Episode 8 Would I Lie to You?


Episode 8

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Transcript


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APPLAUSE

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Good evening, welcome to Would I Lie To You,

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the show in which it pays to be economical with the truth.

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On Lee Mack's team tonight, an athletic super star,

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who in 2000 was given the freedom of Wolverhampton -

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gift or punishment, you decide, it's Denise Lewis.

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APPLAUSE

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And the star of Judge Rinder, who once appeared on Strictly

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dressed as a moth, a beautiful performance, although he did

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keep banging his head on the studio lights, it's Robert Rinder.

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APPLAUSE

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And on David Mitchell's team tonight,

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a TV presenter who's hosted over one thousand episodes

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of his Pointless show. I know how he feels, it's Richard Osman.

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APPLAUSE

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And a comedian and presenter who had to leave her native Canada

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as she'd already been on both of their TV shows, it's Katherine Ryan.

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APPLAUSE

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Hello.

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And so we begin with round one, Home Truths, where our panellists

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each read out a statement from the card in front of them.

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Now, to make things harder, they've never seen the card before,

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they have no idea what they'll be faced with

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and it's up to the opposing team to sort the fact from the fiction.

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Richard, you're first up tonight.

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When I worked in a shoe shop, my boss was called Mr Clog.

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Remarkably, I've had three other jobs where my boss' name was

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directly related to their profession.

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-Hm.

-What?

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The obvious question to ask is what were those jobs

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and what were these people's names?

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Yeah, it is an obvious question, is it maybe too obvious a question?

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Maybe go somewhere else first, just...

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I want to know about the first, just tell us one of the jobs.

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At school I worked in a warehouse and the boss was called Mr Foreman.

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Mr Foreman? OK what was your job?

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-My...

-Getting stuff down from the top shelf, obviously.

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How would you rate Foreman as a boss?

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If he was suspicious would he grill you?

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Foreman? Yeah, listen.

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Very good. OK...

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Why did you have so many jobs, did you keep getting sacked?

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No further questions.

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-What were the other two jobs?

-Yeah, what was the other jobs?

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I worked in, do you remember the predecessor to Iceland which

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-was Bejam?

-Yeah.

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My supervisor was called John Frost.

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Frost, Bejam, you can see Bejam didn't last,

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because people would go, why didn't they just call it Honey?

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Your final job was?

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Well, it was my first-ever job in television.

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-Right.

-And that was?

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It was, well, it was a researcher on a computer games programme.

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-OK, and your, your boss was called?

-My boss was called Tony Verrill?

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-What does that mean?

-What's Verrill?

-What does, what does Verrill mean? In relation to what?

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What do you mean? It's a surname, but his initials were TV.

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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Very good, very good.

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Of all these bosses that you remember, Richard,

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who would you say was your favourite boss,

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what was it about that boss that made them so adorable?

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Well, John Frost wasn't really my boss, so I liked him.

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We had a bit more of - a bit more of a relationship.

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Mr Foreman, I found that was quite stressful as it was

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one of my first-ever jobs, and Tony Verrill still

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works in the industry so I will not be passing comment.

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Tony Verrill still works in the industry.

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-I've never come across him.

-Yeah I've not come across Tony Verrill.

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What, have you come across him, David?

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Um... Yeah, I think I've worked with Tony Verrill.

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I'm pretty sure, not 100% but, yeah.

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-Do you know who Tony Verrill is?

-I've no...

-Tony Verrill?

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-No, never heard of him.

-It's weird that none of us three have heard of Tony Verrill

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and yet all you three have heard of Tony Verrill.

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-Katherine hasn't.

-Katherine hasn't.

-Katherine has or hasn't?

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-I haven't, but it rings a bell.

-Oh, so you sort of...

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-What do you think, truth or lie?

-Truth or a lie?

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The thing is I think you're almost certainly sort of geeky

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enough to keep a record of that sort of thing

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and it's the type of thing that would amuse you

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and you'd remember at the time on the other hand it's also

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the type of thing that you could quickly construct to be clever.

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It's a challenging one.

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-What do you think?

-Lie?

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Yes, I think so.

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-We'll have to say lie.

-You're going to say lie, OK.

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-Just cos of Tony Verrill.

-Richard, truth or lie?

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It is...

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A lie.

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Very good.

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Yes, it's a lie, Richard's never worked in a shoe shop with Mr Clog.

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Denise, you're next.

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Mine says possession.

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Ah, OK, under your desk is a box. If you take the object

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out of the box first, and then read the card, please.

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This is my lucky mascot. When competing I always made sure

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he travelled in an unzipped bag

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so he could poke his head out and breathe.

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David's team.

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What's his name?

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His name's Egbert.

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-Egbert.

-Egbert.

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And when did you acquire Egbert?

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About the age of 14.

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I notice you said that you'd keep the zip open so he could

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breathe, which is very caring and lovely, but of course,

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ever since the show started he's been in that box...

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..with the lid the lid...

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Don't worry, Denise, he'll be all right!

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So when, when did you first take it?

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So presumably he brings you luck in sporting endeavour?

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I think it was just companionship, you know. I'm an only child

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and travelling, you know, as a junior athlete on my own,

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it can be a bit lonely.

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I can understand why, you know, it's nice to have familiar

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objects and, but, at the age of 14

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that's quite late to get a teddy bear.

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I wasn't given any cuddly toys at that age and I was a very....

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Ah!

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That is so clear to anybody watching now that you were never given

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a cuddly toy at that or any age.

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Have you ever put any of your gold medals around his neck

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-and taken a photograph?

-I think I have, yeah.

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If I had a gold medal I'd put it round everything.

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Oh, what a horrible image that is.

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All right, time to decide.

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Truth or lie?

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I would suspect it's true.

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You think true, what do you think?

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I don't think it's true because when Mr Lee Mack was sort of

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resuscitating the bear, Denise wasn't too bothered about that.

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-Well, let's say lie.

-You're going to say lie.

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-So we'll say lie.

-It's a lie.

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Denise Lewis, truth or lie?

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-It's true.

-KATHERINE:

-No!

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APPLAUSE

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Yes, it's true, Denise did keep the zip open

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so that Egbert could breathe.

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Our next round is called This Is My, where we bring on a mystery guest

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who has a close connection to one of our panellists.

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Now, this week, each of Lee's team will claim it's them

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that has the genuine connection to the guest,

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it's up to David's team to spot who's telling the truth.

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So please welcome this week's special guest, Edward.

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APPLAUSE

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So, Robert, what is Edward to you?

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This is Edward and I had such a crush on him at school that for

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the past 20 years his name has been the basis for all of my passwords.

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So, Denise, what is Ed to you?

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This is Edward, and he helped me pick up my car

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and move it after I got blocked in by Daley Thompson.

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And finally, Lee, what is your relationship with Edward?

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This is Edward. I once dressed up as his wife so that his son

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would think that he'd seen his mum in the audience at the school play.

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So, there we have it.

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Is Edward Robert's childhood crush,

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Denise's car carrier or Lee's hoax husband?

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David's team, where to begin?

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Robert, so were you school buddies together?

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Not especially, because Edward was terribly good at sport, you see.

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I seem to remember Edward being terribly good at the pole vault.

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How are you still in touch with Edward?

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We're not. I haven't seen Edward for a number of years, in fact.

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-RICHARD:

-How is he doing, do you think? Would you still?

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LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

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Can I just say that as my fake husband, I have.

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I'd say he's definitely moved into a new bracket.

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-Yeah.

-But a very happy one.

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Yes, he's doing very well I'd say. You know. Very, very well indeed.

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Now, you said you hadn't seen him for a number of years.

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-No, a number of years.

-Specifically, when was the last time you saw him?

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The last time I would have seen him would probably be 1993 or '94.

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1993 or 4?

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But there wasn't the need for passwords

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until around the year 2000.

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Well, yes, but they then came in, I thought what would be more

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marvellous than having Edward as the basis of my passwords.

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Is he still the basis of your passwords?

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No comment.

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What I will say is that I spent a long time when I was bored looking

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for him on Facebook and that sort of thing, and on one occasion

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I found him and, and messaged him and there was no reply

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and I was very upset

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about that, and I always wondered what happened to him.

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And now I see.

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I'm struggling with this cos this is a thing that is done.

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I had a crush on a boy in school

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and his name is the basis for my passwords as well

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and I've been trying to stalk him on Facebook but he doesn't exist,

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he's not on Facebook, which makes him even sexier.

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-But I'm saying this is...

-So you've got that exact story?

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Very plausible, yeah, this is my story.

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His name's Luke Matte, do you know him?

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-Yes.

-You know?

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-I know Luke, Luke Matte.

-No, because he was like...

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Yeah, he lives two doors down from me, single, newly single.

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-No.

-Yeah, he works for Medicines San Frontier as,

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-he's a human rights lawyer...

-No!

-..that works with them,

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but he takes six months of the year off

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because he runs a place for distressed puppies.

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Ahhh.

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He's a good guy.

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You know what, I literally just set him up with someone last week, that's so annoying.

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Ah, how frustrating. Great guy, hell of a guy.

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-All right, who would you like to...

-That's very plausible.

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Who would you like to quiz next?

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Denise, explain what happened with Edward in the car

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and Daley Thompson.

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Yes, so I was parked in the car park at a stadium.

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Which stadium?

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Birmingham Alexander Stadium, in Birmingham, and...

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-Which car park? So like you had to...

-Just VI... VIP.

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OK.

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-It's probably the Denise Lewis car park.

-Yeah.

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I mean, to be fair,

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if you own a car in Birmingham you're automatically a VIP anyway.

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LAUGHTER

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APPLAUSE

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Why are you clapping?

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So I'm in the car park, went off to work,

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had a big national championships, came back out,

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desperate to get back down to London,

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and my car was blocked, blocked in.

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That was Daley Thompson?

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That was Daley Thompson.

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Well, hang on. How do we know that? Let's take it...

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What happens next?

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Well, Eddie, he's an, an official.

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-Right.

-You know, he used to be an athlete - can see he's well stacked.

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What was his sport?

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He was actually a thrower.

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- Of what? - Discus.

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Sorry, are you actually... you're a BBC commentator

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-and you called him a thrower.

-A thrower.

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So he's a thrower of the incredibly heavy Frisbee.

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Yes, yeah, he used to compete, national level.

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- OK. - Didn't quite make it.

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-Yeah.

-Didn't quite make it.

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All right, he is here!

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-It's not easy to get to the top.

-Yeah.

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-RICHARD:

-That's such a show-off thing to do.

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Well, I'm sorry. I'm just saying.

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It's actually really, really hard to be an amazingly good athlete.

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Some people can do it, some people can't do it, Eddie, I'm sorry.

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So there you are, Denise, you're blocked in,

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-Eddie, Edward is there.

-I'm livid.

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Cos he's an official, he used to throw things.

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When does Daley come into it?

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Well, his...has a private registration plate

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and I didn't notice that.

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He's got, he's one of those people... What does it say?

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-DT10.

-DT10. Of course.

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- DT10. - Fibber.

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I said to Eddie, "I need to get out of here quickly, can

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"you help?" He said, "Let me go and get some of these other throwers."

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They said, "Listen, if we manoeuvre this car, swing the back out

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"a little bit, you should be able to manoeuvre around Daley's car."

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But so you never met, I'm sure you have met Daley Thompson

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but he never turned up during the anecdote?

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Couldn't find him anywhere. It's only when I came back to

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the car did I realise it was his car because of the number plate.

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-But you were looking for him before that?

-No.

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Just to sort of commiserate -

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"The person I need to talk to now is Daley Thompson cos

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"if there's someone who understands a parking crisis it's him."

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Can I just check,

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have you two met? Cos you need a really good defence lawyer.

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No, I do.

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-Can I continue?

-Yes, please do.

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Thank you. So Eddie came to my aid and helped me manoeuvre the car

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and away I went.

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Away you went, and Daley Thompson turned up presumably later?

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-I don't know cos I didn't see him.

-You didn't see him.

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-- Have you seen him since?

-Yeah.

-- Yes.

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And have you mentioned this story to him?

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Yes.

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-And, OK, that checks out.

-What did he say?

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-- Yeah, that's the question.

-- DENISE:

-What did he say?

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-Yeah.

-Oh, shut up.

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-Ah!

-He said, "Oh, shut up"?

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Listen, I've known Daley a long time,

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one of the first things he said to me, at the age of 14, he called me...

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Was, "Look after this bear."

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All right, now, of course

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perhaps most the plausible of all is yet to...

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Just remind us, Lee.

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This is Edward.

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I once dressed as his wife so his son would think

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he'd seen his mum whilst performing in the school play.

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What was the play?

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It was actually a nativity play.

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OK, and what was Edward's son playing?

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Edward's son was playing Joseph.

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Were your children in the play?

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My children were not in the play, it would have been inappropriate

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due to the fact that they don't go to that school.

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So you went, you went to a school

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where your children are not enrolled, dressed as a woman...

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Well, correct.

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..to trick a little boy into thinking you were his mum.

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Yeah. Yeah, I admit when you say it like that it does sound a bit dodgy.

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Let's, let's go back. Lee, let's go back to the beginning.

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How did this come about, how did Edward approach you?

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So Edward was at the school and apparently,

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he got a phone call off his wife saying that she couldn't make it.

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Now, his wife had already missed three or four big events, you know,

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all the big ones that are important like, the sports days

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and the various things and this was sort of like I promise

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you I'm going to be there, I promise you I'll do this one.

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Why, why wasn't she there?

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Well, something to do with work, something got...

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What's her work?

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I didn't get chance to get into too many details,

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Edward rang in a panic, absolutely panicking he was.

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-What's her job?

-What's the wife's job?

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-Yes.

-Actually I don't know his wife very well.

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-Do you know him?

-Oh, Edward, yeah.

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You're the first person he'd call, though, but you don't know his...

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That's right, because me

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and him do lots of things behind his wife's back and he knows that...

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-So he rang you up.

-Yeah.

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And what did he say?

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He was panicking and went, "Lee!" I went, "What?"

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He said, "She's not turned up again," I said, "Who?",

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he said, "My wife." I said, "What DOES she do for a living?" He said,

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"Not now!" He said...he said,

0:16:260:16:29

"I need your help and I need it quickly."

0:16:290:16:32

-Yeah.

-I said, "You know me, I'll always be there for you."

0:16:320:16:35

He said, "I need you to meet me at my house," so I get to the house.

0:16:350:16:38

-You get there.

-I run in the house

0:16:380:16:39

and he only had time for one phrase.

0:16:390:16:42

"Put this on."

0:16:420:16:43

He said, "I need you to dress as my wife because last time

0:16:440:16:48

"I went to see him in a play, she didn't turn up." And I said,

0:16:480:16:52

"But you saw me, right?" And he said, the kid said,

0:16:520:16:55

"No, I didn't see you cos the spotlights are so bright, everyone's just like a silhouette."

0:16:550:16:59

So, he said, "That's how I think you can get away with this,

0:16:590:17:03

"I want you to dress as my wife and then

0:17:030:17:06

"when he looks out he'll think that you're with me."

0:17:060:17:09

Did he notice your beard?

0:17:090:17:11

Well, this is the thing. I said that.

0:17:130:17:15

Now, as luck would have it

0:17:150:17:16

I don't know what his wife does, but she has a beard.

0:17:160:17:20

I know she works in a circus but I don't know exactly what she does.

0:17:200:17:24

That was very well dodged, Lee, I must say.

0:17:310:17:34

No, she... At the time, I did not have a beard.

0:17:340:17:37

-Oh, you were clean-shaven.

-Yes.

0:17:370:17:39

Which is why he was annoyed, cos, like I say, she does.

0:17:390:17:42

Does she have a very distinctive silhouette?

0:17:440:17:46

She does.

0:17:460:17:47

I would describe her silhouette as Lee Mackesque.

0:17:470:17:51

It's the only way I can describe her.

0:17:520:17:53

Did you have to wear a wig?

0:17:530:17:55

No, I did, I didn't wear a wig

0:17:550:17:56

-cos luckily his wife has very short hair.

-And a beard.

-And a beard.

0:17:560:18:00

Didn't wear a wig, so you just went with your head,

0:18:000:18:03

shaven but, yeah.

0:18:030:18:04

I went, I just went with her silhouette. Look, with a hat,

0:18:040:18:07

scarf, pipe.

0:18:070:18:08

But what did you wear?

0:18:080:18:10

But you, you haven't told us.

0:18:120:18:14

"Nice one, Jesus!"

0:18:140:18:15

You haven't told us what you put on in your friend's bedroom.

0:18:170:18:21

So he had all, all the things were about, all the clothes.

0:18:210:18:23

What he got a range for you to choose from?

0:18:230:18:26

Well, she had things...

0:18:260:18:27

"Pick out something nice that you fancy."

0:18:270:18:29

He said... He had it ready for me when I got there.

0:18:290:18:32

He said, "This is what she would... We could get...

0:18:320:18:34

"This is the stuff that the kid would recognise."

0:18:340:18:37

So we went with a long mackintosh.

0:18:370:18:39

What's Edward's son called?

0:18:410:18:42

Edward's son is called Eddie, little Eddie.

0:18:420:18:46

That was a bad choice.

0:18:480:18:49

Yeah, well, little Ed.

0:18:490:18:51

And then after the play, that lovely bit where the kids excitedly go

0:18:510:18:54

and meet with their parents and say, "How was it?"

0:18:540:18:57

That was the bit that we were worried about.

0:18:570:18:59

"How was it, Mummy and Daddy?"

0:18:590:19:00

Well, I had to do, there was only one thing that we could do, I said

0:19:000:19:03

to him, "You're going to have to totally commit to this,"

0:19:030:19:05

and so we're now married...

0:19:050:19:07

..and we adopted him and we ran away and the wife doesn't know

0:19:070:19:10

where we are and this is the first time she will have known about it.

0:19:100:19:13

No, we actually we stood at the back

0:19:130:19:16

and as he walked towards us I sort of turned around, walked quickly

0:19:160:19:19

and sort of waved like that and he said...

0:19:190:19:21

You ran away from him?

0:19:210:19:23

Yes, well, what choice did I have?

0:19:230:19:24

And apparently, big Ed said to me afterwards, he said,

0:19:240:19:27

I just had to say, "Oh, Mummy's gotta get back quickly,

0:19:270:19:29

"she's..." Well, I don't know what she does for a living, he didn't know either.

0:19:290:19:33

All right, we need an answer.

0:19:330:19:35

So, David's team, is Edward Robert's childhood crush,

0:19:350:19:38

Denise's car carrier or Lee's hoax husband?

0:19:380:19:44

Well, it's...

0:19:440:19:45

Well, I mean, Lee was fairly convincing.

0:19:450:19:47

-Hard to see past that, isn't it?

-What do you think?

0:19:490:19:51

I feel like when Denise was telling her story Edward was smiling

0:19:510:19:55

a little bit more.

0:19:550:19:57

Look at him, look at his... See.

0:19:570:19:59

Gosh, it's difficult, isn't it?

0:20:000:20:01

I'm tempted to say Robert.

0:20:010:20:03

You think Robert?

0:20:050:20:06

I'm really torn, I would say Denise but I just don't know cos

0:20:060:20:10

I was wrong once already.

0:20:100:20:12

OK, time to make a decision, David.

0:20:120:20:14

-Shall we say Denise?

-Who's it going to be?

0:20:140:20:16

Oh, right, so you, you think it's Denise now?

0:20:160:20:18

If you two think it's Denise that's great, I can opt out,

0:20:180:20:20

if you both think it's Robert that's great, I can opt out,

0:20:200:20:23

if you both think it's Lee, I've overruling you.

0:20:230:20:25

We'll go Robert.

0:20:280:20:29

Going to say it's Robert.

0:20:290:20:31

If this does turn out to be true,

0:20:310:20:33

you do realise we're about to witness quite a moment.

0:20:330:20:39

So, Edward, would you please reveal your true identity?

0:20:400:20:44

I am Edward, and I am... I was Robert's inspiration

0:20:440:20:47

for a password.

0:20:470:20:49

Would you like to say anything to Edward, Robert?

0:21:050:21:08

I could dress up as you and fill in, I'm trained.

0:21:080:21:10

What would you like to say to him? Here's your chance.

0:21:120:21:15

-Yes, yeah... Hello, Edward.

-Hi.

0:21:240:21:27

Well done, you really kept it together.

0:21:290:21:32

Edward, did you realise that Robert had this crush on you?

0:21:320:21:36

-No, not at all.

-Ah.

0:21:360:21:38

Oh, you must have done.

0:21:380:21:39

What a lovely evening this is for you, then.

0:21:390:21:41

Thank you very much, Edward.

0:21:410:21:43

Very nice to see you.

0:21:470:21:48

Which brings us to our final round, Quickfire Lies.

0:21:500:21:53

And we start with...

0:21:530:21:55

..it's David.

0:21:550:21:56

Ten years ago, on this show,

0:21:580:22:00

I revealed I'd only ever bought one album,

0:22:000:22:04

Phil Collins, But Seriously.

0:22:040:22:08

I'm now pleased to report that I've since doubled my collection.

0:22:080:22:11

Lee's team.

0:22:130:22:15

What's the album, what's the new album?

0:22:150:22:17

Uh it's, uh, it, it's...

0:22:170:22:19

Well, I didn't... Hang on, check something...

0:22:190:22:22

I... It...doesn't say on there.

0:22:220:22:24

-I can't remember the name of it.

-You can't remember...

0:22:260:22:29

-Can't remember?

-..the name of the only other album you've bought.

0:22:290:22:32

I know the artiste.

0:22:320:22:34

-What's the artist?

-It's, it was Susan Boyle's album.

0:22:340:22:37

Why would you buy a Susan Boyle record?

0:22:420:22:44

With the greatest of respect to Susan, why would you choose her?

0:22:440:22:48

Well, because it was, you know, it was much talked about at the time

0:22:480:22:55

of its release and I was looking for something to write about.

0:22:550:23:02

You've not got that journalist job at the NME still, have you, David?

0:23:020:23:05

No, no, for the Observer.

0:23:050:23:08

Can you remember the name of any of the songs?

0:23:080:23:11

-No, I, but these...

-Wow.

0:23:110:23:13

But, wait, wait, I could guess a lot of the songs cos they weren't,

0:23:130:23:17

I don't think she'd written the songs.

0:23:170:23:18

We were talking about it earlier, weren't we?

0:23:180:23:20

You said your favourite was I Dreamed A Dream.

0:23:200:23:22

Can you just give us a rendition of that,

0:23:220:23:24

-can you hum that or sing that or something?

-Can I hum I Dreamed A Dream?

-Hang on.

0:23:240:23:28

I don't think you can because we'd have to pay then,

0:23:280:23:30

so it would be inappropriate, so you mustn't.

0:23:300:23:32

-Sorry. He's very experienced in TV.

-Sorry, that's annoying.

0:23:320:23:35

Well, I'll tell you what, David, I will tell you...

0:23:350:23:37

-He learned from the best - Tony Verrill.

-Yeah.

0:23:370:23:40

David, I will tell you the names of some of Susan's album

0:23:400:23:44

releases, or escapes more than releases...

0:23:440:23:47

..and you tell me if any of them ring a bell, OK?

0:23:500:23:54

-OK.

-The Gift.

0:23:540:23:55

I don't know.

0:23:570:23:58

A Wonderful World.

0:23:590:24:01

I reckon that might have been on there.

0:24:010:24:03

No, this is the album title.

0:24:030:24:06

-Oh, sorry, oh, the album title?

-Yes.

0:24:060:24:09

Was the album title The Gift?

0:24:090:24:11

Oh, no, now, I promise you the album title is not going to ring a bell.

0:24:110:24:15

Because for me it was The Susan Boyle album.

0:24:150:24:18

OK, you can't remember the name of the album,

0:24:180:24:20

you can't remember the name of any of the songs, can you remember how you felt listening to it?

0:24:200:24:24

ROBERT LAUGHS

0:24:240:24:25

I think I felt... My recollection is I felt it was fine.

0:24:260:24:30

-Fine?

-Yeah.

0:24:300:24:32

What's it going to be, Lee? Time to guess.

0:24:320:24:34

-Denise, you're saying it's a...

-Lie.

0:24:340:24:36

-A lie?

-No, I actually think it's true.

0:24:360:24:38

-It's true.

-Mm.

0:24:380:24:39

Yes, I'm with Denise, just about.

0:24:390:24:41

-OK.

-OK, going to say true?

0:24:410:24:44

-True, yeah.

-OK, David, truth or lie?

0:24:440:24:46

-It is true.

-Wow.

0:24:470:24:49

Yes, it's true, David has indeed doubled his music collection.

0:24:520:24:56

Next...it's Katherine.

0:24:560:25:00

I was ticked off by the head master after I mistakenly packed

0:25:020:25:06

a pina colada in my daughter's lunch box for a school trip.

0:25:060:25:10

-Whoa.

-Lee's team.

0:25:100:25:12

-Wow.

-Wow.

0:25:120:25:14

What did you think it was?

0:25:140:25:16

Well, they have these lovely, really lovely, like, frozen packs

0:25:160:25:19

for the freezer, and you just take them out and squeeze them out,

0:25:190:25:23

it's like a little frozen...

0:25:230:25:25

But they really look juicy. I thought it was just a little juice.

0:25:250:25:28

Are you thinking of Fruit Shoots and things like that?

0:25:280:25:31

No, no, I'll tell you the name, do you want to know the brand name?

0:25:310:25:33

-Yes, I do.

-Capri Sun.

0:25:330:25:35

-Oh, the fruit drink in a pouch?

-Delicious.

-Love 'em.

0:25:350:25:37

So why did you think it was anything else, cos you were the one that bought it?

0:25:370:25:41

Yeah, because I just buy lots of stuff for the fridge.

0:25:410:25:44

I just grabbed it because I'm not with it in the morning

0:25:440:25:47

cos I'm having pina coladas the night before.

0:25:470:25:49

What did the person at school...

0:25:490:25:51

Did you get a telephone call or were you invited in?

0:25:510:25:53

-Oh, I was invited in on this occasion.

-And what did they say?

0:25:530:25:56

-Hello, your daughter's drunk.

-Yes.

-No.

0:25:560:25:57

Your six-year-old's wasted again.

0:25:570:26:00

She didn't drink it, she knew right away what it was, it wasn't for her.

0:26:000:26:03

-Did she report you?

-Yeah.

0:26:030:26:05

Oh, she's a grass.

0:26:050:26:06

She's such a grass.

0:26:060:26:08

She tells people, "My mummy hides wine in the walls," but that's...

0:26:080:26:11

-In the walls?

-..a wine rack.

-Oh, I see.

0:26:110:26:14

But they have problem with me anyway.

0:26:150:26:18

-Why?

-Why?

-They've met her.

0:26:180:26:19

Well, yeah, they've met me, that's number one,

0:26:190:26:21

I did a school run in a bathrobe.

0:26:210:26:25

-No.

-Oh. What?

0:26:250:26:27

-DENISE:

-One of those, really?

0:26:270:26:29

You go to school in a bathrobe?

0:26:290:26:31

-Yes, because...

-What have you got under the bathrobe?

0:26:310:26:33

None of your business.

0:26:330:26:35

So talk us through now, you've gone into the school,

0:26:360:26:39

they've called you in, to the head master, or head mistress' office.

0:26:390:26:42

What happens?

0:26:420:26:44

They just said, "I suppose you thought you were being funny,"

0:26:440:26:47

and I said, "I'm sorry, what was funny?"

0:26:470:26:49

And they said, "You know what you thought was funny," and I said,

0:26:490:26:52

-"No, I really don't know."

-They spoke to you like that, a parent?

0:26:520:26:55

Yeah, you should see my fresh look,

0:26:550:26:57

they think I'm 16, that's the other problem.

0:26:570:26:59

-Who does?

-The faculty, I don't know.

0:26:590:27:02

How sympathetic was this lighting, was it sort of...?

0:27:020:27:05

Don't you find that the....

0:27:090:27:11

We've been doing this show 11 years, that's the most catty thing

0:27:110:27:13

that's ever been said.

0:27:130:27:15

So, Katherine, he says to you, "What do you think you're doing?"

0:27:150:27:18

-What happened then?

-He had the pina colada in his desk drawer and said,

0:27:180:27:22

"It's not funny to send your daughter on a school trip with alcohol."

0:27:220:27:25

-Wow.

-What do you think, truth or lie?

0:27:250:27:28

-I can see her doing it.

-Yes.

0:27:280:27:29

I really could see you doing it, Katherine.

0:27:290:27:32

- Thanks. - But, I think it's a lie.

0:27:320:27:34

So, basically you don't think this particular incident is true

0:27:340:27:37

but she possibly is an alcoholic.

0:27:370:27:38

I think it's most certainly a lie.

0:27:400:27:41

OK, well, my team seem to think it's a lie. So we'll say lie.

0:27:410:27:44

OK, Katherine, truth or lie?

0:27:440:27:46

Nah, it IS a lie.

0:27:460:27:48

Oh.

0:27:480:27:49

APPLAUSE

0:27:490:27:50

I didn't do that.

0:27:510:27:52

Yes, it's a lie,

0:27:520:27:54

Katherine didn't put a pina colada in her daughter's lunch box.

0:27:540:27:57

BUZZER

0:27:570:27:58

Well, that noise signals time is up, it's the end of the show,

0:27:580:28:01

and I can reveal that Lee's team have won by four points to one.

0:28:010:28:03

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:28:030:28:04

Thanks for watching. We'll see you next time. Goodnight.

0:28:070:28:10

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