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'I'm Rhod Gilbert, stand-up comedian. | 0:00:02 | 0:00:03 | |
'People tell me I've got the toughest job in town, | 0:00:03 | 0:00:05 | |
'but I'm sure I'd find other things far more difficult, so I'm | 0:00:05 | 0:00:08 | |
'ditching my regular job and trying something completely different. | 0:00:08 | 0:00:11 | |
'This is my Work Experience.' | 0:00:11 | 0:00:13 | |
'This week, I'm a coach tour guide.' | 0:00:16 | 0:00:18 | |
'In a few days, I'll be taking a load of Welsh pensioners to | 0:00:20 | 0:00:23 | |
'Belgium, but the closest I've come to giving a guided tour is | 0:00:23 | 0:00:26 | |
'showing someone where the Hoover bags were when I worked in Curry's. | 0:00:26 | 0:00:29 | |
'A coach company near Pontypridd had agreed to take me on. | 0:00:29 | 0:00:32 | |
'I was here to meet Huw and Julie. Between them, they knew more | 0:00:32 | 0:00:35 | |
'about taking pensioners abroad than a Dignitas rep.' | 0:00:35 | 0:00:38 | |
A tour guide makes or breaks the holiday. | 0:00:38 | 0:00:41 | |
You can't just sort of ad-hoc something, it's got to be planned. | 0:00:41 | 0:00:46 | |
You've got to know what you're doing, where you're going. | 0:00:46 | 0:00:49 | |
It's exceptional customer service that we're looking for at all times. | 0:00:49 | 0:00:53 | |
There'll be a couple of people on board to keep an eye on you. | 0:00:53 | 0:00:56 | |
I'll be travelling with the group as well, | 0:00:56 | 0:00:58 | |
-but I'll be taking a back seat. -HE LAUGHS | 0:00:58 | 0:01:00 | |
I think this is probably the weirdest one I've done. | 0:01:00 | 0:01:03 | |
'I'd be travelling alongside veteran driver Glyn. | 0:01:03 | 0:01:06 | |
'He looked more like a coach driver than was humanly possible. | 0:01:06 | 0:01:09 | |
'When he started driving, | 0:01:09 | 0:01:10 | |
'Jesus was still turning water into Sunny Delight.' | 0:01:10 | 0:01:13 | |
Everything is self-explanatory in the toilet. Those buttons... | 0:01:13 | 0:01:16 | |
Self-explanatory toilet! | 0:01:16 | 0:01:18 | |
Oh, that's nice, Glyn! | 0:01:18 | 0:01:21 | |
That is nice, that is. This is the business, this one, is it? | 0:01:21 | 0:01:24 | |
That's pretty sharp, that one. | 0:01:24 | 0:01:26 | |
When you sit in the courier's seat, it is not so comfortable. | 0:01:26 | 0:01:29 | |
-Is that my seat down there? -That's your seat down there. | 0:01:29 | 0:01:31 | |
-HE LAUGHS -That's it, is it? -That's it! Yeah! | 0:01:33 | 0:01:37 | |
And after a hard day's tour guiding, I'll switch off and relax. Ohhh. | 0:01:37 | 0:01:42 | |
-That's much better. -That's better. -Unless you want to swap over. | 0:01:42 | 0:01:45 | |
I don't mind doing it. I detest driving, I hate driving, so... | 0:01:45 | 0:01:49 | |
-You hate driving?! -HE LAUGHS | 0:01:49 | 0:01:51 | |
-What sort of driver are you if you hate driving?! -I'm serious. | 0:01:51 | 0:01:54 | |
I detest driving. | 0:01:54 | 0:01:55 | |
-Glyn, can I ask you a question? -Certainly. | 0:01:55 | 0:01:57 | |
Do you ever feel like you're in the wrong job? | 0:01:57 | 0:01:59 | |
HE LAUGHS Hmmmmm. | 0:01:59 | 0:02:01 | |
I've got a full itinerary. Every day is mapped out for me. | 0:02:01 | 0:02:04 | |
Get up at this time, then breakfast, then get the luggage on-board. | 0:02:04 | 0:02:07 | |
Everything is boom, boom, boom. This time, that time. | 0:02:07 | 0:02:10 | |
I'm going to be responsible for getting all of us | 0:02:10 | 0:02:12 | |
into those places at the right time. That's a bit of a worry, isn't it? | 0:02:12 | 0:02:17 | |
'A few days later, at the crack of dawn, | 0:02:17 | 0:02:19 | |
'I waited with a suitcase full of Werther's Originals | 0:02:19 | 0:02:22 | |
'and an air rifle. | 0:02:22 | 0:02:23 | |
'I looked like a bellboy, felt like a bell end. | 0:02:23 | 0:02:25 | |
'It was time to belt up and head for Belgium.' | 0:02:25 | 0:02:27 | |
I'm in Magor services near Newport. I've had one hour's sleep. | 0:02:27 | 0:02:32 | |
And that's more training than I've had. | 0:02:32 | 0:02:35 | |
'With 30 Belgium-hungry silver surfers onboard, I felt | 0:02:35 | 0:02:38 | |
'as out of place as Robert Mugabe at a Geri Halliwell book signing!' | 0:02:38 | 0:02:41 | |
-Good morning, all. -ALL: Good morning. | 0:02:41 | 0:02:44 | |
I'm Rhod, I'll be your tour guide. Let's go to Antwerp! | 0:02:44 | 0:02:46 | |
ALL: Yes! | 0:02:46 | 0:02:48 | |
Oh, Glyn. You're spoiling me. | 0:02:50 | 0:02:53 | |
'The mobile retirement home sets sail, and like a cow that's | 0:02:53 | 0:02:56 | |
'been minced and vacuum-packed, I couldn't walk away now.' | 0:02:56 | 0:02:58 | |
I'll just make a few announcements, ladies and gentlemen. | 0:02:58 | 0:03:01 | |
There are two or three emergency exits. | 0:03:01 | 0:03:04 | |
How many are there, Glyn, on this particular coach? | 0:03:04 | 0:03:06 | |
Every window is an emergency exit. | 0:03:06 | 0:03:08 | |
Every window is an emergency exit. How do they get out the windows? | 0:03:08 | 0:03:12 | |
-There are little hammers on the pillars. -Hammers? | 0:03:12 | 0:03:14 | |
Then you've got to jump to the floor. | 0:03:14 | 0:03:17 | |
That's it, ladies and gentlemen, if you do have any problems, | 0:03:17 | 0:03:19 | |
simply smash the window and jump the 15 feet to safety. | 0:03:19 | 0:03:23 | |
I will be below with a sheet. | 0:03:23 | 0:03:25 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:03:25 | 0:03:26 | |
'Glyn sped to Dover. | 0:03:26 | 0:03:27 | |
'At the back, it was like Last Of The Summer Wine meets Spring Break. | 0:03:27 | 0:03:30 | |
'They were on a mission, knocking back the drinks like teenagers.' | 0:03:30 | 0:03:33 | |
-It IS chocolate now, is it? -Yeah, chocolate that is, yeah. | 0:03:33 | 0:03:36 | |
'With the party in full swing behind me, I wasn't sure what to do next. | 0:03:36 | 0:03:39 | |
'But I had to try and calm them down somehow. | 0:03:39 | 0:03:42 | |
'I tried some advanced Flemish lessons.' | 0:03:42 | 0:03:45 | |
'I'll just give you a couple of words that you may find useful. | 0:03:45 | 0:03:47 | |
-Yes is ja. -ALL: Ja. | 0:03:47 | 0:03:50 | |
-No is nee. -ALL: Nee. | 0:03:50 | 0:03:53 | |
-Hello is hallo. -ALL: hallo. | 0:03:53 | 0:03:56 | |
-And thank you is dank u. -ALL: Dank u. | 0:03:56 | 0:04:00 | |
If we do need the toilet, | 0:04:00 | 0:04:02 | |
the phrase you need is "waar is het toilet"? | 0:04:02 | 0:04:07 | |
ALL: Waar is het toilet? | 0:04:07 | 0:04:10 | |
If the situation is more urgent, "waar is het toilet? II hulp nodig." | 0:04:10 | 0:04:15 | |
Where is the toilet, I need help. | 0:04:16 | 0:04:19 | |
And once everything is back to normal, don't forget. Dank u. | 0:04:19 | 0:04:22 | |
Dank u. | 0:04:22 | 0:04:23 | |
'Gaining in confidence, I threw out some facts about our destination. | 0:04:23 | 0:04:27 | |
'I tailored it to my audience and they lapped it up.' | 0:04:27 | 0:04:29 | |
Belgian people are the most avid users of discount coupons | 0:04:29 | 0:04:34 | |
-in the world. -Never. | 0:04:34 | 0:04:36 | |
Belgium produces the greatest variety of bricks in the world. | 0:04:36 | 0:04:41 | |
Also, for those of you who are interested, | 0:04:41 | 0:04:43 | |
I wouldn't give me any hassle because if you do, | 0:04:43 | 0:04:45 | |
I should probably point out that Belgium has legalised euthanasia. | 0:04:45 | 0:04:49 | |
'As we rolled into Dover, | 0:04:49 | 0:04:50 | |
'a quick mirror under their noses established no-one was dead yet. | 0:04:50 | 0:04:54 | |
'Waiting for the ferry, | 0:04:54 | 0:04:55 | |
'I discovered one of our group was a retired tour guide. | 0:04:55 | 0:04:58 | |
'I hung on Roy's every word as he blew | 0:04:58 | 0:05:00 | |
'the lid off some of the industry's best-kept secrets.' | 0:05:00 | 0:05:02 | |
When you're serving teas, just keep your feet apart, like that. | 0:05:02 | 0:05:06 | |
-That gives you a little bit of balance. Right? -Good advice, Roy. | 0:05:06 | 0:05:11 | |
Good advice. HE LAUGHS | 0:05:11 | 0:05:13 | |
-Noted. Feet apart for teas and coffees. -OK. | 0:05:13 | 0:05:16 | |
-Is that the same for hot chocolate? -HE LAUGHS | 0:05:16 | 0:05:19 | |
'Roy's technique for standing up had worked a treat in the car park, | 0:05:19 | 0:05:21 | |
'and I couldn't wait to try it on the ferry.' | 0:05:21 | 0:05:24 | |
-Ladies and gentlemen, we can't go any further. -LAUGHTER | 0:05:24 | 0:05:27 | |
'On board, I got to know my group better. | 0:05:27 | 0:05:29 | |
'They were experienced coach trippers | 0:05:29 | 0:05:31 | |
'and knew exactly what they wanted. | 0:05:31 | 0:05:33 | |
'Gaynor made it clear that if their demands for entertainment | 0:05:33 | 0:05:36 | |
'weren't met, she'd suffocate a puppy in her hair. | 0:05:36 | 0:05:38 | |
'I turned to Glyn for help.' They want bingo. | 0:05:38 | 0:05:41 | |
-Hmmmmmm. -They demanded bingo. Gaynor is bingo this, bingo that. | 0:05:41 | 0:05:45 | |
When is the bingo? | 0:05:45 | 0:05:47 | |
'The waistcoated crusader and I set off in search of bingo cards, | 0:05:47 | 0:05:50 | |
'but with France in sight, it looked like that puppy was going to | 0:05:50 | 0:05:53 | |
'be munching perm, because no-one could help.' | 0:05:53 | 0:05:55 | |
"Bingo cards, France. Buy." | 0:05:55 | 0:05:57 | |
Who are you ringing? The National Bingo Helpline? | 0:06:00 | 0:06:03 | |
I might just buy a pair of sunglasses while I'm here. | 0:06:03 | 0:06:05 | |
No. Focus, focus. | 0:06:05 | 0:06:07 | |
'We had docked and I hadn't found any bingo cards. | 0:06:07 | 0:06:10 | |
'And now I couldn't find the coach either.' | 0:06:10 | 0:06:12 | |
-It's where you left it. -You what? -It's right there where you left it. | 0:06:12 | 0:06:15 | |
I've forgotten where I left it, though, that's the problem! | 0:06:15 | 0:06:18 | |
# Why are we waiting? Why are we waiting for Rho-o-od?! # | 0:06:18 | 0:06:24 | |
-Sorry! I was looking for you lot! -LAUGHTER | 0:06:24 | 0:06:28 | |
I was trying to find some bloody bingo! | 0:06:28 | 0:06:31 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:06:31 | 0:06:33 | |
'We glided into Europe with Wales's answer to | 0:06:33 | 0:06:35 | |
'Jenson Button, Glyn I-can't-do- my-waistcoat-buttons-up. | 0:06:35 | 0:06:38 | |
'The demands of the job and the 4:00am start had done me in.' | 0:06:38 | 0:06:43 | |
'The Antiques Roadshow rolled into Antwerp, | 0:06:44 | 0:06:47 | |
'but I'd neglected all of my duties for over an hour.' | 0:06:47 | 0:06:50 | |
I think I might have dozed off a bit there, did I? | 0:06:50 | 0:06:53 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:06:53 | 0:06:56 | |
We've all been waiting for tea! | 0:06:58 | 0:07:00 | |
You've probably noticed I've been quiet while we've been in Antwerp, | 0:07:00 | 0:07:04 | |
so as to allow you to enjoy it for yourselves for a while. | 0:07:04 | 0:07:08 | |
'I was exhausted, but I still had to drop a coachload of pensioners off | 0:07:08 | 0:07:11 | |
'at a budget hotel. | 0:07:11 | 0:07:12 | |
'That's not a euphemism for a difficult poo, | 0:07:12 | 0:07:15 | |
'I literally had to check us all in.' | 0:07:15 | 0:07:17 | |
That's our list. Here we are. | 0:07:17 | 0:07:21 | |
Mr and Mrs Jones. That could be anyone, couldn't it, that? | 0:07:21 | 0:07:25 | |
Jenkins and Cartwright. | 0:07:25 | 0:07:27 | |
'Checking in 30 Welsh people was never going to be easy. | 0:07:27 | 0:07:29 | |
'We had fewer surnames than the Nolan sisters.' | 0:07:29 | 0:07:31 | |
You're in 321, sorry, yes, that's right. | 0:07:31 | 0:07:33 | |
Are you supposed to be in a twin room, in 239? | 0:07:33 | 0:07:36 | |
You swapped with this lady. Oh, God, yes, you swapped with her. | 0:07:36 | 0:07:40 | |
Sod's law, the wrong Williamses | 0:07:40 | 0:07:42 | |
and the wrong Cartwrights have all gone in each other's rooms, | 0:07:42 | 0:07:45 | |
so I've basically got an inadvertent wife-swapping situation! | 0:07:45 | 0:07:48 | |
'I left them to settle into the wrong rooms with the wrong partners | 0:07:48 | 0:07:51 | |
'and crashed.' | 0:07:51 | 0:07:52 | |
'Day two was another early start. | 0:07:54 | 0:07:56 | |
'The historic city of Bruges and a sightseeing extravaganza awaited. | 0:07:56 | 0:07:59 | |
'I was as nervous as the puppy in Gaynor's handbag | 0:07:59 | 0:08:02 | |
'because I had to make sure the day ran like clockwork.' | 0:08:02 | 0:08:05 | |
-Have you seen Rhod this morning? -No. -No. -Have you seen Rhod this morning? | 0:08:05 | 0:08:10 | |
-No, I haven't seen him. -We haven't seen him either. | 0:08:10 | 0:08:13 | |
We've got about five minutes and then we're going. | 0:08:13 | 0:08:16 | |
Hi, Rhod, it's Huw. We were due to leave at 8:15 AM. | 0:08:16 | 0:08:20 | |
'Unfortunately, my clock didn't work and I'd overslept. | 0:08:20 | 0:08:23 | |
'Huw was angrier than a Glaswegian zit. | 0:08:23 | 0:08:25 | |
'The two Annes weren't happy, | 0:08:25 | 0:08:27 | |
'the whole day's schedule was now in jeopardy.' | 0:08:27 | 0:08:29 | |
Bollocks, bollocks, bollocks. | 0:08:33 | 0:08:36 | |
-Good morning, everyone. -GROANING | 0:08:36 | 0:08:40 | |
-I'm very, very, very, very sorry. -LAUGHTER | 0:08:40 | 0:08:43 | |
'I was in the doghouse. | 0:08:43 | 0:08:44 | |
'I needed to get us back on schedule but I knew nothing about Bruges. | 0:08:44 | 0:08:48 | |
'Our scenic river tour left any minute | 0:08:48 | 0:08:49 | |
'and I had parked us miles away from any rivers. | 0:08:49 | 0:08:52 | |
'We shuffled off in search of water like a budget version | 0:08:52 | 0:08:54 | |
'of the Thriller video.' | 0:08:54 | 0:08:56 | |
Sorry it's not warmer. My fault, my fault. | 0:08:56 | 0:08:59 | |
If you'd got up earlier, the sun would be shining! | 0:08:59 | 0:09:01 | |
Yes, I'm sure it was a lovely day! | 0:09:01 | 0:09:03 | |
'We were going as fast as we could but between us, | 0:09:03 | 0:09:05 | |
'we had more walking sticks than a Charlie Chaplin exhibition. | 0:09:05 | 0:09:07 | |
'We were getting later and later for our river tour.' | 0:09:07 | 0:09:10 | |
So, if I'd known how long this was going to take, | 0:09:10 | 0:09:12 | |
-I'd have got up earlier! -We're picking up the rear. | 0:09:12 | 0:09:15 | |
-No, you're not even picking up the rear either! -I can't believe it! | 0:09:15 | 0:09:18 | |
Come on, riff-raff. | 0:09:18 | 0:09:19 | |
-Don't be last, try and overtake them now on the way! -Change up a gear. | 0:09:19 | 0:09:23 | |
Yes, change up a gear now. | 0:09:23 | 0:09:25 | |
'Cold, battered and bruised, we finally got to the boats. | 0:09:25 | 0:09:28 | |
'If I was going to turn this round, I needed to blow their socks off | 0:09:28 | 0:09:30 | |
'or at least gently remove their support stockings. | 0:09:30 | 0:09:33 | |
'I had to give them the river tour of a lifetime.' | 0:09:33 | 0:09:35 | |
The Lake Of Love... | 0:09:35 | 0:09:37 | |
-The Lake Of Love is a romantic place... -MICROPHONE WHISTLES | 0:09:37 | 0:09:41 | |
-A romantic... -MICROPHONE WHISTLES | 0:09:41 | 0:09:44 | |
Oh, dear, is that the Palace? | 0:09:44 | 0:09:46 | |
-Is that the Palace of the thing there? -No, that's a hospital. | 0:09:46 | 0:09:49 | |
Oh, that's a hospital. | 0:09:49 | 0:09:50 | |
'My scenic river tour was partially hampered by my not knowing | 0:09:50 | 0:09:53 | |
'anything about Bruges.' Nothing to say about this bridge whatsoever. | 0:09:53 | 0:09:57 | |
-17th-century. -Oh, 17th-century almshouses on the left | 0:09:57 | 0:10:01 | |
-for the poor. -They're still used for them now. | 0:10:01 | 0:10:04 | |
They're still used for the poor. | 0:10:04 | 0:10:06 | |
Which make me feel a little bit insensitive | 0:10:06 | 0:10:08 | |
announcing that over a tannoy outside their house. | 0:10:08 | 0:10:10 | |
And on our left, some of the poor people, still happy. | 0:10:10 | 0:10:14 | |
It doesn't cost anything to smile. Look at that. | 0:10:14 | 0:10:16 | |
'Bags of kittens have had more enjoyable river tours, | 0:10:16 | 0:10:19 | |
'but things were about to get worse. | 0:10:19 | 0:10:20 | |
'I'd booked lunch on the other side of town | 0:10:20 | 0:10:22 | |
'and we trundled off again.' | 0:10:22 | 0:10:24 | |
If you throw a coin into the Lake Of Love, | 0:10:24 | 0:10:26 | |
your wish will come true, ladies and gentlemen. | 0:10:26 | 0:10:28 | |
Why don't you throw him in it?! | 0:10:28 | 0:10:31 | |
'Molly had a point. I was letting everyone down. | 0:10:31 | 0:10:33 | |
'Like a deputy headmaster who's gone into school in a negligee | 0:10:33 | 0:10:36 | |
'and pop socks, I knew I had to change. | 0:10:36 | 0:10:38 | |
'With more sightseeing laid on after lunch, I had an idea.' | 0:10:38 | 0:10:41 | |
I'm not pointing the finger, I'm not mentioning any names, | 0:10:41 | 0:10:44 | |
but as a group, we are quite slow. | 0:10:44 | 0:10:46 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:10:46 | 0:10:47 | |
I've got to offer, suggest that those who would like it, | 0:10:49 | 0:10:54 | |
take a taxi to the next venue. | 0:10:54 | 0:10:56 | |
'I'd finally done something right. My taxis were snapped up. | 0:10:56 | 0:10:59 | |
'I'd showed I was thinking about them | 0:10:59 | 0:11:01 | |
'and the mood improved immediately.' | 0:11:01 | 0:11:02 | |
Oh, hi, can I get some taxis for nine people, please? | 0:11:02 | 0:11:06 | |
I have quite a sense of achievement. | 0:11:06 | 0:11:08 | |
All I've done is order two taxis in Belgium. Still! | 0:11:08 | 0:11:11 | |
'I loaded the taxis and ran on ahead with my PILFs. | 0:11:11 | 0:11:14 | |
Pensioners I'd Learnt Were Fast! | 0:11:14 | 0:11:16 | |
Our next stop was avant-garde chocolate nut job, | 0:11:16 | 0:11:18 | |
Dominique Persoone, the Salvador Dali of the chocolate world. | 0:11:18 | 0:11:22 | |
-I'm the man, I am Rhod, hello. -Hello, Dominique, nice to meet you. | 0:11:23 | 0:11:25 | |
-Hi, thanks for making time for us. -Oh, no problem. | 0:11:25 | 0:11:28 | |
-We're all looking forward to this. -OK, good. Want to go upstairs? | 0:11:28 | 0:11:33 | |
-Right, yeah. -LAUGHTER | 0:11:33 | 0:11:35 | |
-Talk amongst yourselves. -LAUGHTER | 0:11:35 | 0:11:38 | |
Welcome, this is the test kitchen of our chocolate client team. | 0:11:38 | 0:11:42 | |
And I have all kinky spices that is not allowed to get | 0:11:42 | 0:11:46 | |
near our big production, | 0:11:46 | 0:11:48 | |
so, that is why we have this test kitchen here. | 0:11:48 | 0:11:51 | |
Having catered for the Rolling Stones, Dominique had | 0:11:51 | 0:11:54 | |
-invented some interesting ways of taking chocolate. -One, two, three. | 0:11:54 | 0:11:57 | |
HE SNIFFS | 0:11:57 | 0:11:58 | |
-That's inside? -LAUGHTER | 0:11:59 | 0:12:02 | |
-Let's have another go! -LAUGHTER | 0:12:02 | 0:12:05 | |
HE INHALES | 0:12:05 | 0:12:06 | |
Who else wants to have their brain turned with chocolate? | 0:12:06 | 0:12:11 | |
'The morning had been a disaster. I knew this was make or break.' | 0:12:11 | 0:12:15 | |
Feel your brain turning with chocolate? | 0:12:17 | 0:12:19 | |
'But minutes later, | 0:12:19 | 0:12:20 | |
'we were mainlining chocolates like the Milky Bar kid in a crack den. | 0:12:20 | 0:12:23 | |
'We'd totally forgotten the rubbish morning we'd had. | 0:12:23 | 0:12:26 | |
-Very dark lips. -LAUGHTER | 0:12:26 | 0:12:28 | |
HE SNIFFS | 0:12:37 | 0:12:38 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:12:38 | 0:12:39 | |
-Yeah. -Yeah? | 0:12:39 | 0:12:41 | |
'We were all off our Snickers. | 0:12:42 | 0:12:44 | |
'Twixes farts, but we'd bonded in the chocolate asylum.' | 0:12:44 | 0:12:48 | |
You all right? | 0:12:48 | 0:12:49 | |
All right, pair of Annes! Here they come. A right Anne-ful. | 0:12:49 | 0:12:53 | |
Look at them, Jenkins and Cartwright, | 0:12:53 | 0:12:55 | |
always at the bloody back. Come on! It's like Grange Hill with you two! | 0:12:55 | 0:12:59 | |
Always something going on! Always somebody causing trouble! | 0:12:59 | 0:13:03 | |
'George Michael may have been careless with his Wispa, | 0:13:03 | 0:13:05 | |
'but even he never rammed it up his nose. | 0:13:05 | 0:13:07 | |
'Heading back to Antwerp on the coach, | 0:13:07 | 0:13:09 | |
'my brain had been properly Curlywurlied!' | 0:13:09 | 0:13:11 | |
Apparently in the old days, | 0:13:11 | 0:13:12 | |
they used to lob live cats as far as you could as a kind | 0:13:12 | 0:13:15 | |
of game, well they still do, but nowadays they use dead cats. | 0:13:15 | 0:13:18 | |
-In the old days, they used to... -Stuffed cats, not dead ones! | 0:13:18 | 0:13:24 | |
-Oh, they use stunt cats! -Stuffed! -Stuffed! -Oh, stuffed cats! | 0:13:24 | 0:13:28 | |
-I've got no teeth, have I?! -That's disgusting. | 0:13:28 | 0:13:31 | |
They don't use DEAD cats. | 0:13:31 | 0:13:34 | |
Nowadays they use stuffed cats, not dead cats! | 0:13:34 | 0:13:38 | |
Although stuffed cats are usually dead, in my opinion. | 0:13:38 | 0:13:41 | |
I think today has been a game of two halves. | 0:13:41 | 0:13:43 | |
Some highlights and some lowlights, I think. | 0:13:43 | 0:13:45 | |
A lowlight for everyone was me failing to turn up this morning. | 0:13:45 | 0:13:49 | |
The atmosphere was distinctly frosty. | 0:13:50 | 0:13:52 | |
Lunchtime, the sun came out, in many ways. | 0:13:52 | 0:13:54 | |
I think we've all been a lot happier since. | 0:13:54 | 0:13:57 | |
'The group flaked out at the hotel to nurse their come-downs. | 0:13:57 | 0:14:00 | |
'Tomorrow was another busy day, | 0:14:00 | 0:14:02 | |
'because I'd be showing the group around Antwerp. | 0:14:02 | 0:14:04 | |
'But I knew less about Antwerp than I did about Bruges, | 0:14:04 | 0:14:06 | |
'and headed onto the streets to immerse myself in the local scene.' | 0:14:06 | 0:14:10 | |
-Are you guys from Antwerp? -We're German. -You're German. | 0:14:10 | 0:14:14 | |
-Have a nice day. -I am not from Antwerp. -You're not from Antwerp. | 0:14:14 | 0:14:18 | |
-You're not from Antwerp. -No. -Are you guys from Antwerp? -No. | 0:14:18 | 0:14:22 | |
You're not either. | 0:14:22 | 0:14:23 | |
Nobody is from Antwerp! Are you guys from Antwerp? No. | 0:14:23 | 0:14:27 | |
-I don't think anybody lives in -(BLEEP) -Antwerp. | 0:14:30 | 0:14:33 | |
'After two hours, it was hopeless. | 0:14:33 | 0:14:34 | |
'I wasn't just flogging a dead horse, | 0:14:34 | 0:14:36 | |
'I was shooting its remains out of a cannon. | 0:14:36 | 0:14:38 | |
'I went to bed with my guidebook. | 0:14:38 | 0:14:40 | |
'Next morning, I did a few lines of Toblerone and mainlined | 0:14:40 | 0:14:43 | |
'a Bounty before rushing downstairs to help with breakfast. | 0:14:43 | 0:14:46 | |
'Like a good tour guide, I was now attending to my group's every whim.' | 0:14:46 | 0:14:50 | |
Because of this uniform, everyone from Denmark, | 0:14:50 | 0:14:52 | |
from Germany is just coming over and pointing at things going, | 0:14:52 | 0:14:55 | |
"bread, why is there no bread? Where is the bread?!" | 0:14:55 | 0:14:59 | |
-You look like the waiter. -No, he looks like the manager! | 0:14:59 | 0:15:01 | |
All right, the manager. | 0:15:01 | 0:15:02 | |
-How come you still manage to look like a bus driver? -No teeth! | 0:15:02 | 0:15:06 | |
HE SPEAKS IN HIS OWN LANGUAGE | 0:15:07 | 0:15:10 | |
Probably. | 0:15:10 | 0:15:11 | |
Very probably. BBC, yes. | 0:15:11 | 0:15:14 | |
-BBC. -England? | 0:15:14 | 0:15:15 | |
Yeah. | 0:15:15 | 0:15:16 | |
Ned? | 0:15:19 | 0:15:21 | |
Grandstand? | 0:15:23 | 0:15:24 | |
Des Lynam? | 0:15:24 | 0:15:26 | |
-No. -Nick? | 0:15:26 | 0:15:28 | |
-Denmark. -Oh, Denmark! | 0:15:28 | 0:15:31 | |
I wasn't the only one who had been smoking Caramac that morning. | 0:15:31 | 0:15:34 | |
-Oh, I see. OK. -Very good for you. | 0:15:34 | 0:15:37 | |
-Very good. I will try it. -OK. -Thank you. | 0:15:37 | 0:15:40 | |
It's good. | 0:15:44 | 0:15:46 | |
I know what it looks like. | 0:15:46 | 0:15:48 | |
CHEERING | 0:15:50 | 0:15:52 | |
On time! | 0:15:52 | 0:15:54 | |
Of course I'm on time. I'm always on time. | 0:15:54 | 0:15:57 | |
Roy, you hold the traffic at bay there. | 0:15:57 | 0:16:01 | |
He's got a spring in his step today. | 0:16:01 | 0:16:04 | |
He's not usually the pacemaker, but look at him go! | 0:16:04 | 0:16:06 | |
All right, Cartwright, Jenkins. Everyone all right? | 0:16:06 | 0:16:09 | |
I've learnt from my mistakes yesterday. | 0:16:09 | 0:16:11 | |
I still don't know what I'm doing, but I'm going to give it a good go. | 0:16:11 | 0:16:14 | |
A damn good go. | 0:16:14 | 0:16:15 | |
'Yesterday's unplanned walkabouts had left us | 0:16:15 | 0:16:17 | |
'with more dodgy legs than a KFC Party Bucket, | 0:16:17 | 0:16:20 | |
'so I'd blagged us a tram to get to our first port of call.' | 0:16:20 | 0:16:23 | |
CHEERING | 0:16:23 | 0:16:25 | |
'I'd been up all night revising and it had paid off. | 0:16:25 | 0:16:27 | |
'I now knew everything about this historic city.' | 0:16:27 | 0:16:30 | |
-What is that? -What is that? It's a tree. | 0:16:30 | 0:16:33 | |
-No, look at it! -How many flags are hung? | 0:16:33 | 0:16:36 | |
How many flags are hanging up there? | 0:16:36 | 0:16:38 | |
Just count them! | 0:16:38 | 0:16:41 | |
-I'd like that for my garden. -You'd like that in your garden? | 0:16:42 | 0:16:45 | |
Molly, if you shut up for three seconds, | 0:16:45 | 0:16:48 | |
you'll see some beautiful architecture around here. | 0:16:48 | 0:16:50 | |
'I had to get us to a cultural museum and, like the spots | 0:16:50 | 0:16:53 | |
'on Peter Stringfellow's backside, I was all over it.' | 0:16:53 | 0:16:56 | |
I do know that on the top, there's panoramic views of the city. | 0:16:56 | 0:17:01 | |
And I've also arranged lifts and escalators. | 0:17:01 | 0:17:04 | |
ALL: Oh! | 0:17:04 | 0:17:05 | |
Lifts for those with mobility problems, | 0:17:05 | 0:17:08 | |
escalators for Cartwright and Jenkins. | 0:17:08 | 0:17:10 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:17:10 | 0:17:11 | |
Who, as we know, just have motivational difficulties. | 0:17:11 | 0:17:14 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:17:14 | 0:17:15 | |
There are giant games of Snakes and Ladders! | 0:17:15 | 0:17:19 | |
Says to keep the kids entertained, | 0:17:19 | 0:17:21 | |
but nothing of bingo games. | 0:17:21 | 0:17:24 | |
'While they raided the museum for features for Molly's garden, | 0:17:24 | 0:17:27 | |
'I organised lunch. I pulled off a real coup and landed us | 0:17:27 | 0:17:30 | |
'an exotic Belgian speciality called frites.' | 0:17:30 | 0:17:33 | |
Right, how many chips have we got? | 0:17:34 | 0:17:38 | |
Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten... | 0:17:38 | 0:17:40 | |
16. Seven with tomato sauce. Mayo? | 0:17:40 | 0:17:42 | |
One, two, three, four... five. | 0:17:42 | 0:17:44 | |
Seven and five is 12, add three is 15. | 0:17:44 | 0:17:47 | |
Somebody hasn't specified. | 0:17:47 | 0:17:48 | |
Hands up for chicken things! | 0:17:48 | 0:17:51 | |
Fish! | 0:17:51 | 0:17:52 | |
One, two, three, four, five. | 0:17:52 | 0:17:55 | |
Six, seven. | 0:17:55 | 0:17:57 | |
That's 15 people. | 0:17:57 | 0:17:58 | |
Hands up for fish! Fish! | 0:17:58 | 0:18:00 | |
Chicken things! | 0:18:00 | 0:18:02 | |
That's 15 people. We're one bloody short! | 0:18:02 | 0:18:05 | |
But I'm only having chips. | 0:18:05 | 0:18:06 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:18:06 | 0:18:09 | |
You said put your hands up for fish and sausage. | 0:18:11 | 0:18:15 | |
I don't want it. | 0:18:15 | 0:18:16 | |
HE LAUGHS | 0:18:16 | 0:18:17 | |
You, Roy, are a dickhead! | 0:18:17 | 0:18:19 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:18:19 | 0:18:21 | |
'I was doing so well, Roy the former tour guide didn't like it. | 0:18:21 | 0:18:24 | |
'Feeling threatened, he was determined to sabotage my efforts. | 0:18:24 | 0:18:26 | |
'I needed to remind him who was boss on this trip. | 0:18:26 | 0:18:29 | |
'Molly's bragging gave me an idea.' | 0:18:29 | 0:18:31 | |
When I go on the Harrods trip around London... | 0:18:31 | 0:18:35 | |
Stop namedropping. | 0:18:35 | 0:18:37 | |
He holds a walking stick up. | 0:18:37 | 0:18:39 | |
Does he? That is good enough for me. | 0:18:39 | 0:18:41 | |
I'm looking for something that will mark me out | 0:18:41 | 0:18:44 | |
in a distinguished manner as a tour guide. | 0:18:44 | 0:18:46 | |
'It didn't take long to find the perfect accessory. | 0:18:47 | 0:18:50 | |
'My new eagle gave me instant gravitas and authority. | 0:18:50 | 0:18:53 | |
'Other tour guides would bow before me. | 0:18:53 | 0:18:55 | |
'Any more lip from Roy, and he'd be picking beak out of his ass for a week. | 0:18:55 | 0:18:58 | |
'Although, rounding my group up for our next visit, | 0:18:58 | 0:19:01 | |
'not everyone was afraid of it as I'd hoped.' | 0:19:01 | 0:19:03 | |
Who's that? Jenkins and Cartwright! | 0:19:03 | 0:19:05 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:19:05 | 0:19:07 | |
Come here! | 0:19:07 | 0:19:08 | |
It's like having two little naughty kids, it is. | 0:19:08 | 0:19:13 | |
-Look at the cocks. -Look how they spell Cockx? -Luis' Cockx. | 0:19:14 | 0:19:18 | |
Luis' cock. | 0:19:18 | 0:19:19 | |
We're on a cultural tour of Antwerp. | 0:19:19 | 0:19:22 | |
This is so typically Welsh valleys. | 0:19:22 | 0:19:23 | |
"Look how they spell cocks, lads!" | 0:19:23 | 0:19:25 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:19:25 | 0:19:27 | |
What do you think? | 0:19:27 | 0:19:29 | |
CHEERING | 0:19:29 | 0:19:30 | |
Oh, my gosh, I don't think I trust you with that! | 0:19:30 | 0:19:32 | |
I better take care of it! | 0:19:32 | 0:19:34 | |
It's a beauty, though, isn't it? Give that a go, Warren. | 0:19:34 | 0:19:36 | |
Give that one a try. You're a stick expert. | 0:19:36 | 0:19:39 | |
It is meant to give me gravitas as a tour guide, | 0:19:39 | 0:19:41 | |
but, also, just to instil a bit of fear, as well. | 0:19:41 | 0:19:45 | |
You two... | 0:19:46 | 0:19:48 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:19:48 | 0:19:49 | |
-You be very, very careful. -Yes, boss. | 0:19:49 | 0:19:52 | |
'Our next visit was a local booze-tasting. | 0:19:52 | 0:19:54 | |
'If we were going to make it on time, I needed to get | 0:19:54 | 0:19:56 | |
'people into taxis, but my lucky eagle wasn't having the desired effect.' | 0:19:56 | 0:20:00 | |
Do you have any taxis available for eight people now, please? | 0:20:00 | 0:20:03 | |
-'I have no cars free on this moment.' -You have no cars free now? | 0:20:03 | 0:20:07 | |
I've tried that one, I've tried two others. | 0:20:07 | 0:20:09 | |
I'm going to go in here and see if I can take a taxi number. | 0:20:09 | 0:20:11 | |
Huw, can I deputise and put you in charge of the walkers? | 0:20:11 | 0:20:15 | |
The racing pensioners, if you can get them back to the coach park, | 0:20:15 | 0:20:18 | |
I'll look after the injured and the dying. | 0:20:18 | 0:20:21 | |
We've got to be at the gin tasting at 3.15, it's a 20-minute drive | 0:20:21 | 0:20:25 | |
and we are 15, 20 minutes away from the coach. | 0:20:25 | 0:20:27 | |
So, we are... | 0:20:27 | 0:20:28 | |
We're in Gillian McKeith's house without a paddle. | 0:20:30 | 0:20:32 | |
'Huw set off with a fuel-injected pelt, but, | 0:20:32 | 0:20:35 | |
'when the taxis came for the rest of us, | 0:20:35 | 0:20:36 | |
'there were more bums than seats.' | 0:20:36 | 0:20:38 | |
Don't worry about me. I'll find my own way now. | 0:20:38 | 0:20:41 | |
Give us a lift, mate. | 0:20:45 | 0:20:47 | |
The worst thing is, they're all going to blame me and go, | 0:20:48 | 0:20:51 | |
"Wey, there he is." | 0:20:51 | 0:20:52 | |
All right? | 0:20:52 | 0:20:54 | |
ALL: Wey-hey! | 0:20:54 | 0:20:56 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:20:56 | 0:20:57 | |
Don't you "Hooray" me. | 0:20:57 | 0:20:58 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:20:58 | 0:21:00 | |
You will feel my eagle. | 0:21:00 | 0:21:01 | |
We're ten minutes late. | 0:21:01 | 0:21:03 | |
I'm not sure that they'll let us in to the Elixir d'Anvers, | 0:21:03 | 0:21:06 | |
which is the famous herb liquor. | 0:21:06 | 0:21:08 | |
We've got a tasting organised, but, apparently, they are, well, | 0:21:08 | 0:21:12 | |
ball-breakers, for want of a better word, when it comes to timing. | 0:21:12 | 0:21:16 | |
'We were already running very late and now we were lost.' | 0:21:16 | 0:21:20 | |
-132. -Is that the one? -Is that it? | 0:21:22 | 0:21:26 | |
We were just wondering, can we check the address we've got for you, cos the sat nav in | 0:21:26 | 0:21:30 | |
our coach is taking us somewhere | 0:21:30 | 0:21:32 | |
and we don't think we're in the right place. | 0:21:32 | 0:21:34 | |
132, we're looking for. 132, ladies and gentlemen! | 0:21:34 | 0:21:37 | |
-37. -54! | 0:21:37 | 0:21:39 | |
-Number 80 on your right. -80 on the right. | 0:21:39 | 0:21:41 | |
'We needed to find the place fast, | 0:21:41 | 0:21:43 | |
'because, as we shouted the house numbers, Gaynor got very twitchy.' | 0:21:43 | 0:21:46 | |
-Rhod! -Yes? -Bingo only goes 1 to 90. | 0:21:46 | 0:21:49 | |
We're just looking for number 132, Gaynor, the bingo hasn't started! | 0:21:49 | 0:21:52 | |
-61. -Welcome. -Hi, thank you very much. | 0:21:52 | 0:21:54 | |
-We're very sorry. -You're the tour operator? | 0:21:54 | 0:21:56 | |
I'm the tour operator. I'm very, very sorry we're late. | 0:21:56 | 0:21:59 | |
We had a few taxi issues, a few mobility issues. | 0:21:59 | 0:22:01 | |
But we are here now and we are absolutely gasping | 0:22:01 | 0:22:04 | |
for some of your life-enhancing elixir. | 0:22:04 | 0:22:07 | |
'My charm offensive had patched things up and saved the tour, | 0:22:07 | 0:22:09 | |
'but, minutes later, my grovelling good work | 0:22:09 | 0:22:12 | |
'was almost undone by the Grange Hill twins.' | 0:22:12 | 0:22:14 | |
I think you call it in England a cure or die remedy. | 0:22:14 | 0:22:18 | |
A household remedy. | 0:22:18 | 0:22:20 | |
PHONE RINGS | 0:22:20 | 0:22:21 | |
Not only date from 1894... | 0:22:21 | 0:22:23 | |
Just one moment. | 0:22:23 | 0:22:25 | |
PHONE RINGS | 0:22:25 | 0:22:26 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:22:26 | 0:22:28 | |
-Jenkins? -Not me. -Cartwright? | 0:22:28 | 0:22:31 | |
We've had a lot of trouble with these two. Had to be you, didn't it? | 0:22:31 | 0:22:35 | |
And the beginning is, of course, the inventor of this liquor | 0:22:35 | 0:22:38 | |
and it was such a success... | 0:22:38 | 0:22:40 | |
PHONE RINGS | 0:22:40 | 0:22:42 | |
..at the first distillery... | 0:22:42 | 0:22:43 | |
Switch it off. | 0:22:43 | 0:22:45 | |
Jenkins, Cartwright. See me on the coach after this. | 0:22:45 | 0:22:48 | |
Now, already, after the First World War, | 0:22:51 | 0:22:54 | |
Francois-Xavier retired at a young age in 1922... | 0:22:54 | 0:22:59 | |
PHONE RINGS ..and he left the management... | 0:22:59 | 0:23:03 | |
Right, you two, out! | 0:23:03 | 0:23:05 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:23:05 | 0:23:08 | |
That's it. | 0:23:08 | 0:23:09 | |
Final warning. | 0:23:09 | 0:23:11 | |
And you! Go on! | 0:23:11 | 0:23:14 | |
'As we headed out for our last night in Antwerp, I felt | 0:23:16 | 0:23:19 | |
'totally at home with this fantastic group.' | 0:23:19 | 0:23:22 | |
Central Station, ladies and gentlemen, up ahead! | 0:23:22 | 0:23:25 | |
What year was it built? | 0:23:26 | 0:23:27 | |
1565. | 0:23:27 | 0:23:30 | |
'We celebrated together, but I still had to get them home | 0:23:32 | 0:23:35 | |
'and there was a bingo-shaped shadow hanging over me. | 0:23:35 | 0:23:38 | |
'I'd heard barking from Gaynor's room in Antwerp and I knew | 0:23:38 | 0:23:41 | |
'if we didn't play bingo on the way home, that puppy was a goner. | 0:23:41 | 0:23:44 | |
'Next morning, as we headed back to Calais, I tried to distract | 0:23:44 | 0:23:47 | |
'the group with other games.' | 0:23:47 | 0:23:49 | |
Are you male or female? | 0:23:49 | 0:23:51 | |
You can't ask me about male or female, | 0:23:51 | 0:23:53 | |
it's got to be a yes or no answer. | 0:23:53 | 0:23:54 | |
-Oh, right. Are you male? -Yes. | 0:23:54 | 0:23:56 | |
Are you a pop singer? | 0:23:56 | 0:23:59 | |
-What? -Are you a pop singer? | 0:23:59 | 0:24:02 | |
It's Guess Who! | 0:24:02 | 0:24:03 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:24:03 | 0:24:05 | |
I don't know what their bloody jobs are, I've just got a picture of their face! | 0:24:05 | 0:24:08 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:24:08 | 0:24:10 | |
I spy with my little eye... | 0:24:10 | 0:24:14 | |
Let's have a look around here... | 0:24:14 | 0:24:17 | |
Don't worry, I'm not looking up your skirt, Anne! | 0:24:17 | 0:24:19 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:24:19 | 0:24:21 | |
I'll choose something we can all see. | 0:24:21 | 0:24:23 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:24:23 | 0:24:26 | |
It wouldn't be fair on the others. | 0:24:28 | 0:24:31 | |
'I was feeling really guilty that I hadn't sorted the bingo out for Gaynor. | 0:24:31 | 0:24:34 | |
'I knew it was important that she had a turn at I Spy.' | 0:24:34 | 0:24:37 | |
I spy with my little eye something beginning with R-S, | 0:24:37 | 0:24:40 | |
and it's outside. | 0:24:40 | 0:24:41 | |
-Road sign. -Aww! | 0:24:41 | 0:24:44 | |
Yeah! | 0:24:44 | 0:24:46 | |
'But, when we got to Calais, I spied with my little eye someone | 0:24:47 | 0:24:50 | |
'beginning with G, and she still wasn't happy. Guess who?' | 0:24:50 | 0:24:53 | |
I've got to tell you, now. | 0:24:53 | 0:24:55 | |
We've been out three days, today we're going home, our fourth day. | 0:24:55 | 0:24:58 | |
-And we still haven't had a game of bingo. -No, I know. | 0:24:58 | 0:25:01 | |
-I asked you the first morning. -I know you did. | 0:25:01 | 0:25:03 | |
I take it you haven't got any books yet, then? | 0:25:03 | 0:25:05 | |
Not yet. | 0:25:05 | 0:25:07 | |
I've still got 20 minutes. | 0:25:07 | 0:25:09 | |
"We've never had a trip without bingo!" | 0:25:09 | 0:25:12 | |
I've promised them it and I'm going to get it. | 0:25:12 | 0:25:14 | |
This is the problem I've got. "Le magasin sera ferme le 1 mai." | 0:25:14 | 0:25:18 | |
This shop will be closed 1 May. It is bank holiday. | 0:25:18 | 0:25:21 | |
I've got 20 minutes in Calais to find bloody bingo. | 0:25:21 | 0:25:25 | |
Bonjour! | 0:25:25 | 0:25:27 | |
Vous connaissez le jeu bingo? | 0:25:27 | 0:25:30 | |
Bingo? Merde! | 0:25:30 | 0:25:32 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:25:32 | 0:25:33 | |
Je cherche les cartes pour le bingo. | 0:25:33 | 0:25:37 | |
-Au tabac. -Au tabac? Ah, oui? | 0:25:37 | 0:25:39 | |
'It looked like the puppy was going to live to see another day. | 0:25:39 | 0:25:43 | |
'I'd found some bingo.' | 0:25:43 | 0:25:44 | |
It's a scratchcard bingo. | 0:25:46 | 0:25:48 | |
Two euros a pop, but somebody could win 10,000 euros. | 0:25:48 | 0:25:53 | |
Six, sept, huit, neuf, dix... | 0:25:53 | 0:25:56 | |
No doubt about it... | 0:25:56 | 0:25:59 | |
our lucky eagle is paying dividends. | 0:25:59 | 0:26:03 | |
'On the ferry home, I headed triumphantly for Gaynor, bingo cards in hand.' | 0:26:03 | 0:26:07 | |
I have sorted. The bingo is sorted. | 0:26:07 | 0:26:09 | |
That's not bingo. | 0:26:09 | 0:26:11 | |
SHE LAUGHS | 0:26:11 | 0:26:12 | |
What is your bingo, then? | 0:26:12 | 0:26:14 | |
You've got a book of six, numbers 1 to 90, | 0:26:14 | 0:26:17 | |
you call the numbers out, we marked them off. | 0:26:17 | 0:26:20 | |
Right. | 0:26:22 | 0:26:24 | |
She wants proper, full-on, Mecca bloody bingo, doesn't she? | 0:26:24 | 0:26:28 | |
She wants bingo hall, Vegas bingo, that's what she wants! | 0:26:28 | 0:26:32 | |
'In desperation, I had one last hunt. | 0:26:32 | 0:26:35 | |
'I was about to give up when - snap! | 0:26:35 | 0:26:36 | |
'I mean - bingo!' | 0:26:36 | 0:26:39 | |
Magnetic games for travel. Magnetic bingo. | 0:26:39 | 0:26:42 | |
That's going to keep one pensioner very happy, that. | 0:26:44 | 0:26:47 | |
-She's been going crazy. -Really? | 0:26:47 | 0:26:49 | |
Almost did a dirty protest on the bus. | 0:26:49 | 0:26:51 | |
SHE LAUGHS | 0:26:51 | 0:26:52 | |
'The ferry was docking. | 0:26:53 | 0:26:55 | |
'I couldn't wait to show Gaynor what I'd found, | 0:26:55 | 0:26:57 | |
'but I'd lost two of my group. | 0:26:57 | 0:26:58 | |
'No prizes for guessing who.' | 0:26:58 | 0:27:00 | |
Jenkins, Cartwright! Come on! | 0:27:03 | 0:27:05 | |
GRANGE HILL THEME PLAYS | 0:27:06 | 0:27:10 | |
'It was the last leg of the journey, and as I handed out the bingo, | 0:27:14 | 0:27:17 | |
'I felt like I'd become a half-decent tour guide. | 0:27:17 | 0:27:21 | |
28 brown. 28 across is our top speed in miles an hour. | 0:27:21 | 0:27:26 | |
-Six yellow. -Bingo! | 0:27:26 | 0:27:29 | |
CHEERING | 0:27:29 | 0:27:30 | |
'But, as we played, I realised I'd made a terrible mistake. | 0:27:30 | 0:27:33 | |
'My travel bingo was designed for two players | 0:27:33 | 0:27:35 | |
'and half of them had the same numbers.' | 0:27:35 | 0:27:37 | |
Bingo is just so stressful. | 0:27:37 | 0:27:38 | |
So stressful. | 0:27:38 | 0:27:40 | |
'As Glyn-no-buttons brought us safely home, | 0:27:44 | 0:27:47 | |
'I'd enjoyed myself immensely and hoped my new friends had too.' | 0:27:47 | 0:27:50 | |
Thank you very, very, very much for having me. | 0:27:50 | 0:27:53 | |
It's been a very strange experience for me. | 0:27:53 | 0:27:55 | |
In some ways, it totally fits my personality, | 0:27:55 | 0:27:57 | |
and in some ways it doesn't. | 0:27:57 | 0:27:59 | |
The thing in this job is you have to put yourself last | 0:27:59 | 0:28:02 | |
and look after every other single person before yourself and that's what Huw, | 0:28:02 | 0:28:05 | |
I guess, and people that do this job do, is put themselves last. | 0:28:05 | 0:28:09 | |
And that doesn't come naturally to me. | 0:28:09 | 0:28:11 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:28:11 | 0:28:12 | |
But I've thoroughly enjoyed it, so thanks very much. | 0:28:12 | 0:28:15 | |
It's been a privilege to, hopefully, look after you all reasonably well. | 0:28:15 | 0:28:18 | |
Nobody's dead. We're all here, aren't we? | 0:28:18 | 0:28:20 | |
We're all back and I consider that a success! | 0:28:20 | 0:28:22 | |
So thank you very, very much ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. | 0:28:22 | 0:28:25 | |
I said to you on Sunday going out, | 0:28:29 | 0:28:32 | |
I said, I gave you a bit of advice, | 0:28:32 | 0:28:34 | |
"Keep the people happy." And that's exactly what you did. | 0:28:34 | 0:28:38 | |
You had me crying this morning. Oh, I was in tears. Brilliant. | 0:28:38 | 0:28:42 | |
-In a good way? -Absolutely brilliant. You make a good guide. | 0:28:42 | 0:28:47 | |
Thank you very, very much. | 0:28:47 | 0:28:48 | |
That is one lovely, lovely community and I've absolutely loved it. | 0:28:48 | 0:28:52 | |
I had a little tear in my eye. | 0:28:52 | 0:28:55 | |
I'm probably overtired. | 0:28:55 | 0:28:56 | |
Just need to go home. | 0:28:56 | 0:28:58 | |
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd | 0:29:06 | 0:29:09 |