Get Back on the Horse and Ride The Call Centre

Are you aware it's free if you have your loft and your cavity walls insulated?

Over a million people now work in UK call centres

with an average age of just 26.

'I'm not interested.'

'I think it's all a scam to be honest with you.'

They are the factories of our time.

But here, at the third largest call centre in Swansea,

the only things being made are the cold calls we dread.

'No, no, no.'

'Stop bloody bothering me.'

'I really don't want these calls

'and definitely not at seven o'clock in the evening.

Holding the reins is CEO Nev Wilshire.

With over half of his sales agents under 25, Nev has developed

a unique approach to keeping his young workforce on their toes.

Sums up my management style.

GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!

There's a yawn at the back. Get down!

Probably Napoleon. Dictator.

Tell her she's sacked, then.

But his troops loved him.

He's awful, absolutely awful.

And with a sales floor simmering with stress...

'Piss off!'

No, this ain't funny now cos you could have broke it.

I'm going to kill someone.

-..sex...

-Rarr!

..and success...

Almost getting a little excited in my pants right now.

Ooh, ooh!

..there's never a dull day when you work at this Swansea call centre.

There's winners and there's losers and that's it.

CHEERING

'To be in charge of 700 people sometimes is daunting

'but I love it,'

absolutely love it.

Welcome to Nev's world.

This programme contains some strong language

Just outside Swansea,

one of the call centre's top managers is about to wake up.

31-year-old Johnny Allen lives at home with his mum, dad, dog

and little sister Gemma.

Gem, get up!

As well as being her big brother, he's also her manager.

-Gemma?

-Yes, mun!

Oh!

Do you have to bang on my wall all the time?

You don't get up otherwise, do you?

HE KNOCKS ON WALL

Oh, coming, mun!

Johnny tries to keep Gemma in line, both at work and at home.

Oh, come on then.

-Hello.

-Gem.

-What?

Stop your chit-chatting now and get yourself ready for work.

All right, John!

He doesn't manage me till we get to work.

-He thinks he is.

-He thinks he is, he likes to think he is.

SHE LAUGHS

Control freak.

HE CHUCKLES

She just needs to be put into order basically, she's...useless.

He's a good brother but he's an arsehole in general.

SHE CACKLES

Right, see you later.

-Ta-ra.

-Ta-ra, boy.

Recently Gemma's sales results have been disappointing.

It's Johnny's job to inspire his sister to new heights.

Once they get to work, anyway.

All right, Nev. Have you got a minute, or five, by any chance?

You've got four minutes and 32 seconds.

Like everyone at the call centre, in times of strife,

Johnny turns to Nev for advice and guidance.

-Everything all right?

-Yeah, yeah, not too bad,

it's going really well, but um...

I've heard your sister's doing most of the sales, though.

She has been, probably one of the top sellers on the team.

I've been told she's better than you.

-Ah, she'll never be as good as me.

-OK.

No, no, but recently, kind of slipped a little bit.

I just noticed the last week or two it hasn't been...

Where it should be?

-Where it should be, you know, and...

-OK.

I've thought of different ideas, but nothing seems to be making sense

to myself and I'm wondering, come and speak to the expert himself.

To be honest, say the Monday and the Tuesday's mediocre,

Wednesday's picking up again and then she's really chasing

and searching and super, super trying, so you know,

I thought about like, lazy element maybe, cos it's Monday but then...

Give 'em double points on a Monday for an early finish.

-Yeah, that's a good one.

-Aha.

Double points - changing up a little bit.

-What do points make?

-Prizes.

Correct. OK.

-Happy days.

-Excellent. You're doing a good job.

-Thank you.

-You are doing a good job.

-I'm pleased.

-Thank you.

You're still a wanker, bugger off.

-Cheers.

-Ta-ra, Johnny.

-Ta-ra.

The call centre recently had to lay people off

after their biggest contract ended.

The mood on the sales floor is unusually subdued.

When I first joined here it was like walking into a party really.

You know, I couldn't hear myself when I first walked in.

There was people screaming and shouting

and now it just seems really quiet.

It feels like the company's lost its mojo at the moment.

-What's happening?

-All right?

-You OK?

-Yeah, I'm a bit emotional.

-Why?

-A bit emotional over Dave being sacked.

Ah, I know.

It's just bad.

As CEO, it's Nev's job to find the missing mojo

and he wants his managers to lead the search party.

We've got too fat and lazy. It's about productivity.

Be more diligent, raise the bar, get back to where we were,

what we can do, what we can attain, help the people alongside you,

keep batting, keep doing the right things

and we'll get to where we want to get to, OK? Which is

making money and enjoying what we do and expanding, right?

-Yeah.

-Any questions?

When I said expanding, don't point the camera at my waist...

you bastard!

Nev has taken his failure to find a replacement contract

for the call centre personally.

But in tough times, he seeks solace in the wise words of his hero.

John Wayne's answer to failure was, "If you haven't

"fallen off your horse, you haven't been riding long enough."

Everybody's going to fail now and again.

Everybody's going to make a cock-up, but you've got to deal with it.

Get back on the horse and ride.

One of the first back on the horse is Hayley.

She's heard rumours that a tea-lady at a rival call centre

has been offering extras on the side

and plans to follow suit in a bid to boost morale.

Everyone on the sales floor have been saying for ages about making

cakes on the trolley but now I know the tea lady in Cardiff is

selling cakes I definitely want to do it cos, you know, I'm not

having her having better stuff on her trolley than what I have.

-I'm thinking about making cakes.

-You're number one tea girl.

I've got to up my game now so she's making cakes,

I'm going to make cakes.

-Are they?

-I have had one.

-Have you tried my cakes?

I know how to do, like, cakes out of a box, like, mixes.

No, she makes fresh cakes.

Well, I'll just have people to make them.

I'll have people to make them,

I'll give them money and I'll sell them on my trolley.

-We are going to make them.

-Three of us.

-Yeah.

We'll make a cake at the weekend.

I'll ask Nev, ain't it?

Come on girls, we'll have to do this properly now.

Like, no half a job Bob.

I have zero baking skills.

I've made cakes with my friends before but they've done them,

you know? I haven't got a clue. I haven't got a clue.

I know you put it in the oven and wait for it to rise but

I don't know. I don't know what to do.

But that will be part of the fun, won't it? You know?

We've just got to make sure that we don't poison Nev!

If there's one manager Nev can rely on to help find the missing

mojo, it's 31-year-old Twe.

All right, George, do the George shuffle!

On the phone right now to a customer. Go on, do it!

Come on, George. Ah, there you go.

Jesus, if that's not motivating, I don't know what is(!)

After three years at the call centre,

Twe's style of management is infamous.

Hands up how many of you would love to smash this cream pie

in my face, seriously.

'I'm quite loud, I'm quite brash.'

I've got a terrible knack of just

taking the mick out of anyone to try and make them laugh.

Sometimes it works, sometimes it don't.

But, yeah, I try and get results

through comedy rather than shouting.

-NEV:

-He is a natural, practical joker, yeah.

He's probably sorry that he

didn't invent the whoopee cushion, you know, it's about his level.

Come on then, guys! This is where we put the effort in,

this is where the deals roll in.

'There's nothing Twe won't do to raise a laugh and lift sales.

'Today, he's preparing to reveal a secret from his past

'he hoped would never come out.'

Ten years ago, I thought it would be a really good idea to

put a pair of my mate's wife's sister's knickers on.

Unfortunately, got snapped in 'em as well.

Any agent hitting four sales will get to see the picture.

All right, you guys up for seeing

this little naughty picture we've got of him?

-Yeah.

-Yeah?

Some are more motivated by the prospect than others.

Nah, I don't want to see Twe naked, like.

He's not too pretty with clothes on.

Twe, in a red thong, I want to see it.

Massive incentive for me to get four deals. I'll smash five in now.

No, I'm not bothered.

I don't look at Twe that any more, I look at him like a brother.

Any more?

What do you mean?!

Explain that.

Twe, what's this latest money-making scheme we've got going on here.

IT was servicing someone's computer over there and they've seen

the e-mail that was sent three years ago of a picture that was taken

ten years ago from one of the mate's Facebooks of me with her.

If that ain't funny enough,

I'm in woman's knickers.

Right, and you reckon that's going to make money?

Well, no, what I've said is anyone that does four sales...

Cos IT have got hold of it and everything now, before it hits

the sales floor and everyone else, I've tried increasing sales from it.

So, anyone that does four sales this afternoon, will see this picture.

OK, so...

wearing women's knickers?

Twe, anything you need to tell me?

-Ah...

-Anything you need to confess?

Nothing from Monday to Friday. The weekend's my business.

He's lost the plot.

Beale. As in Ian Beale.

On his floor, Johnny's sister, Gemma,

is struggling to stay focused.

Filing my nails.

SHE LAUGHS

I'm working still, just, you know, multi-tasking, see?

That's what us women are good at, you see.

Unfortunately my sister hasn't been

really performing that well this week.

This is one coat.

I'm doing a French manicure, I am. A French manicure.

She was on two sales for the week and that's, you know...

She gets that in a day, do you know what I mean?

More. Three, four sometimes.

Everybody has a bad day, you know? Everybody has a bad day.

But she's had three.

I had one guy - not here, that was in another place I worked for -

one guy said to me, he said...

Cos I was selling mobile phones, and he said,

"You're not allowed to..."

What did he say? He said,

"I'm not allowed to have a mobile phone with a camera on,"

and I was like, "Why?"

I put two and two together after the call then.

You know what I mean, don't you?

He's paedophile, I reckon.

Gem, you off the phone?

Do you want to grab your chair and come here, love?

Johnny's had enough of Gemma's bad results

and calls her across for a quiet word.

-Hiya!

-Hello.

Right, first of all,

I believe it's all about the build-up to the

finishing touch, yeah?

Like in a game of football.

You've got to have good passing, good movement to create

the opportunity to score a goal,

and it's the same in sales.

But that's where you've got to be involving the customer.

Listen for one minute.

You've gotta... I'm not saying you're sounding

like a robot, cos you do sound enthusiastic on the phone, but just

add some words to each question to get them involved.

So, "Do you what YOUR property, Mrs Jones...?"

YOUR house, YOUR property.

-Am I keeping you awake?

-What?

-Concentrate now.

-I am concentrating.

-I'm just making sure, cos you're yawning.

-Yeah.

Right, right. Have you got any questions,

anything that you're unsure of?

-Happy with everything, yeah?

-Yeah.

Get on it like Sonic.

Now.

You've been off the phone long enough.

'He's been my manager before in another call centre,

'it didn't work at all.

'We hated each other. I hated him. It's not so bad now.'

I think it's maybe cos he's grown up a little bit.

Well, a little bit.

He give me a dead leg before, right?

He hit me in the leg and I had a dead leg for three days. Yeah.

Back on Twe's floor, and the prospect of seeing their manager

in a pair of red pants has stirred the sales agents into action.

Twe naked is motivating a lot of people across the sales floor

so it should be all right.

Right, come on then, guys, we need to start picking it up now

and get a few more deals up on the board!

Well done for that one.

I can see a couple of people doing it, hopefully not too many.

So we got one on our team, one on Dan's team as well,

that's one deal away.

-One more deal?

-Only one more deal.

Kirsty gets to see the picture.

One more to see the picture, apparently.

Sales agent Kirsty is the first to hit the target.

She has great expectations.

Basically, he's supposed to have a big willy, from what I've heard.

-WOMAN: Too?

-Too well endowed.

-OK, how are we? Are you all right?

-Yeah.

All right, Dan, I think you need a witness with me while I...

-DAN:

-Yeah.

-Come this side of the pillar

so I can...so no-one else can see.

THEY LAUGH

-KIRSTY:

-Oh, my God.

How old are you?

How old was I, there?

I was about 18, 19.

That was well worth four deals.

Was that well worth four deals? Worth working hard?

And do you know what? We're going to pay you commission on top

-for every one of those deals, as well.

-Ah, thank you.

Yeah. Well, that's a standard deal. So, well done, good work.

Hayley is at her friend's house with mates Jenny and Amanda,

losing her cake-baking cherry.

Watch this bad boy now. Whey.

You put eggs in cake but, yet again, you have eggs with

a mixed grill and stuff.

They're so versatile, ain't they, eggs?

I love eggs.

My friend was learning me how to whisk the other day.

She said you got to leave air get into it

and then it's better.

You've got to put some elbow grease into it, yeah?

Hayley plans to take the cakes into the call centre

in a bid to boost morale.

Do you mind if I lick it?

-Do it.

-Just don't put it back in.

Assuming Health and Safety don't object first.

Ah, fucking hell, everyone's going to be food poisoned.

If Nev gives her permission to sell them

on her tea round, it will be the icing on the cake.

That's what they're meant to look like, we'll see

if they look like that later.

Right, cup of tea?

Oh, yes, if you're making, I will.

-Come on now, girls...

-Come on, tea girl.

-As if, as if.

Hayley is about to reveal her cakes to an unsuspecting call centre.

On the sales floor, she's hoping to do some selling of her own.

I don't even know if I was allowed to do, I was so...

We had our first customer!

-Are they safe to eat?

-Let me know.

Before continuing, Hayley will need Nev's blessing.

Hello there, Nev!

Hayley, how are you?

Well, I got a little present for you.

Thought you were off today. Looked for you this morning,

needed a cup of tea and where were you?

-Now...

-Are you going to tell me you made these?

Yes, I did, with help from Jenny and Amanda.

I was going to say....

Still, they're amazing, ain't they?

For our first time, look at them.

They look nothing like the box of the cake mix, right?

You could get money for this lot?

Well, straight up, went in there just now,

Phil straightaway, a pound.

I didn't ask for money.

-A pound?

-He went, "Let me have a big one for a pound."

Bam. "Wey-hey, you're my first customer!"

-Wouldn't do it all the time.

-Take a breath.

-Yeah.

Thanks. I don't know if you're going to be allowed to.

I know, that's what I was thinking.

But, you know, you've got a way of, errr...

Once a month thing.

It's not a way of "o-errr."

We have to write to Trading Standards

and do things properly.

These ain't just normal cupcakes, look, Nev, right?

These are good shit, like. Look at them.

We were so impressed, me, Amanda and Jenny.

-This is top quality shit?

-Yeah.

Mmm.

Honestly...

Shut up! Shut up!

They're pretty, though? They are nice.

They're pretty. You've done a fantastic job, girl.

We've all done it cos I thought it was part

of the work thing of call centre, We Claim U Gain...

I'd like to take another bite, if you just bugger off.

OK. He's enjoying it, that's a good sign.

He's clearly enjoying it.

She doesn't shut up. She's motor-mouth.

-She's got verbal diarrhoea.

-I know.

Keen to avoid diarrhoea of an altogether more disgusting kind,

Nev has resorted to the law to put a stop to Hayley's cake selling plans.

So it took three of them to make this.

OK.

Totally good reasons.

We're not allowed.

-I'm having half of that. WOMAN:

-There's a hair on it.

I know, I don't even want to eat it.

-WOMAN:

-There's a hair on it.

-That's Jenny's hair.

-HAYLEY:

-Shut up.

I'm not fussy.

SIREN BLARES

On me.

He'll never sell any ice cream going that fast.

When it comes to drumming up new business,

Nev is the first to roll up his sleeves and get stuck in.

I wouldn't mind owning that shop.

He's come to London to promote the call centre

and give a speech to some big hitters in the energy industry.

-SAT NAV:

-'You have reached....'

-I've reached the destination.

Oops, excuse me.

HORN HONKS

HE LAUGHS

The business is out there and sitting on your arse

and waiting for it to come to you doesn't work, you know?

As John Wayne would have done, he'd have gone on his horse

and he'd have gone and found the next new frontier.

It's hardly the Wild West,

but Nev is still far from home.

Oh, sorry.

Sorry. She's bullying me.

I don't know many of them, but apparently I'm talking to them.

I'm a little bit nervous, yeah, but...

I'm OK.

While Nev prepares to face the big hitters,

back at the call centre, big hitting of a different kind is on the cards.

Team leader Dickie is gearing up for a fight with an assistant

team leader from the rival shift.

We should be expecting a monstrous shift today.

We've got loads of karma in as well, guys.

So we should be absolutely smashing and pushing

for a 500 as a shift today

but an eight per head as a team.

He has done a little bit of boxing in the past

but I don't know how much.

So like, I don't know.

I'm not all that nervous at the moment

but, on the day, I ain't going

to let on, then I will be.

Dickie's girlfriend Naomi is in charge of his fight diet.

-No more chocolate.

-No.

No more sugar in your tea.

-No more bread.

-Yeah, I know.

Basically, I just got to eat tuna, chicken, stuff like that.

I don't want to lose

and I certainly don't want to lose bad in front of them.

I don't know if you know the team leader,

Dickie, on the opposite shift?

He's going to be taking on our very own Paul "the Irish Man" Williams.

Recently promoted to assistant team leader, 20-year-old Paul

thinks he can punch above his weight and put on a show for his shift.

Let's hope we can both keep our heads on to

batter each other on the night.

But I'm sure we'll be shaking hands

after, win or lose for either of us.

For his shift manager, Dwayne, the fight is a chance to create

a buzz on the floor and hopefully encourage a few more sales.

Dickie's been giving it all this talk and handbag chats and whatnot

on how he's going to knock him out, yeah? There's no chance.

Everybody's, "Dickie's going to batter you."

"Paul, you going to batter Dickie?"

Everybody's stirring between us.

He is technically my assistant. but I'd like to see his head kicked in.

Is that OK, am I allowed to say that?

-What did she just say?

-Nothing!

I'm just giving you support and saying who I think's going to win.

(Dickie.)

In London, Nev's nearly a knockout.

CERT and CESP has ended

and to those people that are in contracting

or do what I do, you know that the shutters

came down all of a sudden and now we're limping through.

But the crowd is as tough as the times.

I mean, there's a few companies that I know that have gone bust

but it's certainly a "tighten your belt" time, while we get to grips

with a new grant that still isn't finalised and still isn't

where we want it to be.

OK? We're trying to look after a customer and

I think, as an industry, we need to remember that the customer is king.

Thank you.

APPLAUSE

I thought it went quite well.

Could have been better. There was a couple of things that

I thought, "I should have said that, I should have said this,"

but you never get perfection, you just strive for it.

I was quite staid.

I was reasonably professional.

Love is in the air at the call centre

and one box is getting all the action.

-There we go. Nice letters for you.

-In they go.

It won't go in.

Twe is indulging his greatest passion, practical joking.

I do like Hayley, she's got a good heart.

We do wind each other up in work and sometimes we can

do each other's heads in.

It says, "To Pearce,

"hope you're not too stressed with all the love flying about.

"We need a drink soon. Love, James Hearn."

How many kisses? You're good at this snaking malarkey.

Keep it simple, give it one.

Just one kiss.

Treat them mean, keep them keen, is that right?

Hiya, babe.

Have you gone shy?

For one couple on the sales floor, Cupid's arrow has already struck.

Amateur boxer Paul is proving to Karlie he's a lover,

not just a fighter.

She's a really good looking girl and there's not many

girls on the floor so all the boys are like

a bit jealous, I reckon.

She's mine at the moment,

so no-one's... Keep their hands off, really.

We're not official, we're not together.

I don't want to be labelled as something yet,

cos I was in a relationship for three years before that and...

I dunno, I just don't want to get hurt again.

So just seeing how things go, but it's going good, really good.

He's really cute and kind.

Apple and Star tonight?

No, bed.

Going home and going to bed.

Boring, you are.

His personality is wicked

and he's hot as well, loads.

He's just...perfect.

The call centre brings you everything, don't it?

It brings you everything - money, love, everything.

Hayley is sorting through the messages in her box, getting

ready to dish out all the heartfelt declarations of love within.

"Roses are red, violets are blue,

"I'm shit at poems

"so get your tits out.

"Love you babe, Trev."

Oh, God. Right.

They're Romeos in here, ain't they?

Ah, "I love tea", man!

That's awesome.

"To Hayley, hope you have...

"Hope you're not too stressed with all the love flying about today.

"We need a drink soon.

"Love James Hearn." Who's that?

I think I know.

Well, that was a shock, cos I don't even speak to this guy.

I think I know who he is, on Dan's team.

Aw, that's cute, ain't it?

Right.

Aw, Lee, babes!

Is it opened?

It's not opened yet, I swear to God.

I had a Valentine's letter from someone.

Can't repeat it on TV, my mother would kill me.

I'll read it to the camera. Let's have a look.

"Dear Twe, I love your shiny, bald head.

"You always stare at me

"every day in work and you make me very, very horny.

"I just want your length inside me.

"PS, get your python out."

THEY LAUGH

Nice.

Get your python out.

Yeah, brilliant, I'll take that home and show that to the mum.

Keen to seize her romantic moment,

Hayley seeks out her secret admirer,

the unsuspecting James Hearn.

Thank you, babes!

Mwah!

Thanks!

Did he do it?

SHE LAUGHS

You bastards!

He was like that...

There we are, he's just had a kiss from me.

-Who is it?

-James Hearn...

HE LAUGHS

Did you get any Valentines?

Yeah, I know it was you.

What, what one?

I had a funny feeling it was a wind up anyway, right.

It's not a wind up. He's single, you're single.

-Oh, shut up.

-Think about pairing you up.

-You're single.

What we were thinking is he's...

I knew that it was a wind up. I said, "Aww..."

He's a big, muscly guy, possibly your type.

-Absolutely not.

-You've got a pulse, you're his type.

MAN: Oh, yeah, not your type Hayley...

TWE: So what's the problem?

Long story short, you wound me up, I wound you up.

It was me doing the python. Hmm.

Oh, right, so you wrote that to me. Oi, I just wanted to say...

Come here. Hayley!

Happy Valentine's Day.

Oh shut up, Twe.

-I love your work, I love your work.

-Shut up!

I can't even take you serious. What is it, fucking water like?!

No, it's not, honestly.

I love your work that you do, all right?

-Piss off, Twe.

-No, it is.

Give me a kiss, then.

-No, it's...

-No, genuine.

You're tipping tea everywhere, like, you're carrying hot stuff.

-It's like a health hazard. So, I love your work.

-Really?

I appreciate all the work you do.

I don't believe you, anyway.

-I do, come here.

-It's a joke.

-Come here.

Aw, guys! Twe has got an 'art.

-I haven't. Get back to work!

-Thank you!

-Get back to work!

-KARLIE:

-This rose is made by paper.

Paul's been making me one every single day for the past two

months and sometimes he colours them in, as well, to make them

look colourful, cos flowers are colourful, not white.

And, for Karlie, the romance with Paul is an even bigger deal, as all

her previous relationships have been with girls.

Obviously I was in love before with my ex.

Well, I think I was. Yeah, of course I was.

But because he's a guy it's

a completely different thing, you know?

Cos obviously... I'm not confused of my sexuality.

Obviously I like both.

Because it's a guy, I've never really...

Because I've never had a proper guy relationship

ever, like ever,

so I don't know. It's just exciting to see what happens.

There must be something there,

like, if she haven't had, like, a proper boyfriend before.

We never have a boring date together, it's always

something stupid or something funny,

something's always happening.

I've had two or three people coming up to me saying are me

and Paul together cos they said it's getting quite noticeable now.

But it's not just love on Paul's mind.

With fight night looming,

he's come to see Nev on official business.

All right, yeah, I've come to ask,

you know the fight between me and Dickie?

Yes.

Do you want to sponsor the fight?

You'll be there, handing out trophies, stuff like that, you know?

-Will I really?

-Yeah, hand the trophies out.

I've got to pay for the trophies as well?

No, I don't think you will.

I think I'd rather sharpen two pencils and stick them in my eyes.

It's going to be good, though.

Rather than sponsor two people from my call centre fighting each other.

Who's going to win?

I don't know yet, we'll see what happens.

Whoever trains the hardest.

You're not confident, are you?

I am confident, yeah, but, you know, I don't want to say too much.

Really? All right then.

How's your love life going?

Yeah, it's going good.

Is it? Nothing you need to tell me at all?

Well, what do you mean by that?

I'm just asking a question, just an open...

Oh, you're scratching your face, you're very uneasy.

Body language is looking very, very suspect.

Cringing away. Come on, tell me!

What's happening in your love life then?

-Well, you know Karlie.

-I know Karlie, she's a lovely girl.

What the hell's she doing with you?

I'm not a lovely boy, no?

You are a lovely boy, actually.

He is, he's a lovely boy.

But he wants to go into a ring and fight.

It's good, it's good. It's going to be good.

That gives off of a good luck.

And it gives me a name for what?

A nice, tough call centre, maybe.

Sponsoring thugs?

-Not thugs. Come on, now.

-OK.

Just one thing then, right?

You know, you've seen these shoes often enough, right?

You've seen me do this before, as well?

Get out of my office, now! Out, out!

How dare you even ask!

Get out, you asshole!

Have you gone?

Not as good as I planned it but we'll see how he is in a few

days and I'll try and... I reckon I can push him into it.

We'll see what happens now.

There's all sorts of er, things you can do for sponsorship.

Really, I'd rather give the money to charity than...

And a proper charity, rather than give it to

two boys going to beat the crap out of each other in a ring.

It's the Saturday shift for Johnny and his sister

and sales are painfully slow.

Yeah, it's, you know, at the flick, at the flick of a finger,

the flick of a coin, it could turn around and turn out to be a really

good day, but currently, at the moment, no, it's not going the best.

This is where it comes down to me, as the manager, just to sit here

or stand over there or stand there, and just make sure that they're

all on the phone, you know, not stressing out, trying to enjoy

their day, but at the same time, get the sales in as well, you know.

Who supplies your gas and electric?

All right, no problem, all right, take care.

Who pays... Who do you pay your gas and electric to?

A frustrated Gemma is still struggling to persuade

customers to switch energy suppliers.

Just hoping that she'll just jump back on the bandwagon

and be as good as she normally is.

No, no, the energy supplier.

Who supplies the energy?

Dear God.

Come on. Where are you going to now?

-Nowhere.

-Right...

If you're going to keep on kicking yourself in the teeth...

-No, but they're doing my head in.

-But listen. Why are you letting it?

Because they don't want to buy it and I need three people to buy it.

Well, that's not the point, you're not selling anything.

-Ah, you know...

-They're not buying nothing.

I need three people to switch.

Yeah, Gem... you've got to chill out.

You've got to get back on the phone and you've got to just concentrate

on doing your structure.

Take them points on board, on the phone.

Come on, back on the phone, Gem.

That's out of work.

-Oh, right, OK!

-Gem, what I said about them points, yeah?

-Yeah.

Since Thursday, she has been beating herself up and there's been

times where she's stressing herself out and now she's stressing out

because she's struggling because she hasn't got any at the moment.

So if she continues with that attitude

she is going to finish on zero.

She might as well fold her book away now, take her headset off

and sit there until five.

If she takes my points on board, and goes in with a different approach,

then, you know, you could come up with the deals that you want,

and get the money that she wants.

But that's up to her now.

Nev is back in the driving seat, heading to Derby to chase

a new £10 million contract for boilers.

I need to stitch it up before anybody else tries

to nobble it from me, you see?

It's business. So, keep your cards close to your chest.

With deals like this, the kids in the call centre don't know

that I'm up here trying to get this deal which will employ

another 50 people, so they've got more people and we're selling,

and it's buzzing, and you get the enthusiasm back again.

So, you know, if I do get this deal today, you know, I'll be

happy and, you know, by the time the kids in the call centre hear

about it, then, you know, it should enthuse them as well.

Having run out of sexy pictures to motivate his staff,

Twe has now declared war on fellow shift manager, Palmer,

who's been at the call centre for 18 months.

# War, huh, what is it good for? #

Erm, well, I hope it's not absolutely nothing,

cos they put a lot of effort into it and Palmer and Twe have hatched

this plan to get the shifts competing against each other.

There's Team Palmer.

HE LAUGHS

Twe's shift will battle it out with Palmer's for the most sales

over the next fortnight.

HE LAUGHS

But, you know, what's really fucked up, my body's on Apollo Creed.

All right, I know I like the sun bed but I'm not that tanned.

I've got an afro.

Your shift needs you, mate. That's all I'm saying.

Battle of the shifts.

I'd phone in sick for two weeks if I was you,

cos this shift is going to whoop your shift.

At times we looked like we actually hate each other

but it's all for, you know, to create a bit of banter

on the sales floor and to keep morale high.

As Twe walks down the sales floor, it's the first thing he can see.

Up there, pointing right at him, is my face with a bit of passion in it.

We work together but there's always that little bit of rivalry.

I like to be that, just that little bit ahead of him and, erm, and yeah,

We get on great but there's always going to be that bit of rivalry

because of the jobs that we're in.

It's begun.

-It's fucking on.

-It's on, mate.

-It's going on, son.

In Derby, Nev is back in the saddle.

The boiler contract is all but his.

How about that?

Good, nice guys, very nice guys, down to earth,

want to do business, erm,

and, er, we can do the business for them.

It's a vital and timely boost for the call centre's coffers.

