Missing Dad My Life

My name's Flynn.

I was four years old when my dad went to prison.

Prison is a place where people go when they've done something wrong.

It's not a nice place to be.

It has high walls...

..barbed wire...

..and all of the doors are locked.

My name's Tala.

When my dad comes out of prison, I'll be 14 years old.

My dad doesn't have a bedroom, he has a cell.

He has to spend a lot of time alone in there.

But he puts my cards around his bed.

Lots of children who have parents in prison don't tell anyone.

I want to be honest about it,

because there's nothing really to be ashamed of, is there?

I wish people would understand...

..what it's like to have a dad in prison.

Hello, today I'm getting ready to play football at my tournament.

I'm feeling a bit anxious, worried.

I'm feeling very excited, as well.

I think Dad would want to be here with me,

because he's never seen me play football in a real football match.

Feed four, Wilf, if you can.

Go!

THEY YELL

I really like football, and I play five times a week.

The worst thing about Dad being in prison is Dad not being there

to cheer me on.

My mum and my big sister, Maisie, are always there.

But it's not really the same without Dad.

We did, kind of, everything together.

And I think that shows that we were really close.

Smiles, everybody.

Hi, Dad.

So, today, me, Mum, and Maisie are at the beach.

It's a really nice day.

I have decided to start making little videos for Dad,

so he can watch the videos when he comes home.

MUSIC: Pompeii by Bastille

How does she do that?!

Flynn, I left the towels at home.

Oh, my word. You didn't!

-I did. I forgot the towels.

-Oh, my God.

Here is Maisie-roo, ready to go for a swim, also.

One in seven children have a parent in prison at some point in their

lives, but you never hear it spoken about.

It's just a big secret.

We'll be coming up to 2,295 days since Dad was arrested,

which is a really long time.

Cos that's when everything went downhill at school, and I got like

depressed and anxious, and everything,

and went from being the happy, popular girl to being

the girl that just sat there, and did nothing.

Me and Dad had a really good relationship...

HE SCREAMS

..when he went to prison, that kind of broke.

My dad's prison sentence is 24 years.

Yeah, we're expecting him to do 12 years.

Something to do with drugs.

It's really difficult to think of your dad sat there behind bars,

or whatever,

in that tiny room.

I like to wear my dad's clothes quite a lot.

Just to make me feel closer to him, or whatever.

Just makes me feel like he's there with me all the time.

OK.

OK, go!

Like that? OK.

My name's Tala, and I live in London.

And...

This is my dog, Ruby.

Everyone thinks she's a puppy, but she's actually ten.

I think she kind of misses my dad,

because she's been slightly strange lately,

because she's been shaking a lot.

Dad's been in prison for nearly a year now.

But he doesn't want me to be really sad, because then he's sad.

So, what do you say when friends ask you what your dad's done,

or why he's in prison?

I say that it's to do with taxes,

but they think that he's stolen money from the government.

Mm-hmm. And your friends understand that?

Yeah, they pretty much understand it,

cos they know it's a bit more complicated.

It's really hard to put into words.

Mm-hmm, I find it really hard to understand,

and I find it hard to tell my friends.

Yeah.

This is my mum and my dad,

and this was on the beach about a year before I was born.

That I... There he is!

-Hello, my little darling. You OK?

-Hello, Daddy. Yeah, I'm fine.

-Yeah, what are you up to?

-I was just about to read your letter, erm...

You aren't allowed a mobile phone in prison,

so my dad calls from the prison phone every day.

And you only get ten minutes exactly,

but then you get cut off from him.

Since I've been...

-Those are our beeps?

-Yeah.

-I better get back, then.

I love you so much, Daddy. I love you so much.

Mama, if you want to say I love you. He needs to go.

This is my prison diary.

I usually write in it when I'm very angry sometimes.

And it feels like I can let my feelings out into this.

I only get to visit my dad for two hours every few weeks.

Visiting him in prison can be quite difficult.

You need to wait outside the gates for ages,

and they don't care if it's raining.

They'll just make you stay outside.

You go in, and get searched.

ALARM BLARES

They check you for drugs.

They look inside your pockets, and under your hair.

You're not allowed to take anything in,

because prisoners can't have anything from outside.

You walk down a corridor, and then you see the visiting hall.

And then he stands up, and we rush and hug him.

There's this table between him and me,

and he sits in this big yellow chair.

He's only allowed to get up to say hello.

I don't want to be in a noisy visiting hall,

with guards watching our every move.

They won't let me be alone with him.

It's like he's not allowed to be my dad any more.

We were like best friends.

On the weekends, we would be with each other most of the time.

Like, I miss him a lot.

I sleep with Daddy's scarf.

I, kind of, just hug the scarf, and I just think about him,

kind of, say goodnight in my mind to him.

MUSIC: Stubborn Love by The Lumineers

Hey, guys. So, me and Willow are just playing football today.

-Willow, my niece. Hello, Willow.

-Hi!

I thought we should just video this,

cos I wanted it to be a memory for Dad.

Nice!

HE LAUGHS

Me and Maisie are looking through the videos for Dad.

Happy birthday, Flynn.

Oh, my word.

Unwrap it, then, while Dad's on the phone.

Happy birthday!

There's no internet in prison,

so Dad won't get to see these until he comes home.

-Thank you.

-Sweet stuff, then.

I'll be 16 by then.

THEY LAUGH

Hey, told you!

-Show it to Dad, then.

-That is red.

Show us the gap.

And then there's the tooth, with the blood in it.

-Oh, look at it.

-Yeah, I know.

-Oh, lovely. I'll just zoom out.

-It's very juicy.

Dad definitely needs to see this.

Let's not!

Right, so it's Saturday morning.

I'm on my way to football.

This is Wilf. He's my best friend.

He's my best friend at school, and at football.

I don't think we'll really survive in life if we don't have friends

to help us.

We're best friends in class.

We always laugh at each other.

Because my dad's not really here, Wilf, like, kind of

lends his dad to me.

Mike's really nice.

He's lovely.

He's always really kind to me.

What's it like when your dad isn't here?

It's... I don't... It's hard to explain.

-I don't really like it.

-It's, like, you need your dad.

Yeah, all the time.

Does my dad cheer you on when you're playing football when you've scored

-or anything?

-Yeah.

But there's a difference, though.

Your dad doesn't give me hugs.

PHONE RINGS

-Hello, son, how's it going?

-Good, thank you, you?

Yeah, I'm well, mate. How did you get on with footie today?

-Good.

-Did you score any?

No, I was so close to scoring a lot.

Usually, I don't really speak about Dad being in prison,

because I'm worried people will judge me

and I won't be able to make new friends.

People will think, "Oh, they've done something bad.

"You don't want to be friends with them."

It's silly, because you shouldn't judge someone by where they are

or what happened to them. You should judge them by their personality.

There was definitely a gossipy feeling, because it was everywhere,

all over the news, all in the newspapers,

social media and everything.

People will say, "Oh, they should've thought about it

"before they committed the crime,"

but people do have flaws, and things do just happen sometimes.

I wish other people would understand...

..not all people in prison are bad.

PHONE RINGS

Hello.

-Hello, Flynn boy.

-Hello, Daddy.

-How are you, mate?

-Good, thank you. you?

-Yeah, all right, did you have a good day?

-Yeah.

-What are you doing tomorrow?

-I've got a

-football tournament, haven't I?

-Yeah, of course you've got football.

There's a Grand Prix tomorrow as well.

-Who do you want to win?

-Hamilton.

Yeah! Lewis Hamilton, eh?

-Yep.

-HIS DAD LAUGHS

-All right, then, mate. I'll say night-night, yeah?

-Yeah.

Bless you, see you in the morning.

I love you to the moon and back a hundred million trillion times.

I love you. God bless you, see you in the morning.

I love you to the moon and back one hundred million trillion times.

-God bless you, see you in the morning.

-I love you, boy.

Just remember, you're the man of the house while I'm not around,

-and you've got to look after them girls, haven't you?

-Yeah.

I always get dreams that he's coming home.

He's waking me up and stuff, but that never happens.

But Mum brings all of the happiness and joy into our house.

I try to look after Mum, but sometimes

I'm extra loving with Mum because...

..Dad was her husband, and is her husband, and...

..she hasn't got him around.

Sometimes, you just need a bit of dad advice or whatever,

and time to spend with your dad,

so it's that stuff that people take for granted,

just being able to talk to their dad about stuff.

I try to help Mum out as much as I can, but I'm a teenage girl.

I've got limitations.

I just want a normal life and spend time with my friends or whatever.

Whose job is it to worry?

-Yours.

-It's not the kids' jobs to worry,

it's the grown-ups' job to worry, isn't it?

So don't you do the worrying. Your job is to be a ten-year-old boy.

Yeah? And just be my Flynn, and for Maisie to be Maisie, not worry.

-Yeah.

-I'm the grown-up. Even if I don't act like it sometimes,

I'm the grown-up.

# Just a young gun with a quick fuse

# I was uptight, wanna let loose. #

250,000 children have a parent in prison.

I think lots of the children don't talk about it.

# Thunder, thunder

# Thunder

# Thunder, thunder, thunder

# Thunder, thunder. #

This is my big sister, Erica.

# Thunder, feel the thunder

# Lightning and the thunder. #

I'm going to make my diary into a blog

so that other children with parents in prison don't feel alone.

Erica's helping me with my blog.

This is the photo that I've chosen to be the main picture for the blog.

It was on the last morning.

Nice. You look really happy.

Yeah, I was. Because I was just kind of... I wasn't...

I didn't want to be sad because it's the last morning I had with him.

What would you want them to feel when they read your blog?

I don't know. That...

..it's like, it's nothing to be embarrassed about,

because they should know that it's fine to tell people.

My name is Tala and...

-..my dad's in prison, and this is my prison blog.

-Yeah.

-Do you know how to spell blog?

-Yeah.

-Yeah. Good.

The guards won't let me stay with my own father.

It's almost like...

..he's not allowed to be my dad any more.

Hopefully, other children, like, feel that they can

talk about it, and they shouldn't be, like, ashamed or anything.

It feels better when it's not a secret.

You feel like someone knows and knows what you're going through

and then will help you.

When my dad first left, I asked what was happening.

My mum was still in shock.

She said, "Some people think that your daddy has stolen some money."

"So, is he going to prison?"

I was just joking, but when my mum said yes, I froze.

I felt like my heart had shattered into a thousand pieces.

Oh, look. Can you relate to this?

"I felt like my heart had shattered into a thousand pieces."

Yeah.

So now you found this blog, how does that make you feel?

Obviously, you're not alone.

Yeah, so there's someone else that...

..can relate to everything, can't they?

-She's not keeping it in, is she?

-No.

It brought my confidence up, so I can go and actually tell

other people, apart from just telling you.

So you're doing OK.

You should be proud of yourself.

Because we are, we're proud of you.

I'm about to see my dad and I'm really excited,

because I haven't seen him in three weeks.

It's not very nice here.

But that doesn't matter, because I just want to see my dad.

Here comes Steve! Here's Steve!

This is my friend, Sid.

He's in the same school as me, but he's the year above me.

I gave this card to you because you're having a hard time

-while your dad's in prison.

-Thank you, Sid.

Do you ever, like, feel brave...

..or do you feel, like, shy when you go to school,

that your dad's in prison?

Well...

Sometimes you just forget about it and...

-You just carry on.

-Yeah, you just carry on like a normal life,

but then you know that your life isn't a normal life.

Then sometimes,

you just pretend they're here with you and just sit on the sofa,

just thinking, not doing anything,

just thinking that they're here with you.

What's the prison like when you go to prison?

Well, there's strange people just watching you saying hello

to your dad, and you're just like,

"Why are you watching us?

"Why do you need to watch us?

"Can we not have anything private?"

I do not want him to stay at prison.

I really want him to come back so he can like come and watch me

play football.

I'm always here when you need me.

It feels good to talk to you about him.

Now I've been keeping it in all this while...

..and now you've come and asked me these questions, it's like...

I've got no more worries any more.

That picture's funny. That's good.

I'm really excited about today

because today we've got a special family visit,

and Dad gets to walk around, play with us, out of his seat.

We're literally just pulling up to the prison,

and I've got butterflies in my tummy.

You can't take anything into prison.

I wish we could take the camera, but we can't.

# Mister Blue Sky, please tell us why you had to hide away

# For so long?

# So long... #

DOOR SLAMS

Today was very exciting...

..because I got to see my dad.

I was really happy to see him and I was just, like,

with him all the time.

I told my dad about my blog,

and he said it was really good that I was influencing other people

and letting them know that they're not the only ones.

It made me feel really happy because he was proud of me.

Today was really different, compared to a normal visit,

because normally we only have two-and-a-half hour visits,

but today we actually had six-hour visit.

Dad got to, like, walk around with us and play with me.

Dad gave me like a tickle and, like, he never normally tickled me,

because he's not allowed to.

Today was the first hot meal we shared with Dad

in seven and a bit years.

Me having a meat pie and him having chicken.

And, yeah, it felt quite strange, because, like,

I don't really have a memory of eating with Dad.

I don't know how to really explain how hard it is to say goodbye

because I don't think many people have just had to say goodbye for...

..that, something like that.

When we say goodbye, normally, it's like, just one person at a time,

but today we got to have like a group hug.

It was like the old days.

And Mum always says, "Don't worry, we're fine," and we are.

We're always all right.

Best thing about my family is we're all positive.

We're all really loving, positive.

We're all there and supportive for each other.

I know, like, what it's like to have a parent in prison,

and it's very tough, but, yeah, we're going to get through it.

-Hello.

-Hello.

TALA: Hello!

Tala, if you speak to someone, does it like make you feel better?

My friends kind of help me along.

Yeah, my sister really helps me as well.

If you've got a family member in prison,

my advice would be to stay strong,

keep battling through it, and tell people.

Don't keep it inside yourself.

Tell people, but don't just tell one person

and then keep talking to them about it.

Yeah. But at your school, there's no-one else whose parents

-are in prison, is there?

-Yeah.

Whereas, when you get to high school, you meet more people.

I want people to talk to me about it...

..because I wouldn't get upset about just talking about Dad.

I like talking about Dad.