Bad Mans The Wrong Mans

'My name's Sam Pinkett.

'I was there when you crashed your car this morning.

'After you'd been taken to the hospital, your phone started ringing.'

-MAN:

-If you are not here by five, we will kill your wife.

'I know everything.'

What is going on? Don't lie to me.

-A woman's been kidnapped.

-Oh, get out!

This is our moment. We've been chosen.

I'm a town planning and noise guidance advisor for Berkshire County Council.

If I don't have that research pack on my desk today,

it's me that's going to look bad.

You're a 31-year-old mail distribution assistant who

lives with his mum.

If there's any way I can save your wife, I will.

That's not my phone.

'We're gonna cross a lot of bridges, Sam.'

Jump a lot of hurdles.

I don't know what you're talking about.

-SHOUTS:

-I'm talking about rolling deep!

So, are we gonna get the bus? Or... Aargh!!

Sam, Sam, Sam!

WHEELS SKID, ENGINE STRAINS

HE GRUNTS

GUN COCKS

GUNSHOT

This programme contains very strong language.

Sam!

Sam, is that you?

Yes, Phil.

Cough if you can hear me.

Of course I can...

SAM COUGHS

PHIL COUGHS TWICE

-What was that?

-It's code.

PHIL COUGHS TWICE AGAIN

Well, I don't know what it meant,

so if it's a code, you'd have to explain it to me.

-OK, it's easy...

-Don't explain it to me!

If anyone is listening, you're explaining it to them.

It defeats the...

SHOUTS: Hello!

If anyone's listening, I don't know who you think we are

but we're not him.

My name is Sam Pinkett and I work for the council.

My name is Philip Bourne, and I don't work for the council,

I just work in the building.

I'm sub-contracted.

There's nobody there.

Where's my money?

Where's my money?

There's been a misunderstanding.

I gave my guy my money, and a phone.

Now, there is no guy. There is no money.

And I traced the phone and ended up with you.

Now, I don't care what happened to him, but I'm gonna ask you this

one last time...

..where is my money?

-I don't know. SHOUTS:

-Don't lie to me!

-I'm not lying.

-Where is it?!

-Please.

-Where is my money?

-You have to believe me.

-I will tear you apart! Where is it?

Please! I'm telling you the truth! I'm being completely honest.

-Where's my money?

-This is just a huge mistake...

I've got it! I've got it. I've got your money. I've got it.

Big time.

Where is it?

It's in a safety deposit box. In Edinburgh.

WHISPERS: I really don't think this...

What's it doing there?

No-one would think to look for it there.

-If you're here, who took it there?

-A friend.

A friend?

Of my nan's. A friend of my nan's.

She was going up anyway, for...Hogmanay.

And so she took it.

So you gave her a bag, with £3 million cash,

to take to Edinburgh?

Yes.

Are you sure?

Yes.

That's funny, cos I've only lost 800 grand.

Aargh! Sam! Sam!

Where are you taking him? Please don't hurt him!

Please! Please!

BEEPING, ENGINE STARTS

This compactor exerts 150 tonnes of pressure.

It can crush a car in 45 seconds.

WHIRRING

So I don't think it's gonna have much trouble with you, sunshine.

Please, this is nothing to do with us!

Where did you get this phone?

What did you do with my guy?

That money was to buy back my wife!

Now she's dead! You thief! Now I'm gonna have a...

PHONE RINGS

Your wife? You're Mr...

Hello, Jim.

No, no, I've just...

I've just been for a run.

No.

Oh, well, no, no, me neither.

Well, she's at one of these spa, er, days.

Yeah.

No, no, no - there's no need for you to do that.

Just as soon as she calls me, I'll get her to...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you...

PHONE CONNECTION ENDS

..You take care.

She's alive.

Your wife, she isn't dead. You're Mr Stevens, right?

You're Mr Stevens?

Yes.

They thought I was you.

I found the phone by the side of the road.

They've been talking to me, thinking I was you.

So you just "found" this phone?

We thought it belonged to a guy to crashed his car there.

-That's why we were at the hospital.

-They changed the meeting.

It's six o'clock. A different address. I've got it in my pocket.

Take it out.

The other...pocket.

-Why should I believe you?

-It's the truth. It's like I said to the guy in the hospital,

who I thought was you before he turned out not to be you,

if there was any way I could save your wife, I would.

Suppose I believe you...

..and that this meeting is for real.

I'm not gonna go there without any money.

-No, I wouldn't do that.

-Makes sense.

Only a total idiot would go there without any money!

Yeah, we were actually saying that at the hospital before.

Which is why I'm sending you.

-What?

-You're joking, right?

Those winks mean you're joking, right?

That was a joke. That was a funny joke.

When you do a wink, it means it's a joke, right.

I think we established quite clearly that we just work for the council.

SONG PLAYS ON RADIO

# Nibblin' on my sponge cake

# Watching the sun bake

# All of those tourists covered in oil... #

SONG CONTINUES ON RADIO

I think that's long enough.

I don't understand. This was definitely the meeting place.

I swear. Please believe me.

We've been waiting here for an hour and no-one's here.

You've got to understand how this looks.

I track you leaving the home of one of Russia's most wanted,

with close to a million pounds.

And...

when I politely ask you to stop...

..you run, and keep running.

I mean, at best it's rude.

And then, when we do finally get to have a little chat,

you tell me that you've been talking to a man on a phone.

A phone which doesn't seem to exist.

So...

how about we stop with the fairy tales and start with the truth?

OK?

Right.

You, take this.

Combination is on there.

You, get out.

What? Why?

Get out!

-Ah! Don't...

-Please don't hurt him.

-Oh, my God.

Just do it. Do it quick.

Do it quick.

Just... Wait, wait!

Wait... Wait.

Sam, Sam. Oh, God.

Under my mattress, under my mattress there's some magazines and a DVD.

I need you to find them and get rid of them.

I can't bear my mum to see them, all right.

Just burn them. Don't even look at them yourself.

-They're disgusting.

-Get up.

-What?

-Get in the front.

You're driving the rest of the way.

It's nothing illegal. It's just bums and stuff.

You better pray that she's still alive.

Because if she's not, you're next.

We're gonna die.

PHONE RINGS

Go on, answer it.

-Yes?

-'You're not Mr Stevens.'

No. I did try to tell you before.

'What's your name?'

-Craig.

-'And you're not alone.'

No, I needed someone to help me with the chair.

'Give the phone to your friend.'

WHISPERS: He wants to talk to you.

-WHISPERS:

-Why?

-WHISPERS: I don't know. Just take it.

Hello. This is Brad speaking.

'In a moment, you will give the phone back to your friend.

'You will lie down and place your hands on your head,

'and you will not move, because if you do, you will be shot.'

OK.

-WHISPERS: What are you doing? WHISPERS:

-Shut up, shut up, shut up.

-WHISPERS:

-Sam!

-WHISPERS:

-Good luck.

Is that the money?

Mmm-hm.

Good.

Your employer is a foolish man.

-Foolish, cowardly man.

-He's not actually my employer...

Six months I gave him. Nothing but lies and false promises.

It's a shame.

It took all this to make him listen and deliver what he owes.

Well?

Shall we proceed?

I need assurances.

I don't think you call the shots here.

This is a trade.

I'm not leaving without her. That's the deal.

So if you're thinking of pulling a fast one, then...

don't...

please.

Untie her.

This is what we're going to do.

She will come forward, alone.

We'll both have one hand on the case

and when she passes me,

you will let go.

Right.

Are you happy with that?

Yeah.

But first, we must count the money.

Are you...are you sure you don't want to do that later?

-Just, just cos it'll take ages.

-Open the case.

And I haven't got one of those machines that...thrrrrrrr.

OK.

Looks like they were right.

Three...

-One.

-One.

I don't know if that's an eight or a nine.

That's a nine.

Can you get a shot on Lau?

Hang on, you haven't paid me to take anybody out.

If she dies, then I'm dead and you'll get nothing.

-Oh, my God!

-What a surprise.

I don't bloody believe this.

He said it was full of money and, and...

it isn't.

I'm going to have to kill you now.

WHISPERS: Go on.

WHISPERS: Go on.

BAG POPS

Run! Get in the car!

-There's no shot.

-Fuck, fuck, fuck.

I've never driven manual!

-Go!

-I can't do the gears!

What are you doing?

I've only just regained the use of my legs, Phil.

Aaargh! Aargh!

Put your foot... Put the clutch down.

-OK.

-Give it some gas.

I've done it. I've got it.

I've got it, I've got it.

-That's it, that's it, that's it.

-Arrgh! Argh!

Jesus! Are you OK, Phil?

Phil, talk to me.

Talk to me, Phil.

I'm going to try and change gear.

CAR BACKFIRES AND GRINDS

Get off! Get the fuck off me!

RADIO PLAYS JIMMY BUFFETT: Margaritaville

PHIL PANTS

-# Some people claim that there's a woman to blame...

-#

-We're gonna have to kill him.

-What?!

-We've got to chop him...

-We're not murderers!

Well, we can't let him go. He's seen our faces.

If we let him go, he'll come back. He tried to kill us!

We'll think of something.

OK, we're not...

-Oh, God. Do you want me to drive?

-Yes, please.

Right, so ropes and cable ties, yeah?

-Anything. Just be quick, yeah?

-Right.

Philip?

Is that you, boo-bear?

Hiya, Mum.

Can you do my hot water bottle for me, please? I don't want to come downstairs.

Yes, Mum.

What are you doing?

Please...please... Let's just talk about this...

I have no quarrels with you!

-Thank you.

-All right.

And a glass of water, please, Philip.

Let's just be reasonable and talk about this.

If we met in other circumstances, we would very possibly get on.

Shut up. No, no...

-You're the one who's trying...

-I'm not...

CAR HORN HONKS

Please! Please!

SHOUTING CONTINUES

Nice of you to join us.

Aaargh!

-TV:

-'It's a very delicate issue and we're consulting with numerous organisations.

'But there has been a delay, minister, you can't deny that.

'I'm not denying anything, neither am I confirming...'

-Evening, Phil.

-Hiya, Len. What are you watching?

Well, I'm watching this weird new game show,

where the host asks the question and the contestant spends as long as possible avoiding answering it.

You might have seen it, it's called Newsnight.

-LAUGHS:

-Classic, Len.

What are you doing here? You're late.

-I don't know how you do nights.

-Well, I hate it.

-Brussels!

-What's that?

I'm just saying. Europe. Cor.

-I couldn't agree with you more.

-Don't get me started.

Don't get ME started, right.

19 delegates flew into London.

19 of them, right, and they come...

Cheers, Len!

Yeah, see you later.

-God, this is exciting.

-I don't know about this.

I mean, how long before Len finds him?

Len's not gonna come up here. I told you, no-one does.

I come up here sometimes twice a day and I've never seen anyone.

Why do you come up here?

What are you doing?

Pulling down his pants.

I can see that. Why?

Humiliation. The first rule of taking a hostage. Humiliate them.

Make them feel disgusted.

This is Berkshire County Council, not Abu Ghraib.

And we haven't taken a hostage. We just happen to have one.

You need to need to start thinking like a...

Pull up his fucking pants!

There's a pipe over there. We'll tie him to that.

You should have let me go, because you are in big trouble now.

You have no idea. My uncle will kill you.

And then as soon as I'm out of this, I'm gonna tear you limb by limb.

I'm gonna smash your face off.

I'm gonna hurt you.

Oh, God, Phil, what are we doing?

What are we doing? We're saving a woman's life.

This is a game changer, Sam. The game has changed.

-Stop calling it a game.

-We hold all the cards here.

Now, you heard what he said - his uncle.

That's family, Sam. There's no stronger bond on earth.

We just have to tie him up, wait for that phone to ring

and tell him that we call the shots now.

-Where are you going?

-Home.

What! We...

I don't sleep well here.

We've got to stay with him. Keep guard.

We'll sleep in shifts. I'll take the first four hours

and then you wake me up, OK.

Sam. Sam.

-Is it my turn?

-No, it's morning.

You stayed awake all night?

Umm, yeah, I did, yeah.

KNOCKS ON FLOOR

Mmmm-mmm-mmm.

Mmmm-mm-mm-mm.

I think he's trying to say something.

Yeah.

I need the toilet.

Sam!

Morning.

You're early.

I'd be impressed...

if you hadn't taken half the afternoon off yesterday without telling me.

I'm sorry.

-Why did you ignore my calls?

-I wasn't.

You know how important this is to me.

I promise I'll do it this morning.

-Noel did it.

-Right.

Look, I think we should just sit down and talk,

because there's obviously something...

Have you...?

Yeah. It's me, that's what you can smell.

It's my fart.

That's disgusting.

I know.

I had a roast.

It was an onion gravy.

It's not going away.

I'm still doing it now.

I've been doing it the whole time we've been stood here.

You're foul.

Look, I just came up to check on the room before I bring everyone up.

Everyone up?

-Yeah, for the meeting. I just want to make sure the room's clean.

-This room? Is clean.

That's what, that's what I came up here to do.

OK. Would you mind putting some chairs out?

Yeah. No, no, no, I will.

I've just got some shit to deal with.

OK, thanks.

We all love this town.

I can see it in your faces.

Well, two years ago I had a dream.

A dream of a bright future.

Of a regenerated Bracknell.

What I wasn't expecting of course was the red tape.

Look at me, you piece of shit. Look at me.

..everybody apart from one, that is.

Because of her, we're just a few days away from realising that dream.

So I give you, your very own...

Elizabeth Green.

..Elizabeth Green, yes.

"Yes, yes, yes, Mr Reid, do me.

"Do me now."

I just want to run through how this will go...

-WHISPERS:

-I don't want to hear you make a sound

cos I will end you. Wah!

..Black tie, everyone.

Is white tie OK?

-Yes, Alan. Yes.

-Cool.

-Then on Friday...

-I bet you're shitting yourself, yeah?

Yeah?

I will take your nose. It's gone.

Where is it? Whoa. Where's your nose gone?

There it is. Put it back.

That's right, motherfucker!

I've written up what I think will be their most pressing concerns...

-See what happens if you make a sound. Go on, I dare you.

-..so please do have a look.

What's that? What?

Huh, huh? Yeah that's right.

Aaargh!

Aargh!

-PHIL:

-Aaargh!

-Aaah-ha!

Sam?

GROWLS: Aaa-have-it!

I have it.

I have it.

What do you...what do you have?

The slogan?

Let's hear it.

Now?

Yes, because you've interrupted the meeting.

OK.

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

Bracknell...

Is that it?

No.

-Unless you liked...?

-Not particularly.

No. Well, there's more, so, OK.

Bracknell...

..small town...

..big...

..future.

That's really good.

Is it?

Can we get that on a banner for tomorrow?

Yeah, can't see why not.

"Ah have it!"

Aren't you coming?

I'll be down in a minute.

Sam, this gentleman's here to see you.

You left this at our last meeting...

Sam.

Run!

'My name is Agent Jack Walker and I work for the British Secret Service.'

Get in.

You have no idea what you're involved with here -

how out of your depth you are.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd