Episode 3 A Very Welsh Undertaking

It's the last thing we want to think about -

our funeral.

But we all have very different thoughts about the way we want to go.

"When the sun sets on the ocean blue,

"remember me as I will always remember you."

God bless, Mum.

For some people, though, death is very much their way of life...

..and they love their work.

We care for the dead, but we are there to help the families.

And I can't imagine a more rewarding job.

Welcome to a world that most of us will never see.

We're opening the doors on A Very Welsh Undertaking.

This programme contains some scenes which viewers may find upsetting.

The historic village of Laugharne

and a special funeral today being arranged

by local funeral director Stuart Booth.

Today, we've got the funeral of a squadron leader.

He was up pilot, an RAF pilot, in World War II.

He is a well-known figure of the area.

We've got a set up ready for the funeral later,

but there's about 100 things going through my mind at the moment.

Making sure every little detail is ready.

Make sure everything is in place.

I am waiting for a phone call from the RAF just to say

whether we've got a fly-past for this service.

Make sure there's enough seats inside,

make sure everyone's going to the right place,

make sure there is a leaflet for the vicar when she turns up.

Make sure the organist has got the CDs,

make sure the CD works on the CD player.

There's everything.

Everything is going to plan until Stuart spots a problem.

Workmen have turned up outside the church to close the road.

Cones are there and we need to park here

and the cars still need to come through.

So, we're just going to double-check with the men in the lorry...

in the van there to make sure they're not going to be too long

and this is all gone by the time we turn up.

Stuart tries to find out exactly what's happening.

So, will the road be open in time for the funeral?

Yeah, it's all OK. They're going to check that the connection

for the phone is all right and they'll be gone in

about ten minutes, quarter of an hour, so panic over.

MOBILE PHONE RINGS And Stuart gets more good news

about the funeral.

Hello. How are you doing? Yeah, fairly good.

Oh, that would be brilliant.

At two o'clock. Yeah, that would be absolutely fine.

Thanks a lot. Goodbye.

That was the gentleman from the Airman's Association.

Fair play, he's worked hard all week

and he has arranged a fly-past, which we were hoping for.

He can't come at three o'clock, which that's what we really wanted,

but it's going to be fine. We can...

At two o'clock, we'll turn up at the gate

and hopefully, the planes will go over just at the right time.

So, yeah, that's a big relief.

With everything now on course at the church,

Stuart heads back to base to make final preparations

for today's unique funeral.

This is our first funeral going from our new premises,

so it's all a bit different and, you know, a bit anxious,

make sure everything goes right.

Yeah, there's nothing to worry about, but you can never relax

when you've got a... You know, we wouldn't be doing our job

correctly if we were relaxing and not worrying about it at all.

From here, the hearse will be arriving now in about five minutes

or so and we will load the coffin into the hearse,

make sure the flowers are correct on top.

Now, we've got a cap that is going

on top of the coffin, make sure that is in place.

The limousines will be here.

Because they've got the colourful coffin

with his planes printed all over on the side of it,

we're going to have a few minutes at the house,

so they can check the coffin and have a good look at it.

They may want to take the odd photo or something.

And then we are going to move off down to the church and arrive there

at precisely five to, so that we've got couple of minutes

to get everything set up

and then the fly-past should happen at two o'clock.

That's the way it's planned. Let's hope it goes like that.

Today, more than ever, timing is crucial.

The Royal British Legion

and most of the village of Laugharne have turned out at the local

church to pay their last respects

to 95-year-old former squadron leader Leslie Davies,

war hero and valued member of the community.

Anticipation is building as they all hope to catch

a glimpse of the RAF fly-past.

With military precision, they are right on time.

A fitting tribute to an old airman.

"Those who believe in me, even though they die, will live."

He was a churchwarden at this church.

He's helped us out in many, many funerals over the years,

so it's a great honour to do this funeral.

It's a great honour to do any funeral, but this one,

it really... He has helped us out for years and years and years.

He is 95 and we always worried after his days

how we are going to carry on in the church cos you only spoke to Les

and Les sorted everything, so...

Squadron leader Leslie Davies is being laid

to rest in the peaceful churchyard.

His old friends and colleagues gather for the committal

under Stuart's watchful eye.

And there is no relaxing until everything comes to a close.

For a former military man, it is appropriate that he can have

the Last Post played as a final farewell.

The age-old piece recognises and symbolises

that the duty of the deceased soldier is over

and can now officially rest in peace.

BUGLE PLAYS THE LAST POST

Tovey Brothers in Newport have a rich history of dealing

with the deceased and their ancient ledgers date back to the 1860s

recording all of the funerals the Tovey family have carried out.

Thousands and thousands of family names are written on these pages.

There are some really interesting history in some of these books

and local history, but also from further afield.

Every ledger records the funeral that we've carried out

and they are all dated from the months and years

that they relate to.

And then there are smaller indexes,

which enable us to look up alphabetically people's names

and then reference to these particular books.

So, quite quickly, we can refer to one of these books

and whenever we carry out a funeral,

we reference back to the last funeral for that family

where it's a close relation, so we can see the history

of the service we've given to that particular family.

When you look at the numbers of people

written in black and white, if you look through an index of this,

and you look, there is thousands and thousands of names of people.

It's incredible to think of the history

and the number of families that have been looked after

by our family, really.

Sadly, the names of all my family members are in these books as well,

so I've been able to look up some of the funerals

of my grandfather and great-grandfather

and other members of the family that have gone before us.

So, that's interesting for me on a personal level,

but it does underline the fact that no, it doesn't spare any of us

and no doubt one day, hopefully not too soon,

my own name will be in one of these books.

That's one certainty in life we all know about, isn't it, so...

It's interesting to see how customs change

and how elaborate funerals are.

Now, obviously, people are choosing extra things

like, perhaps, dove releases or alternative vehicles.

It's an interesting social history looking back at this sort of thing.

Today, James Tovey has a very special motorbike-themed funeral.

Brian Johnson passed away from a sudden illness.

He loved his bikes, so he is having a very appropriate final ride.

So, we are travelling out with our hearse

and the motorbike hearse to the family home.

And I think there will be quite a few biker friends of the man

who has passed away

and they are going to lead the procession to the church.

And we will have a service in a local village church followed

by a burial at the cemetery then.

In charge of the motorbike hearse is Andy.

But do you have to be a biker to ride in this hearse?

We probably give a final ride

to as many old ladies as motorcyclists.

Whether it's a final farewell to the world on account that

they weren't allowed motorbikes in their youth, we have no idea.

We haven't...haven't quite got our head around that yet.

It's effectively giving people their last chance to say goodbye

to the world with something,

which they've always had a lot of passion for.

You spend all of your life riding a motorbike,

why would you want to go to your final resting place

in back of an estate car?

It's that ability to say farewell in your own terms.

We are expecting quite a few people cos he was a young man

and a well-known man, well popular.

So, I hope it all goes well for the family.

And the motorcycle hearse is obviously because he loved bikes

and we've got a few other touches like that,

which, hopefully, make it personal for him

and a good tribute to him.

MOTORCYCLES REV

I guess when you do personalise the funerals,

it does make it a little bit more poignant

and therefore, more emotional.

But I think everyone is pleased

afterwards that they've gone to that extra step.

And you, at the time, I think,

it could be a bit more upsetting.

Brian's extended biking family accompany him

to his final resting place in Newport.

For undertakers like James Tovey,

requests that may once have seemed strange and unusual

are far more commonplace.

His job is often, now, to try and fulfil last requests

and Brian's biker-themed funeral runs as smoothly as one of his bikes.

With burials on the decrease

and cremations accounting for over 70% of funerals in Wales,

Llanelli Crematorium is a very busy place.

But what happens when that curtain closes?

Manager Kevin Davies oversees more than 1,000 cremations every year.

Some people can deal with it

and from my experiences, some people can't.

But it's not easy. It's a very difficult job.

I never tell anybody what I do.

When the funeral arrives,

the details of the deceased are checked on the coffin

and this is a continual process throughout the operation.

Once the curtains have closed towards the end of the service

or at the committal, the coffin is left there in place

until the family and the bereaved have left the service.

Once, this has happened,

we take the coffin as carefully as we can through the back

into the crematory through a back door, obviously.

Back behind the curtains

where it is then charged into the cremator.

Once we come to charge the coffin,

the coffin is placed in a cremator once the slot is available.

The process could take up to an average of 90 minutes

until the cremation is completely finished

and there is flame or anything left in the cremator.

Then it is raked down to where the ashes are removed

into a cooling vessel where they cool for up to an hour.

They are then released from the cremator

into the normal atmosphere, the normal environment

where they are cooled

before they are processed through the cremulator for the final ashes

to be returned to the family.

Coffins are made for cremation.

Their pins and screws and all parts that hold it together

don't actually go in the process of cremation,

so that is removed with a magnet.

The ash is then processed through a cremulator

where they are reduced to the dust

as we know as the remains of the ashes.

That is then processed for the family in either caskets

or whatever vessel. It depends on what the requirements are.

The process is very carefully monitored.

We operate within a code of practice.

The cremator is individual.

It is one cremation at a time, one rake down at a time,

so each of the individual processes is unique to that cremation.

So the ashes coming back to you are those of your loved one.

At the end of the day, when I've passed away, then I've passed away.

If the family choose cremation, that's fine.

But whatever they choose, that is down to them, it's their decision.

Gareth Jenkins from Baglan Funeral Home

is on his way to deliver an urn of very special ashes.

Sometimes they come to the funeral home to pick them up,

but the family asked if I could just take them down

and have a chat what they would like to do with them.

At their home in Sandfields, Port Talbot,

the family of Damien James, who tragically ended his own life

just four weeks ago, is expecting Gareth's visit.

It's a very poignant time.

It's like the final thing, the ashes remains.

So I don't like knocking the door with them in my hand.

They are expecting me and they are expecting me

to have the ashes, but I say, "Look, I have them in the car.

"Are you ready?" so to speak.

Cos maybe when I knock the door, they might start crying,

you don't know and then I'll go in and have a chat with them

and then I'll fetch them.

-I've got his ashes remains in the car.

-Oh, that's OK.

-Are you OK to have them now?

-Yes, definitely. Definitely.

OK, I'll just fetch them now. OK.

'You've got to gauge how they are

'cos you don't know until they're actually face to face

'and they know that the ashes remains are coming, you know.

'Damien is sort of coming home again, in one respect, you know.

'It brings it all back home again.

'So, I think they are actually looking forward to

'having something of him back.'

OK?

-OK. Shall I put them here? Is that OK?

-Thank you, Gareth.

Yeah.

-There he is back home. OK?

-Aww.

-It has been a long four weeks, but he's home now.

-Yeah.

You think, "Oh, I'm hard, I can do it," but...

No, one minute you're fine,

-it's one little thing you need and it sets you off again.

-Yeah.

You have to get on with day-to-day jobs and day-to-day things,

-cos we've got a little six-year-old as well.

-Yeah.

We went shopping

and it's just like a bit of music that they play over the system

and the two of us, again, were both...

You know, you're walking round sobbing and you think,

-"Oh, I'm being a bit daft," but...

-No, no.

-We were, weren't we?

-Mm.

I know you wanted to...you wanted to divide the ashes,

so we're going to divide them in half

and then we've got little scatter boxes, which...

You see the little hole there?

-Aww.

-See him down in there? Look.

Aww.

-Do you want to feel it?

-No, I'm OK.

-Feel it.

-It's just like sand.

-It's just like sand. Look.

-Here he is, look.

-Aww.

-He's home.

-It's quite heavy, isn't it?

-It's bone, isn't it?

People are surprised at the actual weight.

But do you know, almost it doesn't matter

-what size you physically are...

-Yeah.

..they're almost all identical in weight afterwards,

which is weird, isn't it?

Well, I sup... Yeah, cos your skeleton would be...

It's the bone, it's the bone.

It is just the padding around that.

-You don't need that padding after, do you?

-No.

-HE LAUGHS

-No. No, we don't.

-Oh, love him.

-It's the only time I'll be ever slim, then.

-THEY LAUGH

So, I'm going to leave you with these now

-for you to have a look at.

-Oh, thank you.

And then you just give me a ring a I'll pop down

after you've decided what you'd like to do.

-Oh, thank you very much, Gareth.

-OK? You're welcome.

-Thank you.

Everyone's individual, every scenario's different,

so, yeah, we've got to gauge everything separately.

It all depends on how their emotions are at that time.

Sometimes the emotions are very high,

sometimes they're very low.

Yeah, we just gauge that and like I said,

because we are there to help them in anything we can do,

we just try to take into consideration

their feelings at that time.

With funeral trends changing in Wales,

so too are what families decide to do with the ashes of their loved ones.

From glass sculptures to diamonds, the list continues to grow.

Wayne died last year and Gareth conducted the funeral

and believes his service does not end there.

Today, he's helping Wayne's partner, Barbara,

who has decided to get the ashes made into a crystal

which she will have implanted in her arm.

The "Wayne" is written in just tattooist's ink.

The hearts there, the ashes were mixed with the ink

and then made into the hearts.

And also the star as well is done in the same thing.

And in the centre here, that is where the crystal is going to go

and it will be a permanent thing then.

Somebody in work told me that you can add crystals.

I thought, "Oh, I know, I'll have...

"If you can make a crystal out of the ashes,

-"I'll have that put instead."

-Yeah.

-So...

-And you immediately thought, "That's for me"?

-Yes.

-And you haven't had any second thoughts at all?

-Not so.

There we are. Well, I think that is really nice, then.

Human ashes can be compressed into real diamonds,

an expensive process that can cost upwards of £10,000.

Got to be very quiet for this bit, OK?

Barbara has chosen the more reasonable option -

having the ashes embedded in crystals that resemble diamonds.

-And that's your pain over with.

-Really?

-THEY LAUGH

-Well done, Barbara.

-TATTOOIST LAUGHS

No screaming at all. I'm a bit disappointed. Yeah.

So, the ashes are in that diamond, in a star,

and his ashes are in the star there.

-Amazing.

-Shining bright like a diamond in the sky.

-It is.

That looks great, that does, actually.

Every two years, all the funeral directors

visit the National Funeral Exhibition

to keep up-to-date with latest trends and suppliers.

After all, funerals are big business.

Hefin Williams from the Gwendraeth Valley

has brought his wife, Angharad, on a surprise romantic break.

Hmm, is it worked Angharad had in mind?

Hefin said he was going to take me away

for a lovely weekend somewhere nice

and this wasn't exactly what I had in mind

when he told me I was going somewhere nice.

When I told Angharad I was taking her away for a night or two,

I think this was the last place she wanted to come.

But fair play, she has supported me.

This year, I am building a new chapel of rest in the funeral home,

so I need to kit it all out.

I am looking for mortuary equipment, fridges, flooring, everything.

A display for ashes. Ashes is a big thing at the moment.

You can have them into anything these days.

Hopefully I can get the best prices.

As well as suppliers,

a trade association for independent funeral directors, known as SAIF,

are also here.

And manning the stand is this year's president

and funeral director from Llanelli, Gemma O'Driscoll.

It is also a networking opportunity, a chance to see funeral directors

who perhaps you don't see from one year to the next.

Really, it is all-encompassing. Vehicles as well, of course.

There's a lot of very lovely and very expensive funeral cars

here this weekend.

Matthew Jones from Carmarthen hires hearses to funeral directors

and is admiring the latest models.

Fancy one. If somebody else is paying, it's all right.

Quite a lot of money's worth here, to be honest with you.

I don't think you'll see... You won't see these in my garage.

Unless I win the lottery.

As far as the Jaguar goes - lovely, great, got a presence on the road.

But a lot of the roads we go down in West Wales,

down the countries there, down the farms,

wouldn't fit down the lanes

and also, probably get stuck on the cattle grids.

As well as trying his hand at wicker coffin weaving,

Gareth Jenkins from Baglan is searching for something special

for one of his clients.

I'm looking for one thing in particular.

Now, there are companies here that do fireworks

that you can actually put the ashes remains into the firework

and they will organise a firework display.

Damien's family have asked me to look for something different

and something spectacular and I think that would be just the answer.

That's what I'm looking for now.

Although most skills in the funeral trade

are passed down over generations,

undertaking is now becoming more and more professional

and formal qualifications are a necessity.

And there will be time to ask questions...

Gemma O'Driscoll is a tutor for

the Independent Funeral Directors College,

which trains the next generation of funeral directors.

We have a number of students here who have travelled

from all over South Wales and with a variety of experience

to gather here today to begin their journey on courses with the college.

You demonstrate to me

how you would measure our very well-dressed deceased.

Because it is a vocational qualification, they are expected now

to go back to their workplaces and compile portfolios of evidence

that prove their competence in the tasks that we are speaking about.

A number of staff from the Baglan Funeral Home

have undertaken the course.

One of them, Neil,

is nervously awaiting a workplace evaluation with his tutor Gemma.

-Afternoon, Gemma.

-Hi, nice to see you again.

-Are you all right?

-Yeah, I'm fine.

-Good.

-Take a seat. Don't be nervous.

-No, it's OK.

We're just going to go through some of your workbooks

that you've sent in to me.

I am very pleased to tell you that at this stage,

you have passed the course.

-It is really quite excellent work.

-Thank you very much.

-So, congratulations.

-Brilliant, thank you.

-OK.

Over the moon that I've passed the course.

It was an exciting course to do, being new to the job and everything.

And the help I had on the course and everything has been really great,

the support from other people who'd done the course with me.

Um...

And I've had a really good mentor with my colleagues working here.

-GARETH:

-Hello, Gemma. Nice to see you.

And while at Baglan Funeral Home, Gemma fulfils another of her roles -

Inspector of Standards for Funeral Directors.

Then we'll do the viewing rooms, then we'll go into the mortuary.

-Yes.

-That OK?

-That's fine.

-There we are now.

'I belong to a trade association called SAIF

'and the inspector is coming here to make sure that

'we adhere to all their rules and that everything is in place -

'health and safety, fire inspection, premises inspection, the mortuary -

'just to see that everything is in order.'

This is the mortuary-cum-cold room where we carry out the embalming.

'And they just keep us up-to-date and if we do have a problem,'

we've got a governing body that we can actually turn to to help us.

They've got legal department as well,

so we've always got somebody we can have advice from.

So, what storage did you have, Gareth?

Well, what we've done, we've made this whole area a refrigerate...

This is refrigerated and we've put the curtains on and if we are...

we need more space, this whole room is insulated as a fridge.

And we can accommodate, at max, 26 people.

Perhaps if we can...

Just give me a few minutes to just go through

and check if I've got everything

and then I can give a decision.

-Do I give you the bribe now or later?

-SHE CHUCKLES

Mmm.

To be honest, I'm not too worried. I'm sure everything's in place.

It seems that everything's in place, but you always think,

are they going to pick you up on something?

And if they do, I'm sure, you know, it can be put right.

So, it is not quite like waiting in a dentist

if you've got to have a filling or an extraction.

But, yeah, you know, we just...

I'm sure everything's all right. Quite confident.

I think it is important that we are inspected and we do belong to SAIF.

You don't have to belong to an association

to actually be a funeral director.

I think it is a safeguard for families.

I think they feel more confident in coming to you.

-Hi, Gemma.

-All right.

So, is it...? Or is it...?

It's good news, Gareth.

I'm very pleased to tell you that everything is in order.

I really can't find anything wrong. I've tried hard.

-HE CHUCKLES

-But, no, honestly, you have got superb premises here.

-Thanks very much.

-Standards are very high

and we are very pleased to have you as members.

Thank you very much. That is a good news, that.

As the sun slowly sets over Swansea Bay,

so does Dionne's time with her son's ashes.

Damien is in her arms for the final time.

The family asked me if they could do something unusual

with Damien's ashes remains and there is this company I found,

Heavenly Stars, have come up with a wonderful product.

It's the Celebration of Life fireworks

where they took Damien's ashes and they've placed them

in quite a lot of fireworks.

We are just waiting for dark so that he can be sent on his final journey

in a blaze of colour and stars and the family are here to witness that

and I think we're going to raise a glass or two of bubbly.

I think what a lovely final thing to do.

I'm looking forward to the firework going off, but I'm also sad

because it is another way of saying goodbye to him, really. So...

But it is to commemorate him and this is why we're doing it.

It's a way of saying goodbye to him and he'll always be up in the sky.

It is a fitting tribute, at the end of the day. Fantastic.

It has been a difficult journey for the family

and I've been with them all along.

They wanted the finality of it

and I think this will help towards that now, so...

Yes, I'm so pleased that they've asked me to be here

and witness it as well.

Whoo!

FIREWORKS WHISTLE AND CRACK

Everybody loves fireworks. They're so spectacular

and it just makes you smile when you see a firework

and it is a celebration of life, after all.

So, yeah, I would be quite happy for my ashes to be sent up in the sky.

Definitely.

As a child, he loved fireworks, he just adored them.

So, when Gareth came up with the idea came to me about it,

I thought, "Yeah, it's fitting. Let's do it."

That is something I will remember for the rest of my life.

Fantastic, amazing.