kelis sung, "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,"

0:34:060:34:09

-didn't she?

-Yes, because she had like a van that sold milkshakes.

0:34:090:34:13

If that's what you want to think she meant, that's what she meant.

0:34:140:34:17

My dormitory at school had a milkshake club,

0:34:170:34:20

but we won't go into that.

0:34:200:34:21

It wasn't all like Enid Blyton, then, was it?

0:34:240:34:27

No, no.

0:34:270:34:28

Ooooh, where were we?

0:34:300:34:32

Oh, yes.

0:34:320:34:33

Where is the, would you imagine, most powerful computer in the world?

0:34:330:34:36

-NASA.

-It's not NASA, not the Pentagon.

0:34:360:34:39

-Not in America, in fact.

-Beijing.

0:34:390:34:41

Well, yes, China is the answer.

0:34:410:34:43

There it is. Huge. Look at that.

0:34:430:34:46

It's pretty impressive. It is called Tianhe, which means Milky Way.

0:34:460:34:49

Didn't you used to play that at school?

0:34:490:34:51

LAUGHTER

0:34:510:34:55

Sorry! I'll stop now.

0:34:550:34:57

Oh, dear. It can run 100,000 times as many calculations

0:34:570:35:01

per second as there are stars in the galaxy.

0:35:010:35:05

Cor, blimey.

0:35:050:35:07

All computers, including that, are very slow still when it comes to what?

0:35:070:35:12

The fastest supercomputers can mimic one second of human brain activity

0:35:120:35:18

in about 40 minutes.

0:35:180:35:20

So they're rubbish at Snap, for instance.

0:35:200:35:23

LAUGHTER

0:35:230:35:25

So we still, for the moment at least,

0:35:250:35:27

we still are the fastest processor on the planet.

0:35:270:35:31

I spent an entire summer trying to teach a cat how to play Snap.

0:35:310:35:34

Really?

0:35:340:35:35

Yeah. We had this cat who every now and again would just go...

0:35:350:35:38

LAUGHTER

0:35:380:35:41

So we thought we would take it to the fair and if we could...

0:35:430:35:46

LAUGHTER

0:35:460:35:48

If we could train it to play Snap, that would make a fortune.

0:35:480:35:50

Well, they used to have at fairs, pigs that spelled out words.

0:35:520:35:56

You would go to the fair with your learned pig

0:35:560:35:59

and you'd have alphabet cards in a huge circle with the pig inside.

0:35:590:36:03

Was it mostly just "help"?

0:36:030:36:05

No, you'd ask a member of the public

0:36:050:36:07

and they'd have to pay tuppence or whatever, to shout a word,

0:36:070:36:10

and they'd shout a word like "barnyard" or something,

0:36:100:36:13

and pig would go up to the B and then up to the A

0:36:130:36:16

and then up to the R, etc, and spell out the word.

0:36:160:36:19

Like a pig Ouija board.

0:36:190:36:21

Kind of, yeah.

0:36:210:36:22

And, of course, pigs can't read, it was a trick

0:36:220:36:25

but it was a very good one,

0:36:250:36:27

it was simply looking at its owner over there

0:36:270:36:29

and he's going like that for B or whatever and that for A,

0:36:290:36:32

and it worked beautifully.

0:36:320:36:34

It's all in Ricky Jay's excellent book, Learned Pigs.

0:36:340:36:36

But, yeah, where were we?

0:36:360:36:39

Oh, yes, Watson, the supercomputer

0:36:390:36:40

got in trouble because he couldn't stop fucking swearing.

0:36:400:36:44

And so we glide from the canyons of our minds into the clueless

0:36:440:36:48

depths of General Ignorance.

0:36:480:36:50

Fingers on buzzers, if you would.

0:36:500:36:52

Why did the camel get the hump? And where?

0:36:520:36:55

-On their back.

-In the desert.

0:36:550:36:57

What's it for?

0:36:570:36:59

It's, oh, it's, I know...

0:36:590:37:01

Isn't it for food and water?

0:37:010:37:04

KLAXON

0:37:040:37:06

I knew it!

