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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:00:25 | 0:00:27 | |
Welcome, welcome, and thrice welcome | 0:00:31 | 0:00:34 | |
to the home of highbrow know-how that we call QI. | 0:00:34 | 0:00:38 | |
Tonight, we'll be groping down the back of the great sofa of history | 0:00:38 | 0:00:43 | |
to find those tasty morsels that other historians have so carelessly discarded there. | 0:00:43 | 0:00:47 | |
And to accompany me on my quest, I have the postmodern Rob Brydon. | 0:00:47 | 0:00:50 | |
THUNDEROUS CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:00:50 | 0:00:54 | |
The pre-classical David Mitchell. | 0:00:56 | 0:00:59 | |
MORE CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:00:59 | 0:01:01 | |
The Pleistocene Sandi Toksvig. | 0:01:02 | 0:01:04 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:01:04 | 0:01:08 | |
And our very own bowl of primordial soup, Alan Davies. | 0:01:08 | 0:01:12 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:01:12 | 0:01:14 | |
Each panellist is equipped with a suitably historic buzzer. | 0:01:17 | 0:01:21 | |
-Sandi goes... -MELLOW NAUTICAL MELODY | 0:01:21 | 0:01:26 | |
-David goes... -GRANDIOSE FANFARE | 0:01:26 | 0:01:29 | |
Quite long. | 0:01:32 | 0:01:34 | |
-Rob goes... -AMERICAN-STYLE MILITARY FANFARE | 0:01:34 | 0:01:38 | |
-And Alan goes... -HORN SQUEAKS | 0:01:38 | 0:01:41 | |
Of course. | 0:01:41 | 0:01:42 | |
So, as we stroll off into the mists of time, | 0:01:42 | 0:01:45 | |
let's start with something nice and easy - name a henge. | 0:01:45 | 0:01:49 | |
Now, look, come on... | 0:01:49 | 0:01:51 | |
-Seahenge. -Aaah! | 0:01:54 | 0:01:55 | |
KLAXON | 0:01:55 | 0:01:58 | |
-There is a Seahenge, but it's not a henge. -Oh, right. | 0:01:58 | 0:02:01 | |
It's a word with the word "henge" in it, | 0:02:01 | 0:02:04 | |
as "spigot" has got the word "pig" in it, but it isn't a pig. You see? | 0:02:04 | 0:02:08 | |
So, the word "henge" in it, that's wrong? | 0:02:08 | 0:02:12 | |
I think you're wary enough, for good reasons. | 0:02:12 | 0:02:15 | |
-Yeah, you didn't get me there. -A henge is a specific thing. | 0:02:15 | 0:02:18 | |
What is a henge? | 0:02:18 | 0:02:20 | |
You have two of them on the side of a door, or on the top of a window. | 0:02:20 | 0:02:23 | |
-WEST COUNTRY ACCENT: -I'll do you a nice henge, sir, yes. | 0:02:23 | 0:02:27 | |
A hedge bent on revenge, that's what it is. | 0:02:27 | 0:02:31 | |
-Good. -It's a very old form of economic investment - a henge fund. | 0:02:31 | 0:02:36 | |
Wahey! It's not that either. It's one of those archaeological words. | 0:02:36 | 0:02:39 | |
There's a specific meaning, an embanked area outside | 0:02:39 | 0:02:42 | |
with ditches on the inside, right? | 0:02:42 | 0:02:46 | |
And Stonehenge is the other way round, so it's not a henge. | 0:02:46 | 0:02:49 | |
Even though the name henge comes from Stonehenge. | 0:02:49 | 0:02:53 | |
A henge is a word for something that's like Stonehenge, | 0:02:53 | 0:02:56 | |
but not including Stonehenge? | 0:02:56 | 0:02:59 | |
Basically, yes. | 0:02:59 | 0:03:01 | |
-It was just Stonehenge. -Was the word "stone" named after Stonehenge? | 0:03:01 | 0:03:05 | |
Yes, you're safe with the stone. | 0:03:05 | 0:03:07 | |
Maybe Stonehenge was just a noise they came up with for Stonehenge, | 0:03:07 | 0:03:11 | |
which luckily gave them a word for two common sorts of things. | 0:03:11 | 0:03:15 | |
Probably the noise when they put those top ones up. | 0:03:15 | 0:03:18 | |
GROANS AND SQUEALS | 0:03:18 | 0:03:21 | |
People right up until the 20th century were quarrying it. They would actually set fires | 0:03:21 | 0:03:26 | |
on the lintels, the top bits, to crack the stone and take it off and build things with them. | 0:03:26 | 0:03:30 | |
-Nowadays it's cordoned off. -Yes, it is, rather, isn't it? | 0:03:30 | 0:03:33 | |
-Except the Druids. -They can do what they want. | 0:03:33 | 0:03:35 | |
-How long have Druids been celebrating religious services there? -1970. | 0:03:35 | 0:03:40 | |
The beginning of the 20th century. There's no evidence | 0:03:40 | 0:03:43 | |
that Druids had anything to do with Stonehenge. | 0:03:43 | 0:03:46 | |
So why did they get all these concessions of access to Stonehenge? | 0:03:46 | 0:03:49 | |
In 1905, when they started doing it, Stonehenge was private property. | 0:03:49 | 0:03:53 | |
It didn't belong to anybody except the owner of it, | 0:03:53 | 0:03:56 | |
and then Chubb in 1915, who worked in a lunatic asylum nearby, bought it in 1915... | 0:03:56 | 0:04:01 | |
-For his wife. -You're quite right. | 0:04:01 | 0:04:03 | |
-Yes, he bought it for his wife at auction. -Yeah, and three years later she gifted it to the nation. | 0:04:03 | 0:04:08 | |
Re-gifted? | 0:04:08 | 0:04:10 | |
-Yes, re-gifted. -Well, it must have been hell to clean. Those top bits. | 0:04:10 | 0:04:14 | |
So, the Druids have access to it, so presumably, I mean, they can't all have parked miles away. | 0:04:14 | 0:04:20 | |
They must have little stickers in their windows with a little Druid sign on it, | 0:04:20 | 0:04:25 | |
which also gets them into Klu Klux Klan meetings. | 0:04:25 | 0:04:28 | |
Yes, they've just got to straighten up their headdresses. | 0:04:28 | 0:04:30 | |
There was a mention you made there of Seahenge. What is Seahenge? | 0:04:30 | 0:04:35 | |
-So that's not a proper henge either? -No. -Seahenge, isn't it some bits of old and knackered wood | 0:04:35 | 0:04:40 | |
that occasionally become visible when the tide is out. | 0:04:40 | 0:04:43 | |
That's it, 55 bit of old oak in Holme-Next-The-Sea in Norfolk coast | 0:04:43 | 0:04:48 | |
which was only discovered quite recently. | 0:04:48 | 0:04:50 | |
Carhenge, does that mean anything to you? | 0:04:50 | 0:04:53 | |
-Yes, I do know what that is. -Yes? -Well, I'll guess. | 0:04:53 | 0:04:56 | |
It's that... AUDIENCE TITTERS | 0:04:56 | 0:04:58 | |
You started really confident, | 0:04:58 | 0:05:00 | |
then it just slid away from you there. | 0:05:00 | 0:05:02 | |
It's probably not right, I'll give it a go. I think I know what it is. | 0:05:02 | 0:05:06 | |
It was featured on the inner liner notes of Bruce Springsteen's album | 0:05:06 | 0:05:10 | |
The River, in particular reference to the song Cadillac Ranch, | 0:05:10 | 0:05:13 | |
it's all these Cadillacs that have been... It's not, is it? | 0:05:13 | 0:05:15 | |
-Yes, it is. -It is, it is! | 0:05:15 | 0:05:18 | |
All these cars have been stuck in the ground. | 0:05:18 | 0:05:20 | |
And sprayed with grey paint. | 0:05:20 | 0:05:21 | |
-Yes, it's in Nebraska. -It's interesting, though. | 0:05:21 | 0:05:24 | |
That obviously looks quite a lot like Stonehenge, | 0:05:24 | 0:05:27 | |
considering it's made of cars, but you can't help feeling | 0:05:27 | 0:05:31 | |
he could have made it look more like Stonehenge | 0:05:31 | 0:05:33 | |
if he'd used something else to make it with. | 0:05:33 | 0:05:36 | |
-It was a memorial to his father. -Was he killed in a car accident? | 0:05:36 | 0:05:39 | |
Does the name Alfred Watkins mean anything to you? | 0:05:41 | 0:05:45 | |
He wrote a book called the Old Straight Track | 0:05:45 | 0:05:48 | |
in the 1920s, and he posited something that he called leys. | 0:05:48 | 0:05:53 | |
They're spiritual lines... | 0:05:53 | 0:05:55 | |
Yes, people, apparently wrongly, call them ley lines. | 0:05:55 | 0:05:59 | |
They're wrong to do that. Whereas people who allege they exist aren't wrong to do that. | 0:05:59 | 0:06:05 | |
But we can show you some ley lines which may make you think again. | 0:06:05 | 0:06:09 | |
If each one of these letters represented a stone circle or a henge of some kind, | 0:06:09 | 0:06:13 | |
it would be quite a coincidence, because you would need to get | 0:06:13 | 0:06:16 | |
above the ground to get them that shape, but actually, | 0:06:16 | 0:06:19 | |
this map was drawn by someone who was deliberately poking fun at ley lines, | 0:06:19 | 0:06:24 | |
because this is nothing less than a representation of Woolworths stores in Britain. | 0:06:24 | 0:06:30 | |
As he says, you can't rule out the possibility that Woolworths | 0:06:31 | 0:06:34 | |
used aliens to get so exact and perfect a geometrical shape. | 0:06:34 | 0:06:38 | |
-It does look like if you folded it one more time you'd get a frog. -Yes! | 0:06:38 | 0:06:42 | |
-It looks quite origami. -Surely there are more, or were. | 0:06:42 | 0:06:46 | |
There are 800. | 0:06:46 | 0:06:48 | |
So he's been very selective in his choice of Woolworths stores. | 0:06:48 | 0:06:51 | |
Whereas people who believe in ley lines aren't? | 0:06:51 | 0:06:54 | |
According to archaeologists, Stonehenge isn't really a henge at all. | 0:06:54 | 0:06:59 | |
Here's a very famous image, so you can bank a few points. | 0:06:59 | 0:07:04 | |
How was it made, what is it? | 0:07:04 | 0:07:06 | |
-It's not a tapestry. -You've learnt. Firstly, it wasn't made in Bayeux. | 0:07:06 | 0:07:10 | |
Bayeux is in France, this was probably in Kent. Do we know who by? | 0:07:10 | 0:07:14 | |
The Normans commissioned it, but sort of Saxon embroiderer ladies did it. | 0:07:14 | 0:07:20 | |
Yes, absolutely right. | 0:07:20 | 0:07:22 | |
It's one example of why women's history has completely disappeared, | 0:07:22 | 0:07:26 | |
because women tended to make things like this phenomenal piece of work, | 0:07:26 | 0:07:29 | |
but they didn't sign it. So we don't know the names. | 0:07:29 | 0:07:32 | |
We know the name of the man who commissioned it, but we don't know the names of the women who made it. | 0:07:32 | 0:07:37 | |
The lack of signature is one of the reasons why women's history has disappeared. | 0:07:37 | 0:07:41 | |
It's remarkable. You're right to say it's an embroidery, It's absolutely not a tapestry. | 0:07:41 | 0:07:46 | |
A tapestry is all one material with the different colours woven in at the weaving stage. | 0:07:46 | 0:07:51 | |
This is a woven piece of cloth that is then embroidered. | 0:07:51 | 0:07:54 | |
-It's so typical. The women do all this embroidery and the man goes, "Nice tapestry." -I know. | 0:07:54 | 0:07:59 | |
-It's very absurd. -"Couldn't make us a cup of tea, could you?" | 0:07:59 | 0:08:02 | |
"My hands are raw." | 0:08:04 | 0:08:07 | |
Is the word "tapestry" named after the Bayeux tapestry but they decided to make it mean something... | 0:08:07 | 0:08:13 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:08:14 | 0:08:17 | |
Can you tell the British from the French in that picture? | 0:08:18 | 0:08:22 | |
Are the British the four-legged ones at the top? | 0:08:22 | 0:08:26 | |
I should say English rather than British. | 0:08:26 | 0:08:29 | |
The English would be the ones not on horses. | 0:08:29 | 0:08:31 | |
That's pretty much true. The other giveaway is moustaches. | 0:08:31 | 0:08:34 | |
Some English fighters were on horses. But the British... | 0:08:34 | 0:08:37 | |
The English - I'm allowed to say English, I'm unused to | 0:08:37 | 0:08:40 | |
saying English - had the moustaches. | 0:08:40 | 0:08:42 | |
Harold's housecarls, | 0:08:42 | 0:08:44 | |
plus they tended to have battle-axes rather than the lances and things. | 0:08:44 | 0:08:49 | |
-Great comedy hats. -They're rather extraordinary. | 0:08:49 | 0:08:51 | |
They're like party hats, they've got a bit of elastic under the chin. | 0:08:51 | 0:08:55 | |
-It was done by the same person that did Mr Benn. It's a very similar style, isn't it? -Yes. | 0:08:55 | 0:09:01 | |
-"Suddenly the shopkeeper appeared." -I wonder if they are specific blokes | 0:09:01 | 0:09:05 | |
that the women doing the embroidery knew. | 0:09:05 | 0:09:07 | |
"Who you doing?" "I'm doing Reg." | 0:09:07 | 0:09:09 | |
"Look at the way he held his axe. He was lovely before they cut him to bits." | 0:09:11 | 0:09:16 | |
Their mail, their suits of reinforced defensive clothing, | 0:09:16 | 0:09:20 | |
Harald Hardrada had a long one which apparently | 0:09:20 | 0:09:23 | |
couldn't be penetrated by a spear and was known as Emma. | 0:09:23 | 0:09:26 | |
Was that based on a particularly aloof woman who couldn't be penetrated? | 0:09:26 | 0:09:30 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:09:30 | 0:09:34 | |
One's bound to wonder. | 0:09:37 | 0:09:39 | |
I didn't know until someone told me this recently | 0:09:39 | 0:09:42 | |
that quite a lot of the names that we use, | 0:09:42 | 0:09:44 | |
or Christian names, we call them, | 0:09:44 | 0:09:47 | |
came from the Normans and that invasion. They completely changed the country. | 0:09:47 | 0:09:51 | |
Yes, including William, and the first few kings. | 0:09:51 | 0:09:54 | |
-John, Richard. -Robert, lots of them. | 0:09:54 | 0:09:57 | |
Is it not when we start to change the language completely, is it not when we get beef instead of cow? | 0:09:57 | 0:10:02 | |
Because we had two words each time, exactly. We could use the English | 0:10:02 | 0:10:06 | |
word for the animal, cow, and the French word, boeuf, for the food. | 0:10:06 | 0:10:10 | |
The British word sheep, and mouton, mutton, can become what you eat. | 0:10:10 | 0:10:15 | |
You eat the mouton, you eat the beef, but the animal is the cow. | 0:10:15 | 0:10:18 | |
-But why? -The Saxons herded them and knew them as animals, | 0:10:18 | 0:10:22 | |
and the Normans just feasted and ate them because they were | 0:10:22 | 0:10:25 | |
the upper class, so would use their word for it. | 0:10:25 | 0:10:27 | |
The only time they saw a cow was when it was on a plate in front of them. | 0:10:27 | 0:10:31 | |
Quite a lot of what we know about the Bayeux Tapestry, | 0:10:31 | 0:10:34 | |
we don't know, because it's not from Bayeux and it isn't a tapestry. | 0:10:34 | 0:10:38 | |
But how can you tell which one Harold is in the Bayeux tapestry | 0:10:38 | 0:10:41 | |
that's not a tapestry or from Bayeux? | 0:10:41 | 0:10:43 | |
Isn't there a bit of a dispute about whether he's the one with the arrow in his eye, or someone else? | 0:10:43 | 0:10:48 | |
Is it like on Facebook, when you run the cursor over it, you get tagged. | 0:10:48 | 0:10:53 | |
And it says, "You are also in this photo," | 0:10:53 | 0:10:57 | |
and it'll have the other people. | 0:10:57 | 0:10:59 | |
It's not dissimilar. | 0:10:59 | 0:11:00 | |
There are three tags, all meaning him. | 0:11:00 | 0:11:02 | |
"Harold Rex interfectus est," which means Harold the King is killed. | 0:11:02 | 0:11:08 | |
They tell the story narratively from left to right. | 0:11:08 | 0:11:12 | |
They could all be Harold, or only one of them could be Harold. | 0:11:12 | 0:11:16 | |
It's impossible to tell. We don't know that he'd an arrow in his eye. | 0:11:16 | 0:11:19 | |
It's a much later story. | 0:11:19 | 0:11:21 | |
So is it like a cartoon? Like one of those books you used to flick. | 0:11:21 | 0:11:25 | |
-Exactly. -Although not successful in embroidery, I think. -No... | 0:11:25 | 0:11:28 | |
It's a cross between that and Where's Wally? | 0:11:28 | 0:11:30 | |
-Yes, there's a hint... -A hint of Where's Wally? | 0:11:30 | 0:11:33 | |
So the one with the blue shield, he's got an arrow in his eye... | 0:11:33 | 0:11:36 | |
He has. People have always ASSUMED that was Harold. | 0:11:36 | 0:11:39 | |
So if it's a journey, it's, "Got an arrow in my eye, I'll just get on this horse for a rest..." | 0:11:39 | 0:11:44 | |
-Continuity! "Where's my shield?" -..and then the horse has disappeared! "I'm dying." | 0:11:44 | 0:11:48 | |
-And they've cut his head off on the right... -Yeah. | 0:11:48 | 0:11:51 | |
I can't see the arrow in the eye. | 0:11:51 | 0:11:53 | |
It's not come out very well. I blame bad embroidery. | 0:11:53 | 0:11:57 | |
You can see him holding the end of it... | 0:11:57 | 0:11:59 | |
He can't have been that ill though, because he seems to have had time to change his socks. | 0:11:59 | 0:12:04 | |
-It probably is... -"I'm dying, get the death socks!" | 0:12:04 | 0:12:06 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:12:06 | 0:12:08 | |
Stephen, can I point out... Can I give the seal of approval to his wonderfully LONG socks? | 0:12:08 | 0:12:13 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:12:13 | 0:12:16 | |
Rob Long-Socks(!) | 0:12:16 | 0:12:17 | |
-APPLAUSE -Oh, dear... They are long. | 0:12:17 | 0:12:20 | |
Yes - it's probable that it's NOT the same person repeated. | 0:12:21 | 0:12:25 | |
The other theory is that he's only one of those | 0:12:25 | 0:12:27 | |
and maybe he's the last one - under the horse, almost, | 0:12:27 | 0:12:30 | |
cos that's where "interfectus est" - "is killed"... The point is, we just don't know. | 0:12:30 | 0:12:34 | |
That's good. So we know how we spot the Englishmen, by their moustaches, | 0:12:34 | 0:12:38 | |
the Bayeux Tapestry isn't a tapestry - isn't from Bayeux - | 0:12:38 | 0:12:41 | |
and you shouldn't believe anyone who tells you they know how Harold died. | 0:12:41 | 0:12:44 | |
However, you can spot the Englishmen by their moustaches. | 0:12:44 | 0:12:47 | |
On the subject of English gentlemen with moustaches, | 0:12:47 | 0:12:50 | |
could you give us your impression of the average World War II British... | 0:12:50 | 0:12:54 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:12:54 | 0:12:55 | |
Oh, dear. ..the average British World War II fighter pilot? | 0:12:57 | 0:13:00 | |
You look hilarious on the end! | 0:13:00 | 0:13:02 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:13:02 | 0:13:04 | |
That is a character... | 0:13:06 | 0:13:09 | |
Someone has got to write a sitcom around David Mitchell's character. | 0:13:09 | 0:13:13 | |
You look like you're posing with a very successful team of kind of...novelty Air Force - | 0:13:13 | 0:13:20 | |
you've just agreed to have your photograph taken with them, for your birthday. | 0:13:20 | 0:13:24 | |
I know you're not, but if they'd invented gaydar instead of radar... | 0:13:24 | 0:13:30 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:13:30 | 0:13:31 | |
..I'm sorry to say that would mark high. | 0:13:31 | 0:13:34 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:13:34 | 0:13:35 | |
"I'm ordering these helmets for my wife's birthday..." | 0:13:36 | 0:13:41 | |
I think in this war film, I think I die about two-thirds of the way through. | 0:13:41 | 0:13:47 | |
It breaks the heart of the audience, and inspires the hero. | 0:13:47 | 0:13:51 | |
Everyone goes and kills a load of Germans as revenge for my death. | 0:13:51 | 0:13:54 | |
And I'm the old First World War hero with a gammy leg who runs and watches them come back, and cries... | 0:13:54 | 0:14:01 | |
-I don't think Alan dies. I think you make it through. I think -I -die. | 0:14:01 | 0:14:04 | |
You think I'm going to live, and then right near the end, I die. | 0:14:04 | 0:14:08 | |
Like Von Ryan's Express - as I'm running towards the train, I get shot at the end. | 0:14:08 | 0:14:12 | |
I'm the plucky woman who was just supposed to do the radio, who's been forced to fly one of the planes. | 0:14:12 | 0:14:18 | |
You look as if you could, with your sergeant stripes. | 0:14:18 | 0:14:20 | |
-I look rather fine. -But how did the pilot talk? That's the thing. | 0:14:20 | 0:14:24 | |
-Erm... -ROB: Er... | 0:14:24 | 0:14:26 | |
HE HOLDS HIS NOSE AND MAKES DISTORTED WORDS | 0:14:26 | 0:14:29 | |
..we've got a lovely team today who will be furnishing you with the easyKiosk... | 0:14:29 | 0:14:34 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:14:34 | 0:14:36 | |
Scratchcards... Minstrels... | 0:14:36 | 0:14:39 | |
"Clean up in aisle three." Yes. | 0:14:39 | 0:14:41 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:14:41 | 0:14:43 | |
-But what sort of people? -Well... | 0:14:43 | 0:14:45 | |
-What sort of people? -Yes. -Quite posh... | 0:14:45 | 0:14:49 | |
KLAXON | 0:14:49 | 0:14:51 | |
I think you'll find you're wrong. LAUGHTER | 0:14:51 | 0:14:54 | |
That's the odd thing - they so weren't. | 0:14:54 | 0:14:56 | |
Only 30% of all British fighter pilots in the Battle of Britain went to public school. | 0:14:56 | 0:15:01 | |
And of that 30%, they were mostly minor public schools, | 0:15:01 | 0:15:04 | |
and of the Eton, Harrow, Winchester or the top 13, there was only 8%. | 0:15:04 | 0:15:07 | |
-Just the actors that played them were posh, then? -That's the point! | 0:15:07 | 0:15:11 | |
In the war films during and after the war - | 0:15:11 | 0:15:13 | |
your Kenneth Mores and your David Nivens and so on - they spoke like that. | 0:15:13 | 0:15:16 | |
Did the Germans know we were sending up the lower classes(?) | 0:15:16 | 0:15:20 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:15:20 | 0:15:22 | |
-"GERMAN" ACCENT: -"Here comes someone who has got no manners vatsoever!" | 0:15:23 | 0:15:28 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:15:28 | 0:15:30 | |
But there's your Richard Todd on the left, who's playing... | 0:15:35 | 0:15:38 | |
-Your actual Richard Todd. -..Guy Gibson I think, | 0:15:38 | 0:15:41 | |
and there's David Niven from A Matter Of Life And Death, by the look of it. | 0:15:41 | 0:15:45 | |
And that's how people thought of them, with the moustache and... | 0:15:45 | 0:15:48 | |
I mean, 30% of them having gone to public school | 0:15:48 | 0:15:50 | |
is more than the percentage of the population. | 0:15:50 | 0:15:52 | |
-Yes, you're absolutely right... -So they're a bit posher than... | 0:15:52 | 0:15:56 | |
But "posh" is the first word that comes to mind, | 0:15:56 | 0:15:59 | |
when 70% were state-educated, not privately educated. | 0:15:59 | 0:16:03 | |
But they didn't speak like Jordan or something, did they? | 0:16:03 | 0:16:05 | |
-LAUGHTER -No, nobody did then. No. | 0:16:05 | 0:16:08 | |
ROB MIMICS JORDAN "There's no way we're gonna drop the bombs | 0:16:08 | 0:16:11 | |
"over that lot!" LAUGHTER | 0:16:11 | 0:16:13 | |
"It's a real bloody mess dahn there!" | 0:16:13 | 0:16:15 | |
LAUGHTER "Right, let 'em go... | 0:16:15 | 0:16:18 | |
"Look at that!" | 0:16:18 | 0:16:19 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:16:19 | 0:16:21 | |
-APPLAUSE -Oh, dear... | 0:16:23 | 0:16:25 | |
20% of all the pilots were in fact not even British... | 0:16:29 | 0:16:35 | |
-Polish? -Quite a few were Polish and Czechoslovakian, but also from | 0:16:35 | 0:16:39 | |
the Dominions, the Empire and the Commonwealth. | 0:16:39 | 0:16:41 | |
Canada and New Zealand and Australia particularly of course. And South Africa also. | 0:16:41 | 0:16:46 | |
There's one sitting on the plane at the end there, he's obviously hoping for a ride. | 0:16:46 | 0:16:50 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:16:50 | 0:16:52 | |
"Is this right...? | 0:16:52 | 0:16:53 | |
-"Is this where you go?" -"I'm ready!" | 0:16:53 | 0:16:56 | |
"I find you get a better view from here..." | 0:16:56 | 0:17:00 | |
What about modern pilots? Is it any advantage for THEM to posh up their accents? | 0:17:00 | 0:17:05 | |
-Yes - isn't it something that it's more reassuring for people? -Yeah... | 0:17:05 | 0:17:10 | |
The classic British Airways pilot is... | 0:17:10 | 0:17:12 | |
CLIPPED, POSH VOICE: "Welcome aboard..." | 0:17:12 | 0:17:14 | |
Nowadays, you've got your Virgin, Buzz and Go, | 0:17:14 | 0:17:16 | |
-and those guys sound like they're on Radio Top Shop... -They do! | 0:17:16 | 0:17:19 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:17:19 | 0:17:21 | |
DJ VOICE: "Good morning to you, ladies, | 0:17:21 | 0:17:23 | |
"gonna get this little baby airborne soon as I can... | 0:17:23 | 0:17:25 | |
"First of all, check out Lily Allen." LAUGHTER | 0:17:25 | 0:17:28 | |
And they tell you the Christian names of the other... | 0:17:28 | 0:17:31 | |
Why?! You don't need to know that. | 0:17:31 | 0:17:33 | |
I was on a British Airways flight about six weeks after 9/11, | 0:17:33 | 0:17:36 | |
and everybody was a little bit tense about flying out of New York - | 0:17:36 | 0:17:39 | |
and tragically, the plane directly in front of us took off and crashed. | 0:17:39 | 0:17:43 | |
I don't know if you remember, it was a flight going to the Dominican Republic. | 0:17:43 | 0:17:46 | |
Anyway, we all deplaned...and after about 12 hours we were allowed back | 0:17:46 | 0:17:53 | |
on to the flight. Anyway, the pilot came on and he said, | 0:17:53 | 0:17:56 | |
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, this is the delayed flight to London. | 0:17:56 | 0:18:00 | |
"I know many of you are seasoned travellers | 0:18:00 | 0:18:03 | |
"and probably don't watch the safety briefing, but perhaps today..." | 0:18:03 | 0:18:06 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:18:06 | 0:18:07 | |
Usually Australians get it right - | 0:18:13 | 0:18:15 | |
I was on an Ansett flight from Perth to Adelaide, and he started off by saying, | 0:18:15 | 0:18:19 | |
"We're on our way to Adelaide. If Adelaide is not your | 0:18:19 | 0:18:22 | |
"final destination, now would be an ideal time to deplane." | 0:18:22 | 0:18:26 | |
He started talking about the safety, then "But that's enough yakkety-yak from me. | 0:18:26 | 0:18:30 | |
"It's time to push some service down the aisles and some scenery past the window." | 0:18:30 | 0:18:35 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:18:35 | 0:18:36 | |
I thought that was very good. Australians are good at that kind of thing. | 0:18:38 | 0:18:41 | |
Now, accents... You're right, people do like | 0:18:41 | 0:18:43 | |
what they consider to be an authoritative and reassuring voice from a pilot. | 0:18:43 | 0:18:48 | |
72% of people interviewed felt at ease if a pilot had a what accent? | 0:18:48 | 0:18:51 | |
-People like Scottish accents... -Right. Edinburgh in particular. | 0:18:51 | 0:18:55 | |
-HE TALKS LIKE BILLY CONNOLLY -"I don't think that would be very good..." | 0:18:55 | 0:18:58 | |
But a nice, respectable Edinburgh would make you feel... | 0:18:58 | 0:19:00 | |
-Miss Jean Brodie. -That's right. That would be fine. | 0:19:00 | 0:19:03 | |
You could sit down on the plane, hear "Ding-dong..." | 0:19:03 | 0:19:05 | |
HE MIMICS RONNIE CORBETT "Ha-ha... This is not the one about the aeroplane..." | 0:19:05 | 0:19:09 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:19:09 | 0:19:10 | |
"..that crashes in the river, it's not that one..." | 0:19:10 | 0:19:13 | |
What about a Geordie accent? | 0:19:13 | 0:19:14 | |
65% of people said a Geordie accent would make them feel more or less comfortable? | 0:19:14 | 0:19:18 | |
He can serve the drinks. | 0:19:18 | 0:19:20 | |
"He can serve the drinks"?! Ooh... | 0:19:20 | 0:19:23 | |
-I don't want him flying the plane. -Well, funnily enough... | 0:19:23 | 0:19:26 | |
Very friendly... But they're likely to be chatting too much and then they'll just crash into Earth. | 0:19:26 | 0:19:31 | |
..65% said they don't mind a Geordie, they'd like a Geordie. | 0:19:31 | 0:19:34 | |
Very popular for a call centre. | 0:19:34 | 0:19:36 | |
-What about Brummie? 76% said they would or wouldn't... -ROB: Oh, no. | 0:19:36 | 0:19:40 | |
I'm afraid to say that they would not like... | 0:19:40 | 0:19:43 | |
It's easy to sort of think, "Sounds like a victim..." You know. | 0:19:43 | 0:19:46 | |
"Doesn't sound incompetent - sounds unfortunate." | 0:19:46 | 0:19:50 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:19:50 | 0:19:52 | |
-And I think... -I don't want a skilled pilot, I want a lucky pilot(!) | 0:19:52 | 0:19:55 | |
Exactly! The posh voice... Could be an idiot, but he's lucked his way through life. | 0:19:55 | 0:20:00 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:20:00 | 0:20:02 | |
Bet he screws all the stewardesses, and his wife never finds out... | 0:20:03 | 0:20:08 | |
Yeah, I want him flying. LAUGHTER | 0:20:08 | 0:20:10 | |
And 83% of men and women polled said they'd be more likely to trust a male or a female pilot? | 0:20:10 | 0:20:15 | |
-Oh, male. Must be. -Male. | 0:20:15 | 0:20:16 | |
I'm afraid so. Yeah. I'm sorry to say. | 0:20:16 | 0:20:18 | |
There we are. So that's your flying done for the moment. | 0:20:18 | 0:20:21 | |
Despite the stereotype of the Battle of Britain pilots being posh young chaps | 0:20:21 | 0:20:25 | |
fresh from the better public schools and varsities, | 0:20:25 | 0:20:27 | |
the great majority were in fact state-educated. | 0:20:27 | 0:20:29 | |
Now, what might you use these for? | 0:20:29 | 0:20:32 | |
-Oh, those are fantastic. -Aren't they great? | 0:20:32 | 0:20:34 | |
If they're mobile, they look like giant tubas... | 0:20:34 | 0:20:39 | |
-Tubas is the word that was used, they were called war tubas... -Sirens? Air raid warnings? -No. | 0:20:39 | 0:20:44 | |
Is it an over-large hearing aid? | 0:20:44 | 0:20:46 | |
-Yes. -What?! -Yes. | 0:20:46 | 0:20:48 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:20:48 | 0:20:50 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:20:52 | 0:20:54 | |
-Was it for hearing enemy aircraft? -It's like an ear trumpet. | 0:20:54 | 0:20:57 | |
You can hear enemy aircraft coming towards you. And by setting the angles, | 0:20:57 | 0:21:01 | |
they could determine not just the distance but the direction. | 0:21:01 | 0:21:04 | |
-Wheel it down to Dover, you can hear 'em in France. -That's the idea - like sound mirrors. | 0:21:04 | 0:21:08 | |
They had sound mirrors as well, which were not made of metal but usually of concrete. | 0:21:08 | 0:21:13 | |
These are Japanese, as it happens. The Japanese used them to detect aircraft coming in. | 0:21:13 | 0:21:18 | |
We had nothing quite as enormous as that, | 0:21:18 | 0:21:21 | |
but there have been yokes you put on your shoulders... Look at that. | 0:21:21 | 0:21:25 | |
And it's extraordinary how much they did give you a slight advantage. | 0:21:25 | 0:21:29 | |
Well, it looks silly, but I find myself more and more, as I enter my 30s now... | 0:21:29 | 0:21:33 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:21:33 | 0:21:35 | |
-..doing that. -Yes. | 0:21:35 | 0:21:36 | |
And it makes a hell of a difference. ..Take them away, David. | 0:21:36 | 0:21:40 | |
-Now - hello, Da... Not yet! -LAUGHTER | 0:21:40 | 0:21:42 | |
Hello, David, it's lovely to see you. Now try them. | 0:21:42 | 0:21:45 | |
Sorry, what...? LAUGHTER | 0:21:45 | 0:21:47 | |
-Put them there. -OK, yeah... | 0:21:47 | 0:21:50 | |
-Hello, David... -Ouch! | 0:21:51 | 0:21:52 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:21:52 | 0:21:54 | |
-You see? Practical proof. -He's misunderstanding for comic effect, but it's...it's true. | 0:21:54 | 0:21:59 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:21:59 | 0:22:00 | |
-Hello, David, lovely to see you... -It does quite genuinely work. | 0:22:00 | 0:22:04 | |
-ALAN: -It makes it sound different. | 0:22:04 | 0:22:07 | |
-ROB: It sounds much better. -If you do it... Now, that's very disorienting. | 0:22:07 | 0:22:11 | |
That's quite nice. And when you talk to yourself with them, you almost fall over. | 0:22:11 | 0:22:15 | |
-So don't talk to yourself like this. Also, you look like an idiot. -Yeah... | 0:22:15 | 0:22:19 | |
-I feel like I'm in front of myself. -ROB: Yes... | 0:22:19 | 0:22:22 | |
I think what's nice is it also has a nice warming effect on the ears. | 0:22:22 | 0:22:25 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:22:25 | 0:22:27 | |
It's really a win-win-win-win-win, isn't it? | 0:22:27 | 0:22:29 | |
Yes, I find it very comforting. | 0:22:29 | 0:22:31 | |
And also it means you can't hear all the horrible things people behind me are saying. | 0:22:31 | 0:22:35 | |
You'd have to reverse it, like that... | 0:22:35 | 0:22:37 | |
Shut up, shut up, shut up! LAUGHTER | 0:22:37 | 0:22:41 | |
Miaow! Get back in the knife drawer, Mrs Sharp! | 0:22:41 | 0:22:45 | |
Perhaps the really clever thing is the fact that you can | 0:22:45 | 0:22:47 | |
get the range and elevation from the slight difference in time, like what we were saying about clocks. | 0:22:47 | 0:22:52 | |
Our own ears receive the same sound, | 0:22:52 | 0:22:54 | |
but at slightly different times, cos one is nearer than the other. | 0:22:54 | 0:22:58 | |
I mean, it's minuscule. It's enough for the brain to process it | 0:22:58 | 0:23:00 | |
and know that the sound is coming from there, not there. | 0:23:00 | 0:23:03 | |
Some animals, like the barn owl, have this to an extraordinary degree. | 0:23:03 | 0:23:06 | |
Their ears are actually inside a kind of sound dish - that's what the round shape is in the owl's face - | 0:23:06 | 0:23:12 | |
and they've got one high, looking down, and one low, looking up, | 0:23:12 | 0:23:16 | |
and they're able therefore to tell with extraordinary precision | 0:23:16 | 0:23:19 | |
something they hear, exactly where it is. | 0:23:19 | 0:23:21 | |
So nature, as always, gets there first. | 0:23:21 | 0:23:24 | |
So - yes, Japanese war tubas were mobile acoustic locators | 0:23:24 | 0:23:27 | |
that helped to find enemy aircraft in the days before radar. | 0:23:27 | 0:23:30 | |
And so time's winged chariot glides us gracefully towards the crack of doom that is General Ignorance, | 0:23:30 | 0:23:36 | |
or in this case Generals Ignorant - let's see what we really know | 0:23:36 | 0:23:40 | |
about some of the greatest military leaders from history. Fingers on buzzers. | 0:23:40 | 0:23:44 | |
What animals did the Carthaginian general Hannibal use to defeat King Eumenes of Pergamon in 184BC... | 0:23:44 | 0:23:51 | |
-MELLOW NAUTICAL MELODY -Elephants. -Oh... | 0:23:51 | 0:23:54 | |
KLAXON | 0:23:54 | 0:23:57 | |
-..did he use to defeat who? -King Eumenes of Pergamon. | 0:23:57 | 0:24:01 | |
-Right... Him! -Him, there he is. | 0:24:01 | 0:24:03 | |
-Is he defeated(?) -Horses? | 0:24:03 | 0:24:05 | |
Tigers, lions, leopards, mice... | 0:24:05 | 0:24:07 | |
-Bacteria. -Birds, eagles... -LAUGHTER | 0:24:07 | 0:24:09 | |
Snakes! | 0:24:09 | 0:24:11 | |
Snakes... I don't think of that as an animal, really. | 0:24:11 | 0:24:15 | |
He put them in earthenware pots, threw them at the enemy and onto their ships. | 0:24:15 | 0:24:19 | |
-Really? What a great idea. -Snakes On A Plane, almost the first example of it. | 0:24:19 | 0:24:24 | |
How did Snakes On A Plane come about...? Do you know? | 0:24:24 | 0:24:27 | |
-ROB: Snakes On A Plane? -Yes, the film. | 0:24:27 | 0:24:30 | |
People had more money than sense, and er... | 0:24:30 | 0:24:32 | |
-LAUGHTER -Maybe... | 0:24:32 | 0:24:34 | |
Supposedly a group of scriptwriters were trying to think up the stupidest names - like a pub game - | 0:24:35 | 0:24:40 | |
and someone said, "Snakes On A Plane!" and they said, "Do you know, that's so crap, it's good." | 0:24:40 | 0:24:45 | |
It would be scary to be on a plane with lots of snakes, though. | 0:24:45 | 0:24:49 | |
-I liked the film... -Is it good? -Quite scary. | 0:24:49 | 0:24:51 | |
The key would be whether the plot that leads to the snakes | 0:24:51 | 0:24:54 | |
being on the plane is believable or not. | 0:24:54 | 0:24:56 | |
Well, they get out of a thing in the hold. | 0:24:56 | 0:24:58 | |
-Oh, well, that sounds all right to me. -Yes! | 0:24:58 | 0:25:00 | |
-And they're snakes, so they can get through tiny cracks. -They come up the loo! -Oh...! | 0:25:00 | 0:25:05 | |
-Ooh... Anyway. Yes... -LAUGHTER | 0:25:05 | 0:25:08 | |
Hannibal defeated the Pergamese by bombing them with pots full of snakes. | 0:25:08 | 0:25:13 | |
Now, who succeeded Harold as King of England in 1066? | 0:25:13 | 0:25:16 | |
-Is there a trick to it? -No - it's just you need to name the person who succeeded Harold | 0:25:16 | 0:25:20 | |
-as King in 1066.... -DAVID: Don't trust him! | 0:25:20 | 0:25:23 | |
-The trick is to know the answer. -I don't trust you. At all. | 0:25:23 | 0:25:28 | |
Is it the bastard, then? | 0:25:28 | 0:25:30 | |
Who's the bastard? Oh, dear... | 0:25:30 | 0:25:32 | |
-KLAXON -See? You see?! | 0:25:32 | 0:25:36 | |
-It wasn't a trick. -Did England cease to exist in some way, or was it changed in name? | 0:25:36 | 0:25:40 | |
There was another Saxon claimant who was nominally king for 45 seconds, or something... | 0:25:40 | 0:25:45 | |
Well, for a few months, yes. Yes. | 0:25:45 | 0:25:47 | |
-Edgar Atheling. -ROB: Ah. | 0:25:47 | 0:25:49 | |
And er, he was 15 years old. But Saxon kings were... | 0:25:49 | 0:25:54 | |
-How did you become a king if you were a Saxon? -Did you have to be nominated? | 0:25:54 | 0:25:58 | |
You had to be from one of the five or six families... and then you'd be elected. | 0:25:58 | 0:26:03 | |
-By what, by votes? They would vote for you? -Yes. | 0:26:03 | 0:26:07 | |
Edgar the Aetheling. 15 years old. But of course William had won the battle, | 0:26:07 | 0:26:10 | |
and so he came after him and he tried to fight - he couldn't raise an army, he went abroad... | 0:26:10 | 0:26:15 | |
-He didn't live a very successful life. -He was 15, so he wouldn't have been able to do anything. | 0:26:15 | 0:26:19 | |
Edgar the Aetheling was proclaimed king after the death of Harold, | 0:26:19 | 0:26:23 | |
and reigned for two months before William was crowned. | 0:26:23 | 0:26:25 | |
Why did Julius Caesar wear a laurel wreath? | 0:26:25 | 0:26:28 | |
GRANDIOSE FANFARE Was it because he was bald? | 0:26:28 | 0:26:30 | |
Yes, is the right answer! Absolutely right. He was very vain. | 0:26:30 | 0:26:35 | |
According to Suetonius, his baldness was a disfigurement of which he was deeply ashamed, | 0:26:35 | 0:26:39 | |
and so he chose the laurel wreath as one of the things he had a right to wear, and wore it all the time. | 0:26:39 | 0:26:45 | |
"The laurel wreath is going to do wonders for you, Julius... | 0:26:45 | 0:26:49 | |
"What it's going to do is take attention away from your baldness. | 0:26:49 | 0:26:53 | |
"Now, they come in a variety of colours and styles - | 0:26:53 | 0:26:56 | |
"we're going to start you off with a very simple, traditional one." | 0:26:56 | 0:26:59 | |
He was also supposed to have invented the comb-over, cos Suetonius... | 0:26:59 | 0:27:03 | |
He invented the comb-over?! LAUGHTER | 0:27:03 | 0:27:05 | |
I shall quote you Suetonius in translation. "He used to comb forward the scanty locks | 0:27:05 | 0:27:10 | |
"from the crown of his head, and of all the honours voted for him | 0:27:10 | 0:27:13 | |
"by the Senate and people, none did he receive more gladly | 0:27:13 | 0:27:16 | |
"than the privilege of wearing a laurel wreath at all times." | 0:27:16 | 0:27:19 | |
He must have looked like a '60s footballer who'd come through a hedge! | 0:27:19 | 0:27:23 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:27:23 | 0:27:24 | |
It would be like leaving your Christmas cracker hat on all year. | 0:27:24 | 0:27:28 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:27:28 | 0:27:29 | |
So, with that display of general incompetence, we reach the end of recorded history. | 0:27:29 | 0:27:34 | |
All that remains to see is who has learnt its lessons, | 0:27:34 | 0:27:37 | |
and who is condemned to repeat its mistakes endlessly...on Dave. | 0:27:37 | 0:27:42 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:27:42 | 0:27:43 | |
And taking their place in history tonight | 0:27:43 | 0:27:45 | |
with a magnificent plus 2 points | 0:27:45 | 0:27:48 | |
-is Rob Brydon! -CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:27:48 | 0:27:51 | |
Happily dancing to the music of time in second place with minus 4, | 0:27:55 | 0:27:58 | |
-it's David Mitchell! -CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:27:58 | 0:28:01 | |
Hanging grimly on to past glories with minus 27 | 0:28:03 | 0:28:07 | |
-is Sandi Toksvig! -CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:28:07 | 0:28:11 | |
And finally, sadly no more than a forgotten obscure footnote... | 0:28:13 | 0:28:17 | |
-with minus 29, Alan Davies! -CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:28:17 | 0:28:20 | |
Well! That's all from this historic edition of QI, | 0:28:26 | 0:28:29 | |
so it's goodnight from Sandi, Rob, David, Alan and me. | 0:28:29 | 0:28:31 | |
I leave you with Winston Churchill's remark to Stanley Baldwin in the House of Commons. | 0:28:31 | 0:28:35 | |
"History will say that the right honourable gentleman was wrong", | 0:28:35 | 0:28:38 | |
he remarked. "I know it will - because I shall write the history." | 0:28:38 | 0:28:42 | |
Goodnight. | 0:28:42 | 0:28:43 | |
APPLAUSE AND WHISTLING | 0:28:43 | 0:28:45 | |
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd | 0:29:04 | 0:29:06 | |
E-mail [email protected] | 0:29:06 | 0:29:08 |