The Unseen Bits Would I Lie to You?


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CHEERING

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Good evening and welcome to a very special edition

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of previously unseen clips from this series of Would I Lie To You?

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Joining David Mitchell tonight...

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Claudia Winkleman.

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Nick Robinson.

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Nadiya Hussain.

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David Haye.

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Romesh Ranganathan.

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Catherine Ryan.

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John Simpson.

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Professor Kate Williams.

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Michael Smiley.

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And Jason Manford.

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And joining Lee Mack tonight...

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Bob Mortimer.

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Mel Giedroyc.

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Harry Shearer. Brian Blessed.

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Diane Morgan.

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Martin Kemp.

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Sara Cox.

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Hugh Dennis.

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And Tracy-Ann Oberman.

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So we begin with Round 1, Home Truths, where our panellists

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each read out a statement from the card in front of them.

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To make things harder, they've never seen the card before -

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they've no idea what they'll be faced with.

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It's up to the opposing team to sort the fact from the fiction.

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David Haye, you're first up tonight...

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-Possession.

-Possession, ah, there's a box under your desk.

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-There's a little card in there...

-Yeah.

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Just read the card first and then show us what's in the box.

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This is a dog toy I chew to release tension before a fight.

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Right, now, pop the toy on the desk, put the box back down.

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Do you chew this every fight?

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Before every fight, yeah. Like, day-of situation.

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Do what you do, David, before... Imagine it's before a fight.

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TOY SQUEAKS

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Can I just say, David, that your eyes at that moment

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definitely said, "I wasn't expecting that."

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-This relaxes you before a fight?

-Yeah.

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When you say before a fight, you mean the hour before?

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When I'm in the hotel before the fight. I normally get to the hotel...

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If I'm fighting at 10pm, I get to the hotel around four or five,

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just chilling out there, I'll just lie on the bed just thinking...

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TOY SQUEAKS

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And it makes me feel comfortable. Then I go to sleep, wake up,

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I'm charged - feeling good.

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What about the people in the room, next to you in the hotel,

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what are they thinking is happening?

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Yeah, do they think you're making love to a clown?

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-Are we allowed to look at it?

-Yeah.

-Yes.

-Let's have a little look.

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TOY SQUEAKS

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-Right, it has been quite chewed.

-It has been chewed.

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So, what are you going to see, Lee, is it the truth

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or has he made this up?

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-I don't know. What do we think?

-No.

-You don't think he...?

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No, I think that's a lie.

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-What do you think?

-It is well-chewed.

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-TOY SQUEAKS

-But then, somebody here, backstage, could have chewed on it

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-for a couple...

-That's a hard job, isn't it?

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"What am I doing today?" "Well, it's your lucky day -

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"get chewing on that for two hours."

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They might have done.

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"I hate this job!"

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TOY SQUEAKS

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"One day, I'm going to be Director-General."

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So what are you going to say?

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-We'll go for a lie.

-You're saying it's a lie?

-Yeah.

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OK, David, truth or lie?

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It's a lie.

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Bob, you're up next...

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I recently had to charm a spider out of my shoe

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by tooting a flute at it.

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David's team...

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So, where were you?

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-I was at home.

-So was this spider a normal British domestic spider?

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-Yes.

-How big was it, Bob?

-It was...

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-It's black...but...

-And what colour was it?

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It's not the ones that have got a little body and big long legs.

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Sorry, it wasn't the type with a small body and long legs?

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-No.

-What type was it?

-You can work the rest out yourself, surely?

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-Big body, small legs.

-Yeah.

-Was this a gerbil?

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-No, that's a bird, you idiot.

-If it was a gerbil,

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I would have used a lute!

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Honestly...

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It's actually just a very everyday situation.

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My wife doesn't like spiders, very scared of them.

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It's kind of my job to get rid of spiders.

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I don't like them either, I'm not going to use my hands or whatever.

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Can you mime the blow moment?

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-Don't fall for this.

-Sorry?

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He gets me with this every week, don't fall for it, Bob.

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"I've got just the thing for you if you haven't got a flute -

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"close your eyes."

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Don't fall for it, do not...

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-Did you blow it into the shoe?

-Yes, I blew down the flute

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to bring it out into the heel area.

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-These were a kind of snakeskin elastic slipper.

-Yeah.

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Just under the windowsill -

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above where the cat litter is...

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I put them there cos I wanted to get that height and it didn't come out.

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-So you moved...

-I tapped it...

-..the slipper with the spider in it?

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I moved it, facing the cupboard where I keep the plates -

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it's got little holes in it -

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and the spider emerged.

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So, the spider emerged but didn't leave the shoe or slipper?

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-No, it didn't leave the slipper.

-Didn't leave the slipper...

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Had a look around... Back in?

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So you were no better off, were you?

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I didn't feel like I was better off,

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but at least I found out that we owned a flute, as a family.

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If I was scared of spiders,

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I wouldn't go anywhere near that slipper. I'd just leave it.

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I'm not that scared.

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-I'm ginger about them.

-OK.

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-Ginger?

-Is that right?

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-DAVID:

-It is.

-It's a word....

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I'm just not sure it's the correct word in that situation.

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You pick something up gingerly.

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It doesn't just mean the flavour ginger.

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A ginger nut is not just a biscuit.

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It could be a tentative testicle.

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LAUGHTER

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Do you now know who the flute belongs to?

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-Yes, of course, it was my son's flute.

-Is he a flautist?

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No. We hoped he would be, but he could never find the flute.

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APPLAUSE

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Well, what are you thinking?

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-Well, what I'm confused by is if you fear spiders...

-I do a bit.

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..and you believe that there's a spider in this shoe,

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-I think you would be afraid to move the shoe.

-Not at all.

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I also think you would have worried about,

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as you go to take the breath to blow it, you accidentally breathe in.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah!

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I don't have to breathe in to breathe out.

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LAUGHTER

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Michael, which way are you leaning?

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It sounds too much like the surreal world of Bob Mortimer

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to be actually the truth, I think it's a lie.

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It's a lie? Do you think it's a lie?

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Nobody in the world owns a flute really, do they?

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-We think it's a lie.

-You think it's a lie. Bob, truth or lie?

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It was...

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A lie.

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APPLAUSE

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It's John.

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OK.

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I once saw a six-foot goldfish in the jungles of South America.

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Lee's team.

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-Were you working?

-I was working.

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-What were you doing?

-I was filming this village, this tribe,

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and they made me drink the hallucinogenic drug.

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Are you telling us now you imagined you saw a six-foot goldfish?

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Yeah.

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I don't think I imagined it - I mean, he spoke to me.

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He can't have been...

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APPLAUSE

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What did he say?

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He said, "How's it going, man?"

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And what did you say?

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I didn't say very much, because it isn't very often

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that a six-foot goldfish with a straw hat speaks to you.

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It's a rarity.

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-I think you'd agree.

-Oh, definitely.

-It doesn't happen every day.

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He had a straw hat on.

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And what did you have?

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This hallucinogenic drug they drink,

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and I thought I could take a little sip,

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and say, "Oh, yes, how nice, thank you very much.

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"Perhaps I'll drink the rest later," or something.

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The whole village crowded round to watch me drink it.

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Are you sure they were there, John?

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Of course they were there! I'd crowd around too if I was going

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to watch an old white man get off his face for the first time ever!

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And at first, nothing happened,

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and I was a little bit disappointed,

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and then the moon,

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there was a full moon, and it kind of came down on a spring

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right in my face, and the trees started talking to one another.

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Have I still got you with me?

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"Back to you in the studio."

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"John Simpson, off me face, Afghanistan."

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All right, so what are you thinking?

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-I think he probably is telling the truth.

-I think it's a lie.

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I say it's a lie too.

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OK, they are saying it's a lie.

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John, truth or lie?

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Well, it's...

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true.

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APPLAUSE

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Kate, you're next.

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I used to eat so many carrots that I began to turn orange.

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Lee's team.

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Have you always had red hair?

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-Yes.

-So it wasn't that that caused it.

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They made my face and my hands and my arms

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and this part of me go orange.

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How many carrots were you eating?

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Well, about 25 on a normal day.

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25 carrots?!

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Are you talking batons or real carrots?

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Real ones - big, hairy, organic carrots.

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If things got stressful and there was a lot of things going on,

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I could hit up to 50.

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50 carrots a day? Why were you doing this?

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Why would you not? They're really nice.

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-No!

-They're not THAT nice.

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Have you ever tried a Twix?

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If you like carrots, a Twix will blow you away.

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Kate, have you ever seen the original film

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The Thing From Outer Space?

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James Arness plays the Thing, about nine feet tall,

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and they called him the carrot man.

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Is that what inspired you?

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LAUGHTER

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That's what I call a very specific question.

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I'll tell you, Brian, I did drink a lot of tea,

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I used to drink 25 cups of that,

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and I had to stop.

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In place of the 25 cups of tea, I ate carrots instead.

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-So the carrots were your tea methadone.

-Yes.

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And what did you get off the carrots with?

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Heroin!

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And as soon as you stopped, it stopped, did it?

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Well, it was a fight, Lee. It was a fight to give up

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-these things that I'd loved.

-But they're not addictive, carrots.

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-They're not like tea.

-How do you know? They really are.

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I tell you how I know, cos I have a few and that's enough.

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You're telling yourself you haven't got a problem, Lee!

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So, Lee and team, what are you thinking of this?

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-Could she be telling the truth?

-Kevin.

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-I think it's the truth.

-OK. Brian?

-I think you're telling the truth.

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-OK.

-Two truths.

-I'll go with my team.

-OK.

-My team say true.

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They're saying true.

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So, Kate, was that the truth or was it a lie?

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My love for carrots

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is absolutely true.

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Wow!

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-Martin Kemp, you're next.

-All right.

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-Here we go.

-Come on, Kempy. Come on!

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I was once rescued by London Underground staff

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after my New Romantic pantaloons got trapped in the escalator.

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David's team.

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-Can you describe the pantaloons?

-Pantaloons are like..

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Oh, he's standing up.

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In those days, they used to come up to about there,

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up past your ankles, and they would kind of bend out like this.

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Like pirate's trousers.

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Yeah. Like pirate's trousers. Vivienne Westwood.

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How long ago was this?

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1980s. Really early, though. This was before the band started.

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So it was while I was still going to the Blitz, which was kind of...

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In the '40s?!

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-Listen...

-LEE IMITATES AIR RAID SIREN

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The last of the great pop cultures.

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-So, when you say the Blitz, this is a nightclub.

-A nightclub.

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And I used to wear these pantaloons.

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And one night, we decided to have a party on the Circle Line

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that would completely just keep going around and around.

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Getting down to the Tube,

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my pantaloons got stuck in the escalator.

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And how long did it take them to arrive and free you?

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-Oh, it was a good 20 minutes.

-Did it stop?

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-Did they turn off the escalator?

-Yeah. It actually got jammed.

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-It got jammed?

-Yeah, there was some kind of monitor in it or something.

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-It stopped it.

-Back in what day was this?

-198...2?

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I don't like the sensors. There's no sensors back then.

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People used to get their fingers chopped off and all sorts.

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-In the early '80s...

-This jammed it. It went right in...

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And as soon as you jammed in it, it stopped automatically?

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Yeah, because it pulled half of my trousers down.

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I don't believe that an early '80s pantaloon would be enough to

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stop the mechanism of the whole escalator.

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What decade of pantaloon would have been able to do that?

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-Listen...

-Like a real pirate hessian pantaloon, that could stop anything.

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-That is exactly what they were.

-Right.

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What are you thinking?

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I can see that the Haymaker is very dismissive.

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Well, I think it's a very good point you make about the mechanisms

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-of early '80s escalators.

-Yeah.

-Some of them were wooden.

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-Yeah.

-I think they'd just keep turning.

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I don't think they'd stop because of a pantaloon.

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What year was the digital watch made? That was like...

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-Yeah, that will tie this all up together.

-No, no, no.

0:14:280:14:31

You're saying that the time when they just had digital watches,

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they had sensors that sensed when someone's trousers were stuck

0:14:340:14:38

in a lift that stopped? I don't buy it.

0:14:380:14:40

Don't underestimate the voluminosity of

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a Spandau Ballet pantaloon in '82.

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They were big. There was a lot of material in those pantaloons.

0:14:450:14:48

Well, there had to be.

0:14:480:14:49

-So, what are you going to say, David?

-You think true.

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-I think true, yeah.

-And you think lie.

-I think lie.

0:14:550:14:59

-I think it's a lie.

-All right, Martin, is it a lie or is it true?

0:14:590:15:03

This much is...

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lie.

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David, you're up next.

0:15:110:15:13

I've yet to find the courage to make a contactless card payment.

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I considered it once,

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but decided that full PIN entry was the safer method.

0:15:190:15:23

Lee's team, what do you think of that?

0:15:240:15:27

What do you fear, David?

0:15:270:15:29

-Well, it's a security risk, isn't it?

-Why is it a security risk?

0:15:290:15:32

Well, because you don't have to put in your PIN.

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The only security that's relevant is that you know it's you.

0:15:340:15:37

If you know it's fine, contactless and the PIN is the same thing.

0:15:370:15:41

Who among us can be sure of who we really are?

0:15:410:15:44

Where did you consider using it, David?

0:15:450:15:48

I've considered it a few times in a few places

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cos sometimes people suggest it, which I think's rather forward.

0:15:500:15:54

You know, they suggest it - "I'm sorry, am I keeping you?"

0:15:560:15:59

You know, "You haven't got time for me to enter four digits now?"

0:15:590:16:04

-Do you have an Oyster card?

-Yes.

0:16:040:16:06

Ah, so you're happy with contactless there?

0:16:060:16:09

If the Oyster card gave you the option of putting in a PIN,

0:16:090:16:12

I'd be all for it, but that's never been set up like that.

0:16:120:16:16

And I'm not so weird as to go into Oyster HQ and ask to have

0:16:160:16:19

a particular high-security Oyster card issued especially for me.

0:16:190:16:24

It's very hard to get into Oyster HQ, isn't it?

0:16:240:16:26

You have to get, like, a knife, and prise it open.

0:16:260:16:31

You have to get past Pearl on reception!

0:16:310:16:35

Hey! Come on!

0:16:350:16:36

Have you ever used it, then? Have you used it once?

0:16:400:16:43

Erm...

0:16:430:16:45

I've yet to find the courage, so no.

0:16:450:16:47

-You have a mobile phone.

-I have a mobile phone.

0:16:470:16:49

Would you ever use Apple Pay? We can't call it that. Orange...

0:16:490:16:52

Well, we can't do that. They're a company as well.

0:16:520:16:55

Would you ever use, um, Pay?

0:16:550:16:57

Would you ever use your mobile phone?

0:16:570:16:59

You can. Cos I sometimes do that.

0:16:590:17:01

I'm quite happy to get my phone out in M&S.

0:17:010:17:04

And I feel quite cool.

0:17:040:17:06

I hold it and it pays it.

0:17:060:17:08

"Do you want the receipt? No". LAUGHTER

0:17:080:17:10

No, I've never paid for anything like that.

0:17:100:17:11

You've never played for anything with Apple Pay?

0:17:110:17:13

-No.

-What? What are you talking about? Have you just got a new...?

0:17:130:17:16

Are you starting some new advert that we don't know about, Rob?

0:17:160:17:19

LAUGHTER

0:17:190:17:20

All right, so what do you think?

0:17:200:17:22

-What do we think?

-I'm very scared of it, so...

-Scared of...

0:17:220:17:24

-..I empathise with that, so, yeah, why not?

-Yeah, OK.

0:17:240:17:27

It seems so obviously him.

0:17:270:17:29

LAUGHTER You've got to go for a true.

0:17:290:17:31

-I think he fears it, yeah.

-OK. You are saying it's true?

0:17:310:17:33

David, you fear contactless payment.

0:17:330:17:36

Truth or lie?

0:17:360:17:37

It is, in fact...

0:17:370:17:38

a lie.

0:17:380:17:40

Ooh, he loves it.

0:17:400:17:41

APPLAUSE

0:17:410:17:42

Tracy-Ann, you are up next.

0:17:440:17:46

I have never, ever drunk a can of fizzy drink in my life.

0:17:460:17:50

-What?!

-LAUGHTER

0:17:500:17:51

Never. Ever?

0:17:510:17:53

There's a limit to what we can ask here.

0:17:530:17:55

-LAUGHTER

-Have you ever had a can of Coke?

0:17:550:17:57

-Never.

-Oh! Erm...

0:17:570:17:59

LAUGHTER

0:17:590:18:00

7-Up?

0:18:000:18:01

Nope.

0:18:010:18:02

Do you not like fizzy drinks?

0:18:020:18:04

All the evidence is there, isn't it?

0:18:040:18:06

LAUGHTER

0:18:060:18:07

How do you know you don't like fizzy drink?

0:18:070:18:09

Because, to me, even as a child,

0:18:090:18:11

water was something that was natural and lovely and pure.

0:18:110:18:14

-Why somebody would stick carbon...

-As a child?

0:18:140:18:16

-As a teenager?!

-..with a whole load of sugar...

0:18:160:18:18

Even as a young child, it just felt like the devil's work.

0:18:180:18:21

So, Tracy-Ann, can I tempt you to try a sugary carbonated drink?

0:18:210:18:27

-But...

-Now, would you be willing to try one of these?

0:18:270:18:30

Bring it over.

0:18:300:18:31

And, well, let's see how far I can get in the process.

0:18:310:18:33

Look, the whole thing with the big, famous one.

0:18:330:18:36

It's 125 years old. It's a secret recipe.

0:18:360:18:39

The fact that it is still a secret, after 125 years,

0:18:390:18:42

means it was made by the devil.

0:18:420:18:43

LAUGHTER

0:18:430:18:44

This is a diet drink. This is full sugar.

0:18:440:18:47

And this is also a sugary drink.

0:18:470:18:49

Rob, can I ask...

0:18:490:18:51

what is the point of this exercise?

0:18:510:18:53

-LAUGHTER

-To see if I'm lying!

-Well, if...

0:18:530:18:55

No, because obviously... you're clearly going to be capable

0:18:550:18:58

of going, "Oh, no. I don't want a fizzy drink."

0:18:580:19:00

You're not going to be such a fizzy drink addict

0:19:000:19:03

that you can't stop yourself from going,

0:19:030:19:05

-"Oh, yes, I do love it!"

-LAUGHTER

0:19:050:19:06

"I do love it. Absolutely!"

0:19:060:19:08

"Yes, it was a lie and I'd do it again!"

0:19:080:19:09

LAUGHTER

0:19:090:19:11

Because, if she is telling the truth, what a lovely opportunity.

0:19:110:19:14

How often have you seen a grown woman

0:19:140:19:17

taking her first sips of a sugary carbonated drink?

0:19:170:19:21

LAUGHTER

0:19:210:19:22

-The best thing this can be is cruel.

-LAUGHTER

0:19:220:19:25

Right, OK. Which one are you going for?

0:19:250:19:28

That one.

0:19:280:19:29

-Don't... I don't want...

-So, we can lose these two?

0:19:290:19:31

-Let's bring it here.

-You haven't sha...

0:19:310:19:33

I haven't... Shut your face.

0:19:330:19:34

You've made the most light entertainment bit I've ever seen!

0:19:340:19:37

"Lose them two. Those are safe.

0:19:370:19:39

"That's your bus fare home".

0:19:390:19:40

LAUGHTER "They're fine.

0:19:400:19:42

"You're just playing now for the red can, love.

0:19:420:19:44

"Just the red can!" APPLAUSE

0:19:440:19:45

Where have you come from tonight, Tracy-Ann?

0:19:450:19:48

LAUGHTER

0:19:480:19:49

Do you want to give a wave to everybody back home there?

0:19:490:19:51

LAUGHTER She's gone for the red can.

0:19:510:19:53

So, this may or may not be Tracy-Ann's first time

0:19:530:19:57

-drinking a sugary carbonated drink.

-Oh, God!

-Go on, Tracey.

0:19:570:20:00

Don't drink it if you don't want to!

0:20:000:20:02

-Yeah.

-You've made your point!

0:20:020:20:03

-Have I? Have I?

-You don't have to!

0:20:030:20:05

CAN CLICKS AND FIZZES

0:20:050:20:06

-LAUGHTER

-I'm getting better at the opening.

0:20:060:20:09

No. It's...it's wrong.

0:20:090:20:10

-Can you not even sip it?

-No.

-I think that's...

0:20:100:20:12

So, you're definitively saying that you are not going to drink it?

0:20:120:20:15

-GASPING

-She's drinking it.

-Ooh!

0:20:150:20:17

Oh, my God! It's everything I thought it was going to be!

0:20:180:20:20

-It's disgusting!

-LAUGHTER

0:20:200:20:21

Ooh, get used that phrase, Rob.

0:20:210:20:23

LAUGHTER

0:20:230:20:25

APPLAUSE

0:20:250:20:26

Horrible!

0:20:260:20:27

LAUGHTER

0:20:270:20:28

All right. There we are.

0:20:320:20:34

So, what are you going to say?

0:20:340:20:35

Was she acting?

0:20:350:20:37

-I think you are brilliant.

-She's been in EastEnders.

0:20:370:20:39

Would she be that good an actress

0:20:390:20:41

to convince you? LAUGHTER

0:20:410:20:43

I instinctively... I liked the...

0:20:430:20:45

-The shining cans were great.

-Yes, yes.

0:20:450:20:46

You know, the different colours.

0:20:460:20:48

-I think it's a great addition to the format.

-Yes.

0:20:480:20:50

LAUGHTER

0:20:500:20:51

I think we think it's a lie.

0:20:510:20:53

OK. Tracy-Ann...

0:20:530:20:55

truth or lie?

0:20:550:20:57

-It's the truth.

-Ah!

-No!

0:20:570:20:59

APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH

0:20:590:21:01

Hugh, you're up next.

0:21:030:21:04

As a child,

0:21:040:21:06

my family weren't able to have a dog.

0:21:060:21:08

So, instead, we got a cat

0:21:080:21:10

and treated it like a dog.

0:21:100:21:12

LAUGHTER

0:21:120:21:13

David's team?

0:21:130:21:15

When you say "weren't able to have a dog",

0:21:150:21:16

was there a medical reason for it?

0:21:160:21:18

LAUGHTER

0:21:180:21:20

No. It was...

0:21:200:21:22

Essentially, there was nowhere

0:21:220:21:24

to exercise a dog, where we lived.

0:21:240:21:27

So my parents decided that it wasn't really fair have a dog.

0:21:270:21:30

-Where did you live?

-So, I wasn't able...

0:21:300:21:32

Well, weirdly, it was called the Isle of Dogs.

0:21:320:21:35

LAUGHTER

0:21:350:21:37

What was the cat called?

0:21:370:21:39

The cat was called Kisska.

0:21:390:21:41

-Kisska?

-Yeah.

0:21:410:21:42

If anything, it's quite a feline name. Isn't it?

0:21:420:21:45

Well, it was a cat. Of course...

0:21:450:21:47

LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH

0:21:470:21:48

How do you treat a cat like a dog?

0:21:480:21:52

You put it on a lead

0:21:520:21:54

-and you take it for walks.

-LAUGHTER

0:21:540:21:56

Isn't that exercising the cat?

0:21:560:21:58

That is exercising the cat.

0:21:580:22:00

I thought that was the very reason why you couldn't have a dog.

0:22:000:22:03

LAUGHTER

0:22:030:22:04

That you were unable to exercise it.

0:22:040:22:07

LAUGHTER

0:22:070:22:08

Wherever we went during the day, the cat came with us.

0:22:080:22:12

-On a lead.

-Yeah, on a lead, but...but...

0:22:120:22:15

the lead isn't really long enough for a cat,

0:22:150:22:17

so we used to tie a 30-foot washing line...

0:22:170:22:21

LAUGHTER

0:22:210:22:22

..to the lead, and you could walk at least 30 yards.

0:22:220:22:27

And dry your clothes at the same time!

0:22:270:22:30

When you would take this... You'd take the cat out in the car,

0:22:310:22:35

what would be the arrangement in the car,

0:22:350:22:36

if you were going on a journey?

0:22:360:22:38

Well, my dad built the cat a shelf,

0:22:380:22:41

which went...

0:22:410:22:42

..from the dashboard of the passenger seat...

0:22:440:22:48

-And slotted in...

-Can I just say...?

0:22:480:22:52

..slotted into the metal of the headrest.

0:22:520:22:54

..if this turns out to be a lie and they get it right

0:22:540:22:57

that it's a lie, you have made life extremely hard for yourself.

0:22:570:23:00

Why couldn't the cat just be the on the seat?

0:23:020:23:05

Why does the cat need a shelf?

0:23:050:23:07

Cos the cat couldn't see if it was on the seat.

0:23:070:23:09

So what are you thinking, David's team?

0:23:100:23:12

The thing that I find very believable, cos I don't think Hugh

0:23:120:23:16

would have invented it, is the shelf.

0:23:160:23:18

It's not actually treating a cat like a dog or like a cat

0:23:200:23:23

but just like, I don't know, like a book.

0:23:230:23:25

Or like a catalogue.

0:23:270:23:29

-What are you going to say?

-Do you think a lie?

-I think a lie.

0:23:340:23:37

-I think a lie.

-A lie? Well, we'll say it's a lie.

0:23:370:23:39

You're going to say it's a lie, OK.

0:23:390:23:41

Hugh Dennis, is it true or is it a lie?

0:23:410:23:44

It is in fact...

0:23:440:23:46

-true.

-Ah!

0:23:460:23:48

Nick, you're next.

0:23:520:23:53

I'm the BBC Newsroom's rock, paper, scissors champion.

0:23:550:23:59

Having recently stolen the crown from George Alagiah.

0:23:590:24:02

-Oh, Lee's team.

-How often is the championship?

0:24:040:24:06

Quite often at the end of a news bulletin, people are there.

0:24:060:24:09

There's a championship at the end of every news bulletin?

0:24:090:24:13

Not everyone but, you know, if it's not been a particularly stressful day.

0:24:130:24:16

How often would you say that you've had

0:24:160:24:17

a championship at this in your office?

0:24:170:24:20

Not every day is the championship

0:24:200:24:22

but there might be a particular contest.

0:24:220:24:23

I'll ask you one more time, Nick, and then...

0:24:230:24:26

You know how frustrated you get when you are interviewing a politician?

0:24:260:24:29

I'll put it to you.

0:24:290:24:30

How often is what you would call the championship?

0:24:300:24:33

I think it's more random than it is regular.

0:24:330:24:36

See, I was often at Downing Street doing broadcasting...

0:24:360:24:38

Is there a delay between when I'm speaking

0:24:380:24:41

and to what your ears are perceiving?

0:24:410:24:43

Cos I want to know, an average, per year,

0:24:430:24:46

how many times you would have what they call a championship.

0:24:460:24:48

And, trust me, I will not stop asking this question.

0:24:480:24:50

-I am persistent.

-Around about 20 a year.

-20 a year.

0:24:510:24:55

So you are the current champion.

0:24:550:24:57

Who was the one that you took over from?

0:24:570:24:59

-George Alagiah.

-George Alagiah.

0:24:590:25:00

Who was the previous champion before George?

0:25:000:25:02

-Huw Edwards.

-And before him?

0:25:020:25:05

-Fiona Bruce.

-All right, let me rephrase the question.

0:25:050:25:07

Can you just randomly list newsreaders?

0:25:070:25:10

Because I can't help thinking that's what's going on here.

0:25:140:25:17

There's another easy way.

0:25:170:25:19

Why don't you nominate, Lee,

0:25:190:25:20

someone in your team to represent your team in rock, paper, scissors?

0:25:200:25:24

So you want to prove he's telling the truth, we're going to give him

0:25:240:25:27

a chance to have a 50-50 chance of getting...

0:25:270:25:29

It's not 50-50, is it?

0:25:290:25:30

If you went up against Derren Brown,

0:25:300:25:32

I reckon he'd probably win 100% of the time.

0:25:320:25:35

Do you know what? Weirdly,

0:25:350:25:36

I'm joking but there is actually, and this is true...

0:25:360:25:38

I know there is, so why don't you try this technique now, you idiot?

0:25:380:25:41

-OK.

-That's what I'm trying to get you to do.

0:25:410:25:43

Oh, I see.

0:25:430:25:44

So we'll play now, then, between... It'll be you representing you.

0:25:440:25:48

-Right, can I just...?

-You've got to work out

0:25:480:25:50

at what point you're going to show your paper or your...

0:25:500:25:53

Because something to do with,

0:25:530:25:54

on the third, or they do one, two, three, and then do it.

0:25:540:25:57

Thank you, Sarah.

0:25:570:25:59

This show does have a host.

0:25:590:26:01

I can guarantee that I'll win over best of three.

0:26:040:26:06

What we're going to do is I'm going to say something to you

0:26:060:26:09

and then you can't pause,

0:26:090:26:10

-you've just got to do it.

-OK.

-So, are you ready?

0:26:100:26:13

Right, can I genuinely say I think you're a terrible broadcaster.

0:26:130:26:15

Here we go.

0:26:150:26:17

One, two, three, boom.

0:26:170:26:20

-Oh! Rock beats scissors. He's beaten you.

-Oh.

-Good, good.

0:26:200:26:23

-One-nil.

-Don't let him get to you.

0:26:230:26:25

Are you ready for the second one?

0:26:280:26:29

And can I also say, genuinely, that your glasses are awful.

0:26:290:26:33

One, two, three, boom.

0:26:330:26:36

-Oh, paper beats rock.

-Yes!

0:26:360:26:39

So we've reached possibly the most tense moment of this competition.

0:26:410:26:45

It's a decider. Lee, do you want to try some subterfuge?

0:26:460:26:50

Backstage, you're a bit smelly.

0:26:500:26:52

One, two, three, boom.

0:26:530:26:56

ALL: Oh!

0:26:560:26:58

We've got to try again. We've got to go again.

0:26:580:27:00

I'm running out of insults and I don't want to say bald.

0:27:000:27:03

But you've left me no option.

0:27:050:27:06

I didn't know it was going to go to a penalty shootout.

0:27:060:27:08

Here we go.

0:27:080:27:09

Can you imagine if this gives me the draw by number 27?

0:27:090:27:12

"I've had your wife!"

0:27:120:27:13

-Here we go.

-She still remembers?

0:27:160:27:18

One, two, three, boom.

0:27:200:27:23

Yeah! Oh, my word. Come on. That will do, that will do.

0:27:230:27:29

The theory still holds.

0:27:290:27:30

Cos it would have to be over a longer period of time.

0:27:300:27:32

There has been some scientific evidence to prove that

0:27:320:27:35

if you insult somebody directly before rock, paper, scissors,

0:27:350:27:38

they are slightly more likely to use scissors.

0:27:380:27:40

You're saying somebody got a grant to do research on that.

0:27:400:27:43

-Well, Nick is obviously very good at it. He's beaten you.

-Yes.

0:27:450:27:49

Is he the Newsroom champion?

0:27:490:27:50

-OK, we'll say it's a lie.

-OK.

0:27:500:27:53

Nick, truth or lie?

0:27:530:27:55

It is a lie.

0:27:550:27:58

Nice work, team. Nice work.

0:27:580:28:00

Well, that's all we've time for

0:28:020:28:04

on this special edition of Would I Lie To You?

0:28:040:28:06

Thanks for watching. Goodnight.

0:28:060:28:07

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