Kings QI

This programme contains some strong language.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Good evening. Good evening. Welcome to QI, where we're all kings for the day.

Joining me at court are His Majesty King James VI, Jimmy Carr.

APPLAUSE

His Majesty King William III, Bill Bailey.

APPLAUSE

His Majesty King Jeremy the Only, Jeremy Clarkson.

-APPLAUSE

-Thank you.

And King Alan Davies.

APPLAUSE

Before we commence our battle royale, let the trumpet sound.

Jimmy goes...

ORNATE FLOURISH

Bill goes...

ORNATE FLOURISH

Jeremy goes...

ORNATE FLOURISH

And Alan goes...

PARTY HORN

Why am I not surprised?

Here are some kings I'm sure you're utterly aware of but can you

tell me how they got their nicknames?

These are all real kings and their real nicknames.

Constantine - you should be able to guess where he comes from.

-Sorry...

-Greece.

Has your crown slipped?

Yeah, it's, look, it's done that, you see, that's a...

-Like that.

-It's a medieval torture.

Yeah, this is what they put round royal dogs to stop them

nibbling their stitches.

Imagine the crown maker...

Has your head lost weight?

-Yes, it has, yes.

-It's lost even more hair than when we started.

-Yeah.

-That's right.

-That's very unfair.

Yes, I do apologise. It's just...

You're welcome to take it off.

Try and get it down the other way.

Shall I try and go through it?

Yeah, try and go through it. I think this is...

APPLAUSE

And that's the last we ever saw of him.

That's not a good look.

You, honestly, you look fine. You look fine.

That's so like something out of Lord Of The Rings now.

-Even more than ever.

-I'm going to make this my passport photo.

What do you do? I'm a fighting king. What do you want?!

But you can take it off now, you can all take off your crowns.

Oh, God, thanks, thank you. Thank you very much, yes.

-So, this brings us to these names.

-Names, right.

Constantine...

Constantine the Great, the first Constantine was?

Was he a Greek?

He was a Roman emperor,

but he moved the capital from Rome to his new city, Constantinople.

And he became Christian,

and this one is a descendant of his who became very unpopular

and his enemies claimed that, when he was baptised,

he was so nervous, he pooed in the baptismal font.

We've all done that.

-We've all had nights out.

-Yeah.

So they called him Koprononym, which is the Greek for Crap-Name.

-Oh, I see.

-Poo-Name. Kopronym.

Was he christened then as a child or as an adult?

-I think...

-Because it's worse, I think, as an adult.

Yes.

It's embarrassing if you're an emperor and that's all they call you - Poo-Name.

-You're still an emperor.

-I'm still emperor.

So what were the other ones? Let's have a look.

See if you can have any sort of mild guess.

Louis the Universal Spider.

He was actually Louis the XI of France.

Could he climb up the water spout?

No, that wasn't it.

It's because he had webs of conspiracies all across Europe.

Oh.

It wasn't because he got stuck in the bath.

-They all had names. Friends of Philip the...

-Spaniard.

Philip the Good.

Oh, right.

-"The Good" shows a lack of imagination, doesn't it?

-Yeah.

-Yeah, the Good.

Good, it's good though, isn't it?

It's better than Dave the Satisfactory.

That's the best you could have hoped for on your reports.

That's probably what channel we're on now, as people are watching.

APPLAUSE

Yeah. Graham the Outstanding.

He was considered good because he pursued so many crusades

which is not considered good these days. Went off to the Holy Land and killed people.

-We'd never do that today(!)

-No.

-No.

As if. So the next one is King Eystein the Fart.

-Is that meant to say Einstein?

-No. It is Eystein.

-He got it wrong?

-Eystein the Fart.

-Eystein the Fart.

So he farted once.

"Fart" is Norwegian. Speedy, fast.

Oh. So it's just a typo, really.

No. It's correct in Norwegian.

It's lost a little bit in the translation.

He travelled a lot and he was the first source we have in writing of ice-skating.

He described his own "ice legs".

-Fshhh!

-Exactly.

Yeah. Oh, ice legs.

He was succeeded by his son, whom you will like, who has one of the best names of any king.

Halfdan the .Mild

Halfdan the Mild?

-Ah.

-Surely that's a "half a mild please, Dan"? Isn't that?

That's pretty good. Halfdan the Mild.

Yeah. Foreign policy was like, ah, it'll be fine.

Right, let's go to King Ragnar.

Why was he called what he was called?

Hairy Breeches. Oh, um...

Was he very hairy?

He wore hairy breeches.

His wife made them out of animal hide

and they were there to protect him.

As you can see, he's here being killed. How's he being killed?

By his own trousers.

-No.

-Does it kill the animals before she made the clothes?

His Viking ship capsized off the coast of Northumbria,

and he was thrown into a pit of poisonous snakes.

What, in Northumbria?

By the King of England, who was at the time King Ella.

-Where did he find these poisonous snakes from?

-Adders.

Yeah, but, no, that wouldn't kill him though.

Adders, that would give you a bit of an itch. They're not really poisonous.

It may be a made-uppy story.

But Ragnar was eventually avenged by his son,

who was called Ivar the Boneless.

He'd be called Ivar the Viagra these days.

Yes.

-He could get through railings.

-Yeah.

And he got his revenge on King Ella...

It's a pretty good super power. Didn't one of the Fantastic Four have that?

In Valiant comic there used to be Janus, who was an escapology person.

A bottom with a J in front.

But he could, yes, that's right. And he could get through tiny gaps.

Oh!

LAUGHTER

Ah, there you are.

-There you go. Janus.

-Every week, he was in a situation...

A Janal situation.

..where it would be really helpful if he could get through a tiny gap.

I don't know how the writers kept coming up with these scenarios

where the only solution was for Janus to get through a tiny gap.

But he was always going through drain grids and that sort of thing.

And avoiding the door that was open.

-That'd be too easy.

-Quite often he'd forgotten his keys.

That's King Ragnar, the Hairy Breeches,

being killed by King Ella, who came down on him in a pit.

He was avenged by having his ribs opened

and his lungs spread out against his chest, which was known as...

-Say it again.

-The Blood Eagle.

-Very good, yes.

Audience, ten points.

He wasn't that boneless if he had a ribcage.

No, he did it to the man who killed his father.

Well, then presumably this person was, it was against his will.

Yeah. It wasn't just, come on then, wey!

-Help yourself.

-See? Fill your boots.

I saw a documentary about heart surgery

and to get through the sternum, they used a power saw.

-I mean, it was...

-ALAN WHIRS

-It's quite hard to get in there.

-Yeah.

Or a little toffee hammer. And it takes a lot longer.

-Yeah.

-It's a very small power saw.

-It's not a huge...

-I mean, it's not a great big one.

-No, it's not a logging thing.

-STEPHEN MIMES POWER SAW

-It's a tiny...

-ALAN WHIRS GENTLY

But when you're over a certain age, they can't risk doing

that to you any more and they actually go up through the...thigh.

Penis.

Well, you were going, "up through, up through"...the penis.

What a pity.

Pee-hole surgery.

APPLAUSE

Requires a steady hand, obviously.

Don't be absurd, they go up through the anus.

-Oh, of course.

-Oh, dear!

-So sorry, Stephen.

-They go up through a major...

Yeah, like your mate through the tiny cracks in the...

Janus.

That's why he was called Janus.

-I've got a job for you, Janus.

-Oh!

Up you go. Oh, God! Steady, chap.

Stephen, now, I've got a question about farts.

Oh, yes?

Do you think that farts smell before they come out?

I'm not going in to find out!

Quite a philosophical one from you, Alan.

If you went up someone, when Janus goes up to do the heart surgery...

Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

You wouldn't have to hold your nose, is what I'm saying,

you'd be free to use both hands.

If you have a colonoscopy, 24 hours before,

you have to take these unbelievably powerful...

Hallucinogenics.

APPLAUSE

Whoa! Oo-ee!

Ho-ho, I'm being taken by a space octopus!

Pushing on, name a cobra beginning with K.

King.

KLAXON

Oh, Jeremy, Jeremy, Jeremy. A king cobra isn't actually a cobra.

It has its own genus, which is in fact ophiophagus,

which would tell... It sounds like "off your face."

Off of your faces?

No. Ophiophagus. Phagus means?

Eating. Eating. Ophio...

It means snake. So it's actually a snake-eating snake.

A snake-eating snake.

Yes, it is, that's right.

I saw a cobra eat a snake.

Well, maybe you can make up for your lack of points,

by making the noise that a king cobra makes.

I'm just going to get that klaxon again, aren't I?

-It doesn't make a noise.

-It does make a distinctive noise.

-Was it... All right, OK.

-"Hello!"

Very good. So just imitate a king cobra if you can.

-Does it hiss?

-BARKS

-We're all...

-Meow!

-KLAXON

-Does it bark?

Oh, you did the hiss.

I didn't, it wasn't me, I was barking.

No, no, no, Alan did the hiss.

-You did the bark so you get points back.

-So does it hiss?

-Does it hiss?

-It barks.

-What do you mean, it barks?

-It barks like a dog.

-It barks. Like a dog.

-Who does the research?

-Do you want to hear it?

It just seems that we should get some...

-Here we go. Here, here we go.

-SNAKE BARKS

There you go.

There's no way that that's a snake.

It is a king cobra. Fact.

Bring him out, bring him out.

Bring him out, yeah.

Just to prove it...

-AS EAMONN ANDREWS:

-You thought he was over there

but he's here tonight. Please welcome...

Can we hear that again?

-Stephen Fry's barking cobra.

-It was a guess.

-Ssh.

SNAKE BARKS A barking cock-alike.

-ALAN BARKS

-It feels like if we play that a few times, it would

sound like the TARDIS. Shall we just...?

-OK, keep going.

-See if we can...

SNAKE BARKS REPEATEDLY

Anyway, it has a little sort of special place in its trachea

and a kind of kazoo-like membrane and it makes that noise.

I'm surprised we didn't know that.

Wait a minute, a kazoo, a kazoo-like membrane?

Well, a membrane, yeah.

It doesn't sound like one, I grant you. It doesn't sound like one.

OK.

What else is interesting about king cobras? How venomous are they?

Really venomous.

More venom than any other snake. It's not as venomous but they've more of it.

They've got more of it, and then they envenomate more often.

-They venomate a lot.

-And they chase you.

Yeah. So they're really bad.

-They chase you while barking.

-Yes.

-With more venom than...

-It's warning enough to stay away.

-Yeah.

-So, now.

Oh, dear, why are we just always in this region?

It's so unfortunate.

Why might a Frenchman want this up his bottom?

The French love shoving things up their bottoms.

KLAXON

Who knew, who knew I was going to go there?!

We knew it was you, yeah.

-Of course!

-It's true that if you ask for an aspirin in France,

they will, their first action is to...

-Oh, straight up the bottom.

-Is it to get tape worms?

No, it is a surgical instrument and it was devised for one particular...

-What's our theme this evening?

-Kings.

-Who's the most famous king of France?

-Louis the XIV.

Louis the XIV, the Sun King.

-Yes.

-And he was very fond of riding, and enemas,

-as they all were in those days.

-Was he constipated often?

It was worse than that, he developed a condition which has

a particular name. And...

Faecal concreting.

It's in the faecal area.

I don't know, I just made it up.

It's when a duct appears between two organs and connects them, which they

shouldn't be connected, it causes great pain and it's called?

That's a hernia. Ask, ask rib-cage man, he'll know.

It means a little pipe and it is?

-Fistula.

-Fistula.

-Fistula.

-They're very good, this audience.

-Yeah.

Are we doing QI Historical Embarrassing Bodies?

Anyway, Louis XIV had a terrible fistula, and his doctor...

-Oh, no.

-That's the dilator.

Oh, no.

-That's to dilate.

-That's what they used for the common man!

-No.

The king had to have that too, he had to dilate it with that.

I'm afraid that would have hurt a lot.

Yes, but you still haven't got to why he'd want to put a cobra up his bottom.

That was to pierce and slice the fistula.

What?!

-Yeah. And it worked.

-Really?

-It worked.

So Felix de Tassy, the doctor, was given

an estate and became hugely popular and no less than 30 courtiers,

mimicking the King, said, "Yeah, I've got one of those too."

You know, it's a really cool thing to have,

suddenly having a fistula was the thing at Versailles.

So he had this huge order book, basically. But to be fair to him,

he didn't perform the operation on anyone who didn't need it, he was good enough

to spot when people were faking, just by trying to mimic a king.

What is the instrument on the left? Does that have a name?

I don't know if it actually has a name, I guess it's a fistula...

It's called a...AAAGH!

APPLAUSE

Moving on. What has 20 legs,

five heads and can't reach its own nuts?

Wait, hold on. 20 legs, what?

-Five heads.

-Five heads.

Westlife.

Oh, you're so lucky. You're so lucky.

I know what the klaxon was.

I presume the klaxon... Shall I?

-Yeah, go on.

-One Direction?

-KLAXON

-Whoa!

I've thought, I've got to go somewhere a little bit away...

You're so behind, Jeremy, it's very sweet.

Some kind of hideously mutated tyrannosaurus squirrel.

-It's got the word king in it, oddly enough, and it's...

-Is it a plant?

-It sounds like a gypsy band, but it's the Squirrel Kings.

-Squirrel Kings.

-What would Squirrel Kings be?

-The best squirrels.

Well, oddly enough, no, it's really unfortunate, normally

they squirm around on the trees, but sometimes trees exude a sticky sap.

-Yes.

-And when that happens and the baby squirrels

get their tails in the sticky sap, their tails get stuck together

and you can get this, where they're absolutely stuck together.

AUDIENCE: Aww!

Oh, that's fucking hysterical.

APPLAUSE

Seriously, they get stuck together?!

You are so bad. The audience goes, "Aww!"

It's not... That's the funniest thing I've ever heard of.

And they're never going to be organised enough to all say

"Right, ready, steady, all run off in different directions."

-They'll never be able to do that.

-I'm afraid they will all perish.

If you saw the damage squirrels do... They are appalling rats.

Talking of rats, people call them tree rats,

and the phenomenon was first spotted in rats in Germany and in museums

and universities in Germany there are examples of huge rat kings,

where rats have been shoved together and preserved in alcohol.

That's a vast one - pretty disgusting-looking, as you can see.

Which trees? Are they lime trees that cause this?

I want to know specifically. Is it a lime tree?

-Just one that exudes a lot of sticky sap will do you.

-Lime.

Lime does exude a lot of stuff, and some trees, of course, exude a lot.

-How do the tails get stuck together?

-In the rats' case, I don't know...

Not the rats, no, I'm more interested in the squirrels.

-Why would they...

-I'm not going to be the one

who teaches you to murder squirrels.

It's not murder, it's pest control for the sake of Britain's woodland.

They go up the tree and they get it on their tail?

-What makes them go near another one?

-They wriggle over each other

looking for their mother's milk, they're at that stage.

-They're baby squirrels?

-Yes, they're babies.

-Oh, that's a bit sad.

LAUGHTER

Oh, he has got a heart, ladies and gentlemen.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, we'll catch you in a minute.

You'll be caught on camera smearing Pritt on the bumper of your car.

LAUGHTER

All right. Now how could King's Cross Station possibly be improved?

Turn it into a car park.

Turn it into a car park!

-A Wagamama's.

-LAUGHTER

This was a plan in 1931.

Oh, to improve it?

-Was it the Germans' plan?

-It was the age of optimism and pride

and speed and machinery and, oh...

Was it a bit after that?

So it was the roof... Yeah...

-Glass. Crystal.

-The roof was flat.

-Runway.

-Yes!

It was to have an inner airport for London...

-No way, what, land...?

-..on the roof of King's Cross.

-And look at that design.

-What?!

Why is Boris Johnson messing around with the Thames Estuary

-when we could have one there?

-Isn't that brilliant?

-It's brilliant

apart from whoever's in the middle where there'll be some traffic.

-It's controlled.

-I can see where the crashes are going to take place.

It's controlled. You have radio.

Wait a minute. That's a device for gluing squirrels' tails together.

-That would be... Wouldn't that be great?

-Isn't it? So great, isn't it?

And obviously the jet era would have got rid of it,

they're not long enough for jet runways,

but they are long enough for ordinary prop airplanes.

-Light aircraft could land.

-They could.

-People could commute

-to London and it would be great.

-I know. Really great.

And they had elevators designed so the airplanes

would be hangared in, and then lifted up.

That's not just form 4B homework.

-They took it seriously.

-That was serious?

Yeah. It is lovely, isn't it? I'm very impressed with it.

Quite difficult to land on a kind of a bend, though, isn't it, like that?

-I think you use the straight bits.

-LAUGHTER

That would have been an amazing pilot's last words.

"This is tricky!"

Now, kingfishers - most of the kingfishers in the world

live near what?

-Water.

-Rivers.

-Well, no, they don't.

-Forests.

-Kingfishers?

No, most of the kingfishers in Britain live near water.

-But most of the kingfishers in the world don't.

-Sea?

No. Not near water at all.

-Why are they called kingfishers?

-That's a British word for them.

Because we in Britain see them by the river.

They're called kingfishers all over the world.

No, they're called "alkuon" in Greek.

What do you think we call them...?

-The Greek for kingfisher?

-Halcyon, exactly,

-but it doesn't mean "fisher".

-There it is, fishing.

It's... In Britain.

-Sorry, why does it...?

-Fishing again.

-In Britain.

-In Britain.

-The evidence is there behind you.

-In Britain.

-No, but if you go to...

-Go to Africa.

-Somewhere that isn't Britain.

-Africa.

-For example.

I've seen a kingfisher not anywhere near a river, you're right.

-In Africa...

-They're mostly all like this.

Mostly in Africa they live in disused termite nests.

-It looked lost.

-They live in disused termite nests.

-"You haven't got a fish on you, Bill, have you?"

-Yes.

"I mean, you haven't seen a river round here, have you?

"Water or anything?"

What is the colour of that kingfisher?

-It's turquoisey really, isn't it?

-Azure? Turquoise?

-It's brown.

-It's brown?

-Yeah.

This programme's getting more and more ridiculous every week.

It is a sort of optical illusion.

In fact, the actual colour pigment is brown,

but it iridesces it.

I must remember, I'll go to the middle of the Sahara Desert and get

one and then put it in a darkened room and see what colour it is.

Yeah. Perfect. Just because it's not near a river

-doesn't mean it's in the Sahara Desert.

-It eats fish.

Are you saying that the colour it is isn't the colour

-that it appears to be?

-No, because all colour is perception.

But that's kind of what I meant by colour.

-Yeah. But the...

-That's a bluey colour, that fella.

But if you examine it, in terms of its actual pigmentation...

-Right up close.

-Right up close,

rather than where it is presenting with the light striking it.

-Oh, right, so if I examine it without any light.

-No.

Oh, that feels brown.

I just don't understand when you do this on this show,

you go, "That brown thing is a blue thing

"and that blue thing is a brown thing."

I know, but iridescence is a very particular quality -

in the same way that petrol is not rainbow-coloured.

You put it on water in a puddle and it seems to be, but it's not.

-It's pink.

-Nobody knows what colour petrol is.

-Well, quite, exactly.

-Yeah, that's right. It could be any colour.

No-one has ever checked.

Nobody's ever gone, "What colour is this?"

They used to have pink or blue diesel, didn't they, for farmers?

Red diesel. Which you're not allowed to put in your car, and I don't.

No. Quite right.

Evading tax, Jeremy, it's a slippery slope.

All right.

Just saying.

OK, how many King Henrys of England have there been?

ORNATE FLOURISH

-Say it.

-Eight!

-No!

KLAXON BLARES

There were nine, in fact.

Henry II had a son, who was known as Young King Henry,

who according to the French tradition was anointed King

while Henry II, his father, was still alive.

And so he wasn't given the reginal number III, but he was King,

and he died at age 27 or so and he was quite an amusing fellow.

He was very popular, he died young, but when he was 17,

he...he got in trouble with his father for refusing to turn up home

at the castle for Christmas.

Instead, he held a feast in Normandy in which he invited

only knights whose name was William.

It's a randomly peculiar thing to do.

So he was actually Henry, the second and a half.

Yeah, kind of, yeah.

I love the idea of that party, though.

He's been to so many fancy events, he's gone,

"I can't remember everyone's name. I just want Williams."

And he arrived and went, "Hello, William. All right, William?

-"William."

-"Bill, Bill, Bill."

Saves you having to bother with the name,

like the Beefsteak Club in London,

where all the staff are called Charles, whatever their names,

so people go, "Hello, Charles, I thought Charles would be here."

"No, milord, Charles is ill, so Charles is here."

-Is this a real place?

-It is a real place

-called the Beefsteak Club, yeah.

-You're a member of that?

-I am, yes.

It's very old and very good fun.

Don't mock me.

Yeah, we just go to a caff, but, yeah.

That makes you more real.

"Charles, oh, Charles, yes, Charles, tea please, two teas," you know.

The staff from there are probably watching this, going,

"Oh, it's that Stephen Fry,

"he thinks everyone's called Charles. Bloody idiot."

We can't just tell him now.

Someone's just told you that the first day you arrived.

It's a practical joke on you.

-All right.

-Did they also ask you to go for a long wait?

No, they didn't.

Name the Queen's official residence.

ORNATE FLOURISH

-I'll go Balmoral.

-Ah!

KLAXON BLARES

2A Pall Mall.

-2A Pall Mall, SW1.

-Yeah.

No.

ORNATE FLOURISH

I'm going to say official residence, Buckingham Palace.

KLAXON BLARES

-I meant Windsor Castle.

-No!

KLAXON BLARES

A submarine is sinking somewhere.

-Yeah.

-Berlin.

-Jeremy Klaxon.

-Sandringham?

-Sorry?

-Sandringham?

Oh, Alanny-wallany-woo. Not Sandringham.

KLAXON BLARES

I'm feeling left out.

I wonder why there's three different pictures.

-It's 3A.

-It isn't...

Center Parcs, Surrey. I don't know.

The Eagle's Nest.

Does she have a static caravan?

If you are the American Ambassador, you present your credentials to?

-It's actually the Queen...

-The court of...?

-St James's Palace, is that her official...?

-The right answer!

-If only I could award you more points...

-I wish I didn't have

this speech impediment that made Buckingham sound...

St James's Palace is the official residence of the monarch,

although she does, of course, spend most of her time in her second,

third, fourth, fifth homes.

OK, it's time for a little experiment.

-Here's some potassium iodide. It's a catalyst.

-Oooh!

-Yes!

My experiment also involves me having,

for health and safety reasons, to wear these.

Cowabunga, dude, you look awesome!

Tell us, O mighty king.

ALL: Oooh!

-Oh, stop it, no!

-I can tell from that sample you've had asparagus.

Well...

..what that is, is H2O2. Does anyone know what H2O2 is?

-Water water.

-Yes. Double water.

It's H2O, it's water with an extra oxygen molecule,

but it has a different name.

AUDIENCE MEMBERS: Hydrogen peroxide.

They're a good audience. Well, that's partly because three quarters

of the women have got blonde hair.

But it's quite unstable and it's always trying to

lose its extra molecule and turn to water and to oxygen gas.

And we've mixed it here with some ordinary detergent,

some washing-up liquid.

So could you go and stand next to Bill?

-It's not really violent, let's just say...

-Well, why...?

Let's just say...

Hang on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

What? When? What am I, a human shield or something?

It's all right, you're this side of him, it's not that violent.

Stephen, you don't seem too concerned about my safety.

You can stand next to Jeremy, that's a good point.

It's that much nearer Alan.

It's really, you'll see, it's not going to be dangerous.

-It isn't dangerous.

-It might be dangerous.

-It isn't.

-Just hold me.

It's basically...

Do you want to sit on my knee?

-Don't stop, I liked it.

-Here we go, are you ready?

Do you want to count me down, audience?

Count me down from three. Three...

-Oh, what comes next?

-AUDIENCE: Two...

one!

LONE AUDIENCE MEMBER: Zero.

GASPING

APPLAUSE

-Oh, very good.

-There you go.

And so...

That's quite a money shot!

Stephen, are you suggesting if I get some of that potassium...?

That that will really make you perform in bed? No.

-Well...

-That's amazing!

-..that magnificent...

-Whoa, it's still...

-Oh, yeah, that's it, baby.

It's a rather horrible yellow at the edges, though, isn't it?

Yeah, it does get like that! Do you know what? I've been away.

Anyway, that brings us to the final scores, while it's still flowing.

And...let's have a look here.

I'll have to hurry you, because you're going to be invisible.

In last place, with minus 38 points, it's Jeremy Klaxon.

APPLAUSE

Second equal...second equal,

with minus 19, Bill and Jimmy.

APPLAUSE

APPLAUSE OVER SPEECH

Do my eyes deceive me?

Tonight's runaway winner with minus 18, Alan Davies!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Though the unquestionably knowledgeable audience

takes the ultimate palm with plus eight!

So from Jimmy, Jeremy, Bill, Alan and me,

good night.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd