Be Cats, Not Mice The Call Centre


Be Cats, Not Mice

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Just giving a call-up to help lower the cost of your energy bills.

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Are you the bill payer? MAN ON PHONE: I am.

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Nev Wilshire is CEO of Swansea's third largest call centre.

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Get out, get out!

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What sums up my management style? Some say I'm barking orders,

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'some say I'm barking mad.'

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Woof. Oh, sorry.

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But there's life in the old dog yet.

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DOG BARKS OVER PHONE

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'Not again, not again.'

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It's an industry that now employs over a million people

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in the UK with an average age of just 26.

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'Oh, piss off.'

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Call centres are the factories of our time.

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Get these deals, make these calls, that's what I'm talking about.

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I think I just dialled your missus by mistake.

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But times have been tough.

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A few years ago the Queen had an annus "horribis" - a horrible year.

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We've had an annus anus...

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it's been tough.

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Go on.

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Don't yawn.

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More than ever,

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Nev's relied on his unique approach to motivating his young work force.

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Oh, Johnny!

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Now he's fighting back...

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See, that's what you've got to beat.

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We're making money again now, yeah. Go for it then.

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..with his loyal troops right behind him.

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Our main challenge in HR is...

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Hey, Jeff, you're looking good.

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I was going to say Nev then, don't say that.

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Morale is on the up...

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CHEERING Yeah!

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..for this Swansea call centre,

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where victory is only a cold call away.

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Are you not entertained?

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What's it like to be in charge of 600 people?

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It's an endurance, sometimes it's a marathon,

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sometimes you have to sprint to keep up,

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but I love it, absolutely love it.

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Welcome to Nev's world.

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In Swansea, it's summer time

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and the call centre is sweltering in the heat.

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We need fans we do, we haven't got many fans in here.

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Oh, I dunno.

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My make-up's melting now. Ooft.

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Some staff are getting hot under the collar.

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Have you heard of the incentives available for solar?

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WOMAN ON PHONE: 'Yeah.'

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The Government need the country to be more green by,

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they've given us a target of 2020. If that's not done obviously

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we're going to get, hmm, they're going to get, er...

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WOMAN: Hello.

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I just flat-out just choked on a call.

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I couldn't think of a word.

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Shit.

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Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

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Luckily, CEO Nev Wilshire's on hand to maintain the higher

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standards on the sales floor.

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On your feet, get on your feet. Get on your feet.

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Sell standing up, come on, pace around now. I don't want to.

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IMITATING HER: "I don't want to."

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Loosen up, loosen up. Have you loosened up?

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No.

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Give it one of these, brrr. Brrr.

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Come on!

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No, I can't do that.

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I'm going to kick you up the arse in a minute.

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Don't you do that, I'm sensitive. Come on then, let's get in it.

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I'm with it, I'm doing it. Hello?

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Hello, I'm Rachel, I'm calling from Save Britain Money

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and we're offering a way to save you money on electricity bills.

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She's engaged, she's engaged. She's all right, up and running.

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It means that you don't have to...

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Up and running.

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She's on a sale.

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Nev spent years working 24/7 to build up his call centre empire.

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But sometimes even high-powered businessmen need a break.

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Holidays? Er, last year, I managed to squeeze in one week.

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Needless to say,

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I take my laptop with me and the mobile phone is on all the time,

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so, yeah, never away from it totally,

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but as you get bigger and you've got more of a management structure,

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then it is easier to take a little bit of time off.

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During his week away,

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Nev's leaving his empire in the hands of his brightest and best -

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maverick shift manager Twe and his son, Phil.

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So I'm going on holiday, right, and here's the hat to prove it.

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This is the holiday hat, the much-travelled holiday hat. OK.

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This has been around the world. Yeah, it's a nice hat.

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Well, it's been to Tenby anyway.

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It's a nice hat. It is a good hat, isn't it? Yeah.

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OK, so while I'm away,

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it's vital that we hit our next target for September,

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so make sure that you keep driving it.

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Keep people happy, keep the motivation going.

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Keep the beat going? Do you care? Keep the sweets flowing.

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As you know, when the cat's away, the mice will play.

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Don't be mice. Be cats. Right.

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Be fellow cats, right?

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Do not take the piss while I'm away, right,

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cos I will have eyes and ears everywhere. Uh-huh. OK.

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Now, rearrange this well-known phrase or saying -

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Off...bugger.

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I think I get the message. Cheers, thanks, Nev. Thanks.

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Thanks for coming in. See you again. Thanks, son.

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Enjoy your holiday, Nev. Bring back something nice.

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I'll try my very best. I'll bring you back some rock.

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If we don't set the building on fire, I think he'll be thrilled.

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Yeah.

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I think that was his polite way of saying no practical jokes or

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anything like that while he's away and just create an emphasis

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to make sure that there's still a business here when he gets back.

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Yeah, bit daunting going away.

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Most people would really look forward to it.

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Sometimes I shit myself when I'm going away,

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thinking of leaving it to Twe and Phil and it's what we said,

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you know, surround yourself with good people and the rest is easy.

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I just need to find some good people now and away we go.

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Nev's not the only one taking a well-earned break

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from the call centre.

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Nev's tea trolley queen Hayley

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But busting a gut while the boss is away isn't on everyone's agenda.

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I think it's a bit more relaxed when he's not here.

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When the big boss goes, people just feel like oh.

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Like they're not on edge as much.

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# So wake me up when it's all over. #

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These are my decks. Friday, we have the decks out. Oh!

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They're cool, aren't they? Like decks on a Friday.

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One person who won't be resting on their laurels in Nev's absence

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is his dedicated shift manager, Twe.

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'Nev going on holiday means that every person in the company

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'has to step up and show what they can do when the boss is away.'

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You know, over this next week,

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I just want you guys to get used to this new product.

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'I look up to Nev massively and I've got the same ambitions'

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that Nev had when he was my age.

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I think when Nev was my age, he was starting his own heating business

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and he was a millionaire

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and that's where I want to be in five years' time, you know.

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Is that cool? Who'd have thought?

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Let's get it on, let's go down by here. Pen and papers. Yes, please.

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Er, it's Jen calling from Save Britain Money.

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Have you ever looked at solar panels before, sir?

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PHONE HANGS UP

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Or you can just hang up on me.

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Just back from a long holiday is sales agent Jennie who's been

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a key player in Nev's call centre family for the past two years.

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I went away to Bulgaria for three months,

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basically just repping, bar crawls, partying.

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You name it, we done it.

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Just to get an experience really

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and now I'm back in the call centre.

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But since her return, 21-year-old Jennie

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is struggling to shake the holiday hangover.

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Another reason why I called back is

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because there's a new company incentive.

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OK, well, even if... PHONE HANGS UP

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Phew, I'm going to flip now in a minute.

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'It just catches up with you'

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but I think I've drunk so much out there, all my...

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What do you call them now?

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Brain cells and stuff,

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they've all just disintegrated and I can't concentrate on anything.

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My liver's packed in. When I cough, it hurts.

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I think it's my liver anyway.

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I just can't concentrate.

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And it's not just Jennie's brain cells that are on the slide.

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So how are you on one deal today?

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Because all of... And like Rachel's on five. Sean's on four.

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That's good for Sean.

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I mean, I have been trying.

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So what's happened? Have you just been unlucky? Yeah, like always.

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With Nev on a plane to Hawaii,

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it's up to Twe to re-energise Jennie in his own unique way.

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'My management style is a bit different to other people's.

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'I do try and get the best through'

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having a laugh and having a very motivationally-creative sales talk.

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All right, we come in here, bring in a lot of rotten fruit,

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veg and eggs cos I'll give you guys a bit of an early finish as well.

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We'll just throw it at the rest of the sales guys

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and then run the BLEEP out of here. Yeah.

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You'd like that, wouldn't you?

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'But, you know, there's a line in the sand.

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'You can have humour up until that, but then if results aren't coming in'

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and people still expect to mess around and have lots of banter,

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then they're fundamentally wrong.

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Do you want to just help yourself to a seat, Jen?

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Ah, so how's things?

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Not too bad.

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Not too bad? Hmm.

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What do you mean by "not too bad?"

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Just struggling in sales at the minute. I've lost me touch.

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Why do you think you're struggling?

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I think I'm just burnt out.

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Burnt out?

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You do realise you had three months off in the summer,

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don't you? And you're burnt out?

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I don't know what it is.

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I know I can sell and I know I can do it, it's just, I dunno,

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I've tried every angle, I've looked at every script

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and it's just not working. OK.

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You were a top seller a few months ago before you went to Bulgaria,

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drunk yourself dry over what, three months,

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every night for three months?

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I haven't seen one ounce of the personality that you had

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since you've come back. I left it in Bulgaria by accident.

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Yeah, no, you've pissed it up, pissed it away, you have.

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All your personality.

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But having worked with Nev for over five years,

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Twe's got a few motivational tricks up his sleeve.

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OK, first things first.

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I'm going to talk to you about perception, OK?

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From five o'clock to six o'clock tonight,

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you watch a wildlife programme based on lions

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and how lions survive in the wild.

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Now, lions eat gazelles, OK, lions eat gazelles.

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LAUGHING: Lions eat gazelles.

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Listen, hear me out. Listen to this, lions eat gazelles. Yeah.

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So there's a little lion cub, it hasn't eaten for a week, OK?

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And you're on the side of the lion cub because that's your perception.

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So, you want the mother to kill the gazelle.

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But guess what, once that programme ends, from six till seven,

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you're then watching a programme about gazelles

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and you're thinking, "Oh, BLEEP. Go on, little gazelle,

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"get away from that lion."

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Why? Because 60 minutes previous, you wanted that gazelle to be dead,

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cos that was your perception.

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You know, your perception's in your head.

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It's not in anyone else's head and you need to change it.

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Getting sales is very much like making a suit.

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You've got to tailor your pitch and your management style to that

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person depending on how that suit will fit them,

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and you can be loud, brash and get things done through comedy

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or the flip side of that coin is, you've got to, you know,

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sit down and be quite timid and quite educational with people.

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So what are you? A lion or gazelle?

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An ant. A what?

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An ant. An ant?

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The process of managing through analogies, hmm, manalogement.

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The only thing I ask is that you be a bit open-minded

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and turn that frown upside down.

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It's hard, do you know what I mean?

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When, yeah, you've had these pep talks,

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you've put yourself in a situation where you think,

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"Right, PMA, Positive Mental Attitude.

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"I'm going to get it this time."

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And there's only so many times you've been knocked back

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before you're just fed up and can't be arsed any more.

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Do you know what I mean?

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As much as I want to believe...

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I'm not, I do believe...

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No, I don't. That's it, I don't believe it.

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I don't believe I can do it any more, so I have given up.

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While Twe's trying to raise morale,

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Phil's keen to use Nev's absence as a chance to shine.

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'This business means a hell of a lot to all of us'

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and, you know, to Nev because it's his

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and to me because this is going to be mine,

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so if I make an error, it can have massive ripple effects.

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Right, so we've got some mammoth targets to hit now in September,

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so we've decided that we're going to take the call centre on the road

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using the Nev bus.

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We're going to go street to street and try and find the people

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who want cavity or loft insulation for free.

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Pretty positive someone will draw a moustache on him

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or deface him in some sort of way.

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You know, I think it will be well received,

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so I think we'll get some good sales out of it.

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Phil's chosen his trustee lieutenants Twe and Dwain

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to lead the off-site sales drive.

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What is it, and why? What is it? It's a Nev bus.

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I like it.

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Yeah.

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THEY LAUGH

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Basically, we're going to try and fill it up with canvassers. Right.

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And get people out in the field, selling door to door,

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using the brand Nev.

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Come on you, guys, come on in.

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This is where the action is.

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Phil's taking a dozen of the call centre's top sellers

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off the phones and onto the Nev bus

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and Hayley's jumped at the chance to abandon her tea urns

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and get out in the sun.

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Let's roll.

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Ready? Yeah.

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Let's go.

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I want to go on the Nev bus.

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It looks like fun.

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I think they'll enjoy it.

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It's better than sitting in an office all day, it's gross.

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Back at base, with the cats away,

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it doesn't take long for the mice to play.

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Yeah, look at that one.

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Hello?

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Ah, this will brighten up the day.

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We should do loads of them and stick them on the ceiling.

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THEY LAUGH

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This is how productive my day is. Oh, shit.

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I'm way too hung-over - all I can think about is feeling,

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just being sick.

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I'm really sorry, I'm really sorry.

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Phil's master-plan to boost profits

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is to drive a hit squad of top sellers across town

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to the affluent Mumbles Bay.

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OK, Hayles, are you ready? Yeah.

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OK. I'm nervous and I'm only giving out sweets.

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It's...a high income area. It's posh, it's too posh for me.

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Yeah, will you tone it down a bit around here?

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Hello there, my name's Steve, I'm part of the Save Britain Money Group.

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Have you had all your wall insulation done at all, or...?

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WOMAN: Oh, no. Is that something you would be interested in?

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No? All right, no problem.

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But in the hot Swansea sun, the team make a slow start.

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Er, today, in total, zero.

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And as the day goes on,

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the door-to-door sales drive is proving harder than Phil thought.

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We've knocked a few, haven't we? Yeah, we've done a few.

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Yeah, we've done a few.

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All done. All done round here, yeah? All done, yeah. No luck.

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Everyone's been done. Right. So we'll move on then.

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Particularly at the top. Yeah.

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All right. Let's go.

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Thanks very much. All right, bye. Take care. Bye-bye.

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Someone took a sweet off me anyway.

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Yeah, but they didn't sign up, did they?

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I couldn't interest you in a free survey as well to get

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that looked at?

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WOMAN: No. Right, not a problem at all.

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Thank you very much for your time and all the best to you, all right.

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I just felt like a bit of a twat, standing there. OK, sweet.

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Do you know what I mean? I was just, I don't know what to do,

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I feel like, I feel stupid walking around.

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I need more...

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I don't know. This is a very posh area as well,

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so I don't think, I don't think I fit in up here.

0:17:470:17:50

Yeah, that was just a pointless conversation as well because...

0:17:520:17:57

SHE LAUGHS

0:17:570:17:59

I'm not even lying, there's wasps all over me!

0:17:590:18:01

Right, come on. There's wasps, there's wasps!

0:18:010:18:04

Trust me, he's gone. There's a BLEEP wasp on me.

0:18:040:18:07

I'm not even lying, there's a wasp on me. It's gone.

0:18:080:18:11

It's on my face!

0:18:110:18:13

Right. Oh, BLEEP this, guys.

0:18:170:18:18

It's following me, look at it chasing me.

0:18:180:18:20

That's not even funny.

0:18:200:18:22

Oh, my God. Right, come on.

0:18:220:18:25

How can we look professional when there's wasps chasing us?

0:18:250:18:29

I know, come on, Dwain's team have already done this, I think.

0:18:290:18:31

Have they, they've had one?

0:18:310:18:32

No, they've gone all the way up there.

0:18:320:18:34

There's wasps following us now.

0:18:340:18:36

HE GROANS

0:18:410:18:42

Without Twe to raise spirits and Nev still on holiday,

0:18:420:18:46

those remaining at the call centre are a little lacklustre.

0:18:460:18:49

It's a bit weird him not being here, his loud mouth shouting up and

0:18:490:18:52

down the floor, but, you know, yeah, it's a lot quieter, I must admit.

0:18:520:18:57

It's dead in here actually. It's like a bloody morgue.

0:18:570:19:00

I don't know what's going on today.

0:19:000:19:03

Luckily, he's back to re-inject the mojo.

0:19:030:19:07

OK, guys, Twe's back!

0:19:070:19:08

Or is he?

0:19:100:19:12

Come on, guys.

0:19:120:19:13

Come on, guys, get back on the phones, dialling.

0:19:130:19:15

Is that cool? Brilliant.

0:19:150:19:18

THEY LAUGH

0:19:180:19:20

Is that cool? Is that cool?

0:19:200:19:22

Beautiful, beautiful. Is that cool?

0:19:220:19:27

Let's get it on.

0:19:270:19:29

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

0:19:310:19:34

Back in the field, Phil's door-to-door sales drive

0:19:400:19:43

isn't proving the instant success he hoped.

0:19:430:19:46

Well, we've had a few...couple of interests.

0:19:460:19:49

So, yeah, we're just trying to find the ones that haven't been done yet.

0:19:490:19:54

And in the face of adversity, Phil's decided to beat a retreat.

0:19:540:19:59

I'm going to head off, so make sure the guys keep it up. Yeah.

0:19:590:20:03

We almost had one, but it didn't work out.

0:20:030:20:06

Keep up the good work, mate.

0:20:060:20:08

With a bit of luck, we'll get some results out here now.

0:20:080:20:10

Yeah, superb. And if they haven't been done, we'll get them done.

0:20:100:20:13

Good man, good man. Right. Right, keep it up. Take it easy, all right?

0:20:130:20:16

Despite being asked to keep business on track by his dad,

0:20:160:20:19

the commercial director has a bombshell to drop.

0:20:190:20:21

For the rest of the week, I am now on holiday,

0:20:210:20:24

so I'm going abroad now, so hmm, yeah, I'm going

0:20:240:20:27

to leave it in the capable hands of Twe and Dwain.

0:20:270:20:31

The safe, safe hands, hmm.

0:20:340:20:36

So, yeah, I'm off now, so I'll be back...

0:20:360:20:40

I'm on the end of a mobile, I've got my e-mails,

0:20:400:20:42

so I'll find the scores whilst I'm away. All right?

0:20:420:20:47

But while Phil may have disappeared, Twe's problems haven't.

0:20:570:21:02

TWE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY

0:21:040:21:06

Right, come on then, let's go.

0:21:060:21:08

It can be dangerous, you know, lions, tigers,

0:21:080:21:10

all forms of wildlife.

0:21:100:21:12

With their tails between their legs, Twe's team call it a day

0:21:140:21:17

and head for home.

0:21:170:21:19

With Phil on a fast track to a sun lounger,

0:21:260:21:28

Twe is now sailing the sales ship alone.

0:21:280:21:32

To add to the pressure,

0:21:320:21:33

a certain CEO has called in for a company progress update.

0:21:330:21:37

Got a call with Nev,

0:21:370:21:39

probably to rub in how much of a nice time he's having.

0:21:390:21:42

He'll probably question why Phil has sent me in the field,

0:21:420:21:45

instead of being in the call centre.

0:21:450:21:47

I'm still waiting for an answer on that one,

0:21:470:21:50

so he's going to have to wait for the answer off Phil

0:21:500:21:53

except Phil's in Egypt.

0:21:530:21:54

So he's going to have to wait another two weeks for that answer.

0:21:540:21:57

Nev doesn't know that we've been going out in the field

0:21:570:22:00

actually seeing customers.

0:22:000:22:02

NEV ON PHONE: 'Twe.' Hello, what's going on, Nev?

0:22:030:22:07

I'm all the better for seeing your ugly mug.

0:22:070:22:09

Ah, lovely. It looks... Not.

0:22:090:22:11

It looks like you're having a nice time.

0:22:110:22:13

That's a nice shirt. It looks like my nan's curtains.

0:22:130:22:17

Really?

0:22:170:22:19

Ah, you're jealous, Twe. Yeah.

0:22:190:22:22

Anyway, er, what's happening back at the ranch?

0:22:220:22:25

Well, you know you told us to look after the call centre?

0:22:250:22:29

Yes. I haven't been here the last few days.

0:22:290:22:32

Yes. We've been in the field knocking doors.

0:22:320:22:34

Right.

0:22:400:22:42

So basically my instructions just weren't followed at all?

0:22:420:22:46

Hmm, it was...

0:22:460:22:48

So everybody was out knocking doors?

0:22:480:22:51

It was an executive decision to force us to do it by Phil.

0:22:510:22:57

Where is Phil now?

0:22:580:23:00

TWE LAUGHS

0:23:000:23:02

Phil's in Egypt.

0:23:020:23:04

Really?

0:23:060:23:07

Phil's gone to Egypt.

0:23:070:23:09

I see.

0:23:090:23:10

Right.

0:23:120:23:14

So both of you have abandoned your posts?

0:23:140:23:17

No, I was at, I wanted to stay in the call centre.

0:23:170:23:20

If this had happened to Napoleon, by now, you would be shot.

0:23:200:23:25

Right, yeah.

0:23:250:23:28

All right, I'm going to have to go, Twe, the battery's going.

0:23:300:23:32

All right, no worries. Have a nice holiday, Nev.

0:23:320:23:35

Have a nice holiday. See you next week.

0:23:350:23:37

See you next week. Ta-ta.

0:23:370:23:38

Ah, so, whose decision was it to send me in the field then,

0:23:410:23:46

that I get shit for and now he's gone to Egypt? Thanks, Phil.

0:23:460:23:50

HE SIGHS

0:23:510:23:52

The door-knocking team are back at the call centre but Hayley's still

0:23:570:24:00

getting distracted from covering the absent tea lady's round.

0:24:000:24:04

No wonder Nev jumps in the air where there's a gap,

0:24:050:24:08

and it looks good where people just click.

0:24:080:24:12

Did I do it? Did I do it?

0:24:190:24:21

So for the sales agents in the other building, it's self-service.

0:24:210:24:25

Trying to fend for ourselves, stirring coffee with a fork.

0:24:260:24:30

Using cups instead of spoons for measuring.

0:24:300:24:35

How do you do it?

0:24:350:24:36

You know people flick their legs in the air at the same time.

0:24:380:24:41

Doing acrobats.

0:24:450:24:47

With his ears still ringing from Nev's video call,

0:24:520:24:55

Twe's banking on his trade mark motivational skills to get

0:24:550:24:58

the call centre back up to speed.

0:24:580:25:00

Looking at the board, I know you're struggling

0:25:000:25:02

so I've got a little bit of motivation for you.

0:25:020:25:05

Take that, play with that as much as you want,

0:25:050:25:08

but, let's get some deals out of it. All right, champ?

0:25:080:25:12

Twe has given Festja a little motivational tool.

0:25:120:25:17

So, as you can see,

0:25:170:25:19

it's all women with their boobs out.

0:25:190:25:21

Well, they haven't got them out but, you know, they might as well

0:25:210:25:24

have them out, so since he's given this to Festja,

0:25:240:25:27

like it goes all different ways,

0:25:270:25:29

Festja seems to have a bit more motivation, but obviously

0:25:290:25:31

I'm not very impressed because I haven't got anything like that so

0:25:310:25:34

I'm going to have to make something for me with all men on it, I think.

0:25:340:25:39

Twe's also still keeping tabs on Jennie but it seems some issues

0:25:390:25:43

will take more than a bit of eye candy to solve.

0:25:430:25:46

Was it yourself I spoke to last week?

0:25:460:25:50

WOMAN ON PHONE: No, I don't know anything about this.

0:25:500:25:52

All right, so you haven't looked at solar energy before?

0:25:520:25:56

I have but I'm going to have to leave it

0:25:560:25:58

because I'm thinking about selling the house.

0:25:580:26:01

Jennie's just having one of them days

0:26:010:26:03

when she's feeling very down.

0:26:030:26:05

She hates everyone, hates everything,

0:26:050:26:07

hates this job, hates speaking to people, hates the phones.

0:26:070:26:11

Everyone has them days, everyone.

0:26:110:26:13

Hi, it's Jen calling from Nationwide Energy Services,

0:26:130:26:16

the company who surveys... MAN: Not again, not again.

0:26:160:26:19

When you're sitting down, day in, day out, doing the same thing,

0:26:190:26:23

looking at the same wall every single day,

0:26:230:26:26

I think it can get you mentally, you know.

0:26:260:26:28

Could you knock me off the list?

0:26:280:26:30

Yeah, that's fine, no problem. Thanks. Thank you.

0:26:300:26:33

Determined to get Jennie back on track,

0:26:390:26:41

Twe's called her in for an early morning sales masterclass.

0:26:410:26:45

Er, I'm making two coffees this morning -

0:26:450:26:47

one for myself, one for Jennie.

0:26:470:26:50

She's due in in 16 seconds.

0:26:500:26:53

But it looks like poor Twe has been stood up.

0:26:530:26:56

It's not about coming in three minutes early

0:26:560:26:59

or any prescribed amount of time early,

0:26:590:27:02

it's the fact that she needed help with sales and I'm willing to come

0:27:020:27:06

in early and invest my time and my effort and my energy into trying

0:27:060:27:11

to earn her commission, and she can't be bloody bothered to turn in.

0:27:110:27:16

Ten minutes early. Rob, what time were you in this morning?

0:27:220:27:25

Yeah, but you come in a good bit early, don't you,

0:27:250:27:28

to get your shit sorted?

0:27:280:27:30

Do you really think I've got ten minutes to give you every morning,

0:27:300:27:35

just to give you pitch practice and stuff like that, because I don't.

0:27:350:27:40

Oh, yeah, I've got pitch practice, have I?

0:27:400:27:42

Yeah, you had it, 25 minutes ago? 22 minutes ago.

0:27:420:27:46

I tried but...

0:27:460:27:47

OK, well, obviously, you don't need my help

0:27:470:27:50

doing pitch practice and stuff like that,

0:27:500:27:53

so I know you finished on zero yesterday. Yeah.

0:27:530:28:00

I know, but I tried my hardest. Jen, I've done talking with you.

0:28:000:28:07

I needed to be in half an hour early but I tried my best.

0:28:070:28:12

I did, I tried my best.

0:28:120:28:14

With her call centre career in free fall,

0:28:140:28:16

Jennie turns to best friend Hayley for advice.

0:28:160:28:19

When I was on the phones and I weren't getting deals,

0:28:190:28:22

you feel pressured and it pisses you off, don't it,

0:28:220:28:24

cos you know you can do it and you've done it before.

0:28:240:28:27

That's what's so frustrating, cos I used to smash them up before.

0:28:270:28:30

Like, as I said, deals are worth trying,

0:28:300:28:33

but now because it's like shit, we're not getting deals, you,

0:28:330:28:37

you try them all and you're just getting more pissed off.

0:28:370:28:41

I don't know. I don't know. Just...

0:28:420:28:44

Monday morning at the call centre and while Phil is still on holiday,

0:28:510:28:55

Twe's preparing for the big boss's return.

0:28:550:28:58

Let's make this first shift an absolutely rocking one

0:28:580:29:01

and let's show Nev what we, what we're capable of doing.

0:29:010:29:04

Is that cool?

0:29:040:29:05

Nev's back from Hawaii

0:29:050:29:07

and on his way in to see how they've coped without him.

0:29:070:29:10

Before I went, I was thinking, "Oh, boy

0:29:100:29:13

"can I afford to leave this," you know,

0:29:130:29:16

with everything that's going on, and coming back and it's...

0:29:160:29:23

Feeling trepidation, what am I about to get hit with today?

0:29:230:29:28

Nev's a tough guy to please.

0:29:280:29:30

Do I think he'll be happy with the job I've done?

0:29:300:29:32

No, I think he'll kick me up the arse

0:29:320:29:34

but that's all part of Nev's charm.

0:29:340:29:38

When there's things to be done, I prefer to be in there doing them,

0:29:380:29:41

rather than being on holiday, but it is nice to have a break,

0:29:410:29:46

it's nice to go and catch a bit of sun,

0:29:460:29:48

but we've got work to do, we've got a lot of work to do.

0:29:480:29:54

Twe buggers off on the van, Phil buggers off on holiday

0:29:550:30:00

and everything is all over the place.

0:30:000:30:03

Here we go.

0:30:060:30:08

Morning.

0:30:170:30:19

Let's go and see what's happened.

0:30:200:30:22

Oh, shit.

0:30:260:30:28

Nothing that can't be sorted.

0:30:310:30:34

How much could they cock up in a week?

0:30:340:30:37

Oh, no.

0:30:370:30:39

HE CHUCKLES

0:30:390:30:40

Nev wants to get to the bottom of Phil's door-to-door day out,

0:30:400:30:44

but as his son's conveniently absent, Twe is carrying the can.

0:30:440:30:49

Twe, we need a meeting.

0:30:490:30:51

I need a bus, I need a bus meeting.

0:30:520:30:55

With Ben, with you, with Gherkin, with anybody,

0:30:570:31:00

I want to find out who's surveying behind the bus,

0:31:010:31:03

I want to know everything about it.

0:31:030:31:05

I can't believe Phil has gone on holiday and left, you know,

0:31:050:31:08

the same time I was on holiday.

0:31:080:31:10

I want a meeting, I want to sort it out. All right?

0:31:100:31:12

Ten o'clock would be bloody marvellous.

0:31:120:31:14

I'll see you at ten.

0:31:140:31:16

Nev's senior management team is ready to face the music,

0:31:160:31:19

apart from the acting conductor, that is.

0:31:190:31:22

Supposed to be there about ten minutes ago.

0:31:220:31:26

You haven't seen Ben, have you?

0:31:260:31:29

Where to? Upstairs? 'Top floor, yeah.'

0:31:290:31:32

Oh, right. Cheers, love.

0:31:320:31:35

You haven't seen Ben or Nev, have you?

0:31:500:31:52

Yeah, he's still in a meeting downstairs.

0:31:520:31:54

Oh, downstairs, is it?

0:31:540:31:56

'I left Phil and Twe in charge and they've abandoned their posts.

0:31:560:32:01

'It's a lack of direction, a lack of oversee and a lack of management

0:32:010:32:05

'so you don't shout at the Indians, you shout at the chief.'

0:32:050:32:09

I can't shout at Phil cos he's gone to Egypt

0:32:090:32:12

where he's still sunning himself.

0:32:120:32:15

So, Twe is here so I'll yank him in and growl at him.

0:32:150:32:21

Hiya.

0:32:250:32:26

Sorry, I was trying to find...

0:32:260:32:29

Sorry, I was just on my way over and I didn't know

0:32:290:32:31

if you were upstairs, downstairs or...

0:32:310:32:34

Sorry, Nev, how was your holiday? It was fantastic. Fantastic.

0:32:340:32:39

Couple of basics, right,

0:32:430:32:46

that seem to be going awry with the bus.

0:32:460:32:49

Before we go rushing in to anything, we've got to start thinking.

0:32:490:32:53

Plan it, think it, bring it all together.

0:32:530:32:57

A team of what, 20 people,

0:32:570:32:59

18 people on a bus for three hours?

0:32:590:33:03

Think of the time and the wages just on that.

0:33:040:33:07

All that diesel and all those hours of wasted time.

0:33:070:33:11

An absolute howler of a call, howler.

0:33:110:33:14

Time behind the wheel of the bus - you're burning, not earning.

0:33:150:33:20

Remember? You want to be earning, not burning.

0:33:200:33:23

Basics.

0:33:230:33:25

The science of selling.

0:33:250:33:28

Proper planning prevents piss-poor performance.

0:33:280:33:31

That is a howler of a decision, howler.

0:33:310:33:34

If you're in management, you know,

0:33:340:33:36

you've got to take some responsibility for that.

0:33:360:33:39

You're going to take some responsibility,

0:33:390:33:40

you're going to take some responsibility for it.

0:33:400:33:43

You've got to.

0:33:430:33:44

So, as I see it, the motivation was great, the enthusiasm was great,

0:33:440:33:49

but we've rushed off headlong and cocked it up.

0:33:490:33:53

It was a bit like school.

0:33:530:33:54

Unfortunately, in schools sometimes,

0:33:540:33:56

the headmaster don't know the full story

0:33:560:33:58

so the headmaster bollocks everyone.

0:33:580:34:00

Usually, it would have been Phil sitting in the boardroom

0:34:000:34:03

with us as well, taking that heat.

0:34:030:34:06

Phil could have deflected a lot of questions,

0:34:060:34:08

because it was his idea to send me and the guys to the field,

0:34:080:34:11

however, good work, Phil.

0:34:110:34:14

Enjoy Mexico or Egypt or wherever you are.

0:34:140:34:17

In Nev's absence, fuel and man hours

0:34:170:34:20

aren't the only thing that have been wasted.

0:34:200:34:23

Hayley's still not got round to serving drinks

0:34:230:34:25

in the other tea lady's building

0:34:250:34:28

and she could be the next target in Nev's sights.

0:34:280:34:31

The problem we've got over here is that milk there,

0:34:310:34:35

that warm milk on a warm day won't fit in the fridge

0:34:350:34:39

cos there is all this and all that

0:34:390:34:41

as a result of Hayley not doing the tea round as she should.

0:34:410:34:46

So, cock-up on the tea lady front

0:34:460:34:50

and we need to rectify it, so hence, she gets a bollocking.

0:34:500:34:55

Hayley, listen to me.

0:34:580:35:00

We've got equivalent of three cows' worth of milk in there.

0:35:000:35:04

I know, I've gone mad on them, they didn't cancel Steff's side.

0:35:040:35:07

No, it's not funny. I know.

0:35:070:35:08

Why don't you just take your responsibility seriously?

0:35:080:35:11

Get out there and give out tea over here now.

0:35:110:35:14

I am but...

0:35:140:35:15

Otherwise, I will get a new tea lady. You understand?

0:35:150:35:18

Don't ever, ever say that again.

0:35:180:35:19

New tea lady on its way, take it seriously.

0:35:190:35:23

You've got an hour to dish out loads of tea.

0:35:230:35:25

I know! An hour!

0:35:250:35:27

Why aren't you sprinting?!

0:35:270:35:29

That's better.

0:35:320:35:33

I think she got the message.

0:35:360:35:39

Nev has spoken but Hayley's misunderstood his orders again

0:35:390:35:43

and thinks she's moving to the other side permanently.

0:35:430:35:47

I'm going to have to tell them now the news,

0:35:470:35:50

that I'm no longer their tea lady.

0:35:500:35:53

That's quite sad but oh, well.

0:35:560:35:59

They're like a family to me.

0:36:020:36:03

I know they're not like a family over there, see,

0:36:030:36:05

they just, you know, they're not tight.

0:36:050:36:07

Bye.

0:36:070:36:09

Guys.

0:36:110:36:13

Hayley decides the news warrants an immediate staff meeting.

0:36:130:36:17

Everyone, I've got to make an announcement.

0:36:170:36:20

Just letting you all know, guys, my time has gone.

0:36:230:36:28

I am the tea lady over there from now on.

0:36:280:36:31

Here is my last day. I am gutted.

0:36:310:36:35

I'm gone after today. Why?

0:36:350:36:36

They want me over there now.

0:36:360:36:38

You can't leave. But, oh, well.

0:36:410:36:44

But Hayley's tearful farewell doesn't fit in

0:36:440:36:47

with Twe's motivational master plan.

0:36:470:36:49

If Nev's told you that and then you're telling these guys,

0:36:490:36:52

then they're going to get down and thinking,

0:36:520:36:54

"Oh, what are we, the rejects?"

0:36:540:36:56

He was basically saying,

0:36:560:36:57

"I don't know if you can see, Hayl, this is where it's all happening."

0:36:570:37:01

'The slightest bit of upheaval on the sales floor can have'

0:37:010:37:03

a massive ripple effect on sales.

0:37:030:37:06

From a management point of view,

0:37:060:37:08

any announcements that go to the floor do have to come

0:37:080:37:11

from management level and they do have to be worded in the right way,

0:37:110:37:14

not just blurted out.

0:37:140:37:17

Oh, I am going to miss everyone over here, I am.

0:37:180:37:23

I am crying, I am going to miss everyone.

0:37:280:37:30

SHE CHUCKLES

0:37:300:37:32

I'm going now for good.

0:37:320:37:34

Ah, I am sad.

0:37:360:37:38

Morale is still rock bottom for Jennie, who's been struggling

0:37:420:37:45

on the phone since returning from a long holiday in Bulgaria.

0:37:450:37:50

Luckily Nev's back to try and raise her spirits,

0:37:520:37:56

in a seriously loud shirt.

0:37:560:37:59

Hi, Jen, you all right? Yeah, I'm all right I suppose.

0:37:590:38:02

IMITATING HER: "I'm all right I suppose."

0:38:020:38:04

Do you mind if I sit, take this seat? Yeah, go ahead.

0:38:040:38:07

OK, I'll take it.

0:38:070:38:08

SHE LAUGHS

0:38:080:38:10

Jen, I've been told you've been a grumpy bastard this last week.

0:38:100:38:15

I know, I have.

0:38:150:38:15

So what happened to SW, SW, SW, N, you know, dust it off,

0:38:150:38:19

some will, some won't, so what? Let's press on.

0:38:190:38:22

Done and dusted. I couldn't take any more.

0:38:220:38:24

Was it? Yeah, stressed.

0:38:260:38:29

I had a midlife crisis.

0:38:290:38:31

21's not a midlife crisis.

0:38:310:38:33

Well, I was having a bit of a crisis. Were you?

0:38:330:38:36

I just couldn't do it any more.

0:38:360:38:37

Keep thinking, smile, right, things that make you laugh.

0:38:370:38:39

SW, SW, SW, N.

0:38:390:38:41

Think of something that makes you laugh.

0:38:410:38:43

Oh, God. Think of my shirt if you like.

0:38:430:38:45

It's a nice shirt, isn't it, Nev? Thanks.

0:38:450:38:49

SHE CHUCKLES

0:38:490:38:51

There it is, keep that smile on your face.

0:38:510:38:53

I'll try.

0:38:530:38:54

Uh-huh, uh-huh.

0:38:590:39:00

But even Nev's pep talk can't stop Jennie's mood plummeting.

0:39:000:39:07

Do you know, since she's come back and everything,

0:39:070:39:09

have you seen much of that?

0:39:090:39:11

She used to be loud, she used to be bubbly. No, I know.

0:39:110:39:13

She's not that person any more.

0:39:130:39:14

She's just feeling a bit like down and she can't do the job

0:39:140:39:17

and she's just pissed off... She can do the job.

0:39:170:39:19

She said she wants a new change in life,

0:39:190:39:21

but I think she does want to leave.

0:39:210:39:23

All right, well, I'll have a chat with her, then, and just ask her outright.

0:39:230:39:27

But it's all got too much for Jennie.

0:39:290:39:31

She's turned to the HR department to discuss her future.

0:39:310:39:35

If someone's drowning and I throw them a life preserver,

0:39:350:39:38

I expect them to put it on.

0:39:380:39:39

At the moment, she's not using it.

0:39:390:39:42

What's happening? I'm fine.

0:39:450:39:47

Are you OK? You don't look fine.

0:39:470:39:50

Do you want to chat for two minutes? Come in here and we'll have a chat.

0:39:500:39:53

Yeah.

0:39:530:39:54

It's obvious that you're a little bit down today and everything

0:39:580:40:01

so my role as well as HR's, isn't just to manage,

0:40:010:40:06

we're a support function as well, yeah?

0:40:060:40:08

My life is going downhill.

0:40:080:40:10

Oh, your life's not going downhill, you big numpty.

0:40:100:40:13

It is. I just can't do it.

0:40:130:40:16

You sound like a four-year-old.

0:40:160:40:17

You want to talk to people out there on the sales floor.

0:40:170:40:21

Jennie's lost it, her mojo,

0:40:210:40:23

she's lost the momentum that she had,

0:40:230:40:26

her confidence in selling has gone and the problem we've got is that

0:40:260:40:30

she doesn't seem to want to get it back.

0:40:300:40:33

From a HR point of view, hmm,

0:40:330:40:35

we're going to let you shoot off today, OK?

0:40:350:40:39

So, you and Hayley, get some curlers in,

0:40:390:40:41

and paint each other's toenails, whatever you've got to do to

0:40:410:40:44

make sure that you've got a smile on your face, do that and I will

0:40:440:40:48

allocate my time to making sure that we're getting sales for you.

0:40:480:40:52

Is that fair enough? OK.

0:40:520:40:55

I feel like shit, I look like shit so I'm not going to sell nothing

0:40:550:40:59

and I think the harder I try, the more I can't do it

0:40:590:41:02

and it annoys me, so maybe my time is done in sales.

0:41:020:41:08

Maybe I've got to move on.

0:41:080:41:10

I don't know.

0:41:100:41:12

Jennie's taking a few days off to consider her options.

0:41:140:41:18

Probably be better for me if she'd stuck around today.

0:41:210:41:25

As it stands right now,

0:41:250:41:26

we've still got to face that same problem on Friday,

0:41:260:41:30

which is turning Jennie's frown upside down.

0:41:300:41:34

Also wearing a frown is Nev.

0:41:360:41:38

He's just heard about Hayley's dramatic announcement to the

0:41:380:41:41

sales floor and he's not a happy bunny.

0:41:410:41:45

Can we get people off the phones and listening?

0:41:450:41:48

Guys, make that your last call.

0:41:510:41:55

It creates an us-and-them in the work force which

0:41:550:41:57

I have to eradicate and stamp on straightaway.

0:41:570:42:00

And if it means I've got to stamp on Hayley,

0:42:000:42:02

that's what's going to happen.

0:42:020:42:03

I can't have a tea lady making an announcement.

0:42:030:42:05

There was an announcement made here yesterday but a certain tea lady.

0:42:050:42:09

All that's happened is Steff is on holiday over that side

0:42:090:42:12

and we've got about three cows' worth of milk sat in the fridge

0:42:120:42:16

and on the floor over there, so I said, do both sides.

0:42:160:42:19

She's come back over here, making an announcement saying,

0:42:190:42:22

"I'm going, I'll never see you again."

0:42:220:42:25

OK, not the case, all she's got to do is both sides.

0:42:250:42:30

You're doing a great job, yeah?

0:42:300:42:33

You know, we're starting to lose a bit of atmosphere here

0:42:340:42:37

and Hayley coming round giving you all hugs and saying goodbye

0:42:370:42:40

does not enhance the atmosphere. Yeah.

0:42:400:42:43

OK? So I have to nail it.

0:42:430:42:46

OK, go and do some work. Bugger off.

0:42:460:42:50

Hayley's been summoned to Nev's office

0:42:520:42:55

and she's guessing it's not for a pay rise.

0:42:550:42:58

Oh, BLEEP. Phew.

0:42:580:43:02

BLEEP. I don't know.

0:43:020:43:03

I'm over here now. That's what he wanted.

0:43:030:43:06

I'm happy, it's Friday, everyone's in a good mood

0:43:060:43:09

and I'm probably going to go like that to that.

0:43:090:43:12

Hayley, can I give you one tip before you come in?

0:43:220:43:24

I swear, though, Nev...

0:43:240:43:25

Do not start arguing with me.

0:43:250:43:27

No, but Nev, I don't know what you're on about...

0:43:270:43:29

Do not start arguing with me, I'm telling you now.

0:43:290:43:31

I'm serious, I don't know whose side I'm on.

0:43:310:43:33

Then shut up and listen and learn.

0:43:330:43:34

Yeah, but I don't want you saying the wrong thing to me like.

0:43:340:43:37

I was... That was genuine. Hayley, go out and come back in. Don't argue with me.

0:43:370:43:41

I'm just not going to speak.

0:43:460:43:48

You're going to have to say something.

0:43:480:43:50

No, because I can't. Hayley, sit down.

0:43:500:43:53

You went over the other side yesterday and made an announcement,

0:43:550:43:58

behind my back... Correct.

0:43:580:43:59

..without by-your-leave to anybody.

0:43:590:44:02

In your position of high authority as tea lady,

0:44:020:44:06

you went over there and announced that you were no longer going

0:44:060:44:09

to be delivering tea over there. I know.

0:44:090:44:11

I had to say all my last goodbyes.

0:44:110:44:13

I don't think there's nothing wrong in that. Hayley.

0:44:130:44:16

When you're in a hole, stop digging.

0:44:160:44:18

There were no last goodbyes. You're doing both sides. OK.

0:44:190:44:23

Listen, what you've done was divisive.

0:44:230:44:26

But this is hard work what I'm doing to do now, isn't it? Listen.

0:44:260:44:29

You have created an "us-and-them" situation,

0:44:290:44:32

which I have had to go back over there and rectify.

0:44:320:44:35

Oh, I'm not allowed over this side, I've got to go back.

0:44:350:44:38

I've got to go over there.

0:44:380:44:40

I don't want to go over there but I've got to. Let me say my goodbyes.

0:44:400:44:42

Hayley, you were out of order by a million miles.

0:44:420:44:45

OK, I do see where you're coming from with the us-and-them thing

0:44:450:44:48

but it always has been an us-and-them thing, hasn't it?

0:44:480:44:50

It has been. When you're in a hole, stop digging.

0:44:500:44:53

OK.

0:44:530:44:54

The word is, "Sorry, Nev."

0:44:540:44:56

Sorry, Nev, but I, as... No.

0:44:560:44:57

No, I do see where you're coming from,

0:44:570:44:59

but can you see where I'm coming from? Do not.

0:44:590:45:01

If you qualify a sorry, you're out of order.

0:45:010:45:03

But do you know...? "I'm sorry, but" doesn't cut it.

0:45:030:45:05

OK, I'm sorry. "I'm sorry, however" is not good enough.

0:45:050:45:08

I'm sorry that I made it come across as an us-and-them.

0:45:080:45:10

You did. I know.

0:45:100:45:12

You dug a bloody great big trench between us.

0:45:120:45:14

I didn't know that I was the...

0:45:140:45:16

Hayley, you've been a bone idle bastard these last few weeks.

0:45:160:45:19

You're not working, you weren't working flat out.

0:45:190:45:21

It does make sense to me to be over here. Correct.

0:45:210:45:23

I know. It makes sense for you to be over both sides.

0:45:230:45:25

If you don't get around both sides today, I will kick your arse.

0:45:250:45:28

I ain't going to do all this side and that side. Yes, you are.

0:45:280:45:31

By half past two? Yes. Ah, OK.

0:45:310:45:32

Pull your finger out or I'm going to kick you up the arse. OK.

0:45:320:45:35

You deserve a kick up the arse now.

0:45:350:45:36

Sorry, I've got work to do. No, I do actually.

0:45:360:45:38

I've been saying it for ages that I need that flat out, you know, again.

0:45:380:45:41

What's the word? Sorry, Nev.

0:45:410:45:43

Piss off. Go on, out, out now!

0:45:450:45:50

She didn't blow a kiss that time.

0:45:540:45:56

Well, looks like I'm tea lady for both sides now then.

0:45:580:46:02

The tea and coffee is important.

0:46:040:46:06

I was annoyed and frustrated and disappointed and pissed off.

0:46:060:46:11

She's been a little madam and needed sorting out.

0:46:110:46:15

Jennie's back at the call centre

0:46:230:46:25

after a few days of serious soul-searching.

0:46:250:46:28

She's been offered an admin job at a rival call centre

0:46:280:46:31

and has made a big decision.

0:46:310:46:33

Can you give this to Twe for me, please?

0:46:340:46:37

What is it?

0:46:370:46:38

A notice letter.

0:46:380:46:41

OK, help yourself to a seat, Jen. Ah, thank you.

0:46:410:46:44

So, I had a letter dropped on my desk.

0:46:440:46:48

I think someone's playing an elaborate practical joke.

0:46:480:46:51

No, it's not a joke this time.

0:46:510:46:55

You're going to hand your notice in? Why?

0:46:550:46:58

Me and sales are done.

0:46:580:47:00

Hmm, ah.

0:47:000:47:02

THEY SIGH

0:47:020:47:04

You know I'll reluctantly accept it.

0:47:040:47:06

I mean, I will be sad to see you go.

0:47:060:47:09

We've worked together for quite a while.

0:47:090:47:11

'It does hurt a little bit.'

0:47:110:47:13

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't gutted

0:47:130:47:15

that she's going to a different place.

0:47:150:47:18

It's kind of like...

0:47:180:47:20

cheating on someone.

0:47:200:47:22

If you do go to this new role and you find that it's better

0:47:220:47:26

the devil you know, Twe, than the devil you don't know,

0:47:260:47:29

then the door will always be open here for you, OK?

0:47:290:47:34

OK, thank you. OK.

0:47:340:47:35

Despite everyone's best efforts,

0:47:350:47:38

Jennie's time in Nev's world is over.

0:47:380:47:40

I know this is probably going to be one of the best places

0:47:400:47:43

I'll ever work, but I can't stay here for ever, I suppose.

0:47:430:47:49

Jennie wants to break the news to the big boss in person.

0:47:490:47:53

Hello, Jen. Hiya, Nev.

0:47:570:47:59

Hiya. Are you all right?

0:47:590:48:02

Yeah, I'm fine.

0:48:020:48:04

Well, I've just come to let you know that I have handed my notice in.

0:48:040:48:08

You unmitigated ratbag.

0:48:100:48:13

SHE CHUCKLES

0:48:130:48:15

I know, I know. I don't want to leave, I really don't.

0:48:150:48:17

You miserable cow.

0:48:170:48:19

But this time... You horrible rat fink.

0:48:190:48:23

I know. Oh, how could you?

0:48:230:48:26

After all you've done for me.

0:48:260:48:29

Don't make this harder than it already is. Oh, Jen.

0:48:300:48:33

No, I really don't want to go but I think it's time in sales,

0:48:330:48:36

this time, just this time, I think sales have got the better of me.

0:48:360:48:40

I think it's come to the end of the road.

0:48:400:48:43

Are you crying? No.

0:48:430:48:44

You're crying. You big wuss.

0:48:440:48:47

Don't. Jen, Jen, life goes in cycles, right?

0:48:470:48:52

Just, you know, if you're here for a bit and you've learnt a lot,

0:48:530:48:57

you have, you've learnt a lot, you know. I know.

0:48:570:48:59

You've come on in loads of dimensions since you've been here,

0:48:590:49:03

so if you've got to move on to, you know, get a better

0:49:030:49:07

standard of living or to, to move your life on, that's what you do.

0:49:070:49:12

Oh.

0:49:120:49:13

Yes, if something comes in admin I would definitely,

0:49:130:49:18

definitely nag you to come back.

0:49:180:49:21

I don't know if my eyelashes have come off.

0:49:220:49:24

If my eyelashes come off, that's the end of it.

0:49:240:49:26

JEN SIGHS I've got no eyelash glue with me.

0:49:280:49:30

Haven't you? No.

0:49:300:49:31

Oh, hang on, I think I've got some here.

0:49:310:49:34

What are you like?

0:49:340:49:36

Oh, this is, this has put another dampener on my day.

0:49:360:49:39

Oh, Jen. I know.

0:49:390:49:42

SHE SIGHS

0:49:420:49:43

But oh, well.

0:49:430:49:44

You're going to have to give me a big hug.

0:49:440:49:46

Ah, thank you.

0:49:460:49:48

Don't, cos I'll cry again. Thank you.

0:49:480:49:49

HE PRETENDS TO WEEP

0:49:490:49:51

Thank you. Ah, well done, Jen. Thank you very much.

0:49:510:49:53

I hope it's a big success for you, I really do.

0:49:530:49:56

I hope so too, otherwise I'll be back, crying, Nev.

0:49:560:49:59

Ah, bye, Jen. Ta-ra. OK.

0:49:590:50:02

It's not nice when you lose somebody like Jennie.

0:50:030:50:06

She a big part of the call centre,

0:50:060:50:09

you know, she's a big character, and she's lovely.

0:50:090:50:13

She looks after people, so, yeah, I will, you know,

0:50:130:50:15

we will all miss her.

0:50:150:50:17

Nev's commercial director and youngest son, Phil,

0:50:210:50:24

is finally back from his spontaneous sun break in Egypt.

0:50:240:50:29

I've just got back from holiday,

0:50:290:50:31

same sort of time as my dad was away so I don't think

0:50:310:50:34

he was best pleased for that but I had a great deal so I went.

0:50:340:50:38

And though Twe took most of the flak for the bus brain wave,

0:50:380:50:41

Phil's not getting off totally scot-free.

0:50:410:50:44

You know, every dad, I would suppose, would want to

0:50:440:50:47

train his kids and teach them as much as he could...

0:50:470:50:50

..so they don't make the same mistakes that I've made.

0:50:520:50:55

Working hard is, you know, part and parcel of life.

0:50:550:50:59

Particularly if you're in business, you know,

0:50:590:51:01

it's no good trying to run your company from the beach.

0:51:010:51:04

Phil, come in.

0:51:080:51:10

Hello, hello.

0:51:100:51:12

Last father-to-son chat we had, you were teaching me chat-up lines.

0:51:120:51:16

No, I was telling you to keep it in your pocket as I recall it.

0:51:160:51:21

Bottom line, Phil, when I was away

0:51:210:51:23

and I briefed you and Twe to hold the fort. Yes.

0:51:230:51:28

And I come back, Twe's out on the bus

0:51:280:51:31

and you've buggered off on holiday.

0:51:310:51:33

What happened, did you have a cheapie?

0:51:350:51:37

I did have a cheapie. You had a cheap deal, did you?

0:51:370:51:39

Last minute. Last minute. Thanks, Phil.

0:51:390:51:41

And you just decided to bugger off on holiday?

0:51:410:51:44

Yeah.

0:51:450:51:47

I would have asked, but you weren't here.

0:51:490:51:52

Well, that is, that's a fair comment.

0:51:520:51:55

That is a fair comment.

0:51:550:51:57

What happens, right, the next, next in charge in the pecking order,

0:51:570:52:03

they just need direction, that's all, just direction and

0:52:030:52:06

there was nobody directing, there was nobody batting and bowling, Phil.

0:52:060:52:09

Yeah. All right? OK.

0:52:090:52:11

We charge on, we drive the business.

0:52:110:52:14

I will...

0:52:140:52:15

I'll make sure I'm here,

0:52:150:52:17

I'll try and last ten days next time you go away. OK.

0:52:170:52:19

Phil, you are in the shit.

0:52:190:52:22

You're in so much shit, I think you need a snorkel.

0:52:220:52:25

I'll go and get you a snorkel now.

0:52:250:52:27

Just hang on there now, while I go and get a snorkel.

0:52:270:52:30

Just a second. I'm all right.

0:52:300:52:31

No, just stay there a second. You'll be fine.

0:52:310:52:34

He is right.

0:52:360:52:38

I shouldn't have gone away.

0:52:390:52:41

I had a last-minute holiday deal that I couldn't have refused.

0:52:410:52:47

Well, I could've but I didn't,

0:52:470:52:49

so, yeah, he's right,

0:52:490:52:51

I shouldn't have left the business whilst he was away.

0:52:510:52:55

I should have been here to oversee it.

0:52:560:52:59

I think it was a bit silly.

0:52:590:53:01

Phil.

0:53:030:53:04

Oh, no expense spared with that snorkel.

0:53:040:53:07

No, there was every expense spared with that snorkel.

0:53:070:53:10

Put it on then. Let's see if it fits.

0:53:100:53:13

I'm all right, thanks. Go on, put it on, see if it fits.

0:53:130:53:16

What the hell has happened here? It's all twisted.

0:53:180:53:20

You just put it over your head, that's all.

0:53:200:53:22

It's twisted and mangled, that's all.

0:53:220:53:25

Do you want me to put it on for you too?

0:53:250:53:26

No, no, I've got this.

0:53:260:53:28

Does it do a lot for my sex appeal?

0:53:300:53:32

It... What do you think?

0:53:320:53:35

I would normally say you look like a count.

0:53:350:53:37

A count, yeah? A count. Is that misspelt or...?

0:53:370:53:40

Possibly.

0:53:400:53:42

John Wayne was the Duke, you are now the Count.

0:53:420:53:45

OK. All right?

0:53:450:53:47

Out you go. Bugger off. Thanks. Out, get out!

0:53:470:53:50

So long, Phil.

0:53:520:53:54

Give her a hug.

0:54:040:54:07

Oh, goodbye, Jen. Goodbye.

0:54:070:54:11

She will be back, though. Ah.

0:54:110:54:15

A lot of people have left this call centre in the past,

0:54:160:54:19

they all say they all miss this place -

0:54:190:54:22

the atmosphere, the banter, the amount of friends you get,

0:54:220:54:26

you make whilst working here, the fun that goes on,

0:54:260:54:31

so she will definitely miss it.

0:54:310:54:33

Always be my girlie.

0:54:370:54:39

Don't you ever replace me in this building.

0:54:390:54:41

I won't, no-one will replace you.

0:54:410:54:43

Well done. Good work.

0:54:550:54:57

They're all rolling in now.

0:54:570:54:59

Hold this a sec. Right.

0:55:000:55:04

Like a salmon. Here you go.

0:55:040:55:06

I don't know. I thought maybe,

0:55:080:55:10

I had it in my head that you'd do it a bit better than that.

0:55:100:55:13

A bit higher. THEY LAUGH

0:55:130:55:15

I suppose all good things have got to come to an end

0:55:150:55:18

and as one door closes, another door opens - that's the saying.

0:55:180:55:23

And I'm off. Cheers for that, guys.

0:55:240:55:27

Ta-ra.

0:55:290:55:30

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