Survivors: Despicable Dick Storyville

This programme contains strong language

-MEN TALK OVER EACH OTHER

-Thanks, God.

-Thanks.

I'm Richard and I'm an alcoholic.

ALL: Hello, Richard.

These are the rooms that I, um, sobered up in 20 years ago.

Six, eight weeks ago, there was a sermon at church,

um, where the priest was talking about humility...

..and how pride precedes our fall.

It was one of those "a-ha" moments that I saw that my arrogance and pride

was at the root of an awful lot of my disruptions.

A lot of the ruptures with people, and it's a long list.

I'm making amends and the hard part for me

is to change my behaviour so I don't have to keep making amends.

MUSIC: "Wand'rin' Star" by Lee Marvin

I could puke when I hear any of that fucking 12-step shit I can't handle.

Don't piss people off for 50, 60 years, and you won't have that fucking problem!

He shouldn't have to come back begging for forgiveness.

Quit fucking up and you won't have it.

I'm sorry for doing that.

But then, before the sun goes down, you turn around and do the same thing again,

or again and again and again, and, pretty soon,

the word "sorry" hasn't got a lot of substance to it.

It'd be like the word, er, "paper".

He's not capable of feeling any empathy towards other people.

He just is not capable of that.

He's only capable of looking out for himself.

I wish I'd never met him.

# I was born

# Under a wandering star

# I was born

# Under a wandering star

# Wheels are made for rolling

# Mules are made to pack

# I've never seen a sight

# That didn't look better looking back

# I was born

# Under a wandering star... #

-HE LAUGHS

-I didn't have any intention of cutting you off.

As matter of fact, I'd be more interested in turning you on.

Mm-hm.

We're not going to go there? OK, we won't go there.

If you had a look at me right now, you'd get the darnedest kick

out of the setting you'd be looking back at.

-I'm still in bed. Are still in bed?

-'Yes.'

-Wow.

-And now you don't want me to talk about any other stuff, right?

-'Right.'

-OK, just about spiritual stuff.

-'Right.'

Because you know I'm out here in the hills preparing, huh,

-to become more spiritual and preparing to go on a journey of redemption.

-'Right.'

I'm frankly finding it very difficult and very, very emotional.

'Well, no wonder you're still in bed at 12:30.'

Ah! The sweet light of morning, except it's damn near evening.

Our Father, who art Thou in Heaven...

HE MUMBLES PRAYER

My old lover Beth.

Gosh. Fall madly in love with the young lady and, two weeks later,

after we'd spent about two weeks in bed,

I announced that I am off to marry my wife. Ha, my wife to be, Lynn.

Whoopty-effing-do.

Now I'll stick around with Nola. Looked just like Goldie Hawn.

My former wife Lynn.

Leaving her on my wedding day, our wedding day.

Having an affair with her brother's fiancee.

Bankruptcy.

Gus Breck. Never did get him paid.

My buddy Tex Gerger.

Attempting to lay my best friend's wife.

Er, some things you really don't have to look too far to see who's at fault.

Son Greg.

Oh, Lord, oh, Lord in the back of a Ford.

I used to be a Dick.

And the essence of this journey is to kind of work on being more of a Richard.

I don't have the ability to make a disgruntled brother like me.

But I am able to take the action that's necessary to right the wrongs

that I've had with these people in my life.

When somebody around recovery speaks of

the worst day they had sober is better than the best day they had drunk,

well, bullshit.

They obviously weren't along at some of the parties that I was on.

I had a hell of a lot of fun for a hell of a long time.

But we're warned in recovery about euphoric recall.

As I think about the good times and the good drinks,

it's good to remember the horror that it lent itself to.

MUSIC: "Days Of Wine And Roses" by Frank Sinatra

# Days

# Of wine and roses

# Laugh and run away... #

Omaha, you know, where my formative years in the insurance business...

This is where I was trained, this is where it started.

This is where I was trained to be a trainer.

After having been the leading salesman the previous summer, at age 21, in the nation.

A man who felt he had the world by the tail. This was where I met Nola.

Fell in love.

On reflection, I'm thinking maybe fell more in lust.

The first lady who ever had a hold of my pecker.

I thought I'd died and gone to heaven.

Hm.

# The days of wine and roses

# And you... #

I love getting to North Omaha and finding a real black barbecue place.

I tell you.

-I'm Richard, who are you?

-I'm Rose.

-How are you, Richard?

-Hakuna matata.

Come and get it!

Is anyone going to believe you, Dad? Is anyone?

You know, who's known you for very long, going to say, "OK,

"you fooled me 10,000 times."

And now you're on another mission to tell me how good you're going to be.

I'd really like to make amends for your mum.

I'd give her a call. But, last time... She talked to me two days ago.

She said she didn't want you around.

Maybe the thing to do would be for me just to show up.

Don't get shot! Well...

HE LAUGHS

Hi, Mum.

You know why I'm calling.

I just was wondering if you'd let him come up and say his piece.

I am asking you, kind of, like, for me.

But there's no harm in it.

Yeah, I expect, if you want me to.

I'll be there.

All righty. We'll see you.

Mum said yes.

-Excuse me.

-You're all right.

-911.

-Yeah.

-911.

-You're all right.

-When?

-Right now.

We were married eight years, '62 to '70.

He lived in the same apartment building that I did.

He came in with a bottle of scotch

and said, "Would any of you like a scotch?"

He knew that all of us were engaged when he first knocked on our door.

I thought that took a lot of nerve.

I guess he was pushy,

aggressive.

He was different from anybody else I knew

and those differences are probably what I liked about him

when I married him, and I detested when we divorced.

-Thanks for having him.

-We all get a little older, don't we?

It's good to say hello. It really is.

Thank you for seeing me.

I have amends to make with a lot of people, Nola,

-you're one of the main ones.

-I am?

-Right.

-I don't know how I rank.

-Well, you rank near the top...

-Thanks(!)

-..of people that I've effed around in my life.

That might be true, that might be true.

-Because I really am tired of being a dick.

-Dick the prick.

-Uh-hm.

I think of pushing you,

of trying to shove you out of a car,

pushing you over the edge and you taking a bunch of aspirin

and going to the hospital to have your stomach pumped.

Well you...

..you'd grab my arm and throw me around once in a while.

-I just...

-Not on the dancefloor.

-No.

I...

..I don't want to remember some of this.

It's still painful.

And...

..I don't know.

It's better to remember the good times.

Meeting Judy Garland was one of the highlights of my life.

A duchess.

-You got a good system.

-What?

-You got a good system.

-Yeah.

My son gave it to me.

# Rooms to let 50 cent... #

MUSIC: "King Of The Road" by Roger Miller

-Can you still dance?

-No.

I'll just reminisce, then.

You taught me to jitterbug. Thank you.

-We were a head-turning couple.

-I think that we were.

People were attracted to us.

For some unknown reason.

-Good chat with her?

-Better than good.

A miracle just happened there, I'll guarantee your sweet ass.

Cousin.

Knocked his brother's ass on the ground.

He did something bad.

Did something that made him mad.

The brother got up, dusted himself off, and he said, what,

"I'm sorry."

Hit him again, assholes over elbows, he laid him out.

He got up the third time, and said, "What d'you hit me again for?"

And he says, "For saying you were sorry."

And not meaning it.

-Oh...

-So, if I'm a little leery...

We've never had this kind of conversation before, I don't think.

Well, I never had any faith in you, to be honest.

-Well...

-You want me to be nice?

No, it ain't going to happen. I'm not going to be nice.

-Well, let's get a little specific.

-OK.

In '70, when your mum and I divorced, and Mum died,

and Uncle Dee had just died, and, you know, a rather eventful year...

It was probably as vulnerable a time as you could have had.

You were just six.

And I think you could have used a present dad.

And I, instead, uh...

..chose to hitch-hike around the world with my brother Mike.

And your mum talked about that period as a time where you'd gotten a card or something from me,

it meant so much that you carried it around.

Got stuff in the mail, that's all I looked forward to.

Well, at least I did that.

I've still got one of the books you sent me.

-Really?

-Yeah.

-What was the book?

People's Encyclopaedia Of Australian Animals.

Huh.

Well, unfortunately, a large part of what I have to make amends for

is we didn't bring you up.

I wasn't present a lot.

If... If I were a better dad, what would I do and not do?

-To be a better dad.

-What, like, from here on out?

This moment forward.

I don't know.

Everybody just loves attention. Pay attention to me.

How's that? Pay attention to me.

I got something important to show you all the time.

You're my dad, I want to impress you, whatever.

Got things to share with you.

I'm proud of what I've done, I want you to be proud of what I've done.

We're all little boys in ways.

We want our mummies to love us.

And in my case, my mummy died when I was an adult,

but still, you know, there was no mummy to run to.

I've had a long time to think about it, and basically,

what you're looking for from me is...

I... I've started to feel like it isn't my job, it's God's job.

CHORAL CHURCH MUSIC

'When we used to give the safety lecture to a group of hunters before we'd go out into a field,

'something that I'd always say and remember -

'once that trigger is pulled, and those babies have left the barrel,

'no matter how much you'd like to call them back,

'the explosion has occurred, and they're on their way.

'And the consequences of my actions

'have hit and splattered people and relationships

'that, like Humpty Dumpty, may never be put back together again.'

MUSIC CONTINUES

Thought you were never going to get here.

Aaah...

Is it OK that we do this right in front of your son?

It's OK, I don't want to kill you yet.

THEY LAUGH

Well, you know, I think quite honestly, there is a jealousy thing

on the teenage son

and a new boyfriend.

I don't want to kill you,

I just want to strangle you till you pass out, really.

See? Now I understand! Now I understand!

I just want y'all to like each other.

Why are you putting yourself through it?

-Even more...

-Why can't you just...

..let it go, and like you're always saying, you know,

we should stay in today.

Well, I think this is exactly being in today.

I mean, what day do I have to make these amends rather than now?

How long do you think it'll take to get through everybody?

Well, as far as the ones that I've got a pretty good idea...

then, you know, I've got to get this complete.

Names just keep popping up.

I've stuffed a lot of us.

And I'm sure that why it's so emotional now, once you start thinking of one...

..then you think of another.

This could go on... This is probably going to go on for years.

Oh, yeah.

-I love you, honey.

-I love you too.

Any crap we have to clear up from today,

or are we going to sleep in good shape?

Ah... I think we're in good shape.

THEY YAWN

-Night night.

-Night night.

I love you.

HE MAKES A TARZAN CALL

DIALLING TONE

NUMBERS DIALLED

Uh, Daniel, this is Richard Kuchera calling from the Dakotas.

I'm a gentleman in recovery,

and as a part of that programme, I'm to reach out and make amends

to people and institutions that I've harmed or taken advantage of.

I've conned a lot of people in a lot of ways,

-and your airline are one of the people that I've conned.

-'Really?'

I flew on youth fare till I was about 40, so I conned you.

HE CHUCKLES

And then about that time, by putting powder on my hair, white,

and getting a cane and a little wrinkles,

then I started flying senior citizen.

RINGING TONE

Well, I'm thinking that I'm going to reach out and call people

that I've kinda jacked around all my life.

See if I could make an amends before I go off to Gloryland.

'Oh, well, are you planning on going soon?'

HE LAUGHS

RINGING TONE

'Hello?'

Gus Brett, Dick Kuchera calling.

-'It is?'

-Yes, it is. A voice from the past.

-'Oh...'

-You give me a weather report from North Harmon Drive,

and I'll give you a weather report from North Dakota.

'Oh. What are you going to do, pay me or something?'

Um... Pay you or something about what do you mean, Gus?

'Well, what you owe me.'

Oh, that's exactly why I'm calling.

'Or are you scamming me?'

Uh, no, I'm, calling to see if there'd be a time I could see you next week,

and I'd like to make an arrangement for that,

and I'd like to discuss it with you, not this week, but next week.

'OK. Sounds like a winner.'

I look forward to seeing you then, Gus.

-'OK.'

-Bye-bye.

-'Bye.'

-Said he wants his money!

-HE LAUGHS

OK, you pissed me off very much this morning,

I don't know what time it was, six or five in the morning,

sometime before sunrise.

You may be owner of the house, but you woke me up

by opening and slamming the door,

and setting shit on the stairs in my room.

It may be your attic, but it is also my room.

RICHARD CLEARS HIS THROAT

Lord, for our sake...

No, why did you put that shit on the...

I don't care about your prayer. I'm sorry, I'm not religious.

I...

I don't give a fuck about your prayer.

The walking stick idea really helps defuse situations,

where each person gets to have their say.

If there's anything you have to say right now. You're passing?

Look, can we drop the damn stick and not do the stick for a second?

You understand that? RICHARD CLEARS HIS THROAT

I'm frustrated that you lay in bed virtually all day.

I'm frustrated that you're not doing your schoolwork.

I'm frustrated that you have food, clothing and shelter provided...

..and in my opinion do very little for your share of it.

Because in my opinion

if your behaviour doesn't radically change, you will not be

in an environment of freedom, but you will be institutionalised.

And I can only state in my case that if someone was in a position

of authority had this effect on me earlier and I can't turn the

clock back, but I think it would have made differences in my behaviour.

I'm done with this conversation for now.

There is now an opportunity for each of us

to figure out our responsibilities.

It's now an opportunity for me to quit listening to you.

RICHARD SIGHS

I would sure like your opinion on what has just transpired.

I'm not sure what to think.

Pardon?

I just keep thinking that it would be better

if we weren't all under the same roof.

My buddy Tex.

Some things that you really don't have to look too far to see who's at fault.

DOG BARKS

-Someti...

-HE SIGHS

..friends as old as you and I

don't need to talk to communicate.

HE SIGHS

Er, I'm certainly not going to put you on a pedestal and polish your halo

and put it on your head and call you a saint, but the fact of the matter is, um,

I don't know who you've offended in your entire life.

When you were in Germany...

..um, had the girlfriend Shirley Fisher.

And ended up necking with her.

Well, as I recall, you brushed it off as nothing important.

I didn't brush it off, Tex, and I'm saying again I'm sorry.

That follows into taking a shot at your wife.

At The Clique...

..ranch house, guesthouse.

We were butt-ass naked, as I recall, or close to it.

Where did the bear rug fit into that whole episode?

I think there'd been more than a little booze involved.

There was a bear rug on the cabin floor.

So you put it on and we took a picture. You've seen that picture.

I don't remember the picture,

but I remember being nude with a bear rug on.

-You weren't nude yet. That was after the strip-poker game.

-Oh, OK.

I remember we ironed it out. I remember that. Between us, I thought we'd put it to rest.

Of course, it never was put to rest with my wife.

-This has festered ever since and just gotten worse.

-And what?

This has just festered in her ever since and gotten worse.

And, er...

This is helpful, Tex,

because I know that I've offended many people in many ways.

But, in some instances, um, there were booze or drugs involved

-that cloud...

-Mm-hm.

Um...

How is it that I never had a room-mate at college

that wanted to live with me?

How is it that I've had two wives and several relationships?

How is it that I go through secretaries like a merry-go-round?

How is it that I'm always struggling to find somebody to go hunt with me?

Why am I pushing people away like that?

I feel that sometimes, as serious as you are,

there is something in there that isn't letting you completely give up your old self.

That there's a...

-That you're still hiding behind something.

-What?

You're using your ability to talk, to communicate,

to still further your own ends.

Is it just...?

And maybe this is why people have a problem when you try to make amends.

They're thinking, "Is he really serious?"

There are times when they're not sure if you're sincere.

-That's probably because there are times when I am not sincere.

-OK.

OK.

Question answered?

CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS

She made a special statue for each one of us.

So a great fanfare as she opened the package. She handed me the package.

With a great fanfare, I opened it up.

And there was a really nice statue of a donkey.

I said, "What's this supposed to mean, Mum?"

She said, "You really do remind me of a braying jackass a lot of times."

How do you love a mother like that and show respect for her grave

when she does something like that to you?

What did she disapprove of?

What did she disapprove of?

Being unkind to others.

Looking down at someone else.

Thinking you were better than someone else.

Every time I see you, you look a bit lighter.

-With...

-What?

-..things getting off your mind, you know?

-Mm.

And, er, I think you're doing good, I really do.

Of course, you don't have... I don't have nothing to square with you.

-We never hurt each other outside of calling you "bohemian" or something!

-Yeah.

You know, so we have nothing there.

When I listen to you, you're making an honest appeal to these people

to get this closeness back that you want with your family.

Because right now, you're out there without of a family, kind of floating in the air out there.

How would I make an amends to Mike,

the embarrassment of a brother going broke?

The way that I so viciously, with my vicious tongue, cut him down.

HE EXHALES

Just a hello, or call him up, tell him you love him. You know.

I would just reinforce the brother part of it

and not worry about the rest of it.

And, er, sometimes you feel sorry that something happened, but you don't really

put yourself in the other person's place and so you always wonder, "Why can't they warm up to me right now?"

"I've said I'm sorry."

But I've always found I had to put myself

in their situation. to see what it felt like.

You know, then that really became a sorry.

It became a tearful sorry.

And the only one that can heal that is the man upstairs, whoever that might be.

-This might be our last birthday together.

-Yeah.

I'm sure it probably will be. I don't look to be around here another year.

DICK EXHALES

I keep a real stiff upper lip till we start talking like that and then...

I'd like to... DICK SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY

But I have to say in front of God and everybody, you're absolutely nuts.

You know, I have to tell you that to your face!

-I don't want to tell it behind your back.

-Isn't that right?

-You're absolutely nuts.

-Absolutely!

I know!

But, see, if you don't act nuts all the time, they don't throw you in.

-Right. You've got to...

-You've got to con 'em.

-You've got to walk the line.

I couldn't get a better comment.

I love you.

-You're a good man. I love you, too.

-I'll say my prayer.

Go ahead.

HE CHOKES

There is no-one that I hunted with as much as Mike.

And there's a sad nostalgia here as to what was, what isn't...

..and I'm hopeful what will be in the future.

But when I look at this picture, there's total joy in each other's company on this antelope hunt.

I sincerely hope that a day like that will return.

It's amazing how he's flushed me out of his life.

Um....

The time that I spent with Mike

was substantially more than the time that I spent with my wives.

How would you not feel pain?

From having had that close a companion, that close a brother,

who has shut you out of their life for...

..nearly two decades.

MUSIC: "Chase The Feeling" by Kris Kristofferson

# It takes one to know one, baby

# I know how you feel

# You got your hunger and some problems that are real... #

Did you know this is the home of the world's only corn palace? You can see it ahead.

All made in corn.

# And I see 'em drag you screaming

# Down the hallways of your brain

# And you got loaded again... #

I was here from '66, about 30 years.

Cock in one hand...

..jug in the other and a joint in the mouth.

Drugs, sex, rock'n'roll.

I effed it up totally here.

There was no goodbye party.

I pissed off so many people, that it was a good riddance.

It's good coming back in the frame of mind I'm in now,

rather than walking in like somebody with their tail between their legs,

ashamed of who they're going to see and wonder who I'd stiffed.

# Turned into despair

# You know you do better, baby

# You just didn't care

# Cos you were loaded again

# And you're handsome when you're high... #

Back in '72, we started with a thing called Robin Hood.

Dick was, of course, Robin Hood

and I was referred to as Little John.

We hunted in the daytime and drank at night.

It's fun and games and it's good,

but then it gets to the point where somebody has to pay.

In other words, being responsible.

For example, a collector came in and says you're a credit card holder of such-and-such company

and Dick said yes.

And the guy says, "Can I see that particular credit card?"

The guy pulled out like a gun out of his side and it was a scissor

and it was a credit card and he snipped up the credit card right in front of Dick.

With that, not missing a beat, Dick says to me,

"Mike, do you've those filet mignons thawed out for supper tonight?"

Turns and asks the gentleman that snipped up the card,

if he would like to join us for filets tonight at the lake.

The guy refused and stomped out.

End of the story. HE LAUGHS

That would be Dick.

# It's a wonder you're alive... #

I was upside down financially, emotionally, marriage,

business, spiritually.

Virtually nothing was upside right. Everything was upside down. They call it a bottom.

I didn't even recognise it, because I was still in a fine home,

driving a fine car, all of it built on a false foundation that went crumbling.

Denial - more than a river in Egypt.

# Whoa, nothing matters

# Chase the feeling till you die... #

Well, good morning to Michael.

You know, I was kind of disappointed yesterday, Mike.

I went by the lake and, of course, whoever owns do what they do,

but I remember there were apple trees often blooming at my old place.

Yeah.

Well, hey, as I say, had I not effed it up financially,

I'd be looking at the apple trees, so...

Did you plant any apple trees at your place?

Yeah. I know. It varies a lot.

I'd really like to get by and get a few shots and to stay a few minutes with you.

I'm sure you're running somewhere, but, I'd like to spend a few minutes of my birthday out there.

Sounds great, Mike. Really look forward to seeing you.

Bye-bye.

That, er... That's...

Hm.

You remember where that was.

-In Singapore.

-Singapore sling on the top of the Hilton.

-You remember why my mind was altered on the beach at Bombay?

-No.

-Do you want to hear it?

-No.

-OK.

-That's that black stripper.

-Sombra.

-OK.

-And the husband that beat the drums. The Sheikh.

-Yeah.

-What's the gal's name?

-Um...

Seemed like you spent more time with her than I did. HE LAUGHS

We spent the last night in Ireland with these two

and she's the one that had three breasts.

There's chasing some pigeons in Trafalgar Square, huh?

Yeah. Trafalgar Square.

I wonder what we were on when we did that.

And then we're back in the US that fall,

hunting quail down in Kansas with, um...

Mm-hm.

-There's the Robin Hood picture.

-Yep.

Yep.

All kinds of them.

I know the embarrassment it caused you

with your former partner and brother having bankruptcy

with the Kuchera name smeared all around town.

-And, um...

-A lot of people go through bankruptcy.

-But it reflected on you, Mike.

-Sure it does. Yeah, I can handle it.

-Well, but, um, it seems that I've...

-That was a long time ago.

Well, but people don't forget.

Life's too short to hassle stuff, as you well know, Dick.

Life is hard sometimes just in your own individual life,

let alone stuff getting throwed on top of it.

You don't need it. You know?

-So what have I thrown on top?

-I don't want to get into that. I don't even know.

Nothing, lately! You've been just an absolute prince.

DICK LAUGHS Just an absolute prince.

When I take a look at what I pissed away. Well, like that property down at Lake Andes.

Or the farmstead in North Dakota, or the quarter of ground,

this property, the property down the lake, um...

You know, I've always had to reach quite a bit past my grasp.

But when I take a look at what started here,

and what you've done with it after it was turned this cycle,

-um, I'm proud of you, Mike.

-That's good.

I, um... It really touches me to see. You've kind of made this bloom.

-Yeah.

-History?

-History.

-I like that kind of talk. I like that kind of talk.

-Yeah.

-I do.

-A new beginning.

-All right.

-Amen.

-Amen, bro.

All right.

-You like me fluff your pillow?

-Sh!

SHE LAUGHS

-Ta-da!

-Happy birthday!

-Yay! Hey, JP.

-Hey, man.

Oh, get out of here, I'm going to do something kinky to your mother!

HE LAUGHS

-Welcome, love.

-Happy birthday.

Pretty please on my birthday?

Pretty please on my birthday?

You're asking your girl if you can go to a strip joint on your birthday?!

-I know, it's weird.

-That's like... HE LAUGHS

I mean, I've said some stupid things to women,

but that's, ha, that one hasn't happened yet.

-Go out and look at some hamburger, because I know I've got steak at home.

-Ha, ha, ha.

-I don't want to.

-I accept that.

-Thank you.

Finally.

NIGHTCLUB HUBBUB

Ha-ha! You're on a roll. Keep it going, you're on a roll!

-Oh!

-HE LAUGHS

There's a conman, or, as you call him, Kuchera,

that's convinced my mum to go on a walk with him,

since he noticed that we were leaving, so...

The dumb-ass takes her to a strip joint

after she specifically says she does not want to go.

And if he doesn't know that my mum thinks that's offending at this point,

then he obviously doesn't know my mum.

So that was just a dumb move on him.

The old fucker's just not good for my mum that much, I mean,

she says she loves him and for that I say do what you're going to do, but...

I don't see the consideration for what anybody else wants

or anyone else feels in his normal day life.

The bastard's too good at getting people to do what he wants!

Mum's going to come back here and tell me that we're staying, probably.

# And you know he's a devil

# He's everything that I ain't

# Hiding intentions of evil

# Under the smile of a saint

# All he's good for is gettin' in trouble

# And shifting his share of the blame... #

We're staying here for another day. Probably two, three.

However the hell long y'all are here, we'll stay, probably.

# And some even say we're the same

# But the silver tongue devil's got nothing to... #

So, I'm in the middle of bumfuck-nowhere...

..for another day or so.

# The silver tongued devil and I... #

Maybe he'll end up in a car wreck on the driver's side.

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

So, where you at now?

You know, there's, I think,

an interesting observation around recovery,

where I've been 100% successful

in surrendering and having God help me put down the bottle and the pipe.

But there's no other area of my life

that I've been 100% successful in recovery.

Well, I mean, I can tell you the words of the process -

it's dumping and being sorry

and then making up your mind not to do it again.

It's pretty easy to come out with the words.

But, as Father Zandri said,

for my penance, "This time I'd like you to change."

And that's difficult.

I'm willing, but...

it's difficult. I like a lot of my wrong behaviours.

Even if it kills you?

Or hurts yourself or hurts others?

If you can ride the ridge just perfect,

you can get the juice without the consequences.

But that only happens rarely.

-Does the juice make you happy?

-Temporarily.

-Or is it a false juice?

-Temporarily.

So, is the excitement your anchor?

Is that your life?

CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS

MUSIC CRESCENDOS

My old lover Beth had no idea that I was an engaged man.

Whoop-dee-effin'-doo.

You have snot on your shirt.

-That's true.

-Yeah.

-I apologise.

-I just noticed it.

When we met, in March or April,

and proceeded to spend...

..what, 10/12 days in bed,

coming up for air, and I was a great cook -

if you remember, we'd have fine food and more fine wine and more pot.

Um, but then got up one day and say, "Well, I have to go get married."

Yeah. "It's Sunday and I'm getting married on Saturday." I remember it distinctly.

-Yeah.

-And then, you know, you talk about the merry-go-round

and get there and then realise that I ought not to have married her

and leave the day of the wedding, then go back,

she takes me back and have...

I've never had a more delightful time

than that cruise on the honeymoon.

-And then come back and...

-There I was.

-Here we go again.

Well, like, every afternoon for a while. Yeah.

But then again, I showed up too. You know.

-But you started this story.

-Yup.

You started this story under false pretence,

in violation of the pledge that you had made

to marry that other woman and without having disclosed to me

that you were engaged to somebody else.

And we had fabulous sex, there's no question about that. But it's like...

It felt like you...

I don't know - I can't find the words.

It's like not having respect for other people's boundaries.

Whether those are physical boundaries,

emotional boundaries, you know.

It was just one manifestation of it.

-Ouch.

-But...

Ouch.

Yup... Yup.

-I was just a kid.

-What?

-I was just a kid.

SHE SIGHS

You weren't so much a kid when you were 21 and vivacious

-and beautiful and rocking and rolling.

-I was still a kid.

HE SIGHS

So...

I am... I am ready to receive your apology.

Um... I think, um...

When you were at one of your most vulnerable places,

where you'd been hospitalised and you were struggling,

every way a human can struggle,

And I didn't really come there to help, I came there to fuck you.

I apologise for that.

To me, I take some heart and some joy in the fact that,

in spite of violations of that magnitude,

you've always remained my friend.

And you've always been there.

-And I know you always will be.

-Yeah.

God knows why.

For, as obnoxious as you are and as hard as it is

to be in your presence sometimes,

um...I love you.

And that's just the fact of it.

And it's not an "on again off again", I've always loved you.

And...

You know, it damn near corrupted my soul.

-Beth, what's the difference between fucking and making love?

-Oh...

What's true in your heart.

I think, with you, it's been both.

Yeah, well...

I was always making love to you.

HE SIGHS

I don't remember any time that I've had

a greater clarification of what happens.

When I think of a conscience as a triangular shaped object, steel,

it's sharp at each of the three points,

and in the bottom of your stomach,

when you do something wrong it turns around and you really hurt.

But if you keep doing it, the edges wear off

and you become amoral.

I never realised before

how fundamentally wrong that was.

I was in as big a state of denial about being goofy

as I was a drug and drunk.

And that's why,

when I followed Beth's advice

to go to a 12-step programme,

I went to Emotions Anonymous, for people that were goofy.

Fit right in.

I cried the first hour that I was at that meeting.

I just... I just knew that I was home.

I knew I was with people that understood.

Other people with emotional and mental diseases.

I was in total denial about being bipolar,

all from birth up to about age 65.

About three years ago.

I think it's been very difficult for the children to have had

to learn how to deal with Dick, and continue to.

And they both love him as their father,

but they often hate him as a person.

And I see how they've learned, as they get older,

how to deal with their father... on an adult level.

To the point where, really, they're the adults and he's the child.

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

Kelli is flying in from San Francisco today.

And there was an incredible rupture in our relationship.

And it was ruptured to the extent that one of the hardest

days in my life was when I found out from Kelli

that she was so ashamed of me being her father

that she changed her last name from Kuchera

back to her mother's name, Stratton.

Ta-dah!

Hey, hey!

-Hello.

-It really is good to see you!

Got your hat on.

Mum and Dad, Greg and me.

They met in the airport

and he made some comment about how big her breasts were -

I should remember what the comment was. It was something about,

"Those two brains must add a lot of intelligence to you."

And anybody who meets my mum, they first off wonder how the hell

did she put up with him for, God, 20-something years?

But especially, like, how would he be able to woo her?

Farm-boy, North Dakota, and Mum's from this very affluent family.

Yeah. He's definitely a little stony there.

He apparently used to buy weed by the kilo.

Everybody had their sort of Dick story

of him being in a bar and just being inappropriate

and pulling out body parts.

Um... Zach and I both have a lot of friends who weren't even allowed to

come to our house when we were little. People would always be like, "Oh, God, Dick."

It would almost be like they would be giving me this look,

like, "I don't even know if I want her to hang out with my son or daughter."

And I hated that. It drove me nuts.

It was like I wasn't even given a chance.

HE SINGS

Who's saying a blessing?

There's two ways to react, if someone has never met you before.

They can be, like, horrified. Like, "Who the hell is this dude?"

Most people's reaction.

Or, "He's a little different, but he's pretty cool."

And I chose the, "He's a little different and he's pretty cool."

-I have to say this.

-What?

-The Richard that we know now...

-Oh, it's not the same as when I was growing up.

-Not the same.

This may be kind of a painful thing, but...

Yes, doctor. Let me get on the couch.

Your wife, Lynn, and as I got to know her, I kept wondering,

"How is she still with this guy?"

And there was this time, I believe you were on a trip to -

was it New York?

And you were staying in a hotel - a very nice hotel.

For some reason, you got it in your head

to throw Lynn out of the room.

And she was naked.

And you locked her out, so that she was in the hallway,

with people passing by, stark naked, absolutely humiliated,

banging on the door, crying for you to let her in.

Do you remember that at all?

Yes, now that you mention it. Boy, I'd spaced it,

but, yeah, there's a long list of that kind of behaviour.

If that was just one example...

I feel like you really do take it lightly, though.

All the stuff you did with Mum. I really do.

I don't think you take it seriously.

Of course it takes two to tango, but you really fucked up, Dad,

you really did.

You really, really... did some awful things to Mummy.

And you've come a long, long since then - you really have -

but I don't ever feel like you don't really fully grasp that.

Nola and Mum are probably the people that you've hurt the most.

And whose lives you've affected the most.

-Do you get sick of me quoting Tolle in The Power Of Now?

-Mm-hmm.

"Yesterday is a regret. Tomorrow is a fear."

Isn't that such a nice, easy way to live your life?

I sure prefer living today than I do yesterday or tomorrow.

I completely agree, but you also need to

take stock of what you've done in your past.

Live for the moment, for sure,

-but also realise what you've done in your past.

-I have.

I hope to be able to see your mother

and to speak of actual instances of what I've done wrong.

Um...

I have more work to do.

Bye-bye, Kelli!

Bye-bye, Kelli!

If you hurt those around you, isn't that counterproductive?

Doesn't it hurt you?

I mean, if you love people, and you hurt 'em anyway - which I have,

which he does constantly - and you don't have any regard for 'em,

you're not really taking care of yourself at all, are you?

'At the tone, please record your voice message.'

Since you and your mum hate trips that someone else pays for,

hate staying at a nice room,

hate fine meals, hate Cirque du Soleil shows,

I know you will be disgusted with my latest scheme.

Rather than me and Muhammad going to the mountain,

I'll bring the mountain to Muhammad.

I'll send your mum an airfare round trip, Vancouver-Vegas,

put her up, wine her, dine her

and make my amends under favourable circumstances.

HE SIGHS

The brilliance of my trip planning.

What do you think of it? Give me a yell.

This former wife who lives in Vancouver -

at any rate we found out it was cheaper to fly her to Vegas

-than it was to go to Vancouver to get the amends.

-Oh, wow.

My wife was coming in, my daughter, Kelli, and my son, Zach.

My son and his wife from Omaha from my first wife

are coming in tomorrow.

HE LAUGHS

Welcome to Las Vegas.

CHEERING

# Ooh, Las Vegas

# Ain't no place for a poor boy like me

# Ooh, Las Vegas

# Ain't no place for a poor boy like me

# Every time I hit your Crystal City

# You know you're going to make a wreck out of me... #

-Hello. Good to see you.

-It's good to see you.

HE LAUGHS

# Third time I lose a drink Cos I think I'm going to win

# Ooh, Las Vegas Ain't no place for a... #

The whole restaurant was quiet and then he'd be,

"Now, anyone here having problems?

"I don't want you sitting round having a good time.

"I want to tell you that we're having problems."

It's like, "Oh, God help them!"

Well, he apologises all the time. Did he do that with you too?

Well, that's nice. No. No, I didn't get a lot of that.

-Well, that may be a new thing.

-Yeah.

-He's real quick with apologies.

-Yeah. Oh, that's good.

-Yeah.

And then he turns round and does something

that's so endearing that it's like, "How can you not love him?"

Yeah. Yeah.

SHE LAUGHS

It's been a long time!

THEY LAUGH

-Just keep talking. That fools them.

-No, seriously...

How's the Yankees doing?

For only 720, there's just eight people that no longer hate me.

Well, there's several of them act like animals. I'm with the family.

But, at least two would qualify as people.

You don't have a big cabin, like, a family would fit in, do you? No?

We're all incestuous, so it's going to be a lot of fun.

What was that you said, ma'am?

'Just come on down to the front desk...'

Oh, come down to the front desk and everybody will join in?

'We like to have fun here.'

HE LAUGHS

SLOW BLUEGRASS MUSIC PLAYS

As far as specific amends, Lynn, there's a lot of 'em.

And, as I really stop and examine 'em,

um, it's only in retrospect can I see how wrong my behaviour has been

in a lot of instances with a lot of stuff.

I think my infidelities that started before, during and after our wedding

was the biggest single amends that I have to make.

Another that comes to mind of,

you know, the horrible embarrassments I caused you,

I think in general with my bizarre behaviour in public.

Uh...

Well, my God, being unfaithful

to you and your brother - his fiancee.

-I mean, how does behaviour get worse than that?

-Yeah.

What could be worse behaviour

than having an affair with your brother's fiancee?

I don't know if you'd call a one-night stand me behaving?

-Yeah, that...

-Yeah, that was kind of right up there, wasn't it?

Yeah. I got a few that'll rank right up there, uh-huh.

I remember once when you and I were not getting along

and Georgie Macheski had a psychic come to Mitchell.

And this little man looked at me

and he said, "Well, you know, tigers don't change their stripes.

"Whatever he is, that's what he is and he'll always be that way."

And I agree with that statement, generally,

erm, however, people can change if they really, really want to.

-Are you going up now?

-We are.

You know, this is a good first experience, Dad, and I'm glad you've shared it with us.

I'm glad you got us here, I really am.

If you want to step over,

I'd love to say a couple of things to you before you take off.

-You want to lay down by me here a minute?

-Sure.

Well, I've really felt bonded with you, young man.

I've really appreciated your help.

Your biggest thing, Dad, and I know this is really hard

cos you're doing really good,

-is that people are jaded towards your past behaviour.

-That's right.

They're jaded towards you

and they have automatic responses that are conditioned responses.

-That's it. You're 100% correct.

-And I know you're cognisant of that.

Yup. All I'm doing is getting my shit off my chest,

and, you know, doing my job.

I made an amends today to the park service. That was a hard one.

Oh, you know, I think you're getting too carried away.

-Well, it's...

-Do you really... I mean, it's almost like

if you keep seeking out these bad feelings, you're going to have too many of them.

-Well...

-And some of it, I think, is just overboard.

It's a rigorous moral inventory. Everything. You don't...

Yeah, but the whole point of life is everybody tries to be good.

-Why don't you just give up on it? Quit trying to be good.

-Oh...

I'm going to catch a little snooze.

BLUEGRASS MUSIC PLAYS

I mean, he's embarrassed all of us so many times.

And he continues to embarrass people that he's with. Did you guys...

Did he ever risk your lives? Do things that would risk your life?

Driving while hunting, driving while hunting.

-Where he holds the gun out the side window?

-Yeah. He did this.

I was like, "No, no, no." Seriously, our dad had this story.

Our pet dog really is stuffed above his fireplace mantle.

And it's been hours and hours of entertainment for our friends

and our friends' friends or people we just met.

One thing that's very important to realise is that

-it's so easy to be negative about everything the old man's ever done.

-Yeah.

But then I guess that's the focus of what he's trying to do is make up for it, make amends for his hurt.

But it wouldn't be fair to not give him his due

as far as the good things he's taught us to be.

-I mean, I don't mind being anti-establishment.

-Oh, yeah.

-Ain't none of us do.

-I think we're quite proud of the fact we're anti-establishment.

-We feed off of it.

-And we think on our own.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

I've thought about it a lot and really,

through and through as much turmoil as he's caused,

when I think about it, I still think that I'm actually pretty happy that he's my dad, you know.

-Like, he's such a character.

-I like that.

We're hopeful that last night he had sleep.

Can you shut off the air blowing on my head here? Cold air.

I would like my friend to know that I am very pissed off

because I got waked up at 5:15am in the morning

so that my friend could do all of his exercising,

take his shower, chop up food for everybody

who doesn't particularly even want the food,

and now he's ready to take a nap,

so I get to drive the fucking car.

-SHE SNIGGERS

-Now...

Excuse me. This is... Excuse me.

Excuse me. This is... Excuse me.

No, no, this meeting is held with two people. Just two people.

It's not a meeting for other people. So please be quiet.

It's just between two people.

I'm sorry. I thought it was like that couple's communication when you chased me down Main Street,

where there'd be 15 people eating and say, "We got to talk right now,"

and I'd say, "Dick, this is private, between us."

"No, we're talking right now. Tell all those people in the booths to get out of here.

"Because I'm going to talk to you right now."

But I guess now your mind has been changed.

Which is nice. Privacy is nice.

Um...

In response, Barb,

I, um, am going to sleep now

because one of the challenges

that everyone is having because of my behaviour

is that I'm in a manic state because I haven't had enough sleep.

And I was unable to go back to sleep when I woke at 5:30

So, I'm attempting to get some sleep now that I think will be

healthy for me and healthy for everyone else in the car.

And when I express how badly I feel, that's the beauty of the meeting.

We get to express our feelings

without being attacked.

So, I'm expressing my feelings.

# Walking in the sunshine Sing a little sunshine song... #

Of all the

years of stressful times with my ex-husband,

this has been the most stressful

and tense vacation I've ever been on in my life.

And that's saying a lot.

# Walking in the sunshine Sing a little sunshine song... #

And how long can you go on saying, "Well, he can't help himself",

so you just put up with it?

You know, his abuse and his apologies,

and then more abuse and then more apologies.

I just... I don't know how much of it is really, truly out of his control

and how much of it, you know, is just...

He just doesn't try to control himself, I don't know.

# Think about the good times had a long time ago

# Think about forgetting about your worries and... #

CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS

Uh...

If you're wondering why I called, Gus, it goes back a long time,

but you guys did some wonderful work at my place.

One thing I paid for and the other one I didn't, if I remember.

Do you happen to remember which one was which?

I know you owe him 2,000.

It's which amount?

I know that there was

the one thing that had gotten paid

and then I knew that the other thing hadn't gotten paid.

Uh...

And... Uh...

So, I don't have enough money to pay everybody in full

with everything right now, but what I'm going to do with everyone is

see if they'd accept a down-payment,

and then I'll make a payment each month.

I mean, I don't have to tell you, I ran up some debt in this town.

-Oh, I know.

-But...

-Your reputation precedes you.

-You bet.

-You bet. How would it be any different?

-Everybody's does, but.

Right. No, I fully understand.

CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS

In this long journey that we've had on this road to redemption -

or to partial redemption is more accurate -

we certainly have seen a lot of my behaviour

that you certainly wouldn't put down on the plus side of the column.

My behaviour today reflects that I'm moving toward being Rick -

maybe not Richard yet, but certainly not Dick.

So, perhaps today, I can just say that,

with some progress, I'm now Rick.

Not as bad as Dick or as good as Richard.

As people get older, they get to be two things.

Either really funny and cool and wise and happy and fun,

or nutty than a pet coon.

Or they're still believing the delusions they had their entire life.

I've got a feeling my old man will become, if he lives long enough

and gets through this, one of the wisest old men who ever existed.

But he's still got a lot of work to do.

Yes, anything is possible. Yes, he can make amends. Will he do them?

The jury is still out and the time is clicking - he's 69.

Will it happen?

Don't hold your breath. He might turn kind of blue now.

We'll have to see.

HE WHISTLES

MUSIC CRESCENDOS

Good dog.

# Be my staple and my state

# Please just help me through each day

# As I walk this weary way upon my soul

# And when judgment falls to me through my saviour shall I be

# Given peace eternally upon my soul. #

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

E-mail [email protected]