0:37:060:37:07

I thought it was as well.

0:37:070:37:09

Why didn't you say?

0:37:090:37:11

Because I wanted that to happen to you.

0:37:110:37:13

The surprising thing, perhaps,

0:37:140:37:17

is that it evolved not in the deserts, not in the hot countries,

0:37:170:37:21

but in the Arctic, that's where it began,

0:37:210:37:24

like the Bactrians there that you see that still live in cold conditions.

0:37:240:37:27

And the hump seems to have developed for fat storage and for warmth.

0:37:270:37:31

I thought it was for tourists so that they didn't fall off.

0:37:310:37:34

-You sit between them, don't you?

-You do, you do. Yes.

0:37:350:37:38

Canadian scientists found fossilised fragments of camel leg bone

0:37:380:37:42

in Canada, which were 3.5 million years old

0:37:420:37:45

and the DNA matched the modern camel.

0:37:450:37:48

So, the camel originally got its hump to survive the cold.

0:37:480:37:52

In a war between the grass and the grass-eaters, who's winning?

0:37:520:37:56

LAUGHTER

0:37:580:38:01

JOSH'S BUZZER

0:38:010:38:03

-The grass.

-KLAXON

0:38:030:38:06

-Eaters.

-KLAXON

0:38:060:38:08

LAUGHTER

0:38:080:38:10

Can we get the grass-eaters?

0:38:120:38:14

KLAXON Thank you.

0:38:140:38:16

I haven't finished yet!

0:38:190:38:20

Grass-eaters is not the right answer.

0:38:200:38:23

Oh, you don't get away with that.

0:38:230:38:26

Evolution is an interspecies arms race to some extent

0:38:260:38:30

and very often plants do create stratagems to avoid being eaten.

0:38:300:38:34

They become poisonous, they become thickly thorned and prickly

0:38:340:38:38

but it seems that grass doesn't try and stop

0:38:380:38:41

itself from being eaten, and the thing about grass is,

0:38:410:38:43

unlike most plants, its centre of being is at the bottom,

0:38:430:38:47

so you can have the top of the blade as much as you like.

0:38:470:38:50

95% of it can be eaten like that

0:38:500:38:52

and it's perfectly happy just to regrow

0:38:520:38:54

so it actually does quite well because it's helped by being kept cropped.

0:38:540:38:58

Yeah, in the war between the grass and the grass-eaters,

0:38:580:39:01

everyone's a winner.

0:39:010:39:02

Do mushrooms prefer to grow in the light or in the dark?

0:39:020:39:06

SARAH'S BUZZER

0:39:060:39:09

Well, the thing's going to go off if I say in the dark,

0:39:090:39:11

so I'm going to say in the light.

0:39:110:39:13

-KLAXON

-Oh, bugger!

0:39:130:39:15

The answer is they don't prefer either.

0:39:170:39:20

They grow just as well in dark, half light.

0:39:200:39:22

They rarely express a preference. What would you like?

0:39:220:39:26

Would you like the light on, or shall I leave it?

0:39:260:39:29

Maybe a little bedtime story, be tucked in.

0:39:290:39:31

But going by how much they thrive, it clearly doesn't make any

0:39:310:39:34

difference, so why is it traditional to grow them in the dark?

0:39:340:39:37

Because it's a dirty secret?

0:39:370:39:40

Like if you have them in your house,

0:39:400:39:41

it's not something you tell everybody.

0:39:410:39:43

I've got mushrooms in the back bedroom.

0:39:430:39:46

It's simply cheaper. We don't have to turn the light on.

0:39:470:39:50

So you just shove them in a cellar or a dark room,

0:39:500:39:53

somewhere you've got and they'll grow.

0:39:530:39:55

-It's that simple.

-Oh.

0:39:550:39:56

Not very exciting, but quite interesting.

0:39:560:39:59

Magic mushrooms, double M, they have psychotropic,

0:39:590:40:04

or at least hallucinogenic qualities, I believe, don't they?

0:40:040:40:07

-Good Lord!

-Is anybody else seeing that?

0:40:070:40:09

That's horrible.

0:40:090:40:11

But they have a disadvantage,

0:40:120:40:14

which is that you get a terrible tummy ache,

0:40:140:40:16

and what did people do in order to obviate this disadvantage?

0:40:160:40:21

-I'm afraid...

-They'd make themselves sick, would they?

0:40:210:40:24

Well, no, what they did is,

0:40:240:40:25

they'd give the mushrooms to the village idiot.

0:40:250:40:28

And he'd then have a pee and they'd drink the pee, which had all the...

0:40:280:40:32

-No!

-..had all the psycho-active properties.

-Wow.

0:40:320:40:35

Who is the idiot in that scenario?

0:40:350:40:37

I don't know. No.

0:40:370:40:39

It is very unfortunate.

0:40:390:40:41

Are we the only creatures who are affected by eating magic mushrooms?

0:40:410:40:45

Like, if a cow went into a field full of magic mushrooms, and ate

0:40:450:40:49

them all, will it have some moments of insight

0:40:490:40:53

that it would be impossible to share with us,

0:40:530:40:57

the whole town would gather round him there.

0:40:570:40:59

Moooo!

0:40:590:41:01

"I don't get it, I don't get it."

0:41:010:41:03

Moo!

0:41:030:41:04

-And there was a...

-Are you trying to tell us something?

0:41:050:41:08

There was a theory that Jesus Christ...

0:41:080:41:12

..was a magic mushroom.

0:41:130:41:16

He actually was a mushroom?

0:41:160:41:18

I mightn't have remembered this entirely correctly, but...

0:41:180:41:21

LAUGHTER

0:41:210:41:23

Does your dad deny this story?

0:41:230:41:26

There's a thing called the Amanita muscaria, which is the,

0:41:260:41:32

it's the notion of using mushrooms as a means to transcendence.

0:41:320:41:37

-Right.

-And I don't know the rest of the story.

0:41:370:41:40

Oh! You heard it here first, ladies and gentlemen.

0:41:400:41:45

Yes, mushrooms are grown in the dark to save electricity.

0:41:450:41:49

So, with that, we stagger dazed and confused into the most

0:41:490:41:52

mind-numbing and mind-bending subject of all, the QI scores.

0:41:520:41:57

Oh, how interesting they are. My goodness me.

0:41:570:42:01

In fourth place, with a very respectable -22,

0:42:010:42:04

is Josh Widdicombe.

0:42:040:42:06

APPLAUSE

0:42:060:42:08

In third place, with a splendid -18 is Sarah Millican.

0:42:080:42:14

APPLAUSE

0:42:140:42:17

He's achieved heights that may require oxygen,

0:42:190:42:22

on -6, it's Alan Davies.

0:42:220:42:24

-Thank you very much.

-APPLAUSE

0:42:240:42:27

What a debut, Tommy Tiernan on 2!

0:42:280:42:32

Plus 2!

0:42:320:42:33

MUSIC PLAYS

0:42:350:42:38

Thanks to Sarah, Josh, Tommy and Alan.

0:42:400:42:42

Oh, I nearly forgot our memory test.

0:42:420:42:44

Oh, how ironic. Can we turn the cameras onto the audience?

0:42:440:42:48

Let's see by a show of hands which words you remembered me saying.

0:42:480:42:53

Who remembered the word bed?

0:42:530:42:55

Oh, most of you, that's pretty good.

0:42:560:42:58

Snooze?

0:42:580:43:00

Pretty good.

0:43:010:43:03

Sleep?

0:43:030:43:05

KLAXON Oh, audience.

0:43:060:43:09

No, I didn't say sleep,

0:43:110:43:12

I said words so closely connected to it that it was easy to force

0:43:120:43:15

yourself into the memory of thinking that I did say it.

0:43:150:43:18

So you all encountered a sort of false memory planting there.

0:43:180:43:22

If you don't believe me,

0:43:220:43:23

you'll just have to watch the show all over again, won't you?

0:43:230:43:26

So, from me, from all of us, thank you and goodnight.

0:43:260:43:30

APPLAUSE

0:43:300:43:32

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