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You let Old Man Bracket sell you too many. | 0:00:10 | 0:00:13 | |
They're fresh from his allotment. | 0:00:14 | 0:00:16 | |
It were a steal. | 0:00:16 | 0:00:18 | |
You know why it was a steal. | 0:00:18 | 0:00:20 | |
He's grown too many, and he can't get rid. | 0:00:20 | 0:00:22 | |
-Neither can you. -Just watch this space. | 0:00:22 | 0:00:25 | |
You couldn't get rid of Dr Proctor's nerve tonic,. | 0:00:25 | 0:00:27 | |
That were different, weren't it? Now we're professionals. | 0:00:27 | 0:00:31 | |
Watch this. Watch this. | 0:00:31 | 0:00:33 | |
Good day to you, Mrs Teasdale, | 0:00:33 | 0:00:36 | |
don't tell me you intend walking past these lovely fresh turnips? | 0:00:36 | 0:00:40 | |
Turnips? Oh, we're into quinoa. | 0:00:40 | 0:00:43 | |
Last year she thought that quinoa was near Benidorm. | 0:00:45 | 0:00:48 | |
HE SNIFFS | 0:01:11 | 0:01:13 | |
HE SIGHS | 0:01:13 | 0:01:14 | |
Some girl was making a lot of noise in this doorway last night. | 0:01:17 | 0:01:21 | |
Woke you up, did she? | 0:01:21 | 0:01:23 | |
Very much. I was with her. | 0:01:23 | 0:01:24 | |
She never stops yakking. | 0:01:26 | 0:01:28 | |
Worth it though, if you just ignore it and keep snogging. | 0:01:28 | 0:01:30 | |
She's going to uni next month. | 0:01:33 | 0:01:35 | |
I expect they'll ruin her for normal purposes. | 0:01:35 | 0:01:37 | |
We're going to have to put a muzzle on this till. | 0:02:00 | 0:02:04 | |
I think I'm in love with someone gobby and intelligent. | 0:02:04 | 0:02:06 | |
Intelligence would do you no good at all. | 0:02:06 | 0:02:09 | |
Gobby gets things done. | 0:02:09 | 0:02:12 | |
She wanted to know what I thought about Salvador Dali. | 0:02:12 | 0:02:14 | |
I told her, I don't even know who he plays for. | 0:02:14 | 0:02:17 | |
She immediately withdrew my snogging privileges. | 0:02:19 | 0:02:21 | |
Snogging? I thought you said that she were a talker. | 0:02:22 | 0:02:26 | |
Yeah, she talks through it. | 0:02:26 | 0:02:28 | |
-Morning. -Good morning, Gastric. | 0:02:30 | 0:02:32 | |
Right, what do I fancy for breakfast? | 0:02:32 | 0:02:35 | |
Turnip. | 0:02:35 | 0:02:37 | |
For breakfast? | 0:02:38 | 0:02:40 | |
It's the new quinoa. | 0:02:40 | 0:02:42 | |
You enjoyed it yesterday. | 0:02:42 | 0:02:44 | |
I had bacon and eggs yesterday. | 0:02:44 | 0:02:46 | |
Yes, you did, with thin fried slices of turnip. | 0:02:46 | 0:02:50 | |
You said how much you enjoyed it. | 0:02:50 | 0:02:52 | |
I never came in here twice yesterday morning? | 0:02:52 | 0:02:55 | |
I were working on a roof. | 0:02:55 | 0:02:57 | |
Oh, dear, your memory's going. | 0:02:58 | 0:03:01 | |
We've seen it coming, me and Leroy. Don't you remember? | 0:03:01 | 0:03:05 | |
Madge was in here. | 0:03:05 | 0:03:06 | |
She gave you a kiss. | 0:03:07 | 0:03:10 | |
I don't remember that. | 0:03:10 | 0:03:12 | |
She usually goes, "Eww"! | 0:03:12 | 0:03:15 | |
It's worse than we thought. | 0:03:17 | 0:03:19 | |
I'm saying nothing. | 0:03:20 | 0:03:22 | |
You see... | 0:03:22 | 0:03:23 | |
Leroy's too choked up to speak. | 0:03:24 | 0:03:27 | |
He said to me, he said, | 0:03:27 | 0:03:28 | |
he was getting so worried about Gastric losing his memory permanently. | 0:03:28 | 0:03:32 | |
I said, "No, don't you worry, Leroy," I said. | 0:03:32 | 0:03:35 | |
I said, "You're forgetting that we have the cure." | 0:03:35 | 0:03:40 | |
There's a cure? | 0:03:40 | 0:03:41 | |
Yes. Treasured since Roman times for restoring the memory. | 0:03:41 | 0:03:46 | |
A turnip? | 0:03:49 | 0:03:50 | |
A turnip. They never went anywhere without their raw turnip. | 0:03:50 | 0:03:54 | |
That's why they had short swords. | 0:03:55 | 0:03:57 | |
Because the rest of the scabbard was filled up with raw turnip. | 0:03:59 | 0:04:01 | |
Here we are, Cyril. | 0:04:14 | 0:04:16 | |
Please accept this small, free gift, with our compliments. | 0:04:16 | 0:04:20 | |
What is it? | 0:04:21 | 0:04:23 | |
It's one of nature's premier remedies. | 0:04:23 | 0:04:26 | |
You put it around your ankles, and it keeps the smidges away. | 0:04:26 | 0:04:30 | |
Raw turnip round your ankles? | 0:04:31 | 0:04:33 | |
Yes, well, we don't recommend it mashed. | 0:04:33 | 0:04:35 | |
It doesn't have the same prophylactic effect. | 0:04:36 | 0:04:39 | |
And what are smidges? | 0:04:41 | 0:04:43 | |
You mean midges. | 0:04:43 | 0:04:44 | |
No, no, midges are visible. | 0:04:44 | 0:04:46 | |
Smidges are too small to be seen with the naked eye. | 0:04:46 | 0:04:50 | |
So how do you know that they're there? | 0:04:50 | 0:04:53 | |
Well, you don't, of course, unless you have a smidge detector. | 0:04:54 | 0:04:57 | |
Don't tell me you haven't got a smidge detector? | 0:04:59 | 0:05:02 | |
Oh, dear, oh dear. | 0:05:02 | 0:05:04 | |
Oh. | 0:05:05 | 0:05:06 | |
Never mind, here you are, one smidge detector. | 0:05:08 | 0:05:11 | |
There you go. | 0:05:11 | 0:05:13 | |
It changes colour if the little beggars are about. | 0:05:13 | 0:05:17 | |
And, of course, you can tell they're about now, | 0:05:17 | 0:05:19 | |
because five minutes ago that were blue. | 0:05:19 | 0:05:21 | |
Because that holds your slice of turnip in place | 0:05:22 | 0:05:25 | |
when you put it round your ankle. | 0:05:25 | 0:05:28 | |
Why round your ankle? | 0:05:30 | 0:05:32 | |
Because that's where they are, aren't they, the smidges - | 0:05:32 | 0:05:34 | |
they're not high-flyers. | 0:05:34 | 0:05:36 | |
No, smidges are very, very low. | 0:05:36 | 0:05:38 | |
They're sneaky. They come in low like that, | 0:05:38 | 0:05:40 | |
they go EEH, they hit you on the ankle, and go DZZZ like that. | 0:05:40 | 0:05:44 | |
And SPLAT - they've gone. | 0:05:44 | 0:05:46 | |
So no serious effects, then? | 0:05:49 | 0:05:50 | |
Well... | 0:05:51 | 0:05:53 | |
Er, no. Not if you don't mind losing all of your masculine vigour. | 0:05:54 | 0:05:59 | |
Not to mention your interest in the...opposite sex. | 0:06:01 | 0:06:05 | |
No, please, don't let me keep you. | 0:06:07 | 0:06:08 | |
How much? | 0:06:10 | 0:06:12 | |
£4.25. | 0:06:12 | 0:06:14 | |
What, for a rubber band? | 0:06:14 | 0:06:15 | |
But you do get the turnip absolutely free. | 0:06:15 | 0:06:18 | |
Are you sure this is going to work? | 0:06:23 | 0:06:25 | |
Trust me. It's one of my best advertising gimmicks. | 0:06:25 | 0:06:28 | |
Oh, excuse me. Do you mind taking a look at this? | 0:06:29 | 0:06:33 | |
Do you recognise this man? | 0:06:33 | 0:06:35 | |
I know he lives in this area. | 0:06:35 | 0:06:37 | |
He promised he'd write, but, of course, he never has. | 0:06:37 | 0:06:40 | |
Wait, that's... | 0:06:41 | 0:06:42 | |
Hmmm. | 0:06:42 | 0:06:43 | |
Very unfamiliar. | 0:06:45 | 0:06:46 | |
Dodgy, but unfamiliar. | 0:06:46 | 0:06:48 | |
Then would you mind keeping it and showing it to your customers? | 0:06:48 | 0:06:51 | |
I'll be back later, thank you. | 0:06:51 | 0:06:53 | |
Eh, she had... | 0:06:53 | 0:06:55 | |
I know that. Come on. | 0:06:55 | 0:06:57 | |
20p for that apple. | 0:06:58 | 0:06:59 | |
You must be joking! | 0:06:59 | 0:07:00 | |
Don't be alarmed, Mr Newbould, it's only me. | 0:07:03 | 0:07:06 | |
Or should that be "I"? | 0:07:07 | 0:07:09 | |
Whatever. It's only us. | 0:07:09 | 0:07:13 | |
Ah, there you are. | 0:07:13 | 0:07:15 | |
Don't mind me. You carry on with whatever you're doing. | 0:07:15 | 0:07:18 | |
Whatever it is. | 0:07:18 | 0:07:20 | |
Reading? | 0:07:21 | 0:07:23 | |
Straining the brain, Mr Newbould. | 0:07:23 | 0:07:25 | |
I've seen it happen. | 0:07:25 | 0:07:26 | |
It's only my stamp album, it's hardly a strain. | 0:07:26 | 0:07:29 | |
I had to ban my second husband from reading anything exciting when he | 0:07:29 | 0:07:32 | |
threw off his pyjamas and claimed the right to sleep naked. | 0:07:32 | 0:07:35 | |
How are you on pyjamas, Mr Newbould? | 0:07:39 | 0:07:41 | |
I'm for them. The thicker the better. | 0:07:42 | 0:07:46 | |
I knew I could rely on you. | 0:07:46 | 0:07:47 | |
Oh, drinking already? | 0:07:49 | 0:07:52 | |
It's only my sister's home-made wine. | 0:07:52 | 0:07:54 | |
May I offer you a glass? | 0:07:56 | 0:07:57 | |
You may. Though it won't further your naughtier intentions. | 0:07:57 | 0:08:01 | |
I have an iron constitution. | 0:08:01 | 0:08:04 | |
I don't doubt that for a moment. | 0:08:04 | 0:08:06 | |
And I'm unaware of any naughty intentions. | 0:08:07 | 0:08:10 | |
Oh, they'll be there. They always are. | 0:08:10 | 0:08:12 | |
Even my third husband came alive if he I fed him too many carbohydrates. | 0:08:12 | 0:08:16 | |
This is rather strong. | 0:08:17 | 0:08:19 | |
Pleasant, but one never knows what punch may lurk | 0:08:20 | 0:08:24 | |
in these home-made things. | 0:08:24 | 0:08:25 | |
Mm! Oh, yes. | 0:08:29 | 0:08:31 | |
That is very pleasant. | 0:08:31 | 0:08:33 | |
I think we'll do that again. | 0:08:37 | 0:08:39 | |
Whose pram might that be? | 0:08:47 | 0:08:49 | |
Why ask me? Am I the local know it all? | 0:08:49 | 0:08:52 | |
-Usually. -It's true. | 0:08:52 | 0:08:54 | |
And now I'm feeling challenged, because I don't know | 0:08:55 | 0:08:57 | |
who's recently been filling prams round here. | 0:08:57 | 0:09:00 | |
I hope young Leroy's chickens haven't come home to roost. | 0:09:00 | 0:09:04 | |
Don't say that. I always think Leroy is such a charmer. | 0:09:04 | 0:09:08 | |
So, yes, of course, you could be right. | 0:09:08 | 0:09:09 | |
It's one of his advertising stunts. | 0:09:11 | 0:09:14 | |
Where does he come up with these things? | 0:09:16 | 0:09:18 | |
I wonder where he got t'pram? | 0:09:18 | 0:09:20 | |
I wonder where he got t'baby. | 0:09:20 | 0:09:21 | |
I usually know who's scattering THEM about. | 0:09:21 | 0:09:24 | |
There can't be a baby in. | 0:09:24 | 0:09:26 | |
Even he wouldn't leave a baby outside. | 0:09:26 | 0:09:29 | |
Unless there's a profit in it. | 0:09:29 | 0:09:31 | |
-You wanted to see me? -Yes. | 0:10:05 | 0:10:07 | |
Yes. Come in. | 0:10:07 | 0:10:08 | |
And what have you been up to? | 0:10:11 | 0:10:13 | |
Not a lot, lately. | 0:10:15 | 0:10:16 | |
I'm saying lately, I mean ages. | 0:10:17 | 0:10:20 | |
There an angry female looking for you. | 0:10:20 | 0:10:22 | |
I'm married. Tell me something I don't know. | 0:10:23 | 0:10:26 | |
This is not Cath. | 0:10:29 | 0:10:31 | |
This is another angry female, one that we don't know. | 0:10:31 | 0:10:36 | |
Did she say what it was about? | 0:10:36 | 0:10:38 | |
No, but she didn't look too pleased. | 0:10:38 | 0:10:41 | |
So not only is there a strange woman looking for me, | 0:10:41 | 0:10:43 | |
it's a strange woman in a bad mood? | 0:10:43 | 0:10:45 | |
It's typical. | 0:10:46 | 0:10:48 | |
Where did I get this gift for arousing female hostility? | 0:10:48 | 0:10:52 | |
Well, hell hath no fury. Who have you been scorning lately, Eric? | 0:10:52 | 0:10:57 | |
-Hey, hey. -Ah! | 0:10:57 | 0:11:00 | |
You didn't give them my address? | 0:11:00 | 0:11:01 | |
No, no, no, I didn't. No, calm down. | 0:11:01 | 0:11:04 | |
Relax. | 0:11:04 | 0:11:05 | |
I can help you there. | 0:11:07 | 0:11:08 | |
Yeah. | 0:11:08 | 0:11:09 | |
Cath's going to kill me. | 0:11:15 | 0:11:17 | |
Why, what have you done? | 0:11:17 | 0:11:18 | |
Nothing I can remember. She'll think of something. | 0:11:18 | 0:11:22 | |
You're going to need one of these. | 0:11:22 | 0:11:24 | |
Help you calm your nerves. | 0:11:24 | 0:11:26 | |
Have you seen my brother-in-law? | 0:11:26 | 0:11:28 | |
Don't you think one turnip in the family is enough? | 0:11:29 | 0:11:31 | |
With some people it's rocks, with others it's turnips. | 0:11:33 | 0:11:38 | |
What you do is you hold it, you stroke it, | 0:11:38 | 0:11:42 | |
and it will lead you peacefully to your calm centre. | 0:11:42 | 0:11:46 | |
I'm going to look a right muffin stroking it. | 0:11:52 | 0:11:54 | |
Not only will this turnip bring you immediate tranquillity, | 0:11:56 | 0:12:01 | |
but a recent survey of 78% of people | 0:12:01 | 0:12:05 | |
reported it stimulated their partner's urge | 0:12:05 | 0:12:10 | |
to possess them. | 0:12:10 | 0:12:12 | |
£4.75. | 0:12:19 | 0:12:21 | |
£4.75?! | 0:12:21 | 0:12:22 | |
Ah! But it includes... | 0:12:22 | 0:12:25 | |
Free of charge. | 0:12:27 | 0:12:28 | |
Right, now watch this. | 0:12:37 | 0:12:38 | |
Right. You give the customer a fright. | 0:12:45 | 0:12:49 | |
And then be ready with your Dr Proctor's nerve tonic. | 0:12:50 | 0:12:54 | |
You can put your spider away. | 0:12:55 | 0:12:57 | |
It won't work. In my opinion, no chance. | 0:12:57 | 0:13:00 | |
As I looked from my window I accidentally saw you last night | 0:13:06 | 0:13:08 | |
in the shop doorway. With the one who's going to uni. | 0:13:08 | 0:13:11 | |
You seemed very interested in higher education. | 0:13:13 | 0:13:15 | |
She only gave me a B minus. | 0:13:16 | 0:13:18 | |
You should go where there's a chance of straight As. | 0:13:18 | 0:13:21 | |
Now then, how may we help you? | 0:13:21 | 0:13:23 | |
I don't want a turnip. | 0:13:25 | 0:13:26 | |
We've got a special offer on nerve tonic. | 0:13:27 | 0:13:30 | |
Why would I need nerve tonic? | 0:13:30 | 0:13:32 | |
I'm only modestly educated, but a rock of stability. | 0:13:32 | 0:13:35 | |
SHE SCREAMS | 0:13:37 | 0:13:38 | |
I'll take it. | 0:13:40 | 0:13:41 | |
Ow! | 0:13:50 | 0:13:51 | |
So who's this woman who's looking for you? | 0:13:52 | 0:13:54 | |
Ain't it marvellous how word travels round here? | 0:13:56 | 0:13:58 | |
So who is she? | 0:13:58 | 0:14:00 | |
I don't know! | 0:14:00 | 0:14:02 | |
You'll probably know before I do. | 0:14:02 | 0:14:04 | |
Oh, put your leg away, Cyril, there's no such thing as smidges. | 0:14:06 | 0:14:11 | |
How do you know if you can't see them? | 0:14:11 | 0:14:14 | |
I'm just taking precautions. | 0:14:14 | 0:14:16 | |
I wish I was. | 0:14:16 | 0:14:18 | |
There's a woman looking for me. | 0:14:18 | 0:14:19 | |
Oh. So you've got some memory, then? | 0:14:20 | 0:14:23 | |
I'm joking. | 0:14:23 | 0:14:25 | |
I'm joking! | 0:14:27 | 0:14:28 | |
And that will stop the smidges? | 0:14:31 | 0:14:34 | |
Oh, yes. | 0:14:34 | 0:14:35 | |
It's the only effective countermeasure when used | 0:14:35 | 0:14:38 | |
in conjunction with your slice of turnip. | 0:14:38 | 0:14:41 | |
Is he on special offer? | 0:14:47 | 0:14:49 | |
We're nearly finished, Mrs Featherstone. | 0:14:49 | 0:14:52 | |
He's got a hole in his sock. | 0:14:52 | 0:14:54 | |
Well, I didn't know it was going to be on show. | 0:14:54 | 0:14:57 | |
Yes, well, it is a diagnostic tool, Mrs Featherstone. | 0:14:57 | 0:15:02 | |
Show me a hole in a sock, and I'll show you where the smidges have been. | 0:15:02 | 0:15:05 | |
Smidges eat your socks? | 0:15:05 | 0:15:06 | |
I am looking at you, Granville, | 0:15:09 | 0:15:12 | |
through the glow of Mr Newbould's sister's home-made wine. | 0:15:12 | 0:15:17 | |
It's tilted your hat, Mrs Featherstone. | 0:15:19 | 0:15:22 | |
Oh, it's tilted more than that, Granville. | 0:15:22 | 0:15:25 | |
In fact, I am leaning towards... | 0:15:25 | 0:15:29 | |
Put your boots on outside, Gastric! | 0:15:31 | 0:15:35 | |
The next few moments are not for those with holes in their socks. | 0:15:35 | 0:15:40 | |
Good luck with the next few moments, Granville. | 0:15:40 | 0:15:42 | |
My relationship with Mr Newbould gathers pace, Granville. | 0:15:46 | 0:15:51 | |
Oh, he's a good man. | 0:15:51 | 0:15:53 | |
I'd hang onto him, you know. | 0:15:53 | 0:15:55 | |
However, let it be known, that for the right party, | 0:15:55 | 0:15:58 | |
there is still time. | 0:15:58 | 0:16:00 | |
Time? Yes, yes, just look at the time. | 0:16:00 | 0:16:03 | |
Oh, dear. | 0:16:03 | 0:16:05 | |
Would you take me as I am, Granville? | 0:16:05 | 0:16:08 | |
What, now? | 0:16:13 | 0:16:14 | |
With a slightly tilted hat. | 0:16:14 | 0:16:16 | |
Have you ever seen me in disarray before, Granville? | 0:16:17 | 0:16:21 | |
-No. -Well, this hat is just the start of it. | 0:16:21 | 0:16:24 | |
For the right party, | 0:16:24 | 0:16:25 | |
Delphine Featherstone can do disarray | 0:16:25 | 0:16:28 | |
with the best of them. | 0:16:28 | 0:16:31 | |
Oh, gods, that one's ugly. | 0:16:52 | 0:16:54 | |
It's a bit cold. | 0:17:13 | 0:17:14 | |
And life is going to stay that way until I get some answers. | 0:17:15 | 0:17:18 | |
Who is this woman who's looking for you? | 0:17:18 | 0:17:21 | |
Cath, this time I'm innocent. | 0:17:21 | 0:17:25 | |
I am pure snow white. I hope it's not blinding you. | 0:17:25 | 0:17:29 | |
I don't know who the woman is. | 0:17:30 | 0:17:32 | |
All right. | 0:17:34 | 0:17:36 | |
Well, let's start at... | 0:17:36 | 0:17:37 | |
WHY would this woman be looking for you? | 0:17:39 | 0:17:41 | |
I have no idea. | 0:17:44 | 0:17:45 | |
What have you been up to? And when? | 0:17:45 | 0:17:47 | |
And stop fiddling with your foot. What's that you've got around it? | 0:17:48 | 0:17:51 | |
Oh, you're wearing ankle bracelets now? | 0:17:52 | 0:17:55 | |
It's a smidge detector. | 0:17:57 | 0:17:58 | |
You can't see them with the naked eye. | 0:18:00 | 0:18:02 | |
And you wonder why I'm convinced you're not reliable? | 0:18:04 | 0:18:07 | |
I bought one for you too. | 0:18:13 | 0:18:14 | |
It helps keep your turnip in place. | 0:18:16 | 0:18:18 | |
Eric, am I missing something? | 0:18:20 | 0:18:23 | |
Have you been replaced by something from outer space? | 0:18:24 | 0:18:27 | |
Right, you're all loaded up. | 0:18:38 | 0:18:40 | |
Oh, and listen, when you get to Mrs Atkinson's... | 0:18:40 | 0:18:42 | |
Yes. | 0:18:44 | 0:18:45 | |
When you get to Mrs Atkinson's, knock three times... | 0:18:45 | 0:18:48 | |
Pause. And three times again. | 0:18:49 | 0:18:51 | |
She's nervous. She won't open up to strangers. | 0:18:53 | 0:18:55 | |
What are you doing? | 0:18:57 | 0:18:58 | |
Mrs Featherstone seriously bent my spider. | 0:18:58 | 0:19:01 | |
She has the same affect on me. | 0:19:01 | 0:19:04 | |
Anyway, you're going to serve Mrs Featherstone in future. | 0:19:04 | 0:19:07 | |
What kind of future's that? | 0:19:08 | 0:19:09 | |
Now, watch this. | 0:19:11 | 0:19:13 | |
Little gag for Mavis. | 0:19:13 | 0:19:15 | |
I'll show her what she does to this beating heart. | 0:19:21 | 0:19:24 | |
Thank you, as ever, Mrs Hussein. | 0:19:33 | 0:19:35 | |
Oh, er... | 0:19:35 | 0:19:37 | |
Can I tempt you with a turnip? | 0:19:38 | 0:19:41 | |
You can tempt me with or without, Leroy. | 0:19:41 | 0:19:43 | |
Speaking of turnips... | 0:19:47 | 0:19:49 | |
You should be ashamed of yourself. | 0:19:51 | 0:19:53 | |
Oh, Nora, the women are born sharp-tongued round here. | 0:19:59 | 0:20:03 | |
Speaking of which, who's this female that's been looking for you? | 0:20:03 | 0:20:08 | |
I keep telling you, I've no idea. | 0:20:08 | 0:20:10 | |
Come on, you can tell me. | 0:20:10 | 0:20:13 | |
I never shopped you about that barmaid, did I? | 0:20:13 | 0:20:15 | |
What barmaid? | 0:20:15 | 0:20:16 | |
Keep your voice down! | 0:20:16 | 0:20:18 | |
It were perfectly innocent. | 0:20:19 | 0:20:21 | |
We had a mutual interest in... Japanese prints. | 0:20:22 | 0:20:25 | |
She were in awe of my expertise. | 0:20:28 | 0:20:31 | |
In that particular field. | 0:20:31 | 0:20:34 | |
Which field? | 0:20:34 | 0:20:35 | |
Japanese prints! | 0:20:36 | 0:20:38 | |
Chuffing hell! | 0:20:45 | 0:20:46 | |
Oh, where are we going for mischievous night? | 0:20:51 | 0:20:57 | |
That's months away. | 0:20:57 | 0:20:59 | |
Haven't you got anything nearer? | 0:20:59 | 0:21:01 | |
Oh no, see, that's the old one, | 0:21:01 | 0:21:03 | |
the new mischievous night is being formally opened in the back of the shop | 0:21:03 | 0:21:08 | |
after closing. | 0:21:08 | 0:21:10 | |
Is this where I lose another earring? | 0:21:10 | 0:21:12 | |
I hope so. | 0:21:12 | 0:21:13 | |
Me too. | 0:21:14 | 0:21:16 | |
You know that you make my heart go pitter pat, pitter pat. | 0:21:16 | 0:21:20 | |
It's OK. | 0:21:25 | 0:21:26 | |
It's just my little joke. | 0:21:26 | 0:21:29 | |
SHE SCREAMS | 0:21:29 | 0:21:30 | |
It's you, isn't it? You're the one. | 0:21:46 | 0:21:48 | |
I've never seen this woman before! And I can prove it! | 0:21:50 | 0:21:52 | |
Relax. We bought your mum's house. | 0:21:54 | 0:21:56 | |
She said you'd be in touch and tell us where everything is. | 0:21:56 | 0:22:00 | |
We can't even find the stopcock. | 0:22:00 | 0:22:02 | |
Oh! | 0:22:02 | 0:22:04 | |
Oh, I'm sorry. | 0:22:04 | 0:22:06 | |
She never said anything to me. | 0:22:06 | 0:22:07 | |
She's getting forgetful. | 0:22:08 | 0:22:10 | |
Look, I'll come with you and show you. | 0:22:10 | 0:22:13 | |
Great. Thank you. | 0:22:13 | 0:22:14 | |
And congratulations. | 0:22:15 | 0:22:17 | |
Oh, no, no, it's not a baby. | 0:22:18 | 0:22:20 | |
It's a turnip. | 0:22:23 | 0:22:24 | |
He looked so pathetic and innocent, for a minute I almost believed him. | 0:22:29 | 0:22:33 | |
Bad move. They do that. | 0:22:33 | 0:22:35 | |
They think innocence is some sort of excuse. | 0:22:35 | 0:22:37 | |
Get nasty. Go for it. | 0:22:37 | 0:22:39 | |
What are the odds he'll be innocent? | 0:22:39 | 0:22:41 | |
And if he is, then you can give him double grief | 0:22:41 | 0:22:43 | |
the next time he slips up. | 0:22:43 | 0:22:45 | |
I knew it. > | 0:22:54 | 0:22:56 | |
Knock three times. | 0:22:59 | 0:23:01 | |
Pause and then knock three again. | 0:23:01 | 0:23:04 | |
Pause. | 0:23:08 | 0:23:09 | |
How could you think that I'd be involved with another woman? | 0:23:26 | 0:23:30 | |
OK, you may be innocent this time, but it doesn't give you a free pass. | 0:23:30 | 0:23:34 | |
Ah. | 0:23:34 | 0:23:36 | |
But it shows that deep down, you think I'm unreliable. | 0:23:36 | 0:23:40 | |
You were talking to a turnip. | 0:23:40 | 0:23:42 | |
They can be surprisingly comforting under times of great stress. | 0:23:44 | 0:23:48 | |
Eric, it's a turnip. | 0:23:49 | 0:23:51 | |
IT has a name. | 0:23:54 | 0:23:57 | |
You're back quick. | 0:24:08 | 0:24:09 | |
Number 14, what goes off in there? | 0:24:09 | 0:24:13 | |
What do you mean what goes off in there? | 0:24:13 | 0:24:15 | |
Well, I gave the secret knock, you know, and this naked arm came out. | 0:24:15 | 0:24:20 | |
And it was naked way beyond where an arm usually finishes. | 0:24:20 | 0:24:26 | |
She's a bit eccentric. She wears a swimming costume to do her housework. | 0:24:26 | 0:24:30 | |
She's harmless. | 0:24:30 | 0:24:31 | |
Why, does she go swimming? | 0:24:31 | 0:24:33 | |
How would I know? | 0:24:33 | 0:24:34 | |
Well, you know the secret knock. | 0:24:34 | 0:24:37 | |
Have you been splashing about in there? | 0:24:37 | 0:24:39 | |
She feeds me plum cake. | 0:24:40 | 0:24:42 | |
She makes great plum cake. | 0:24:42 | 0:24:44 | |
She's not exactly dressed for baking, is she? | 0:24:44 | 0:24:47 | |
That's why she needs the special knock. | 0:24:48 | 0:24:50 | |
-She's not exactly going to open the door to anybody when she's dressed like that, is she? -No. | 0:24:50 | 0:24:54 | |
Now what are you plotting? | 0:24:58 | 0:25:00 | |
I've got to get the black widow off my back, | 0:25:00 | 0:25:02 | |
she's not moving fast enough with Mr Newbould. | 0:25:02 | 0:25:06 | |
You can't throw that poor man into the jaws of Mrs Featherstone. | 0:25:06 | 0:25:09 | |
Self defence, Leroy. Self defence. | 0:25:09 | 0:25:11 | |
Anyway, I'll make it up to him once they're married. | 0:25:11 | 0:25:14 | |
French colonial stamps, mint condition, | 0:25:18 | 0:25:22 | |
entire collection, for sale. | 0:25:22 | 0:25:24 | |
French colonial? That's my field. | 0:25:24 | 0:25:27 | |
Is it? What a coincidence! | 0:25:27 | 0:25:31 | |
I'm sure they said French colonial. But I'm only repeating what I heard. | 0:25:31 | 0:25:36 | |
Number 14? | 0:25:36 | 0:25:38 | |
Yes, but she won't answer unless she gets the special knock. | 0:25:38 | 0:25:42 | |
Which is... | 0:25:42 | 0:25:44 | |
Pause. | 0:25:46 | 0:25:47 | |
There. | 0:25:50 | 0:25:51 | |
She must be a keen collector. | 0:25:51 | 0:25:52 | |
Oh, yes, she is. | 0:25:52 | 0:25:54 | |
I thought it was only of young grocers, but... | 0:25:54 | 0:25:58 | |
How very encouraging of you, to invite me on this little drive, Granville. | 0:26:08 | 0:26:13 | |
But why are we parking here? | 0:26:13 | 0:26:16 | |
Just taking a breather, Mrs Featherstone. | 0:26:17 | 0:26:20 | |
Oh, look who's coming. | 0:26:21 | 0:26:24 | |
Oh, I hope he's not following me. | 0:26:25 | 0:26:28 | |
They get obsessed with you. | 0:26:28 | 0:26:30 | |
Well, you know how it is. | 0:26:30 | 0:26:31 | |
Oh! You're a tall person. | 0:26:38 | 0:26:41 | |
Did you see that? | 0:26:46 | 0:26:47 | |
Oh, that - I'll deal with him later. | 0:26:47 | 0:26:51 | |
Ah! | 0:26:52 | 0:26:53 | |
Oh, no, Mrs Featherstone. Smidge! | 0:26:53 | 0:26:55 | |
Smidge attack! And I've got cramp. It's cramp. | 0:26:55 | 0:26:59 | |
Yes, it is. It's cramp. | 0:26:59 | 0:27:01 | |
Ooh. Ah. | 0:27:01 | 0:27:03 | |
Ooh. Hey. | 0:27:03 | 0:27:05 | |
Sorry. I've got cramp. | 0:27:05 | 0:27:08 | |
And it's, oh, look at that, | 0:27:08 | 0:27:09 | |
it's changed the colour of the elastic in my underwear. | 0:27:09 | 0:27:13 | |
No, it's cramp. I have to walk it off, you see. | 0:27:14 | 0:27:17 | |
Sorry, Mrs Featherstone. | 0:27:17 | 0:27:19 | |
Oh! | 0:27:19 | 0:27:20 | |
Well, well, well. | 0:27:20 | 0:27:23 | |
Look who's caused the elastic in his underpants to change colour. | 0:27:23 | 0:27:27 | |
SHE CHUCKLES | 0:27:27 | 0:27:29 | |
He may fight it, but he's yours, Delphine. | 0:27:29 | 0:27:32 | |
If you wait I'm sure I can find some stamps! | 0:27:34 | 0:27:37 | |
I thought she had some French colonials. | 0:27:42 | 0:27:44 | |
Most of them, I should think, dressed like that. | 0:27:46 | 0:27:48 | |
It's amazing how that Mrs Featherstone really fills a small car. | 0:27:53 | 0:27:58 | |
There seemed to be no air. | 0:27:58 | 0:28:01 | |
Just the scent of lavender. | 0:28:01 | 0:28:03 | |
And the creek of corsetry under stress. | 0:28:03 | 0:28:06 | |
Oh, preserve our Leroy, Lord, | 0:28:12 | 0:28:15 | |
from the perils which lie in the way for personable young grocers. | 0:28:15 | 0:28:20 | |
And if he has to stumble, let it lead to a sizeable weekly order. | 0:28:20 | 0:28:25 |