Episode 2 Welsh Millennium Babies

Thirteen years ago, BBC cameras filmed 22 families in southeast Wales

as they approached the magical moment of birth.

SHE GROANS

Breath in, feel the centre.

Down you go. Come on. Don't shout.

There were problematic pregnancies...

-Which day do you want to have your baby?

-Have it on a Friday, go home Saturday.

-..dramatic deliveries...

-Get it out!

No, you pant it out, don't push now, sweetheart, don't push.

..and life-saving special care.

I don't know what you're going through

and I don't think any of the nursing staff have got a clue.

OK? We don't.

It was a new beginning for the parents-to-be.

Donna, you did excellent. Well done.

And for some, it was to change their lives forever.

Over a decade later and what has happened to these children who grew up in a new century?

What has become of the Welsh millennium babies?

This time on Welsh Millennium Babies,

we catch up with two children who've grown up with divorce in the family.

When you're a separated family, you've got to make the most of every moment.

I feel like it, because I've less of you than everyone else, don't I?

It's not like the best, having your mum and dad split up.

People say you're lucky because you get two of everything and you get two rooms, but like,

you have to look behind that and it's not about having two rooms.

Over eleven years ago in Newport, Julie and Ian were eagerly awaiting the birth of their third child.

They already had two children, Nathan and Sophie, who had cerebral palsy.

I've been so worried about giving birth.

I'm not frightened for myself. I have quick labours - I don't feel a thing.

But I just want a healthy baby and I read so much, I mean, and I know a Caesarean can...

-It's not always a good thing.

-No.

Too much knowledge is sometimes a bad thing.

Yeah. But I know a Caesarean is risky if it's not planned,

because if it's an emergency the baby is already in distress,

but everything I read seemed to indicate that if it was planned, it went OK for the baby and yeah,

I'm going to be sore for a few weeks after but that's going to go away...

-But we spoke to a lot of people...

-And on Sophie, I would have been cut from my nose to my toe to prevent

any damage, so I'm giving this baby a chance.

After Sophie's difficult birth, Julie and Ian were adamant that

a Caesarean delivery was the best and safest option for their new baby.

Baby Phoebe arrived safe and sound into the world, weighing in at seven pounds.

Hello.

Look at that flat nose like your mother.

Nathan and Sophie couldn't wait to get to the hospital to get a glimpse of their new sister.

Hiya.

Give us a kiss.

Lovely, isn't she?

She's tiny.

Give us a kiss.

-Oh.

-You pinched me then.

You're kissing Sophie.

Why don't you kiss the baby?

It's sucking on its own now.

Ooh. She's going to cry at me.

Over a decade later, and things have definitely changed in Phoebe's household.

Phoebe and her brother Nathan live with her dad, who has remarried

and she has a new stepmum, Jo, and three baby brothers.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, carefully, you'll bounce into the wall doing that.

Put it flat on the floor.

Boys, boys, boys, jump on your mother's side!

That's better.

I've got a little brother in hospital, called Joseph.

I've got a dad called Ian, a stepmum called Jo, a mum called Julie, a stepdad called Derek,

a sister called Sophie and two brothers, called Morgan and Jamie.

-And Nathan.

-Nathan!

Nathan!

-Guess what I bought?

-What?

-A mattress.

-Mattress.

It's only taken me ten years.

Phoebe now lives in a large blended family.

Her parents, Julie and Ian, separated when she was four years old.

Obviously with the marriage split, it was quite difficult.

I mean, the kids were obviously torn between myself and Julie.

I think the sort of deciding factor was Nathan obviously wanted to stay with me

and stay in Sophie's house.

I was Sophie's main carer so he wanted to stay with Sophie.

I mean, they were all extremely close to their sister.

I'd even come down in the morning and Phoebe was what, four or five, and she'd be suctioning her sister.

When you look back now, there was a lot of responsibility

put on them kids from an early age. I think that's why...

they aren't fazed by anything now.

You know, obviously with

Sophie passing three years ago, three-and-a-half-years ago,

that was a very, very difficult time.

You can't wait until mummy's had this baby so she can do this.

Sophie needed lots of support during her life, with her feeding and breathing.

She died at the age of eleven, when Phoebe was seven years old.

She was quite little.

She was in a wheelchair.

She was my sister.

-Do you miss her?

-Yeah.

I've got a picture of her, by there.

This is Sophie and her favourite little doll, Teddy. And me by there.

That's nice, isn't it?

-You'll always remember her.

-Yeah.

This picture, she was in a Christmas concert at her school and she was an angel.

That's beautiful.

Did she enjoy that concert?

I think so, yeah.

At the end of the last century, Deborah and Stuart were at the Kings Church in Newport,

praying for a safe arrival for their baby.

# Yes, and a future that's you

# Yes, because I feel that I knew

# I'm not afraid of circumstances

# In fact I already found the answer

# God says yes, and I know... #

Deborah had her first child, Adam, at 17.

Now married, she believed this pregnancy was different in many ways.

The Bible says that your body is blessed when it produces children and that the fruit of your womb

is blessed as well, so therefore when you're actually pregnant,

and I've had an excellent pregnancy and I believe it's because I've just taken hold of the word of God

and just applied it to my situation.

Nice deep breath. Come on, Deb.

Go with this pain, don't fight it now.

All right?

Deborah wanted a home delivery and it was to be her husband Stuart's first taste of childbirth.

Fill your lungs with it, Deb.

Real deep breath.

Breathe, Deb, go on.

And when the time came,

community midwife Joan Thomas was on call to deliver the baby.

Go on, carry on breathing, right the way through.

-I don't like it.

-You don't like it, OK.

She didn't like it last time.

We don't get to this stage, Deb, and it not happen. It always happens.

Go on, that's a girl.

That's it, keep going, go on, Deb, that's lovely.

OK.

You've got a nice head here, Deb.

And again, push, lovely.

-He's out.

-Have you got something to wrap it in?

-You're going to be very pleased with this.

-A little girl.

A little girl.

BABY CRIES

Nice delivery.

The couple named their baby Alicia.

Today, Lissy, as she likes to be known, is 12 years old and living in Magor.

Her parents divorced and Gareth is now her mum Deborah's new partner.

I was, like, late for my bus a few times last week.

Why?

Because sometimes I wake up late and then I have to do my hair and make-up, because, like,

I can't stand having people seeing you without any make-up, because I feel so self-conscious.

Last year I was a bit of a tomboy, if I'm honest.

Like I started wearing make-up when I got to comp, but only mascara.

But this year has sort of been like

the year that I've decided to put a bit more on and stuff and get more

self-conscious as I grow up and I didn't really care last year

but I care a lot about my appearance now.

Lissy's parents, Stuart and Deborah,

separated when she was eight years old and they eventually divorced.

We always got on. It wasn't that we didn't get on.

We got on as friends, that's the thing.

But together as a couple, we was just wrong and brought out the worst in each other.

We were making each other really very unhappy.

And I think we stuck at it and worked at it a lot longer than we would have done,

particularly because of our church-going

and faith and things like that,

because when I got married, it was for life, as far as I was concerned.

I didn't ever want to get divorced and I didn't, you know,

want to be a single mum on my own or anything like that.

I didn't want Alicia and Adam to have to go through,

you know, being,

well, in that kind of modern family situation, I suppose.

You've done your hair.

I don't want you to do my hair. You never do my hair.

I do sometimes when you can't do it, I straighten it for you.

-You've done it once or twice.

-All right then.

Back in Newport, Phoebe has her hands full entertaining her younger brother Jamie.

"Little engines can do big things,"

peeps Thomas as his whistle sings.

Rattle along the Sodor rail,

he knows his way around every trail.

-What colour's that?

-Blue.

And what colour's the sky?

Blue.

-Well done.

-And white.

-I like being a big sister because I get to help things and they go to me sometimes

and they do stuff for me and we practise reading with Morgan

and we like drawing together

and we teach them to write their name and we have fun.

What are you doing, Jamie?

Drawing a circle.

Oh, Charming's in here.

Recently there has been a new addition to the Hannah family.

Oh, he's lush.

That's little Joseph.

Born ten weeks early and still being cared for in hospital,

baby Joseph is the third son for Ian and his second wife, Jo.

That's when...

Jo put his little cloud hat on.

I had him on 10th December and I was due yesterday, 17th February.

He's done really well, he's piling the weight on,

feeding more himself and coming off the oxygen, so...

When Phoebe was nine years old her dad, Ian, married Jo.

A 16-year age gap didn't stop the couple creating a new family unit together.

With Morgan, Jamie and Joseph now in the family, Jo really taking over the role as mother big-time

in this house, which was a hell of a leap for her, I mean 21, taking on

a disabled child, you know, damn near a teenager with Nathan and a little girl as well, that's a

pretty impressive jump in life, an instant family, plus going out with a pensioner as well.

That must be pretty difficult,

you know, but

we have our ups and downs. I think generally we're pretty solid as a family.

I couldn't be happier.

No, up a bit. That's OK, that's enough for now.

Where's the sponge? What have I done with the sponge?

12-year-old Lissy is almost a teenager and keen to put childlike things behind her.

It's a lovely picture!

No, no, no!

Look, it's beautiful.

That's when she was in Hampton Wick. She looks gorgeous, doesn't she?

Deborah has recently become engaged to 31-year-old Gareth.

You are still beautiful.

-Thanks, love.

-So you are planning on getting married then?

Yeah. My ring is in the kitchen. I took it off because I was doing the dishes.

But yeah, when we've got some money.

I'd get married in a black bag but, you know...

Because you've done before, I haven't but it doesn't really bother me. I love the woman and I'd

marry her in... Greggs pasty shop - I don't know!

Gareth as a stepdad...

If I ever had a house party, he'd be, like...

-getting in with the kids.

-Dancing!

All her friends think he's cool, they all want him to be their dad.

-That's nice.

-Yeah.

But she don't.

It's not the best having your mum and dad split up.

People say you are lucky because you get two of everything

and you get two rooms, but you have to look behind that.

It's not about having two rooms.

It's about the fact that it's hard having your mum and dad split up.

But I take it with a pinch of salt now.

It's not, like...

Having to talk about it makes me upset

but having it mentioned to me, it's not much any more.

I'm pretty happy with my life at the moment.

Phoebe's mum, Julie, has also remarried and lives in another town from her daughter.

So any time they get together is special.

-Look, a duck flying, Phoebe.

-Oh, yeah!

It's like it's got no legs.

They've got legs.

When you are a separated family, you've got to make the most of every moment.

I feel like it because I have less of you than everyone else, don't I?

When Phoebe comes up, I don't like sharing her, really.

When we first got divorced and the children...

It was just wiser for the children to stay where Sophie was.

All of them to stay together, so that meant one of us was going to have less time with the children.

Unfortunately that was me because Ian was the main carer.

But if I was feeling low, I could ring and the kids were with me.

I could have them at any time.

There's never been any problems, really.

So how does it work for you, then?

OK. If I want to come up then I will, but if something's happening then I won't.

For a woman,

for their children to want to stay with their dad, it is hurtful.

But they are not rejecting you. You come to realise that you are still there whenever they want you.

It is hard in the beginning, it is really, really hard, but you've just got to learn to adapt, haven't you?

Since Lissy's parents split up, telecommunications worker Stuart

has his daughter to stay over two nights a week.

-Sorry?

-When are you going to make pasta?

When am I going to make pasta? I don't know, maybe tomorrow.

When you are not here.

-With a pasta maker machine.

-Yeah, my pasta maker, yeah.

I don't know, I've got some flour, we can do some on the weekend if you like.

-All right.

-We can do some tagliatelle.

Lissy is Stuart's only child, and he is aware of the effects that divorce have had on the family.

I tried to put myself in Alicia's shoes.

I think your mum and dad are your rock in your life.

They are your life until you get into your...

late teens, I guess. Yeah, to have that blown apart must have been really hard.

I grew up in a... my mum and dad are still together.

I can only imagine what it was like.

She didn't really show it to us that she was upset but I got quite down about it.

But I think there are so many other children that both through the same thing.

I guess a third of Alicia's class in school were going through the same thing.

I thought, well,

it's not as if she was the only child in the class.

I'm sure she will tell you that she could be happier, I guess.

That's the way... life is. It doesn't always go the way you want.

Birth doesn't always go to plan either.

And at the Royal Gwent Hospital, Phoebe's new baby brother

has needed special care for the last three months.

Hello.

There he is.

-Go and see a brother. Gave him a big kiss.

-He's standing!

I'm really excited.

Now the family will be complete now.

Living as one rather than living between doors and

feeling guilty if you are spending half your time at the hospital and half your time at home.

You spread yourself around too many people and you're spread thin.

It's quite hard then because you feel anxious.

Worrying about the boys and worrying about him, worrying about Phoebe.

It'll be nice coming home because we can just sit with him, like we are now, talking...

We won't have to

go anywhere.

Not go anywhere, but he'll be able to come out with us.

-Living between doors.

-Yeah.

And we'll be able to walk around with him because Jo hasn't been able to do much

in the hospital. It will be better.

-Do you like being a big sister?

-Yeah, it's nice.

What did you prefer, being a little sister or a big sister?

Little sister.

I like little sister because I didn't have to do anything.

Big sister you have to look after him, because they are lovely.

That's a good thing though, isn't it?

Yeah.

Quite heavy.

After 101 days on the unit, Phoebe and the family can now take her new baby brother Joseph home.

At Caldicot Castle back in 1998, Deborah was heavily pregnant and working as a singing waitress.

# I love him but every day I'm learning

# All my life

# I've only been pretending

# Without me his world will go on turning

# A world that's full of happiness that I have never known... #

That's when my mum was singing on live TV.

I don't hear that often any more, but she's really good.

She hasn't been singing that much recently.

She hasn't been doing any work to do with that.

Me and my dad went to see one of the shows she was doing in Newport.

It was really good.

I had tears in my eyes because it was so long since I'd heard my mum sing. She was amazing.

That's lovely. So you are proud of your mum?

Yeah. But she is embarrassing.

I want sound as well as action. Ahh. Let's hear ahh...

Deborah used her talent to qualify as a performing arts lecturer.

That was a definite noisy in-breath there, Ryan.

As a voice teacher, she trains the performing artists of the future at Newport University.

Nee-ee-ee!

Pumpkin head!

OK, off you all go.

And juggling motherhood and work has been a constant challenge.

Pumpkin head.

I stayed at home until she was six, so she was used to me being around.

I always worked part-time, but full-time work and things like that...

I know it was very, very tough on her last year, but again you've got to go where the work is.

I know that she works. I've only just started to appreciate that.

But I didn't actually know how much it costs and stuff.

But I've learned that she does it for me and my brother and my mum's boyfriend.

I've learned she does it to put food on the table.

She's trying, and she tries hard to look for jobs as well.

In the last decade, nearly 70,000 marriages in Wales ended in divorce.

For the millennium babies, like Lissy and Phoebe, their future is growing up in blended family units.

She's drawing a picture of me.

They've all turned out really well.

Considering what they've been through, they could have been

extremely unruly kids.

Please don't, just turn it over.

Phoebe is doing exceptionally well in school and is well liked as well.

Every time she has her school reports it's always,

really sorry to see Phoebe going into the next class,

we'll miss her. It's nice to hear that.

I've never really had any bad reports about any of the kids.

You can do tricks.

I hope for my future to be either an art teacher or I would like to be

one of them people who design art for the cars and then spray it.

I want to get a nice job because if you think about

having a child first then you might not be able to provide for the child

if you haven't got a good and steady job.

If you are not educated and don't get a good job and you have a baby, it's not going to be much use.

Lissy is lucky to have access to both of her parents,

which is not always the case in family separation.

I know that...

a lot of guys go through...

the same as I have.

Families split up and a lot of men lose contact with their kids.

I just could not imagine that. That's just unthinkable in my eyes.

I want to do something fun with my life.

In order to do that I guess I have to get a job, but

I wouldn't really want to just sit in the office all day like my dad.

It's not me.

The ones of the landscape were crap.

Yeah, it's the close-up ones that are good, aren't they?

-Do I what?

-Swear very often.

Did I say crap? Is crap a swear word?

-Is it?

-Well, yeah, it's not very nice, is it?

-Oh...

Next time on Welsh Millennium Babies...

Tom makes his first public speech.

I'm going to be talking about when we raised money and how we raised money for the charity, um...

ShelterBox.

And Joseph shows off his musical talent.

Well done, Joe.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd