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APPLAUSE | 0:00:16 | 0:00:18 | |
Good evening, welcome to Would I Lie To You, | 0:00:24 | 0:00:26 | |
the show in which it pays to be economical with the truth. | 0:00:26 | 0:00:30 | |
On Lee Mack's team tonight, an athletic super star, | 0:00:30 | 0:00:32 | |
who in 2000 was given the freedom of Wolverhampton - | 0:00:32 | 0:00:36 | |
gift or punishment, you decide, it's Denise Lewis. | 0:00:36 | 0:00:39 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:00:39 | 0:00:40 | |
And the star of Judge Rinder, who once appeared on Strictly | 0:00:43 | 0:00:47 | |
dressed as a moth, a beautiful performance, although he did | 0:00:47 | 0:00:51 | |
keep banging his head on the studio lights, it's Robert Rinder. | 0:00:51 | 0:00:55 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:00:55 | 0:00:56 | |
And on David Mitchell's team tonight, | 0:00:58 | 0:01:01 | |
a TV presenter who's hosted over one thousand episodes | 0:01:01 | 0:01:05 | |
of his Pointless show. I know how he feels, it's Richard Osman. | 0:01:05 | 0:01:08 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:01:08 | 0:01:09 | |
And a comedian and presenter who had to leave her native Canada | 0:01:12 | 0:01:16 | |
as she'd already been on both of their TV shows, it's Katherine Ryan. | 0:01:16 | 0:01:20 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:01:20 | 0:01:21 | |
Hello. | 0:01:21 | 0:01:22 | |
And so we begin with round one, Home Truths, where our panellists | 0:01:24 | 0:01:28 | |
each read out a statement from the card in front of them. | 0:01:28 | 0:01:30 | |
Now, to make things harder, they've never seen the card before, | 0:01:30 | 0:01:34 | |
they have no idea what they'll be faced with | 0:01:34 | 0:01:36 | |
and it's up to the opposing team to sort the fact from the fiction. | 0:01:36 | 0:01:39 | |
Richard, you're first up tonight. | 0:01:39 | 0:01:41 | |
When I worked in a shoe shop, my boss was called Mr Clog. | 0:01:41 | 0:01:46 | |
Remarkably, I've had three other jobs where my boss' name was | 0:01:49 | 0:01:54 | |
directly related to their profession. | 0:01:54 | 0:01:57 | |
-Hm. -What? | 0:02:00 | 0:02:01 | |
The obvious question to ask is what were those jobs | 0:02:01 | 0:02:04 | |
and what were these people's names? | 0:02:04 | 0:02:06 | |
Yeah, it is an obvious question, is it maybe too obvious a question? | 0:02:06 | 0:02:09 | |
Maybe go somewhere else first, just... | 0:02:09 | 0:02:11 | |
I want to know about the first, just tell us one of the jobs. | 0:02:11 | 0:02:15 | |
At school I worked in a warehouse and the boss was called Mr Foreman. | 0:02:15 | 0:02:21 | |
Mr Foreman? OK what was your job? | 0:02:21 | 0:02:25 | |
-My... -Getting stuff down from the top shelf, obviously. | 0:02:25 | 0:02:28 | |
How would you rate Foreman as a boss? | 0:02:30 | 0:02:33 | |
If he was suspicious would he grill you? | 0:02:33 | 0:02:35 | |
Foreman? Yeah, listen. | 0:02:35 | 0:02:37 | |
Very good. OK... | 0:02:40 | 0:02:41 | |
Why did you have so many jobs, did you keep getting sacked? | 0:02:41 | 0:02:45 | |
No further questions. | 0:02:45 | 0:02:47 | |
-What were the other two jobs? -Yeah, what was the other jobs? | 0:02:47 | 0:02:50 | |
I worked in, do you remember the predecessor to Iceland which | 0:02:50 | 0:02:54 | |
-was Bejam? -Yeah. | 0:02:54 | 0:02:55 | |
My supervisor was called John Frost. | 0:02:55 | 0:02:57 | |
Frost, Bejam, you can see Bejam didn't last, | 0:02:57 | 0:03:00 | |
because people would go, why didn't they just call it Honey? | 0:03:00 | 0:03:03 | |
Your final job was? | 0:03:06 | 0:03:07 | |
Well, it was my first-ever job in television. | 0:03:07 | 0:03:09 | |
-Right. -And that was? | 0:03:09 | 0:03:11 | |
It was, well, it was a researcher on a computer games programme. | 0:03:11 | 0:03:14 | |
-OK, and your, your boss was called? -My boss was called Tony Verrill? | 0:03:14 | 0:03:17 | |
-What does that mean? -What's Verrill? -What does, what does Verrill mean? In relation to what? | 0:03:17 | 0:03:20 | |
What do you mean? It's a surname, but his initials were TV. | 0:03:20 | 0:03:23 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:03:23 | 0:03:24 | |
Very good, very good. | 0:03:28 | 0:03:30 | |
Of all these bosses that you remember, Richard, | 0:03:30 | 0:03:35 | |
who would you say was your favourite boss, | 0:03:35 | 0:03:37 | |
what was it about that boss that made them so adorable? | 0:03:37 | 0:03:40 | |
Well, John Frost wasn't really my boss, so I liked him. | 0:03:40 | 0:03:43 | |
We had a bit more of - a bit more of a relationship. | 0:03:43 | 0:03:45 | |
Mr Foreman, I found that was quite stressful as it was | 0:03:45 | 0:03:48 | |
one of my first-ever jobs, and Tony Verrill still | 0:03:48 | 0:03:50 | |
works in the industry so I will not be passing comment. | 0:03:50 | 0:03:53 | |
Tony Verrill still works in the industry. | 0:03:53 | 0:03:56 | |
-I've never come across him. -Yeah I've not come across Tony Verrill. | 0:03:56 | 0:03:59 | |
What, have you come across him, David? | 0:03:59 | 0:04:01 | |
Um... Yeah, I think I've worked with Tony Verrill. | 0:04:01 | 0:04:04 | |
I'm pretty sure, not 100% but, yeah. | 0:04:04 | 0:04:08 | |
-Do you know who Tony Verrill is? -I've no... -Tony Verrill? | 0:04:08 | 0:04:10 | |
-No, never heard of him. -It's weird that none of us three have heard of Tony Verrill | 0:04:10 | 0:04:14 | |
and yet all you three have heard of Tony Verrill. | 0:04:14 | 0:04:16 | |
-Katherine hasn't. -Katherine hasn't. -Katherine has or hasn't? | 0:04:16 | 0:04:19 | |
-I haven't, but it rings a bell. -Oh, so you sort of... | 0:04:19 | 0:04:22 | |
-What do you think, truth or lie? -Truth or a lie? | 0:04:22 | 0:04:24 | |
The thing is I think you're almost certainly sort of geeky | 0:04:24 | 0:04:27 | |
enough to keep a record of that sort of thing | 0:04:27 | 0:04:29 | |
and it's the type of thing that would amuse you | 0:04:29 | 0:04:31 | |
and you'd remember at the time on the other hand it's also | 0:04:31 | 0:04:33 | |
the type of thing that you could quickly construct to be clever. | 0:04:33 | 0:04:36 | |
It's a challenging one. | 0:04:36 | 0:04:37 | |
-What do you think? -Lie? | 0:04:37 | 0:04:39 | |
Yes, I think so. | 0:04:39 | 0:04:40 | |
-We'll have to say lie. -You're going to say lie, OK. | 0:04:40 | 0:04:43 | |
-Just cos of Tony Verrill. -Richard, truth or lie? | 0:04:43 | 0:04:45 | |
It is... | 0:04:45 | 0:04:46 | |
A lie. | 0:04:47 | 0:04:48 | |
Very good. | 0:04:50 | 0:04:52 | |
Yes, it's a lie, Richard's never worked in a shoe shop with Mr Clog. | 0:04:52 | 0:04:56 | |
Denise, you're next. | 0:04:56 | 0:04:57 | |
Mine says possession. | 0:04:58 | 0:05:00 | |
Ah, OK, under your desk is a box. If you take the object | 0:05:00 | 0:05:03 | |
out of the box first, and then read the card, please. | 0:05:03 | 0:05:10 | |
This is my lucky mascot. When competing I always made sure | 0:05:11 | 0:05:14 | |
he travelled in an unzipped bag | 0:05:14 | 0:05:16 | |
so he could poke his head out and breathe. | 0:05:16 | 0:05:19 | |
David's team. | 0:05:20 | 0:05:22 | |
What's his name? | 0:05:22 | 0:05:23 | |
His name's Egbert. | 0:05:23 | 0:05:25 | |
-Egbert. -Egbert. | 0:05:25 | 0:05:26 | |
And when did you acquire Egbert? | 0:05:26 | 0:05:28 | |
About the age of 14. | 0:05:30 | 0:05:32 | |
I notice you said that you'd keep the zip open so he could | 0:05:32 | 0:05:36 | |
breathe, which is very caring and lovely, but of course, | 0:05:36 | 0:05:39 | |
ever since the show started he's been in that box... | 0:05:39 | 0:05:43 | |
..with the lid the lid... | 0:05:44 | 0:05:46 | |
Don't worry, Denise, he'll be all right! | 0:05:54 | 0:05:56 | |
So when, when did you first take it? | 0:05:56 | 0:05:58 | |
So presumably he brings you luck in sporting endeavour? | 0:05:58 | 0:06:02 | |
I think it was just companionship, you know. I'm an only child | 0:06:02 | 0:06:05 | |
and travelling, you know, as a junior athlete on my own, | 0:06:05 | 0:06:09 | |
it can be a bit lonely. | 0:06:09 | 0:06:11 | |
I can understand why, you know, it's nice to have familiar | 0:06:11 | 0:06:15 | |
objects and, but, at the age of 14 | 0:06:15 | 0:06:17 | |
that's quite late to get a teddy bear. | 0:06:17 | 0:06:20 | |
I wasn't given any cuddly toys at that age and I was a very.... | 0:06:20 | 0:06:24 | |
Ah! | 0:06:24 | 0:06:25 | |
That is so clear to anybody watching now that you were never given | 0:06:25 | 0:06:29 | |
a cuddly toy at that or any age. | 0:06:29 | 0:06:32 | |
Have you ever put any of your gold medals around his neck | 0:06:33 | 0:06:36 | |
-and taken a photograph? -I think I have, yeah. | 0:06:36 | 0:06:38 | |
If I had a gold medal I'd put it round everything. | 0:06:38 | 0:06:40 | |
Oh, what a horrible image that is. | 0:06:40 | 0:06:42 | |
All right, time to decide. | 0:06:47 | 0:06:49 | |
Truth or lie? | 0:06:49 | 0:06:51 | |
I would suspect it's true. | 0:06:51 | 0:06:52 | |
You think true, what do you think? | 0:06:52 | 0:06:54 | |
I don't think it's true because when Mr Lee Mack was sort of | 0:06:54 | 0:06:58 | |
resuscitating the bear, Denise wasn't too bothered about that. | 0:06:58 | 0:07:03 | |
-Well, let's say lie. -You're going to say lie. | 0:07:03 | 0:07:05 | |
-So we'll say lie. -It's a lie. | 0:07:05 | 0:07:06 | |
Denise Lewis, truth or lie? | 0:07:06 | 0:07:10 | |
-It's true. -KATHERINE: -No! | 0:07:12 | 0:07:14 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:07:14 | 0:07:15 | |
Yes, it's true, Denise did keep the zip open | 0:07:18 | 0:07:21 | |
so that Egbert could breathe. | 0:07:21 | 0:07:25 | |
Our next round is called This Is My, where we bring on a mystery guest | 0:07:25 | 0:07:28 | |
who has a close connection to one of our panellists. | 0:07:28 | 0:07:30 | |
Now, this week, each of Lee's team will claim it's them | 0:07:30 | 0:07:33 | |
that has the genuine connection to the guest, | 0:07:33 | 0:07:36 | |
it's up to David's team to spot who's telling the truth. | 0:07:36 | 0:07:38 | |
So please welcome this week's special guest, Edward. | 0:07:38 | 0:07:41 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:07:41 | 0:07:42 | |
So, Robert, what is Edward to you? | 0:07:49 | 0:07:52 | |
This is Edward and I had such a crush on him at school that for | 0:07:52 | 0:07:58 | |
the past 20 years his name has been the basis for all of my passwords. | 0:07:58 | 0:08:03 | |
So, Denise, what is Ed to you? | 0:08:05 | 0:08:10 | |
This is Edward, and he helped me pick up my car | 0:08:10 | 0:08:13 | |
and move it after I got blocked in by Daley Thompson. | 0:08:13 | 0:08:16 | |
And finally, Lee, what is your relationship with Edward? | 0:08:17 | 0:08:21 | |
This is Edward. I once dressed up as his wife so that his son | 0:08:21 | 0:08:27 | |
would think that he'd seen his mum in the audience at the school play. | 0:08:27 | 0:08:32 | |
So, there we have it. | 0:08:35 | 0:08:36 | |
Is Edward Robert's childhood crush, | 0:08:38 | 0:08:40 | |
Denise's car carrier or Lee's hoax husband? | 0:08:40 | 0:08:44 | |
David's team, where to begin? | 0:08:44 | 0:08:46 | |
Robert, so were you school buddies together? | 0:08:46 | 0:08:49 | |
Not especially, because Edward was terribly good at sport, you see. | 0:08:49 | 0:08:53 | |
I seem to remember Edward being terribly good at the pole vault. | 0:08:53 | 0:08:57 | |
How are you still in touch with Edward? | 0:09:00 | 0:09:03 | |
We're not. I haven't seen Edward for a number of years, in fact. | 0:09:03 | 0:09:06 | |
-RICHARD: -How is he doing, do you think? Would you still? | 0:09:06 | 0:09:08 | |
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE | 0:09:08 | 0:09:10 | |
Can I just say that as my fake husband, I have. | 0:09:16 | 0:09:18 | |
I'd say he's definitely moved into a new bracket. | 0:09:21 | 0:09:25 | |
-Yeah. -But a very happy one. | 0:09:26 | 0:09:27 | |
Yes, he's doing very well I'd say. You know. Very, very well indeed. | 0:09:27 | 0:09:32 | |
Now, you said you hadn't seen him for a number of years. | 0:09:33 | 0:09:35 | |
-No, a number of years. -Specifically, when was the last time you saw him? | 0:09:35 | 0:09:38 | |
The last time I would have seen him would probably be 1993 or '94. | 0:09:38 | 0:09:42 | |
1993 or 4? | 0:09:42 | 0:09:44 | |
But there wasn't the need for passwords | 0:09:44 | 0:09:47 | |
until around the year 2000. | 0:09:47 | 0:09:49 | |
Well, yes, but they then came in, I thought what would be more | 0:09:49 | 0:09:52 | |
marvellous than having Edward as the basis of my passwords. | 0:09:52 | 0:09:56 | |
Is he still the basis of your passwords? | 0:09:56 | 0:09:58 | |
No comment. | 0:09:58 | 0:10:00 | |
What I will say is that I spent a long time when I was bored looking | 0:10:00 | 0:10:04 | |
for him on Facebook and that sort of thing, and on one occasion | 0:10:04 | 0:10:08 | |
I found him and, and messaged him and there was no reply | 0:10:08 | 0:10:11 | |
and I was very upset | 0:10:11 | 0:10:13 | |
about that, and I always wondered what happened to him. | 0:10:13 | 0:10:15 | |
And now I see. | 0:10:15 | 0:10:17 | |
I'm struggling with this cos this is a thing that is done. | 0:10:20 | 0:10:24 | |
I had a crush on a boy in school | 0:10:24 | 0:10:25 | |
and his name is the basis for my passwords as well | 0:10:25 | 0:10:29 | |
and I've been trying to stalk him on Facebook but he doesn't exist, | 0:10:29 | 0:10:33 | |
he's not on Facebook, which makes him even sexier. | 0:10:33 | 0:10:36 | |
-But I'm saying this is... -So you've got that exact story? | 0:10:36 | 0:10:39 | |
Very plausible, yeah, this is my story. | 0:10:39 | 0:10:41 | |
His name's Luke Matte, do you know him? | 0:10:41 | 0:10:44 | |
-Yes. -You know? | 0:10:44 | 0:10:46 | |
-I know Luke, Luke Matte. -No, because he was like... | 0:10:46 | 0:10:48 | |
Yeah, he lives two doors down from me, single, newly single. | 0:10:48 | 0:10:51 | |
-No. -Yeah, he works for Medicines San Frontier as, | 0:10:51 | 0:10:54 | |
-he's a human rights lawyer... -No! -..that works with them, | 0:10:54 | 0:10:57 | |
but he takes six months of the year off | 0:10:57 | 0:10:59 | |
because he runs a place for distressed puppies. | 0:10:59 | 0:11:02 | |
Ahhh. | 0:11:02 | 0:11:04 | |
He's a good guy. | 0:11:04 | 0:11:06 | |
You know what, I literally just set him up with someone last week, that's so annoying. | 0:11:06 | 0:11:09 | |
Ah, how frustrating. Great guy, hell of a guy. | 0:11:09 | 0:11:12 | |
-All right, who would you like to... -That's very plausible. | 0:11:12 | 0:11:14 | |
Who would you like to quiz next? | 0:11:14 | 0:11:16 | |
Denise, explain what happened with Edward in the car | 0:11:16 | 0:11:19 | |
and Daley Thompson. | 0:11:19 | 0:11:21 | |
Yes, so I was parked in the car park at a stadium. | 0:11:21 | 0:11:26 | |
Which stadium? | 0:11:26 | 0:11:27 | |
Birmingham Alexander Stadium, in Birmingham, and... | 0:11:27 | 0:11:30 | |
-Which car park? So like you had to... -Just VI... VIP. | 0:11:30 | 0:11:33 | |
OK. | 0:11:33 | 0:11:34 | |
-It's probably the Denise Lewis car park. -Yeah. | 0:11:34 | 0:11:38 | |
I mean, to be fair, | 0:11:38 | 0:11:39 | |
if you own a car in Birmingham you're automatically a VIP anyway. | 0:11:39 | 0:11:42 | |
LAUGHTER | 0:11:42 | 0:11:43 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:11:45 | 0:11:47 | |
Why are you clapping? | 0:11:47 | 0:11:48 | |
So I'm in the car park, went off to work, | 0:11:50 | 0:11:52 | |
had a big national championships, came back out, | 0:11:52 | 0:11:56 | |
desperate to get back down to London, | 0:11:56 | 0:12:00 | |
and my car was blocked, blocked in. | 0:12:00 | 0:12:02 | |
That was Daley Thompson? | 0:12:02 | 0:12:04 | |
That was Daley Thompson. | 0:12:04 | 0:12:05 | |
Well, hang on. How do we know that? Let's take it... | 0:12:05 | 0:12:08 | |
What happens next? | 0:12:08 | 0:12:10 | |
Well, Eddie, he's an, an official. | 0:12:10 | 0:12:14 | |
-Right. -You know, he used to be an athlete - can see he's well stacked. | 0:12:14 | 0:12:18 | |
What was his sport? | 0:12:18 | 0:12:19 | |
He was actually a thrower. | 0:12:20 | 0:12:22 | |
- Of what? - Discus. | 0:12:22 | 0:12:24 | |
Sorry, are you actually... you're a BBC commentator | 0:12:24 | 0:12:27 | |
-and you called him a thrower. -A thrower. | 0:12:27 | 0:12:29 | |
So he's a thrower of the incredibly heavy Frisbee. | 0:12:30 | 0:12:33 | |
Yes, yeah, he used to compete, national level. | 0:12:35 | 0:12:38 | |
- OK. - Didn't quite make it. | 0:12:38 | 0:12:39 | |
-Yeah. -Didn't quite make it. | 0:12:39 | 0:12:41 | |
All right, he is here! | 0:12:41 | 0:12:42 | |
-It's not easy to get to the top. -Yeah. | 0:12:42 | 0:12:44 | |
-RICHARD: -That's such a show-off thing to do. | 0:12:44 | 0:12:46 | |
Well, I'm sorry. I'm just saying. | 0:12:46 | 0:12:47 | |
It's actually really, really hard to be an amazingly good athlete. | 0:12:47 | 0:12:50 | |
Some people can do it, some people can't do it, Eddie, I'm sorry. | 0:12:50 | 0:12:54 | |
So there you are, Denise, you're blocked in, | 0:12:54 | 0:12:57 | |
-Eddie, Edward is there. -I'm livid. | 0:12:57 | 0:12:59 | |
Cos he's an official, he used to throw things. | 0:12:59 | 0:13:01 | |
When does Daley come into it? | 0:13:01 | 0:13:04 | |
Well, his...has a private registration plate | 0:13:04 | 0:13:07 | |
and I didn't notice that. | 0:13:07 | 0:13:08 | |
He's got, he's one of those people... What does it say? | 0:13:08 | 0:13:11 | |
-DT10. -DT10. Of course. | 0:13:11 | 0:13:13 | |
- DT10. - Fibber. | 0:13:13 | 0:13:16 | |
I said to Eddie, "I need to get out of here quickly, can | 0:13:16 | 0:13:18 | |
"you help?" He said, "Let me go and get some of these other throwers." | 0:13:18 | 0:13:22 | |
They said, "Listen, if we manoeuvre this car, swing the back out | 0:13:22 | 0:13:26 | |
"a little bit, you should be able to manoeuvre around Daley's car." | 0:13:26 | 0:13:30 | |
But so you never met, I'm sure you have met Daley Thompson | 0:13:30 | 0:13:33 | |
but he never turned up during the anecdote? | 0:13:33 | 0:13:36 | |
Couldn't find him anywhere. It's only when I came back to | 0:13:36 | 0:13:39 | |
the car did I realise it was his car because of the number plate. | 0:13:39 | 0:13:41 | |
-But you were looking for him before that? -No. | 0:13:41 | 0:13:44 | |
Just to sort of commiserate - | 0:13:44 | 0:13:46 | |
"The person I need to talk to now is Daley Thompson cos | 0:13:46 | 0:13:49 | |
"if there's someone who understands a parking crisis it's him." | 0:13:49 | 0:13:53 | |
Can I just check, | 0:13:53 | 0:13:54 | |
have you two met? Cos you need a really good defence lawyer. | 0:13:54 | 0:13:57 | |
No, I do. | 0:13:57 | 0:13:59 | |
-Can I continue? -Yes, please do. | 0:13:59 | 0:14:00 | |
Thank you. So Eddie came to my aid and helped me manoeuvre the car | 0:14:00 | 0:14:05 | |
and away I went. | 0:14:05 | 0:14:07 | |
Away you went, and Daley Thompson turned up presumably later? | 0:14:07 | 0:14:10 | |
-I don't know cos I didn't see him. -You didn't see him. | 0:14:10 | 0:14:12 | |
-- Have you seen him since? -Yeah. -- Yes. | 0:14:12 | 0:14:14 | |
And have you mentioned this story to him? | 0:14:14 | 0:14:16 | |
Yes. | 0:14:16 | 0:14:18 | |
-And, OK, that checks out. -What did he say? | 0:14:18 | 0:14:20 | |
-- Yeah, that's the question. -- DENISE: -What did he say? | 0:14:20 | 0:14:22 | |
-Yeah. -Oh, shut up. | 0:14:22 | 0:14:24 | |
-Ah! -He said, "Oh, shut up"? | 0:14:24 | 0:14:26 | |
Listen, I've known Daley a long time, | 0:14:26 | 0:14:28 | |
one of the first things he said to me, at the age of 14, he called me... | 0:14:28 | 0:14:32 | |
Was, "Look after this bear." | 0:14:32 | 0:14:33 | |
All right, now, of course | 0:14:42 | 0:14:44 | |
perhaps most the plausible of all is yet to... | 0:14:44 | 0:14:47 | |
Just remind us, Lee. | 0:14:47 | 0:14:49 | |
This is Edward. | 0:14:49 | 0:14:51 | |
I once dressed as his wife so his son would think | 0:14:51 | 0:14:54 | |
he'd seen his mum whilst performing in the school play. | 0:14:54 | 0:14:58 | |
What was the play? | 0:14:58 | 0:14:59 | |
It was actually a nativity play. | 0:14:59 | 0:15:01 | |
OK, and what was Edward's son playing? | 0:15:01 | 0:15:04 | |
Edward's son was playing Joseph. | 0:15:04 | 0:15:06 | |
Were your children in the play? | 0:15:06 | 0:15:08 | |
My children were not in the play, it would have been inappropriate | 0:15:08 | 0:15:11 | |
due to the fact that they don't go to that school. | 0:15:11 | 0:15:13 | |
So you went, you went to a school | 0:15:13 | 0:15:15 | |
where your children are not enrolled, dressed as a woman... | 0:15:15 | 0:15:19 | |
Well, correct. | 0:15:19 | 0:15:21 | |
..to trick a little boy into thinking you were his mum. | 0:15:21 | 0:15:25 | |
Yeah. Yeah, I admit when you say it like that it does sound a bit dodgy. | 0:15:25 | 0:15:29 | |
Let's, let's go back. Lee, let's go back to the beginning. | 0:15:29 | 0:15:32 | |
How did this come about, how did Edward approach you? | 0:15:32 | 0:15:34 | |
So Edward was at the school and apparently, | 0:15:34 | 0:15:38 | |
he got a phone call off his wife saying that she couldn't make it. | 0:15:38 | 0:15:41 | |
Now, his wife had already missed three or four big events, you know, | 0:15:41 | 0:15:44 | |
all the big ones that are important like, the sports days | 0:15:44 | 0:15:47 | |
and the various things and this was sort of like I promise | 0:15:47 | 0:15:50 | |
you I'm going to be there, I promise you I'll do this one. | 0:15:50 | 0:15:53 | |
Why, why wasn't she there? | 0:15:53 | 0:15:54 | |
Well, something to do with work, something got... | 0:15:54 | 0:15:57 | |
What's her work? | 0:15:57 | 0:15:58 | |
I didn't get chance to get into too many details, | 0:15:58 | 0:16:00 | |
Edward rang in a panic, absolutely panicking he was. | 0:16:00 | 0:16:02 | |
-What's her job? -What's the wife's job? | 0:16:02 | 0:16:04 | |
-Yes. -Actually I don't know his wife very well. | 0:16:04 | 0:16:06 | |
-Do you know him? -Oh, Edward, yeah. | 0:16:06 | 0:16:08 | |
You're the first person he'd call, though, but you don't know his... | 0:16:08 | 0:16:11 | |
That's right, because me | 0:16:11 | 0:16:12 | |
and him do lots of things behind his wife's back and he knows that... | 0:16:12 | 0:16:15 | |
-So he rang you up. -Yeah. | 0:16:15 | 0:16:17 | |
And what did he say? | 0:16:17 | 0:16:18 | |
He was panicking and went, "Lee!" I went, "What?" | 0:16:18 | 0:16:20 | |
He said, "She's not turned up again," I said, "Who?", | 0:16:20 | 0:16:23 | |
he said, "My wife." I said, "What DOES she do for a living?" He said, | 0:16:23 | 0:16:26 | |
"Not now!" He said...he said, | 0:16:26 | 0:16:29 | |
"I need your help and I need it quickly." | 0:16:29 | 0:16:32 | |
-Yeah. -I said, "You know me, I'll always be there for you." | 0:16:32 | 0:16:35 | |
He said, "I need you to meet me at my house," so I get to the house. | 0:16:35 | 0:16:38 | |
-You get there. -I run in the house | 0:16:38 | 0:16:39 | |
and he only had time for one phrase. | 0:16:39 | 0:16:42 | |
"Put this on." | 0:16:42 | 0:16:43 | |
He said, "I need you to dress as my wife because last time | 0:16:44 | 0:16:48 | |
"I went to see him in a play, she didn't turn up." And I said, | 0:16:48 | 0:16:52 | |
"But you saw me, right?" And he said, the kid said, | 0:16:52 | 0:16:55 | |
"No, I didn't see you cos the spotlights are so bright, everyone's just like a silhouette." | 0:16:55 | 0:16:59 | |
So, he said, "That's how I think you can get away with this, | 0:16:59 | 0:17:03 | |
"I want you to dress as my wife and then | 0:17:03 | 0:17:06 | |
"when he looks out he'll think that you're with me." | 0:17:06 | 0:17:09 | |
Did he notice your beard? | 0:17:09 | 0:17:11 | |
Well, this is the thing. I said that. | 0:17:13 | 0:17:15 | |
Now, as luck would have it | 0:17:15 | 0:17:16 | |
I don't know what his wife does, but she has a beard. | 0:17:16 | 0:17:20 | |
I know she works in a circus but I don't know exactly what she does. | 0:17:20 | 0:17:24 | |
That was very well dodged, Lee, I must say. | 0:17:31 | 0:17:34 | |
No, she... At the time, I did not have a beard. | 0:17:34 | 0:17:37 | |
-Oh, you were clean-shaven. -Yes. | 0:17:37 | 0:17:39 | |
Which is why he was annoyed, cos, like I say, she does. | 0:17:39 | 0:17:42 | |
Does she have a very distinctive silhouette? | 0:17:44 | 0:17:46 | |
She does. | 0:17:46 | 0:17:47 | |
I would describe her silhouette as Lee Mackesque. | 0:17:47 | 0:17:51 | |
It's the only way I can describe her. | 0:17:52 | 0:17:53 | |
Did you have to wear a wig? | 0:17:53 | 0:17:55 | |
No, I did, I didn't wear a wig | 0:17:55 | 0:17:56 | |
-cos luckily his wife has very short hair. -And a beard. -And a beard. | 0:17:56 | 0:18:00 | |
Didn't wear a wig, so you just went with your head, | 0:18:00 | 0:18:03 | |
shaven but, yeah. | 0:18:03 | 0:18:04 | |
I went, I just went with her silhouette. Look, with a hat, | 0:18:04 | 0:18:07 | |
scarf, pipe. | 0:18:07 | 0:18:08 | |
But what did you wear? | 0:18:08 | 0:18:10 | |
But you, you haven't told us. | 0:18:12 | 0:18:14 | |
"Nice one, Jesus!" | 0:18:14 | 0:18:15 | |
You haven't told us what you put on in your friend's bedroom. | 0:18:17 | 0:18:21 | |
So he had all, all the things were about, all the clothes. | 0:18:21 | 0:18:23 | |
What he got a range for you to choose from? | 0:18:23 | 0:18:26 | |
Well, she had things... | 0:18:26 | 0:18:27 | |
"Pick out something nice that you fancy." | 0:18:27 | 0:18:29 | |
He said... He had it ready for me when I got there. | 0:18:29 | 0:18:32 | |
He said, "This is what she would... We could get... | 0:18:32 | 0:18:34 | |
"This is the stuff that the kid would recognise." | 0:18:34 | 0:18:37 | |
So we went with a long mackintosh. | 0:18:37 | 0:18:39 | |
What's Edward's son called? | 0:18:41 | 0:18:42 | |
Edward's son is called Eddie, little Eddie. | 0:18:42 | 0:18:46 | |
That was a bad choice. | 0:18:48 | 0:18:49 | |
Yeah, well, little Ed. | 0:18:49 | 0:18:51 | |
And then after the play, that lovely bit where the kids excitedly go | 0:18:51 | 0:18:54 | |
and meet with their parents and say, "How was it?" | 0:18:54 | 0:18:57 | |
That was the bit that we were worried about. | 0:18:57 | 0:18:59 | |
"How was it, Mummy and Daddy?" | 0:18:59 | 0:19:00 | |
Well, I had to do, there was only one thing that we could do, I said | 0:19:00 | 0:19:03 | |
to him, "You're going to have to totally commit to this," | 0:19:03 | 0:19:05 | |
and so we're now married... | 0:19:05 | 0:19:07 | |
..and we adopted him and we ran away and the wife doesn't know | 0:19:07 | 0:19:10 | |
where we are and this is the first time she will have known about it. | 0:19:10 | 0:19:13 | |
No, we actually we stood at the back | 0:19:13 | 0:19:16 | |
and as he walked towards us I sort of turned around, walked quickly | 0:19:16 | 0:19:19 | |
and sort of waved like that and he said... | 0:19:19 | 0:19:21 | |
You ran away from him? | 0:19:21 | 0:19:23 | |
Yes, well, what choice did I have? | 0:19:23 | 0:19:24 | |
And apparently, big Ed said to me afterwards, he said, | 0:19:24 | 0:19:27 | |
I just had to say, "Oh, Mummy's gotta get back quickly, | 0:19:27 | 0:19:29 | |
"she's..." Well, I don't know what she does for a living, he didn't know either. | 0:19:29 | 0:19:33 | |
All right, we need an answer. | 0:19:33 | 0:19:35 | |
So, David's team, is Edward Robert's childhood crush, | 0:19:35 | 0:19:38 | |
Denise's car carrier or Lee's hoax husband? | 0:19:38 | 0:19:44 | |
Well, it's... | 0:19:44 | 0:19:45 | |
Well, I mean, Lee was fairly convincing. | 0:19:45 | 0:19:47 | |
-Hard to see past that, isn't it? -What do you think? | 0:19:49 | 0:19:51 | |
I feel like when Denise was telling her story Edward was smiling | 0:19:51 | 0:19:55 | |
a little bit more. | 0:19:55 | 0:19:57 | |
Look at him, look at his... See. | 0:19:57 | 0:19:59 | |
Gosh, it's difficult, isn't it? | 0:20:00 | 0:20:01 | |
I'm tempted to say Robert. | 0:20:01 | 0:20:03 | |
You think Robert? | 0:20:05 | 0:20:06 | |
I'm really torn, I would say Denise but I just don't know cos | 0:20:06 | 0:20:10 | |
I was wrong once already. | 0:20:10 | 0:20:12 | |
OK, time to make a decision, David. | 0:20:12 | 0:20:14 | |
-Shall we say Denise? -Who's it going to be? | 0:20:14 | 0:20:16 | |
Oh, right, so you, you think it's Denise now? | 0:20:16 | 0:20:18 | |
If you two think it's Denise that's great, I can opt out, | 0:20:18 | 0:20:20 | |
if you both think it's Robert that's great, I can opt out, | 0:20:20 | 0:20:23 | |
if you both think it's Lee, I've overruling you. | 0:20:23 | 0:20:25 | |
We'll go Robert. | 0:20:28 | 0:20:29 | |
Going to say it's Robert. | 0:20:29 | 0:20:31 | |
If this does turn out to be true, | 0:20:31 | 0:20:33 | |
you do realise we're about to witness quite a moment. | 0:20:33 | 0:20:39 | |
So, Edward, would you please reveal your true identity? | 0:20:40 | 0:20:44 | |
I am Edward, and I am... I was Robert's inspiration | 0:20:44 | 0:20:47 | |
for a password. | 0:20:47 | 0:20:49 | |
Would you like to say anything to Edward, Robert? | 0:21:05 | 0:21:08 | |
I could dress up as you and fill in, I'm trained. | 0:21:08 | 0:21:10 | |
