A Place to Call Home True North

CROWD SINGING: # Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you

# Happy birthday, dear Vance

# Happy birthday to you. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Look at the back.

-Look at the back?

Oh, that's great, that's a lovely picture. Oh, wow.

BUZZ OF CONVERSATION

Yeo! HE LAUGHS

-Oh!

-How did you know?

-How did I know?

Well, this is a...

My belated birthday party... which is...I'm 40...I think I'm 41.

I'm either 41 or 42.

The majority of people will be able to pinpoint

"I was born on this day, this year at this time,"

and I can't even pinpoint...let alone a time but a year.

We had no birth certificate, we had no...no name.

To have nothing like that must be pretty...pretty hard.

Cos most of us when we're grown-up, your mother says,

"Oh, I remember the day you were born."

SHE LAUGHS

Yeah.

So, sadly, that's just a big gap.

Mum, do you want some cake?

HORN BEEPS

Hi, Melissa! Hi, Stacey!

Are you going to work?

You should have had your BM out instead of this. THEY LAUGH

-It's in the shop getting work done.

-It's in the shop.

All right, I'd better shoot on here

because there's a lot of stuff to do. All right, Sammy?

I suppose the best thing about the town is

because I've lived here for so long, I know a lot of people

and I'll pop in and say hello

and even though it is a small town compared to other ones, there is

that kind of friendliness as well, you know, that I'm drawn to.

How's it going, Kenny?

-What about you? What are you at? You're everywhere.

-What?

-Everywhere I go, you're there.

-You're stalking me, that's what it is.

If I ask myself, "Where am I from?"

I would have to say I'm from Vietnam

but I've grew up in Lurgan or Northern Ireland.

I'm definitely a Lurganite.

Do I feel loyal to it?

To be honest, it comes and goes because yes,

sometimes I'm proud to be a Lurganite,

but it's always in the back of my mind that, you know,

there's always going to be some kind of...not racist remark,

but some kind of not a PC remark, you know,

and I'm always aware of that because it's always happened, you know?

And people don't see that.

We didn't know much about him.

We didn't know what age he was,

we didn't know what the background was,

we knew very little.

I just, you know, felt a bond to him instantly.

I suppose the excitement of the two boys having this ready-made

brother who they fussed over a lot

and he became part of the family very quickly.

Very much it was a case of, "This is your new brother,

"he's from Vietnam and his name is Vance", and that was it.

It was just like, "He's your brother,"

and we just got on with life

and did all the brotherly things.

And there was no distinction made.

The McElhinneys, actually, we were unknown until Vance came.

SHE LAUGHS

People would automatically go over and have a look at him

and he was quite a celebrity.

He loved it. He really revelled and he still does revel in that...

attention that he gets.

He gets a buzz from that.

I became more aware that perhaps as we thought,

"Oh, Vance was a bit of a celebrity," when he was a wee fella,

but actually what some of the other things that he may have had

to deal with, or he covered up or didn't communicate properly

and whether that means that it impacts your family members as well.

His way of dealing with adolescence was probably more difficult for him.

And the ability to accept unconditional love

which he knew he had

became a bit more difficult.

Steven, Vance, myself have the same parents, you know,

and were brought up by our mum and dad.

But I have no comprehension at all

of what obviously he thinks about

and his feelings towards Mum and Dad

because they are bound to be different from ours,

cos...they are his adopted parents.

FUZZY VOICE THROUGH RADIO

-REPORTER:

-A savage scene, sadly familiar. The horrors of Vietnam.

GUNFIRE

-VOICE-OVER:

-The relief plane had landed at Saigon Airport

for an unknown number of Vietnamese orphans.

Hi, my name is...

Vance.

My name is Vance McElhinney, Van Tan Nguyen.

I was one of the ones that left in 1975

when the Daily Mail flew us out.

I was adopted by the McElhinneys in Northern Ireland.

I'm now 40, I think.

Oh, no, 41, I think I am.

41.

It has been a struggle.

I've had two failed marriages and I've no children, you know?

And I think, sometimes, you know...

Yeah, it hasn't worked out as well as it should've.

I feel it's time to find my roots and go back to Saigon,

Ho Chi Minh City, and see if I have family over there.

I know it's a long shot, but I feel I need to try.

I'll be going over in September this year.

I feel I'm not 100% myself here.

I need to go back to Vietnam for the first time,

to know what it's like to be Vietnamese,

a proper Vietnamese person.

It'll be nice to get to know

other fellow passengers who were on the plane

and see what their experience was like, wherever they were growing up.

I think there'll be a connection there, you know?

And that's what I'm looking for. I'm looking for a connection.

-Hiya, Vance.

-Hi, mum.

-How're you doing?

-Not too bad.

-Are you out of work?

-Yeah, just finished.

-Did you get out early today?

-Yeah, I did.

So, I've hooked out a lot of photographs here.

I've heard you like this one.

-Ah, there's my best friend, there.

-Mm-hm.

Dear old Celtic.

I miss her, so I do. I've got a silly cat now.

Mum has loved me from day one.

You know, she's always wanted the best for me, even though

there's times we've had lots of arguments

and there's times we've fallen out.

Remember that one?

Mum will prod and she'll hook and she'll poke

and she'll try to get answers out of me.

SHE LAUGHS

And I won't... I won't respond.

Mum, you probably know there's a lot of things hidden inside me.

It's more to do with myself and the things maybe I haven't achieved,

-or what I think I should have achieved.

-Hm.

I put you and Dad through the mill as well. I know that, you know?

I know that and I've hurt yous enough

and I don't want to hurt yous...

No, but then, I've hurt yous loads of times

-and I just don't want to hurt yous more!

-Yeah.

I guess some of the consequences of the choices that you made

that we worried about...

It was more for the hurt and the hassle that you went through.

I don't show affection or love. I don't show it,

-but I think you know...

-I know it's there. Yeah, yeah.

I think you know that I'm there for you,

but I'm not necessarily going to be...

-There with me?

-There with you. THEY LAUGH

You know what I mean?

My mum has motor neurone disease and, yeah, that's been hard.

How do I deal with that?

I put a kind of shield up to protect myself.

Alls I know is that in the next few years, few months, few weeks,

that I'll need to be there for her.

You hungry?

She was an orphan.

Ended up keeping her.

I wasn't going to leave her to starve, like.

You can see she's looked after!

I don't think she always appreciates it, but...

Scratching me all the time.

I'd prefer a dog, but she's been good company.

I had a dog for 14 years, since it was eight weeks old, called Celtic.

Wee Staffordshire Terrier.

And... Oh, she was lovely.

I've got pictures of her.

This here's my wee memory box.

I don't have very much memories.

40 years of my life all fit in a wee shoebox, it's ridiculous.

But there you are, there you go.

This was professionally done as well.

Me and the wee Celtic.

We slept in cars together,

we've been through six or seven houses together.

She was a good friend.

I've told her things that I've never told anybody in my life,

not even my two wives, not even my mum and dad, you know?

The only time I was very emotional was when the dog died.

Yeah, I was a bit obsessed with the dog.

But then, there was no-one else to be obsessed with, so...

I'm going to see Tom, my P6 teacher from King's Park Primary School.

I'm writing a book about growing up in Northern Ireland

and Mr Morrow has kindly said he would help me proofread it.

Although he's said now I can call him Tom,

but I still find it a bit, you know,

weird calling your primary school teacher by his first name.

So I have to be corrected and he goes,

"No, it's Tom now! It's Tom now."

Being in your class was...

Well, it was most the memorable out of all the years.

I remember you marching us down to Cafollas in Lurgan...

-Oh, yes! Yes.

-..to get ice cream!

And then there was also the tape that you did for us.

We pretended it was a radio set-up

and everybody had a wee piece to say.

There was a couple of news reporters...

Would you like to hear a bit of that tape, way back in 1984?

-Oh, definitely! Yeah!

-Yeah?

TAPE: 'It's Christmas-time and this is Vance McElhinney,

'your host for the next hot episode of...

'The temperature here in the school...' Such a squeaky voice!

'..is almost as hot, as everyone swings into action

'to help with the Christmas concert. But enough from me!'

'By the way, Jerry, what do you call a darkie going up a cliff?'

'I don't know, what do you call a darkie going up a cliff?'

'Black magic!'

THEY LAUGH

You can't get away with that now!

Well, it is funny listening to that now

and you couldn't get away with that now, like.

When I was in primary school, you know,

I don't mean to be whiney, but there was nothing...

-There was no malice.

-There was no malice.

-You see, that's the difference.

-That's the difference.

In primary school there was no malice.

They knew you were a different colour,

but, you know, it was never a big issue, you know?

-And then in secondary school, it was all about the malice.

-Yeah.

In Lurgan I'm always going to be the minority,

and that's just a fact.

There's times I've struggled.

Not only did I have to contend with my skin,

but then of course with Northern Ireland

being culturally divided.

Those two things I had to contend with,

the division of Catholics and Protestants, and my colour.

It was hard enough with one of them,

but with two of them on your back...

I've had to do a lot of growing up.

There might have been other things

if I was living in Vietnam that I'd have to contend with.

But certainly not my colour and certainly not racist abuse,

certainly not being picked on.

I've always felt I've had to defend myself

and I've had to protect myself.

To me, that's not living.

When I go back to Vietnam, I can walk the streets

and not be the minority.

I'll be the majority.

For the first time in my life, I will be the majority.

KEYBOARD CLICKING

"Hi, just wondering if you could help me find some records

"of an airlift that happened in 1975 with the Daily Mail."

"I am one of the refugees that came out of Saigon."

I have very little information.

I mean, really,

it was all very rushed,

and it was...

I treasure this photograph here,

because it's the only photograph I have of myself

in actual Vietnam.

I don't always smile and I'm not always happy,

but when I look at this picture, I think, you know,

despite what I've been through,

there must have been some kind of happiness there.

It's the only picture I have, and that's why it's so tatty.

It might as well be a £20,000 Rolex watch,

because, you know, it's very important to me.

INDISTINCT CHATTING

"Excuse me, I am lost.

-"I am from Lurgan."

-THEY LAUGH

Yeah.

There you go, emergencies.

"Call the police" - you might need that one.

-Call the police!

-"It hurts here."

That's "Toi bi dau o day."

-"Toi bi dau..."

-"Toi bi dau o day."

Jo-bee-do-ba-day.

THEY LAUGH

"Toi bi dau o day."

'There are cultural differences, and yet Vance doesn't know any of that.

'He's just one of us.

'He's culturally ours, you know, but just looks different.'

We'll have a wee look at the map.

Well, do you know where...

-Do you know where Ho Chi Minh City is?

-Ho Chi Minh City?

Yeah, just a minute, it's here. It's on the map.

There it is. THEY LAUGH

Do you know where else you're going, then?

Qua-noi?

-Quin...

-Quy Nhon.

-Quy Nhon. Aye, there's it there.

-Oh, yeah. OK.

Oh, that's a long way.

My mum said that she reckons the actual original orphanage was there,

and then somehow I got transported

from Quy Nhon on down to, um...

-Saigon?

-Saigon.

'He's a survivor.

'All those blows that he has had, you know, and you think,

'how's he going to cope with that?

'He'll get knocked down, but he really does get back up.

'He's a wee fighter, you know?

'And he's good fun. He's good craic.'

-£1 is 34,000 Dong.

-34,000.

-Wait there, £1...

-Write that down.

That's what I'm doing! That's what I'm doing.

£1 equals...

34,000.

'I think we sometimes see him as a little boy, still,

'who needs looked after,

'but we have to keep reminding ourselves that he's 41.'

Sometimes he doesn't get on like a 41-year-old,

but you know, he has to be given that amount of independence.

-£30.

-That's a million Dong.

-£30. Yeah, yeah.

-That's really going to throw you

if you're exchanging dollars, then.

-Don't worry about that. Just leave that for another day.

-THEY LAUGH

What do you think the best possible outcome could be?

I suppose the best possible outcome would be

if there were any relatives there, you know.

-Then what? What if there is?

-Well, then...

Then come home. There's...

I can't get emotionally attached in three weeks to...

-To people you don't really know.

-..people I don't really know.

But it's not going to be if I can't find anybody, that's it.

Just trip over, I'm depressed or whatever.

-I want to enjoy Vietnam while I'm there, you know?

-Proper holiday.

I think whatever it is he hopes to see or to put to rest,

that there'll be something unexpected in there

that he hadn't even thought about.

And that could either be a positive thing for him,

but it also could be potential to destabilise.

So it could go any way.

I'm waiting on a lady called Victoria,

who was on the same flight as me in 1975.

She's also been to Vietnam,

so I can't wait to get some tips from her, you know?

Bit nerve-racking, actually.

It's like being outside the headmaster's office.

Yeah, I think that's her.

-Hi!

-Hello!

-How are you?

-Not too bad, how are you?

When I first went to Vietnam,

it really was just a journey of self-discovery for me.

Did you feel you came home, or not?

I didn't feel as if I wanted to stay for any particular length of time.

-I didn't feel like it was my home.

-Right, OK.

But they know that you're a tourist.

The way that you dress,

just everything. They just know that you're not one of them.

So rather than fitting in, you actually...

You actually think,

OK, so I'm a foreigner in my own country,

and I don't fit in here, so where do I actually belong?

Because you've been westernised too much?

-Is that what you think it is?

-Yeah.

-I don't feel Lurgan's my home.

And if I go to Vietnam and I feel that that's not my home...

You know, I can't go to space, cos I'm not an astronaut.

Where do I fit in?

But I also think about, you know -

what if my mum or dad is still alive?

You know, what'll I do?

The way I feel is, if they're still alive, then great.

But I...

For me, I've got my own family now.

Yeah.

I'm really, really happy to be able to introduce you to someone

who was responsible for you getting out of...

Or for us getting out of the country.

GUNFIRE

I was, at the time, the Foreign Editor of the Daily Mail.

Everyone was fleeing.

And the children

could not be cared for properly

and there was fear that some would die.

I went to my editor, David English, and I said,

"Wouldn't it be a good idea if I could organise an aeroplane

"to fly to Vietnam and bring the children out?"

All of you were malnourished, some had open operational wounds,

which hadn't been properly sutured.

All of you, in some way, looked as if you were suffering,

-and you

-were

-suffering.

You only have to go into the orphanages

and the smell is terrible,

and they're all just lying around and, um...

fed out of one spoon

and they're just sort of lying on the floor, in muck, really.

Less than 36 hours before we arrived,

an American Galaxy aircraft, which was also trying to get children out,

had crashed on...on takeoff.

We didn't know if it were, um, sabotage.

We took off and... safely got you home.

-NEWSREADER:

-'At Heathrow, a Boeing 707 discharges a precious cargo -

'Vietnamese war orphans who, in their already brief lives,

'have witnessed more tragedy

'than any of us could expect in a lifetime.'

In the immediate aftermath, er,

four were so ill that they died, unfortunately.

'The editor of the Daily Mail,

'the newspaper which sponsored the airlift, said the rescue was solely

'a mission of mercy, but the project has been the centre of criticism.'

When we got the children back, um, there was a lot of criticism,

accusing us of baby snatching

and accusing us of staging a newspaper stunt.

But...

..it was a stunt that worked...

..and resulted in the saving of the lives of 96 children.

We got you out and I'm very proud and happy to have done it.

-Wow.

-And glad to see you.

Thank you.

I'm still kind of overwhelmed about, you know, it just wasn't

straightforward and was... there was just a lot more to it,

and, er, well, I can appreciate that now.

-And it could've been intercepted at any time.

-Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I mean, they could've...

They could've attacked the plane, blew it up...

Yeah, we could've been all dead, but...

But Brian, you saw past that somehow and, you know, said,

"No, I'm not going to be defeated, I'm going to get this plane over,

"and bring it over to England, safe and sound, and you did."

And, you know, I can't thank you enough.

We went to see Brian Freemantle.

-He was the editor of the Daily Mail, who orchestrated it all.

-Oh, aye.

-Brian...

-Do you not think that's a bit like you?

I think that's a bit like you.

You see, you had this mad shock of totally, like, wire...

-What do you think, I...?

-..wire hair.

Cyril, does that, in any shape, sight or form, remind you of Vance?

'I've been lucky and privileged

'and honoured to be in the McElhinney family.'

-Oh, that's him.

-'Love them to bits.

'But in my head,'

I've already lost, you know, a set of parents.

You know, from Vietnam.

'And part of me has put a shield up, because'

I'm going to lose my parents at some stage again.

Vance, I was talking to Cyril, would you eat something?

-Have you had any breakfast?

-No, I'll get some later.

-I've got nowhere near organised.

-I'm sure you're not.

-It's not funny, even.

-No, it's not even funny, no.

-And you got your bags all packed?

-No, that's what I'm saying.

And then, I've got to work for 9½ hours and then, I've only got

a wee window, on Saturday afternoon, to try to get the cat looked after.

-HE SIGHS: Pets. Pets.

-Yeah.

-I should've just...

SHE LAUGHS ..got rid of it

whenever I had the chance.

'I am worried that, because my mum is very sick, that,

'when I'm over there, things might progress.'

I just don't know how quick motor neuron disease develops.

So, yes, that'll be in the back of my mind.

'But the fact that I've got my mum's blessing,

'and that she's encouraging me to go, I don't feel guilt'

or I don't feel betrayal or anything like that there.

If anything, you know, um, Mum's encouraged it.

-All right, Mum.

-Bye-bye, pet.

-All right, Da.

-Aw!

-Bye-bye.

-Aw!

-All right.

-Look us in the eye now, pet.

-OK. LAUGHTER

-Just one wee look for a minute.

-All right.

-Oh, dear!

-All right?

-Aye.

SHE COUGHS

Back to, um...

-Aye, goodbye.

-Bye, bye-bye!

-SHE LAUGHS

-See you later.

-How many times can you say goodbye?

-Bye-bye.

-See you later.

-Bye, sweetheart.

-Bye-bye.

-Take care.

-Yeah.

You can bring in the blue bin when you're going.

'The faraway hills have always been green.

'The faraway hills of a new job, the faraway hills of a new relationship,

'the faraway hills of... maybe of Vietnam.

'and that must be the case when you don't know what your roots are.

'He needs to go there.

'I suspect, at the end of the day, that he will say, you know,

'"Northern Ireland's not such a bad place

'"and that's the place to which I belong," but on the other hand,'

Vance always turns up interesting possibilities.

And, er, who are we to say what might or might not happen

'and we just long for him to be happy and content'

and, er, realise who he is and value himself for what Vance is,

-not what...

-No.

-..anybody else wants him to be.

'If I felt it was where he felt at home,

'and where he wanted to... to live the rest of his life,'

and, if that was making him happy, I would...

He would have my blessing, definitely, definitely.

'This is going to be a huge experience for him,

'and will be life-changing.'

MUSICAL INTRO PLAYS

HE SINGS IN VIETNAMESE

SINGING CONTINUES

This way? Oh, this way?

Yeah, that way?

HE SAYS THANK YOU IN VIETNAMESE

41 years on, you know, I'm just over the moon that I'm actually here.

It's a big thing, just for me to watch people go by

and just think, you know, this is what my life could have been.

I feel really comfortable

and it's great that I'm not sticking out like a sore thumb.

HORNS TOOT

I've got a picture here of me as a baby

and I'm just wondering if you could help me maybe trace any relatives?

I was told that, you know, that's what you do, so...

Where did you live before you, er, you were adopted?

In what region?

From what I understand, it was in Quee Nun and then...

-Quee...?

-Quee Nun.

-DIFFERENT PRONUNCIATION:

-Quy Nhon?

-Yeah, it could be, I don't know.

-Do you have a document?

-No, I don't have any paperwork.

-This is the thing.

-Uh-huh.

-That's the only document there is.

It's there at the bottom, there.

In pen, "Van Tan".

Just by this picture, with the name here

and you think that your Vietnamese name is Tan?

I don't know where this picture came from.

I assume that it came from the orphanage I was in.

You know, I can only assume that, you know,

this was...this is... you know, this is the name.

My birth name.

-Nguyen Van Tan.

-Um...

When you're put in the orphanage, you have...

Maybe you have a real Vietnamese name.

But the sheriff or the orphanage will change your name...

-Yeah.

-..into another name.

-You know, there are lots of cases where babies leave like you.

-Yeah.

-Mm-hm.

-But, er, I think that they are luckier than you,

because they have...

just the precious information about their Vietnamese name...

-Right, I know my Vietnamese name.

-..er, their birth...

-Yeah.

..and some...even some people have their parents' name.

Your case is...is very difficult.

So you're going to put that on your website and then, you're going

to announce that on television? And, if there's any...any response...

-Mm-hm.

-..then you will...

-We'll wait, just wait for a response.

-Can you smile?

-Can I smile? Um, yes, I can.

'I need to kind of process in my head that, if there's no response,

'then that's OK, then I can deal with that.

'Then I can move on and go, "OK, I've tried everything

'to look for my parents, or any relatives, so I can close that door,

'shut, bury it six-foot under,

'and get on with what I'm doing at the moment.'

There are a lot more questions that I have now,

but it's all part of my searching.

This is about me and about my identity.

And I need to know who I am, who I've come from, and what happened.

My understanding is that my mum and dad brought me here

for you to look after me?

I'm very happy to see you.

But if you come here alone, I cannot remember you.

You see, many, many children, that I...I don't remember.

I'm very sorry about it.

What I understand is that...

that the babies that came with their mum and dads

-you would...you would know.

-Yeah.

-I don't remember.

-Because of many babies that came alone.

-Yeah.

So, therefore, you had no contact with my mum and dad? Or else...

Because I came alone, my mum and dad, you don't know?

'The fact that they didn't know me, that kind of hit me for six,

'because, you know, I thought that, if maybe one of them knew me,

'then they would give me a wee bit more detail, but unfortunately,

'they didn't. So yeah, it was crushing, to say the least.'

I just, um... I just want to thank you for looking after me and, um,

I'm privileged to be here.

Last night, you know, I was processing it all

and I was able to put things in little boxes and say,

"OK, I've got that sorted out, I've got that sorted out,"

and then, when it came to my name, Van Tan Nguyen, as I used to say,

or Nguyen Van Tan,

um, I kind stumbled at that

and I just couldn't put that in the back so easily.

For 40-odd years, I've always assumed, or always believed,

that it was my Vietnamese name.

From looking at the evidence now, you know, there's a good percentage

that I was given that name and that's not my real name.

I felt I've lost my identity.

Um, yes, I'm Vietnamese, um, but I'm Vietnamese without a name.

Coming here has opened my eyes a bit,

just to the love that my mum and dad gave me, you know.

I don't give them the love that I should give them as a son.

The fact is, they've been there for me since I was 18 months old.

And I'm 41 years old now and I was a taker, I took everything.

It's time for me to give.

It's time for me to, you know, stop being selfish and say,

"Right, OK, look, be there for your mum and dad.

"They're your parents, and life's precious

"and you don't know what's...

"You don't know what's around the corner."

And I just know that, when I go home, um,

in a few weeks' time that, you know,

that I'll go home to Mum and Dad first and just give them a big hug.

And yeah, tell them I love them.

So yeah, it's going to be good.

-Did you feel a homey feeling?

-Yeah, I did, actually.

-Did you?

-I did, I did.

-Was that the first time you felt that kind of feeling?

-Yeah, it is.

-Yeah?

-Yeah, it was just nice.

-Yeah.

-It was just nice to chill out with my own people and...

-Yeah.

Would you have a serious plan to go back again?

-I'm definitely going back.

-Yeah.

-You know, I'll go back next year.

-There's just a lot of things here I need to sort out.

-Yeah.

-Um...

-No, with you, Mum.

-Oh, yes, with here?

-Yeah.

-Oh, aye, right.

-That's been in the back of my mind.

-Yeah, I know.

You know, and even when I was in Vietnam, you know, it's just...

Well, what's in my mind is your happiness.

-You know that.

-I know that, I know.

'I was glad to be back,

'because, you know, I know my mum's not very well at the moment.

'And I've seen a big...a big change.

'Her walking isn't as good as it was.

'She's beginning to lose her voice a wee bit and, er,

'and now, she's going to be on oxygen.

'It's a...it's a big thing.

'Mum's coping with it very well,

'but, you know, I don't know if I'm coping as well as my mum is.

'I'm very scared of what's going to happen'

to my mum, very, um...

..because, you know, she has been my mum for 41 years.

'If circumstances were different, you know...

'You know, I'd be away tomorrow.'

I would suspect that, while he was there,

his heart was very much in Vietnam.

When he's back now, his heart is here, um, so...

How you can separate the two,

or have one in one place, and part of you in another place...

You know, is this home? Is it not? Could I be at home? Who knows?

Here is where his family are.

This part of his family and his friends are.

You would think that he'll appreciate that, now he's come back.

That would be a brilliant outcome of this trip - to come back and see

how blessed he's been here, in terms of his family

and the community he's been brought up in.

Finding my identity was what I've been missing.

It's what I've been searching for - who is Vance McElhinney?

Or who is Nguyen Van Tan?

And I didn't really know that until I actually went to Vietnam.

I felt good, because people called me Van Tan.

So I decided - well, you know what? -

I'm so at home here that I'll, um, get myself a tattoo!

So, Nguyen Van Tan - I've got that now permanently on my arm.

If I don't hold on to that name, you know, I'm a nameless person.

And because I didn't find my parents, or didn't find

any relatives, you know, I've got to cling to something.

I don't think it's the be all and end all, in terms of his identity,

in terms of where he feels at home most, cos I think he'll be Vance,

whether he's in Vietnam or whether he's here.

There's probably never going to be a fix like that.