Episode 1 Sugartown

-# Do do doo

-I'm coming home, baby

-# Do do do-oo-ooh do do doo

-I'm coming home now right away

-# Do do doo

-I'm coming home, baby

-# Do do do-oo-ooh do do doo

-I'm sorry now I ever went away

-# Do do do do dooooo doo doo do

-Every night and day I go and stay

-# I'm coming home, baby

-Come on home

-# I'm coming home, baby now

-You know I'm waiting here for you

-# I'm coming home now, reeeeal soon

-You've been gone

-# I'm coming home, baby now

-You don't know what... #

-Max Burr.

-Ron.

Good of you to stop by.

-Old place hasn't changed, has it?

-No, not far as I can tell.

Now, don't get me wrong, it's good to see a Burr back

and I'm all for progress but, I mean, we're not Vegas.

-No, not as far as I can tell.

-A casino?

-Ah-ah, entertainment complex.

We haven't even had bingo since '83.

The days of the bucket and spade brigade are gone, Ron.

Besides, you can't afford principles.

Neither can this town.

You're dying on your arse out there.

But you know Sugartown, Max. It's a hotbed of community dynamism.

Can't guarantee folk'll wear it.

Ron...

It hasn't sat well to sit on it.

I had to keep it quiet. Still got to let the other towns down gently

and there was a fair few councils begging me to set up shop on their patches.

Bridlington...

But no, for me it had to be Sugartown.

I see it as my chance, to er... you know, give something back.

You're a true Burr.

After all, your family made Sugartown world famous throughout Britain.

I suppose we'll be seeing you at our Emily's party tonight?

Ah, yes, the birthday girl. Jason invited me.

Seeing as I'm in town, I thought I'd disappoint him by turning up.

Little bit more than a birthday though, eh?

I expect Jason's asked you to be best man?

Would you trust me round bridesmaids?

# I got some troubles but they won't last

# I'm going to lay right down here in the grass

# And pretty soon all my troubles will pass

# Cos I'm in shoo-shoo-shoo, shoo-shoo-shoo

# Shoo-shoo, shoo-shoo, shoo-shoo Sugartown #

# La la la la laaa

Ta-dah!

Oh, that's great, really. It's great.

-Well, we all made it.

-It's great.

But Michael did the piping.

She'd better say yes after all this, eh?

Oh, we're covered for a negative scenario.

Ooh!

Oh, hey, Anne. Good of you to come.

I made sure I wasn't tailed. I doubled-back on myself at Mr Cod.

Thing is, I need your help. I'm going to pop the question to Emily.

Am I the last person to know?

No!

Well, yeah... apart from Emily.

I didn't want you to feel compromised, being her best mate.

Oh, yeah. Well, that's probably for the best,

cos you know me and secrets.

I just need you to get her here for 6:30, OK?

But I really want it to be a surprise, so... no telling, yeah?

-Anne?

-I promise!

SCREAMING

-This is huge!

-This is huge!

-And has he got it all under control?

Catering and so on. He hasn't just put out chips and dips?

I'm wanting to say tapas but it all happened so fast.

Oh, God, what do you wear to get proposed to?

-Smart casual?

-'Thrown together' doesn't just happen, it takes planning.

Oh, I wish he'd given me some notice.

He knows I like all surprises run by me first.

Just think, Em, marriage.

That's, like, for the rest of your life,

or till death do you part, whatever comes first.

-Yeah.

-But I need you to act surprised.

Confused. Wind.

PHONE RINGS

You're late. I was expecting you... hmm, three weeks ago.

The sea air's done wonders for your mood. Status update?

Well, let's see.

I've been stuck here, in Happy Valley, on my own,

completely carrying you for six weeks.

The whole town shuts at eight and you can't get a proper cup of coffee.

And yes, we're on schedule.

Atta girl! Just need to move the eyes in the skies, sight lines are off.

The locals keep trying to talk to me.

They do that. They're more scared of you.

I mean, they want to know what I'm up to.

Did you tell them?

No tourists, no through-trade and I spy with my little eye,

no-one under the age of 70.

Why here? I knew you hated the place, now I know why.

Just proving a few people right.

Hold on, where are you going?! We need to go over the drill, the girls are arriving tomorrow.

You've got everything under control.

Oh, listen, got a family do tonight. You can come with me.

Do yourself up a bit first though, eh?

Oh, look at them, they look lovely!

Just don't ask where I got them at short notice.

Lilies? Doesn't bode.

They look very thirsty.

Follow on, Michael. I've readied the buckets.

A hoodie bearing booze. I hope Jason knows what he's doing.

Now you know, I'm not one for tattle.

But regarding that boy, word on the street is rife.

That incident with the Swedish tourist?

No-one really knows what happened in that aquarium.

One can't help but hear rumours.

And start them.

Right, well, I think we're in a state of readiness.

May as well get the staff back, we're behind with that Bognor order.

They're enjoying themselves, let them be.

Well, you're obviously planning a miracle I don't know about.

I do the books, Jason.

Bognor ditched us.

Wha... Why?

Well, as good as.

That outfit in Donny stepped in. Cheaper, faster, whatever.

And me out of aspirin.

They were our last big client.

Did you talk to them, haggle?

No, I rolled over and said pull out, ruin the business I love, put these people out of work(!)

Sarky martyr is not a good look, Jason.

-Look, look, if we all got busy... I mean, I'll pitch in.

-I'll sort it.

Jason, you're a good lad, but you're not bloody Atlas.

AIR HORN PARPS

-All right?

-All right?

-What happened here?

-Wednesday.

I said, um...what happened here?

Wednesday. It's early closing.

Have I come up North or back in time?

-You want a ride or what?

-Yes, please. I'm looking for...

-Burr?

-Get in.

I'm a dancer.

Yep, dancing. That's what I do.

So, um, what do you do for fun around here?

Leave.

I think I'll team an ivory Vera Wang with a vintage shrug.

Oh, well maybe I could go prom-style then.

Or something that suits a boyish frame?

Do you think Michael likes a boyish frame?

Well, that's not news...

SHE SQUEALS

Oh, that's it! The surprised face!

Wow, all lit up to welcome me!

-Ron, you're protruding. Crouch.

-What?

-Tuck in your fat arse.

Surprise!

SHE SCREAMS

Ron, weren't you meant to be on look-out?

Now hold on, I was told to crouch.

I couldn't see over the patatas bravas!

CLEARS THROAT

Surprise!

-Surprise!

-Wow. I am utterly shocked.

Really, really shocked! I mean...

Jason.

Yeah, right, um...

Right, well, as... as you all know, me and Em here,

we've been together for a while now.

Fact is, she's the best thing that's ever happened to me.

You all know her, know how kind she is, how smart,

everything she does for everyone in this room.

That's on top of the meals on wheels, fun runs...

I love her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

With you, Em.

So, what I... what I want to say is...

Do you want a towel?

Yes! The answer's yes.

-Yeah?

-Yes.

-To the... Not to the towel?

-Yes! The answer's yes!

Cappuccino bar... That could be an art gallery, boutique.

Oooh, another art gallery. Moderns and abstracts, mainly.

This place has got potential, Sam. It's proper class.

Just needs a bit of imagination.

And taste.

And capital.

Which brings us to...

Ooh.

Cracking real estate, innit?

No, Max. It's Burrs!

-Burr says...

-Come on.

If I know my brother they'll be on the cheap plonk by now.

DISCO MUSIC PLAYS

I mean, yeah, there were the weekends at Greenham and the floats at Pride

and we always had Germaine Greer around the house.

But in my head, I'm saying,

"Ron, should you have given it longer at the commune?"

But I want to get married, Dad.

I know, I know. I just don't want to see my princess in chains.

It's Jason we're talking about. He knows how to work a hoover.

-I'm gaining a son.

-Ha ha!

So, Ems, what do you think of our smashing cake here?

Yeah, it's really quite... something.

Have I got a broken neck?!

Oh. Watch out for the butterfly prawns. They are minging.

Family recipe.

Yeah?

Yeah... Well, "minging" as in "good".

You know, like "wicked"?

What do you think about my Ems, Margery?

All grown up and getting married.

Ah, I think it's minging!

Oh, I'm really sorry about the whole... RHYTHMIC NOISES

..completely ruining your big... Anyway, congratulations!

I don't think we've been...

Oh, I'm Carmen. So tell me, which one is Mr Burr?

I have heard he is fit and lo-hoaded!

-I'm sorry?

-Ah, I think I see.

-Max!

-Yeah.

-Live and in person.

-Max?!

-Carmen?

-Mum!

-Carmen!

-Max.

Oh, it's like panto.

A casino?!

-An entertainment complex.

-Max, what part of the brain d...?

Oh, Jase, jeez, take the stick of rock out of your backside.

It's all legit.

-This is a family resort. It'd kill the town.

-By creating jobs, hope, that sort of thing?

Well, we're happy with the town as it is.

Oh, sorry, hang on. Hello?

Oh, it's the 1950s. Must be for you.

-What's this all about, Max?

-A lifeline. For you, that is.

-Meaning?

-Meaning rock ain't rolling any more.

-We're done.

-No. We're not.

Yes. We are.

Would you like to dance, Anne?

God, yeah!

# How do you like it? How do you like it?

# More, more, more

# How do you like it? How do you like... #

You can't go anywhere without causing trouble.

-What's going on?

-Nothing, just a fuse. I'll sort it.

I'm impressed. I always had you down as a gold digger.

The happy couple.

-I wish he'd just stay out of our lives.

-Really?

It's you I'm marrying, isn't it?

I'm sorry.

This is my night... and to some extent yours.

-And I won't let Max ruin it.

-He's family, he's all I've got.

Not any more.

Finish your breakfast then I'll walk you to the train station.

Mr Burr hired me because I'm good.

At what?

Carmen, why didn't you tell me?

Because I wanted to surprise you. Surprise!

Oh, Mum, I've been stuck in the chorus line for two years.

The only time I got noticed was that incident with the runaway horse in Seven Brides.

And no-one thanked me for it.

Are you in the entertainment industry?

Well, I am a dancer, yeah.

Are you somebody? Do I know you?

You might have seen me in the West End... perhaps?

We're fine, thank you.

You were a showgirl, a headliner.

You had feathers and stuff.

There's a little more to it than that.

Like?

Like you're not doing it.

You can't stop me. It's my life and I'll make my own decisions.

I'm doing it, and nothing you can say or do will stop me.

-Ooh...could I borrow a fiver for lunch?

-MAX: Fire her?

Who do you think I am, Alan bloody Sugar? She hasn't started yet. And there are laws!

You need a reason to fire somebody.

-How about "she's not well"?

-What? As in contagious or disfiguring?

She goes up and down, she can't control her moods.

Have you seen the other girls? I've got three students and a Yorkshire Pudding.

-I mean, your Carmen's proper class, she's got legs up to tomorrow, bangers like...

-Er! My daughter!

I know. It's a compliment.

What is it with you people? Friends, family, you're all the bloody same.

Coming down here, telling me what's what. Oh, don't open a casino, Max!

Don't hire my daughter, Max! Well, you know what? My business, my rules.

I'm not going to hang around to watch my daughter make the same mistakes I did.

-Fine. I quit!

-You can't quit, you're my Artistic Director.

Always pays to laminate.

-Oh, Em, your mum would have been so proud of you.

-I doubt it.

She didn't believe in marriage. At least not her own.

She was quite fast, weren't she?

I can't blame the Rainbow Warriors any more than I can point my finger at the Wiccans.

It was the swinging that got her in the end.

At least you know that Jason's a Steady Eddie.

I mean, he'd never do anything crazy slash wild.

He'd never be like "film romance", or...

-Dependable.

-Yes, Anne. Quite.

-What time is it?

-Box files.

-What question did I just ask?

-Can you archive your paper at work? I need these box files.

We set the date for a year's time and it can't wait till after breakfast?

You realise the lead time for a wedding is 18 months, according to Best Bride.

And what does "Overwhelmed Groom" have to say?

It says colour code a wall chart or get out from underfoot. Where what did I put that glitter stick?

-See you later, fiancee.

-Love you!

-Bye.

-Yo!

-All right?

My mother's gone completely parentoid, and I'm not even joking.

So, reckon I could get the grand tour in an hour?

What do you want to do with the other 59 minutes?

So, if you're this big time dancer, what are you doing here?

I've been working on my own act, I'm ready to showcase my moves.

I'm going to bring dance to the people.

I seen inside that club. Sugartown might be a step down from the Palladium, is all.

Yeah, well, what would you know about dance, anyway?

God, do you ever feel like you're breathing, but it's not enough?

And if you don't get more air, you'll like,

totally suffocate.

And you see everyone else and they're just fine breathing.

I want to show you something.

Water! Oh no...

a bird?

Belgium. That's where I'm headed.

Bloody hell, this place must be a dump if you want to go there(!)

Just the starting leg. Saving up, aren't I?

-Going to travel the world.

-And do what?

-Odd jobs, whatever.

-That's all you do here, isn't it?

Point is, it won't be here. You think you're the only one that wants to breathe?!

I don't pretend to be an expert, Em, but...

would you really need to wear these on your day of days?

Too High School Musical.

Bad Barbie.

As modelled by Gloria Hunniford.

Oh, Em! You look like Cheryl Cole!

Bag her up.

Why do you want to leave?

I think you've got it mint here.

You must have been totally over- stimulated in the city.

Yeah, well I've got a busy head.

It's nice, it's quiet here.

-Gives me room to think.

-About what?

Like, if you were a gentleman, you'd totally give me your coat.

-If you were a big time dancer, you'd have your own.

-Ha-ha.

Come here.

Wow!

Are they all from here?

You're not the first dancer in Sugartown, you know.

It's incredible!

Regionals, Nationals.

I was meant to come.

I've got to go! Oh, my God!

Bye!

Ah!

Rosemary's baby. I don't think I'm your mum's favourite person at the moment.

Yeah? Don't reckon I'm top ten.

But, listen, because I am psyched about this job, I've been thinking routines. Now, go with me.

Have you seen Chicago? I would need a trapeze.

Yeah, good one.

Right, now normally your mum would do this bit, but we're class not ass, OK?

Anyone gets too frisky, you give a nod to security.

You're here to keep the punters well watered and flashing their cash, but you are my untouchable goddess.

You're not...

You're healthy, right?

-Yeah!

-Yeah?

-See?

-Yes.

Yes, I do.

Er, right...

Girls!

-Britney.

-Hi.

-Celine.

-Hi.

-Mariah.

-You all right?

-Hello.

-Mama Cass.

-Everyone, this is Kylie.

-Oh!

Actually, I'm Carmen.

Not here you're not. Right, costume!

There you go.

-Where's the rest of it?

-Oh!

Your mum was a legend, by the way. Apparently, she used to do this thing with balloons. It was...

Anyway, I've got to shoot, but, um, welcome aboard, Kylie.

Oh!

I tried to stop him.

You may as well take it in.

-Tut, tut, Jason. You've been juggling debt like Billy Barnum.

-What are you doing in my office?

Our office.

Deal was you're a silent partner.

I'd have to be a bloody comatose one to let this go on.

-We've seen through difficult times before, but Dad always said...

-But Daddy Dearest never made a loss, eh?

Someone has been riding in on their white charge card once a month.

-Does Em know you've been paying the staff out of your personal nest egg?

-What do you want, Max?

-What's mine.

I'll be fair. I know you haven't got the cash, so I'll buy you out.

You don't want this factory.

Correct. I do want this building, though.

I've got an investor lined up.

Lick of paint, won't know the place.

-To do what with, exactly?

-Oh, I'm sure I'll think of something.

This factory means the world to this community.

They've even named the sodding town after it, for God's sake!

Not much you can do about it, as it turns out.

I had my lawyers look over Dad's will.

Interesting reading.

Should have done it years ago.

It's all there.

Watertight as a duck's behind.

You know,

you'll thank me for this one day, J.

I'll give you a shout out when I've got all the details sorted with my backer, all right?

What about this one?

Six for flavour, eight for appearance.

And that one?

Oh, I don't know, I haven't got that one.

-Anne!

-Sorry.

I need you to be my eyes and ears. You have to concentrate.

-It's just we've been here for nearly an hour and a half and...

-You expect me to score my own marzipan?

-Afternoon.

-Max, hello!

Em, look, it's Max!

-What do you want?

-Oh, no, just saying hi. I like what you've done with your hair, Anne. A new look?

No, it is not new. She's had it the same, with the...

Since second year infants, as you well know.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go and see my fiance.

You and Jason need to work on your welcomes.

Wedding cake, mmm.

Uh huh, not my flavour.

A grand!

-For a cake?

-Oh, don't you start.

I've already had Anne going emotionally AWOL.

That's how much these things cost.

-For a cake!

-The premium cake comes with a discount on sugared almonds.

-Emily, I make these!

-But not with the right ribbon.

-Weddings take pinpoint planning. You can't just cater for 500 without...

-500?!

-Is there anybody in Yorkshire you're not planning on inviting?

-Jason,

if you had a problem, you would tell me, wouldn't you?

-I could help.

-What, Emily to the rescue?

-Not everything in life can be sorted with a glitter stick.

-Jason!

For God sake's, Emily, how much money have you wasted?

We'll just forget the whole thing, shall we? Engagement, wedding, feel good factor for the town?

I reckon that's the first sane thing you've said so far.

It was you who proposed. Yesterday!

-Before I realised I'd be getting hitched to bride bloody zilla!

-Oh, no, not that one! No, Jase!

No!

No, no, no, no!

Maybe you're right. We shouldn't be getting married if you can't even talk to me!

Talk to me! Please?

Look, I didn't want you to find out like this.

Actually, I didn't want you to find out at all.

What? That all this time you were just a waitress? A kitten!

Actually, I was a bunny.

My whole life I wanted to be like you.

I thought you were a proper dancer.

I was! With a child to support!

Oh, so you only did it because you got knocked up with me?

What can I say? It was worth it knowing how grateful you'd be. No, you're not going back!

Yes! I've got to practise carrying a tray in heels.

I'm not proud of what I did, Carmen, but I'm not ashamed either.

If I'd kept dancing, it would have meant dragging you round the country, and you not being well...

Yeah, I know I was a burden.

Not what I was going to say.

Look, you could make it.

You could go all the way.

I just don't want you giving up your dream up like...

Did you tell Max I was crackers?

No!

I mentioned you had a few problems that meant...

Meant I screw up everything I do.

Least I know where I get it from now.

So, will she live, doc?

Er, heating element's blown. I'll need to call the engineer.

Have you switched it on and off again?

I just said it needs the engineer.

-Right, home time.

-What?

-We're not going to get anything else done today. Everybody out!

But the Bognor order? If we all pitched in...

For Christ's sake, Margery, do I have to get a bloody eviction notice? I said out! Everybody out!

You heard the man.

And that little display was because...?

-Max is threatening to take his share.

-What?

Well, that's preposterous. It would close down the factory.

I think that's the general idea.

It's here in black and white.

Dad may have made me manager, but when you read the small print

the actual ownership is, "to be divided equally between my sons".

-Sons?

-Equally.

-Sons.

-Yeah You're kind of focusing on the wrong bit, Margery.

I'll call the engineer.

More expense. Maybe I should just lob myself into a vat of molten rock, too, eh?

Yeah, that's the spirit.

KNOCKING

What did you say to Jason?

Emily, how nice. Do come in.

Something's changed, and it was after he saw you.

-Well, he's your blushing husband to be, ask him.

-I'm asking you.

-Tell me, you actually want to marry Captain Sensible?

-Of course I do!

Though after seeing you, he threw my wedding dress into a vat of molten rock.

So, some might say the wedding's looking a little less likely now.

Well, tell you what, why don't we let fate decide, eh?

Black you marry him.

Red you marry me.

Everything's just a game to you, isn't it?

Who cares if you break a heart or two along the way.

Oh, wow, broken heart! Sounds serious.

I, um...

I should tell you, Ems,

the house always wins...in the end.

Sorry, Mr Burr.

Are you sure there are no other ears? I'm very wonky.

-Have you got it?

-Put it down to you...

Em! Emily?

Steady. Steady.

M-A-X-X-X? Is that how he spells his name now?

Why didn't you Twitter the Business Taskforce?

I thought he had a complex. I knew nothing about...

The short of it is, my hands are tied in a legal loophole.

Just putting it out there, but is it such a bad idea?

You know, tourism's down and the kids leave soonest they can.

-Maybe we do need a booster.

-But what if dice means vice.

Who knows what kind of clientele he'll attract.

Predators wanting to groom me... Us!

-And if we don't like it, we don't go, right? And we had we bingo back in...

-'83.

But the callers didn't have ears, did they? I mean, ears, Michael, ears!

Are you all right, Margery? You seem a bit fraught.

I'm perfectly fine. I'm just saying that I have known Max, man and boy, and he has expansionist tendencies.

No, we haven't seen the run of it.

Well, what's he going to do? Stage a coup at the next Taskforce meeting?

Hostile takeover the whole town with his crack team of kittens?!

-We should have Jason here for this.

-He's got other concerns.

-Possibly.

-What?

Well, I'm not sure Jason would want me to divulge this, but...

..Max wants the factory.

Or, rather, he wants the building of the factory, not the factory.

And it seems he can get it, too.

Something to do with Burt's will.

-What about...

-Don't ask me why because I don't know.

And I also know absolutely no way of stopping him, so you can all stop

-looking at me like that.

-< There might be one way.

-Max has a guy, some big venture capitalist, coming today.

-From London?

No, Sheffield. But, apparently, his mum came from here, or some sort of family tie,

so he's serious about investing in the town.

Now, hey, look, none of my business, but I do know Max has got big plans

and he needs this guy to see them through. So, if I were you...

..I'd maybe take matters into your own hands.

What, like, torch the club?

Thinking more along the lines of letting this guy know you're not behind Max.

No-one wants to put their money where it's not wanted.

Direct action!

-Am I late?

-For Woodstock? By about 40 years.

OK people, come on, let's organise.

-I've raided my stash.

-Thanks, Ron.

-Come on, Michael.

-Michael! No!

No, sorry, that's my spot.

Does it really matter?

I said, that's my spot!

Yes.

-Yes?

-Yes. Maybe.

Look, Max, don't get me wrong, I have roots here, deep ones, 20 generations.

But the town wasn't even on my sat nav.

Green, beach, sea. Not a bloody dot.

The seaside's coming back, Ken.

I'm looking for a ground floor investor who, like me, sees Sugartown as a blank canvas.

A blank, and as yet undeveloped, dirt cheap, Georgian frontaged canvas with good transport links.

But will they come?

You know what they say, if we build it.

HARMONICA PLAYS

-And I ask again, "Would anyone like to swap?"

-Tea time!

Seriously, if you think I'm spending the next week listening to Ron "Blowing in the Wind"...

Max Burr! I stand a disappointed man.

I mean, kittens! I can't fit that square peg into my feminist hole.

-Here!

-Well said, Ron!

-Yeah.

-Well, when our Mayor's finished burning his bra?

-Mayor?

-Of Toy Town, Ken.

-Well, hang on!

I need to factor in local opinion, Max.

All right, what's your point?

That we'd like to make you...

A counter offer?

We have rock, AKA, a USP.

We're family friendly, and I say that in an inclusive to alternative lifestyles sense.

Let me stir-fry something in your think wok, Ken.

One word, "staycations".

I know I'm watching my carbon footprints in the sand.

Folk are holidaying at home again.

At the moment, they're not doing it here.

But if we could restore the rock factory back to its former glory.

Can you build a town on rock alone?

It would be a tourist attraction!

Sweet treat theme park.

I'd need to know that there's plenty of tourist "sugar" in rock.

-Flesh it out and I'll consider.

-We have lots of good ideas!

We have no ideas.

-I'm sorry.

-You should have told me, Jason.

What, that you'd be marrying a failure? All those folks were counting on me for their jobs.

Mum and Dad got married at a love-in and look where it got them.

So I'd had this big idea.

A perfect wedding. Start as you mean to go on.

All that matters is not that one day,

it's all the ones after it.

I want to be your wife, Jason Burr.

You are very dependable.

No-one'll take this lying down. We are going to fight for this factory.

-This is for me to sort.

-But you're not on your own!

Besides, we've all just had a meeting with Max's investor.

You've just had a meeting about the factory without me?

Like a pre-meeting. He was really interested, actually.

Yeah, I bet he bloody was! How do you know he's not going to go and tell Max all?

We're trying to help. We've said we'll put a presentation together.

This could save the factory, Jason!

Don't bother. Max was right, rock is dead.

All right, so what do we have?

An ageing population and a fading sense of hope.

I'm sorry,

he just won't budge.

What we're looking for is something that makes Sugartown special.

A rare species of puffin, some indication that someone important once came here, even if by accident.

Well, this is the place for it. I mean, anything that's important

to the town's past that nobody's actually interested in is stored here.

Didn't we have a famous murderer? The Flamborough Flayer?

I think he came from Flamborough, as is evidenced by his name, The Flamborough Flayer.

God, nothing good ever happens in Sugartown!

Fish! We've got fish!

I don't think we have a monopoly on the bounty of the sea, Anne.

Let's start looking, shall we?

I remember when you said, "Dad, I'm going to beauty school".

And I said, "Anything you want to do, Princess, is fine by me,

"though I don't hold with it myself, as the pursuit of a feminine ideal - reinforces gender stereotypes."

And you said,

"I don't need beauty school to make me a stereotype". And I said, "Fine."

And it was, for me and your mum.

Be it whatever,

the white witchery, ritual paganism,

Black Panthers.

If you love them,

you have to let them get there in their own time.

He'll come round.

Maybe Max will, too.

METALLIC CLANKING

This is all very well, but how precisely is this going to move us forward?

-Oooh!

-Don't.

-No, this one is good!

-No.

-But you're a dancer.

-No, I was a dancer.

Different lifetime.

And there are hundreds more, just like this one, all won by Sugartown.

Of course, it was before my time.

Yes, and mine.

I'm future facing as a rule and, hat's off, Blackpool play the long game, but going back,

it seems Sugartown used to be the centre for dance, and I'm talking famous.

Yeah, they used to came from all over for a whirl on the pier.

-So I'm told.

-We need to convince this Ken that Sugartown's past is worth holding on to.

Along with rock, it turns out dance is the one thing that put this town on the map.

Look, Max wants to change this town.

We just want to hold on to what it's always been about.

So, we were thinking, we could put on a presentation.

A gala night to impress this Ken. It could be it could save the factory.

Look, we're none of us hotsteppers, so we'd need professional guidance.

Sorry, guys, I learnt long ago, don't get involved.

Oh, isn't your daughter somebody! Couldn't she get involved?

We'd need a space big enough to move around a bit.

I'll get my truss out!

So, have any of you got any experience?

-I can mash potato.

-He can mash potato.

-But can you do the Twist?

Er, no, no. Sorry, I can't do that. Sciatica.

I did a bit of disco at school. I'm not saying I was pro level, but...

Disco, right. Well, working on that vast experience base, Anne,

CD Two, please?

We'll try a bit of freestyle, give me an impression of how you move.

DISCO MUSIC PLAYS

Right! Let's get started.

MUSIC: "Disco Inferno" by The Trammps

# Burn baby burn

# Burn baby burn

# Burn baby burn

# To my surprise

# 100 storeys high

# People getting loose y'all

# Getting down on the roof

# I tell ya the folks were screaming. #

14 red.

COOL JAZZY MUSIC

# Secrets I hide in me deep down inside of me

# I keep them I keep them at bay ay ay

# No-one will ever know... # Liam, two glasses, one bottle.

Listen up, I've got a VIP in tonight, all right?

-I want you to make him feel special. Give him a bit of a chat, a drink or two.

-I don't drink.

-It's on the house.

-I don't drink.

-Well, all right, do you chat?

-Maybe.

-Right.

OK, I just want you to be my hostess with the mostess, all right?

You'll be doing me a real favour, all right? OK, off you pop.

I need something to change for me.

-Here we go.

-Ken, I brought you a lucky charm.

Look after you for the evening.

Lovely.

Hello, my love.

Let's play, shall we?

Yes.

# ..Farewell you gentlemen goodbye my mental friends

# You hear what I'm sayin'...? #

-Yahoo! Ha-ha! Ho!

-Wow!

-Get in! Lovely!

-Let's be having you.

# ..I'm going to bury my troubles away

# I'm going to bury my troubles away

-# I'm going to bury my troubles... #

-More champagne over here, please!

-# ..Away! #

-That's 13. Come on!

In a minute, love.

Kittens rule!

-I tell you what. We are on a roll, Kylie.

-All right!

-Ladies and gentlemen, place your bets.

Mm, I got a really good feeling on evens. Double or nothing?

-What? No! Don't put it all on! What are you doing?

-No more bets.

Ooh! Ooh!

Nine red, odd.

Whoopsies.

That was 20 sodding thou'!

I'm not really a kitten.

-Carmen! Down.

-I'm not really a Kylie.

-What the hell kind of scam are you running? I want my money back.

-All right. Ken I'm sure...

-You running a scam?

-Yeah, course he is.

-I want my money back, if so.

No, no, no, no, no, no! No scam, all right? No scam. This gentleman's just chancing it, all right? No scam.

You have my word, OK?

This isn't over, Burr.

You're nuts, aren't you, eh? That's why Sam was so worried about you. Total bonkers crazy woman.

Get out!

Oi, Kylie!

Come here!

Carmen!

Carmen!

Carmen, what are you doing?

-Be back in a second.

-No! You don't understand, you're going too fast!

-Yep!

OK, I'm going a little too fast!

-Carmen, stay away from the beach! Use the brakes, use the brakes!

-Can't find them.

-Agh! Argh!

-SHE SCREAMS

I'm in the sea! Travis!

-Oh, my God, I don't want to die.

-You're not going to die, come on.

-I can't swim!

-You can, but...

-I can't swim!

-Salt causes...

Whoo! Travis!

-You'll be fine, it's not deep.

-Take my hand!

-You've got to stand up!

-I can stand!

I've got you.

I'm so sorry.

What? I've just had a near death experience.

Yeah, I reckon you might be having another one soon.

It's healthy!

Look, salad!

I'm sorry for almost killing you and for drowning your bike.

-Rickshaw.

-Rickshaw.

It's just, I have this thing.

Like, I do crazy stuff.

I'm meant to take these pills.

Basically, I'm crackers.

I've ruined your career, haven't I?

-Have you got a spare rickshaw?

-Not on me.

I'm so sorry.

It wasn't a career.

Least I'll have to sort myself out now, work out what I'm going to do.

You're welcome?

Oh, don't.

Um, I've got eggy breath.

MURMUR OF IMAGINED VOICES IN BACKGROUND

Oh, sorry.

Nice necklace.

From a girlfriend?

No.

It's from my mum.

-What?

-No, I think it's nice that a grown man is that close to his mum.

I'm not.

I was adopted. The necklace was all they said she'd left me.

You mean...

you don't know who she is?

So she could be, like, someone important or famous? That's brilliant.

-Oh, and at the same time, very, very sad.

-Not really.

I mean, she obviously couldn't care less, and neither do I.

And yet you wear the necklace?

I'm not being funny, but I've got to get going.

Oh, of course, what are we doing today?

I am going to go find work.

You should go back to your mum, who's probably doing her nut in with worry.

-She never bought me one half of a necklace.

-But she was there, wasn't she?

Side, and little less than we planned.

Come on, we've still got two hours practice before tonight. Side, side. Emily, would you just take over?

Keep going, keep going.

-Where the hell have you been?

-Losing another job.

Congratulations.

What happened?

I didn't like it. I'm fine.

I'm totally rubbish, aren't I?

What am I good for? No-one gets me.

-I don't get you.

-Yeah, but you tolerate me.

-I have to, you're family.

Thanks for not saying "I told you so".

Well, you can pay me back by doing one thing.

Come to the gala tonight.

OK, but I'm not going there with the dance thing any more, so...

-don't even try and get my groove back or anything.

-Fine.

-Are you OK?

You look...glowy.

Think I might have got my groove back.

I don't reckon you'll impress some big investor bloke here.

Use the factory. My dispatch is all still done up after our "do".

Give this Ken a better clue about what we're fighting for.

Give him that sweet taste of what Sugartown's all about, yeah?

Ladies and Gentlemen, Ron Shirley, our mayor.

APPLAUSE

Tonight we celebrate all the pick and mix flavours of our beloved rock factory.

My mum's an amazing dancer and I'm not even joking.

-They gave her a trophy and everything.

-I don't do civic pride.

Yeah, you're pale and interesting. Get over yourself.

As you probably know, Sugartown once had quite a reputation for dance and we are going to regenerate

that tradition with a little number that tells the 200 year story of this factory.

In under five minutes.

-Bloody hell, it's Bertie Bassett!

-Lights, please.

# We built this city

# We built this city on rock'n'roll

# We built this city

# We built this city on rock'n'roll

# Say you don't know me

# Or recognise my face... #

ELECTRICITY POWERS DOWN AUDIENCE GROANS

-Just keep dancing!

-To what? There's no beat!

-Where's the lights?

This is ridiculous.

Don't do that, you'll look stupid.

What's going on?

TAPS FEET, SNAPS FINGERS

SNAPPING FINGERS

PACEY MUSIC WITH DRIVING BEAT

# All I want is to

# Dance with you

# Not make love yeah although it would be cool

# Get yourself ready and looking out of sight

# Make sure you're at the party Only want to see you

# Dancing on the floor tonight

# Tell me what it's all about Come on and jump

# Baby get your hands up Swing it to the north and south

# Come on and jump

# Tell me what it's all about Come on and jump

# Baby throw your hands up Swing them to the north and south

# Come on and jump Get your arms out

# Tell me what it's all about Everybody scream and shout. #

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

All right, you know a little bit about dance.

Now I know why rock stars go on crazy fuelled binges after burning up the stage with an awesome gig.

-I'm just wired!

-I thought you really got your freak on.

-What? I watch MTV.

-Yeah, well, not much else to do round here, is there?

Ron, disengage yourself from the lad and let him breathe.

Now, have you had a plate?

Oh, I'm so sorry. Not the prawns!

Let me help you with your... Here we go.

What is it with you?

Say your brother isn't behind this scheme.

No! Absolutely not.

I loved the retro nostalgia angle with the old time sweets.

I remember when Burrs was numero uno.

-Cuanto costa?

-Well, we're keen to take the factory forward.

We want to be, "numero uno" again. The problem is at the minute, it's a cash flow issue.

Well, perhaps I can sort you out a sticky tape till we talk terms.

-Burt Burrs Butter Bang Bangs. Loved 'em.

Oh, wonderful!

Max!

Kylie!

You have got to be joking me!

What the hell is this town, anyway?

-Excuse me!

-Who the hell's Kylie?

Bye, bye, Burrs.

I'm really, really sorry.

And after all your hard work with the sweets,

and the history of the sweets and the old ways of making of the sweets

and you being the sweets.

I learnt a lot about sweets.

I'm sorry I never had a Butter Bang Bang.

Carmen's right.

Even Ken said it.

Well, the history this factory's got and dance has shown us the way.

We should be looking back on our glorious past, not forwards.

And we don't need this Ken's money to use what we've already got,

all our old favourites from back in Burrs' glory days!

Like a nostalgia range?

Well, if you like it, you know?

I mean, if you think it's a good idea.

I don't know what to say.

And I mean I REALLY don't know what to say!

Carmen did some really excellent blue sky thinking.

She said we're relaunching Burrs, why not Sugartown's Dance Academy, too!

Bringing dance to the people.

Oh, you'll want to be staying, won't you, if we're going to be promoting Sugartown as a dance Mecca?

I've already bought the legwarmers.

Fab! Yes!

Yes! All right!

# If I had a million dollars or ten

# I'd give it to you world and then

# Go away and let me spend my life in shoo shoo shoo

# Shoo shoo shoo shoo-shoo shoo-shoo shoo-shoo Sugartown

# Shoo shoo shoo-shoo Sugartown. #