The Cash Cow of the Company Has Stopped Giving Milk The Call Centre

This programme contains strong language.

Are you aware it's free to have your loft and walls insulated?

Over a million people now work in UK call centres

with an average age of just 26.

'I'm not interested, thank you.'

'I think it's all a scam, to be honest with you.'

They are the factories of our time,

but here, at the third-largest call centre in Swansea,

the only things being made are the cold calls we dread.

'No, no, no.'

'Stop bloody bothering me!'

'I really don't want these calls,

'especially not at seven o'clock in the evening.'

Holding the reins is CEO Nev Wilshire.

With over half of his sales agents under 25,

Nev has developed a unique approach

to keeping his young workforce on their toes.

Sums up my management style...?

SHOUTS: Get out of my office!

The yawn at the back, get down!

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT Probably Napoleon, dictator.

Can you tell her she's sacked, then?

But his troops loved him.

He's awful, absolutely awful.

And with the sales floor simmering with stress...

'Piss off!'

This ain't funny! This ain't funny now, cos you could have broke it.

I'm going to kill someone.

..sex... Raarrgh!

..and success...

Almost getting a little excited in my pants right now.

Oos! Oos!

..there's never a dull day when you work at this Swansea call centre.

There's winners and there's losers and that's it.

CHEERING

To be in charge of 700 people, sometimes it's daunting,

but, eh...I love it, I absolutely love it.

Welcome to Nev's world.

Karlie, do me a favour. Can you come with me to inspect the toi...?

After that complaint you made, you know, can we inspect the loos?

Yeah.

It's Monday morning at the call centre

and CEO Nev Wilshire is off to the toilet, the ladies' toilet.

Yeah, I'm going to go where no man has gone before.

There has been a complaint,

that somebody didn't use the toilet as it should have been.

In fact, they used the bin for what should have been used as a toilet.

I think somebody must have been absolutely desperate,

couldn't cork it any longer and um...

used that.

We haven't got a company policy on shitting in the bins,

it's something we've obviously overlooked and um...

we need to RECTUMFY that one.

It's appalling, to be honest. It's absolutely disgusting

that somebody has actually, you know, shat in the bin, to be honest.

It is. It's shit, isn't it? Yes, quite embarrassing.

Yeah, it's stinking.

But there's no stinking in here now, so err...the cleaner's done their job

and I'm very grateful to them for, for doing that job.

Nev calls one of his regular staff meetings.

Ironically, they're known as a shit sandwich.

The girls' toilet.

ALL: Oooohhhh.

Oooohhhh.

MURMURING

HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

Ooh, ooh...

Quieten down.

The girls' toilet on floor three!

The toilet is to be used, not the bin.

LAUGHTER

Nobody seems keen to claim responsibility.

But for 21-year-old Chelsea, whodunit is only half the mystery.

The bin they actually shat in, well, I think they shat in anyway,

it was the Tampax pad one.

Which is really thin and thin and long,

whereas a normal bin is round, innit? And deep.

This one's just thin and long. So how the hell

they got their arse cheek on there to shit through there, I don't know.

Cos normally... No, I'm not even going to talk about shit.

Can we sort it out?

Can we behave a bit better than that? Hey?

That's pathetic.

The lavatorial activities of one errant lady

are not the only thing winding up Nev.

Yeah, sometimes it can go too far

with the happy-clappy environment we try and create.

Um...but everybody knows that they're here to do a job and to sell.

You know, we've never disguised that.

Having built the call centre on his philosophy that happy people sell,

increasingly, Nev's noticed that some people are a little too happy

to take advantage.

There's always people who'll take the piss

and yesterday, I went downstairs

and there were people with their feet on their desks,

you know, things were a bit quiet

and instead of, you know, sorting things out,

even cleaning the canteen,

they're sitting there, chatting with their feet on the desks.

And I thought, "Well, you know, I'm not a charity,

"we're a business."

Nev, is determined to crack down.

First in the firing line, time-wasting smokers.

So it seems we've got the intelligentsia of the company

sat around this table, what are we going to do about fag breaks?

We've got to bring them to an end.

Yeah. Five-minute fag breaks

turn into ten-minute, 15-minute fag breaks,

sales are down, fags are up. Yeah.

We're trying to make it the demise of the fag.

But how long is a fag break usually?

About two to five minutes, isn't it? But it just goes on for about a quarter of an hour.

You know, I've never seen anybody walk so slow

as the people from the fag break going back onto the phones.

MURMURING

Bad for your health, you know. THEY CHUCKLE

The trouble is, for the hundreds of smokers on Nev's payroll,

the fag break is a way of coping

with the daily stream of abuse and rejection.

'Stop bloody bothering me.' No worries at all.

'Stop, stop, stop, stop.'

It's such a stressful environment, I probably smoke about 20, 25 a day.

21-year-old ex-care worker Rachel

has been on the phones for almost a year.

I mean, it does show on our database. 'I'm not interested.'

What is it that you're not so interested in, sir?

'Anything you've got to tell me.'

I've been called an immigrant, and I'm thinking,

"Right, I sound really Welshy,"

so I'm not quite sure why I've been called an immigrant,

but I've been called an immigrant a couple of times.

I thought it was quite nasty, actually.

You know, I've got a really Welsh accent.

Oh, hi there, sir.

It's Chelsea from Nationwide Energy Customer Service...

Chelsea has been at the call centre for about two years.

I've been told roughly about 1,000 times to f-off,

roughly, maybe a bit more, er... Just really abusive, some are.

Up to now, it's been company policy to reward smokers

with extra fag breaks for good performance.

You know, if you are having a good day,

if you get two deals, you get to go for a fag, so you kind of work harder to get those two deals,

but then, you're smoking more as well,

so it's a bit like a win-win situation,

cos you're just going to end up smoking more.

Right, what are we doing about them,

just cut back on the incentive, yeah?

Yeah, so usually we'd have the incentive, "Get so many sales..."

and you'd be able to have a five-minute fag break,

we're stopping that from all sales departments as of today.

Why am I smoking? This is really bad.

HE CHUCKLES

I've been asking myself the same thing for 15 years.

You've smoked for 15 years? Yeah. How old are you, 30?

30, yeah. When did you start, at 15? 15, yeah.

My God, George.

It isn't just the financial cost to his business

that's bugging Nev either.

Right, so this is what we, we endure, right.

It's the fag ends being thrown as they come in, you see.

So they just, from the designated fag zone,

they stroll back to the building and chuck them out around here, you see.

Oh, there are some fags ends in the bin but only one or two.

It's probably easier to throw them on the floor.

I've never been a smoker, both my parents smoked,

which, I suppose, put me and my brothers off, for, for life.

Despite knowing old habits die hard,

Nev plans to go even further than just stopping the fag breaks.

We're going to try and convince people to give up smoking,

and I don't think we're going to drum up a lot of enthusiasm for it,

that's my opinion but, but we're going to try,

we're going to go for a smoke-free zone in this entire place,

it's going to be phenomenal if... if it's pulled off.

Nev begins the recruitment drive for his quitters club.

Give me the fag, give me the fag. Come on!

And what better place to start than smokers' corner?

Who's giving up smoking?

As usual, Nev isn't taking "no" for an answer.

Who's giving up smoking? Boss, I was going to ask you...

In here now. Now.

OK...

Let the dog see the rabbit.

Who hasn't got a form? Who hasn't got a form?

OK, thank you all very much for coming

and for attempting to give up fags.

OK, if you can make it through to next Monday,

without a sneaksy, I'll give you all a tenner.

Is that all right? Yeah. Is that fair?

Whoever fails for the six days

is on fag-butt cleaning-up duty.

ALL: Aw!

And you will be out in the car park

and, you know, all round the fag zone, picking up fags.

fag butt picking up duty or a tenner. That's the bet.

Does anybody want to leave now? Yes.

LAUGHTER Bye-bye!

MURMURING

Serious giver-uppers. We're going to do it for six days? Yeah. OK.

'Got the sneaky feeling that we're only going to have one or two

'that, that will make it, is my guess.'

We'll have a go, once they realise that there's no sneak ciggies,

we'll see a few people suddenly turn a whiter shade of pale...

..cos they're all thinking, "Yeah, we'll just have the odd one,"

you know, but they won't be able to.

We're winning now. And, then, well, a few people walked out

cos they shit themselves, cos you ain't going to go no sneaksies.

And I was under the impression that I could have two fags a day,

so now I'm panicking, and I don't want to be picking up fag butts.

I'd absolutely be mortified if I had to pick up fag butts,

I'd be shamed. I'd have to get like pink zebra-print gloves.

I ain't doing it in no yellow gloves.

I would actually be shamed, though. If they made me do it, I would cry

and just be like, "Please, please, don't make me do it."

And then I'd probably do it with a fag then. May as well, innit?

Well, I do want to quit smoking, but I won't be able to.

But I don't fancy picking fag butts up.

But it's not just extended cigarette breaks

that are a distraction for Nev's young workforce.

Many more hours are spent primping and preening.

Do you go on the sun beds?

I have before, yeah. Spray tan, I have.

I used to inject tan into myself.

No?!

Tan injections, they were.

They were awful.

Well, I did them for a while and they were brilliant,

I thought they were the best thing ever,

but the more I kept doing them, the more, like, orange I'd go.

Not orange, like a green, like a...

I don't know, what colour it was, it just wasn't brown. It was awful.

Then I used to have blotches all over my skin, like dry patches.

Oh, it was terrible. And cos I go out, like, every weekend,

I've got to have a tan to go out anyway, so I'll just keep topping up and topping up.

I don't think I've ever been pale, like her, ever.

Only when I was born, probably.

For many sales agents, looks matter.

'In this day and age, I think looks are important to everyone, as well.'

If they don't like the look of you,

most people won't speak to you to get to know you first.

It's "Oh, I don't like the look of them."

What have you got then? Brains or beauty?

What have I got, brains or beauty? I don't know.

'I wouldn't mind looking like Marilyn Monroe.'

She is gorgeous.

Nat, should we get Botox done?

I'd love to get Botox. Should we get Botox?

I haven't got any wrinkles to get rid of, though.

THEY GIGGLE

For 53-year-old Nev, it's a world he's baffled by.

What do you spend your commission on? Tattoos. Really?

Yeah. After a payday on this week,

I got another one booked in for the week after.

So, where is it?

On my arm. Well, let's have a look then.

So you're inflicting pain on yourself, for ?50 an hour?

I don't understand at all. But I'm just an old fart.

I realise now.

I mean, they must be spending 100, 150 quid on a tattoo

when they get their wages,

and then at the end of the month, "Nev, can I have a sub?"

I'm sponsoring the tattoos.

You look like a giant salmon. What? You look like a giant salmon.

Salmon? Yeah. Like, a fish? Yeah.

How am I...? How am I a salmon?

Hello, is this Mrs Underblast?

'In Wales, you know, in Swansea, especially,'

there is a big thing about the way people look, I think, and, erm,

it is good for a boy to look bigger

'and, you know, better than other boys.'

Actually, I think it's a bigger thing for boys to look better

than girls, in Swansea.

'It is a little bit alien to me that boys moisturise

'and pluck their eyebrows. It is unbelievable.'

You could never imagine John Wayne moisturising, could you? You know?

MIMICS JOHN WAYNE: "Get off your horse and moisturise."

Just couldn't, couldn't be done.

'I always make sure that I get my eyebrows waxed,'

I get spray tans, sun beds. Er, you know, I go to the gym,

always get my hair cut, make sure I'm looking good all the time.

My fake tan's like ?15 a time, my eyelashes are ?25 a time,

and then my nails are like 35, maybe ?40 a time,

all depending on what kind of nails I have. I know, I'm terrible.

'I wanted to be small but with big boobs. What girl doesn't?'

So I thought, "Bugger it, I'm going to go get a bank loan.

"I've got no kids, I got no car or nothing to pay for,

"I'm going to get my boobs done."

'I paid four grand for them. I'm still paying it off now.

'Who doesn't want bigger boobs? What boys don't want bigger muscles?'

It's just something that everyone wants, I suppose.

19-year-old Corey isn't one of the call centre's strongest sellers.

But what he lacks in sales, he more than makes up for in muscles.

If I want to go out with a nice-looking girl,

I don't want to have any trouble with pulling her, do you know what I mean?

And I think that's a result of what I look like now.

A month ago, Corey started dating 21-year-old sales agent Chloe.

OK. Do you realise how successful these claims can be?

INAUDIBLE

OK, no problem.

'I turned round and I'd seen that somebody was making a protein shake,'

and I'm into body builders, so that was the first thing I noticed.

I looked up at him then, and I seen him from the back, and I was like,

"Oh, my God, he's really muscly,"

because I hadn't seen anyone over there that was my type.

And I said to my friend Katie, I said, "Oh, he's really hot."

'Corey's look is quite striking.'

I don't fancy him myself, but apparently Chloe does.

So, erm, you know, she's obviously into that look.

I like blondes, I like Barbies, and I like older girls,

and she ticks all those boxes, really, so...

I know that he likes Barbie-looking girls,

because he's, like, shown me some girls that he's been out with before

and they all look like Barbies.

Basically, a Barbie's got to have long blonde hair,

extensions is a must.

'Er, and they've got to know how to dress themselves.

'I can't stand a girl who can't dress herself.

'I definitely wouldn't go for a girl who didn't wear enough make-up.'

That's a big thing. I mean, girls are supposed to doll themselves up, I think.

Being a Barbie is all about being a bit plastic. Sorry, it is.

And it is a good look, I don't really care what people say.

For me, it's a really good look.

So what's happening to you and Corey, then?

What do you mean by that?

You seem to be getting a lot of... Getting a lot closer.

Yeah, yeah, we are close.

I don't know, we have got the same interests.

I like going to the gym, and he likes going to the gym.

We're both a little bit vain, in some ways.

Having bonded over a common passion for keeping fit,

Corey is keen to make their relationship physical.

I was going to pay for a personal trainer,

and then he offered then, cos he's done personal training,

he said he'd do it for free, so I jumped at the chance then.

Down the road from the call centre is Corey's gym,

where he trains seven days a week.

Corey's preferred teaching method is demonstration based.

He pumps iron while Chloe watches...

..And watches...

..And watches...

HE GRUNTS

We're trying to focus on me a little bit.

I'd rather it when he's actually teaching me something,

because that was the idea of us coming here,

cos he was going to be my personal trainer.

When he does teach me, he's good at teaching me,

but then it's hard to get him to actually show me something.

Power up, yeah? They banged...

I feel all wobbly. Am I doing it right? Yeah.

And just bring it up, like that? Yeah.

Cor, aren't my boobs big enough anyway?

No. They'll get like mine eventually.

Boys aren't meant to have boobs, Cor.

I'm not saying they're not big, but they're not as big as mine.

But that's understandable, isn't it?

Really? They're not as big as mine!

Of course they are! No, they're not.

They're bigger, you div. They're not bigger.

I cannot believe I'm having an argument in the gym with a boy

over whose boobs are the biggest.

She did all right, considering it's her first time in the gym, you know?

Everybody has to start from somewhere, don't they? We all have to do it.

So it was all good, yeah. I enjoyed it.

As part of his crackdown on time-wasters,

Nev has been reviewing the quarterly sales figures.

Come on, time's money, let's go.

And it has not made for happy reading.

Overtime, you robbing bastards.

THEY LAUGH

You've taken the piss. You've taken the piss, OK?

I go and give you overtime, and what happens?

You come in, you scan in, "Thanks very much,"

then you go and have breakfast or, you know, take an hour for lunch,

off you go for a fag.

The sales are nonexistent on overtime.

You've pushed it too far. It's stopped.

'You give them the feather and tickle them into position,'

and if they don't take the feather, you come along with a mallet.

So they've just had the mallet. Bang, sorted.

No more overtime.

Don't take the piss out of me. Don't take advantage.

No more overtime. I don't give a shit who you are. It's stopped.

Gone. You messed it up. I gave you a chance.

I've lost something like 15 grand a month.

But what his workforce don't know

is Nev has another, far bigger, problem.

The call centre's most lucrative contract, worth millions a year,

is coming to an end.

We've ducked and dived with different contractors

in order to keep things flowing right to the death.

And we've done well at it, you know, we have.

'But we have to be real, and next week, there are no grants.'

The cash cow of the company isn't giving milk any more.

With the milk drying up,

agents who fail to hit targets are now under pressure to deliver.

Agents like 19-year-old Shaun.

'Hello?' Hello, is this Mrs Weir?

'I'm not interested in anything...'

SPEECH IS INAUDIBLE

That's completely understandable, Mrs Weir.

Shaun has the added pressure of being the sole bread-winner in his family.

Me and my mum are there at the moment, and she's unemployed,

so it's kind of, I'm the sole income for the house,

so I'm just trying to support my mother and my brother then,

to try and get them the best that they can.

And, obviously, I want the best for my mother, my family, my brother,

to try and actually get for them.

I mean, who doesn't want the best for their family?

Hi, is that Mr Robinson?

Oh, no problem. I'll give you a call back after, OK?

No problem, I give him a call back then. Thanks, bye.

For the last few weeks,

Shaun has been seeing his more experienced colleague,

29-year-old single mum Lisa.

'I got to know Shaun, erm, when he was placed to sit next to me,

'so I could help him come out of his shell a bit more.'

He's nothing like any of the guys that I've gone for before.

He's quite normal compared to the other guys that I've gone out with!

I don't know what I was doing or thinking with them,

but, hey, live and learn!

But, yeah, he is, he's lovely. I do like Shaun.

Shaun's dream is to become a professional rugby player,

and tonight he has a trial which could take him to the big time.

Lisa is on hand to offer moral support.

Oh, there he is, with shorts on.

SHE CHUCKLES

'He's a little bit nervous,

'but I think it's a pretty big game, as well, isn't it?'

But he's looking quite cool now.

So, got my flask at the ready. Go Shaun!

SHE LAUGHS

# Go Shaun! Go Shaun! Go Shaun! #

Come on, Shaun!

Never come to a rugby match from work wearing heels.

Not a good idea.

Oh, I can't feel my toes!

But it's worth it to watch Shaun.

Shaun should find out within a week whether he's impressed on the pitch.

For Lisa, there's no doubt.

Come on, Shaun! Woo!

I hope he's OK, I can't wait to give him a hug.

Mainly cos he's warm!

SHE LAUGHS

Morning, good afternoon, my name is Dwayne.

I'm the grant advisor for the local area.

I'm calling from Nationwide Energy.

A quick call with regards to your property, number 16, Abingdon Avenue.

It's still showing that you haven't used your grant yet

for loft and cavity wall insulation. I'm just finding out why that is.

31-year-old Dwayne has been at the call centre for four years

and is one of Nev's star managers.

Dwayne came over to the United Kingdom to play cricket.

Obviously he thought he was better than he was,

cos he didn't quite make it as a professional cricketer.

And, so, we set his feet in a new place

and put a new song in his mouth.

With the call centre's biggest contract almost at an end,

it's vital Dwayne helps keep the collective pecker up.

Come on, let's finish it strong today,

I've got a good feeling about this last 45 minutes.

I'm almost getting a little excited in my pants right now.

You got to get excited about something.

If you don't get excited about what you're selling,

or passionate about what you're doing,

you'll never have any success.

Today is your day. Let's do it.

Let's do it.

Dwayne is determined to infect his team

with his enthusiasm and success, and is running a sales masterclass.

Working in a call centre is quite a monotonous job, you know?

They're coming in, doing exactly the same thing every single day.

So getting up for something, it's quite difficult.

You know, motivating yourself to come in to work,

and do the same thing over and over and over again

can be a difficult thing.

One of the first to sign up is 17-year-old school-leaver Aiden,

who, like many new starters, has been struggling to hit targets.

I was only hitting, like, one or two a day.

People around me were doing six and it made me feel a bit down.

I was having a bit of trouble cos,

even though I know what I was talking about,

I was having trouble trying to sell to people.

That's where I was going wrong, really. They just didn't want it off me.

But he thinks he has what it takes to turn it around.

You need confidence to sell, otherwise you'll not go anywhere.

What's happening guys? All good? Do you want to come in, yeah?

Do you want to come in, yeah?

Yeah, I see it as a career.

I mean, you get promotions. You can go up in the career.

You know, you start off in sales, but in a year's time

you could be doing something better than what you're doing now.

But, yeah, I can see myself staying here for a while.

Sales is all in the head.

Now, I tell you something, when I was on the phones, right?

This was my big desk, yeah? You guys aren't here right now.

I had my own massive desk, computer,

I had my own sexy secretary bringing me tea and coffee.

This was all in my head, crazy as it sounds, right?

But I was the big daddy. Yeah? I was the man.

And every single person I was phoning, I was helping.

All right? And that was my mindset.

And if you guys can have that mindset when in sales,

you'll do a hell of a lot better, I guarantee you.

You are the grant advisor.

You're the big daddy. You are. You're helping people.

But before big daddies can help others,

they need to help themselves.

Now, when I was on the phones, my goal was to make enough commission

so I could buy my Audi A3, cash.

Serious. Did you?

That was my goal. I've got an Audi A3.

All right? That was my goal.

But it wasn't just a goal up there. I had a visual of it.

Right next to my PC, I had my Audi A3 ` bang.

Right there, staring at me all day.

Swear to goodness. Have yourself a visual. Yeah?

Aiden, what do you want? To move to New York.

You're moving to New York? No, I want to go and live there.

There we are, so you have New York up in front of you.

Yeah?

Seriously, I tell you what, you'll work harder to get towards it.

I'm saving for something myself.

And I've changed my password to get into the system,

is that thing that I'm saving for.

So I think about it every single time I log on.

Every single time, yeah. Brilliant, brilliant. Results.

But for Dwayne,

the key to closing any deal is a passionate opening pitch.

Aiden, give me your introduction.

Hi there, it's Aiden calling from Nationwide Energy.

I'm the local grants advisor for the SA5 area.

I'm just calling today about the grants that you're entitled to

for home insulation. Are you still living at that address?

Would you buy from yourself?

Would you buy from yourself?

Would you buy loft and cavity wall insulation from yourself?

No.

My introduction has always been a problem in my calls.

And he noticed that when he's looking back.

I'll need to be more confident, obviously, otherwise I won't sell.

And if I don't sell, then who knows what's going to happen?

But I'm very thankful he gave us that today, those tips and tricks.

All good, guys? All good.

Brilliant stuff, thank you very much.

'I need people on the sales floor

'that are going to be trying their heart out.'

It is a business, you know, and it's a results-run game,

at the end of the day. So, not easy.

It's three days into Nev's quit smoking campaign.

For 18-year-old Tamara, who's worked at the call centre for six months,

it's not going very well.

Wait for Chelsea now, and have a nice sneaky fag.

Everyone gives it the big one, "Oh, I'm going to quit, la-la-la."

And they're like, "Oh, I haven't smoked for this long."

And I'm thinking, "Yeah, but we're not with you 24-7.

"We don't know, you could be lying."

So everyone has a sneaky fag, I don't care what anyone says.

Hello? What are we doing now?

Have a fag.

Tamara is heading into work with her friend Chelsea,

who is also struggling to quit.

Hello. Hiya, love. All right? Not smoking today?

Well, we'll soon fucking see!

THEY LAUGH

All right? Oh, fuck-a-duck.

Are you single, Tamara? Yeah, are you?

Yeah, I am. I think I am going to be for the rest of my life. And me!

I think boys who smoke is all right. But boys who don't smoke...

See, I smoke myself, and I'd never go out with a boy that smoked.

Wouldn't you? No, only cos of the smell of it.

Yeah, yeah. I know that myself, because I smell exactly the same.

But I would never. Only because their teeth go yellow and stuff.

Like, I'm lucky my teeth aren't yellow yet.

I'll take anything that comes my way, to be honest

I think I'm literally just going to need, like,

some form of sperm donor to have a baby.

That probably could be why, mind, cos we smoke.

That's why we ain't got a boyfriend.

Because I don't think boys like girls who smoke.

Their breath smells. Especially if they don't smoke themselves.

Breath smelling, clothes smelling.

Boys who don't smoke don't like girls...

What the fuck is he doing? Wanker!

Fuckin' hell.

One smoker doing better than Chelsea and Tamara at giving up

is 20-year-old Rachel.

I can't do it. I'm on a diet as well, mind.

I've got fucking shakes in my bag.

It's taking on too much. Way too much.

I don't think it's the nicotine that I'm addicted to.

I know it doesn't really make sense, but it's more...my hands.

Like keeping busy.

That's what I miss the most, having something in my mouth.

Oh, my God, that sounds so wrong.

Rachel has turned to a battery-powered device

to satisfy her cravings ` the electric cigarette.

But her supply has run dry.

I'm going to find Joe.

Basically, Joe's coming in now, apparently,

with electric fags for me, so I don't smoke real fags.

But the problem is he's not here yet.

And I'm gasping and I'm going to kill someone.

It's 2:15. If he's not here by 2:30 then shit's going to hit the fan.

Honestly, it is.

Somebody find him, please. Before I kill somebody.

I need to find Joe, I really need a fag.

What do you want off Joe?

He's got electric fags and I am fucking gasping.

I'm going to kill someone.

Chill out. You shouldn't be smoking in the first place.

Oh, Scott, do me a favour now and just go fuck yourself. Seriously.

You shouldn't be smoking in the first place.

Bad for you, bad for your skin, everything. Shouldn't be smoking.

There we are, then. You shouldn't be smoking.

Oh, there we are, Scott. Fuck off.

Just in the nick of time, electric-fag Joe finally arrives.

Thank fuck for that.

Right, sort me out now, come on. 40? 40, yeah.

Right. Brilliant.

Oh, my God, you've just saved my life.

PHONE RINGTONE

'Hello?' Oh, hello, is this Miss Edmonds?

'No.' I do apologise, sorry. 'All right.' Bye.

I hope they can't hear me smoking on the phone.

The call centre's biggest contract has less than a week to run.

With no replacement in sight,

Nev has found himself having to think the unthinkable.

I've never had to call a retreat. We've never laid people off.

We've always pressed on, and pressed on and kept on recruiting.

So unless I get some good, positive words from some party,

then we may have to cut back,

which will be bad news and will hurt immensely.

Having reviewed the figures,

Nev is astonished by the poor performance levels

of some of his sales staff.

And he's holding his senior management team responsible.

This is a bit about the glue between departments.

Cos it ain't fucking happening.

You have been slack, as managers.

How long have we been doing this?

Two weeks.

Bollocks. There are part-timers, one sale in seven weeks.

Why the hell is she still here? Who hasn't picked that up?

I'm not paying all those people out there not to sell ANYTHING.

You know, if it was close to a break even, losing a little bit...

But that's losing hand over fist.

What on earth is going on?

The staff at the call centre are still blissfully unaware

about the upheavals going on behind the scenes.

Who would you...ideally be with?

Someone with money, someone with a nice car,

someone who's on steroids

and someone who's got sleeves of tattoos.

And I'm a happy lady.

