Are You Being Served? Bangkok Airport

This programme contains strong language

Bangkok Airport is like no other airport on earth.

-Welcome to Thailand!

-This is my best smiling.

-It's where east meets west...

-Ching-ching-ching, ching-ching-ching.

..Buddhist meets backpacker...

-That way to the beach.

-..and traveller meets trouble.

-You'll never see me in Thailand ever again.

-No, no!

-Yes.

And if the culture seems strange...

Free hugs?

-..the language seems foreign...

-SHE SPEAKS THAI

-..and you're 6,000 miles from home...

-I'm stuck in Bangkok!

..don't panic - there's an army of airport staff just waiting

to help you out.

-One way...

-How may I help you?

Argh! THEY LAUGH

..or another.

Get in the line.

So whether it's your gateway to

a million once-in-a-lifetime experiences...

It's all about love. Love, love and love.

..or just a ticket to a good old-fashioned holiday nightmare...

Look at all the cancelled flights!

..THIS is your final call.

Very happy, everyone.

-Welcome...

-Passport, please.

-..to Bangkok Airport.

It's the eve of the annual Airport Awards,

and the staff are being extra specially nice.

When I help others I feel so happy, I feel good.

Everyone wants to win the coveted award for customer service.

When someone has a problem,

they came come here and we can give them a happy ending.

But not everyone's impressed by the customer care they're getting.

That doesn't work for me at all.

Cosmos and Harry can't get a flight back to London...

This woman is so useless, you know that? Absolutely useless.

..and Will's left high and dry after a night on the town.

Is there another flight at any stage today?

But he's only got himself to blame.

Don't get drunk in Thailand, that's the key message.

The medical team rally round

when a British backpacker puts his foot in it.

-This is it.

-LAUGHING:

-It is quite gruesome.

And we meet the airport doctor who's so popular

he's got his very own fan club.

I love him.

But first, a man who loves to ask...

I love...European tourists.

Bay from VAT refunds has become

a legend in the world of customer service.

Good morning, sir.

Everybody in airport know me.

7, 8, 900.

I can meet everybody, talk to them,

when they come to me I feel very happy to take care of them.

Bay likes to make every tourist feel at home.

I like to learn English language.

Passport, please!

Thank you.

English people, they are very lovely.

HE LAUGHS

English, Japanese, Chinese... oh, and Thai!

And if you try a bit of Thai, it makes Bay's day.

When you come to Thailand you can say Thai words.

For example, hello with Thai people...

You can do like this.

And when you would like to thank them, you can use Thai word...

Like this.

And you can smile with them.

Because Bay knows that nothing speaks louder than a smile.

One, two, three.

HE SUPPRESSES LAUGHTER

Customer satisfaction is top priority for the Tourist Police too.

They may be armed,

but don't worry, they'd much rather help you out than shoot you down.

And there are more than enough tourists in trouble to keep

Teay and her team on their toes.

Thailand is just like a normal country.

The young people, they don't have experience about travelling

to another country on his own.

Today Teay's customer service skills are being tested by

British backpackers Cosmos and Harry.

Hey, look, this is our ticket here. We need to go home.

They're ending their holiday a week early,

after they were robbed on the holiday island of Ko Samui.

Money got stolen out our bag.

And then the Tourist Police in Ko Samui sent us back to Bangkok,

then we spoke to the embassy.

They practically said they can't help.

And they said to come to the airline and ask the airline

to send us home early.

But Cosmos isn't happy with the flight his airline is offering him.

I can't fly on the 25th, that's impossible. That is impossible.

That doesn't work for me at all.

On the 25th, well, what's the date today, the 21st? I told you.

What, are we supposed to sit in the airport until the 25th?

This woman is so useless, you know that? Absolutely useless.

That's too late. Hang up on this woman, cos she's doing my nut.

While Harry holds for the airline, Cosmos has a brainwave.

-Excuse me.

-Yes?

-Can you check if there's any flights

leaving with any other airlines today, for me?

They're not really travel agents, but Teay's colleague Chayakorn

seems as keen as the boys to get them on the first plane home.

Even so, Cosmos isn't impressed.

Make out they're helping you, they're not really doing anything.

Just sitting there.

But he's spoken too soon. Chayakorn has found him a flight.

-27,000 baht each?

-Yes.

-To leave...

-Is that for both of us? Two or one?

-One.

-Is that direct?

-Yup.

-One way, there?

-And that leaves tonight?

-Yup.

-12.15?

-Mm-hmm.

And when do we have to book that?

Cos I'll go and arrange for more money.

You have to book, you have to go up to the Thai Airways office.

No, listen, listen...

As Cosmos leaves to raise cash for the flight Chayakorn's found...

For both of us.

..Harry finally gets an offer of a flight from their original airline -

for half the price.

Erm, can I pay you cash, how do you want me to pay?

Card? Basically, we still have to pay, like, £400.

But at least we get home.

But they've only got an hour to confirm the flight,

and Cosmos has disappeared.

Doughnut. He's a doughnut.

I told him to stay.

Harry's got to find his mate, and fast.

Everyone in Bangkok Airport has a nickname.

It's usually given to them at birth, but it helps make them

more approachable when you're lost and confused.

In Thailand, the nicknames...big thing for us.

And first name after nicknames in Thailand.

Teay's real name is...

While Bay's real name is... Well, quite long as well.

All right, my name is...

But it's down at the airport's medical centre where you get

the best names, like Nurse Geng.

His name's not Geng at all.

My name is Pornsak.

COLLEAGUES LAUGH

My nickname Geng means "strong man" or "smart man."

-Why you laugh?

-Really? Really?!

My nickname is...

-I think this means bee.

-Honey bees. Bzz!

Bees, yeah.

There's a Dr Geng too, and a Nurse Oo.

Oo is mean...cock.

INDISTINCT

Chicken. Chicken!

But the man with the coolest nickname...

-Sawadee ka.

-..is Patpong Chainikom.

My nickname is Art, A-R-T.

My mum call me that since I was born, I don't know why.

Actually, I'm not into art, or anything.

Dr Art has been at the airport three years now,

and has got his own approach to customer service.

I believe in karma more. If you do good, you get good.

If you do bad, somebody will give you the bad things.

OK, is all done.

So try to be nice!

Dr Art's next patient is Tobias, from London.

His foot needs fixing before he catches his plane home.

I've got a wound which needs redressing,

and has just been cleaned out and stuff.

-OK.

-Can you guys do that here?

-Yes. May I have your passport?

Tobias was looking forward to five weeks island hopping with his

mate James, then disaster struck, and he's been hopping ever since.

I got this about four weeks ago.

I'd been four nights, three nights, I think.

And I had a small wound in my foot which a load of bacteria

sort of jumped into, so I went to a clinic.

They looked at it and said, "We're going to put you under

"and operate", and two hours later I'm waking up in a ward...

LAUGHING: ..with a huge hole in my foot.

Round here it's still a pretty open wound.

We just need to make sure it's cleaned and not infected again.

Show me your medical report.

Really good.

Tobias' foot is on the mend, but you should have seen it back in the day.

Nervous viewers, look away now.

This is it from about two days later.

This is it from a sort of side-on view.

That's just the skin, pretty much hanging off!

Tobias' wound was pretty horrific,

but his mate James managed to see the funny side.

I went to the doctor,

"If you amputate it, here's the address, send it home to me",

a little joke, trying to get him worried, but he was on morphine.

It was gory, but I don't get squeamish or anything like that.

This is me and the team of doctors and nurses.

My foot is still wide open down there.

But, yeah, they were all so friendly and brilliant.

-It is quite gruesome.

-Everyone's been enjoying Tobias' wound.

And now it's Dr Art's turn.

-So let's go to see the wound.

-OK.

So today we're going to clean the wound for you.

The wound is looking quite good right now, I think it is

almost healed, but it needs about two more weeks.

If it doesn't heal, you may need a skin graft.

So you need to see your doctor that you go to, go home.

-Thank you very much.

-It's a routine case,

but Dr Art knows that small acts of kindness bring their own reward.

Sometimes we have a lot of stories to learn about life,

people's life, we don't have to go out of the country or anything,

but we can learn from them.

For Tobias and James, it's been a learning experience too.

I was really impressed by the service,

the hospital treatment they get out here.

Everything's worked out quite well.

We've had very bad luck, but at the same time, had good luck.

Tobias is pronounced fit to fly.

Thank you very much for all of this, brilliant.

He can leave Thailand with a smile, an insurance claim

and a great set of selfies.

The medical centre may fancy its chances in the Airport Awards,

but they face tough competition from an unlikely quarter.

The department? Lost property? The man?

HEROIC MUSIC

Supakitti's famous for his love of superheroes.

Superhero, Batman, or Superman, Clark Kent.

He's become a hero in his own right

thanks to his superpowers of deduction.

When luggage goes missing, he can usually pull it out of the bag.

People usually push iPad on their trolley, and they forgot it.

Maybe animal, the cat, the dog, or the big Sony Bravia.

HE LAUGHS

It's very, very different.

Checked if the baggage tag is on the...you know?

Today he's helping Mark.

He think he's left his bag in visa on arrival,

and to make matters worse, he's left his wife in baggage reclaim.

My wife will be waiting at the luggage belt,

she does not know because she is not with me now.

IN ENGLISH:

Luggage, yeah.

Right now, yeah.

I put my bag down when I had visa on arrival, and I signed

and got the visa and walked through, but I left the bag behind.

So that's why they sent me up to the lost property counter,

to relocate where it is.

I exactly know where it is, but it's just

because of the border protection I can't go there.

Supakitti's mission is to reunite Mark with his luggage -

and his wife.

We call to the staff, to the passengers, to the

friends of the passengers.

We try everything, like detectives.

Using who-knows-what powers, Supakitti's on to something.

I think we've found his bag, eh? From visa on arrival.

They pass back through security and into the baggage hall.

Supakitti goes after the bag, leaving Mark to track down his wife.

I'm not sure why she's taking so long,

cos we set off at the same time, and I had the time to go up

and make the complaint and come back.

Unless she's waiting for me,

cos it looks like a lot of crowd there at immigration.

WOMAN MAKES ANNOUNCEMENT OVER PA SYSTEM

-Air France, better check it.

-You are a legend. Thank you, mate.

-Yeah, OK.

You are so lucky, eh?

Supakitti doesn't want thanks, he's just doing his job.

'I love it, I enjoy helping the passengers.'

I think it's...

It's everyday life for me.

Thank you, Supakitti, you really are a super kid.

To make things even better,

Mark spots his wife in the immigration queue.

-That's my wife.

-But she doesn't seem too happy to see him.

-Give me a hug.

-No, no, what happened?

When I clicked the photograph, I put the bag down...

-Yeah?

-..and I walked out. OK?

So I could not come back in because...you know,

I'd crossed the thing.

So I had to go out, I went to lost and found,

they were very helpful, they made sure to get my bag back,

which they did, and reunite me with my beautiful wife.

-So here you are.

-Oh, Mark, you charmer.

-You're an idiot.

-Yeah.

So, bags and family are reunited. It's another happy ending.

The annual Airport Awards are fast approaching,

and the race is on for the most prestigious award of all.

Service. Excellent service...for tourists.

But Bay won't have things all his own way.

Sawadee ka.

Information officer Jibbydoo has her eye on the prize.

When I help others I feel so happy, I feel good, but sometimes...

I'm not an angel or anything like that,

so grumpy people come to me, when grumpy passengers come to me,

sometimes I not have that much patience to...

But I will try my best, I always try my best anyway.

Customer service may be hitting new heights...

HE WHISTLES

..but after a hard morning testing the patience

of the Tourist Police, Harry's still looking for his mate Cosmos.

He's been offered a cheap flight home,

but he'll lose it unless he finds his pal in the next few minutes,

so he's using their special mating call.

That's our whistle. HE LAUGHS

When we can't find someone,

we just do this whistle and they'll come and find us.

But maybe not in the airport, maybe somewhere smaller.

HE CONTINUES WHISTLING

Maybe in the toilet. Wait one minute.

HE WHISTLES

Wait a minute, Bangkok Airport's one of the largest terminals

in the world, it's the size of 80 football pitches,

so this isn't going to work.

HE CONTINUES WHISTLING

ANSWERING WHISTLE IN DISTANCE

-Yeah, there he is.

-Oh, hang on, it has.

See, the whistle helped, I told you.

-They said we've got a flight tomorrow, yeah?

-How much?

1,300 for both of us.

-Yeah, but...

-Let's pay for it now. Ha-ha, we're going home!

I think we have to withdraw and give her the cash.

-To who?

-To these people.

Back at Tourist Police HQ, Cosmos tries to charm

Teay into helping them buy the tickets.

-Useless.

-I think...cash.

-Yeah, where's the lady gone?

-She went to the toilet.

-Here we go, another drama.

This one's not on our job at all. Useless.

They're not exactly hitting it off,

but Teay offers to take the boys to the airline desk.

It dawns on Cosmos that Harry hasn't given him

any details for the flight he's about to buy.

Listen, listen, listen, I'm not feeling this vibe.

-No, you stop talking, hold on.

-You're saying you want to...

Stop talking, bruv, cos you don't even have any money!

Can you explain to me what's happening?

Cos first of all, I'm paying for it, so before we book anything,

I want to know what's happening.

Yeah, but I don't want to transfer my money.

What time's the flight tomorrow and where does it go?

-Eight in the morning.

-And then to where?

-Bruv, it gets us out of here.

There's no details,

I want details before you start doing all this crazy shit.

-Bruv, it gets us out of here.

-Have you got details?

The money's not the problem, I just want to know the details.

Cos he's jumping around crazy.

I need to know exactly what's happening. You know what I mean?

I'm paying for the flight, I'm not going to pay for something

that don't make sense. Understand me?

Where are we going? Do you even know where we're going? I do, it's sick.

-Yes, Visa.

-Which do you trust more? Ugh!

26... No, no, 26,000, you absolute twat. 26,000.

It's a load of money, but it don't mean nothing.

While the boys argue, the money is deposited in the airline's account.

-How much did we spend?

-We're nearly there, nearly there.

And Cosmos still hasn't a clue what he's bought.

Mate, I don't even know our flight details.

We've just booked a flight and I don't have a clue where we're going.

Back at Tourist Police HQ, Chayakorn fills Cosmos in on

the ticket Harry's talked him into buying,

and he finds out there's a little stopover in Guangzhou, China.

-Flight number...

-Wait, we're there for one whole day?

-Yeah.

COSMOS SIGHS DEEPLY

-We should have just done what I said.

-It's done now.

-I told you.

-OK, thank you.

-Thanks.

-Cheers, thanks. Wow.

-Take these off us.

-Told you I did not want to stop in China, bruv.

-It's done now, innit? No point in stressing.

-No, I might change it.

Come on, let's go find my flight.

I might scrap that, I don't give a shit.

I don't want to be in China for a day.

China is... I don't like it.

With the unexpected Chinese stopover,

it's going to be a 53-hour journey back to London.

We've got a ticket and it's a load of crap,

cos we have to stop in China for 24 hours.

And they haven't really told us

much apart from we're going to China, which I don't want to do.

So now I'm off to try and find another flight.

So that was a waste of money in my eyes. And time.

Customer service can be an imprecise art, but as Cosmos and Harry

head off, at least the Tourist Police can get back to their work.

Downstairs in the medical centre, the docs are having dinner -

a spicy papaya salad not recommended for first-timers.

SHE SPEAKS THAI

We have a lot of Thai food that makes people diarrhoea.

LAUGHTER

Sometimes it's smelly.

Yeah, if you eat it too many days it can turn to be very smelly.

I will have constipation tomorrow morning.

You know what I mean, right?

The medical team love it, but for the Western tourists,

Thai food can take a bit of getting used to.

I was sick everywhere. Everywhere. Look at that on my leg. Sick.

-Everywhere.

-The doctors don't mind, it keeps them nice and busy.

I've just been vomiting since 12 o'clock today,

and yeah, just really sick.

The latest victim is Tom. He's been puking all the way from Phuket.

-Where are you going?

-London Heathrow.

-Oh, today?

It's the first time I've ever got food poisoning.

Woke up 4 o'clock this morning in Phuket for a 7am flight,

and...just started throwing up straightaway.

Just vomiting, so...

Just like uni.

Treating Tom today...

-Sawadee ka.

-..is Dr Parn.

I make this kind of case every day.

If you suffer from food poisoning

and you have dehydration or low blood pressure, you should not fly,

because it's quite a high risk of fainting on board.

But I've never seen a patient of food poisoning die in Thailand.

So, take a deep breath in and out.

Dr Parn begins her examination.

-Is there any pain anywhere?

-Just slight discomfort.

-OK.

-From pushing.

She's pretty sure it's a common or garden case of Thai tummy.

For the problem that you keep vomiting this morning,

I can give you some medication.

Yeah, sure, just as long as I get to the check-in desk.

The nurse administers Tom's medication.

If he's better I will prescribe tablets for him

today and let him fly.

He will be a little bit sleepy now

and I hope the symptoms of vomiting and nausea already stop.

-Thank you.

-Please wait...

-OK, thank you.

SHE SPEAKS THAI

Dr Parn orders half an hour's rest.

SNORING

But with that guy in the next bed, that's easier said than done.

While Tom tires to sleep,

Dr Parn creeps back to her office to indulge in her favourite pastime.

Ah, I don't want to talk about the games. I'm so shy.

Who told you this?

Who told you about the games?

Dr Parn's the latest fan of a craze that's sweeping the airport.

Candy Crush.

I keep playing it every day...until I reach the highest level now.

The doctors should not play the games

when we have a patient inside the clinic, no?

CANDY CRUSH MUSIC

DR PARN LAUGHS

The Tourist Police are getting pretty good at it.

All got quite a chill job. Just play with their phone all day.

But Dr Parn is the champion.

Don't talk with me about Candy Crush again, OK?

Game over, and Dr Parn returns to check on Tom.

-Excuse me. OK, how are you?

-I'm very well, thank you.

-Do you feel nausea?

-No.

-No nausea.

-OK, maybe after this you can try to drink water, only a little bit.

-OK.

-If you feel fine, I will prescribe tablets for you.

-OK, sure.

So, Dr Parn clears Tom for take off, leaving another satisfied customer.

Everyone's very helpful and professional and caring,

and I think...things seem to work here.

Upstairs in departures,

the competition for the annual Airport Awards is hotting up.

-On checking duty today is Officer Beam.

-Boarding pass, please.

Sounds like she's been practising her acceptance speech.

I am cheerful, I love to smile,

I am always ready to attend the needs of others.

I love to serve people.

But Beam could face a late challenge from her new colleague Barry.

-How many do you have, sir, two?

-Pardon?

-Two?

-Yeah.

I love the service, because I have

love for the passengers,

because many, many passengers,

it's not the same.

We have to make each passenger feel satisfied about our service.

We have to do our best.

Barry's customer service skills have already made an impression on Beam.

He can work very quickly and he is very clever I think,

and he is very kind.

-Yeah.

-But is her interest more than professional?

He is very lovely. BARRY LAUGHS

SHE SPEAKS THAI

She call me a meatball.

He look like a meatball! I like him, I like to hug him.

He is like a little baby.

SHE SPEAKS THAI

And, also he is, like...one of my team.

THEY LAUGH

Today, "Meatball" is trying to get backpackers Rosie and Jasna home.

They've got an e-ticket, but the airline won't let them

board without the card they bought it with,

and that's long gone.

To travel apparently we need the bank card that we

paid for the flight with, which we lost about a week ago.

Rosie hopes a copy of her bank statement will

show proof of purchase.

She's gone off to the other side of the airport to print that off,

but going to have to re-pay for the whole entire ticket

if we don't get this bank statement.

We've only got an hour and ten minutes left till the flight.

Thought I was going to have loads of time,

was going to buy some perfume, get some cigarettes...

Not going to happen now.

Got it all printed now,

so hopefully this is enough to get us on the flight.

But back at the desk, Barry isn't satisfied.

No, cos the card number will have changed now I've got a new card.

No, it won't be on here.

With no card number on the statement, Barry calls his manager.

Knew this would happen.

This has got to be our last bit of bad luck before we go.

INDISTINCT

Barry has bad news.

I already consulted the manager,

but normally you have to get the card number.

But how am I meant to get the credit cad number

when I haven't got the credit card?

Credit card is lost, so I don't have the number,

there's no way of getting it.

With time running out, Barry starts clutching at straws.

Can you remember the number? The card that you bought the ticket?

No, because it's lost, it's a massive, long 12-digit number.

-But with things looking bleak....

-May I have your passport?

..Barry exercises his discretion.

-I'm going to make a copy of your passport.

-So is everything OK?

That's OK, I accept you on board but you have to sign a form.

That's fine.

The form protects the airline against fraud.

If there's a problem they can collect the cost of the flight

direct from the girls' bank accounts.

By this time, Rosie and Jasna will sign anything.

I think it's all sorted now, think we're all good.

They're going to let us on!

It's another triumph for customer service.

You have to solve the problem of all the passengers.

Every day is a challenge.

The girls get their tickets,

and Barry gets a pat on the back from the boss.

-Man of the year, man of the year.

-Oh! Really?

-For our team.

It's departures where most things tend to go wrong.

Teenagers Bijan, Sam and Mitchell have missed their flight

after going on a bender in Bangkok.

So we couldn't make it in time.

So they're trying to get their folks back home to buy them new tickets.

If you could somehow pay for it online,

any flight towards Melbourne, I'll get on it.

Bank of mum and dad bails them out, but they've got another problem.

Every fucking time.

The fourth member of the group, Will, has gone missing.

He's a liability. Will is a liability.

I don't have a choice now, my parents have just spent, like...

Yeah, it's, like, 800 bucks.

With their new flight leaving in 90 minutes,

the boys have to check in without Will.

Oh, my God, you can drink for free on this plane as well.

As soon as they get their boarding cards, they get a message.

Will's somewhere in the airport.

Oh, my God. Probably walking around with a drip or something.

-What happened to you?

-I don't want to talk about it.

THEY LAUGH

Last night I woke up in some ditch, and I don't know how or when.

And apparently I was 30k away from our hotel, so that was the story.

Don't get drunk in Thailand, that's the key message.

But it could be an expensive lesson if Will doesn't act fast.

You have to buy an airline ticket, we've all bought one, we leave soon.

-It's time to call home.

-I missed my flight.

Ugh, because Bangkok...

The other guys have already booked a ticket,

so I don't want to stay here by myself.

I was wondering if I could use your frequent flyer points.

Yeah, lifetime golden member, yes?

OK, thank you, goodbye. All right, it's worth a shot.

Armed with his mum's points, Will races to the desk.

My mum is a lifetime Gold member.

That's bullshit.

There are some rules that can't be bent, and Will can't board,

and his mates face an agonising decision.

Or not.

-I'm so angry right now.

-I'll see you in Melbourne.

So I'm probably going to have to spend another night here.

-Good luck, mate.

-Thanks. See you.

All my friends have ditched me.

I've got another buddy.

Couldn't get a flight. She dogged me.

-Bullshit.

-She said to wait because...

-Where's everyone else?

They've gone through.

-How do you go through?

-I don't know. Bijan went up that way.

I'll see you in Melbourne.

Looks like Will's stranded in Bangkok,

unless he can come up with a plan, and soon.

Fuck. Fuck.

Fucking bullshit.

While Will ponders his future, Wayne

and his friends are still in a party mood after a fun-filled three weeks.

-British, innit? Look, I started it, I suppose.

-Right.

-That's it.

Here we go. I need this one to wash this one down.

They've got their tickets nice and safe,

and some memories that'll never fade.

Never get a tattoo in Thailand.

It's supposedly "daughter". Apparently it's "doctor".

And here's the phone number for my new Thai wife, Nani.

Wayne's been keeping his friends Kirsty and Kirsty entertained.

Apparently, he's an idiot abroad. That's what you said.

That's what she said.

Showing off. Look at that. Yeah. World's strongest man.

-Wayne, which way to the beach?

-That way to the beach.

HE CHUCKLES

Departures is that way.

Go on, Aaron. Yeah!

He's, like, made this holiday trip so funny for me.

I literally...I've been so happy.

But you can't take him into a restaurant.

-No.

-..with your mum or your dad or your nan.

Wayne's been on the beer every day. Shots for breakfast......

-What have you got? Five shots?

-Five shots.

Breakfast.

We know you like a book, Wayne.

Passengers partying at the airport is nothing new.

Beam's seen it all before.

Some passengers, they strip, take off their clothes.

Ooh, fuck me, that's strong.

Some of them drink whisky in front of me.

I just tell them, "Don't drink too much."

Yeah, that should do the trick, Beam.

As Terminator says, "I'll be back."

Ooh, fuck, better get up.

Wayne's trip to Thailand may have damaged his liver,

but it's opened his eyes.

It's the most spontaneous thing I've ever done in my life.

And as soon as I get home, it's just work, work, work,

and that's it, I'm coming straight back out to go travelling again.

I've got to do it, I think.

There's just so much to the world you haven't seen.

I've been to the most beautiful places.

One final mixer!

Ciao!

Appearances are everything at Bangkok Airport,

at least for the staff.

Customer service isn't just about helping people.

You've got to look the part.

A good appearance can create the good image of the airline.

When passengers say, "Wow, she is very beautiful,

"she look very cheerful, I want to talk to her,"

something like that.

Barry loves swapping fashion tips with the tourists.

You've got the clashing stripes and check, which is a big trend.

Exactly.

You don't even need to do nothing. The tie here...

Tuck there...

INDISTINCT CHATTER

Over at the information desk,

Jibbydoo makes a point of always looking her best.

Yes, Thai counter, we be friends to Westerners, be friends from Europe.

We were taught to respect our uniforms.

Yeah. To give the uniform the respect, and so,

the uniform will remind us of what we're doing and what jobs we are in,

and what our position is.

The tourist police always look smart...

They have this attitude about their uniforms,

and they think they are so cool,

they think they are Superman, Superwoman, in their uniforms.

I don't know.

..and the stewardesses always look chic.

Every girl's dream, to be an air hostess.

They look so perfect in their uniform, you know?

They have curves!

SHE GIGGLES

Over at VAT refunds, the staff are always well turned out.

It's their job to pay back the VAT on the items

you've bought on holiday.

It's not the most taxing job, but it can be rewarding.

In the morning, my boss give money, big money, to me.

The tourists come to me

and I give money to them.

Bay has developed his own rules for customer service.

HE SPEAKS IN THAI

First, I say good morning.

-Good morning.

-Good morning.

-Yes, sir, can I help you?

-Good morning.

-Morning!

You're both very nice.

I love to smile with them and say hello to them.

Excuse me? Where did you buy your bag?

In Argentina.

-What?

-In Argentina. In my country.

Oh. It's very nice.

Yes.

THEY LAUGH

The tourist application...

One, two, three, four, five.

Thank you.

..and the tourist is very happy when they get money back.

It is big money for you.

And if the tourists are happy, then Bay is happy too.

I'm feeling happy. And happy.

Thank you. Welcome back.

-Thank you very much.

-You're welcome.

At Bangkok Airport, the smile is all part of the service.

You come to Thailand, you be happy.

Welcome to Thailand.

Deserted by his friends and desperate to get home,

Will spent the afternoon testing

the airport's customer service values to the max.

Does a frequent flyer cover that?

Is there another flight at any stage today?

It's a lifetime Gold member.

I'm pissed off.

Is there one that I can get direct to Melbourne?

There's no way I want to spend another night in Bangkok.

Is it possible to go via Singapore?

Get me the fuck out of this fucking hellhole.

My mum is a lifetime Gold member.

# And I don't know where I'm going

# And I don't know where I'm going

# Take me home... #

Eventually, Will gets lucky.

His original airline has a flight leaving in 24 hours,

and he only needs to cough up £80 to transfer his ticket.

I'll take tomorrow's flight, for the 4,000 baht, tomorrow.

Sorted it all out.

But it does mean another night in Bangkok on his own.

Do I trust myself? That's the question.

Hello!

Down at the airport medical centre,

the day shift is winding down after another rewarding day.

Bye-bye.

All the doctors and nurses here love their work.

I am very happy. Everyone.

Several of the team have hidden talents, even secret passions.

Dr Parn has a hobby she loves even more than Candy Crush.

She's a plane-spotter.

I love the aircraft, the airplanes.

I love it, and I cannot explain why I love that,

but I love to see it.

If I have a case inside the air sight area, I can spot the aircraft,

see the aircraft taking off and landing,

and it's fantastic.

Dr Parn gets her tip-off.

A plane has just touched down with an unusual livery.

You can see that, with the heart.

You can see that livery at the tail,

especially in the heart sign...

And Dr Parn's no ordinary plane-spotter.

She's an award-winning plane-spotter.

Dr Parn, she was in a quiz show about airlines.

She looks at the tails and she looks at the aircraft,

she knows what it is. It's so cool.

I'm so proud to be the winner of that game show.

I'm so proud about the prize, the aircraft model.

And Dr Parn's not the only celebrity in the medical centre.

Meet Dr Geng - by day he's a hardworking medic.

By night, he's a pop singer, and he's about to switch roles.

I have to go to record the voice, the song,

for my new single.

That is my...my hobby.

My part-time job.

Actually, I...

I sing...suck.

HE SINGS

Dr Geng's being modest.

He shot to fame a few years - and several hairstyles - ago

on Thailand's answer to the X Factor,

much to the amusement of his colleagues.

It's funny.

He is funny because he has a baby face.

AUDIENCE SCREAMS

But Geng tries to keep his two careers apart.

I have to separate the role, OK?

This is doctor role, OK?

I am the doctor, so I treat the patient.

I don't sing while I am doing a doctor job, OK?

But in the toilet, I sing.

Just kidding!

Tonight, Dr Geng's off to the recording studio,

once he's fought his way through his adoring fans.

-Geng is very good.

-Yes. I love him.

I have the photo.

As Dr Geng heads into the city,

it looks Will has found a room for the night.

Seems fine by me.

Yep. A few semen stains.

I don't even care. I'm going to be drunk, so whatever.

Despite missing his original flight after an all-night bender,

Will hits the Khao San Road for the second time in two nights.

Go by a pharmacy.

Seriously, go by a pharmacy.

Want a Xanax.

Will's bought a prescription sedative

which can be dangerous when mixed with alcohol.

It's banned in Thailand

but it can still be bought under the counter at some pharmacies.

Looks like we're in for a good night.

Get one more beer and then my memory's going to be wiped.

Right now, I don't know, I've taken four.

But...but, if this was a non, like, trying-to-get-fucked-up situation,

this was a normal situation, you're meant to take two anyway.

So I've only taken double the regular dose.

Does that make sense?

Not really, mate,

and when in doubt, it's always best to consult your doctor.

THEY SING NOTES

Across town, in a Bangkok recording studio,

Dr Geng is warming up his vocal cords,

but those long shifts at the airport mean he's not had a chance to

master the new material.

The melody has changed and the tune has changed

from the original that I heard.

The thing is going to be good but the thing I prepared for

not that much as maybe

mega trouble to the sound engineer.

But once in the voice booth, the magic happens.

HE SINGS

His producer's happy, and the night's still young,

but Geng's too tired to rock'n'roll.

I'm going to go and eat my food for dinner,

and then I'm going to go back to my home and read my Bible, OK?

While Geng goes home to read the Bible,

Will's still popping pills on the Khao San Road.

-So, I've had five.

-Show me the packet.

Five. That's not even that many.

It's when you have more than five, your brain starts to go loopy.

THEY CHEER

Will runs into some tourists who've been stuck here

since the late '60s.

We're in Bangkok, living the dream.

Viva la, baby. Anything goes.

Just don't drink their mushroom shakes.

Why's that? They'll fuck you up?

No, they're great.

-Good times.

-Fuck.

-We brought a couple of bottles of acid out here, you know?

-Yeah?

-No!

-Yeah.

-No, we did not. He's lying.

-He's lying about that.

-You don't need to tell me about that.

-Exactly.

-Nice to meet you, mate.

-See you guys.

-See you, brother.

-Yeah, brother.

-Have a good one.

Just the drunken antics.

As Will pops his sixth pill of the night,

will he be missing his second flight of the week?

It's good.

A new day dawns at Bangkok Airport, and it's a big one, too.

The annual airport awards are just hours away.

Rehearsals are in full swing.

You don't get this kind of thing at Luton Airport.

As the excitement builds, down in baggage reclaim,

it's business as usual.

More than 60 million bags and cases come through the airport every year.

Per and Awta help track down the ones that get away.

A funny thing that I find is when the bags come out

and the passenger just runs to the bag and, "My bag! My Bag!"

It's very funny,

and they're chasing the bag like the bag is going to run from them.

Once you've picked up your bags, you tend not to hang around,

but Ali and Shannon picked up their luggage last night

and this morning, they're still here.

We've been waiting here now about nearly 12 hours, I think,

which is a bit too long.

But we literally just sat on the seats

and went to sleep with our blankets and towels.

Ali is waiting for he best friend Tracy to arrive.

Her new best friend Shannon has offered to keep her company.

Per and Awta are puzzled.

They don't know which flight their friend get in to...

so they're insisting on waiting here.

Baggage reclaim is good for reclaiming baggage,

but it's rubbish for anything else.

We haven't eaten yet. We haven't had breakfast.

We had a snack on a tiny little muesli bar,

and that's about it.

There is no restaurant or shops for them to hang out...

There isn't somewhere to have breakfast or lunch, like that.

I actually haven't had anything to drink either,

cos we were a little bit sceptical about the water here,

and there's nowhere to buy water, so...

There's a tempting selection of shops

and restaurants the other side of customs,

but once they go through they can't get back,

and with a flat phone, Ali doesn't want to risk missing her friend.

Her flight's due in at 12.05, but I'm just going to double-check

the board, and hopefully it's not delayed.

Fingers crossed.

Cos I am actually buzzing to see her. I cannot wait.

Oh, no, it's delayed!

It's delayed by half an hour.

30 minutes is nothing for a baggage hall veteran,

and the time flies by.

The queue was pretty long.

Like, last night, we waited an hour to get through that queue.

Yeah.

Now Ali just needs to pick Tracy out

from the 80,000 other passengers who land every day.

Hopefully she didn't walk past me already.

Ali's got Shannon looking out the other end of the carousel.

Ali's over there, still waiting.

But Shannon's never actually met Tracy.

I should have told Shannon what she looks like in case she goes

over there, and I don't see her.

Maybe that was a rookie mistake.

She's about my height,

-and she's really curly haired.

-OK.

It's really curly.

It's like ringlet-y curly hair she has.

After all that, it's Tracy who finds Ali,

and there's not a curly hair on her head.

Are you OK? What's going on?

That's her!

Ali introduces Tracy to Shannon,

Tracy tells Ali and Shannon how she had her hair straightened,

and after their 16-hour mini-break in baggage reclaim,

the girls are off on the rest of their holiday.

Up in departures, Beam is boarding another plane load of Brits,

among them Tom, none the worst for that food poisoning scare.

-I'm going to London Heathrow.

-Yes. Passport, please.

Thank you.

I went to the medical centre, cos I've had food poisoning,

-I've been very ill, so they gave me a certificate to fly.

-Ah.

And asked maybe if I could...if there are any available seats,

-maybe nearer the toilet or an aisle seat. Yeah?

-OK, sir.

-One moment, please.

-Or business class(!)

Business class? You may pay!

Never mind, Tom, it was worth a shot.

If it was me, I'd want to be upgraded as well.

When I feel not well, when I feel sick,

I want to sleep and sleep on the business class,

so that's normal, but try to deal with them,

try to explain to them that it is a little bit against the rules...

Tom makes do with a seat near the toilet,

but the knockback from, Beam, like his vomiting and diarrhoea,

won't put him back coming back to Thailand.

I love this place and it's certainly not the last time I'm coming back.

Tom's not the only one heading home.

Defying the odds, and medical science,

Will has made it back to the airport on time.

At last, he's homeward bound.

I could be home, in my bed, in 18 hours,

which sounds pretty bloody good.

That's my thinking fingers.

Thailand's a weird place and it does weird things to weird people.

Don't go to Thailand if you want your sanity kept.

And now I'm in Bangkok Airport, which is bloody huge

and I don't know what I'm doing right now.

Hey, mate. How's it going?

You're flying tonight?

-Yesterday, cos on the 23rd, I had a flight booked.

-You missed the plane.

-That's right. Yeah. So, you remember me?

-Yes.

-Of course.

I've never met that person in my life, but apparently I have, so...

# So wake me up when it's all over

# When I'm wiser and I'm older

# All this time I was finding myself... #

How much are the noodles? What are these?

Are these good or bad? Not...not too spicy?

-But after dawdling at the shops...

-And that. I'm going to be a pig.

300.

..he's running late again.

If I miss this flight again, I'm actually fucked.

Oh, shit. Enjoy!

Will's going to miss the main event,

because the annual airport awards are underway.

In an airport where the customer comes first,

the boss is rewarding the best of the best.

I am very proud of my airport.

It's our pride, pride of the nation.

You see my smile? A big smile.

But everyone's waiting for the big one, the award for customer service.

MUSIC PLAYS

After a show-stopping performance by a Bangkok dance troupe,

the winner is finally announced.

Will it be Teay from the tourist police,

Parn the plane-spotter, or Geng, the singing doctor?

No, it's Bay,

and the VAT refunds team!

I'm proud. I'm proud. Really, I'm proud.

See this certificate?

I love my work.

I love my job. I love tourists.

Next time at Bangkok Airport -

things get lost in translation at police HQ.

You told me to fucking shut up!

OK? When my daughter was missing!

There's confusion in customs as Helena from Moscow

tries to bring in her cat.

-How long are you staying here, ma'am? SLURRED:

-..Go home...

She is extremely drunk.

We meet Captain A, the airport's bossiest immigration officer.

Back in the line!

And Hannah gets stuck at the airport after a bad fall,

when we check in again at Bangkok Airport.