Intern School Siblings


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Transcript


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This programme contains some strong language.

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-It says they've refurbished the tech lab.

-Dan!

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This is a really big day for me, OK?

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I don't want you messing it up by "playing" with heavy machinery.

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All right. I don't get why you're so stressed, sis.

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I mean, you're giving a careers talk to a bunch of sixth formers,

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not the King of Space.

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They're not just sixth formers, they're the future,

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and I have a chance to change their lives forever. To be honest,

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I can't believe it's taken them this long to invite me back,

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I was Vice-Deputy Head Girl.

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That's something you made up when you didn't get Head Girl.

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It was a really close election and there should have been a recount and

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I'm pretty sure it was rigged anyway and shut up! Why are you even here?

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It's my old school too. I miss it.

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Life was so much simpler then, you know?

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-No stressing about your job...

-You don't have a job.

-..paying rent...

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-You definitely don't pay rent.

-..when you got an erection

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-in public, you blamed it on your hormones.

-You still do that.

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The point is, those were the best years of my life.

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Well, except when Jamie Flack beat me up in front of the entire school.

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-Just because I was different.

-God, what a dick.

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Yeah, but look at me now, I'm about to spend the afternoon

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drilling holes in my shoes.

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-BELL RINGS

-See you later.

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CAR HORN TOOTS, CHILDREN CHATTER

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BUZZ OF CONVERSATION

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Hi, Hannah, I'm Dr Barker, Head of Careers.

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-We spoke on the phone.

-Yeah, hi, nice to see you again.

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Thanks for coming in at such short notice.

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No, fine, thanks for having me. I can't wait to chat careers.

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Besides, I'll take any excuse to get out of that fucking office.

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Honestly, once I took the day off because I saw one pigeon trying to make another one have sex

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-and it really bummed me out.

-Well, as I say, we did have

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-a number of late drop-outs, so...

-Hannah to the rescue. As usual.

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I did used to be Vice-Deputy Head Girl.

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I don't remember that being a thing?

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No, it was a thing. Definitely.

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OK, well, I just need you to fill out this form before the talk.

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-You work for an insurance company, yes?

-That's right, yeah.

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I'm the Executive Team Assistant.

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I'll just put down P.A.

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What? No, I'm not a P.A?!

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-Can you just make sure you put down the word "executive".

-OK.

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Thank you.

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Also, quick question, maybe I'm misremembering,

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but didn't your name used to be Dr Barker-Roxborough?

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Mmm, yes, well, my husband and I recently separated.

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-Ah!

-I'm just Dr Barker now.

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Shit, sorry. Still, at least your name's a bit less clunky, right?

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Yes, that's a real silver lining.

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Oh, this is going to be fun.

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Oops, sorry, just looking for some graffiti I did a few years ago.

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I want to see if it survived.

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Shit!

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The graffiti's still here but they've changed it.

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See, "Dan is a legend" and then someone's added "for sucking cock".

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Don't worry, I've got it sorted.

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"Dan is a legend for not sucking cock."

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Checkmate.

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What are you guys up to?

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We're playing The Oracle's Journey

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It's a fantasy adventure quest.

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-Looks complicated.

-No, it's very simple.

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Each player gets a character, they use it to collect relics

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and minerals until they're strong enough to challenge

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-the Emperor of Zathgar and his army of dragon spawn.

-Makes sense.

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So, what are your characters?

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I'm a Dwarf Soldier, Jacob is a Wizard Troll,

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and Ashok is a Cyclops Prince.

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Sweet.

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Do you want to play? You can be the Succubus.

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What's a Succubus?

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It's a female demon that has sex with men in their sleep

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and then kills them.

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I mean, how do you say no to that?!

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That's why, in logistics, we say the best way to get products from A to Z

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is through U. Thank you.

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Thank you, Andrew.

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Up next, we have a former pupil, Miss Hannah French.

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Thank you, Dr Barker. Thank you, Andrew.

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Now, we've all heard a lot today from stuffy old men in grey suits.

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SOME LAUGHTER

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So I think it's time to mix it up a bit.

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Look under your chairs.

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That's a picture of me, aged six.

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Now, who'd have thought that that little girl would grow up to be

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an Executive Team Assistant at a multinational insurance firm?

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Not me. Back then, I wanted to be a firefighter.

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Until I realised the pay's terrible and the physical stuff would

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probably make my body look quite mannish.

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Anyway, does everyone know what an Executive Team Assistant is?

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It's basically like being a P.A.?

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No, it's nothing like that. Why do people keep...?

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Why is your head's so small in this picture?

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LAUGHTER Well, I was six.

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Yeah, but even for a six-year-old, it's pretty tiny.

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It looks like a golf ball.

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-LAUGHTER

-Excuse me...

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No, that's OK, Dr Barker, I can handle this.

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-Why don't you go fuck yourself, you jumped up little...?

-Hannah!

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He started it.

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GASPS AND LAUGHTER Who threw that?

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Whoever throw that is going to get expelled.

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Hannah, you don't have the authority to say that.

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Wow, you have really checked out since that divorce.

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We would never have gotten away with that in my day... Stop!

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Oh, my God.

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LAUGHTER AND CHATTER

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Come on, Ashok, you need an eight or higher,

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otherwise you're going to have to trade me all of your timber.

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-Nine! Ashok, you lucky little shit!

-It's a good game, right?

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-Much better than playing football or talking to people.

-It's brilliant!

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You guys must play this every day?

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Pretty much. Except on Thursday's when Jacob has his flute lesson.

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Why are you learning to play the flute?

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Isn't that just for girls and Native Americans?

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I wanted to learn the drums,

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but my mum said woodwind instruments look much better on a UCAS form.

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-They don't care about that stuff.

-Well, my mum said...

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I was at uni for seven months

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and I didn't see a single person playing the flute.

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There was one guy who walked around crashing tiny cymbals together,

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but I think he took a bunch of MDMA in freshers' week

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and he sort of fried his brain.

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Seriously, you guys should just do what you love while you're young.

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Cos, once you're an adult like me, there is no time for fun and games.

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Right, I think it's my turn to be the Sorcerer.

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Hi, Hannah? My name's Ellie. I just wanted to apologise

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for the others, they shouldn't have thrown all that stuff at you.

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They're seriously so immature. But it's so cool that you came back.

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I heard you were Vice-Deputy Head Girl, or something?

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That's right, I was!

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So you enjoyed the talk? What was the most inspiring bit?

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Well, I thought your job sounded really cool!

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-I'd love to do something like you one day.

-Really?

-Totally!

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But it sucks. I got stuck doing work experience at my uncle's

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carpet cleaning business, Chemical Floorfare.

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Well, I could probably get you

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-work experience at my place, if you want?

-Do you think you could?

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Oh, yeah, yeah. I pull a lot of weight in the office.

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I managed to get my own parking space just by pretending to have gout.

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I'd really love that. Thank you so much! You're so awesome!

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Yeah, I guess I am pretty awesome.

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-And there's plenty more iron ore where that came from.

-Oh, no!

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What about my gem of sorcery?

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CHATTER

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Oh, what about timber?!

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-Oh, hey, Hannah.

-There you are.

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This is Ken, Jacob, Ashok. Guys, this is my sister.

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We should get going, Dan.

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Five more minutes, please?

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Ken's about to go through the Tunnel of Kyros.

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I have no idea what you're talking about,

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-but I'm starting the car in two minutes with or without you.

-Fine!

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Sorry, guys, but my sister's being a real BEEP!

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LAUGHTER

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We could finish this tomorrow if you wanted? I've got a meeting with

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my parole officer in the morning, but we could meet up after that?

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-Yeah, OK.

-Sweet.

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-Can we go to McDonalds on the way back?

-No.

-Please?

-No.

-Please?

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-No, you can do that all day.

-Please, please, please?

-OK, fine!

-Yes!

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But you are not getting a Coke, you're way too hyper already.

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Hi, Hannah, here are the timetables you asked for.

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Oh, wow, that normally takes me all day.

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And thanks again for sorting this out.

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It's a million times better than my uncle's place.

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Well, I'm glad you're enjoying yourself.

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If you're not busy, I was wondering

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if you could show me how the Policy Migration software works?

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Ah, I was literally

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just about to go and have a nap in the disabled toilet upstairs.

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-Maybe tomorrow?

-Oh, OK.

-Don't worry, you're not missing anything.

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That thing is a fucking snoozefest.

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-Unbelievable!

-What's wrong?

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We're out of biscuits.

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Probably Chloe again. It's like, you know you have diabetes,

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why don't you just buy your own Jaffa Cakes,

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instead of stealing all of ours? Some people are so selfish!

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-I could go out and get you some?

-Really? You'd do that?

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Mm-hm, I've finished all my work, so I'm free.

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Yeah, that'd be great! Thanks! Oh, actually, if you are popping out,

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could you pick up some extra stuff for me?

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-Uh, yeah, sure. What would you like?

-Not much, just a couple of things.

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Bacon, toothpaste... The usual. You might have to go

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-to the bakery round the corner to pick up the bagels.

-OK.

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Oh, don't worry, it won't take long. Like five, ten minutes. 15, maybe.

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An hour, tops.

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Oh, thanks, protege.

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CAR TYRES SCREECH ON VIDEO GAME

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ALL: Oh!

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This is so much better than playing online,

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and not just because you guys don't keep calling me a bitch.

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Today at school, Nathan challenged Max

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-to a Ham Contest.

-What's a Ham Contest?

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When two people get a packet of ham each

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and whoever eats the most in one minute wins.

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Ah, I cannot believe I missed that.

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Dan, I talked to my mum and she said, as long as I take GCSE Latin,

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she'll let me stop taking flute lessons.

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So I'm going to learn to play the drums.

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Jacob, that's brilliant! We should start a band. We can practise here.

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All right, sis?

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Hey, how do you feel about going halfsies on a drum kit?

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Take those through into the kitchen. I'll be with you in a second.

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Dan, can I have a word?

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Don't you go pressing unpause now, Ashok, you little rascal.

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What's up?

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What are those kids doing here? And why does this place stink?

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Oh, they had P.E. today and they're too shy to use the showers.

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It smells like someone's farted through a glass of hot milk.

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Come on, Hannah, boys will be boys.

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Yes, they're boys. Young boys.

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-Why are you always hanging out with them?

-Because they're fun.

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Plus, they're super mature for their age.

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-Ken's already got 11 chest hairs.

-Why do you know that?!

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If it's weird, then how come you're hanging out with that girl?

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I'm not "hanging out" with her, she's doing work experience with me.

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I'm giving her invaluable exposure to office life.

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Hannah, where do you want the triple fudge doughnuts?

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On the counter's fine, thank you.

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OK, fine, I'll be honest, it's a sweet deal.

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She basically does everything I ask her to.

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It's like having one of those helper monkeys that quadriplegics get.

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What's in it for her?

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Me!

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I've taken her under my wing. I'm mummy bird, you know.

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Chewing up little bits of wisdom and sticking them back down her throat.

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When she's finished in there, do you reckon she could clean my room?

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If you want someone to clean your room,

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you should get a job, find a work experience kid

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and get them to do it for you, like a normal person.

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Here you go, Hannah. One coffee, half black, half white.

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Perfect. Listen, do you mind working a little bit late tonight?

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-Do you need help uploading the liability reports?

-Oh, no, no.

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I had a dresser delivered to my flat and I need help putting it together.

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My brother and those kids broke the last one trying to re-enact Jumanji.

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-Yeah, sure, I can help with that.

-Great.

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And, for lunch today, could I have a pork burrito,

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instead of a chicken burrito, you know, mix it up a bit.

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Um, actually, I don't think I can get your lunch today.

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Kevin's got a meeting at one and he asked me to run the PowerPoint.

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No, sure, I guess that is more important than me having lunch.

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My mum made a tuna salad, you could have that?

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No, it's fine, I'll get my own lunch.

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But, you know, you don't have to do things just because Kevin says so.

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I know, but the meeting does sound really interesting.

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Sure. I just, I don't want people taking advantage of you.

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-Thanks, Hannah.

-It's OK. I'll see you after the meeting.

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Also, um... I dropped my pen down the loo,

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so if you could fish that out when you get the chance.

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DOORBELL RINGS

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The boys!

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I hope you are ready for a mega Playstation sesh.

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I've got three bottles of Fanta,

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dinosaur chicken nuggets in the oven.

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-Wait, what happened to you guys?

-Tom Flack beat us up.

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We were just on our way home, talking about our favourite Blackadder jokes,

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when he came up to us and called us losers.

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He ripped our bags off us and stole all our stuff.

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Even the Oracle's Journey cards.

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Did he take the Magpie Expansion Pack?

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Why did no-one stop him?

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Tom Flack is like the worst kid in Year 10. Last year,

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he got sent home for shaving the word "bollocks" in his own hair.

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-Wait, what's this kid's name?

-Tom Flack.

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HE SCOFFS

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No wonder he's a dick, his older brother did exactly the same thing

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-to me when I was at school.

-Really?

-Yeah.

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Beat me up in front of everyone just because I was different.

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I guess it's like my mum says,

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we should rise above it and be the better person.

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No, I'm sorry, Jacob, but your mum is full of crap, OK? We can't just

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let him get away with it, not like his brother did. Come on.

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Ellie, there you are! I thought you'd been kidnapped, or something.

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I don't know where you found this girl,

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but she is a PowerPoint whizz kid. Those slide transitions...

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That's great, Kevin, but you've had your turn. Hand her over.

0:14:290:14:32

We should get going, that dressing table won't un-flat-pack itself.

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Well, I was just thinking maybe I could stay here instead.

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-Why, what's wrong?

-Nothing's wrong, but the meeting went really well,

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-so Kevin's taking us out for Pad Thai to celebrate.

-Er...

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-But you said you were going to help?

-Yeah, but Kevin...

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Forget about Kevin, Kevin's an idiot. Kevin's got fucking ringworm.

0:14:490:14:52

I bet he didn't have that in the presentation.

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Come on, I was the one that got you work experience.

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But helping you build a dressing table isn't really work, is it?

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So you're just going to flake on me? I taught you everything you know.

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-But you haven't taught me anything!

-What?

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I've been here a week and all I've done is get you lunch,

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and defrost the fridge, and fill out your tax return!

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And I don't want to do those things any more.

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Well, then, I guess I'll just go home

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and build my furniture alone, like some pathetic carpenter

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whose apprentice has deserted her for a cheap bowl of noodles.

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Oh, and I had your mum's tuna salad and it was incredibly bland.

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-That's him.

-Do as I do - stay cool and we'll be fine.

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Hey! Which one of you is Tom Flack?

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I'm Tom Flack.

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Oh, my God, I thought you were someone's dad. You're huge.

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Yeah, well, I drink a lot of milk and I've got a thyroid problem.

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But it's none of your fucking business.

0:15:490:15:51

Maybe not. But you took some stuff from my pals and I want it back.

0:15:510:15:56

What, you mean those goblin cards? Nah, mate. I threw those things away.

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Well, you're going to have to replace them. Otherwise...

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"Otherwise" what?

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Otherwise, I...will...kill you.

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I mean, obviously not. Please don't tell anyone I said that.

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But I will do something.

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I'm 15. If you touch me, that's child abuse.

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-Fine. Maybe

-I

-can't touch you, but I know three guys who can.

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Dan, what are you saying?

0:16:250:16:26

It's all right, Jacob, I've got this. I've seen your type before.

0:16:260:16:30

Think you're a big man just because you've got facial hair and you can

0:16:300:16:32

only buy shoes that fit over the internet, but you're just a coward.

0:16:320:16:36

Mate, what are you talking about?

0:16:360:16:38

I'm talking about a rematch. You versus them.

0:16:380:16:42

-But, Dan, why would we...?

-I said I've got this.

0:16:420:16:45

If they win, you have to replace the cards.

0:16:450:16:47

If you win then I will... wear a dress.

0:16:470:16:52

Why the fuck would I want you to wear a dress?

0:16:520:16:55

I don't know, you pick something.

0:16:550:16:56

If you want me to fight them, I'll fight them.

0:16:560:16:58

I don't give a shit. It'll be like crushing three little nerdy ants.

0:16:580:17:03

Ha-ha-ha(!)

0:17:030:17:05

Oh, I cannot wait for them to teach you a lesson.

0:17:050:17:09

Tomorrow. After school.

0:17:090:17:11

Oh, and, er...

0:17:130:17:15

bring a coffin, yeah? You're going to need it.

0:17:150:17:18

Guys, we all storm out together, otherwise it's just not the same.

0:17:260:17:30

Oh, great, Dan. Can you help me with this?

0:17:390:17:42

No can do, sis. Just came to pick-up some trainers and my Rocky II DVD.

0:17:420:17:46

Why, where are you going?

0:17:460:17:48

Supposed to be meeting the guys in 20 mins. We're in training.

0:17:480:17:50

Are you still hanging out with those kids?

0:17:500:17:53

This afternoon, they got jumped by Tom Flack.

0:17:530:17:55

-You know, Jamie Flack's little brother.

-Who's Jamie Flack?

0:17:550:17:58

The guy who beat me up just because I was different, remember?!

0:17:580:18:01

It turns out his little brother is just as bad.

0:18:010:18:03

-What, so you're going to fight him?

-No!

0:18:030:18:05

I'm not, the kids are.

0:18:050:18:07

What are you up to?

0:18:080:18:09

I've just spent the last three hours assembling this dresser.

0:18:090:18:12

I'm really sorry about the other one, I genuinely thought

0:18:120:18:14

-it'd take the boys' weight.

-Yeah, well, I would've been done

0:18:140:18:17

a lot quicker if it wasn't for Ellie the Judas.

0:18:170:18:19

She's so ungrateful! If it wasn't for me, she would have spent

0:18:190:18:22

two weeks watching her uncle scrub dog poo out of carpets.

0:18:220:18:26

But, if she doesn't need me, then I don't need her.

0:18:260:18:28

Mummy Bird is going to be just fine.

0:18:280:18:31

Oh! Ow!

0:18:310:18:33

Ah! Oh, God!

0:18:330:18:35

Who's Mummy Bird?

0:18:370:18:38

Hannah, what happened to you?

0:18:430:18:46

Well, Brutus, thanks to you bailing on me last night,

0:18:460:18:48

I had to build the dresser by myself and it collapsed on me.

0:18:480:18:52

-Oh, my God.

-Yep, I had to spend five hours in A & E

0:18:520:18:55

and I still don't have a dressing table and it's all your fault.

0:18:550:18:58

It's not my fault you haven't got anyone to help you.

0:18:580:19:00

Or that you bought really shitty furniture.

0:19:000:19:02

Well, I'm cutting the cord, you are done being my protege.

0:19:020:19:05

Fine. I didn't want to be your protege anyway.

0:19:050:19:07

-No offence but your life's kind of...depressing.

-Depressing?

0:19:080:19:12

Face it, you're eight years older than me and still basically a P.A.

0:19:120:19:15

You've a terrible diet, most of the stuff on your shopping list was

0:19:150:19:18

just alcohol, ready meals and four different types of cream cheese.

0:19:180:19:22

-And I know your brother's got learning difficulties, but...

-What?

0:19:220:19:24

-Dan doesn't have learning difficulties...

-Really?

0:19:240:19:27

Then, why does he hang around with those kids so much?

0:19:270:19:30

I honestly don't know. The point is you're on your own from now on.

0:19:300:19:35

I hope you know how to swim, sister,

0:19:350:19:37

because these waters are going to get seriously choppy.

0:19:370:19:40

-Hannah, could I borrow Ellie for a second?

-Er, Ellie who?

0:19:420:19:45

Um...this Ellie. I wanted to talk to the boss

0:19:460:19:50

-about bringing her back for a placement over the summer.

-What?!

0:19:500:19:53

It was a really good PowerPoint.

0:19:530:19:56

Oh, listen, Hannah, could you go put on some coffee for us?

0:19:560:19:58

Can I get mine black? No sugar.

0:20:000:20:01

I've created a monster. And, just like Dr Frankenstein,

0:20:040:20:08

I must now destroy the very thing I brought into this world.

0:20:080:20:12

-It is not going to be...

-Sorry, are you talking to me?

0:20:120:20:15

Er, I'm trying to have a dramatic moment to myself! Can you piss off?

0:20:150:20:18

Hannah, what are you doing here?

0:20:320:20:34

It's about Ellie. I just think we should cut her placement short.

0:20:340:20:37

-Get her out of there, ASAP.

-Is there a problem?

0:20:370:20:40

I've tried to make it work, but I just think the two of us

0:20:400:20:43

need to go our separate ways, you know, like you and your husband.

0:20:430:20:46

Hannah, I'm in the middle of something here.

0:20:460:20:49

Is there a specific reason you feel

0:20:490:20:50

that Ellie should be pulled off the placement early?

0:20:500:20:53

Well... I don't know how to say this...

0:20:530:20:57

but Ellie...abused me.

0:20:570:21:00

-Abused you?

-Yep. Physically.

0:21:010:21:06

This was all her handiwork.

0:21:060:21:08

-What exactly happened, Hannah?

-She pushed me...down some stairs.

0:21:110:21:17

-What?

-Yep, I really didn't want to bring this up but you pushed me.

0:21:170:21:22

-No pun intended. Ha-ha!

-Why would she do that?

0:21:220:21:25

That doesn't sound like Ellie at all.

0:21:250:21:27

That's what I thought, but that girl has got a dark side.

0:21:270:21:31

I asked her to stay late, just to do some paperwork,

0:21:310:21:34

and something just flipped.

0:21:340:21:37

She threw coffee in my face and she shoved me down the stairs.

0:21:370:21:39

-Oh, my God.

-Yeah, and that's just the tip of the iceberg.

0:21:390:21:42

This stuff's been going on all week. It's been hell.

0:21:420:21:45

Hannah, um, these are some very serious allegations.

0:21:450:21:49

Are you sure about this?

0:21:490:21:50

Yes.

0:21:520:21:54

Yes, I am.

0:21:540:21:55

That's it, boys, pick it up.

0:21:560:21:59

OK, let's move on to some sit-ups.

0:22:030:22:06

Won't all this training just make us really tired for the actual fight?

0:22:060:22:09

-Yeah, maybe.

-Do you think we should even go through with it?

0:22:090:22:11

I mean, Tom Flack's going to kill us. And we're missing English.

0:22:110:22:15

Maybe it's just like my mum says, you should ignore bullies, focus on

0:22:150:22:18

our work and then enjoy being more successful than them as adults.

0:22:180:22:21

Jacob, I'm not trying to be mean, but your mum's a fucking idiot.

0:22:210:22:24

She's wrong about the flute and she's wrong about this.

0:22:240:22:27

Guys, you can't let the bullies win,

0:22:270:22:28

or they'll have power over you for the rest of your lives.

0:22:280:22:32

Listen...

0:22:330:22:34

When Tom Flack's brother beat me up,

0:22:370:22:39

just because I was different, I did nothing

0:22:390:22:43

and it is the biggest regret of my life,

0:22:430:22:46

except for when I sold my passport to those Ukrainian guys

0:22:460:22:50

-who said they were recruiting submarine drivers.

-What?

0:22:500:22:53

The point is, Tom Flack might be ten times the size of you,

0:22:560:22:59

but all of you guys are a thousand times the person he will ever be.

0:22:590:23:04

I got you all something.

0:23:050:23:07

Ken, the Dwarf Soldier.

0:23:120:23:14

Jacob...

0:23:160:23:17

..the Wizard Troll.

0:23:190:23:20

And sweet Ashok...

0:23:220:23:24

..the Cyclops Prince.

0:23:260:23:27

Now, let's get out there and teach Tom Flack

0:23:290:23:33

and his freakily underactive thyroid a lesson.

0:23:330:23:36

-What did you want to see me about?

-Hello, Ellie.

0:23:370:23:39

Please, take a seat, Ellie.

0:23:390:23:41

What's going on? Is this because I didn't get you that burrito?

0:23:460:23:49

Ellie, it's about your placement with Hannah.

0:23:490:23:51

She's claiming that, over the past week you have been -

0:23:510:23:54

and there's no easy way of saying this - systematically abusing her.

0:23:540:23:58

-Verbally and Physically.

-What?!

0:23:580:24:00

Oh! Careful, Dr Barker, I've seen that look in her eyes before.

0:24:000:24:03

-She's getting ready to hulk out.

-Hannah, I'll deal with this.

0:24:030:24:06

Now, Ellie, I'm sure you're aware this is a very serious situation.

0:24:060:24:10

I don't understand! What am I meant to have done?

0:24:100:24:13

Well, according to Hannah's statement, you...

0:24:130:24:15

put out a cigarette out on her leg, you threw pound coins at her face

0:24:150:24:19

for an hour, you gave her the nickname Wide-Arse.

0:24:190:24:22

-And that's just the first day.

-Oh, my God, none of that's true!

0:24:220:24:25

I told you she'd deny it. The lies hurt nearly as much as the blows.

0:24:250:24:28

I'm not lying, she's lying! She's just making all of this up,

0:24:280:24:31

because I said her life was depressing.

0:24:310:24:33

Can I say something, Dr Barker?

0:24:330:24:35

It took a lot of bravery for me to report all of this.

0:24:350:24:39

I tried telling one of my co-workers

0:24:390:24:41

and she threatened to rip off my eyelids.

0:24:410:24:43

-What?!

-I just wanted to help a young woman reach her potential

0:24:430:24:46

and this is how she repays me. I feel like a fool.

0:24:460:24:49

OK, I think we need to bring in Mr Greenwood.

0:24:490:24:51

He's the head of our Anti-Bullying Scheme. Just give me a moment.

0:24:510:24:55

Phew, I think she's buying it.

0:24:570:24:59

Why are you doing this, Hannah?

0:24:590:25:01

Hey, I wish it hadn't come to this, either.

0:25:010:25:03

You could've been my apprentice! I could have taught you

0:25:030:25:05

how to fake cry - the trick is to think of something really sad.

0:25:050:25:08

You can't do this, Hannah! I could get in so much trouble!

0:25:080:25:11

Oh, come on. You'll just get a slap on the wrist.

0:25:110:25:13

-Maybe a criminal record.

-Please don't do this, Hannah.

0:25:130:25:17

Fine, I'll drop all of the charges

0:25:180:25:20

if you promise to turn down the summer placement at my office.

0:25:200:25:24

And get me a burrito once a week.

0:25:240:25:26

OK, fine.

0:25:270:25:29

OK, Mr Greenwood will be down in a second.

0:25:290:25:32

You know what, Dr B, er...

0:25:320:25:34

I reckon we should just let bygones be bygones. I think Ellie would agree

0:25:340:25:37

that she's learnt her final lesson from Mummy Bird.

0:25:370:25:40

Who's Mummy Bird?

0:25:410:25:43

I want a good, clean fight, yeah?

0:25:450:25:48

No spitting, no scratching and no low blows.

0:25:480:25:51

And just so we're clear what's at stake here.

0:25:530:25:56

If my boys win, you replace their stuff.

0:25:560:25:59

-If you win, I will wear a dress.

-I don't want you to wear a dress!

0:25:590:26:03

-Look, are we going to fight or what?

-All right, let's get on with it.

0:26:030:26:06

Good luck. Remember what I taught you about making a strong fist.

0:26:060:26:09

You didn't teach us anything about making a strong fist!

0:26:090:26:12

Oh, shit, there's no time now. You'll be fine. ..Good luck, boys!

0:26:120:26:16

PUPILS CHANT: Fight! Fight!

0:26:160:26:18

HE GRUNTS

0:26:200:26:22

What are you doing? It's still two against one! Come on!

0:26:220:26:26

Stop it! I said stop!

0:26:260:26:28

All of you, get out of here! Go! Go on.

0:26:290:26:32

-Dan?

-Jamie Flack? Oh, my God, what are you doing here?

0:26:350:26:39

I work here, I'm a teacher. What are you doing here?

0:26:390:26:42

I organised the fight.

0:26:420:26:43

Look, Ken, Jacob, Ashok, I want you to go and wait in my classroom.

0:26:440:26:48

This isn't like you, I'm very disappointed.

0:26:480:26:50

Well done.

0:26:520:26:53

And you, what the fuck did mum tell you about getting into fights?

0:26:530:26:56

JAMIE PROTESTS When we get home, you are dead!

0:26:560:26:58

Dan, what the hell is going on here?

0:27:020:27:04

Your brother pushed those kids around

0:27:040:27:06

-and I wasn't going to let him get away with it, like you did.

-What?

0:27:060:27:09

Your ugly little brother is a vicious thug, just like you were.

0:27:090:27:13

-What are you talking about?

-Oh, don't do the innocent act.

0:27:130:27:17

You beat me up in Year 10, just because I was different.

0:27:170:27:20

No, I beat you up in Year 10,

0:27:200:27:22

because you cut the end of my finger off in DT!

0:27:220:27:25

-And because I was different.

-No, because of the finger.

0:27:250:27:29

-And also just because I was...

-No.

0:27:290:27:31

Hannah!

0:27:340:27:36

Oh, hey. How was the fight?

0:27:360:27:38

Cancelled after the first punch.

0:27:380:27:40

-Really?

-Yeah, they called the kids' parents.

0:27:400:27:42

I'm not allowed to hang out with them any more.

0:27:420:27:45

Good. I don't know why that's taken so long.

0:27:450:27:47

Yeah, it's a shame. But great news!

0:27:470:27:50

Turns out Jamie Flack didn't beat me up, cos I was different.

0:27:500:27:53

It was just because I cut off one of his fingers in DT.

0:27:530:27:55

-High four.

-That's not great news.

0:27:550:27:57

You permanently damaged someone's life. That's terrible!

0:27:570:28:01

-What are you doing here anyway?

-Oh, I managed to get rid of Ellie

0:28:010:28:04

by pretending she had massive rage issues.

0:28:040:28:06

HE SIGHS

0:28:080:28:10

God, I miss school.

0:28:100:28:12

Bwark!

0:28:420:28:43

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