The little buggers screwed me on price.

Nev may have taken a hit on the price but it's put a new song in his mouth all the same.

# Standing on your mama's porch

# You told me that you'd wait for ever

# Oh, and when I held you in my hands

# I knew that it was now or never

# Those were the best days of my life

# Oh, yeah! #

Oh, yeah!

# Back in the summer of '69... #

Hold on.

-You drive more aggressive when there's loud music on, oops.

-SAT NAV: Turn right in one mile.

I'll listen to the sat nav instead.

Wait, have you got your bills handy there?

Any bills there?

MOUTHS: She's drunk!

Johnny has devised a new way to help Gemma sell,

by putting words in her mouth, literally.

What would happen is, OK, is that in the next couple of weeks you will receive a new gas card, all right.

-You just carry on business as usual.

-You carry on as business as usual.

-The one you've got now...

-The one you've got now, put it in the bin.

-It's as simple as that.

-OK, and just have this new card...

-And just carry on business as usual.

-..which will cost you less money.

-That's all it is.

That's all it is, Mrs Walsh.

The special bond between brother and sister has propelled Gemma up the sales board.

She's on 19 sales and she's only expected to get 12 this week,

so she's doing extremely well.

Yeah, so I'll sort that out for you now, Mrs Walsh, then. Yeah?

Yeah, so a couple of quick details now we can get that set up for you. OK, Mrs Walsh?

Words of wisdom...

Inspirational techniques...

..and one day she might get as good as me!

One day...

It's fight night and the call centre has turned out to watch

two boys beat the crap out of each other in a ring.

Their adrenalin's going to be pumping.

Yeah, for you, for him.

Walking into that ring, all right. Control it though, yeah.

Dickie's girlfriend, Naomi, arrives with Paul's girlfriend, Karlie, not far behind.

Er, to be honest, I'm very, er, nervous,

erm, cos I don't know what's going to happen but I'm excited at the same time.

From Fight Club, Paul Williams!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

The fight for bragging rights will be over three rounds.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

BELL RINGS

In the red corner,

Dickie comes out throwing punches like a man possessed.

Come on, babe, you can do it!

BELL RINGS

Round one to Dickie.

How are we doing today?

-Our best.

-Troops are doing well?

-Yeah.

-Good to see.

Back at the call centre and round one of war is also one-way traffic.

-Are you telling Dickie how we're doing?

-We're having a big day.

I'm edging it just a little bit.

We're monitoring it and it seems to be having a good result,

there's a good buzz on the floor, everyone's buying into it.

BELL RINGS

SHOUTS OF ENCOURAGEMENT

Come on, Paul!

Round two and, after his frenetic start,

Dickie is beginning to run out of steam,

but then Paul lands an illegal punch,

right in Dickie's crown jewels.

CROWD BOOS

BELL RINGS

Every phone call from here on in could be an appointment on the board.

At the call centre, things have also swung the other way,

Twe's come from behind and taken the lead.

Well done, Lee, you just got that green call as a deal

and... get another one.

There's now only two points in it, so it's all to play for today pretty much.

It is... There's no reason why we won't be neck and neck.

There's ten minutes left. That's a lifetime in this game.

BELL RINGS

It's the final round.

Both boxers want a knockout punch

but can barely hold their arms up.

Go! Don't just stop!

Close it. Good stuff.

He's tired!

Tanya...

..targets to be hit.

Don't just stop, Paul.

BELL RINGS

Saved by the bell.

Are you all right?

Ladies and gentlemen, it's a draw.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

A draw means bragging rights are shared between shifts

and both girlfriends can be proud of their men.

Glad it's over, like.

My heart is going. Oh, I've got to text his mum.

I've never seen him actually fight but he did me proud then.

Don't cry.

THEY LAUGH

He did me proud, I'm happy for him.

Are you OK? Yeah.

Well done.

He done good, didn't he? Very well, I'm proud of you.

At the call centre, the war is over.

Tomorrow the result will be announced.

Twe's commitment to the call centre cause has made him

the manager he is, but it's come at a price.

I will give it 110% every single day, always the last guy out.

There's nothing I would change about my life right now, erm,

apart from, possibly, someone to go home to

instead of a cold, empty apartment.

I do get quite, not lonely,

but, erm, I dunno, I do get quite, not down sometimes,

but a little bit broody.

99% of my friends are, are married with kids.

I mean, everyone I've grown up with, erm, have all got,

er, marriages now and they've got children and stuff like that.

I think I'm one of the last ones to get either on that front.

If I was to meet anyone in the future they'd have to be

married to the job as well as I am, I suppose.

So it's that Catch 22 situation of how do you,

how do you meet people when you're working weekends

and when you're working till 10pm some nights?

As long as I have a glass of wine, steak and a DVD I'm happy.

That's what I do every single night.

Hiya!

Nev's quest for new business has been victorious.

Unlike Twe and Palmer's war, which has ended in a stalemate.

We're not having a draw, right.

There's winners and there's losers and that's it.

Nev has called a duel.

We're going to find out who is the winner

and the loser in a head-to-head right now.

OK, this is called Russian Roulette with eggs.

Yay!

We might have the odd one or two eggs that have not been hard boiled.

Some of them have been hard boiled.

Hold on, I've got to stay in work till nine o'clock tonight.

-Correct.

-Top off.

You started it, we'll finish it.

You're going to smash an egg over his head.

Come on, let's get on with it.

-Ready?

-Go, go, go.

CHEERING

One-nil, one-nil.

That's one-nil, one-nil.

CHEERING

One-all.

Yeah, two-one, two-one.

No, no, no, no.

That was hard-boiled. Hard-boiled.

Put it in there. Put it there.

CHEERING

No, no, hard-boiled.

CHEERING

Yeah!

Come on, no, no, no. Stop, stop, stop, stop.

Can we just clear this mess up here because that wasn't really a competition,

that was just to wind him up.

CHEERING

These are protein-only beans just for you to eat.

You've got a little spoon,

or alternatively you can always slurp them out of the bucket.

It's up to you.

If you don't eat at least half of them, right,

-if it all goes on the floor, you lose, right.

-Right.

It's a bean-eating contest.

Are you ready?

On your marks, get set, go!

Come on! Come on! Come on!

Give me the bucket, I got it, I got it.

Come on Twe. Come on!

Come on, Twe!

He did it!

Yeah!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

It's victory for Twe, and he's left Palmer with egg on his face.

Yay!

Egg and bean juice.

-Nev.

-Twe, what's going on?

I've just had, erm, a chicken drumstick.

-You want one of those, did you say?

-I'm all right thanks, mate.

-No, I can't eat on my own, go on.

-All right.

The call centre's mojo is back where it belongs

and Nev has summoned in his most trusted lieutenant, Twe, for a debrief.

You've done it. You've inspired the troops, on a time when it could have been a downer.

-Right.

-You inspired the troops.

-Where's the catch?

-I'm well pleased.

HE LAUGHS

-I'm going to...

-You're joking.

-Me joking?

-I can do ten times more than that.

-Go and do it. Go and inspire your troops.

-I do.

-OK.

And, erm, just be aware that I'm pleased with your work.

-Ah, thanks, mate, are you serious?

-Mmm.

-There's no joke, you're not winding me up?

-No joke.

-Cheers, Nev.

-There's some really good managers here,

-erm, and I've got you.

-Yeah.

A cut above.

NEV LAUGHS

But no, erm, you deserve a pat on the back

cos, er, erm, you really have been inspirational down there.

Your paperwork's shit, but you've been inspirational.

-Yeah. Cheers, Nev.

-Mmm.

Thanks, really nice of you.

-You going to shake my greasy hands.

-Yeah, shake your greasy hands.

Yeah. I'm pleased.

Is this where I angle for a pay rise now or shall we talk...

You must be joking. Get out!

-Catch you later.

-A pay rise?

Wow, just got a 20 grand pay rise.

It's just another day at the call centre except today

is Hollywood Day, a fancy dress fundraiser for a local charity.

Well, it's read out at every wedding.

You know, erm, love is patient,

love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast

and these three remain, faith, hope and charity

and the greatest of which is charity.

Your arms, right, are so big, right,

they're interfering.

Oos! Oos! Oos!

You're in my way.

Training you see, Gem, training.

-Right then, guys, first thing I want to say is welcome to Wonka World.

-CHEERING

Palmer has come as his hero, Willy Wonka,

and made his entire shift leave their dignity

at home and dress as Oompa-Loompas.

Well done, guys, have a good shift.

Let's go for it. Get the music on.

I'm Julius Caesar.

-Cleopatra.

-Cleopatra.

Twe has transformed his sales floor into Gotham City.

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, Batman!

I'm happy, I'm actually excited now for the shift.

Yeah, cape, does it look...

Ah, shall I write meow on the back?

I'll leave it. They know I'm a cat, anyway.

Really quickly, guys...

And the man himself is dressed as Batman's arch enemy, Bane.

I'll be coming around to everyone with a bucket, OK.

I'm putting in 20 quid myself.

APPLAUSE

And Nev could only ever come as one Hollywood hero, John Wayne.

That's a nice horse.

Showing everyone that when the call centre chips are down,

there's only one thing he can do.

Get back on the horse and ride.

That didn't work.

-It's all about helping a young girl walk.

-Aw.

Thanks, Hayley.

Twe and his little romance.

They love each, they love each other but they hate each other.

-We were talking about him the other day.

-Definitely not love!

No, there's never been no love, yeah, it's like and hate.

Maybe she fancies him.

There's 70 of us all dressed up as Oompa-Loompas.

You've seen Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Just a very quick courtesy call relating to 5, Cheddar Crescent.

LINE GOES DEAD

Hello, Mr Jackson?

Can I give you one, one saying from Dylan Thomas?

Those who want to find rest, find boredom,

those that find work, find rest.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd