The Grandest Jewel Thief Cagney and Lacey

DOG WHIMPERS Come on, Ralphie.

BACKGROUND MUSIC: "Air on the G String" by Bach

It's dumb. I can't tell jokes. It is NOT dumb. Listen.

How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I give up. How many?

So what's it worth to you?

Oh, come on, it was a riot!

Well, I'm sure it was funny when you heard it.

How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? I hate early shifts. Jokes will liven it up.

I don't know any! How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? How many?

Four. One to screw in the bulb and three to be supportive!

Ha-ha(!)

'Any unit, 1052 the Dunhill Hotel.

'Disturbance in progress.' How about it? You can joke 'em into jail.

Almost funny.

Car eleven responding to last.

HYSTERICAL: Stop! He's got my baby! Stop him!

You cretin! I'll make you pay! Not in front of the baby!

We're cops. Now ease down, huh? That creep stole my baby!

If it wasn't for this gentleman...

He's my kid too! The court gave ME custody. Enough!

Is everybody all right?

Are you OK, baby? BLOWS A RASPBERRY

If it wasn't for this gentleman, God knows what would have happened!

He saved my child too, dammit!

The court didn't figure you'd skip to New York.

We're from Pennsylvania. How do I visit my boy on weekends

when she moves to New York?!

Serves you right! That is all the discussion we're gonna have here.

Come on, we're going down to the station.

You go with them. Go ahead.

Ah! Naughty boy! Feisty, isn't he? He's lost his manners, I'm afraid.

But I haven't. Kyle Berryman.

Your servant...and your admirer.

Christine Cagney, detective, 14th precinct. Oh! Yes.

That was a very brave thing you did tonight.

Most people don't want to get involved. I didn't mean to.

I walk my dog here, at this hour.

I just did what old fools are best at. I got in the way.

Nothing more heroic than that.

Don't disillusion me. Heroes are scarce. I think I've found one.

So you're really a detective?

I'm afraid you'll have to come down to the precinct to make a statement.

It's a bit late and I'm a bit old. Must I?

You're a witness. Oh, dear.

I'm sorry. It will take some time. That's the price of goodwill.

But I can give you a ride home afterwards. Do you live nearby?

I'm living at the Dunhill Hotel now.

Great. Then there's no problem.

Something tells me that you're very, very good at what you do.

And it has nothing to do with your obvious beauty. Ha! You're a pistol!

At my age, one doesn't have much time to waste.

One doesn't have much of anything to waste!

Like it? You're not going to wear it without earrings(?)

I was thinking of it for Julie.

Those look like awfully good stones. It's worth over 30 grand.

Is that the evidence? Yeah. Uniforms found it. And turned it in to US?

They figure it relates to the Waldorf robbery last month. Drop it in here.

Julie's gonna be heartbroken.

She deliberately took my son out of state so I wouldn't see him again.

So I did something. I'm human! He didn't give a damn

about the child before the divorce. Now look at him, all father love!

I filed a warrant for non-support.

You wouldn't dare! I did!

We are in a police station. We need to keep a civil tongue.

I will check on any outstanding warrants.

What do you know about love?

What do YOU know about love? THE END!

You stay put. Mrs Tartaglia, will you step this way, please?

Are you all right?

Mm... Oh, yes.

I was thinking of my own wife.

But that was many years ago. She's dead.

I'm sorry. Give me one more minute and you're free to go.

And lose your company? Type very slowly, my dear.

Mr Berryman? Yes.

I heard what happened last night. We're proud of you.

The lieutenant will put you up for a commendation.

You could win the Daily News crime-fighters award. That's $1,000.

I really appreciate your thanks.

But I don't want an award or money.

I simply did my civic duty. That's enough.

Er...if we are finished.

Sign and we are finished.

Where? Right there.

Then we're finished. Thank you.

To fate.

Without it, we'd have never met.

Please. I'll swoon!

Let's go home, Ralphie.

Goodbye. Au revoir.

Is all that homework done? I got an A in Maths.

Very good, but I think you're evading my question. He hit the books. Comic books!

You gonna be able to sleep? Yeah.

I have to be back at 4pm. It's almost 8. How many hours is that?

Eight. Perfect.

Crazy night shift's really gotta take it out of you, huh?

Yeah. I'm on straight days tomorrow.

Your back bothering you again? No. Why?

Eight o'clock. We're late! Come on, kisses.

All right. I gotta run. Careful on those streets. You take care of your brother. Take it easy.

Bye.

You remember Sandra Lockenstein? She's in town. She called. Oh?

Yeah. They still in Pennsylvania? I think so.

SHE LAUGHS What's the matter? I don't care if your old girlfriend calls you.

She's in town for a few days. She was wondering if we could go to lunch.

I said I would take her.

What do you think? Tell her hi from me. You don't mind?

Honey, you love me.

Good night.

How can you eat that? I love it.

Are you handling the warrant on the guy you brought in last night?

Yeah, but we gotta find it first.

Sushi! Yeah. May I have a piece of your eel, please? Sure. Eel?

I used to eat this stuff by the ton until I found out about all the mercury in it. See!

I hate family disputes. Anything about love, people go crazy.

Punching and screaming are just ways people work out their problems.

Look at this! What?

An outstanding warrant for Kyle Berryman. For what? Nonpayment of alimony.

He told me his wife had died.

Wishful thinking?

No, that's a current warrant. The man has to be arrested.

Mary Beth, forget it! The guy does a good deed and that's the pay-off?

Let's go.

Come on. No. I'm not going to do it.

Chris, on your right.

I really hate this a lot.

Mr Berryman.

Good evening, ladies.

Er...you're under arrest.

Good morning. What's going on?

Petrie and I had a riot in a disco last night. This is the last bunch.

We've been backlogging uniforms since 3am. Sorry we missed it.

You girls were probably home asleep, having sweet dreams.

Sure. Wait a minute.

Mr Berryman? Good morning. I hope you didn't spend all night in there, sir.

They were supposed to cycle you through central booking.

Apparently there was a disturbance at some disco. Oh, I'm sorry.

Hiya, Ralph. Come on. Thank you.

Did you get any sleep? I rested my eyes. I'm not used to this.

I'll see what I can do to get you out of here. You want a doughnut?

Thank you.

How about some coffee? No, thank you. Sign me in, Mary Beth. You like it here?

Most of the time. I like my work. You love your work. You're very good at it.

How do you know?

Yes, I am. Perhaps even better than that. Thank you.

Sit down, Mr Berryman.

Maybe if we call your wife she'll drop the charges.

No, she's adamant.

The only thing I worry about is Ralph.

Is there someone who can take care of him? Perhaps my nephew.

I tried to reach him but he travels.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm sure we can work something out.

Right, Ralph? DOG BARKS

I said no. Haven't your kids always wanted to have a dog?

They had a dog, twice.

I'm not going through that again. What happened? They were run over.

Both of them? That's what dogs do.

"He went to live on a farm" won't work any more. I can't take the responsibility. Me neither.

You're used to it. You got yourself a pet.

'All units, we have a 1010, possible assault or homicide in progress.

'623 East 23rd Street.'

That's two blocks from here. Swell. Car eleven responding. Take it easy. SIREN BLARES

You'd better crack the window. What for? He'll suffocate.

I don't want this car stolen again, especially with him in it! He's your dog. Stay!

I can't take this responsibility. Ralph...heel.

Police, folks. Who here reported a homicide? Homicide? I just said they were killing each other.

Please step inside. Police! ANGRY VOICES INSIDE

Thank you, ma'am.

Open the door, please.

Good morning. Police. Detectives Cagney and Lacey. Hello. You can't just come in like that!

Who else is in here? No-one. We heard voices. TV.

My brother and I were watching TV but it broke. Where is he? Who?

Your brother. He's... What's in here?

The bathroom. My brother, he's in the bathroom. Stand over there.

Police. Open up.

It's just a family quarrel. Open up or I'm coming in. He's shy. Quiet!

Chester, I was just telling them about our little tiff.

Yeah.

Move away from the door, please. It's occupied. Move!

On the wall right here. There's no need, really.

Families, you know how they are. He forgot Mother's birthday.

You two want to get down on the floor? NOW!

Take a look.

Expecting trouble?

They're cataloguing the stuff now. About half of it they were able to ID on the spot.

A warehouse order. Anything on how they got the police scanners?

Christmas presents. That's what our fence is saying. Why did you try to rob a fence?

I didn't know he was a fence. Anything from records?

On their way.

Excuse me, Miss Cagney. Haven't you been released yet?

I'm interrupting. This is a charade!

I'm sure your charade is more important than mine. I'll wait.

No. I'm sorry. This is absurd. No, no, I've just been released.

I finally reached my nephew. He brought the bail. Oh, good.

I don't want to take up any more of your time. Where's Ralph?

I'm sorry. I took him to my loft.

Is this something major? Some punk tried to rob a fence. Good Lord!

Ralph's all right. I left the TV on. He loves that. Good.

I'll be home by 8.30. Do you want to come by tonight? That's fine. I'll get you the address.

Something the matter? I was merely thinking of timing.

Oh.

Oh, thank you. Goodbye, Miss Cagney.

I'll see you tonight.

Want some more coffee? No, not another one, please.

I've got to be at Macy's soon.

Your sister. Joyce. I remember. Her husband was a dentist, right?

Harvey... What? It's really nice seeing you again.

And, er...let's do try and keep in touch.

Nineteen was a good age, wasn't it? Yes.

I have to go. Be sure and tell Mary Beth and the boys hello from me.

How much longer will you be in town? Well, until Thursday.

Maybe we could get together again for something to eat, drink.

Just to fill up the holes. Well...

This is where I'm working. Give me a call. We'll set something up.

Whatever you want.

OK, Harvey.

Bye. Bye.

Oh, God.

Ever hear of a guy named Albert Grand?

No. My dad used to talk about him. A very, very big hot-shot thief.

So? So he's in Rosen's file.

He and Grand were in prison together.

He wrote Rosen a letter of recommendation for parole. Think they still have some connection?

No. Grand retired years ago.

No, we're not talking about the nickel and dime guys you get today.

Compared to Grand, Brinks was nickel and dime. See? That big! Style! D'you know style? Yeah.

No, you don't know. You can't. It's a whole other world, my dear.

Here. Is that Grand's book?

It's Classic Criminals. There's a chapter on Grand. Let me see.

His specialty was hotels. Here. "The one that got away."

You could only get him on some other trumped up charges - taxes.

That's right.

I don't believe it. What? It can't be.

It just can't be! Released March 5th, 1974.

Grand and Rosen met here today and he never let on. He never blinked.

Bring him in. For what?

The Waldorf robbery. It sounds like his MO.

He'll be at my apartment soon. Get him! Yes, sir.

That's weird. What? I left the TV set on. Ralph!

Ralph!

What?

"Thank you."

Huh?

He left a $20 orchid in a glass of water?

No, he put it in one of the vases I keep on the bookcase.

You really think the Waldorf Hotel robbery was Grand?

Sure fits his MO. Non-violent, very sophisticated tools.

Used his own men as doormen and desk clerks. Ties the rest up.

They got away with $400,000 the last three weeks. Why risk another job now? The thrill of it.

He wrote a book in prison. I got it out the library. It was lousy.

Wouldn't that be something if Albert Grand was back in action again?

I think that's exactly what he'll do.

Something daring and intricate. And embarrassing to the Department.

He's a thief, not a movie star! PHONE RINGS

Detective Lacey, 14th.

Yes, sir. Christine, it's him. Albert Grand on four.

Detective Cagney.

'My dear, I'm so glad I caught you.' So am I.

Thank you for taking care of my doggy.

Somebody try and trace this call. You already have, more than enough.

'I also wanted to apologise'

in case I disturbed anything in your home.

It suited me just to take the dog.

How did you get in? You left the locks open. I never leave them open.

I need a trace on a call. Mr Berryman...

Er...I so enjoyed meeting you.

I hope you don't think I'm being forward, but could we meet again?

Maybe have a drink or take a walk in the park... Walk in the park?!

'Unfortunately I'm leaving town soon,'

otherwise it would have been my pleasure. I wanted to say goodbye,

'dear Miss Cagney...'

I suppose the cat is out of the bag. You are quick.

We are trying to keep him on the line.

Yeah. We found your picture in the squad room.

But, Mr Berryman, or Mr Grand,

I really meant what I said about wanting to meet you again.

I've heard of you for many years. I even have a copy of your book.

If we meet again, I'll autograph it. Would you?

We've been on the phone for approximately one minute and fifteen seconds.

You need at least three minutes for a trace.

I, er...

HE HANGS UP Thank you(!) Never mind.

Not enough time. God, he's smooth! You're trying too hard.

Sir, may I suggest we call the robbery squad in on this. They have more expertise. NO!

I want us to crack this on our own. No problem.

I'm going to do some research.

Lacey, I think I know a guy who could help.

Nathan Bardo, information broker. Stoolie. Give him my regards.

So what is he? In the book?

We're sitting and we're talking. What more do you want?

I know that Lt Samuels would appreciate your cooperation.

He's the reason I ain't thrown you out of here yet. That's what he is.

Well... You ain't exactly got the lay of the land.

Bardo's off limits to cops. That's the way it's been for 50 years.

That's how I stay in business. I'm sure you're a very good businessman, Mr Bardo.

When did you last see Albert Grand? Cotton Club, 40 years ago.

Well, we were hoping to ask him some questions

about the Waldorf robbery. Is that so?

We also suspect that something else might be happening soon. Mm-hm.

He uses police scanners and acetylene torches now. Got any word of that recently? Yeah.

I've heard something. Oh, you did. So he is gonna do something?

Yes.

Why did you tell me?

Mr Bert Samuels called and said let you in here.

So I let you in here.

Mr Bert Samuels called and said talk to you, so I talk to you.

But Mr Bert Samuels don't own me.

You tell Mr Bert Samuels this is gonna cost him something.

Yes, sir. I will do that.

Mr Albert Grand is gonna know you've been here. Yes, sir.

You've used up your goodwill.

Yes, sir.

Hey, would you take this stuff? It is burning my hand. Harvey!

You love this junk. As a kid, I did. Now I have to watch my figure.

All the guys are watching your figure! You!

Harvey? Huh?

Don't you have to get back to work? You'll get in trouble.

I'm my own boss. Am I gonna fire myself?!

You've done all right, haven't you?

Been a lot of years, Sandra.

I take one look at you, it's all here again.

Harvey... What? I don't know how to say this. Just say it.

I want to make love to you.

I can't.

Forget it. I'm sorry. Just forget I said it. No, whoa, whoa!

It's all right. I just wouldn't know where to begin. I just can't. OK?

I understand.

I've got a husband and you've got a wife. That's it. She's my wife.

Sandra...hey.

I can't because I want to.

I've been thinking about you.

I can't.

That must be a pretty good book, huh?

Mm.

It must be a terrific book. You've been reading it for three hours!

Albert Grand would case a hotel for six months.

He'd rehearse three or four times to get his timing right.

No kidding.

Aren't you a little overenthusiastic about this?

Did it occur to you that we met him in front of the Dunhill?

He's a fascinating man. Oh, good. Maybe he'll invite you to dinner.

I feel like I know him. Yeah?

Where were you two gonna hit next?

I'll let you know when I find out.

Good night.

Good night.

Excuse me.

Oh, excuse me. I thought you were somebody else.

CAR HORN HOOTS

'Detective car eleven.'

Car eleven. 'New Jersey State Police confirm a stolen vehicle.

'Alport Cleaners, laundry truck. Licence number XGN791.

'Reported missing from Alport Cleaners' garage last Tuesday.' Ten-four. Request back-up.

'Ten-four. Back-up on the way.'

Ready?

Police! Stop what you're doing. What's the problem?

No problem. Just up against the wall.

Up against the wall! Turn around. You, around!

Argh!

You're lucky you weren't killed. He could have killed me, but he didn't. Why were you there?

That's where we first met Grand. So what? You have to know Grand.

You have to feel the way he thinks.

Oh, and you do? I do. All right, I'll buy what you're saying.

You saw the police walkie-talkies, all that stuff fits Grand's MO,

but he'll stay underground. This was too close a call. I don't think so.

Oh, you don't think so? No, I don't.

He came this close to being burnt!

Maybe what I tripped on was only a rehearsal. If it was, he won't go through with the robbery now.

He's not gonna back off. You're really committed to this. You bet.

Well...

Well, we could open the door on his pal Rosen.

That might give us a lead if anything's happening.

Cagney. Yes, sir?

Don't go walking around the streets by yourself at night. Yes, sir.

Cagney. YES? Don't be impatient with me either.

Yes, sir. You beat Albert Grand, there's promotion in it for you.

Heard Chris had a close one last night. Yeah. You're really after Grand. One of us is.

Petrie! I got something for you.

I can't believe you're eating that.

It's protein. I've been saving it since this morning.

This guy must hold the record for the longest shoe-shine in history.

Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!

He's making his move.

There he goes. I'm never going to be able to finish that.

I don't believe it. We lost him!

There. Come on.

Get the button.

How could you possibly follow the wrong guy out of an elevator?

If Samuels wants to bust my chops... We're not. ..but you don't have the right. Like hell!

Cagney! In here.

Are you satisfied? Don't talk to me like that. We blew it.

You will NEVER call one of my people incompetent again! D'you understand?

I do. I overreacted. Yes, you did.

Petrie is one of the best, most intuitive cops I ever worked with.

Isbecki...is solid.

I'm sure there were extenuating circumstances

to their losing the tail.

I'm sure that's very gracious of you.

I think you're miffed because your little theory was shot all to hell.

I don't see any reason... You had the Dunhill on the brain,

then suddenly Rosen veered to a totally different hotel.

Grand is that good, Cagney. That's why he is who he is. Beat it.

TV PLAYS These guys on TV, they kill me.

This stuff's got nothing to do with reality. That's why I watch it.

I didn't think your reality was all that bad.

Parts of my reality are terrific.

Hey, I'm sorry.

I just had a bad day.

You wouldn't believe how lousy... Look, look.

Mary Beth... Here come the guns. Those guys draw their guns more

on one show than I do in a year.

Mary Beth... Hm?

What? I love you.

I love you. Did I miss something?

I just wanted you to know.

I know.

Look at that!

Tough being left out of things, isn't it?

It's her thing! This is just one race she's running alone.

Would you get outta here?! Mary Beth. Yeah?

It's tough being left out of things.

You've got "Park Crest" written 300 times on that piece of paper.

I know it.

I didn't get to bed till four this morning.

I can't stop thinking about him.

Christine, what you are doing here is not normal.

This man is all you think about. You want work, we got work here.

He's in your thoughts all the time. You hardly know him.

But I feel like I know him better than my own father!

You need a head doctor, Christine. Maybe I do.

He's world-class, Mary Beth. Think about that. World-class.

Oh. So the one who catches him is also world-class?

PHONE RINGS

Detective Lacey, 14th.

Yes, sir... Yes, sir.

Were there any witnesses?

Yes, sir. If uniforms aren't there within ten minutes, call me back.

Detective Lacey... Yes, sir. Thank you.

A laundry truck has been stolen. So what? An Alport Cleaners' truck.

Wasn't Albert Grand in an Alport Cleaners' truck at the Dunhill? Huh?

He did that to throw us off.

How? Alport Cleaners service the Park Crest, not the Dunhill.

How do you know that? I called yesterday and found out.

He's gonna do it! He's gonna hit the Park Crest.

Come on! I'm coming. If a man calls me back in ten minutes...

Slow down and we'll get there!

He's good. All that jive about the Dunhill!

Hey...

I'm getting him, Mary Beth. I'm getting Albert Grand.

'All units in the vicinity of the Park Crest Hotel, possible 1030 in progress.'

Tell them we have it. Christine says we have it.

Police, sir. Where are they? Everything is in order. May I look in your vault room? This way.

Christine. What?

Chris, that's Rosen.

It's a ruse. He faked me out. He's hitting the Dunhill!

You the manager? Yeah. Police. We think you're being robbed.

Really? We haven't had any reports. Where are your safe-deposit boxes?

In the vault, on the second floor. Take us there!

Timing.

This hotel has a security system that cost $1.2 million!

Well, you should have spent more.

Hey, hey, hey, keep cool!

Can you smell it?

Oil? No, coolant. Where do you get your information? Stand back, sir.

We can cordon the area off. Christine! What?! It's OVER.

You gave it your best shot.

Let's see what's missing.

Don't touch anything. Don't touch it, sir.

GRAND: 'Hello, Christine. I'm going now.

'I hope this message is some small consolation.

'You see, no-one ever came closer.

'No-one.'

Dammit.

'..some small consolation.

'You see, no-one ever came closer.

'No-one.'

'Hello, Christine.'

Subtitles by BBC - 1994