What would you like to say to him? Here's your chance. | 0:21:12 | 0:21:15 | |
-Yes, yeah... Hello, Edward. -Hi. | 0:21:24 | 0:21:27 | |
Well done, you really kept it together. | 0:21:29 | 0:21:32 | |
Edward, did you realise that Robert had this crush on you? | 0:21:32 | 0:21:36 | |
-No, not at all. -Ah. | 0:21:36 | 0:21:38 | |
Oh, you must have done. | 0:21:38 | 0:21:39 | |
What a lovely evening this is for you, then. | 0:21:39 | 0:21:41 | |
Thank you very much, Edward. | 0:21:41 | 0:21:43 | |
Very nice to see you. | 0:21:47 | 0:21:48 | |
Which brings us to our final round, Quickfire Lies. | 0:21:50 | 0:21:53 | |
And we start with... | 0:21:53 | 0:21:55 | |
..it's David. | 0:21:55 | 0:21:56 | |
Ten years ago, on this show, | 0:21:58 | 0:22:00 | |
I revealed I'd only ever bought one album, | 0:22:00 | 0:22:04 | |
Phil Collins, But Seriously. | 0:22:04 | 0:22:08 | |
I'm now pleased to report that I've since doubled my collection. | 0:22:08 | 0:22:11 | |
Lee's team. | 0:22:13 | 0:22:15 | |
What's the album, what's the new album? | 0:22:15 | 0:22:17 | |
Uh it's, uh, it, it's... | 0:22:17 | 0:22:19 | |
Well, I didn't... Hang on, check something... | 0:22:19 | 0:22:22 | |
I... It...doesn't say on there. | 0:22:22 | 0:22:24 | |
-I can't remember the name of it. -You can't remember... | 0:22:26 | 0:22:29 | |
-Can't remember? -..the name of the only other album you've bought. | 0:22:29 | 0:22:32 | |
I know the artiste. | 0:22:32 | 0:22:34 | |
-What's the artist? -It's, it was Susan Boyle's album. | 0:22:34 | 0:22:37 | |
Why would you buy a Susan Boyle record? | 0:22:42 | 0:22:44 | |
With the greatest of respect to Susan, why would you choose her? | 0:22:44 | 0:22:48 | |
Well, because it was, you know, it was much talked about at the time | 0:22:48 | 0:22:55 | |
of its release and I was looking for something to write about. | 0:22:55 | 0:23:02 | |
You've not got that journalist job at the NME still, have you, David? | 0:23:02 | 0:23:05 | |
No, no, for the Observer. | 0:23:05 | 0:23:08 | |
Can you remember the name of any of the songs? | 0:23:08 | 0:23:11 | |
-No, I, but these... -Wow. | 0:23:11 | 0:23:13 | |
But, wait, wait, I could guess a lot of the songs cos they weren't, | 0:23:13 | 0:23:17 | |
I don't think she'd written the songs. | 0:23:17 | 0:23:18 | |
We were talking about it earlier, weren't we? | 0:23:18 | 0:23:20 | |
You said your favourite was I Dreamed A Dream. | 0:23:20 | 0:23:22 | |
Can you just give us a rendition of that, | 0:23:22 | 0:23:24 | |
-can you hum that or sing that or something? -Can I hum I Dreamed A Dream? -Hang on. | 0:23:24 | 0:23:28 | |
I don't think you can because we'd have to pay then, | 0:23:28 | 0:23:30 | |
so it would be inappropriate, so you mustn't. | 0:23:30 | 0:23:32 | |
-Sorry. He's very experienced in TV. -Sorry, that's annoying. | 0:23:32 | 0:23:35 | |
Well, I'll tell you what, David, I will tell you... | 0:23:35 | 0:23:37 | |
-He learned from the best - Tony Verrill. -Yeah. | 0:23:37 | 0:23:40 | |
David, I will tell you the names of some of Susan's album | 0:23:40 | 0:23:44 | |
releases, or escapes more than releases... | 0:23:44 | 0:23:47 | |
..and you tell me if any of them ring a bell, OK? | 0:23:50 | 0:23:54 | |
-OK. -The Gift. | 0:23:54 | 0:23:55 | |
I don't know. | 0:23:57 | 0:23:58 | |
A Wonderful World. | 0:23:59 | 0:24:01 | |
I reckon that might have been on there. | 0:24:01 | 0:24:03 | |
No, this is the album title. | 0:24:03 | 0:24:06 | |
-Oh, sorry, oh, the album title? -Yes. | 0:24:06 | 0:24:09 | |
Was the album title The Gift? | 0:24:09 | 0:24:11 | |
Oh, no, now, I promise you the album title is not going to ring a bell. | 0:24:11 | 0:24:15 | |
Because for me it was The Susan Boyle album. | 0:24:15 | 0:24:18 | |
OK, you can't remember the name of the album, | 0:24:18 | 0:24:20 | |
you can't remember the name of any of the songs, can you remember how you felt listening to it? | 0:24:20 | 0:24:24 | |
ROBERT LAUGHS | 0:24:24 | 0:24:25 | |
I think I felt... My recollection is I felt it was fine. | 0:24:26 | 0:24:30 | |
-Fine? -Yeah. | 0:24:30 | 0:24:32 | |
What's it going to be, Lee? Time to guess. | 0:24:32 | 0:24:34 | |
-Denise, you're saying it's a... -Lie. | 0:24:34 | 0:24:36 | |
-A lie? -No, I actually think it's true. | 0:24:36 | 0:24:38 | |
-It's true. -Mm. | 0:24:38 | 0:24:39 | |
Yes, I'm with Denise, just about. | 0:24:39 | 0:24:41 | |
-OK. -OK, going to say true? | 0:24:41 | 0:24:44 | |
-True, yeah. -OK, David, truth or lie? | 0:24:44 | 0:24:46 | |
-It is true. -Wow. | 0:24:47 | 0:24:49 | |
Yes, it's true, David has indeed doubled his music collection. | 0:24:52 | 0:24:56 | |
Next...it's Katherine. | 0:24:56 | 0:25:00 | |
I was ticked off by the head master after I mistakenly packed | 0:25:02 | 0:25:06 | |
a pina colada in my daughter's lunch box for a school trip. | 0:25:06 | 0:25:10 | |
-Whoa. -Lee's team. | 0:25:10 | 0:25:12 | |
-Wow. -Wow. | 0:25:12 | 0:25:14 | |
What did you think it was? | 0:25:14 | 0:25:16 | |
Well, they have these lovely, really lovely, like, frozen packs | 0:25:16 | 0:25:19 | |
for the freezer, and you just take them out and squeeze them out, | 0:25:19 | 0:25:23 | |
it's like a little frozen... | 0:25:23 | 0:25:25 | |
But they really look juicy. I thought it was just a little juice. | 0:25:25 | 0:25:28 | |
Are you thinking of Fruit Shoots and things like that? | 0:25:28 | 0:25:31 | |
No, no, I'll tell you the name, do you want to know the brand name? | 0:25:31 | 0:25:33 | |
-Yes, I do. -Capri Sun. | 0:25:33 | 0:25:35 | |
-Oh, the fruit drink in a pouch? -Delicious. -Love 'em. | 0:25:35 | 0:25:37 | |
So why did you think it was anything else, cos you were the one that bought it? | 0:25:37 | 0:25:41 | |
Yeah, because I just buy lots of stuff for the fridge. | 0:25:41 | 0:25:44 | |
I just grabbed it because I'm not with it in the morning | 0:25:44 | 0:25:47 | |
cos I'm having pina coladas the night before. | 0:25:47 | 0:25:49 | |
What did the person at school... | 0:25:49 | 0:25:51 | |
Did you get a telephone call or were you invited in? | 0:25:51 | 0:25:53 | |
-Oh, I was invited in on this occasion. -And what did they say? | 0:25:53 | 0:25:56 | |
-Hello, your daughter's drunk. -Yes. -No. | 0:25:56 | 0:25:57 | |
Your six-year-old's wasted again. | 0:25:57 | 0:26:00 | |
She didn't drink it, she knew right away what it was, it wasn't for her. | 0:26:00 | 0:26:03 | |
-Did she report you? -Yeah. | 0:26:03 | 0:26:05 | |
Oh, she's a grass. | 0:26:05 | 0:26:06 | |
She's such a grass. | 0:26:06 | 0:26:08 | |
She tells people, "My mummy hides wine in the walls," but that's... | 0:26:08 | 0:26:11 | |
-In the walls? -..a wine rack. -Oh, I see. | 0:26:11 | 0:26:14 | |
But they have problem with me anyway. | 0:26:15 | 0:26:18 | |
-Why? -Why? -They've met her. | 0:26:18 | 0:26:19 | |
Well, yeah, they've met me, that's number one, | 0:26:19 | 0:26:21 | |
I did a school run in a bathrobe. | 0:26:21 | 0:26:25 | |
-No. -Oh. What? | 0:26:25 | 0:26:27 | |
-DENISE: -One of those, really? | 0:26:27 | 0:26:29 | |
You go to school in a bathrobe? | 0:26:29 | 0:26:31 | |
-Yes, because... -What have you got under the bathrobe? | 0:26:31 | 0:26:33 | |
None of your business. | 0:26:33 | 0:26:35 | |
So talk us through now, you've gone into the school, | 0:26:36 | 0:26:39 | |
they've called you in, to the head master, or head mistress' office. | 0:26:39 | 0:26:42 | |
What happens? | 0:26:42 | 0:26:44 | |
They just said, "I suppose you thought you were being funny," | 0:26:44 | 0:26:47 | |
and I said, "I'm sorry, what was funny?" | 0:26:47 | 0:26:49 | |
And they said, "You know what you thought was funny," and I said, | 0:26:49 | 0:26:52 | |
-"No, I really don't know." -They spoke to you like that, a parent? | 0:26:52 | 0:26:55 | |
Yeah, you should see my fresh look, | 0:26:55 | 0:26:57 | |
they think I'm 16, that's the other problem. | 0:26:57 | 0:26:59 | |
-Who does? -The faculty, I don't know. | 0:26:59 | 0:27:02 | |
How sympathetic was this lighting, was it sort of...? | 0:27:02 | 0:27:05 | |
Don't you find that the.... | 0:27:09 | 0:27:11 | |
We've been doing this show 11 years, that's the most catty thing | 0:27:11 | 0:27:13 | |
that's ever been said. | 0:27:13 | 0:27:15 | |
So, Katherine, he says to you, "What do you think you're doing?" | 0:27:15 | 0:27:18 | |
-What happened then? -He had the pina colada in his desk drawer and said, | 0:27:18 | 0:27:22 | |
"It's not funny to send your daughter on a school trip with alcohol." | 0:27:22 | 0:27:25 | |
-Wow. -What do you think, truth or lie? | 0:27:25 | 0:27:28 | |
-I can see her doing it. -Yes. | 0:27:28 | 0:27:29 | |
I really could see you doing it, Katherine. | 0:27:29 | 0:27:32 | |
- Thanks. - But, I think it's a lie. | 0:27:32 | 0:27:34 | |
So, basically you don't think this particular incident is true | 0:27:34 | 0:27:37 | |
but she possibly is an alcoholic. | 0:27:37 | 0:27:38 | |
I think it's most certainly a lie. | 0:27:40 | 0:27:41 | |
OK, well, my team seem to think it's a lie. So we'll say lie. | 0:27:41 | 0:27:44 | |
OK, Katherine, truth or lie? | 0:27:44 | 0:27:46 | |
Nah, it IS a lie. | 0:27:46 | 0:27:48 | |
Oh. | 0:27:48 | 0:27:49 | |
APPLAUSE | 0:27:49 | 0:27:50 | |
I didn't do that. | 0:27:51 | 0:27:52 | |
Yes, it's a lie, | 0:27:52 | 0:27:54 | |
Katherine didn't put a pina colada in her daughter's lunch box. | 0:27:54 | 0:27:57 | |
BUZZER | 0:27:57 | 0:27:58 | |
Well, that noise signals time is up, it's the end of the show, | 0:27:58 | 0:28:01 | |
and I can reveal that Lee's team have won by four points to one. | 0:28:01 | 0:28:03 | |
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE | 0:28:03 | 0:28:04 | |
Thanks for watching. We'll see you next time. Goodnight. | 0:28:07 | 0:28:10 |