Over and Ova QI


Over and Ova

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Transcript


LineFromTo

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Good evening!

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And welcome to QI.

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Tonight, we are completely all over the place, a feast of O's,

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with scrambled ovi.

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Your ovations, please, for the overlooked Bill Bailey...

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CHEERING

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..the overexcited Jan Ravens...

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CHEERING

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..the overwhelming Grayson Perry...

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CHEERING

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..and all over the shop, Alan Davies.

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CHEERING

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Let's get their buzzers over with. Bill goes...

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MUSIC: Over and Over by Hot Chip

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Jan goes...

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MUSIC: It's Over by Electric Light Orchestra

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Well, I like that one. That one's good. Grayson goes...

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MUSIC: It's Over by Roy Orbison

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I didn't know how to tell you, Grayson.

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-I just...

-Yeah.

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And Alan goes...

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They think it's all over.

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It is now!

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CHEERING

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It's finally one you like.

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Ah, I love that!

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So my first question is about ova, spelled O-V-A.

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You can't learn to ski jump without breaking legs,

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and you can't make an omelette without...

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-BOTH:

-Breaking eggs.

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Yay! And we're off and running.

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But you're going to show us how you can.

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You can make an omelette without breaking eggs.

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In Japan, it's called a golden egg, as we shall demonstrate.

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What you need to do is...

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-Get a chicken.

-An egg.

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It's in a pair of tights.

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It's in a stocking, so I'm going to pass this to you.

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And what you need to do is you need to basically to break the membrane

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that is round the egg yolk, that is called the vitelline membrane.

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It's protein fibres. And what you do is, you spin it like this,

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and you're trying to shake the egg and, actually,

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it's one of the good things, when you let go, it does that.

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I've got a very expensive suit on at this point.

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-Ah, OK. Just spin it gently, would be the thing, yeah.

-Yeah.

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I don't think we've ever had anybody

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who's worn expensive clothing on this show before.

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Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

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Just a really cheap children's toy, isn't it?

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-Have you broken yours?

-Yeah.

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And you spin it

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and you mix up the egg inside the shell...

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-Right.

-It's actually quite tough to do.

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-AS SCOTTY FROM STAR TREK:

-I cannae make it go any further, Jim!

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And then you boil it, and it will, when you remove the shell,

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it will reveal that it is an omelette.

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I mean, some people would say it's more of a scrambled egg than an

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omelette. But Escoffier's definition -

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"In a few words, what is an omelette?

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"It's really a special type of scrambled egg enclosed in a coating

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"or envelope of coagulated egg, and nothing else."

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So our version ought to qualify.

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That's what a man looks like...

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-It's a bloke, innit?

-In tights.

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Actually, we could ask Grayson.

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This is what a man looks like in tights?

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Grayson, I'm so sorry.

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I'll tell you, if my skirt was any shorter...

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Let's have a look at the below-the-desk cam.

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Oh, look.

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OK. I have a question for you all.

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-OK.

-Here is a bottle...

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-Right.

-..with an egg in it. How did it get in the bottle?

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It's one of those tricks you read about in old encyclopaedias,

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-isn't it?

-Yes.

-Yes.

-And what do you think it is?

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So you can't plunge that in a pan of boiling water

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and then somehow extricate the shell.

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So if I have another bottle, you can see that the egg...

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Oh, I know how you do it.

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You take all the air out of the bottle and it sucks the egg in.

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So the way you do that is you're going to light...

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Let me show you.

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Do you want me to play some music or something?

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Can you light that, darling?

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HE HUMS

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Oh, well, it's doing it.

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It's like trying to get into your jeans, isn't it?

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AUDIENCE: Hey!

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CHEERING

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That is what happens when you get

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Eric Pickles and you try and get him out of an aeroplane.

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We've overbooked the flight, you're going to have to...

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Actually, no, you can stay.

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You go up to 30,000 feet and open the door.

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I've got one more trick. So this is a little bit hit and miss.

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-Go on.

-But I will do my best. When it works, it's absolutely fantastic.

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What is this?

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-Oh. I have to be more...

-Can you hit it the other way?

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I've got to... No.

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-Go on.

-Does it work?

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AUDIENCE: Yay!

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CHEERING

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OK. Moving from eggs to bacon.

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What did pigs finally manage to do in the 1930s?

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-Uh...

-Fly.

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-No.

-No?

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Become self-aware.

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Uncurl their tails.

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Become a metaphor for socialism.

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-Yeah.

-According to the OED, pigs

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oinked for the first time in 1933.

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Before that, they just grunted.

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Well, a few... Yeah, exactly. JAN GRUNTS

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A few went... You do all kinds of impressions...

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I do. I do animals, everything, yeah.

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But it doesn't actually sound like oink, that, does it?

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No, there's... There are other things.

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"Rout", they went, apparently, in 1650.

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One went "wick" in the 18th century.

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But the practice of oinking is an American practice.

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The Washington Post, 6th June 1933,

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mentions a small white pig oinking

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its disapproval of the effete city folks.

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So they didn't oink until the Washington Post decided that

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was the thing that they had to do. Oink.

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-Right.

-In Denmark, they say "oof oof".

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French swine go "groin groin", apparently.

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-That's more like it.

-I wonder if that affects how we view the animal,

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because "oof oof" sounds quite positive,

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even though, you know, in Denmark, they probably kill more pigs

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per capita than in any other country in the world.

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And we have no problem with that.

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The very first pig to fly in fact

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came 24 years before the onset of oinking.

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4th November 1909.

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An English aviation pioneer called JTC Moore-Brabazon,

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he thought for a laugh he would

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attach a wastepaper basket to a biplane,

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and he took it on a 3.5-mile flight over the Kent countryside.

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And he had to wait 100 years for YouTube to be invented.

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Yes, I know.

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He went on to be the Minister of Transport,

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but he clearly liked a bit of a flight.

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"When pigs fly" is known as an adynaton.

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It's a figure of speech in the form of hyperbole,

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and they have wonderful examples in other countries.

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The middle one is France - "when hens grow teeth".

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-Yes.

-The one on the right is Hebrew -

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"when hair grows on the palm of my hand".

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My favourite is the Russian one -

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"when the crawfish whistles on the mountain".

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And we say "when the Lib Dems reform".

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Now, what makes the FBI say OMG?

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Well, it's not going to be, "Oh, my God," is it?

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So it's got to be something else.

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It's to do with outlaws.

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-Outlaw, ooh.

-Outlaw?

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Moving gradually.

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Moving fast, it would be, in fact. It's outlaw motorcycle gangs.

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-Oh!

-They're known as OMGs

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-to law enforcement.

-We got a OMG!

-Hell's Angels.

-Hell's Angels indeed.

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-Oh, fab.

-And do you know the term one-percenter? Do you know...?

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They're the people with all the money.

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Yeah, so the Occupy movement and so on,

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they talk about the top 1% who control the wealth.

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Because, you know, I've had motorcycles all my life,

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and that used to be a badge I quite

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often saw on those collections on denim waistcoats that people had...

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Yeah, so what it was was that full badge members

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wear the 1% to show their outsider status because there was a

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claim by the American Motorcycle Association

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that 99% of their members

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were God-fearing and family orientated.

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And so the 1% wanted to make damn

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sure that everybody knew that they were

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the bad guys. OK, while we're on the subject of Hell's Angels,

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we're now going to play...

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-What a game!

-Can you pick that board up there, darling?

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-Certainly.

-So what I want you to do...

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We have written on it for you, Alan,

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-Hell's Angels.

-Hell's Angels.

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I want you to put the apostrophe in the correct place.

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OK. Is it going to be angels belonging to Hell?

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That's it, isn't it? No?

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BUZZER

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-No.

-Oh, you flippin'...

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It was bound to happen, wasn't it?

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-I hadn't even done it.

-I know.

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You were so keen.

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After the S, up there, then?

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Try that. Yeah, go on.

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Go, go for it.

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BUZZER

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No, it's a trick.

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-There isn't one.

-There isn't one?

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There isn't one. They don't want one.

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Oh, they don't want one!

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No, and who's going to argue with them, frankly?

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-I've gone off them.

-Until recently,

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they had a note in the FAQs of their official website.

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"Should the Hells in Hells Angels have an apostrophe

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"and be Hell's Angels? That would be true if there were only one hell,

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"but life and history has taught us

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"that there are many versions and forms of hell."

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Then people still carried on criticising them and saying it

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should be Hells' - with an apostrophe after the S.

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And so it's since been amended, and it now says,

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"Missing apostrophe in Hells Angels - yes,

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"we know that there is an apostrophe missing, but it is you who miss it.

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"We don't."

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You know, that's the kind of

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punctuation-based rebellion that we need.

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Every time I put on my leather jacket, I think,

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"Yeah, to hell with punctuation!"

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Sticking it to the man, one apostrophe at a time.

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Yeah! Us and the market stall traders.

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Setting a poor grammatical example, that's the way we roll.

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-Yeah.

-Hell's Angels, founded in 1948,

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some of the gangs that amalgamated together,

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one of them was called the Pissed Off Bastards of Bloomington.

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Maybe too difficult to get on a jacket.

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-That's a lot of studs.

-I think that's really good.

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Anybody know where the name Hell's Angels comes from?

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-The origin?

-Is it Paradise Lost or something?

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It's a film, actually, by Howard Hughes.

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-Apostrophe, apostrophe!

-Apostrophe!

-Apostrophe!

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So the American air squadrons in World War II,

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which is probably where the motorcycle gangs got it from,

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but the pilots got it from the Howard Hughes film.

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-All right.

-Hell's Angels are fierce in the defence of their trademark.

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They've sued Disney and Toys R Us and so on.

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You can't wear... Back patches in general are frowned upon.

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If you're a motorcycle dude,

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if you're wearing a back patch and it's not an official registered one,

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you can get into trouble.

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-Can you?

-Yeah.

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When I was young, the Coggeshall Bastards were the local one.

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And they were so tough that they

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eschewed the leather jacket because they thought that was a bit effete.

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-Oh.

-So they wore pac-a-macs and Wellingtons on their bikes.

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That was the myth, they were so hard they didn't...

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Their skin didn't need leather protection.

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-Nah.

-I love the idea of the sound of a pac-a-mac rustling in the wind.

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You can get good slogans.

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I was at the motorcycle show once and there was a T-shirt and it said

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on the back, "If you can read this, the bitch fell off."

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Right, moving on.

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Um, can you name a female outlaw?

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Well, not Jesse James.

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-No.

-Bonnie out of Bonnie and Clyde.

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Strictly streaking, there is no such

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thing as a female outlaw in British law.

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Outlawry is when an individual

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was placed outside the protection of the law,

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and females denied protection of the law were called something else.

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They were called waived women.

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Isn't that awful?

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So their right to any petition was said to be waived,

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so left out or not regarded.

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Can you name a male outlaw of the Wild West?

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-Of the Wild West, oof.

-Yeah.

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Billy the whatsit.

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-Billy the whatsit?

-Billy the Kid?

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The Sundance Kid?

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Yeah, what's her name?

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Butch Cassidy.

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We can go on and on. Uh, so, again,

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there were no outlaws as such in the old West. Male or female.

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Oh, you amaze me.

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So in the original meaning,

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an outlaw is merely somebody who's been put outside the law,

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so denied its protections.

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ALAN HUMS DRAMATICALLY

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Yeah, that's a fantastic film, isn't it?

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So these were... So none of them were outlaws.

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In order to be an outlaw, you had to be set outside...

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ALAN HUMS

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Are trying to hum the theme tune to The Magnificent Seven?

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-Yeah.

-Yes.

-That's not the theme tune to The Magnificent Seven.

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GRAYSON HUMS

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-No, that's Bonanza.

-Oh, that's Bonanza!

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-Oh, I liked Bonanza.

-I thought Bonanza was...

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-JAN HUMS

-# Bonanza! #

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Yeah, yeah, I think that was right. I think we need...

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I demand that...

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-That's the Muppets!

-Someone google it.

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Does anybody know the bloody theme tune?

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BILL HUMS: The Magnificent Seven Theme

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BOTH HUM

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Come on, everyone!

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Everybody, join in!

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AUDIENCE HUMS

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CHEERING

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Now, back over to O-V-A, ova now.

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What is the secret ingredient

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of virgin boy eggs?

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Oh....

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Yeah, it's... Oh, I promise you, it's...

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-Acne.

-Like taking it out with a syringe and sticking it in the egg?

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Boy eggs. A pustule.

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Done, it'll be like a Walnut Whip.

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GROANING

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You see, I thought what I've got on the card is disgusting,

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but it's possible you've topped it. I think that...

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It's a Chinese dish called tongzidan.

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-What?

-And it is literally virgin boy eggs.

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They prepared by boiling hens' eggs in the urine of young boys.

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-Ugh!

-Now, come on,

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it's a springtime delicacy in the

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city of Dongyang in Zhejiang province.

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-You're making this up now.

-No, no.

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So they soak them in the urine and then they bring them to the boil,

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and then they're simmered for a day with fresh urine, a few herbs,

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and at the end of the process, they apparently look like that.

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The urine is from boys under the age of ten,

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and what they do is they collect it in a bucket in primary schools.

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And each of the eggs are sold at...

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It's about 20p apiece.

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According to one Dongyang resident, they taste a bit like urine,

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but not too much.

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-Yeah.

-There are people who do drink

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their own urine for medical benefits,

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-don't they?

-There are, yes.

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That is a horrible picture.

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Apparently it tastes slightly sweet but salty. A bit like a margarita,

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-I imagine.

-Yes.

-And...

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Does he normally have it in one of those glasses?

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With salt round the rim.

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Oh, no! Oh, no, no, no.

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You're saying salt round the rim, and then...

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-Tastes a bit like urine, not too much.

-Not too much.

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There was a Mexican boxing champion called Juan Manuel Marquez,

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and he rather famously showcased the practice of drinking his own urine

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ahead of a fight in 2009, with Floyd Mayweather Jr.

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But he lost.

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Not a disgrace. Everyone loses to Floyd Mayweather Jr.

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I don't think it would do you any harm

0:16:130:16:16

because, fundamentally, the toxins leave your body through the faeces,

0:16:160:16:19

-so...

-Can only do you harm if it's off.

0:16:190:16:21

-Yes.

-You've got to have it fresh and warm.

0:16:210:16:23

But if you drank some, and then you

0:16:240:16:26

urinated it out and then drink that,

0:16:260:16:28

and then urinated that out and kept on going...

0:16:280:16:30

-Yeah, you probably...

-..how many sort of goes before you...

0:16:300:16:33

Before it's completely nothing at all?

0:16:330:16:35

Before it's just a cube coming out, I guess.

0:16:350:16:38

Urine stock cube to use in your...

0:16:380:16:42

You go to the Chinese supermarket for a small boys' wee cube.

0:16:420:16:47

"You got the, uh..."

0:16:470:16:48

"I haven't got a bucket of boys' wee..."

0:16:480:16:50

"I haven't got time to go to the primary school.

0:16:500:16:52

"Can you give me some urine stock cubes?"

0:16:520:16:54

I spent time with the Mundari people of South Sudan,

0:16:540:16:57

and they used the urine of their

0:16:570:16:59

incredibly prized cattle to dye their

0:16:590:17:01

naturally black hair orange, so during the morning ablutions -

0:17:010:17:04

that's what's happening there - the men lower their heads into

0:17:040:17:07

the urine stream of a tethered cow, and they use the ash -

0:17:070:17:09

you can see his body is white there -

0:17:090:17:11

from burned cow dung smeared all over the face and body,

0:17:110:17:13

but it acts as a natural antiseptic and it stops mosquitoes.

0:17:130:17:16

It's a mosquito repellent. If he stays there too long,

0:17:160:17:18

he'll get a pat on the head.

0:17:180:17:19

Wow. Oh now, now, the audience are rebelling again.

0:17:240:17:27

Some are going, "No, that was good."

0:17:290:17:31

-No, no. Yeah, no.

-Don't encourage him. Don't encourage him.

0:17:310:17:34

For whom was it all over because of its ova?

0:17:370:17:41

Was it Edwina Currie?

0:17:410:17:43

Oh. Did she not have some egg...

0:17:430:17:45

-AS CURRIE:

-She had an egg-based scandal, didn't she, Edwina?

0:17:450:17:48

Yes, she's actually morphed into

0:17:480:17:49

Hyacinth Bouquet as I sit here, but...

0:17:490:17:51

She is from the same neck of the woods.

0:17:540:17:56

-Didn't she have an affair with John Major?

-She did, yes.

0:17:560:17:59

They said you could tell by the CURRY stains on his underpants.

0:17:590:18:02

GROANING Hey!

0:18:020:18:03

Oh, now, you miss the pat on the head joke now.

0:18:050:18:07

Sorry, I just got a call here.

0:18:110:18:12

1982 want their jokes back.

0:18:120:18:14

OK, for whom was it all over because of its ova?

0:18:190:18:21

We are in a Bill Bailey area of information.

0:18:210:18:23

A bird. It'll be a bird, Bill.

0:18:230:18:25

-A bird?

-Yes.

-Was it stealing eggs, was it?

0:18:250:18:27

Well, yes, I suppose, there's a bit of stealing involved.

0:18:270:18:30

Let me show you.

0:18:300:18:31

-So I've got...

-Oh, my Lord!

0:18:310:18:33

..some eggs here.

0:18:330:18:35

-Oh.

-So this one is an ostrich egg.

0:18:350:18:37

-Isn't that amazing?

-Yes.

0:18:370:18:39

-Wow.

-This is roughly the size of the egg that I am talking about.

0:18:390:18:44

Now, you can't have a real one

0:18:440:18:45

because they're worth an absolute fortune.

0:18:450:18:47

-So this is...

-Is this a prehistoric egg of some kind?

0:18:470:18:50

It is the elephant bird.

0:18:500:18:52

-The elephant bird.

-The elephant bird.

0:18:520:18:54

And this is a Heston Blumenthal

0:18:540:18:55

chocolate egg that is roughly the same...

0:18:550:18:57

-Wow.

-I know. And it's got something in it.

0:18:570:18:59

I don't know if we should open it and have a look.

0:18:590:19:01

Does anybody want to...?

0:19:010:19:03

-Oh, please, go on.

-So what happened is, humans stole the eggs for food,

0:19:030:19:06

-Bill.

-Yes.

0:19:060:19:07

Whoa!

0:19:090:19:11

-Wow.

-Do you know about the elephant bird?

0:19:110:19:13

They were around until the 17th century.

0:19:130:19:15

They were flightless, they were about 10ft tall.

0:19:150:19:17

-Oh, right.

-They weighed about half a tonne,

0:19:170:19:19

and they lived on the island of Madagascar.

0:19:190:19:21

They had a ferocious kick, so you wouldn't have been able to

0:19:210:19:23

get near them, human beings. I mean, imagine such a big bird.

0:19:230:19:26

But the eggs of the elephant bird were 100 times the size of a

0:19:260:19:29

chicken's egg, so it could have fed a family for several days.

0:19:290:19:31

So you couldn't attack the bird to eat it,

0:19:310:19:33

but you could probably get hold of the eggs,

0:19:330:19:35

and so many eggs were taken that eventually the bird became entirely

0:19:350:19:39

extinct. And we still find fragments of the shell of the elephant bird

0:19:390:19:41

near where we know human beings lit fires.

0:19:410:19:44

David Attenborough, didn't he reassemble one?

0:19:440:19:46

From pieces he found on the beach?

0:19:460:19:48

Yes, he did, because they're incredibly valuable.

0:19:480:19:50

The last one that was sold at Christie's, which was in 2013,

0:19:500:19:53

sold for £66,000.

0:19:530:19:55

And also, when they are found now, the Malagasy government claims them,

0:19:550:19:59

and so any ones in private ownership or in museums or whatever are

0:19:590:20:01

incredibly rare. So that's why we've got the chocolate one.

0:20:010:20:04

-Yes.

-What a shame it died out, isn't it?

0:20:040:20:06

Yeah. Now, here's a simple question.

0:20:060:20:09

Who spends all day fossicking in the mullock?

0:20:090:20:12

-Yes, Alan?

-I do.

0:20:120:20:14

You do?

0:20:140:20:15

I feel like I'm doing that right now, after I've eaten that egg.

0:20:160:20:19

It sounds like you are sort of looking in the washing basket for a

0:20:190:20:22

clean pair of pants, the cleanest pair of pants, doesn't it?

0:20:220:20:25

Well, you are looking... You are looking through dirt.

0:20:250:20:27

Is it between tides?

0:20:270:20:29

-Scavenging and...

-Scavenging.

0:20:290:20:30

-Beachcombing.

-Beachcombing, yes.

0:20:300:20:32

So "fossick" is possibly from the Cornish meaning "to search out",

0:20:320:20:35

and "mullock" is Middle English for "dust" or "rubbish".

0:20:350:20:38

It's the business of grubbing around,

0:20:380:20:40

that's the fossicking, in the spoil,

0:20:400:20:41

the mullock, of numerous mounds left by opal miners around Coober Pedy.

0:20:410:20:46

-Coober Pedy!

-They call it "noodling".

0:20:460:20:48

It's a small town in the vast desert outback of South Australia.

0:20:480:20:51

-Yes.

-Have you been there?

-I've been there.

-And they have underground

0:20:510:20:54

-hotels...

-Did you fossick?

-I did fossick briefly, yes,

0:20:540:20:56

in the minibar.

0:20:560:20:58

What is this, the "what" capital of the world?

0:21:020:21:04

The opal capital of the world.

0:21:040:21:06

The opal capital of the world. Provides about three-quarters of the

0:21:060:21:09

-world's opals.

-Otherwise known as Vauxhall, in this country.

0:21:090:21:12

It gets so hot in the summer, they have to live underground.

0:21:120:21:16

And I met a bloke there who went there when he was 20,

0:21:160:21:19

and he was digging around... Just... You can...

0:21:190:21:21

-Noodling.

-Noodling away.

0:21:210:21:24

And the bloke next to him found a 7 million opal.

0:21:240:21:28

And that's it, he never left!

0:21:280:21:30

He was still there, after all this time.

0:21:300:21:32

Well, you can buy a permit for less than £40.

0:21:320:21:34

-Yeah. You could.

-So it is possible you could make your fortune.

0:21:340:21:37

You talked about those underground places -

0:21:370:21:39

cos it's all sandstone, they built these astonishing...

0:21:390:21:41

-I stayed there!

-Did you?

-Yeah.

-Astonishing buildings.

0:21:410:21:43

Serbian Orthodox underground church!

0:21:430:21:46

It is. Half the town's residents...

0:21:460:21:47

There's 3,500 people live there. Half of them live underground.

0:21:470:21:50

And, in fact, the name Coober Pedy is

0:21:500:21:52

an Anglicised version of the aboriginal "kupa piti",

0:21:520:21:54

which means "white man in a hole".

0:21:540:21:56

Do you play golf at all, Bill?

0:22:010:22:03

-I do, yes.

-Cos one of the top ten extraordinary golf courses in the

0:22:030:22:06

-world...

-I didn't play there, but it looked extraordinary.

0:22:060:22:09

It's a unique golf course.

0:22:090:22:10

There is no grass.

0:22:100:22:12

-That's right.

-So you get given a little tiny turf of grass,

0:22:120:22:14

-anybody who plays golf.

-It's all bunker!

0:22:140:22:17

It's all crushed rock.

0:22:170:22:18

And the greens are made of sand mixed with sump oil,

0:22:180:22:20

so that the sand doesn't blow away.

0:22:200:22:22

And to avoid the daytime sun, which can be incredibly hot,

0:22:220:22:25

they often play at night, and they use these...

0:22:250:22:28

-These eggs!

-Yes.

0:22:280:22:30

..these glow-in-the-dark balls...

0:22:300:22:32

Can we just turn the lights out and see if these will actually function?

0:22:320:22:35

I'm going to see if I can...

0:22:350:22:37

So there's a glow in the dark...

0:22:370:22:39

Sandi's shirt, as well!

0:22:390:22:41

-Wow.

-Did you know it's the only golf course in the world that has

0:22:410:22:44

reciprocal rights with the Royal and Ancient?

0:22:440:22:46

It's an extraordinary place.

0:22:460:22:48

People do... I mean, there's mining, that's it.

0:22:480:22:50

-It's all there is.

-But look at that...

0:22:500:22:52

It's funny in Australia, though, cos it's all kind of "no worries",

0:22:520:22:55

you know, and, "Yeah, great, no worries."

0:22:550:22:57

And you kind of think, "Oh, that's great, they're such a

0:22:570:22:59

"happy-go-lucky, lovely people."

0:22:590:23:01

And by about a week in you're thinking,

0:23:010:23:03

"Can we actually worry about something now?!"

0:23:030:23:05

No, it's all just, "Great, no worries."

0:23:050:23:06

There's a great expression they have there which is "too easy".

0:23:060:23:09

You ask them, "Can I get a beer, mate?"

0:23:090:23:11

"Too easy." You know.

0:23:110:23:12

It's a lovely thing. It's like, "Too easy, mate. Don't worry."

0:23:120:23:15

And it gets annoying after a while.

0:23:150:23:16

I was in the hotel, and this bloke phoned me up and said, "Mr Bailey,

0:23:160:23:19

"there's a package for you." I went, "OK."

0:23:190:23:21

He goes, "Do you want me to bring it up?"

0:23:210:23:23

I went, "OK," and then he went, "Too easy."

0:23:230:23:25

"All right, then. Well, fly it up, then!"

0:23:250:23:27

"Make it more difficult!"

0:23:290:23:32

I expect there's Australians at this very minute

0:23:320:23:34

on a panel show going, "They always ask, 'How are you?'

0:23:340:23:36

"but they don't want to find out!"

0:23:360:23:39

And if you're in LA,

0:23:390:23:41

you go down to breakfast, and the waiter says to you, "Hey there,

0:23:410:23:44

"how's your day been so far?!"

0:23:440:23:47

You think, "I'm just coming down to breakfast.

0:23:470:23:49

"Nothing much has happened so far."

0:23:490:23:51

-Nothing.

-"I've drunk me own urine, and now I want some eggs.

0:23:510:23:54

"Can you boil them in a bucket of boys' piss?"

0:23:570:24:00

I once had a waitress in Los Angeles...

0:24:000:24:03

Did you, now?!

0:24:030:24:04

I didn't mean for that to get out. OK...

0:24:110:24:13

Now it's time to go straight over to general ignorance,

0:24:190:24:21

fingers poised over buzzers, please.

0:24:210:24:23

What happens if you put a frog in cold water

0:24:230:24:26

and then heat it up to boiling point?

0:24:260:24:28

MUSIC: Over and Over by Hot Chip

0:24:280:24:30

Yes, Bill?

0:24:300:24:31

It turns...

0:24:310:24:33

..inside out.

0:24:330:24:34

No...

0:24:360:24:37

MUSIC: It's Over by Roy Orbison

0:24:370:24:39

-It gets a little bit warm and it jumps out.

-It does jump out.

0:24:390:24:42

The myth is that the frog will stay in the hot water.

0:24:420:24:45

It's often used as a sort of political parable -

0:24:450:24:47

Al Gore used it in The Inconvenient Truth, about climate change.

0:24:470:24:50

The idea that because it happens so slowly, you don't notice,

0:24:500:24:52

and then eventually you're going to die.

0:24:520:24:54

-But frogs are not that stupid.

-No.

-They are just not that stupid.

0:24:540:24:57

Put it the other way round,

0:24:570:24:59

so if you put a reptile in a warm tank and you gradually reduced the

0:24:590:25:02

temperature, it might very well allow itself to freeze to death.

0:25:020:25:05

Cos it's cold-blooded, it would respond to the dropping temperature

0:25:050:25:08

by shutting down its systems, basically.

0:25:080:25:10

It would go to sleep, and then it would freeze in its...

0:25:100:25:13

He's a jolly chap on the left there.

0:25:130:25:14

He's fab, isn't he?

0:25:140:25:16

Ba-da-bing-ba-da-boo!

0:25:170:25:18

And lastly, it ain't over until...

0:25:220:25:25

The fat lady sings.

0:25:270:25:28

-Yup.

-Why do we say that?

0:25:310:25:33

Opera, is it, and the fat lady comes on and sings,

0:25:330:25:36

and then when she's done, that it's over?

0:25:360:25:38

-Is it that?

-The usual explanation is that it is Brunnhilde in Wagner's

0:25:380:25:41

-Ring Cycle.

-The Ring Cycle.

0:25:410:25:43

-Look at those bosoms!

-Yeah.

0:25:430:25:45

Requires a substantial soprano.

0:25:450:25:47

Madonna's gone to seed, hasn't she?!

0:25:470:25:49

# Like a virgin...

0:25:490:25:51

# Touched for the very first time... #

0:25:540:25:56

OK, that's it, get out!

0:25:590:26:01

She sings one of the longest

0:26:010:26:03

operatic arias in history at the end,

0:26:030:26:06

but her aria is not quite the final sung part of the opera.

0:26:060:26:09

The last words go to the villain of the piece, Hagen.

0:26:090:26:12

He's an evil, scheming, Burgundian warrior who sings "zuruck vom Ring",

0:26:120:26:16

"get away from the ring", as he's

0:26:160:26:18

dragged by the Rhinemaidens to the river.

0:26:180:26:20

MUSIC: The Ring Cycle by Richard Wagner

0:26:220:26:24

# Zuruck vom Ring... #

0:26:240:26:28

I bet the queue at the loo is already forming,

0:26:310:26:34

as those bars are played!

0:26:340:26:35

Do you know that wonderful story about the end of Puccini's Tosca?

0:26:350:26:38

There's a marvellous moment when the soprano's supposed to leap to her

0:26:380:26:41

death off the walls, and Eva Turner, who was a famous British soprano,

0:26:410:26:45

was doing this at the Lyric Opera in Chicago,

0:26:450:26:47

and she complained that the mattress she was supposed to fall on was not

0:26:470:26:50

really springing enough, so they

0:26:500:26:52

replaced it with a trampoline, and...

0:26:520:26:54

..she reappeared three times!

0:26:550:26:57

There's an American saying, "It ain't over till it's over,"

0:27:010:27:04

which is a sort of variant on the fat lady singing,

0:27:040:27:06

and it's usually attributed to Yogi Berra,

0:27:060:27:08

who was the much-loved catcher of the New York Yankees,

0:27:080:27:11

but he was celebrated for his wonderful turns of phrase.

0:27:110:27:13

He said things like, "It's deja vu all over again," which I like.

0:27:130:27:17

"The future ain't what it used to be."

0:27:170:27:19

And the most famous thing he's supposed to have said is,

0:27:190:27:22

"It ain't over till it's over."

0:27:220:27:24

But now it really is all over, barring the scores.

0:27:240:27:26

Now, here's the thing, OK? Because Jan and I have been friends for a

0:27:260:27:29

really long time, and I know that Jan can do an impersonation of me...

0:27:290:27:33

I've got a blonde wig,

0:27:350:27:39

and I'm going to give you my glasses...

0:27:390:27:41

-OK.

-Can I be you, and you be me?

0:27:410:27:43

-OK.

-OK, marvellous.

0:27:430:27:45

This is a marvellous thing.

0:27:450:27:46

-OK.

-OK.

0:27:460:27:48

So I'm going to shift myself over, next to Grayson...

0:27:480:27:50

-OK. Right, so...

-Yeah.

0:27:500:27:51

-AS SANDI:

-Curiously, all you have to do with Sandi is remember the tune

0:27:510:27:55

goes up and down a lot, and, er...

0:27:550:27:56

So that brings us to the scores.

0:27:580:27:59

All over the place, it's Alan with minus 77 points.

0:27:590:28:02

Slightly overwhelmed, Bill with minus 7 points.

0:28:020:28:05

Over a barrel, Grayson, with plus 3 points,

0:28:050:28:07

but, OMG, this week's winner...

0:28:070:28:09

Well, it's JANDI, with five points!

0:28:110:28:14

CHEERING

0:28:140:28:17

So it's thanks from Grayson, Jandi, Bill, Alan and me,

0:28:220:28:25

and I leave you with this piece of advice from WC Fields -

0:28:250:28:27

"Start every day off with a smile, and get it over with."

0:28:270:28:30

Good night.

0:28:300:28:32

Sandi Toksvig looks at over and ova. Learn some tricks you can do with eggs, meet a flying pig and join in as the studio audience sings along with western film themes. With Bill Bailey, Jan Ravens, Grayson Perry and Alan Davies.


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