The Trouble With Love and Sex Wonderland

CHIRPS

Ah, Sunday morning, and a row.

Um...

SIGHS It's about the usual thorny subject.

Sex.

If you don't have it, you're going to be disappointed. You said that.

-I don't give a toss.

-You said that two seconds ago.

I don't need you telling me what I do and don't feel.

Quote, "I'm disappointed that you are not interested in sex.

"Also, I am concerned that

"you are trying to push it under the carpet and not taking it seriously."

The underlying issue isn't that. It's whether you do anything about it.

What do you want me to do? I'm not a machine.

I can't just turn things on and turn things off.

I can't explain why I'm feeling the way I am. How can I explain?

How can I explain why I'm, quote, "frigid"?

Christ!

OK, I don't know. I don't have an answer.

Maybe I should take some pills, take some drugs.

-Maybe I should get some sex books.

-Maybe. I don't know.

SIGHS

I give up.

If I were to ask each of you to write down the answer

to a simple sounding, but actually a very difficult question,

"What does sex mean to you?",

do you think I would get the same answer?

-I don't know.

-I don't know.

-OK. Have a go at it.

-Have you got loads of paper?

-I haven't got a spare pen, though.

-Spare pens I can do.

MAN: If I had the choice of anyone at all,

on this planet, I'd pick her.

Does that make any sense at all?

I just feel like Roxanne's the one.

I started a job about...20 months ago.

There was this really attractive woman at work

and I noticed her a couple of times looking at me.

There was some ridiculous festival.

They were giving out samosas and she gave me one.

I thought, "Crikey! She is absolutely gorgeous."

I feel all uptight,

butterflies, fidgety,

dry mouth, all that.

I suppose I love her. I dunno. Yeah, I think I do.

I care about her deeply.

I don't want to just jump into bed with her. I love her.

-Does she have any idea how you feel?

-No. I don't think so.

The reason I'm trying counselling

is because I want to understand my feelings.

Because it's just driving me nuts.

I would like a relationship.

A long-term steady relationship.

Um, I need the euphorbia, basically, clearing out a bit.

I can do that sitting down(!)

-Hell!

-What?

I've buggered my back again.

-So that's my fault, was it?

-No, it wasn't your FAULT.

I'm sure it WAS my fault.

Our marriage is not in a good state at the moment.

We've had scenes where there's been a lot of screaming and shouting,

things being thrown, smashed, all very unhappy.

And very black and very dark.

Um... Yes, sort of bad.

-I'm going to have a cigarette break.

-Cigarette break?

I've got a bad back, haven't I?

Here speaks Mr Positive again(!)

We've had 33 years of experience together.

There are enough good things that we could have an exceptionally good relationship,

but we don't have a bloody clue how to do it.

I've been in this situation before, when I was 18.

-Hm.

-It was the first job I ever had.

-There was this really nice-looking girl in the reception area.

-Hm.

As always, she already had a boyfriend.

And, um...it was torturous to be at work.

They got engaged. It was quite traumatic to me.

Some of us wander through life being attracted to people that are unavailable.

-Yeah.

-Is this a sort of pattern you're noticing in yourself?

-That's the connection I'm making.

-In the meantime, how has that affected you and relationships?

Well, I mean, I meet lots of girls.

There's girls I know. I'm very sociable with them.

I chat them up a bit.

But getting to the point of asking them out,

I find a bit difficult, I suppose.

I'm thinking about people's tolerance for rejection.

Some people, when they fear something, it stops them, like the fear of flying.

-Yeah.

-It stops them getting on aeroplanes.

Do you think that your reaction to rejection stops you exposing yourself, asking people?

OK, let me put it another way. Case in point.

Peter Andre, Katie Price.

-Not familiar with that.

-She was a topless model called Jordan.

He was a pop star.

Are you familiar with I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here?

-Yes.

-They were both put in this situation.

He ended up marrying her.

However, they've split up.

-Now, all the love can also...turn into hate.

-Yes.

And I'm worried, if I asked this girl out and I get rejected,

-could I...hate her?

-Hm.

Well, well done for getting here.

That's something I say to all clients, because coming here

really is, for most of them, a momentous event.

And I'm looking forward to working with you.

-Great. Thank you very much.

-OK.

-We'll get up and go downstairs now.

-Right. OK. Thanks.

-I will say goodbye to you here. We're going to stop.

-It's funny.

-I brought it with me...

-We're going to stop counselling talk now.

-Does that make sense to you?

-Yeah.

We do put a strong boundary on these things.

-Thanks, Chris. I hope we get on really well.

-I'm sure we will.

-Have you met people like me?

-Oh, yes.

-So there's hope?

-Good God, yes!

-I'm pleased you said "Good God!"

And the reason there's hope is you're here.

-Can I ask you...?

-Actually, no. I'm going to stop here.

-I want it to be proper counselling. Is that OK?

-Yeah. OK.

When's that?

-That's an ancient one.

-That's one you took ages ago in Margate.

-The house was brilliant. I really liked that house.

-Yeah.

-Did you like it?

-I loved it.

I mean, lots of sort of, like, nice times, really.

Lots of smiling and laughing and joking.

How come you're smiling and then you have an awful row?

We both had a row. Remember? You were there!

I formed the idea that you've been unhappy most of the time.

But I don't see how you can have been miserable with a bloody great garden, pool, nice car.

-You really mean that, don't you?

-To an extent.

-That's what scares me.

Don't you get it?

That doesn't make you happy if you're being foul to me...

-I clearly wasn't being.

-You weren't at the moment the snap was taken.

-I bloody wasn't.

-Five seconds later you could have been.

-You say that.

-Yes, I do say that.

I'm actually really concerned about what you've said.

I can't believe you're making a statement like that.

If we can't work things out and we feel we've given it our best shot,

um, then we need, I suppose, freedom to move on.

And that would probably be divorce.

Tell me a little bit, if you would, Iain,

about employment and how that's affecting you currently.

-OK. To be perfectly honest, I'm not employed at the moment.

-Right.

The reason we've ended up at this point is largely financial, I think.

A year and a half ago, we were heading for no income, no home, nothing.

Susan turned round and tried to, or actually did, initiate an affair

with a chap who happened to be the richest bloke we knew in the area.

There was me, who ended up with nothing,

and Susan immediately appearing to try and jump ship.

-Susan was following the money, is that what you're saying?

-I felt there was an element of that.

-I notice how vigorously you're shaking your head, Susan.

-Absolutely. I feel so angry.

From your perspective, at that point, how was it?

Well, it started about...2002.

We started having increasingly separate bedrooms and so on.

And we got on with our lives, emotionally...poles apart.

That was the trigger that made me think, "I've got to just go."

I thought, "OK. I will have some fun." And I hooked up with this guy.

Which was not particularly serious.

But it was a brief affair.

Iain, is that pretty much your recollection of what happened?

No! I perceived this entirely as, "I want my BMW back. I want my big house back."

That is SO not true.

It was in NO way driven by my need for material possessions.

I'm talking about my interpretation.

The thing is your interpretation is so far removed from my real feelings

and what actually happened,

that if you're going to interpret my behaviour like that then...

we've got a lot of work to do!

I'm really glad you said that.

So much conflict between couples

usually arises from the differences in interpretation.

It's at that point that we start negotiating and working.

You're nodding vigorously, Susan.

I'm not entirely sure how you're hearing this, Iain.

-I think you've put your finger on the button to be honest.

-OK.

DAVE: I've been coming here for about ten years now.

Just completely relax, empty your mind.

One of those rare places, rare pockets in life you can actually find a place of your own.

The "refreshingness"

of diving into the water,

when you bring your head up and go, "Ah!" You know, that feeling.

It's a relief.

Be nice to come here with someone.

When you see couples here, swimming together, having a laugh,

they go and have a drink afterwards,

perhaps a meal, and I go home to my flat on my own, you know?

I try not to dwell on those things, though.

Well, make yourself comfortable.

I'd like to explore the relationship events in your life.

-That's fine.

-OK.

-But I need to explain something.

-Mm.

Um... In 2003, I ended up living again with my father at home.

Which was not a happy experience, living at home.

I was just looking at my life, my past,

and, um... I actually thought about...

-..finishing myself off, actually.

-Suicide?

-Yeah. I planned it.

I had all these tablets.

And I think I went out about six times to do it.

I remember sitting in a park, crying my eyes out.

-And people sitting...moving away, you know?

-Mm.

-Have you still got these tablets?

-Yeah.

-Why do think you're keeping them?

-Um...

Because I'm always subconsciously worrying about dark forces,

or something nasty's going to happen.

If life's going to treat me like this,

I've got this bag and I will take them.

-Does that suggest you're out of control of your life?

-I don't know. Perhaps I am.

-Who was in control when you were on that bench?

-I was. I didn't take the tablets.

-Were the dark forces around?

-No. I use that loosely.

-I know...

-I mean, I'm not schizophrenic or nothing.

But it's kind of a nice term for when things are really awful.

Part of you thinks, "Go take the tablets."

-Another part of you is saying, "No."

-Yeah.

If we were to ask the kindly voice, supportive one,

what would it say now about what to do with the tablets?

Actually, I'm thinking of throwing them away. Possibly, I will.

The less useful voice, how do you think it might react?

-I'm thinking it won't like this.

-He won't like that at all.

He'll be saying, "What you doing? You don't know what's round the corner."

If you threw the tablets away, would that be showing that voice the door?

Saying, "You don't belong round here"?

-Yeah.

-OK, right.

-We'll end at that, and I will look forward to seeing you next week.

-Thank you very much.

Just take a seat.

Thanks.

So, how have things been since we met last week?

Much worse.

-HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

-Yeah.

-It's been really crap.

I love Ian a lot. I love him very deeply.

But sometimes I can't tolerate being in the same room as him.

Ian will say, "You're the centre of my world."

I say, "I feel sorry for the poor bastards on the edge of it!

"If this is what the centre feels like, I wonder what it's like on the edge of your world."

-Your children, how would they describe your relationship? How old are they?

-Nine, five and three.

My eldest says it's outrageous that we've come out without her.

-Do you not leave them very often?

-No. We don't go out very often.

-No.

It is important that you have family time.

But it's even more important that you have some quality "couple" time.

-Does that make sense?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

As a five, I just feel that we're a really strong unit.

You know.

We all enjoy being together. A lot.

It's just when it gets down to me and Ian,

that's where it's not so good.

When did the difficult issues start coming along, would you say?

-We waited so long for children, we never thought it would happen.

-Yeah.

It was a long while we were trying for children. Six, seven years.

People would come to our house, like my sister-in-law,

and say she was pregnant.

We'd have a celebration. She'd go and I'd cry.

Ian would look at me bewildered.

-We never really spoke about it all, I don't think.

-No.

Would you say that was the first experience you had

of Ian not understanding, you hadn't been able to talk about i?

-Yeah.

-This little bit of a wall going up.

The first major thing, yeah.

What I'm hearing is that communication's the main issue.

-Is that what you'd agree with?

-Yes.

That's what a lot of our problems stem from, yeah.

I'm wondering whether you might like to have a bit of homework this week.

Um...yeah.

-Yeah. I think so. Yeah.

-OK.

It's about just talking, uninterrupted, for about five minutes each.

Listen to what each other's saying.

Yeah. Yeah.

-OK.

-All right?

-OK.

Thank you.

-Thanks.

-No, that's a pleasure.

Take care and I'll see you next Monday.

Always think about her all the time, really. You know.

She's just everything I'd ever look for in a woman.

If we went for a walk along the river, I'd wrap up a box of champagne glasses.

Along the river, I'd have a bottle on a bit of string keeping it chilled.

I'd ask a fisherman to look after it.

Give him ten quid.

"I'm going to be along between 7.30 and eight o'clock."

I'd get her to open the box and say, "Shame we haven't got any champagne!"

The guy says, "I've got this bottle. It's got your name on it."

Do it like that. I think that would be great. Those sort of things.

Flowers are nice, you know.

Firstly, if I could check in with how you are.

-Yeah.

-I'm thinking about those tablets.

-Do you want to do something about this?

-Yeah.

-What would you like to do?

Let's get rid of the tablets. We'll throw the bag away.

-When do you want to do it?

-I'll probably do it this Sunday.

Then can I check in next week?

-Just to see your success and how you managed to achieve that?

-Yeah. OK.

-Will that be OK? OK.

Going back a bit further, I'm interested in your family.

Your dad and your mum. How did you get on?

My father didn't show me any affection when I was a kid.

He never grabbed hold of me or picked me up.

It was violence. Get a punch or a slap or a pot thrown at you.

You're going to be bruised afterwards?

Oh, it was intentional to hurt you, absolutely.

Yeah.

And also, he tried killing me once.

Go on.

I was upstairs in my bedroom and he came up and had a go at me.

He put a pillow over my face and he held it there.

And I thought I was...a gonner.

He removed the pillow after some time.

He sat on the bed and opened his arms up to say, "Come to me."

And I ran downstairs.

Amongst your peers, people at school and so on, did you swap stories

about what life was like at home, or...?

-No.

-Hm.

-Er... But we had the perfect neighbours.

They were such an idyllic family.

The father of the family was very relaxed

and looked like Kirk Douglas.

Two good-looking sons who got everything they wanted.

Sometimes, I'd stay with this family for New Year's Eve.

I wanted to stay there permanently, to be adopted by them.

I went back home and asked Mum, "What did you do New Year's Eve?"

"Oh, watched the TV. Had a cry."

-All that sort of thing...

-Why would she have a cry?

-She'd probably look at the year that had gone past and nothing had happened.

-Sadness?

-Yeah.

Mum always wanted better things in life than Dad can perhaps provide.

So what do you think you learned as a kid

about how adults have relationships?

I don't know. Er... Stress.

-Stress?

-Anger.

-What else?

-Upset.

-Upset?

-Yeah.

-How do you think you've used that in your life?

I've probably thought, perhaps subconsciously, "You're better off being single."

Hm.

THUNDER ROLLS

-So, shall we make a start on looking at material that you've brought?

-OK.

-What did you get?

-Well, I began in '74, when we met.

So did I.

So that sounds...pretty reasonable, doesn't it?

-What happened?

-I remember you just walking into the room.

I remember being struck by you and your personality.

I told my friends that I fancied you.

Then, on the school trip,

my friends literally pushed me into the seat next to you.

LAUGHS Had that not happened, we never would have got it off the ground!

I suppose I might have plucked up courage and asked Susan to...

-LAUGHS:

-..go on the infamous shopping trip! We don't need to go into it.

He said, "Would you like to come to Leicester to buy football boots?"

I think that's fairly good!

That's a killer line, isn't it?

Part of me has always wanted to, in a sense,

absolutely adore him and love him

and be head-over-heels, which I was at the start.

But there again, maybe, I do

and don't realise it.

I don't know.

It was about September, autumn time, that you first met my parents.

Yeah.

There was a sort of evident, sort of...

-DOOR BELL

-They weren't actually hostile.

It was quite clear that I wasn't what they expected or wanted.

VOICE BREAKING I remember it very vividly.

I remember thinking, "I think they might not like him that much."

But I wasn't quite expecting the reaction I got.

Which was, "How could you do this to us?

"What have you brought home?"

"We are in complete shock, Susan!

"We cannot believe that you'd do anything like this to us! My God!"

It was horrendous.

On one occasion, they tried to convince me that he was albino.

Because he had pale skin and he had pale eyes.

"I think he might be albino, Susan."

It was literally... It was a complete loathing.

You're a nice man!

You just didn't have the right accent, you didn't look right...!

Pah! Unbelievable!

That did cause me to be anxious a lot of the time.

There was this kind of risk and threat behind the scenes.

Her parents might eventually convince her that the chap

down the road from the better background would be more suitable.

-OK?

-Yeah.

-Are you all right?

-I think so.

-THINK so?

-I'm actually quite upset.

-What's the matter?

-Eh?

-I just feel upset.

I don't know why. I just do.

When Susan's upset, I'm never too sure whether it's because of me.

Or whether it's something else.

I just think a bit of a barrier comes up between us.

Thank you.

I'll be fine.

All right. OK?

-Yeah.

-Oh! Bloody hell!

I've always thought of myself as not being terribly good at dealing with women's tears.

It's something that confuses me.

I don't know. I just feel that I'd like to be better at it.

-Are you all right?

-Yeah. I'm just tired, maybe.

-I think the sessions stir things up, don't they?

-They do.

-OK.

-All right.

-Yeah.

Yeah. OK. All right.

SNIFFS

We won't be long.

Be good.

CAR UNLOCKS

Ian's got a tumour

in his pituitary gland, that he has to take medication for.

But he doesn't.

If it grows, it messes up all his hormones.

After you.

How do you feel about the sessions?

Nervous.

-Why nervous?

-I don't think you get how big a deal it is for me.

The only sign that there was anything awry

was the fact that we couldn't make love.

Sometimes he couldn't get an erection. Sometimes he could.

It was all very erratic.

During that time, I always thought that it was my fault.

Ian wasn't attracted to me.

It's almost like it's become so hard to talk about that we can't talk about it.

I'm sorry. I don't know what you want me to say.

-I think you sometimes get aggressive.

-Yeah.

I'm sometimes very angry about it.

-DING DING

-Thank you.

-You're welcome

Thanks. You're welcome.

I feel like it's put our marriage on the line.

The medication solved the impotence fairly quickly.

Within the first year, he appeared to be not taking it.

Currently, Ian's in the longest period of not taking his medication.

So in the back of my head, the problem will come back.

I've tried talking about it. I've shouted about it. I've cried about it.

Um, and...that's why I don't feel very loved.

Because I don't feel heard. And that's my issue.

So what is it that you feel she needs to hear from your perspective

about the taking or not taking of the medication?

I don't deliberately not take them.

I kind of...

I feel all right so I don't necessarily think about the tablets.

Then I forget to get them and it just goes on from there.

I don't understand, if you love somebody,

when they say, "When you do this it really hurts" you carry on doing it.

-And you say you said that?

-I haven't said it for a long while.

-How long's a long while?

-About 18 months ago.

I couldn't articulate it it had been so long. I couldn't get it straight in my head.

-Do you feel like you've said everything tonight?

-Yeah.

-Is that true or are you just nodding?

-Yeah.

That's nice to hear, isn't it?

Yeah, it just feels incredibly tough.

Now I understood how bad Mandy feels.

Right.

But I'm not quite sure how to rectify it.

That sounds quite a lot of talking for a couple who...don't talk.

Yeah. Yeah.

You've allowed it to get out of control.

And it's about you, you know, taking back the reins again.

Like you just said, "I haven't talked about it for 18 months."

That's to protect yourself,

the family, to protect the relationship.

But the trouble is, it's been almost...strangling it.

-Yeah?

-Hm.

There's no point avoiding it. You're here because you have avoided it.

All right?

-Thank you.

-Yeah.

-THEY CHUCKLE

-So keep up just listening and hearing.

-Thank you.

-OK. Good.

-Have a nice week.

-See you next week.

Take care. Bye bye.

Can I check in? How are the tablets?

Um...

-I...threw the bag away.

-Mm-hm.

The boxes away. But the tablets I kept.

That...that bad voice was saying,

"You really don't know what's around the corner."

-"Just keep them."

-Yeah.

-"Hide them, but keep them."

-From who?

-Er...from myself, perhaps.

-Have you still got enough to kill yourself?

-Oh, yeah.

-How many times, do you think?

-Um... Twice.

-Mm-hm.

-So it should do the job properly.

-Yeah.

It makes me think that this other voice is quite powerful.

-Yeah. Well, it almost killed me.

-Yeah.

-Do you think your father might have a voice like this?

-Yes, I do.

I'm just thinking, someone trying to suffocate their son.

-Yeah.

-Actually, the idea of trying to kill you.

Actually, when he tries not to kill you, he didn't.

I'm thinking about your experience on that park bench.

-Yeah.

-Two ways you could go.

Two directions, two sets of thoughts.

-Then stopping, obviously, in time.

-Yeah.

That now makes me think of how useful it would be to feel you don't have to blame your father as much.

Oh, crikey! I don't know.

Er...

Well, if we think about this other positive voice.

I sometimes talk about the negatives ones as the uninvited guest

-who you just can't show the door.

-Y-yeah. Yeah.

While you're trying to deal with them, the other guest,

quietly sitting in the corner, gets forgotten.

And yet, is very present.

I'm wondering whether this week, would it be possible for you

to get to know more of this other side of you?

-The dark side?

-The light side.

-The light side. Yeah.

-Actually, it's the one we probably should be paying more attention to.

-It needs watering.

-That's an interesting way.

-It needs watering. It's stuck there waiting to sprout.

-Quite loyal.

It's there, waiting for the sunlight to put its rays on that bulb for it to sprout, for it to grow.

DOG BARKS

CLOCK TICKS

We've been spending quite a lot of time together, recently.

We're more tolerant.

More considerate of each other's...feelings.

It feels comfortable. It feels pleasant. And nice.

We are both trying, a bit more consciously,

to explore what's going on rather than just have a row.

So what we do now is try and rationalise a little bit more

-what's going on and what the real issues are.

-Yeah.

And...I was lonely.

I don't like confessing this, but I fell in love with two other people.

One was shortly after we were married.

And the next was about a year or two after we were married.

It's bizarre. I approached this guy shortly after we were married.

He basically said, "I'm sorry but no can do."

-I was absolutely devastated and I called you up and told you.

-Yeah.

What is all that about? Attention seeking?

A cry for you to pay me attention? I don't know.

We were married, but we weren't close. At all.

We were. I mean, I think we were.

We were joined at the hip, doing stuff together, but never intimate

and close in an emotional sense.

If you boil it all down, that's probably what it comes down to.

Susan wanted more emotion in the relationship, right from the start.

And didn't get it. I should have done more about it.

But it's only really recently that I've twigged that that's important.

-OK. Thank you very much again.

-Thanks.

OK, well...how have things gone this week for you?

-It's been a good week.

-A good week?

-Yeah.

I think we knew we'd kind of drifted apart.

One of the things I've learned is how far we'd drifted.

Yeah, and valuing time more. We just weren't doing it.

Yeah.

-None of this has been rocket science. It's basic stuff.

-Yeah.

But as you say,

it can have huge benefits, you know.

We were talking last night about my medication.

Mandy said, "I don't think I'll ever understand what you did,

-"but I can move on from it now."

-Wow.

-Yeah.

I think I came in thinking I have to understand why he's done it.

I guess, in the week, I thought maybe I never will understand.

I get a sense that he's beginning to understand the emotional fall-out

and that feels enough to move it forward.

Brilliant.

The thing that's changed for us is being able to talk to each other.

We just chat now whenever we get the opportunity.

We're talking all the time.

We've having champagne cocktails.

We used to do that before the children came along.

I'm almost embarrassed about by how much I'm looking forward to spending time with Ian.

It feels like a long time since I felt like this.

We are both so excited.

I was going to do champagne cocktails. You beat me to it.

Yeah!

SHE LAUGHS

The night just went even better than we had hoped for.

Had our bath together. Got drunk together.

It was like going on the first date after 18 years.

She said, "What you doing?" I said, "Having a date night"

"Is that what the counsellor told you to do?"

"No. We figured that bit out all for ourselves."

-Is this going to become a regular Friday night?

-Oh, lovely.

-Love you.

-I love you.

A bit more so than I'd realised.

Hiya. Can I have a bacon sandwich and a very strong coffee, please?

Great. Thank you.

-It's nice coffee.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

Yesterday was a difficult day.

Because I knew Roxanne would be working most of the morning.

Obviously, my emotions are racing, my heart's racing.

She sat down and she was talking about...marriage.

She said, "I want to get married in a church."

And I thought, "I want to get married to YOU in a church."

So, work finished.

I felt quite down when I got in.

I bought a couple of bottles of wine and I was going to get drunk.

I had all my music I was going to play.

I'd poured myself a glass of wine

and was all set for a session of drinking.

But I didn't want to go down that road again so...

Well, I sat on my bed and I was talking to myself,

that I need to be realistic.

I've got no idea what she's like out of work, so it's time to move on.

Move on. You can do better than that.

So I poured the wine away

and put a video on and watched that.

I WILL get over it.

I will get over it.

And I don't think I'm such a bad person.

Although I'm frustrated with the situation I'm in, being single,

I don't feel it's my fault.

If that makes any sense.

It strikes me that pouring that wine reminds me of when you were sitting on that park bench

-with all those tablets.

-Yeah.

It must have taken a lot of, I don't know, courage to...?

-Yes, it was.

-..pour the wine away.

-I've never gone that far before.

I'm wondering whether you're someone that's quite good on your own.

And when you seek back-up from other people, whether maybe it changes things.

Maybe it's something you'd like to do in the future, but at the moment

-I'm wondering if you're resourceful when it's just you...

-Yeah.

I feel stronger when I'm on my own. Yeah.

Thinking about this woman at work.

-If she hadn't been there, you would not have discovered that you could say no to those bottles.

-Yeah.

-Maybe in some funny way she's helped.

-Yeah. Possibly, yeah.

Maybe you even need to have a rerun.

Go to work. Get as depressed as possible.

Buy some bottles of wine. Go back home. Get the CDs out.

-Then ask yourself, "Can I do this still?"

-Yeah.

I've been very struck by your talking, through our sessions,

of these voices.

This darker influence,

which has seen you go into some pretty hellish places.

Then there's this lighter influence.

It's shown you that you've got courage, wisdom.

That you can pour glasses of wine down the drain, or whatever.

Yeah.

And I've got a letter, as if written by you,

to the darker influence.

And it's about renegotiating your relationship with it.

"Dear darker influence.

"Re: Thank you for services supplied and a respectful ending now of our relationship.

"Since I was born, you have protected me from adult couple relationships

"by ensuring I never became committed before I was ready.

"During our time together,

"you showed me how much I appreciate my life.

"You did this by pushing me to even consider suicide.

"That you engaged in this high-risk strategy with someone you loved

"was testament to how much you believed I did value my life

"and, when ready, would make the changes I dreamed of.

"Now, with your help,

"I feel ready to engage in a meaningful couple relationship.

"Hence, this letter is to tell you I now no longer need your services.

"With much love, affection and thanks, goodbye."

There's a place for a signature and a date, and your name.

That's brilliant.

That's great. That's really good.

The fact is that I'm reading it in black and white.

So it makes it all the more real.

You've got no idea how...

..that could, er...

Oh! Straight up. That's great.

When do you think you'll be ready to sign it?

-Got a pen?

-Go for it.

LAUGHS That's brilliant.

That's fantastic. Thank you ever so much.

You did this.

SNIFFS

CLOCK TICKS

-I'm going right, aren't I?

-Left.

-Left? Are you sure?

-Think so. Yeah.

We're so used to these ups and downs.

Ultimately, I think they'll be together for ever.

I agree, but it's not going to be happily ever after.

The pub I'm thinking of is in a field.

Perhaps you can sort of direct me in the appropriate...

I think they are much more affectionate towards each other.

They have the odd hug or they'll hold hands or...

-A bit too much, really.

-..touch!

-Now where do I go?

-I don't bloody know.

It's nowhere near. We're bloody miles away.

-I'm not going to drive around...

-No, no!

We all want them to just be happy.

Separate or together.

In my view, I don't think they could possibly be happy

without each other in some form or in some manner, you know.

-We'll just have to go here.

-It's got a garden.

-It is foul, isn't it?

-Jesus Christ!

-Where's the garden, then?

Round the back.

-Look, garden.

-Yeah, great(!)

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