Episode 4 The Guess List

APPLAUSE

Hello!

Hello.

Hello, everybody, good evening and welcome to the show.

Classic Saturday night television.

The glamour of Strictly, the drama of Atlantis

and five guests who could easily pass for monsters on Doctor Who.

And here they are!

Strictly speaking, it's Tess Daly.

APPLAUSE

She's very good news, it's Kate Silverton.

APPLAUSE

Actor, author, TV presenter and all-round show off,

-David Walliams.

-APPLAUSE

From Westlife to a bug's life, jungle sensation Kian Egan.

APPLAUSE

Mwah. Mwah.

And it's hello from him, the mighty Ronnie Corbett!

CHEERING

Thank you!

Good evening, sir. Good evening.

Please.

Well, how about that?

Eh? There they are, our panel.

Five of the country's brightest stars.

Well, four and a half.

We've got veterans of show business, we've got young delinquents.

-Kian Egan.

-Yes?

AUDIENCE: Woo! WOLF WHISTLES

It's not a proper name, is it, really?

It's nether Ian nor Ken.

Would you mind if I called you Ian? It's just easier.

I WOULD mind - it's not my name!

If you're having trouble remembering it,

just put a key in the door - Kian. There you go.

-All right.

-I've given myself something bad there, haven't I?

He's going to call me Key In The Door all night.

I'm going to call you Lock.

-Now, Kate Silverton.

-Hello.

-Looking absolutely radiant and lovely.

It helps, sitting next to David Walliams.

How could you fail to look good?

But, Kate, you are one of the country's most -

and I say this sincerely - respected newsreaders.

There's a picture in the combat zone -

look at that!

-Look at that.

-AUDIENCE CHEERS

I've always wondered what happens if you do press?

LAUGHTER

David Walliams is here.

APPLAUSE

Now, what you may not know about David

is he's a comedian. No!

What you may not know, David won GQ's most stylish dresser award.

-So, congratulations on that.

-Thank you very much.

Congratulations.

You know, all the more impressive

when you think of your shape. And I don't mean that... No, no!

No, no, no. I am not being...

You are what my mother would call a lump.

-Now, you don't...

-LAUGHTER

-But you're big, aren't you?

-I'm sort of shapeLESS, in a way.

-In a way.

-I have to be sort of poured into a suit. Don't I?

Now, you're married to a supermodel,

so obviously, for you, life is peachy.

But you chose her over me, which I think is a bit hurtful.

-You do have bigger breasts.

-Thank you.

-Tess Daly.

-Ooh!

-Hello!

-Sexy Tess Daly.

-Whoo!

-Yes.

APPLAUSE

He's suave.

Means a lot from you.

Sexy Tess Daly.

STD for short.

Listen, now. I want to say,

would you agree you and I have a chemistry?

LAUGHTER

Would you agree, you and I have -

-there's a little something.

-I'm looking at you,

-I'm feeling it right now.

-Thank you very much.

A little something. Just a little something.

From this distance, as well, is quite impressive.

But may I say, the facial resemblance - can you see?

There is...

Well, look - Tess, I'll be very honest with you.

I'm not a great dancer.

I can shuffle through a tap routine, you know.

And I'm not very good with the autocue.

So, when you think about it, I'd be perfect.

Here we are, a hero and a friend - Ronnie Corbett.

APPLAUSE

-And I can genuinely say, Ron, a real friend of mine.

-Yes.

We have played golf together.

Yes, we did. Yeah.

-I played golf yesterday.

-Mm?

-Nine holes.

Played five, fell down four.

LAUGHTER

They're tried and tested!

Have you been busy? What have you been up to?

Erm, what have I been up to?

Been out lately? Doing any after dinner speaking?

Oh, how funny!

Funny you should...!

Funny you should mention that.

It's almost like the cue for a joke, isn't it?

Two nights ago I did an after dinner at the Inn on the Park,

and I came out of the hotel a little bit of a state,

up a one-way street the wrong way, straight through the lights,

hit the back of a bus, straight across Berkeley Square,

ended up in Selfridges window.

I thought, "Thank God I'm not in the car."

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Ladies and gentlemen, your Saturday night panel!

Thank you for that!

Let's meet our contestants.

Oh, now, here they are.

-Playing tonight in fierce competition...

-Yes.

..it's James and Jan. Give them a round of applause.

APPLAUSE

James, I'm going to start with you. Tell us a little bit about yourself.

Where are you from?

Hi, Rob. I'm James, I'm from Newcastle.

I'm 37 and I'm a married father-of-two.

What about hobbies? What do you do in your spare time?

Well, I decided to take up ghost hunting.

Ghost hunting?

Hunting for ghosts. That's right.

-You go out to haunted places looking for ghosts.

-I do.

So when did you see your first one?

-Talk us through it, what did you see?

-Well...

What tends to happen is you go to a haunted castle

and you switch the lights out,

so I didn't actually see anything, it was too dark.

LAUGHTER

I would've thought, to ghost hunt, you'd have to have an experience

with something a bit odd, and that would spur you on.

Well, yeah, there was one experience - I was in jail...

-Er, jail? Sorry...

-LAUGHTER

Yeah, OK, OK.

Have we done the full checks on these people?

Why were you in jail?

I mean - sorry, I was in Jedburgh Jail.

-Still a jail.

-LAUGHTER

I was doing an investigation there.

-And so...

-Into what?

-To try and hunt for some ghosts.

So this is an old jail that's now closed down.

-It's a 14th-century jail in Jedburgh.

-I see.

So we went there for the night and we got locked in.

We were in a cell,

and one of the girls, for some reason,

started crying uncontrollably.

Which was a bit odd. At first I thought it was funny, until then...

LAUGHTER

That's a nice quality in a man, isn't it?

-GEORDIE ACCENT:

-"Ho, ho! She's crying her eyes out.

"Oh, I love to see them suffer."

But then, I don't know why,

I got the urge, then, to start swearing at her.

We must do more thorough checks!

I'd like to talk to Jan now.

-Jan, how are you?

-I'm fine, thank you.

You look lovely tonight, and it's lovely that you're here.

-I like a bit of glitter.

-Where are you from?

-I'm from Stoke-on-Trent.

-Oh, Robbie Williams country, yes.

-Yes, yes.

-Lovely.

-And retired now.

-I'm a retired hairdresser.

-Ooh! Jan's Unisex.

-That's it, that's me.

Not a statement, that was the name...

LAUGHTER

-Did it go well there?

-It did, yes.

I did it for 35 years and loved every minute of it.

And you offered all sorts of services,

although you came a bit of a cropper once...

-LAUGHTER

-No, no. No, no, no.

Who the heck have we let in tonight?!

It was mostly, you know, cut and blow dries,

-you know, the usual thing.

-Mm.

When I started hairdressing, ladies in the week would come in

and just have a little touch-up, you see.

David.

David, not a single word from you, OK?

So I put in the window, "Tonging 50p."

Right, right.

But I spelt "tonging" wrong.

You spelt it "tonguing".

Yes.

Well, I tell you what, if it was that, it's bloody reasonable!

Oh... Well, listen, it's lovely that you're here,

you're very welcome, I hope you're going to enjoy it.

Now, let me explain to you what we're going to do, OK?

I'm going to ask you questions about life in the UK.

Our panel of glittering celebrities are going to try and come up

with what they think is the answer -

they're going to write it down on their pads, OK?

You can use that as a guideline -

-you don't have to go with one of theirs.

-Right.

-You can go your own way if you want to.

-Yes.

Whoever does the best out of the two of you will go on

-to play for a lovely prize. OK?

-Fine.

All you have to do - it's very simple -

listen to the question, write down what you think the answer is.

We're starting with Jan.

-Let's take a look at your question.

-OK.

David Walliams.

LAUGHTER

Get writing.

Everybody should be writing down at this point, by the way.

-Right, including me?

-It's not a difficult format.

You're slightly putting me off.

Well, don't worry, I'm not threatening.

-Just write...

-Could you slightly massage me as I do it?

-Yes, of course.

-Thank you.

-There we are.

Mmm... Ah!

That's actually very good.

-I am good at this, actually.

-You actually are...

I do think, you know, if I wasn't a sex symbol,

this is what I'd be doing.

Lovely Tess Daly, beautiful Tess...

-And you are beautiful, you're gorgeous.

-Oh, you! What do you want?

-No, I was going to say...

-You're being way too nice to me.

You're no Claudia Schiffer, but you are...

-LAUGHTER

-No, no, no.

You're not a supermodel but you're very beautiful.

I could see you manning a cosmetics counter.

No. I don't mean Boots.

I mean...House of Fraser, somewhere like that.

-High-end.

-Upmarket, yes.

-Thank you.

Yes. The question is, according to a recent survey,

what most annoys the British public?

-Just write it down at your leisure.

-RONNIE: Oh, dear.

When I say at your leisure, I mean now.

-MIMICS RONNIE CORBETT:

-"Er... Ronnie Corbett deciding

"what to write here."

You have a look, I'll do your thoughts for you, Ron.

-OK, you have a look.

-Right.

-"I wonder what I'm going to put down

"for this one now.

"I mean, I've had a wonderful evening so...

"Oh, I'm going to suck my thumb for a bit, very tasty, yes.

"What's that - ooh, I might taste it again, actually.

"I might have another suck.

"Ooh, bit of marmite. Lovely, very nice.

"I must say, that Rob Brydon is looking more handsome,

"more dynamic, every time I see him."

-So good.

-"So good."

-So fluent.

"So, now, who's doing the bloody talking, me or you?"

-Would you like me to write it for you?

-Yes.

All right, all right. Let me write it.

The people who are just tuning in,

they're going to think this is a very peculiar

adult education programme, aren't they?

-There we are, Mr Corbett.

-Very good.

I'll be back at the same time next week.

All right, so, let's take a look at some answers.

And Tess Daly says...

-Bad manners... Quince...?

-Queue jumping.

-Queue jumping.

-Queue jumping.

-Queue jumping

Yes.

Well done. Very good.

Ronnie, what has Ronnie said most annoys the British public?

What came into his mind, how could he ever have thought of this?

He says...

-Litter. It's the best I could come up with.

-Yes. Very good.

-Now, you, Kian, you went all the way to Australia...

-I did.

..for I'm A Celebrity. Had to eat disgusting things.

Cockroaches, fish eyes, kangaroo bits.

It's the last time you'll fly with a budget airline, isn't it?

-Well, I'll tell you now, I voted for you.

-Oh, thanks!

-I did.

I wanted to keep you out there for as long as possible.

Now, then, Kian, what most annoys the British public?

Politicians.

And a lovely cheeky face.

Nice cheeky face.

Oh, now, look, you see, we're getting somewhere here,

because look what Kate has put.

Kate Silverton says...

politicians or people dropping litter.

Worst-case scenario, a politician dropping litter.

HE CHUCKLES

Right, here we go.

What most annoys the British public? And David Walliams says...

LAUGHTER

You get asked things like that all the time.

Yes, all right. Let's put all those answers in together, now.

Let's have a look at your guess list.

-Now, Jan.

-Yes. I need this point.

You don't have to go with any of those.

They're all good, they came into my mind.

What are you going to say, Jan?

Well... You see, I was thinking telephone people ringing, you know,

-on the phone.

-Ugh!

-Cold callers!

-APPLAUSE

-Cold callers. Oh, dear me.

Yeah.

Er...

I think I'm going to go with me own, I think.

-Yeah?

-I think...

-The cold callers.

-All right, let's see if you're right.

-Yeah.

What most annoys the British public? The answer is...

-ALL:

-Ooh.

-Yes!

-Oh, Jan!

Jan!

Queue jumping!

What on earth were you doing, woman?

-I don't know!

-It was up there.

-I know.

-The point could've been yours.

-I know.

-I tell you what,

-you should really just go with whatever Tess says.

-Right.

Jan, you're wrong. No points, I'm afraid.

-I know you're retired...

-Yes.

..but you still do something with your time, don't you?

A rather curious little sideline.

Well, yes, I do sort of kissagrams for OAPs.

LAUGHTER

Let's just take a moment to digest that.

But they're special, though, aren't they?

-Because there's a special ingredient.

-Yes, well, erm...

-I do it for charity, I don't get paid.

-Yes.

I don't think it would work as a viable business, I have to say.

I write a little poem about the person that I like.

Well, a little bird has told me you've got a little poem here.

-I have.

-Because you have the hots...

-Yes.

-..for somebody in this room tonight.

-I do.

-Far be it for me to say, a comic great who's loved by many.

-Yes.

-Very true.

-OK, who is it?

It's Ronnie.

-And you've written a poem for him.

-I have.

Ronnie, Jan has written you a poem.

-Oh, how lovely.

-Would you like to hear it?

-I would love to hear it.

-We'd all love to hear it.

Ronnie, you're so cute, like me.

LAUGHTER

This meeting today was meant to be.

You're so funny and so witty...

I am cute and oh so pretty.

Oh, we'd make a perfect pair...

-Can I just say, Jan?

-Yes?

-Speed it up, love.

I mean, I've seen shorter plays at the National Theatre.

What was the last line?

-Oh, we'd make a perfect pair...

-Ohh.

Come on a date if you dare.

Just one last thing I have to say.

Meeting a legend has made my day.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Oh! It's a standing ovation.

-Thank you.

-Very sweet.

-Ahh.

Now, you've been single for a while now, haven't you?

-I've been single for 14 years.

-Ohh. It's hard to believe.

-I know.

I mean, what I would say is, cut the poetry.

LAUGHTER

-Yeah.

-And in that time, you've had a few dates.

How many dates have you had?

Over 400.

LAUGHTER

-Over 400 dates.

-Dates, yeah.

So many, I'm told it can be quite tricky

to keep track of all these men.

Well, the problem is, I talk to them on the internet,

-and I forget to write it down - who I've spoke to.

-Yes.

So if I'm getting on well with them,

I give them me phone number, you see?

And then they ring me, but I don't know which one's ringing me.

Cos you've got a few on the go at the same time.

Yeah, they might say, "This is John."

Well, there might be ten Johns.

We have a word for you in Wales!

But I get very confused.

Well, trim down the numbers, woman!

-It's just chatting. You just chat with them on the Internet?

-Oh, we chat, yes.

-There's nothing untoward?

-Well, I do have a coffee.

For the date. I got so fed up of wasting five days -

-I didn't do Saturday and Sunday.

-No, no.

-So I did five in one day.

Five men in one day!

I started at ten o'clock and I was home at three!

Because as soon as I see them sitting there,

I just want to go home straight away.

-Because they don't live up to your expectations?

-No.

All right, well, look, I've enjoyed the last hour or so

chatting with you but we really do have to get on with the show

if it's all right with you, so thank you for that, Jan.

Fascinating stuff!

OK, James, here is your question.

-Celebrities, start writing.

-David is in straight away!

David was like, wa-hey!

LAUGHTER

I have an arrangement, Mrs Brydon and I, we've each got a free pass.

One free pass.

If Keira Knightley should never make herself available to me

for one night of passion, I'm allowed it.

My wife has said, for her,

it's Dave from work.

LAUGHTER

Tess, before making your millions,

you originally wanted to be a nurse, didn't you?

Well, I did and then I realised I had an irrational fear of blood.

Not good for a nurse. Mind you, I've watched Strictly.

I think the way you are there with Bruce,

you've kind of achieved your ambition, haven't you?

LAUGHTER

All right, let's take a look at what Tess said.

Tess said:

Sellotape their mouth shut!

Ronnie, beavering away there.

You and Anne have been together now for almost 50 years?

Oh, 50 years, yes, and it's been lovely forever.

A happy marriage.

-Fantastic.

-Isn't that nice? 50 years.

APPLAUSE

When we first met of course,

when we were at the...which was Danny La Rue's,

the, er... it wasn't called Danny's then.

It was Winston's, wasn't it? Yes, the club.

If you want to sit here and I...

I wouldn't mind, it would be easier, wouldn't it?

Come on, you go up there. I'll sit here.

-You stand there, I'll sit here.

-Yes, and you worked in the nightclub?

IN RONNIE'S VOICE: Well, I started out working...

I worked at Winston's nightclub with Danny La Rue,

that's where I was originally.

I'm doing Ronnie Corbett!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

All right, the question is: In a recent survey,

what did 20% of men say they would do to their partner

if they could get away with it? And Ronnie Corbett says...

Leave wet towels everywhere.

It's a very modest ambition, Ron, but, er... Kian,

Ken!

You're a charmer.

You could get away with anything, get away with murder.

I think it's fair to say Westlife have murdered a few songs in their time!

Where were you, David?

Where were you when your friend, hanging off a cliff...

-I was way over here!

-You didn't even try to save me, did you?

My mother was right about you!

Kian Egan, you were a heartthrob once, weren't you?

AUDIENCE: Awwww!

-No, you were in a boy band.

-I was in a boy band.

WHISTLE FROM AUDIENCE

Yes, I think that was for me!

Kian says...

Stay in the pub.

Stay in the pub. All right!

So, what's Kate Silverton thinking?

She's given us her answer -

change their sense of humour.

That's an interesting one, OK, that's interesting.

Look what he's written.

David says:

You can get... You can get the Simon Cowell mask.

So, let's see all the answers together.

There we are, that's your guess list.

Are you going to go with any of those?

Or are you going to choose your own? What do you think?

-Well, Rob, there's some really good answers.

-Thank you!

-Really?!

I was tempted to go with my own

-but I have to say I'm not one of those 20%.

-Right, OK.

That's to trade them in for a younger model.

AUDIENCE: Ooooh!

Let's have a look. What would men do to their partner

if they could get away with it? The answer is...

Track them using GPS?!

What a bizarre answer.

At any one time, I know exactly where my wife is.

She's living in Manchester with her fitness instructor!

James, wrong, I'm afraid. No points for you. Jan, come on now, Jan.

-Right.

-Pull your finger out here, let's do it.

Celebrity question time and yours, you'll be pleased to hear,

is from Ronnie.

IN RONNIE'S VOICE: I wonder what this is going to be.

Ah! When I was a young lad, my Aunt Nell

paid two guineas for me to do what kind of course?

Oh! When he was a young lad, Ronnie Corbett's Aunt Nell

paid two guineas for him to do some kind of a course.

Celebrities, start writing your answers down.

I signed up for a course in how to spot consumer fraud.

It cost £5,000, the teacher never turned up!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

You just wait now, Ron, you wait while we all wonder what this is.

-Right.

-Kian, I heard a lovely story about you.

This is a lovely story about Kian. There was somebody... This is true, isn't it?

Somebody who was in a coma in hospital, and they were played

some Westlife music and it brought them out of the coma. Isn't that true?

-I think so.

-Isn't that lovely? Yeah? Yeah?

-Well done.

-APPLAUSE

They got up out of the bed, went over to the side

and turned the CD off!

Tess, we're just waiting for you now.

Yes, a little clue would be nice, or something.

-Jan needs a little bit of help.

-Jan does need a bit of help.

Tess, you're such a fair-minded person. That's lovely.

-It won't necessarily be this one, Jan.

-Might not be.

Right, let's have a look. I'm going to start with David.

Ronnie Corbett's Aunt Nell when he was a little boy,

tiny little boy, she paid for him to go on a course.

What was the course? And David says...

LAUGHTER

She thought she'd enter him for the Grand National.

-As a jockey.

-Yes.

David has given us a stupid answer, that will be no use to you

at all, Jan. Kate Silverton. Now, Kate.

I'm not sure this is going to help Jan either. Sorry.

Well, I can see where you're going with this actually, Kate. I can.

Kate thinks the course was for...

cookery, because Ronnie loves his baking, loves his cooking

so that's a possibility. Kian Egan.

-Yes.

-You think that Aunt Nell paid for Ronnie to go on...

an acting course as a young lad. All right.

We've got Tess of course, the last one.

-Could it be this one?

-Do you know, cooking was my first thought

before you wrote that.

Well, it's in the lap of the gods, Tess, it really is.

Aunt Nell paid for Ronnie to go on a course. Is it this one?

Here's what Tess thinks.

To make him taller! All right.

There's your guess list.

Ronnie, those answers are in now so you can write the real answer down.

-Right.

-Jan, let's take a look at them.

Acting, cookery, racecourse, or to make him taller.

-Well, the last two are not right.

-Are you sure about that, Jan?

No, I'm not sure.

See, I thought cookery was very good.

He's a very good chef.

So he well could have gone on a cookery course, couldn't he?

-Yes, could've done, yes.

-Could've been that.

What are you going to go for?

-Could have done, couldn't he?

-Could've done.

-Couldn't he?

Well, he's written his answer down. What are you going to say, Jan?

I don't know, I'm a bit sort of... You've put me off now with the...

LAUGHTER

So it's my fault?

Tell you what, after spending a bit of time with you,

those 400 dates don't seem that many actually!

I think I might go for Tess.

To make him taller.

Aunt Nell paid for Ronnie to do what kind of course?

The answer is...

to make him taller! yes!

And Ronnie...

we're all wondering, did it work?

All right, Jan, that gives you a point.

OK, James, you're next.

It's a celebrity question for you and it's coming from Kian.

You've got a lovely, glittery envelope there, Kian.

Westlife are known for their ballads

but when do I like to be known as Mr Rock?

Ooh! Celebrities, get writing.

When do you think he might want to go under that alias,

or that pseudonym?

Hey, Jan, Mr Rock!

If you saw that profile on the Internet,

you'd be there like a shot!

-Have a little think about it.

-Can you repeat the question?

Yes, of course I will, Ronnie. Of course I will.

Kian is in Westlife, they're known for their ballads. Dreadful songs!

-But sometimes he likes to be known...

-LAUGHTER

He likes to be known as Mr Rock. Sometimes. So the question is,

in what circumstances does he like to be known as Mr Rock?

-Right.

-Would you like me to do it for you?

-Yes.

All right!

There we are.

If there's anything else I can do to make your stay more enjoyable,

please just say.

David, nicknames. Nicknames, pseudonyms.

Did you've a nickname at school?

Big Jessie, something along those lines?

I had, erm...

At school I was called Daphne,

and believe it or not I was quite effeminate as a child.

-Did it bother you, David?

-I embraced it and I made a career out of it.

APPLAUSE

OK, so...

Why does Kian sometimes like to be known as Mr Rock?

David thinks it's...

when dressed as The Rock. Dwayne Johnson, The Rock.

He has a sideline because the music has dried up, he dresses up.

I think that's very likely, I really do.

Kate Silverton. Oh, Kate.

Let's have a look at her answer.

She thinks he likes to be known as Mr Rock in the bath or shower.

Don't give her any encouragement, please.

Am I allowed to clarify my answer just in case anyone thinks

-that I'm being rude?

-Please do, Kate, please do.

I just thought that you have an alter ego and that's the time that

it comes out, because you can sing your ballads in the shower.

-That was all I meant!

-Oh, like singing rock songs in the shower.

So he sings rock songs in the shower.

Just in case my mum thinks I've suddenly gone off...

He sings rock songs and he's aroused at the same time.

I wondered how long it would be before filth came from your mouth.

I was amazed you've lasted as long as you have, to be honest.

-I used to play a game in the bath.

-Oh, no, no, no.

We talked about this in the dressing room.

This is Saturday night, BBC One!

-I used to play a game called Lighthouses.

-No, no.

What does that involve?

Well, I basically would lie on my back and I'd have these toy boats,

you see, and they would have to not go near the lighthouse.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

It's a lighthouse and there are these big boulders.

The boat could crash.

There were quite a few boating disasters

and I think the enquiry surmised that the lighthouse was inadequate!

LAUGHTER

Tess Daly, before you rose to prominence,

-you spent about 10 years as a model, didn't you?

-I did.

A very successful model,

something that I've always thought of dabbling with.

CHUCKLING FROM AUDIENCE

Well, that's unkind, isn't it, that reaction?

I think I would be a good catalogue model, you know, that sort of thing.

And I think together, we could portray...

-Don't laugh, you rude woman!

-Shall we try it?

Ooh, look, she's bloody keen, isn't she?

Come on, let's have a go over here. Come over here with me, Tess.

Come on, let's be catalogue models together.

We're asking people to believe that I've landed...

Shall we strike a pose?

We've got to act like we sort of love each other a little bit.

-Yes.

-We're married perhaps, or we're a couple?

-I love your suit, you love my dress.

-Yes.

And we're looking at something in the distance.

She's quite bossy, isn't she?

I've got to try and look, you know, romantic.

Could you stoop a little bit?

Because I'm not as tall as... A bit more.

Just stoop a bit more.

LAUGHTER

No, no, no, no.

It's not...

It's not that sort of photo shoot!

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

So, when does Kian Egan like to be known as Mr Rock?

Tess says...

When he's watching the wrestling on the telly, so back to...

-The Rock.

-Dwayne Johnson, The Rock, the famous actor.

Ronnie Corbett, and we'll never know what prompted him to come

-up with this.

-No, no, I never know.

Ronnie Corbett thinks that Kian likes to be known

as Mr Rock when...

-When he's in a hotel.

-That's right.

-So he's under a pseudonym.

-Yes.

-An alias.

-Have you ever used a pseudonym in a hotel?

-No, no need. No need.

I just say Rob Brydon, they go, "whatever".

Well I did it when we were on the Little Britain tour, me and Matt.

We were told we should have them so I chose James Bond.

And so people would say, "Welcome to the hotel, Mr Bond."

-I loved it so much!

-All right, there's your guess list.

Now then, those answers are locked in, Kian,

so you can write your own down now.

James, what are you thinking? You can go your own way, remember.

When I looked at that I thought maybe

Ronnie might have the right answer.

-You think what, checking into hotels?

-Checking into hotels.

-All right, so you're going to say hotels?

-Hotels.

I wish you a lot of luck. Kian, he's written it down.

When does Kian like to be known as Mr Rock? The answer is...

It's his name in hotels!

APPLAUSE

Thank you, thank you.

Wow, James, you're correct.

You've won a point, well done,

and we've reached the stage in the evening when we find out who's

going to be playing for the prize so let's take a look at the scores.

Goodness me! It's a draw!

Which means that we need a tie-break question.

Now here's how it's going to work.

I'm going to ask you both the same question and this time I want

you to write down your answers on the pads in front of you.

The answer is a number.

Whoever is closest will go through to play for a lovely prize, OK?

Let's take a look at the question.

So the closest thousand pounds. Get thinking.

It's exciting, isn't it?

-It is!

-Let's take a look at what you've said.

Jan has gone for £18,000, James has gone for 25,000.

That's a lot of money! Let's see who's closest.

The actual amount is...

Oh! Bang on, Jan, well done!

Jan is the winner.

So sorry, we've got to say goodbye to you.

Thank you very much for coming on.

Jan, you're going through to play for the prize.

Jan, well done.

-Marvellous!

-You're just seconds away from a prize.

-This is going to have those men running after you.

-I'm so excited!

And you knew the cost of the wedding,

you've obviously done some research.

We're in the final.

This is where Jan has the chance to win a great prize

and for the final question, the answer is a number. OK?

Now, our star panel will give us their guesses as well.

Before we go any further, would you like to know what your prize is?

Oh, I would! Yes.

All right. Jan, you've been single, as you know, for 14 years.

If you get this right, you can marry Ronnie Corbett!

-Not quite.

-No.

He's got a lovely wife.

He's got a lovely wife, he has,

-and I think, even if he didn't, he wouldn't marry you.

-Thank you!

You've been single for 14 years and you've been on over 400 dates

without much luck so we'd love to send you away on a singles

holiday especially for the more mature single.

-Oh, I would like that.

-Isn't that lovely? Yes!

APPLAUSE

Here's your question.

Goodness me. Celebrities, get writing.

Think carefully

because you've got this singles holiday hanging in the balance here.

-This could change your life.

-I know, I could meet the man of my dreams.

You could! Everybody answered?

All done, OK.

Kian says 10%.

Kate says 15.

David says 0%, what a gentleman.

Tess says 15%,

and Ronnie says 20%.

Now, have those in your mind.

We're going to give you the right answer and a wrong answer

so you've got a 50-50 chance.

Let's have a look at the figures Jan is going to choose from.

It's either 49% or 79%.

Oh, dear! AUDIENCE GASPS

So both of those are way higher than anything our panel has said.

What do you think?

Well, if you love somebody I don't think you'd dump them just

because they're a little bit fat.

It's a significant amount of weight.

You know people. You met a lot of people when you were in Jan's

Unisex, and you've met a lot of men since then so...

you know people!

Yeah.

I don't really like very fat men.

LAUGHTER

Sorry, David, sorry.

Why she'd choose to have a go at you at this stage in the evening

is beyond me.

So, bear in mind now, both of those are way higher than that.

-Yeah, yeah.

-What are you going to say?

-It's difficult.

-I'm going to go for the 49.

-You're going to say its 49%.

OK, let's lock that score in.

-I hope you get it.

-I hope so!

-I hope you go on that lovely singles trip

and meet somebody lovely, and you open a new salon together.

I don't think that'll happen!

LAUGHTER

No, I don't want to go back to work.

I like doing what I do.

And you do it very well.

All right, so Jan is saying 49 %.

Fingers crossed.

In a recent survey, the actual percentage of men that said they

would dump their girlfriend

if she gained a significant amount of weight is...

Yes!

APPLAUSE

Well done, Jan. Fantastic!

You've won the singles holiday for the more mature dater.

That's all from us tonight.

Very well done to Jan, and thanks to Kian Egan!

Kate Silverton!

David Walliams!

Ronnie Corbett!

And Tess Daly!

Thank you for watching. Good night!