What exactly is attractive about him? His tattoos, God damn it.

Look at his sneering face.

He needs to boot her out, let me sit there.

Actually, you would make a good couple.

Just without them kids sitting round.

You'd have ugly babies though. Are you real? Mm.

I'd have beautiful babies.

My babies aren't going to be ginger either,

that's the good thing about it.

Sneering, bald versions of you. Just shut up! Just shut up.

What you reading?

I'm just reading some interesting facts about dementia.

I've definitely got it, I have.

Is it in there, yeah? It's in there.

I think I've got amnesia.

You've got amnesia? You sure you're not just thick?

It's about a refund you should be entitled to

for payment protection insurance. Do you know what I'm...?

Well, have you already had your money back then, yeah?

You're what? You're old?

Call centre agents Chloe and Corey have been now dating for a month

and they're planning to take things to the next level.

Like, we're getting on really good.

He's meant to be moving in for a week.

When? Next week, I think.

Oh, my God, Chlo. Really?

Yeah, just to see how it goes.

Yeah.

I just think, at the end of the day,

it's easier for both of us if we split the rent and stuff.

I'm living in this dump, and it's doing my head in.

I don't even have hot water in my shower at the moment.

So, the only thing I can see out of it is give it a go

and if it works out, it works out.

If it doesn't, it doesn't work out. You know?

You know, you do fancy him though, don't you? A little bit.

I think he's gorgeous. But you know, he's a lot...

He's not a lot younger than me, but I'm used to older people.

Yeah. Is he mature, though?

Um...in some ways, yeah. In some ways, no.

Yeah. Maybe you need that time together

to realise if you do like each other.

It's like they say, make or break. Like on holiday and stuff.

And we did go away the weekend, didn't we, to Alton Towers?

Yeah. And we did argue quite a bit.

Really? Yeah. Oh, my God.

Did anything happen though? Did you give him a kiss?

No. No? Oh, God. Did he ask for one?

Yeah. Oh, my God. Like proper try it on?

Yeah. Oh, Chlo.

She's got a thing about not sleeping with boys on the first night,

and stuff like that.

It's up to her really, innit? I don't judge anybody.

You know, you can sleep with someone on the first night.

I mean, I do it all the time.

I've got to be honest with you, I'll sleep with a girl once

and I won't speak to her again, but that's just me.

I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

He's a really nice person, isn't he? Too nice?

No, he's really nice, Chlo. I think he's lovely, I do.

I've never been in love. I mean, I don't really go for love, usually.

I mean, I'm so focused on myself,

I don't really have time for anybody else, do you know what I mean?

We're just taking each day as it comes, really.

Cos I'm up and down all the time anyway, ain't I?

I change my mind like the weather.

There we are, hair's done for you, babe.

Let's have a look.

Aw, it's nice. Thank you.

Oh, it's lovely, Chlo. Really nice. Yeah.

It's the final day of Nev's quit smoking campaign.

Having promised a tenner to anyone who survives six days

without a sneaksy, he's taking it seriously.

And for any cheats, fag butt collection beckons.

We're well into the experiment.

There are the odd people who have had the sneaksy.

And we're going to weasel them out.

Let's go get 'em.

Rachel, who has relied on electric cigarettes

to satisfy her cravings, isn't impressed by Chelsea...

Naughty girl.

..who has preferred to stick with the real thing.

She's smoking, she's cheating, she's having a sneaksy.

It's the weekend, I need a fag.

I'm just stressed out.

I've only had one today. This is my second one.

Right.

Nev plans to sniff out any rule-breakers,

using a hi-tech device

which measures the carbon monoxide levels in the breath.

Breathe in.

Blow like hell!

But, to confirm the machine's reading,

Nev relies on a more old-fashioned method.

Give me your fingers.

They smell fine. And the other one.

Well, science has proven that the finger-sniffing test

is definitely the way to go, and I don't know why the NHS don't adopt it

as a method of seeing if people have given up.

Blow like hell, George. Blow!

Oh, it's just melted.

Oh, it's straight up to six, straight up to ten! Ten!

11! It's gone red, it's curled up and died!

13! You cheating bastard!

George!

Chain-smoking Chelsea is hiding her stinky fingers in the smokers' hut.

The first day I was OK.

The second day, OK-ish, but not nowhere near.

And then, after that, crap. Awful.

I was having, like... I was better than I used to smoke.

I was on, like, five a day.

But then I just couldn't hack it.

I just couldn't do it, because I was dieting as well and I was hungry.

I was in a mood anyway cos I was hungry

and everybody was eating chocolate next to me,

somebody was eating crisps next to me.

And me with my bowl of salad.

And I was just thinking, "Oh, my God, get me out of here.

"I need a fag or something before I go mad."

So that's why I weren't sticking to it.

And now I'm back smoking normal.

In fact, only a handful succeed in pocketing Nev's tenner.

Did you blow?

One, thank you.

You didn't blow anything.

All right I lied. Here you are, you can have your thing.

Last up is electric cigarette-smoking Rachel

who should have no problem passing the test.

NEV LAUGHS

Ten, 11, 11!

It's not as bad as George, it's not as bad as George,

but it's pretty gruesome. It's pretty gruesome.

Come on, we're on. We're on fag butts.

Rachel it seems, has in fact been sneaking real fags

on top of the electric one, so there's no escaping the Marigolds.

Let's have a pair of Marigolds, Marigold, the last,

the very last pair of Marigolds for you.

OK, you can see by my face, you know, I'm gutted.

They don't fit my hands, sorry.

Bag, hang on, Phil. Bag, bag.

I know. The thing is, if I bend down, my knickers will fall down

and then everyone will see my ass, not that anyone wants to see my ass.

I tell you what, why don't we just fucking sit down

and then just reach around or something?

I am gutted that I don't have to give them a tenner,

that I'm here to supervise fag butt picking up

but it's a tough job, but somebody has got to do it.

Just chuck it. Go on, just go.

Tip it in! Get that open.

Oh, my life, ohhhh.

Don't stop, it's not over until the fat lady sings, come on!

We're singing now, it's over. That's it then, is it? Yeah.

Look at that. Can I join in?

I was off duty, I was on the way out for a fag. Can I have a fag with it?

Well, it's up to you, you've done now, you've done your penance.

I think we've done pretty well. Oh, this is crap.

Hide, hide. It's not even a sneaksy now.

It's not as if I flat-out love fags, like, innit?

I just do it on occasions, like now.

You know it was very interesting to see the two smokers

right at the end light up, no willpower whatsoever,

but there we are. I mean, even if two people give up,

then it's been a worthwhile exercise.

Jesus Christ, I'm freezing, I'm proper shivering.

I'm telling you, I'll be off tomorrow with hypothermia.

Nev has spent the last few weeks belt tightening

and trying unsuccessfully to secure new business.

It was always looming on the horizon,

but we knew that the grant was coming to an end.

We kept it going as long as we can.

It finishes tomorrow.

Today he has called a meeting with his deputy Ben

and Simon from HR, to discuss the only option that remains.

We've got to cut back.

Yeah. Tough time.

If I'm honest, the way the business has been run

over the last four years, really,

we've given a lot of people more than enough opportunity

to perform, probably more so than any other, you know, call centre

but obviously now is a time to tighten up and make sure that

we're able to hit the sales figures that we need to per head.

Yeah, the bottom line is we are a sales organisation,

we are a business and we have to perform, we get paid by results,

the same as any other business.

So, tough decision.

We are going to be letting go of a lot of people,

that in a year's time would have been very good sales people,

and, you know, it's...

There's families involved, you know, some of them have partners...

It...it's shit.

I'm aching from ice skating.

So my legs are hurting so I need to just sit down,

so, I can use my trolley and sit down, can't I?

Yeah, I'll bring squash now.

It's December, but with no idea what Nev is planning,

all the talk on the sales floor

is about what they'll be buying each other for Christmas.

I'm going to get Paul lube, Vaseline.

I don't think he'll find it funny. Tough, he'll have to find it funny.

It's my joke, so I'll find it funny even if he doesn't.

You know the thing you get?

That gel that tickles your... SHE WHISTLES

That's what I'm getting.

Have you tried it before? No, I haven't.

Maybe it should come with instructions

in case he doesn't know what to do.

This is what I bought my friend for Christmas.

I got it from Ann Summers the other day and, well,

she can do what she wants with it. But you can't put it up your bum.

It's not allowed cos it's not for anal consumption or something.

And it's waterproof as well.

And... And I'm going to wrap it up for her.

I'll put it in a box and wrap it up

and I'm going to write on it, "Merry Jizz-mas."

She's got her foof pierced. Why don't you buy her different rings?

That's fucking disgusting.

Well, she has.

No. That's just weird.

"Oh, yeah, Merry Christmas, here's a foof ring." No.

I just can't do it. Like, it's too far.

Hello, you're through to Nationwide Energy, Chelsea speaking, how can I help?

Corey and Chloe have put their plans to move in together on hold.

It seems their relationship may have hit rocky ground.

Are you going to get her something for Christmas?

What? Are you going to get her anything for Christmas?

Er, I probably will, I don't know what I'll get her. You haven't

thought yet? I don't know, I don't know if I will, it depends if

I'm speaking to her by then. What do you mean you don't know if you will?

I'm not buying it just in case I don't speak to her by then.

You've got to buy her something, you can't not get her anything.

If I'm going to buy her something, it'll be like two days before.

Last-minute shopping, is it?

Yeah, otherwise she's not having anything.

Shaun has had a Christmas present come early.

Hello. You all right?

You OK? Yeah. How are you?

He impressed at his rugby trial and they're keen to take a second look.

Oh, my God, well done! Thank you, babe.

Oh! So going off, you, up into stardom?

Maybe, hopefully now.

There we are. Keep your head down now,

play the way you are. Oh, well done.

Thank you. Well done, I'm really proud of you.

So what does this mean, have you got a...?

Just need to wait now for a phone call

and, er, we'll see where we go from there. That's it? Yeah.

Don't forget me now, when you get all big and famous.

No, I won't. Otherwise I'll kick you in the nuts.

All right, babe, well done. Thank you.

I'll speak to you later. Bye!

It's going to be quite a juggling act, it's a big opportunity.

I've been working for this for the last three to four years now

and it's kind of come to a loggerhead now, this big moment,

it's my time to shine and hopefully I'll be able to perform on stage.

It's four years since Nev opened his doors for business.

Now, after weeks of trying but failing to clinch

a cash-generating deal, Nev faces the day he'd hoped would never come.

It is bad news, you know,

if you've got to see somebody that you've known and loved for a while

and all of a suddenly they haven't got a job, um, you know,

they've got to feed themselves and possibly their families.

So, you know, to cut back it is...

It's going to hurt, it's going to hurt a lot.

It's call centre manager Thorpey's job to tell the staff

that their services are no longer required.

We've been putting together a list, if you like,

of names of people who will no longer stay in the company.

Just gutted.

As more and more people are pulled in for the dreaded chat,

uneasiness on the floor grows.

I'm not too sure what's going on, to be honest.

People are obviously being asked to come off the phones, er...

I don't know, really, to go and speak, I don't know where

they've disappeared to, but they haven't come back

so I'm guessing they've been let go or something, I'm not too sure.

Everybody's walking out, like, where they've been sacked.

Smoker Rachel hopes her prolonged fag breaks

haven't put her in the firing line.

When people are going, it's the worst thing ever.

Honestly, you're sitting there and your heart is going,

but you know that you're doing well, and you know what you're doing

is right and then you see one of them walk past

and you think, "Go past me, go past me, don't stop, don't stop,"

and honestly, it was scary, you know.

People are just getting up and going, it was mad.

It was, it was really upsetting, actually.

It's always a very difficult thing to do,

but I justify it to myself in that it has to be done.

It really has to be done,

so you can't get too emotionally attached with it,

and you have to be realistic about it,

in that if we don't do it,

then everyone in the call centre, everyone's job is in jeopardy.

Unfortunately, 17-year-old Aiden wasn't able to improve his sales

and is one of the agents being let go.

Aiden was an unfortunate case, really.

I mean, he's only a young boy,

17 years old, first proper job that he's had.

I asked him a question in the training,

whether he'd actually buy loft and cavity wall insulation from himself.

He answered no, you know,

so unfortunately a hell of a nice guy, a young boy,

really wanted to do well, but it wasn't his environment.

You know, we tried.

My role isn't necessarily to be liked in the call centre,

but just to give you an indication, you know,

everyone we've spoken to this morning has totally understood it.

I'm fucking gobsmacked. Sorry. I am fucking gobsmacked.

This guy is good at what he does.

And Shaun's success on the rugby pitch

wasn't replicated on the sales floor.

My sales, I think it's a target of five a week

and obviously I was just coming below that with fours or threes,

so probably that's why they've had to let me go.

A bit disappointed, really.

Obviously, it's not nice for anybody to be laid off,

but now obviously I just got to get up

and get on with it and be positive about it rather than negative.

Fortunately, I have still got my job,

but I felt really sorry for him because, you know, he's obviously

working hard with his rugby career as well, and obviously

then coming into work and having to do a sales job,

it's tough, but unfortunately he lost his job, I'm gutted for him.

Poor Shaun.

On the scale of one to shit, it's shit, you know.

To get rid of people hurts, you know?

You know, I look after the people that work here.

It isn't just, you know, do it or bugger off.

We've encouraged them, we've trained them.

There's been at least three months' worth of encouragement

and training gone into these people.

I know everyone, I go around everyone,

and there was like five people sacked from the sales floor.

Five people sacked from admin,

five people sacked from customer services.

I go around everyone, I knew a few people had been sacked

and I was like, "Oh!" It was sad, like, you see them every day

and I didn't get to say goodbye to them, like,

and that is sad, and I did lose a few good mates, you know.

Mates that I'd have banter with, mates that I'd look forward

to seeing them on a Monday and having a chat to.

You know, it's horrible when anyone gets sacked, innit?

And yet another casualty of the cuts is body builder Corey

who was unable to lift his sales.

We had to let Corey go.

Ultimately, all it boils down to is if people aren't selling,

they're not going stay in a sales company.

It's as simple as that.

Obviously, it was a big deal, because I lost my job

and I didn't have anything else to do, but you know,

everything works out in the end,

you just have to find something else at the end of the day

and I don't really want to work in a call centre my whole life.

Maybe Corey concentrated on other aspects of his life

and not his sales technique.

This doesn't really matter to me. Life goes on.

While Corey's job may have ended in the sack,

the same can't be said of his relationship with Chloe.

I'm not in touch with Corey at all.

We've just, like, drifted apart.

The plan was we were going to move in together at one point

but it just didn't work out so we didn't bother moving in together.

I don't think I could stand living with that girl, to be honest.

I'm just going to enjoy with the girls and maybe go on holiday,

have a girlie holiday and just go out and enjoy really,

and then if I meet somebody, then I meet somebody

but I'm not looking for it.

You get better Barbies than Chloe, anyway.

I mean, she's a good-looking girl, like,

but she's not the best-looking girl I've ever had.

Chloe probably won't get a better-looking boy than me,

to be fair to her,

because I'm probably the best Chloe could get.

# You've got the words to change a nation

# But you're biting your tongue

# You've spent a lifetime stuck in silence

# Afraid you'll say something wrong... #

It's been a tough few weeks for Nev

and he seeks solace in a rehearsal for the call centre's house band.

# I wanna sing

# I wanna shout

# I wanna scream till the words dry out... #

I don't think there's any business that never has any hiccups.

You know, you have peaks and troughs,

that happens, but as long as the graph is going

in the general direction of an upward climb, then you're OK.

# Put it in all of the papers

# I'm not afraid

# They can read all about it

# Read all about it... #

You know, a few doors slam in your face,

the next one you're determined is going to open.

If it slams in your face, what do you do?

Do you give up? You keep knocking and something will open.

# This girl is on fire! #

Next time, it's no joke as Nev's managers try to lift

the mood with some cracking incentives.

CHEERING

I try and get results through comedy.

Love is in the air for tea girl Hayley.

"Roses are red, violets are blue,

"I'm shit at poems so get your tits out. Love you, babe. Trev."

And Nev looks to John Wayne for inspiration.

If you haven't fallen off your horse, you haven't been riding long enough.

Get back on the horse and ride.

That didn't work.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd