Episode 5 The Guess List

APPLAUSE

Hello!

Thank you, thank you. Thank you.

Such kindness. Such kindness.

Good evening and welcome to The Guess List,

the show that features big prizes, top celebrities

and a host with a flimsy grip on reality.

Let's meet tonight's stars!

He's our new apprentice, Nick Hewer.

She's a guest I prepared earlier - it's Helen Skelton!

He's the head of the House of Fools, Bob Mortimer!

Sherlock's better-looking brother, Eamonn Holmes!

And she makes mornings bearable, Kate Garraway!

Please.

Look at that...oh!

Oh, lovely.

There they are - our panel. Four top-notch celebrities

and one reserve we were too embarrassed to stand down.

-Eamonn Holmes.

-How are you?

One of the country's top presenters

is married to you and we have a photograph. Let's have a look.

Look at that!

Goodness! And what on earth are you doing there?

That was all in the line of duty.

It was a different climate then, wasn't it? Let's be honest.

You're sat next to Helen Skelton.

-ALL:

-Ooh!

-Lovely to see you, Helen!

-Thank you for having me.

I'm nervous after seeing that.

No, there's...no, we've nothing like that. Because YOU

have lived a blameless life, you see. As an ex-Blue Peter presenter,

you have to, don't you? You have to!

Your nickname - Miss Adventure.

Apparently so, yeah.

Not preceded by "death by", as it often is.

Have you always been a daredevil, Helen?

No, I think I was just the only one who didn't say no.

That sounds wrong...!

Eamonn's perked up, hasn't he?

And look who's there next to you.

Ladies and gentlemen, the star of House of Fools.

The brilliant Bob Mortimer.

APPLAUSE

-How are you, Bob?

-Very well. Nice to see you.

-Great to see you.

From House of Fools to Studio of Idiots.

Yeah. Making you the village idiot, obviously.

-ALL:

-Ooh!

See how a crowd can turn so quickly.

Bob, Bob, Bob... Nick Hewer, ladies and gentlemen.

Nick, your business mantra, cos you have one -

"Doing nothing is not an option".

Hasn't stopped Eamonn.

LAUGHTER

What does it mean, Nick? What does it mean?

It means that you must never stop.

You've just got to carry on and on and on and on and on.

LAUGHTER

How do you get off?

LAUGHTER

Well, I mean...we all have our own particular tastes, don't we?

But that's only part of the story, because now -

Countdown as well. You must be loving that.

Countdown is a great show.

There's no money prizes.

It's an intelligent show. It's a great show.

It's a great show and I'm very proud to be involved.

But primarily for the unemployed and the old.

If you had to narrow it down to what it really was.

You can give us all that guff if you want, Nick, but we all know.

And I have to say also, I mean, I was thinking earlier - Countdown.

I mean, it's an insensitive title for a man of your years!

Anyway, welcome to the show. Lovely to see you.

Kate Garraway is here. Kate, you look fantastic.

-You said once, Kate...

-Right.

-And I quote...

"I love my job," you said.

"It's preposterous that I get paid money to do it."

You're not the only one thinking that.

How do you deal with the early mornings? It must be hellish!

Yes, I know. It's the alarm clock going off that's bad.

What time do you get up?

-I get up really early. I get up about 2.30, 2.40...

-Oh!

I know, I know. Horribly early.

So does Nick, but for different reasons.

There's our panel of stars for tonight.

But who is playing the game?

Let's meet the contestants. Ladies and gentlemen, Michala and Alex.

CHEERING

Now then, Michala, where are you from?

I'm from Reading, Berkshire.

From Reading in Berkshire.

CHEERING

And what do you do?

I'm an IT asset coordinator during the day,

and then, Mondays and Tuesdays in the evening, I'm a barmaid.

And then, later on, at the weekends, I'm a dance teacher.

Goodness me.

Goodness me. Well, I mean...

They say the young people of this country struggle to find employment.

Is it any wonder when people like this

are doing three jobs?

LAUGHTER

And we're lucky that you're here at all,

because you are quite accident prone,

in a very dramatic way. Wait until you hear this.

Yes, I have a tendency to fall down holes.

Talk us through it.

I was in a show, it was a panto.

And I was doing the cancan.

And I happened to get the position that was on top of the trap door.

-No!

-So, as we was doing the cancan,

-the trap door accidentally opened.

-No!

And it was a case of one minute I was there, the next minute, I was gone.

LAUGHTER

Once I got back up and I stood there, I went like this.

And I got a standing ovation.

Oh, well, good for you. Good for you!

APPLAUSE

Thank you.

And you're seated next to Alex.

Now, Alex, where are you from?

I live in Newcastle upon Tyne!

A FEW AUDIENCE MEMBERS: Woo!

Well, you said it as though you anticipated a round of applause.

-Yeah.

-And you almost got one.

-It was worth a try, yeah.

-What do you do up there?

I study on the country's only folk and traditional music degree.

LAUGHTER

Whoa, whoa. Slow down.

This sounds suspiciously like media studies to me.

And, you are very fond of a very particular type of dancing?

I am, yes.

Well, I'm a morris dancer, you see.

AUDIENCE: Oooh!

What sort of music are you into?

LAUGHTER

Well, I'm a bit partial to a bit of Lady Gaga.

How on earth does Lady Gaga

come into your thinking when you're morris dancing

and listening to folk music?

Don't you think you'd really like to see Lady Gaga morris dance?

No!

I'd be happy if I never saw her do anything else again.

-And, you're going to get married?

-Yes.

So, will morris dancing be a big part of the ceremony?

Absolutely no morris dancers allowed at the ceremony.

LAUGHTER

Ladies and gentlemen, Michala and Alex.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Now, then...

here's how it's going to work.

I'm going to ask you some questions, OK, about life in the UK.

Our glittering array of stars are going to help you.

They are going to write down their suggestions.

You can use one of their guesses if you want to,

or you can come up with your own.

Whoever does the best will go through to the final,

for the chance to win a very special personalised prize.

OK?

Alex, you're first.

Let's have a look at your question.

This is a tricky one.

Celebrities, get writing.

Their first date regret.

Eamonn Holmes,

been in this business now 30 years.

-Yes.

-A long time.

Some would say too long.

LAUGHTER

-Aww!

-But I, I love your show.

-I watch it every morning.

-Do you?

Homes Under the Hammer.

LAUGHTER

But you're an alco... Sorry, workaholic, aren't you? You are.

Nobody... It's known within the television world

that nobody works as hard as Eamonn Holmes.

-Yeah.

-Why?

Cos I'm cheaper than everybody else. I just have to work harder.

-Do you remember?

-Yes.

LAUGHTER

Most things.

The Crimean War?

Well, there's one going on now.

Oh, yeah, that was the wrong one to pick, wasn't it? I'm sorry!

Of all the wars I could have mentioned, in my head,

I was just thinking, "Pick a war from a long time ago."

Helen Skelton, this woman has canoed

-the entire length of the Amazon, am I right?

-Yes...

-Wow.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I did 2018 miles, yes.

-Is that the whole distance?

-No.

So, you didn't row the whole distance?

LAUGHTER

-But you went more or less all the way down the Amazon?

-Yeah.

And did you find where they keep all the books?

LAUGHTER

What, what? Let's have a look at Helen's answer.

Now, the question is...

Helen says...

-Eating...

-Corn on the cob.

-Eating corn on the cob!

I went on personal experience, and that's a mistake.

Shoving food at your face and gnawing it like a rat is not attractive.

LAUGHTER

-And A lot of it stays there, doesn't it?

-Yeah.

If you want it to taste good, you need butter, and obviously that's...

It's a fine line between seductive and just messy, isn't it?

Eamonn's just loving the description, in all honesty.

Bob, first date? Do you remember the first date?

My first date was behind an electricity substation.

LAUGHTER

It was the most private place that

a young couple could meet up where I lived.

-Where was that, then?

-In Middlesbrough.

-That was your first date?

-That was my first date.

You've got confidence!

Oh, thank you very much. To introduce them to electricity?

LAUGHTER

And how old were you when this was happening?

-13, 14.

-Oooh!

-That's pretty young, isn't it?

-Yeah, yeah.

Aww, do you know where she is now?

She's a policewoman, but I don't know where.

She's gone under the witness protection scheme?

Could be, could be.

On a first date, Bob says...

Wearing leather jumpsuit and cowboy boots.

LAUGHTER

I kind of meant it, Rob, as like just wearing the wrong outfit.

Wearing the wrong outfit. Have you ever worn that?

No, but I've been with people who have.

LAUGHTER

Nick Hewer, first date.

For you, this is much a memory test as anything else.

LAUGHTER

Tell us about the first date, the big problem,

where to park the penny farthing.

-Do you remember it?

-I do, actually.

She opened a can of dog food...

And scoo... It was at her house.

-Parents were away.

-Paint a picture. When was this?

Ooh...

Shortly after the war.

Which one?

Anyway, she put her hand in the tin of dog meat

and scooped it out with her hand.

And that really killed it for me.

Yeah.

I got over the dog food.

And then, of course, she delivered the devastating put-down.

Which is in my answer. Heartbreaking.

Nick's answer is...

She said "never".

AUDIENCE: Aww!

-Was she saying "Never in a million years?"

-Yeah, yeah.

Well, do you know what?

If she's watching this now, with her little cold,

wet nose pressed up against the screen...

LAUGHTER

Her tail wagging.

She's regretting it now, isn't she? Yeah!

Kate Garraway, let's have a look at your answer.

The biggest first date regret. Kate says...

-Turning up.

-Furring up. Oh, turning up!

-Turning up.

-Yeah.

So, if it's been a bad first date, you just think,

-"I wish I'd never gone."

-Yes.

I think about 31% of them I have regretted, yeah.

Have you had a high number of first dates?

LAUGHTER

-Now, Eamonn?

-Yes.

Eamonn, Ruth has said it took you 12 years to

-get down on bended knee.

-Yes.

And a trained chiropractor to get you back up.

Yes. Yes.

Tell us about the first date. I know a little bit about this.

You saw Ruth on a street corner.

That's absolutely right! I did!

How much? How much?

LAUGHTER

How much do you remember?

How much do you remember?

I was driving past the street corner and there was this lovely,

statuesque blonde and I remember thinking,

"Wow, where could you go to meet a girl like that?"

Well, the street corner.

And I turned round the corner, parked the car,

she came walking up to my car.

And she said, "Hello, are you Eamonn?"

Oh, hang on...

Eamonn, love, I really don't want to be the one to tell you...

She walked up to the car and said, "Hello, sweetheart?"

She was the spotter.

She was sent out of the house that I was turning up to to make sure

I wasn't going to get lost.

So, she came over to the car?

Yeah, and she said, "Hiya, are you Eamonn?" She knew who I was.

She so knew who I was.

Cos you were already on the television, you'd already

worked your way into the hearts

of a very small percentage of the nation.

But the first date, that wasn't a date. Where did you take her?

The first date was four years after that.

-Why four years?

-Where was the first date?

She'll kill me for this.

Are you telling me you genuinely cannot remember

your first date with your wife?

-I don't remember any official...

-First kiss.

-First kiss?

Yes, I remember that.

LAUGHTER

I can even remember where she placed it.

LAUGHTER

We're going to take his answer.

So, Eamonn, when asked what was the biggest first date regret,

he says...

Paying the...

Not in my case. I'm very generous.

But I reckon a lot of people think, "What a waste of time and effort."

It didn't get them anywhere in terms of...

It didn't lead to anything.

You old romantic, you.

Let's have a look at all those answers.

Now, there we are. Alex, that's the guess list.

You don't have to go with any of those if you don't want to.

You are a forward-thinking morris dancer.

You can go your own way.

What are you thinking?

I think I'm not going to go with any of those. Sorry.

I reckon, because I'm a huge wuss when it comes to dating,

until I met my fiancee.

And I think the biggest regret would be not holding hands or

touching or something like that.

Grabbing her, is what you're saying?

Getting a good grip so she can't escape.

Gentle, just if you're walking down the street, holding your hand.

I think that's a very special moment.

-Not making a move, that's it.

-Are you going to say that?

-Yep.

What did Brits say was their biggest first date regret? The answer is...

-Oh!

-Yeah!

-Wow!

That's good. Well done, Alex, you're correct

and you get a point.

Now then, Michala, you're next.

Let's take a look at Michala's question.

According to a recent survey... Oh, dear...

LAUGHTER

I shudder to think what Eamonn is going to say.

Celebrities, get writing.

My wife doesn't like it when I'm in the bedroom...

Anyway...

Let's go and find out.

-Helen Skelton?

-Yes.

-Now, is Helen your real name?

-Yeah.

Or was that chosen for you by the Blue Peter viewers?

LAUGHTER

I've not watched Blue Peter for a while,

because I'm a grown adult.

Do they still use sticky-backed plastic?

I know you're not on it any more,

but you were a big part of its success.

We always had an argument about it, cos the editors used to say,

"People don't want to make stuff any more." That's not true.

-Kids want to make stuff if it's cool.

-I agree.

I once made a fake dog poo...

LAUGHTER

..and the website crashed,

cos seven-year-olds love that kind of thing.

How do you make a fake dog poo?

Yoghurt pot upside down, roll up some newspaper, wrap it around it,

paint porridge oats and glue and then paint it brown.

Oh, yeah...

I made a fox one the other day,

but I just used a Mars bar.

The heat melted...

I thought you said there you made a fox poo out of a Mars bar.

I must have misheard you.

You're in the right area, but I made a fox poo out of...

By feeding him a Mars bar?

LAUGHTER

No, I put it on top of a football

to discourage a fox from playing football.

-Why would you do that?

-Well, it worked.

I'll be very honest, it's not making sense to me.

It might be making sense to you.

You made the poo of a fox...

I was asked how to get a fox out of a garden,

and I was told that the lure was having the football there.

Someone told you that a football was attracting the fox?

Was he coming in wearing his shorts and his boots?

LAUGHTER

The thing is, Rob, the theory is that a fox can't resist a football.

-Foxes don't like football!

-Well, they do...

Well, they don't know the rules of the official game.

But sometimes the ball was in the net in the morning.

We had a fox in our garden, because we used to find squirrels' heads.

So my dad used to... We all got...

That means you've got squirrels in your garden.

No, but my dad gathered us all round the garden, we were really excited,

when we were kids, to see this little squirrel poking out of a hole.

He was there for ages, and we thought, "That is tame."

Oh, no!

And, so my dad then went out to the garden,

kicked a football across the garden to see if it moved

and its head just rolled.

LAUGHTER

All right, let's have a look.

So what does Helen Skelton say is the number one

cause of an argument in bed.

Let's have a look.

-Wearing what?

-Tights.

-Not women's tights!

-Wearing tights?!

-Not...

Like, compression tights. But I didn't have time to write that.

Wearing compression tights?

LAUGHTER

What are you talking about?!

I'll be very honest.

The footballing fox is seeming a lot more reasonable.

Yeah, but my husband plays rugby.

If he's got an injury, he has to wear compression types afterwards.

-Right, OK.

-To stop clotting?

-Yeah.

And it's just a bit weird.

And you think, that across Britain...

LAUGHTER

..the number one cause of arguments in bed is,

"Oh, the husband's wearing those bloody compression tights!"

How common do you think it is?

No, but... I was just trying to...

Well, you should have tried a little harder!

I could write socks, or something, or knickers?

Give it a rest. Give it a rest.

-Bob.

-Hi.

-Bob thinks it's...

Who turns the light off. And when it gets turned off, as well.

-Yeah.

-Cos some of us like lights, some of us don't.

Nick Hewer. Let's picture you in bed.

Yes.

Pyjamas? Or naked?

I'm afraid it's no pyjamas.

AUDIENCE: Oooh!

Let's take a moment to conjure that up.

OK.

Well, this is interesting, Bob.

Because, yes, Nick also says...

"Lights on or off?"

And which way does Mr Hewer lean?

She's a farmer's daughter...

Mr Hewer.

LAUGHTER

-And she gets up at 5:30 in the morning.

-Does she?

And I tend to stay up later. She goes to bed very early.

As soon as I get into bed she says, "No talking!"

That's all she says. "No talking!"

-It's not a fun place.

-No.

Is it a happy relationship?

It's a fabulous relationship.

I love her dearly. But no talking.

LAUGHTER

Now, your problem with bed, Kate, I imagine,

is that you're rarely in it!

Not long enough.

Ah, yes. Yes. This one.

Wait till you see this.

Kate Garraway says...

Stealing the duvet. Yes.

Now, this is the opposing partner, in my case, Mrs Brydon.

She gets a firm grip, she gets a firm grip...

Of the duvet!

And then, in one...

She turns over, like that.

She's like a little sausage roll inside the duvet.

Leaving me - and I'm going to use the word, Bob - exposed.

Like a fish on the sand.

LAUGHTER

"I'm so cold.

"Please give me a little bit of duvet."

-But nothing, she doesn't want to know.

-No.

In your house, who does it?

He does it, but we've sort of solved it by getting the biggest...

Divorce ever known.

No, the biggest duvet.

We got a super, super king-size American duvet.

So, it doesn't matter how many times you twist round now,

I'm still not naked and cold.

That's a shame in a way, isn't it?

Eamonn?

I heard that you conceived your son to a Dolly Parton album?

LAUGHTER

What, what Dolly Parton one?

# Here you come again... #

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

You've actually been in bed with my wife.

-AUDIENCE:

-Oooh!

You so know.

Eamonn, not now, mate.

There are pictures on YouTube. It's all there. Just Google it.

Let's... Let's be very clear about this.

It was an acting role.

Although, I felt that she...

LAUGHTER

There wasn't a lot of acting going on. I felt she...

For her, it was like seeing there was a whole other way of life.

It didn't have to be this way.

Let's have a look at Eamonn's answer.

Eamonn thinks the number one cause of arguments in bed is...

Temperature. And traditionally - I'm going to go out on a limb -

the woman liking it warmer...

Yes. They're colder. They're always colder. Always.

Terrible circulation. Bob, agreed?

-I agree.

-Peripheries, yeah.

-Helen?

-Yeah.

We've already talked about that tonight, haven't we?

-I am very hot in bed.

-Under what circumstances?

Sorry, I think you may have let the cat out of the bag there!

Let's have a look at all the answers together.

Michala, there they are. That's your guess list.

This is a tricky one.

What's it like in the Michala household? What do you argue about?

Falling down the gap at the back, I would imagine.

I must admit, I took the question the totally wrong way,

so I'm having to rethink.

You took the question the wrong way.

Well, it's a very difficult question, isn't it?

How did you take it, Michala?

SHE LAUGHS

I don't think you want to know.

LAUGHTER

What are you going to go for as your answer?

I did think about the lights and duvet,

so it's a toss up between those two.

I'll go with my first guess in my head which was

turn the lights off.

You're going to go with the lights. You're saying the lights.

But you thought it might have been the duvet.

What's the number one cause of arguments in bed?

The actual answer is...

Oh! Oh! Oh, you were so close!

You were so close!

Oh, that's a shame.

I'm afraid, Michala,

-no points for you there.

-Never mind.

Alex, your question is next. Here it comes.

Celebrities, start writing.

To get a free upgrade.

-Kate, you've been doing the National Lottery lately?

-Yes.

Scratchcards or tickets?

Most annoying thing, I find, on aeroplanes is when the person

next to you falls asleep

and they don't stay upright,

they just edge over.

Has that ever happened to you, Nick? You've got some lump next to you

-and they...?

-Awful.

Actually, looking at you two now... Imagine. Just move your seats

next to each other. Just imagine now, you're on the plane, you've sat down.

Yes, it's a pleasure...

LAUGHTER

That's actually really lovely.

You opportunist, Nick Hewer.

But remember, no talking.

-All right. It's fine when it's the beautiful Kate Garraway.

-Right.

-Kate, come and pop yourself on the step there.

-Right. Oh.

-You've taken your seat, Nick. Hello.

-Hello.

-Nice to see you.

I'll have one from the top, two from the bottom. Ha!

You're fired!

Anyway, listen, don't worry. I'm just going to get my head down.

Heading out to Sydney for the rugby, I am. Don't you worry now.

You carry on, mate. You're fine.

LAUGHTER

Excuse me. Hello.

Bruce!

-We're nearly there.

-What?!

Sorry. I thought it was Carol Vorderman. I do apologise.

I do apologise.

-This is very difficult.

-It's a difficult one.

-It's hard.

-Has everybody finished?

-Yeah, yeah.

-OK. We'll start with Kate.

According to a recent survey, what would 49% of flyers

say they would do to get a free upgrade? Kate says...

-That's nice.

-Just be really nice.

-Just be really friendly?

-Yeah, they get people hassling them

-all the time for upgrades.

-OK. Let's see what Eamonn's answer is.

To get a free upgrade, Eamonn says...

-What lie do they tell? What lie?

-Well, like, you're a lord

-or a doctor.

-A doctor?

-Yes.

-"Is there a doctor on board?"

"Well, it depends whether or not you're going to put me in business."

-That's right.

-Helen.

-Yes.

-What have you got there?

Oh, OK. OK. This is quite extreme. Helen thinks...

LAUGHTER

I'm not saying voluntarily break it, I just mean if you had

a broken leg or a broken arm, they might upgrade you

or if you said you had an injury.

Yeah(!) So, you've already got the injury and you just stress it?

-Yeah, or you put a cast on.

-Not going to be that answer.

-Bob, do you fly much?

-No, hardly ever.

-Ever been upgraded?

Not on a plane, no.

I was given a box at the Royal Albert Hall once

because the person thought I was Alan Titchmarsh.

-LAUGHTER

-That's my only...

Did you give him advice on his hardy perennials

and nailing your plums down for the winter period?

What did they say, "Mr Titchmarsh"?

Yeah, he came up and said, "Mr Titchmarsh, we've got an empty box. You can have it."

And I took it.

-So, presumably...

-It wasn't a window box though.

Presumably, Alan was striding up and down the corridors

at the Albert Hall going, "Where the hell is my box?"

-All right. Let's see what Bob says.

-I'll have to plump for one.

-You've got two there, have you?

-I've got two. I've got microwave intolerant...

which, you know, might get you out of economy.

I've never met a microwave-intolerant person.

Yeah, but it would worry you, if you were staff, wouldn't it?

It would worry you that you might be about to make someone ill.

-All right.

-OK. I think saying that you're pregnant...

Let's have a look at them. There they are. Let's see, Bob says...

So, it's a condition I've never heard of, or pregnant.

Nick Hewer says...

-I'm very embarrassed about this. Can I erase it?

-I'm afraid you can't.

All right. There we are. Take a look at all the answers together.

Now, that's the guess list, Alex. Have you ever been upgraded?

-No.

-Have you ever tried to be upgraded?

-I probably...

Yeah, Morris dancing, but that never really works, does it?

I think it's unlikely.

What are you going to say?

Well, I think it might be a mix between

being nice and making unsavoury offers.

I think it might be somewhere in-between being nice and flirty.

-So, you're going to say flirting?

-Flirty, yeah.

-Flirty.

Be flirty with the check-in person. OK. Good luck.

What do flyers do to try and get a free upgrade?

49% of them say that they...

Ooh!

APPLAUSE

-Alex, well done. You get a point there.

-Fantastic.

Michala, here's your question.

Celebrities, start writing. Now, Kate, you must have lied...

-No!

-..to some of those guests you get on breakfast television.

-Right.

You know, when they're plugging their film, you have to say

-how much you like it.

-Yeah.

"Russell Crowe, you've got a great singing voice."

Let's have a look at your answer. The most commonly told lie

in Britain. Kate Garraway says...

LAUGHTER

You know at school when they did handwriting...

..did you go in that day, Kate, or did you miss that day?

-What does that say?

-"No, you don't look fat in that."

But I was thinking women and it maybe isn't the case if it's men.

-I think that's what women...

-You think women tell each other,

-"You look good"?

-You look great in those hot pants.

-I understand.

Listen, sometimes when you work in television, you know,

sometimes with someone you don't like, you have to tell

a little lie sometimes.

Eamonn, great to see you.

LAUGHTER

Now then...

-Big Elvis fan, of course.

-Uh-huh-huh.

-Like me.

-Yeah.

-I see a bit of Elvis in you.

-Do you?

-Yes, I do. Yes, I do.

-The Las Vegas years?

-Very much so. Very much so. Yes.

Let's have a look at what Eamonn thinks the most commonly told lie...

This is going to give us an insight into life with Eamonn and Ruth.

Eamonn thinks it's...

APPLAUSE

Do you often say that to Ruth?

Yes.

She is a predator.

Well, she's got plenty to feast on.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Helen Skelton, as a former Blue Peter presenter,

a lie can never have passed your lips.

I might have told the odd white lie, like when I said, "What's your sister's name?" And they go,

"That's my brother." Then you have to go, "Oh, kidding!" Or you say...

Am I the only one who doesn't understand that?

Let's see what Helen says is the most common lie in Britain.

Helen Skelton says...

-Yes.

-"This old thing? I've had that for ages."

-"Is it new, darling?"

That is a common lie.

-Bob.

-Hi.

-Michala's done a lot of jobs.

-Known you on the television for years...

-Yeah.

..but you have had normal jobs before that.

Yeah, my first job was in a chicken factory. Then I was a dustbin man.

Then I did nothing for a long time. And then I was a solicitor.

-The classic...

-The classic path.

-The classic career path. The binmen,

how long did you work on the bins?

I worked on the bins for about a year and half.

-And you were one of the guys, on the thing, round you go?

-Yeah.

It was a fabulous job. You finished early.

Well, our binmen only work one day every fortnight.

LAUGHTER

-Do lawyers lie in court?

-Yes, all the time.

-No, they don't. Of course not.

-I will have to take your first answer.

Let's take a look at what Bob says. The most commonly told lie in Britain,

according to Bob Mortimer, is...

AUDIENCE: Ooooh!

Trouble at home, Bob?

-Nick Hewer.

-Sir.

We're looking for the lie, the most common lie in Britain.

You, of course, would never lie.

Honesty is the best policy because you've got to remember the lie.

-Sometimes that's difficult.

-So, you've tried to lie, then?

I think that's what we've established. You're a liar.

-I knew this would be dangerous.

-Let's take a look at your answer.

According to a recent survey, what is Britain's most commonly told lie?

And Nick Hewer says it's...

-Oh.

-Exactly.

-And where might they be then?

-Almost anywhere.

But probably in a bedroom.

So, there we are.

Let's take a look at all those answers together.

There's your guess list, Michala. Now, have a look at those.

You don't have to go with any of those if you don't want to.

Well, I know that "I'm at the office" is a common one

cos I've used that on a couple of occasions.

"I've got a headache."

-No, I've never used that one. Sorry, Eamonn.

-Have you not?

-No. No.

-I'm going to go for "I'm at the office."

-All right.

You're going to say "I'm at the office."

According to a recent survey, what is Britain's most commonly told lie?

The answer is...

Ooh!

None of you got that.

"Sorry, I have no signal."

-On the phone.

-I should have remembered that one.

-What a pathetic lie to come up with.

-I do that all the time.

-Oh, no, I don't.

-I think it's awful.

I always pretend I'm in a tunnel.

Michala, you're wrong. No points scored.

And we have now reached the point of the show

where we find out who's going to be playing for the prize.

Let's have a look at the scores.

Oh, it's 2 to Alex!

I'm so sorry, Michala, you've not done it today.

-You've fallen down a metaphorical hole.

-I have.

Alex, you're going through to the final.

APPLAUSE

The answer is going to be a number. OK? And just like before,

all our friends here are going to try and help you

with their educated guesses. But before we do that,

let's see the prize I've picked for you.

You are, as we've learnt, a secret Lady Gaga fan.

Tonight, if you win, we have a very special prize for you.

At your wedding...

one of the top UK

Lady Gaga tribute acts will perform.

How about that? How about that?

-APPLAUSE

-Yeah!

Even as we speak, your fiancee is calling it off.

Here's your question. Let's take a look.

How many sick days does the average Brit take

during their working lives? That's a tricky one. Start writing, you lot.

How many sick days does the average Brit take

during their working lives, across the whole course of a life?

What are you thinking, Alex?

I'm very stuck on this one because I'm not very good at maths.

I think it's a difficult one. I wouldn't know where to go.

Is everybody ready? OK.

Let's take a look at what our celebrities say.

How many sick days does the average Brit take

during the whole of their working life?

Eamonn says...

150.

I bet you've never taken a sick day in your life, have you?

Well, being self-employed is the biggest cure for sickness

-that I know.

-It is.

Eamonn says 150. Helen says...

80?! In a whole life?

Wow. But then you're super fit, so there we are.

Bob says...

200.

Nick says...

97?

I think that's low.

And Kate says...

280.

280. Now, you've got a big range there. Let's make it easier for you.

Here's two, the right one and a wrong one. Your choices are...

-What are you thinking?

-Um, I think...

And I'd love at your wedding for there to be

an out-of-work actress with a vague resemblance to Lady Gaga.

LAUGHTER

Turns up with her backing tapes and just makes the best of it.

"I could have done Tina Turner if you like, love.

"I mean, it's no odds to me."

I'm going to go for...

-366.

-366. You're going high. I hope you are right.

How many sick days does the average Brit take during their working lives? The actual answer is...

Yes! You've got it!

Well done.

Well done, Alex.

Fantastic.

You have won a performance at your wedding by a Lady Gaga tribute act.

Hurrah!

-CHEERING

-That's it for tonight.

Very well done to Alex and thank you, of course, to Eamonn Holmes...

APPLAUSE

..Helen Skelton...

Bob Mortimer...

Nick Hewer...

and Kate Garraway.

Thank you for watching. Good night.

Alex, come and say hello to the panel.