Alan and Michelle Two Doors Down


Alan and Michelle

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-Oh, hi, Christine.

-I've just spoken to them.

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Who?

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That young couple that bought Archie's house.

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Ah, right, right.

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Hm, they were very interested to hear

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-a bit of the history of the house.

-The history?

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Well, she had no idea

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that his body had lain for so long in that living room.

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I was saying to her

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that maybe we should have a wee get-together at some point.

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Oh, aye, that would be nice.

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Oh, I told her we'd give her the chance to get in

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-and get settled first though.

-Ah, course.

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The last thing she's wanting

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is a load of folk inviting themselves over

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before she's had a chance to get her boxes emptied.

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Absolutely.

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So I told them to come across here about two o'clock.

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What?

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Thanks, Beth, you're a star.

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Oh, and by the way, that tooth came out,

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so don't bother cutting the crusts off mine.

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Two o'clock.

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This programme contains strong language.

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That's no' shut, Alan, you need to bang it.

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All right!

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You said bang it.

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Come on.

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So is that woman's house we're going to?

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What woman?

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Her wi' the joggy bottoms and hair like Rose West.

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-No, it's her neighbour.

-Right.

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Now, remember, wait until you're offered before you eat anything,

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and if there's something you don't like, use a napkin,

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don't spit it straight into the bin.

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DOORBELL RINGS

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-Hi, there.

-Hi, Mrs Baird?

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Beth, call me Beth! Are you, um...?

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I'm Michelle, pleased to meet you.

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Hi, Michelle.

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And...?

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Alan.

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Hi, Alan.

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Um, come in, come in!

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In you come.

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This is my husband, Eric.

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-How you doing?

-Hi, there. Michelle.

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Pleased to meet you.

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Alan.

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Um, right, sit down, sit yourselves down.

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Take a seat.

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No' there! Kidding you on!

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Only joking. On you go.

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Is he a bit of a joker, is he, Beth?

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That's exactly what he is.

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We were at a party one night and I sat on a whoopie cushion,

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remember that, Michelle?

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I do.

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She actually thought it was a real fart.

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I mean, mine sound nothing like that.

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So, Beth, thank you so much for the invite.

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That was really nice of you.

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Oh, that's OK.

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-How are you settling in then?

-Um, we're getting there, Eric.

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I mean, that's us all unpacked, the new carpets are down,

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and the bathroom's getting tiled at the moment.

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Three days in a row, I've had a wash at the sink, haven't I, Michelle?

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Uh-huh.

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She's using baby wipes.

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Well, I'm sure you'll get sorted soon enough.

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I hope so!

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I says to Alan, "Remind me again why we thought this was a good idea!"

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And I says, number one, nice area.

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Number two, driveway for the van.

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And number three, that place we were in was fucking tiny.

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DOORBELL RINGS

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Excuse me.

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Hi, Christine.

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Hello, Beth.

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A wee treat for you - banana loaf, Beth.

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Oh.

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Well, I thought since you were making the sandwiches,

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the least I could do is contribute a wee something.

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That's very kind of you.

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Not at all.

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Not at all, Beth.

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It was reduced to 19p and its sell-by was last Thursday,

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but it'll be fine if it's buttered heavy.

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Hello there, again.

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-Oh, hi.

-Hi, Christine.

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It's Michelle, isn't it?

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-That's right.

-And you are...?

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Alan.

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So you found it all right, then?

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Oh, no bother.

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Aye, it was basically just straight across the road,

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-wasn't it, Michelle?

-It was.

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What side is it you're on, Christine?

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Oh, wait till I think.

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What way am I facing?

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It's through that way.

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If I'm in my chair facing the window, then she's on my left.

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We're on the right, as you're looking at us, Michelle.

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Naw, naw, naw, you're wrong.

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If they're on the other side of the road looking out,

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then your house is on the left and ours is to the right.

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You're through that wall.

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And you'll be through that fucking windae

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if you keep pointing at me like that.

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Would you like a tea or a coffee?

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I'll take one, Beth.

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Alan.

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Aye, that would be magic, Beth. Take a tea off you?

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How do you like it?

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Milk and three sugars.

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-Michelle?

-Oh, I won't actually,

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I've had a couple of coffees already this morning.

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Aw, you're the same as me, Michelle.

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If I have more than two, it's like a trap door flying open.

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Or a glass of water, a soft drink or something?

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No, honestly, I'm fine.

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-I'll take a Fanta aff ya, an' all.

-Alan!

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So is there much needing done to the place, then, Alan?

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It's quite extensive, Eric, er, first things first,

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take down that wee porch at the front.

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You're what?!

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-Aye, Michelle's wanting rid of it, aren't you?

-We don't need it.

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You say that, Michelle, but what say maybes you've gone oot

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and then you come back and you've stood on a shit or something?

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Aye, right enough.

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No, look, I just want a proper front door.

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So where was it you were before here?

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East Kilbride, Eric.

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-Oh, right.

-Do you know East Kilbride?

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Um, a bit, I mean, not really.

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Aye, it's good, aye.

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Good place.

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Why did you move?

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Well, number one...

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nice area...

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-DOORBELL RINGS

-I'll get it!

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-Hey!

-Hi, Colin.

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Listen, I'm just heading up the dump. I was wondering

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if you had anything you wanted taken up.

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Um, no, I don't think so.

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Hold on, I'll ask Eric.

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And then of course, there was

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the septic toe incident in the Algarve, Michelle.

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Um, sorry to interrupt.

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Eric, Colin's at the door,

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and he's going up to the dump and he wants to know...

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# Any old iron, any old iron... #

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Oh, sorry, I didn't realise you had company.

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Wait till you meet this tit, Michelle.

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-Hi, Christine.

-Hi, Colin.

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Colin, this is Alan and Michelle.

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They've just moved in across the road.

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Ah. Into old Archie's?

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-Yeah.

-Aye, that was terrible him lying all that time in the lounge.

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I mean, I saw the cat pawing at the blinds,

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-but, no, never for a minute did I...

-Um, Eric, so, anything?

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Eh, no, I don't think so.

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Right, well, no, thanks, then, Colin.

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Are you away up the dump, are you?

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Aye, you wanting anything taken up?

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No, but I'm looking for a wicker magazine rack.

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-Well...

-Is that your wee digger across the road there?

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-Aye.

-What are you doing with that?

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-Taking down the porch.

-Are you?

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Cannae believe it.

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Madness!

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We can't see the point in it.

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Ah, she'll no be saying that

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when he trails a big dogshite onto her hall carpet!

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Aye, I got it on loan from my work.

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What is it you do, Alan?

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Tool hire.

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Oh, do you?

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I tell you what I'm looking for, Alan, a good sharp pair of scissors.

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Naw, we don't do scissors.

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Aw, see, trying to separate sausages, Michelle.

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I hired a tile cutter a couple of year ago.

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-Oh, we've got them!

-Have you?

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-Aye. I can get you one if you want?

-Naw.

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-Fucking sails through the tiles, by the way.

-Alan...

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-Honest to God. Like a laser.

-Alan!

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No, no, it was, it was last year.

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Alan, budge up and give the man a seat.

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Colin, just shove him out the road.

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Oh, right, OK.

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So, whereabouts are you?

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-Two doors down.

-That way, Michelle.

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We're over there.

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Aye. That way.

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We've just moved in.

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Have youse met Cathy yet?

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Who's Cathy?

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The wife.

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No, we've not met her.

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We've really only met Christine this morning when she came over.

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I just went across as a courtesy, you know.

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And to see if Archie's daughter had taken that big shovel away.

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Wait, I'll send her a message, tell her to come in.

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Aw, wait, I think I have seen her.

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Aye?

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-Tall, long hair?

-Aye.

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Leather jacket with a big chunky belt?

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Aye!

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Staggering out of a taxi last night the back of 11?

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Aye, that's Cathy! She was away at the yoga.

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Oh, I was making tea, wasn't I? Colin, do you want a cup?

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Um, Alan, are you having one?

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Aye. And a Fanta. I'm having a can of Fanta aff her as well.

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You should ask for one. See if she says aye to you as well.

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Aye, go on, Beth.

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Banana loaf as well.

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It's a good big stodgy one, Michelle.

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Take more than a couple of coffees to shift it.

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Hi. Only me!

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Hi, Cathy! How are...

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Are they in there?

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..you?

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Here she is!

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Hi! I'm Cathy.

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Michelle, pleased to meet you.

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Michelle - it's so nice to have a proper woman on the street.

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Oh, and this must be...

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Alan.

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Alan.

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Alan.

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Alan. Lovely to meet you.

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Oh, if I'd known you were doing welcome drinks,

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I'd have invited you to ours.

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Would you like a cup of tea, Cathy?

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Or a wine, Beth, I'm easy.

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There's a banana loaf about to make an appearance, Cathy.

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Oh, none for me, thanks, Beth.

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Are you carb free?

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Oh, I try.

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I try too, Michelle.

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Aye, until she's fucked wi' the drink,

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and now she's doon the chippy in her slippers.

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Well, Alan's got a sweet tooth, he might have some.

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Oh, do you, Alan?

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Aye, I can eat three Twixes in a row. Ever do that. Eric?

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Eh, no.

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I do.

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Sometimes I go and park the van somewhere quiet,

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turn the engine off and just eat.

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They're doing quite a bit of work to the place.

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-Are you?

-Yeah.

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They're getting rid o' that porch!

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We did tons of work to the house when we moved in, didn't we, Col?

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Did you?

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We had to - it was basically just like this.

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Oi - plate!

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So what did you have done?

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Oh, we have spent a lot of money, Michelle.

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Converted the loft, had a new en suite

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so I can see what Colin's doing in the shower,

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and the kitchen - oh, my God!

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You want to see my kitchen, Michelle.

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I've got one of those taps with the hose

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that you get in restaurants.

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Oh, right.

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So do you do a lot of cooking?

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-No.

-Well, we were thinking about knocking through from the kitchen

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to the living room, you know, just to open the place up a wee bit.

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-Are you, aye?

-Aye, it means if I'm sitting watching the darts

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she can be standing at the cooker still talking to me,

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unless somebody's on a finish.

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Oh, aye,

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You a fan of the darts yourself, Eric?

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Oh, aye, well, I don't mind the darts.

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But I've no' got Sky, though.

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Oh, I have. That's why we got it.

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Formula 1 now as well.

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-Ooh!

-Our dining room opens on to the living room

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which opens onto the decking which is where we've got the hot tub.

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Well...

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Oh - had a hot tub.

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We had to drain it when I saw a bird dipping its head in it.

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Have you done anything to this place?

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-BETH TUTS

-Um, well...

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we got that extra radiator, didn't we?

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We did.

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Are you sure I cannae tempt you to a wee slice of this, Michelle?

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It's fine with a drink of something to wash it over.

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No, thanks.

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This must just be the same way as ours.

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Do you want a look round?

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Yeah, that'd be great, thanks.

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Give them the grand tour, Beth.

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Oh, I like your jeans, missus.

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Oh, thanks.

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Michelle, could you bring a sheet of kitchen towel back with you,

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fucking butter everywhere!

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Come on through.

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Aww! Eh?

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So do youse eat in here or do youse take it through onto your knee?

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Um, it depends, really.

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We were thinking about having a breakfast bar

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as well as an actual dining table.

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Ooh!

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Telly's going up on a bracket so you can swing it both ways

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and still see it.

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Sorry, I'm just getting that wine now that I asked you for.

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Um, we did think at one point about adding on a conservatory.

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We've got one.

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We've got a conservatory.

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It gets so warm, it's amazing.

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I dry all Colin's pants in it.

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What happens to your wet pants, Alan? Tumble drier, eh?

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Mm, pants off, and into the wash, and into the tumble drier?

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There you go, naughty boy, all warm and tight for you.

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Anyway, we decided not to in the end.

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Eric, did you say it was East Kilbride

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they were in before here?

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Aye.

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Colin - look up sex offenders in East Kilbride on your phone.

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Quick.

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Seen all you want? Same as yours, right enough, Alan?

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Aye, layout's identical - sink, hob, fridge,

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only difference is she's got a bog under her stairs,

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we've no' got one of them.

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We had it put in a couple of years ago.

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Did you, aye?

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It saves you running up and down the stairs for a piss, dun't it?

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Alan.

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Yes.

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You would love our house, Michelle.

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-Wouldn't she, Col?

-Oh, aye, it's a big step up fae this.

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You should come over some time.

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Aw, that would be lovely, thanks.

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Come and have a look now if you want.

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-Eh?

-Come and have a look now.

-No. You're fine.

-Come on.

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-No, honestly.

-Come on!

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-No, honestly!

-Come now, Michelle!

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-All right!

-Beth?

-What?

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You come too, in case anything needs tidied.

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I think you're right about the porch, Michelle, I hate them too.

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-So where do you put your shoes and stuff?

-Hm?

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Like, do you just take them off in the hallway?

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I don't know what happens to them, Michelle.

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Ooh! Oh, I like that wallpaper.

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Oh, thanks!

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I took a lot of my inspiration for this room from a hotel

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that Colin and I stayed in in Dubai.

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-Have you been to Dubai, Michelle?

-I have.

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Beth - you've not been, have you?

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No.

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See.

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Have a look around, get a feel for the space,

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oh, smell the leather couch.

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Here, is it no' about time we got the beers on the go?

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-Eh?

-Oh, come on - there's Alan just moved in

0:15:060:15:09

and he's not had a beer yet.

0:15:090:15:10

Alan, you fancy a beer?

0:15:100:15:11

Aye.

0:15:110:15:12

Good man, Alan.

0:15:120:15:14

All the lads together having a swally.

0:15:140:15:16

-You got a Foster's, Eric?

-Wait and I'll see what I've got.

0:15:160:15:18

So, do you go up to the dump a lot?

0:15:230:15:25

Aye, quite a bit, Alan.

0:15:250:15:27

You'll need to tell me where it is.

0:15:270:15:29

Pat over the back took the base of a single bed up there on a bus.

0:15:290:15:32

That's where the van comes in handy.

0:15:320:15:35

Taking stuff to places.

0:15:350:15:36

Mm, have you met Pat yet, Alan?

0:15:360:15:39

Naw, I don't think so.

0:15:390:15:40

Aw, you'd know her if you saw her - a wee bit stooped,

0:15:400:15:43

looks like she's hunting for coins.

0:15:430:15:46

There you go.

0:15:460:15:48

There you go, Alan, do you want a glass with that?

0:15:480:15:50

Naw.

0:15:500:15:52

Right, here we go - first of the day!

0:15:520:15:55

Oof, it's nice and cold, thank you, Eric.

0:15:550:15:59

Right, well, cheers, Alan.

0:15:590:16:01

-Cheers, son.

-Cheers!

0:16:010:16:03

Oh!

0:16:070:16:09

Ah!

0:16:090:16:10

Oh!

0:16:100:16:11

Aw.

0:16:110:16:12

So are you doing most of the work yourself then, Alan?

0:16:120:16:14

I am, aye.

0:16:140:16:15

Except the plumbing stuff.

0:16:150:16:17

I says to Michelle, "I'm no' doing anything

0:16:170:16:19

"where I might get shite on me."

0:16:190:16:20

Well, listen, anything you need, just give us a shout.

0:16:200:16:23

And I'll send Eric straight over to you.

0:16:230:16:28

Oh, I tell you, it used to be when you moved in somewhere,

0:16:280:16:31

all the neighbours would muck in

0:16:310:16:33

and help you do the place up, remember that?

0:16:330:16:35

Aye, you're right, Eric.

0:16:350:16:37

When I lived in Johnstone, there was a man in the street

0:16:370:16:40

and he came in and wallpapered my hall for no money whatsoever.

0:16:400:16:44

Ah, that's the community spirit, eh?

0:16:440:16:45

Aye.

0:16:450:16:47

Aye. Took over a week to do it and he cleaned me out of Nescafe.

0:16:470:16:50

Never again.

0:16:500:16:51

Big double fridge, Michelle.

0:16:530:16:56

Oh, I like that.

0:16:560:16:57

And, of course, the wonderful island in the middle here.

0:16:570:17:01

Oh, I would love one of them.

0:17:010:17:03

Aren't they great? Look, I can walk right round it.

0:17:030:17:08

MICHELLE LAUGHS Ooh!

0:17:080:17:11

Oh - look at that hob!

0:17:110:17:12

Look at the size of that gas ring in the middle.

0:17:120:17:15

Isn't that amazing?

0:17:150:17:17

It'd be great for doing a stir fry.

0:17:170:17:20

Or just for lighting cigarettes.

0:17:200:17:22

It is absolutely spotless.

0:17:220:17:24

Oh, that's Colin.

0:17:240:17:26

Does he do it all, does he?

0:17:260:17:28

Yeah, he texts the cleaner every week.

0:17:280:17:30

If you want, Michelle, I can look out the brochures that we used.

0:17:320:17:35

Oh, what, for this?

0:17:350:17:36

Yes.

0:17:360:17:37

Aw, Cathy that is so sweet of you,

0:17:370:17:39

but I think we'll probably just go for something a bit more practical.

0:17:390:17:42

This is practical.

0:17:440:17:45

Oh, no, I didn't mean it like that.

0:17:470:17:49

This is practical - I can get crushed ice out of that.

0:17:490:17:52

Cathy, no.

0:17:520:17:54

And there's a fan as well, somewhere.

0:17:540:17:56

Maybe we should go back...

0:17:590:18:01

Yes, that's a good idea, Beth.

0:18:010:18:03

I would show Michelle my toilet - you'd love that, Michelle,

0:18:040:18:07

it's really practical - you can shit in it and then flush it away.

0:18:070:18:11

Are you doing anything to the upstairs?

0:18:110:18:14

Old Archie that had it, he was never upstairs -

0:18:140:18:17

he had his commode and his basin in his living room.

0:18:170:18:20

There's Artex on the ceiling in the bedroom that Michelle wants rid of.

0:18:200:18:23

Aw, that can be a bugger to get rid of.

0:18:230:18:25

I've got a mate that's a plasterer -

0:18:250:18:27

I got him to come out and have a look at it.

0:18:270:18:29

Oh, aye, and what did he think?

0:18:290:18:30

He thought it looked fucking horrible as well.

0:18:300:18:32

It'll be worth it when you get it all looking the way you want it.

0:18:320:18:35

Oh, aye.

0:18:350:18:36

I'm actually turning the back bedroom into a nursery.

0:18:360:18:38

-Aw, are you?

-Ah, I said to Beth it won't be long

0:18:380:18:42

before she's dragging a pushchair up that driveway.

0:18:420:18:45

So is she up the duff just now, is she?

0:18:450:18:48

Well, we're trying.

0:18:480:18:49

Aw, that's the best bit, Alan, plenty of it.

0:18:490:18:51

Enjoy it while it lasts, eh, Eric?

0:18:510:18:53

Oh, aye.

0:18:530:18:55

I thought I saw a new mattress getting delivered.

0:18:550:18:58

That'll be taking a hammering, will it no', Alan?

0:18:580:19:01

That's great, Alan - be nice to have more kids on the street.

0:19:010:19:04

Our Ian's grown up and away living in a flat now.

0:19:040:19:07

With a man.

0:19:070:19:09

Here, you must be knackered, all this work

0:19:110:19:14

and then you've to get your sleeves rolled up at night as well.

0:19:140:19:16

Aye, Michelle's got a thing on her phone that pings

0:19:160:19:18

and tells her when's the best time to get rode.

0:19:180:19:21

Here, Eric, we'll need to listen for that.

0:19:210:19:24

Hey!

0:19:260:19:28

Aw, here she is, how did you get on?

0:19:280:19:31

-Aye, fine.

-Did you have a go on that big leather couch?

0:19:310:19:34

Tell you, see that with a pair of crimplene slacks -

0:19:340:19:38

you're sliding about like It's A Knockout.

0:19:380:19:40

Well, I was going to ask if anyone wanted another cup of tea

0:19:420:19:45

but I can see you've already...

0:19:450:19:47

Well, we just wanted to give Alan a proper welcome.

0:19:470:19:50

Here, Alan, son, watch this.

0:19:500:19:51

Wait, wait.

0:19:530:19:55

HE BURPS QUIETLY

0:19:560:19:57

THEY LAUGH

0:19:570:19:58

Thank you!

0:19:580:19:59

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

0:19:590:20:01

HE BURPS LOUDLY

0:20:010:20:03

MICHELLE LAUGHS

0:20:030:20:04

CHRISTINE LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY

0:20:040:20:06

Michelle, would you like a drink?

0:20:080:20:10

I'm having a beer.

0:20:100:20:11

That's a beer, a tea and a Fanta I've had aff her.

0:20:110:20:15

Good man, Alan!

0:20:150:20:17

Well, I'd maybe take a wee glass of wine.

0:20:170:20:19

Wine for Michelle, Beth!

0:20:190:20:21

-She's a fucking cow.

-What?!

0:20:280:20:30

She is trouble.

0:20:300:20:32

I am telling you.

0:20:320:20:33

Oh, Cathy, don't start.

0:20:330:20:35

I say to her her jeans are nice, what do I get back?

0:20:350:20:38

-IMITATES:

-"Aw, thank you."

0:20:380:20:40

Cathy.

0:20:400:20:41

I mention Dubai so I can tell her things, she says she's already been.

0:20:410:20:45

And then I invite her into my house,

0:20:450:20:48

I walk around my island

0:20:480:20:49

and, like, switch lights on and off

0:20:490:20:51

all for her, so she can say she prefers it in here!

0:20:510:20:54

I mean, come on!

0:20:540:20:55

Oh, for goodness' sake.

0:20:550:20:56

I know exactly what she's up to.

0:20:560:21:00

I've met women like that before -

0:21:000:21:02

I've been on nights out with cabin crew.

0:21:020:21:05

She's just moved in! She seems like a very nice girl.

0:21:050:21:09

-And she's only been here two minutes...

-Aw.

0:21:090:21:11

..so go easy!

0:21:110:21:13

I'm warning you!

0:21:150:21:16

Oh, here, Alan, we've had some laughs in this street,

0:21:190:21:21

-have we no', Eric?

-Have we?

0:21:210:21:23

Remember the time that you fell on the ice?

0:21:230:21:25

Oh!

0:21:250:21:26

-THEY LAUGH

-Oh, I remember that.

0:21:260:21:29

Here, here, what about that time you locked yourself out your house?

0:21:290:21:32

THEY LAUGH

0:21:320:21:34

Oh, yeah!

0:21:340:21:36

No, no, no, no, remember that time that your ceiling came in?

0:21:360:21:40

THEY LAUGH

0:21:400:21:41

What's fucking funny about that?

0:21:440:21:46

The best, I'll tell you the best,

0:21:460:21:48

right, remember that time

0:21:480:21:49

you had the flat battery and I came out with the jump leads.

0:21:490:21:52

Eric, Eric, Eric, shh,

0:21:520:21:54

Michelle's not interested in our boring stories, are you, Michelle?

0:21:540:21:58

What happened, Eric?

0:22:010:22:03

Well, I said to Beth to park our car next to his,

0:22:030:22:06

so she reversed up to his bonnet.

0:22:060:22:08

So our boot was next to his bonnet.

0:22:080:22:11

And no' as it should have been, bonnet to bonnet.

0:22:110:22:15

Well, I wasn't thinking.

0:22:190:22:20

Unbelievable.

0:22:200:22:21

-Honestly. You want to have seen it!

-What a dozy cow!

0:22:210:22:24

Youse'll love it here.

0:22:270:22:29

Yes, you'll be very happy.

0:22:290:22:31

I tell you what - it's a brilliant place to bring up a wee baby.

0:22:310:22:35

Sorry?

0:22:360:22:37

Well, Alan and Michelle are trying for a baby, aren't youse?

0:22:380:22:41

-Well...

-Are you?!

0:22:410:22:43

Aye, she's got a thing on her phone that pings

0:22:430:22:46

when it's time for her to get pumped.

0:22:460:22:49

What are you doing talking about this?

0:22:490:22:51

Aw, we're just chatting...

0:22:510:22:52

Well, I think it's lovely, Michelle. Isn't it nice, Eric?

0:22:520:22:56

It'll be great to have kids on the street.

0:22:560:22:58

That's what I said.

0:22:580:22:59

I've got a granddaughter myself, Michelle,

0:22:590:23:03

she's living in council accommodation in North Wales.

0:23:030:23:06

What happened to the twins that were in that bungalow on the corner?

0:23:060:23:09

Fostered out.

0:23:090:23:11

Well, it's early days at the moment,

0:23:110:23:13

so let's just see what happens, eh?

0:23:130:23:16

Here's hoping!

0:23:160:23:17

Oh, oh, oh, oh, I think I should take that, Michelle.

0:23:170:23:20

Cathy!

0:23:200:23:21

No vino for the bambino.

0:23:220:23:25

See, if you do run into any trouble,

0:23:260:23:28

and you need to get your sperm checked, Alan,

0:23:280:23:30

there's a place I went that I'd highly recommend

0:23:300:23:33

cos their selection of magazines was, well, was superb.

0:23:330:23:36

You know I was done in just under, what, four minutes?

0:23:360:23:40

If you're looking for a baby-sitter, Michelle,

0:23:400:23:42

my good friend Pat over the back has recently switched to the vaping.

0:23:420:23:47

Well, we've got plenty to be getting on with,

0:23:470:23:49

with all the stuff needing done to the house, so...

0:23:490:23:52

We were just saying, Beth,

0:23:520:23:53

how everyone used to muck in and help with the old DIY.

0:23:530:23:56

That's right.

0:23:560:23:57

Ah, that's kind, but I think we'll be fine.

0:23:570:23:59

Awww. Are you sure, Michelle?

0:23:590:24:01

-Yeah.

-We can help.

0:24:010:24:03

No, honestly.

0:24:030:24:04

Cathy, she's fine.

0:24:040:24:06

Aw, poor Michelle, so much to do, unpacking boxes,

0:24:060:24:10

knocking down porches, lying on your back when your phone pings.

0:24:100:24:13

SHOUTS: Cathy!

0:24:130:24:14

I don't want your help.

0:24:170:24:19

No, no, no, I insist.

0:24:190:24:22

In fact, why don't we make a start on things right now.

0:24:220:24:27

Cathy!

0:24:270:24:29

Where's she going?

0:24:290:24:31

MACHINE BEEPS

0:24:380:24:40

What on earth?!

0:24:400:24:41

What's she doing?

0:24:450:24:48

No, no, Cathy! Cathy, stop!!

0:24:510:24:55

SHE LAUGHS

0:24:590:25:01

I'm actually going up the dump if you're needing anything shifted.

0:25:030:25:06

Just a thought.

0:25:080:25:09

SHE LAUGHS

0:25:110:25:13

# I'm gonna roll out the welcome mat for you

0:25:150:25:19

# Put on my Sunday best for you

0:25:190:25:23

# Cook up a great big stew for you

0:25:230:25:27

# That's what I'm gonna do

0:25:270:25:29

# For you, I'm gonna roll out the welcome mat for you

0:25:290:25:34

# Now that's what I'm gonna do

0:25:340:25:37

# For you!

0:25:370:25:38

# That's what I'm gonna do For you! #

0:25:380:25:41

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