Beginnings and Ends White Van Man


Beginnings and Ends

Comedy series about a man with a van. Ollie and Darren are building a wardrobe in a small room when tempers flare. Soon, it seems everyone is revealing secrets.


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Transcript


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Come on, son, calm down!

0:00:030:00:05

-You calm down!

-Don't you talk to me like that.

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-Don't talk to him like that.

-Shut up, Darren!

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-Who you talking to? It's all because of you...

-Stay out of it!

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ALL SHOUT OVER ONE ANOTHER

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This programme contains adult humour.

0:00:170:00:21

I wouldn't mind, but no-one even listens to me!

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Our baby!

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-Why's he got it?

-He doesn't need it, he's got both legs.

0:00:500:00:53

Have you seen his legs? Could be a spare.

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Maybe it's his dead wife's and he keeps it to remember her by.

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Or maybe he can't afford a golf club and he uses this instead.

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Or maybe you should put it down and help me.

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All right. Time of the month?

0:01:060:01:10

Surfing the crimson wave?

0:01:100:01:13

Arsenal playing at home, are they?

0:01:130:01:16

Are you on the rag?

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Darren, I'm not in the mood.

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-Bet you say that to all the girls.

-Oh!

-Oh, I know why you got the hump.

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Your date with Emma sucked. I'm right, aren't I?

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I told you she wouldn't put out. You'd have to pay her.

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Which reminds me, could I get an advance on my wages this month, please?

0:01:310:01:35

-What?

-What!

0:01:370:01:40

Is that how your brain works?

0:01:400:01:42

You wind me up, wind me up, wind me up, wind me up and then,

0:01:420:01:45

"Oh, can I have an advance on my wages, please?"

0:01:450:01:48

You're a dick!

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So no chance then?

0:01:510:01:52

-No.

-Oh... Oh, erm, sorry to interrupt.

0:01:520:01:57

-Oh, that's OK, Mr Sawyer, everything all right?

-Yes, yes, yes.

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I've got to pop out to pick up my pension.

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Oh, OK.

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I must get it today or I wouldn't be able to pay you gentlemen,

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or eat.

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It's just that, well, you know,

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I've got to go out.

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OK.

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And you'll still be, erm, you know...here.

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Oh!

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Listen, don't worry about it, Mr Sawyer. People leave us on our own all the time.

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We'll just be here working. Everything'll be just as you left it.

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-We won't even go through your drawers.

-What?

-No...

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It's nothing, just a joke. We won't go through your drawers, I promise.

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-Won't be long.

-Albert, go. You can trust us.

0:02:420:02:46

All right.

0:02:500:02:52

Cheeky bugger. Just for that, I'm going to nick his DVD player.

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Oh, that's a brilliant plan.

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LOCK RATTLES

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Tell me he didn't.

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He's locked us in.

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Oi! Oi, you old codger, open up.

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Calm down, he won't hear you, he's proper deaf.

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-Oi! Open this door!

-He's just anxious.

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I don't...

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I don't like being trapped, like locked in, caged in.

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Don't be daft.

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That's a violation of our human rights, that is.

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He can't do that. He can't do that!

0:03:400:03:43

Hey... What if he dies out there?

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Well, he's really old, isn't he? It could be days before people find us.

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Days, days, days...

0:03:520:03:57

No! No! No! No!

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No, let me out!

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I'll tell you what, you always manage to cheer me up.

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Oi, you can't lock me in here! What gives you the right to do that?

0:04:070:04:11

I haven't done anything wrong. You're not my dad!

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Whoa.

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'Imagine you're a whale -

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'graceful, elegant, serene.

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'Swimming in the vast, watery depths of this beautiful planet's oceans.

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'Now, deep breaths.

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'In...

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'..and out.

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'In and out.'

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DOOR BELL RINGS

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Thank God for that.

0:04:530:04:56

What a load of old bollocks.

0:04:560:04:58

Hello, Mr Curry, guess what?

0:05:000:05:01

My contractions have started.

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Ah! Is Ollie home?

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Oh, sweetheart, we talked about this weeks ago! It's not Ollie's.

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Oh, course it is. Babe! Babe! I'm here to start a family!

0:05:090:05:13

All right! I'll give him a call.

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He'll be delighted to hear from you.

0:05:150:05:18

-I spy with my little eye...

-No.

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-What?

-I'm not playing it.

-Only cos you're rubbish at it.

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-I'm not, I'm brilliant. That's what makes it shit.

-Oh! Come on then.

0:05:370:05:41

-I spy with my little eye, something beginning with R.

-Radiator.

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Lucky guess.

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Right, something beginning with...H.

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Hammer.

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-C.

-Curtains.

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Oh, my God, you're like insanely good. All right, OK.

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-Hard one. I spy with my little eye...

-Cantilevered shelving bracket.

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Come on. No, seriously, how do you do that?

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And don't you think we should ration that? It has been ages.

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Don't start, man.

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I'm not trying to mess with you, just saying, he's been ages.

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Post Office isn't that far, even with bionic hips.

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-Do you know what bit I'd have bionic?

-Don't say it.

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-Eyes, I was going to say eyes.

-No, you wasn't.

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-No, I wasn't, I was going to say knob.

-Thank you, Oscar Wilde.

0:06:300:06:34

-Oh, shit, my battery's dead.

-Why's it dead? Didn't you charge it?

-No.

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-Give me your phone.

-You're well anal about that stuff. Why didn't you charge it?

0:06:430:06:47

I just didn't. You didn't go home last night, did you?

0:06:470:06:52

-No, Darren, I didn't go home last night.

-Oh, you dirty stop-out!

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I can't believe it, you actually banged Emma.

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No, I didn't bang Emma, thank you very much.

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We just had a lovely meal and a couple of drinks.

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I just stayed over.

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Amazing.

0:07:060:07:08

-So, tell me about it. What was she like?

-I'm not talking about that.

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Don't be ridiculous, you've got to give me something to take my mind off this.

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-Were her breasts exquisite?

-Darren, I am not going to talk about this.

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-Cos when I've imagined her breasts they've been...

-Darren!

0:07:200:07:24

What are you doing?

0:07:240:07:26

You're always moaning that we don't talk enough.

0:07:260:07:28

Now's your chance. I want to know everything!

0:07:280:07:31

Apart from the bits involving you, obviously,

0:07:310:07:33

if you could edit them out, that'd be great.

0:07:330:07:37

-OK, I'll give you something. Shut your face.

-He scored with Emma.

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Hang on, you pulled a total hottie. Why are you in a bad mood?

0:07:420:07:46

-Because I work with you and you're a massive ball-bag.

-I know.

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I've been a ball-bag for ages, mate. This is something different.

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-Did little Ollie let you down?

-No. Give me your phone.

0:07:550:07:59

-I can't, it's in the van.

-Why?

-Cos I never get any calls, not important ones.

0:07:590:08:02

Brilliant.

0:08:020:08:04

MOBILE RINGS

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There, you see, look, I tried. Where's your dad?

0:08:140:08:18

Spain, but you didn't hear it from me.

0:08:180:08:20

-Tax evasion?

-Parking ticket.

0:08:200:08:23

-Parking ticket?

-Ooh!

0:08:230:08:27

-We need to get you to hospital.

-I ain't going nowhere without Ollie.

0:08:270:08:30

He'll want to be there for the birth.

0:08:300:08:32

No, we talked about this before.

0:08:320:08:35

You were calling lots of handymen

0:08:350:08:37

to try and find the one that you'd slept with.

0:08:370:08:40

Ollie turned up, you thought it was him, but it wasn't.

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And then we all thought it was Darren, didn't we,

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because you had actually had sex with him.

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But then he came round to see you, didn't he? And he had a long chat,

0:08:510:08:55

and then you remembered that it wasn't actually Darren's baby at all. It was Dave's!

0:08:550:09:00

The man who did your loft conversion.

0:09:040:09:06

Which one's Darren, again?

0:09:060:09:09

Big hair, you know, gangly.

0:09:090:09:11

-Looks like Lionel Richie.

-Oh, him, yeah, he's cute.

0:09:110:09:14

I think he did some work at my house once.

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I know... I know that!

0:09:170:09:19

Dave.

0:09:190:09:21

-That baby is Dave's.

-I don't know anyone called Dave.

-Course you do.

0:09:210:09:25

-Everyone knows someone called Dave.

-Well, I don't.

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-He did your loft conversion.

-We don't have a loft conversion.

0:09:280:09:32

Yes, you do!

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-We don't even have a loft.

-Yes, you do!

0:09:330:09:36

Ooh!

0:09:360:09:38

Oh, my God!

0:09:380:09:40

He never came to see you, did he? The lying little shit.

0:09:420:09:46

Ah! Ooh...

0:09:460:09:47

-We need to get you to hospital, quick.

-Not without Ollie!

0:09:470:09:52

Dear God, woman, you are freakishly strong!

0:09:520:09:56

-Where is he?

-I don't know.

0:09:560:09:58

-He didn't come home last night.

-Why not? Where was he?

-He had a date.

0:09:580:10:02

-Ooh! He had a date.

-With who?

0:10:020:10:06

Ah! God almighty!

0:10:060:10:09

-Liz, do you...?

-Emma, perfect. Pick a card...

-Yeah, I don't have time.

0:10:160:10:19

-I need to find Ollie. Do you know where he is?

-You haven't got time. Shame on you.

0:10:190:10:24

-Shame on you.

-Liz...

-Pick a card!

0:10:240:10:27

Right, look at the card.

0:10:300:10:31

-You memorised it?

-Yeah.

0:10:310:10:32

Good. Now pop it back in the pack.

0:10:320:10:34

-Look, can we just...

-Pop it back in the pack!

0:10:340:10:38

Right, now I'll flick through.

0:10:380:10:40

You say stop, and that will magically be your card.

0:10:400:10:44

-Stop.

-Da-da!

-No.

-What?

0:10:440:10:47

-Three of clubs.

-Bollocks. Right, hang on.

0:10:470:10:49

Oh, that's what I've done wrong. Look in your jacket pocket.

0:10:530:10:59

-Three of clubs.

-OK, right, where's Ollie?

-I dunno.

-You don't know.

0:10:590:11:03

-Call him.

-I can't get through.

-Then ask his dad.

0:11:030:11:06

-Yeah, I've tried, it's engaged.

-OK. Calm down.

0:11:060:11:08

-Do you want to leave a message?

-It's about the move.

0:11:080:11:12

What move?

0:11:120:11:14

Well, I suppose you'll find out soon enough.

0:11:140:11:17

I've been offered a job managing a restaurant in Dublin.

0:11:170:11:20

Oh! Well, congratulations.

0:11:200:11:23

-Ollie's coming with me to be head chef.

-Shut up.

0:11:230:11:27

-Ow!

-Sorry.

-I'm making it happen, Liz, it's his dream.

0:11:270:11:32

No, it's not. Guinness gives him the runs.

0:11:320:11:34

He won't leave here, he won't leave his family.

0:11:340:11:37

Well, that's not what he said last night.

0:11:370:11:39

PHONE RINGS

0:11:420:11:46

-Flatley's Hardware.

-Tony!

0:11:460:11:48

We were just...

0:11:480:11:50

What? Who's in the toilet?

0:11:500:11:53

-You're joking. I'm on my way. You've got a car, yeah?

-Erm, yeah.

0:11:550:11:58

Good. You can give me a lift.

0:11:580:12:00

-Uncle Phil!

-What?

-I've got to go out, so you're in charge.

0:12:000:12:05

I know, it's my shop!

0:12:050:12:07

And don't you dare say any of what you've just told me to Tony.

0:12:070:12:10

Seriously. I will smack you in the face.

0:12:100:12:13

-Is it because you've got a teeny knob?

-No.

0:12:210:12:25

Is it because Disney won't make The Little Mermaid II?

0:12:250:12:28

I think they already have.

0:12:280:12:31

Is it because your favourite yellow dress was in the wash and you couldn't wear it today?

0:12:310:12:36

-Darren, seriously.

-You got laid. Why are you in a mood?

0:12:360:12:39

Is it because you tried to read The Very Hungry Caterpillar and found it too hard?

0:12:420:12:46

-No.

-Is it because your hair looks like it's been cut by your dad?

0:12:460:12:50

-Darren, honestly...

-Is it because you slept with Liz and she gave you crabs?

0:12:500:12:54

-She didn't give me crabs.

-Is it because... You what?

0:12:540:12:58

It was years ago. No-one gave anybody anything.

0:12:580:13:01

Did you sleep with my sister? Did you sleep with Liz?

0:13:020:13:09

I thought you knew. We were just kids, it was just a bit of fun.

0:13:090:13:15

Ah! Darren, what was that for?

0:13:170:13:21

-That's what you do when someone sleeps with your sister, isn't it?

-No, you idiot.

0:13:210:13:25

Ah! Darren, what did you hit me again for?

0:13:250:13:29

Well, you called me an idiot.

0:13:290:13:30

Which you're proving more and more by the second!

0:13:300:13:33

You shouldn't have slept with my sister, man. You don't even like her!

0:13:330:13:37

What...you going to hit me again?

0:13:370:13:39

-Yeah, I am, yeah.

-I only slept with her once.

0:13:390:13:41

-It didn't even mean anything.

-Right, right. Outside, now!

0:13:410:13:45

We can't, we're locked in, idiot.

0:13:450:13:48

Stop calling me an idiot!

0:13:480:13:51

-I thought you knew!

-You're not in her sex diary.

-Her what?

0:13:510:13:54

-You are not in her sex diary.

-OK, OK, OK.

0:13:540:13:57

Right, I know being locked in drives you a bit mental,

0:13:570:14:01

but I'm not going to fight you, Darren.

0:14:010:14:04

Darren, stop it. I'm your boss.

0:14:060:14:08

You're not. You're just here cos you have to be. You're a rubbish boss and a rubbish handyman.

0:14:080:14:12

Right, you make it easier for me.

0:14:120:14:16

Do you want to know what it's like working with you? Eh! You lie, you cheat, you don't do any work.

0:14:160:14:21

You know, I think the only thing that you enjoy

0:14:210:14:24

is making my life hell, you know what, and I've tried,

0:14:240:14:27

I've tried, Darren. I've had enough! Do you want to know the truth?

0:14:270:14:31

I'll tell you the truth.

0:14:310:14:34

The only person holding this business back is you. It's not me. It's you.

0:14:340:14:39

OK. Darren Brown, you're fired.

0:14:440:14:47

Good. I don't care about the job.

0:14:470:14:50

Neither do you. You don't care about the business.

0:14:500:14:55

You don't care about your dad.

0:14:550:14:57

OK. See, now you've made me angry.

0:15:030:15:07

Jesus Christ, have you even passed your test?

0:15:090:15:12

I'm used to London. The roads are empty around here.

0:15:120:15:14

And yet you still appear to be trying to hit everything.

0:15:140:15:17

-Get out and walk if you don't like it.

-There's a lot of things I don't like at the moment.

0:15:170:15:22

He wants to leave. He needs to leave. I mean, look at this place.

0:15:220:15:25

You just don't get it, do you?

0:15:250:15:26

I know what he likes.

0:15:260:15:29

Can you pass my lip gloss?

0:15:300:15:32

What are these?

0:15:360:15:38

Driving glasses. I don't like them.

0:15:380:15:40

Oh, it's fine. They're just for looking at things that are far away.

0:15:400:15:44

What, like roads?

0:15:440:15:45

-We're nearly there.

-Put them on. I'm not going to die because of vanity.

0:15:450:15:50

-Yeah, I can see that.

-What's that supposed to mean?

0:15:500:15:54

No, no, nothing. Just, you know, bit of lipstick wouldn't hurt.

0:15:540:15:57

Let me tell you something, Emma, something Ollie already knows,

0:15:570:16:01

and the reason he won't be going to Ireland with you.

0:16:010:16:03

You're a scheming little tramp who nicked his idea,

0:16:030:16:06

and the only reason you want him now

0:16:060:16:08

is because you can't think of anything new to do by yourself.

0:16:080:16:12

-You're pathetic.

-TYRES SCREECH

0:16:120:16:14

Get out.

0:16:140:16:17

Oh...oh...oh.

0:16:230:16:28

Deep breaths - breathe, breathe.

0:16:280:16:30

I'm fine now. How are you doing?

0:16:300:16:33

-Yeah, OK, I think.

-Right.

0:16:330:16:36

-Where you going?

-I'm going upstairs to get my tablets,

0:16:360:16:39

-unless you're holding me hostage now, are you?

-DOORBELL RINGS

0:16:390:16:42

-Ollie!

-Dear God, she's got a death grip.

0:16:420:16:47

-Ollie!

-No, sorry, I'm...

-Emma!

0:16:470:16:50

Ah, that was good. You know it was going to happen one day.

0:17:030:17:08

Just had to get it out of our system.

0:17:100:17:13

Man, this is bad.

0:17:170:17:18

How are we going to explain this?

0:17:200:17:22

A bird flew in.

0:17:220:17:25

A bird?

0:17:250:17:27

We opened a window and a bird flew in and did this?

0:17:270:17:30

Yeah.

0:17:300:17:32

Yeah. Well, I can't see why he wouldn't believe that.

0:17:320:17:35

Oh, come on.

0:17:370:17:38

We can fix it.

0:17:380:17:40

-Ah!

-Give us your hand.

0:17:400:17:43

Listen, Darren, you know, about what I said?

0:17:450:17:49

I meant it. You're a nightmare.

0:17:490:17:51

Right.

0:17:510:17:53

But you're my friend.

0:17:530:17:56

You know, you...

0:17:560:17:58

You're family.

0:17:580:18:00

I still think you're a prick.

0:18:040:18:06

Right, then. First things first. Going to break us out of here.

0:18:110:18:15

And to do that, I need some tools from the van.

0:18:150:18:19

Listen, I'm not going to be long, so don't freak out.

0:18:190:18:23

Oh, brilliant.

0:18:500:18:51

You took your time.

0:19:060:19:07

It's a funny story.

0:19:150:19:16

What happened?

0:19:160:19:18

Have you ever heard of a white-tailed eagle?

0:19:180:19:23

No.

0:19:240:19:26

Well, one flew in, through your window

0:19:260:19:29

and just destroyed everything.

0:19:290:19:33

-But the wardrobe?

-I think it might be using that to nest in.

0:19:350:19:42

-What you doing? That's my phone.

-Keep your knickers on, I'm just...

0:19:580:20:02

seeing you've had loads of calls from my dad so I'm going to listen to your voice mail.

0:20:020:20:06

If there's any from a lady called Janise, it's not what it sounds like.

0:20:060:20:09

'Darren, do you want to tell me what the hell's going on here?

0:20:090:20:12

'Joanne's here. She's going into labour.'

0:20:120:20:15

Joanne's at my house.

0:20:150:20:17

'And why the hell does she still think it's Ollie's?

0:20:170:20:20

'You told me you'd been to see her, you lying little shit.

0:20:200:20:24

'"Not my baby," that's what you said. This baby's yours. It's time to face up to it.'

0:20:240:20:30

-I can explain.

-What? That you're a coward.

0:20:300:20:33

-Yeah.

-I knew they couldn't afford a loft conversion.

0:20:330:20:37

-Come on, don't look at me like that, we're family.

-Family.

0:20:370:20:40

She still thinks it's my baby!

0:20:400:20:41

I think you will make a lovely father.

0:20:410:20:44

I'm going to kill you.

0:20:440:20:46

I'm sorry, I thought you were Emma. I wanted to punch Emma.

0:20:490:20:54

-Liz is Darren's sister.

-Darren?

0:20:540:20:57

Oh, Jesus Christ. Darren!

0:20:570:21:00

No, I'm calling it either Tiger or Twinkle.

0:21:000:21:05

No, seriously, I give up.

0:21:050:21:07

It's not Darren's baby. You said it was someone called Dave.

0:21:070:21:12

I don't know anyone called Dave.

0:21:120:21:14

-Everyone knows someone called Dave.

-Oh!

-Darren's been lying to us.

0:21:140:21:18

It is his baby.

0:21:180:21:20

DOOR BELL RINGS

0:21:200:21:21

-Ollie!

-No, I'll get it.

0:21:210:21:25

-Twinkle?

-Yeah. Tiger for a boy.

0:21:250:21:27

-I still need to know where Ollie is.

-< Is it him?

0:21:280:21:31

No, it's...someone else.

0:21:310:21:33

It's Em... Ow!

0:21:330:21:35

Oh! What's your problem, Liz?

0:21:350:21:36

-Well, do they know when Ollie's coming back?

-Who is that?

0:21:360:21:40

-Oh, who are you?

-I'm Joanne. Ah!

0:21:440:21:47

They're getting closer together. We need to get you to a hospital now.

0:21:470:21:51

-Where's the baby's father?

-Ooh! Ollie, your baby's coming.

0:21:510:21:56

-Ollie?

-OK, everyone just stay calm.

0:21:560:21:58

-Tony, where's the job book? We need to find Ollie.

-Yes, we do.

0:21:580:22:02

-Darren, I'm serious. Come here. Come here.

-Oi.

0:22:020:22:04

Get down here while I kick the crap out of you.

0:22:040:22:07

-Dream on!

-How could you? After what we talked about. How could you?

0:22:070:22:11

-Get down here now. Do you think I'm messing?

-Hey, not the van. No, save it for Darren.

0:22:110:22:15

-Why's this tart saying this is your baby?

-Oi!

-Emma, just let me explain.

-Emma! You're Emma?

0:22:150:22:20

-Yeah, I'm Emma. You got a problem with that?

-Problem? I'll give you a problem.

0:22:200:22:24

Ah! Ollie, our baby...

0:22:240:22:28

It's not my baby, right? It's Darren's baby.

0:22:280:22:30

-Why's Darren on the van?

-Why've you got a black eye?

0:22:300:22:33

-Why've you got a black eye? What's going on?

-I'm hiding from him.

0:22:330:22:36

-Why?

-Cos he knows when Ollie's done with him it's my turn.

-Sorry.

0:22:360:22:40

-Who's that on the van?

-Darren!!

-The one whose baby it is.

0:22:400:22:43

Handyman came round to your house, did some work. Big hair. Darren. Hello? Nothing?

0:22:430:22:49

Don't get arsey with me. I'm still angry at you for sleeping with her.

0:22:490:22:53

Huh! Ollie hasn't slept with Emma...

0:22:530:22:56

have you?

0:22:560:22:58

Have you?

0:23:000:23:02

Erm...it just, sort of, happened. What do you care about who I slept with?

0:23:030:23:07

-Are you blind?

-She's in love with you, Ollie.

-No, she's not.

0:23:070:23:10

ALL : Yes, she is!!

0:23:100:23:12

Everyone knows.

0:23:120:23:13

What? Liz?

0:23:150:23:18

I'm not in your sex diary.

0:23:180:23:20

-How do you know about that?

-You have a sex diary?

0:23:200:23:22

Is there anyone you've not slept with?

0:23:220:23:24

-Yeah, her.

-That's not true. I remember it well.

0:23:240:23:27

How do you know about the diary?

0:23:270:23:29

How do you think?

0:23:290:23:30

-Where is he? Darren!

-Who?

0:23:300:23:33

Oi, dickhead, get out here now!

0:23:330:23:35

-I'm serious.

-No, not the van.

0:23:350:23:38

It doesn't matter, it's not like he's going to need it.

0:23:380:23:41

What are you talking about?

0:23:410:23:43

What's she talking about?

0:23:430:23:45

I told you not to say anything, didn't I?

0:23:450:23:48

What's going on?

0:23:500:23:52

-I'm leaving.

-Oh, that's why you've been grumpy.

0:23:520:23:55

I think so. I dunno, I dunno.

0:23:560:23:59

I've not really made my mind up, yet, but all this crap isn't helping.

0:23:590:24:03

What am I supposed to do here?

0:24:030:24:04

I've really tried to make it work, but you lot don't make it easy.

0:24:040:24:08

Dad, dad, I told you, I'm not cut out to do this.

0:24:080:24:13

I tried to do things my way,

0:24:130:24:15

but I just can't live up to your reputation. I'm sorry.

0:24:150:24:17

And Emma, Emma, sometimes I think you like me,

0:24:170:24:20

sometimes I think it's just for the stupid business.

0:24:200:24:23

What am I supposed to think about that?

0:24:230:24:25

And then you tell me Liz...

0:24:250:24:29

Oh, Liz, I didn't even...

0:24:290:24:31

You know, you're my friend, I didn't think you... My head's in bits.

0:24:310:24:35

I don't know... Joanne, love, please just look at me now.

0:24:350:24:38

This is not my baby. Right? And you, you shithouse...

0:24:380:24:42

Sorry. I'm sorry.

0:24:460:24:48

-I'll fix your room next week, all right?

-Pardon?

0:24:480:24:52

-I'll be back to fix your room next week.

-What about the bird?

-What bird?

0:24:520:24:57

The bird nesting in the wardrobe.

0:24:570:25:00

I'll sort the bird out, as well.

0:25:000:25:03

-Really?

-No. I dunno. Probably not.

0:25:030:25:06

Bloody white van men.

0:25:060:25:08

Do you know what?

0:25:130:25:14

I've worked my arse off just fixing stuff for people and no-one cares. Nobody cares.

0:25:140:25:20

I've had enough. I've had enough! Do you get me?

0:25:200:25:23

HE LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY

0:25:310:25:33

Oh, thank you very much!

0:25:330:25:38

Is this what you want, is it? Eh?

0:25:380:25:40

-I hate this stupid van.

-Calm down!

-Don't tell me to calm down.

0:25:400:25:43

-You calm down!

-Don't talk to me like that.

0:25:430:25:45

-Don't talk to him like that.

-Shut up, Darren.

0:25:450:25:49

ALL SHOUT OVER ONE ANOTHER

0:25:490:25:52

I will touch you.

0:25:520:25:53

-No-one even listens to me!

-Darren!

0:25:530:25:55

-Ah! My fist.

-Our baby!

0:25:570:26:01

-She's covered in piss. She's got piss on my boots.

-It's not piss.

0:26:010:26:06

-It is, she's pissed herself over me.

-Oh, shut-up, Darren!

0:26:060:26:10

-Which one's Darren, again?

-Him, that one there. Darren. Him.

-Oh, he's...

0:26:100:26:15

Yeah. That's Darren. See, I remember him from this angle.

0:26:150:26:19

Oh, thank you.

0:26:190:26:21

Jesus, just keep your legs closed or something.

0:26:210:26:24

Oh, my God! Stop talking. You're such an idiot.

0:26:240:26:26

-Sweetheart, you're going to be fine.

-Dad, what we going to do?

-I don't know.

-Emma's car. Keys, now!

0:26:260:26:33

Right, you're driving. There's not enough room, so who's staying?

0:26:330:26:37

-No chance. Darren, you're coming. Blondie, you're staying.

-It's my car!

0:26:370:26:42

Deal with it! Besides, your driving glasses are broken.

0:26:420:26:47

-No, they're not.

-Yeah, they are.

-Yeah, well I can still...

0:26:470:26:52

-Yeah, all right.

-Darren, Joanne, Ollie in the car now!

0:26:520:26:55

What about the van? Don't leave the van.

0:26:570:27:00

Don't worry about the van, we'll come back for it later.

0:27:000:27:03

-Don't leave the van.

-Dad, it's fine.

0:27:030:27:06

Three of clubs?

0:27:060:27:08

Yeah, I was saving that for la... it's probably not appropriate now.

0:27:100:27:14

-We need to talk.

-Not now.

-You, me, the business.

-Not now!

-I don't think I can do it without you.

0:27:140:27:18

In case you haven't noticed, this girl is having a baby.

0:27:180:27:21

We need to go, now!

0:27:210:27:25

OK, OK, all right.

0:27:250:27:29

-You're going to be OK, you know.

-Right then, everybody ready? Yeah?

0:27:290:27:34

Let's do this.

0:27:340:27:35

Everything's going to be all right, OK? We're all going to be all right.

0:27:450:27:49

Ah! Ah!

0:28:010:28:03

Something is up with Ollie. He and Darren are building a wardrobe for Albert in a small room and tempers begin to flare. Before long it seems everyone Ollie knows is revealing secrets, leaving him with a big decision to make.


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