Victimless Crime Cagney and Lacey

CAR HORNS BLARE

I don't mind getting up at dawn for court. But when the judge continues it

cos the lawyer isn't organised, it ticks me off! Oughta be used to it. I never get used to it!

A man robs a drugstore, six witnesses ID him, the lawyer says he needs to get his case together!

He doesn't HAVE a case! We'll lock him up. I want to lock the lawyer up. See how he played the judge?

I don't think Judge Burns noticed. He was napping. CLUNKING

If Isbecki didn't fill this tank, I'll kill him. It's half-full!

CAR SPLUTTERS Great(!)

CAR HORN BEEPS Hey, go around us!

What do you think? Could be the fuel pump, could be the carburettor, could be the manifold.

You know what you're talking about? Yeah. Sort of.

I'm calling the police garage. Great, Mary Beth(!) Some grease monkey will ride up like John Wayne

and say, "What seems to be the problem, little ladies?" Can it fix the car, Christine?

"Well, well, well... Two of New York's finest little ladies in distress."

DOGS BARK

Everything will be fine... In broad daylight, on 48th Street, he pulls out a rifle and starts shooting.

We are doing the best we can. Tessie has stopped eating, she won't go for her walk... Poor little thing!

Yeah, poor Tessie... DOG SQUEALS Hey, I'm just making nice!

We're trying to do what we can! SQUEALING Sorry, I didn't mean...

This is the squad room, Monsieur Benoit. Our detectives operate out of here. How you doin', La Guardia?

Fine. That's my boy. We have an excellent pension programme for our older police officers.

SQUEALING AND BARKING

Please, please... I'll take care of everything. I'm a dog-lover, too!

Everything is going to work out fine. Just give me a little time... Bert... Bert, you got a minute?

Just a minute, Daniels. ..My best detectives are on it! Community relations are important to us.

What can I do for you? Monsieur Yves Benoit from the Public Relations Office of the Paris Police.

M Benoit, Lt Bert Samuels, 14th Precinct. How you doin'?

Very pleased to meet you. M Benoit is here to observe police procedure in New York, as part of a programme

of co-operation between Paris and Washington. He asked to observe a typical precinct.

What better place than the 1-4? I know you'll take care of him, show him how a top-notch team operates.

I am swamped with cases. I got no time! Terrific. He'll be in the middle of things, front-row seat.

M Benoit! I'll leave you in Lt Samuels' capable hands. If there's anything he can do, let him know.

Au revoir, Monsieur. Thank you. Thanks, Bert.

- Well, uh... would you like a cup of coffee? - That's very kind, Lieutenant.

There's some over there. Help yourself.

We could be here for DAYS! Relax. They're sending somebody now. Don't count on it. This is the police!

I don't want to hear one word about women and cars! Why should he make a crack? These department mechanics

are all clowns. I took my sports car in, one suggested I turn it in for an automatic station wagon!

GUNSHOT You hear that?

Small-calibre pistol. GUNSHOT

I'm a police officer. What happened? In here! Get inside your apartment. Stay out of the hall!

Police! Open up!

POLICE!

Backup? No, let's go in. We heard gunshots.

Police officers! Back away from the door, put your hands in the air.

Good. Everybody...! Good.

We heard gunshots from this apartment. We're making a movie. Anybody fire this gun?

No, it's just a prop. Just makes noise, no bullets.

Everybody put their hands down.

Do you have a filming permit from the City? It's not for commercial distribution. It's a student film.

I have an idea what type of film it is. It's not educational, and it's also illegal, even WITH a permit.

We're going to walk out of here, pretend we didn't see any of this. Next time, we run you in.

Does everyone understand that? Hey! Don't you have anything better to do than hassle artists?

Do you want me to seize the film? We can see how "artistic" it is!

I thought only MEN cops got a kick out of harassments. We could book everyone... No, Officer. Thank you.

OK, what was that? We should have made the collar! We book 'em, they get out on their own recognisance,

it's years to go to trial and they skate out on the First Amendment. Artistic freedom! It's pornography!

Porno collars are a big waste of time. ..Well, look who finally got here!

You ready for this?

Excuse me! We're the officers that made the call!

Figures.

Pornography is against the law. The Supreme Court can't even agree on a definition of pornography,

much less a municipal judge! In this city alone, 17,000 hookers were arrested.

You guess how many of them they convicted! 12. That's right.

So it's a lousy collar, it's low-priority. It's a victimless crime. Victimless crime, sure(!)

They should enforce the law, or repeal it! You got my vote. Now, we got robbers to deal with.

How can you be sensitive to children and not care about animals? I don't like dogs. Dogs are people, too!

No, they're dogs - or they'd be called people. A guy's shooting at them. We gotta put him away!

He used a BB gun. The dogs aren't injured. Why's he shooting at dogs? For not using pooper scoopers.

Pooper scoopers? Portable waste-disposal system. Nothing like American technology!

I'm running a check on all the known psycho collars in the last three years.

Psycho collars? Yeah, fruitcakes with records. How interesting.

What is the name of that attractive brunette woman?

You mean the blonde, don't you? No, the other one.

She's married. She wouldn't even fool around. Det Mary Beth Lacey. Thank you.

Thank you very much.

I hope I am not disturbing you, Det Lacey. My name is Yves Benoit. How do you do? What can I do for you?

I'm here from the Paris Police to observe the precinct. Well, welcome. Meet my partner, Christine Cagney.

How do you do, Mrs Cagney? It's Miss Cagney, or Ms.

"Detective" would do. Please, excuse me. ..So, do you have many women detectives on the force?

Not as many as I'd like, but it got better the last four or five years.

Perhaps you would like to 'ave a drink after work? Oh, thank you!

Thank you, but my husband, Harvey, will be waiting dinner at home. Of course. Perhaps some other time?

You never know!

Excuse me.

What do you think? About what? About Benoit! He's cute, isn't he?

Nice teeth, and I didn't see a ring on his finger. Well, Mary Beth, if you're having trouble with Harv...

I'm talking about YOU! I made it very plain to him I'm married. That has never stopped a Frenchman!

He was just being polite. I am the soul of discretion. Not a word to Harvey. Christine, stop. Ssh! Stop!

Mmm! Mmm! Stop it! Cagney, Lacey! Where are those DD5s on the supermarket hold-up?

The car broke down on the way back. And there was this pornography business. Pornography business?

There were some shots fired. They were not shots! They were blanks for filming. Anybody injured? No!

But, since there appeared to be an illegal movie... I get it. Cagney wants to score points on Vice.

That's not true! I said we'd leave, which is what we did. Next time, we run them in. That's good for you(!)

But I want to see those reports on my desk. I need 'em two hours ago! Yes, sir.

I mean, they don't have men with moustaches that keep their socks on any more. I know that.

Harv and I went to one of those... X-rated movies. We left after ten minutes. How did I guess that(?)

Oh, don't tell me. You like them!

No, I... Actually, they're very repetitious, but some of them are OK! OK?

How can you call garbage like that OK?

It is not rape, or murder. If people want to watch it, they have a right to! This IS America!

Well, I don't like it! So we ban it, cos Mary Beth doesn't like it?!

I don't understand how OTHER people like it!

Why not? Cos it doesn't happen in a bed in Queens, under the sanctity of holy matrimony?! Wait a minute!

Who made YOU God? Or the arbiter of everyone else's morals? I didn't mean that. You could've fooled ME!

It's not a victimless crime. That's all I'm trying to say. It degrades women, it degrades everybody.

So don't look at 'em. I can't avoid it! It's everywhere - billboards, TV... Half-naked women being used

to sell anything from cars to cola! Sexual merchandising. "Buy this, you get the woman, too!" It stinks.

I don't like it, and YOU shouldn't like it, either. Have you finished?

Yeah, for the moment. Good. I'm going home. ..Good night.

The dog was with you in your cab? Yeah, for extra protection. I stop to let him out to do his business,

and, next thing I know, he's barking bloody murder! Did you see who shot at him? No, I thought he was dead.

We'll canvas the area for witnesses. 59th St and Lexington. You got 200 people you can talk to.

Close your eyes.

Voila!

Fancy! That's a croissant!

How nice! Much better, of course, in Paris. The same's true of bagels.

I mean, they don't taste the same outside New York. It's the water. Have you ever been to Paris?

Me?! No! Harv and I... We've been to Florida, Atlantic City, the Jersey Shore. That's about it.

Tell me, where do you get your hair, uh...

How do you say...? Designed?

Done. We say "done". Um, a little place on Casino Boulevard.

It's very alluring.

HI! Uh, Mr Benoit just brought me a croissant. Wasn't that nice? Good morning, Mr Benoit. Good morning.

PHONE RINGS I'll get it. Det Lacey, 14th.

Who?

Sir, slow... Just talk slower, sir.

Yeah. Talk slower, sir.

What?

Well, did you look closely? All right, just sit tight, don't touch anything. We're on our way. Yeah.

Remember that apartment we were at yesterday? 732 Clinton? A tenant called. There's a naked man...

in the...doorway of Apartment 102.

What's he doing? Nothing. Laying there, face-down, not moving.

Fascinating.

MAN: All right, move it along here. Back up for us.

Detectives Cagney and Lacey. ..Anything?

Nothing on the surface. No bullet holes, knife wounds or bruises.

Identifying marks? The best I can do is an abdominal scar, right side.

Give us a call after you work him up. You got it.

Even took the sheets. Won't take long to dust for prints in here!

We should have made the collar. Could have prevented it. Maybe. He could have died of natural causes.

Come on - he was naked! So? So, they were making pornographic movies yesterday! Remember?

People and movie cameras and lights! Where did they all go? How come nobody called an ambulance?

The answer to that's obvious. I don't think it's obvious! Come on, we'll talk to the Super.

Like nothing ever happened... Like we imagined the whole thing.

What did the landlord say? He paid the rent with cash, a month in advance. Get a name? JD Salinger.

Did you run it? It's a phoney, sir. Salinger was a writer. He was very hot in the '50s.

Yeah?

Oh, yeah!

Bert?

Hello, Bert. Cagney, and uh...?

Lacey. Lacey, right. How are we doing with our observer? I got him observing Det Isbecki on a dog case.

Good. Bread-and-butter police work. Speaking of which, why not have our two ladies take him out to lunch,

someplace typically New York? We'll pick up the tab. We're busy. I'm sure it can wait an hour, Lacey!

I'm Cagney. Right. ..I want him to go back to Paris with a good idea of how this department operates.

Going to lunch isn't police work! It IS in Paris, believe me! Those people know how to live.

When I was there in '81 with the Chief, I put on five pounds! They have pastries that are lethal!

Could we talk? Sure. ..Keep up the good work. Not now. We are up to our ears... How do you like that?!

We get ordered to lunch! So why don't you go? I don't want to go! I'd feel guilty!

What is wrong with lunch?! I'd feel guilty going out when we have this John Doe thing to follow up.

I'll handle John Doe. YOU talk French! YOU think he's cute! He seems to be VERY taken with you.

Heads, you go. Tails, I go.

You go. Two out of three? You are a police officer! If he gets out of line, you cuff him.

If he offers you a Cognac in his hotel room, play it by ear.

Ha, ha(!)

You want some onions? You like onions? Oh, please! I like onions.

And there. Is that enough? Yes. Good. Thank you. Do you come here often? Only when I get a table(!)

So, Mr Benoit, how do you like New York so far? Call me Yves. And what is your prenom? Your pre-name?

Mary Elizabeth. Very pretty name. Almost as pretty as you.

Do you have a family in France? I have two daughters and a wife. Would you like to see a photo? Oh, yeah!

Let me take this here. Thank you.

Voila! Are those your daughters? Catherine. Agnes. They're adorable.

My wife's name, Marie-Louise. She's very lovely. Thank you.

We have, um...how do you say...? An understanding.

Thank you. ..She has a lover, who she sees every Tuesday evening.

How interesting.

Do you and Henry...? Harvey. Harvey! Harvey. Do you, perhaps, have an understanding, too?

Harv bowls Tuesday nights. Oh!

Fascinating!

Heart attack? Are you going to write it up as natural causes?

It was very fun. ..I, uh...gotta get to work.

OK, we'll get back to you if we get a make on him. Thank you.

Hello!

Hiya.

That was the medical examiner. The boy died of a heart attack, precipitated by an overdose

of amyl nitrate. Did he have a heart condition, or was he just doing poppers? No heart condition.

OK, we got something. Let's talk to somebody in Vice. We got NOTHING!

A man makes an illegal movie, ODs on a drug that's supposed to be for heart patients, and winds up dead.

He's left alone and nobody helps him! There's a crime here! Not according to the Statute Book.

All right, we got a dead John Doe! Wait a minute... What if somebody forced him to take poppers?

That's murder! We have to talk to the people who made the movie.

OK, so we go talk to Vice! That's what I said. Come on! Isn't that what I said?!

We've got a $5-billion-a-year underground industry.

Cash transactions, no records, dummy corporations, tax shelters... Things of that type.

Who makes these films? Most of it's mob-financed. There are some straight investors, who don't care.

We're trying to ID a John Doe who was acting in a film. Not easy. Most don't use their real names.

Some have a dozen. He overdosed on amyl nitrate. Could someone force him to take it? Hard to prove.

But it happens, doesn't it? Yeah. Some directors will do anything to get a film shot. Can you help us?

Maybe. I'll, uh...run some of the films for you. A lot of these actors work over and over again.

If you... Excuse me. If you see somebody you recognise...

..we'll match him to the film. We got files on most of the studios. Excuse me. We appreciate your help.

I gotta warn you, though, there's not a hell of a lot of close-ups... on their faces. Thank you.

Pretty monotonous, isn't it? Who's the guy?

His name on the credits is Randy Stud. He also works under the name of Johnny Hunk.

His real name is Stanley Perlmother. We collared him twice. He walked both times, First Amendment.

What do you think? It isn't him. Look - he's so indifferent. It's like another day at the office!

To him it is. $100 a day, maybe a little coke on the side.

I'm going outside for a minute, OK?

How you doin'?

Can you freeze that?

Hey! You want to come and take a look? I think I found the woman.

Well, that's 12c. "Discover a way they could get six pennies from 12c."

KNOCK ON DOOR

Who is it? Linda Mack? Yeah.

Police.

You might remember us from yesterday. 732 Clinton.

What is it? We want to talk to you, Mrs Mack. That's my...my daughter.

Would you be more comfortable talking at the station? All right...come in.

Hiya!

Excuse me. ..Jessie, why don't you go in my room and watch TV?

Come on, it's OK.

Uh...sit down. Thank you.

Fractions, huh? I got a kid in the fourth grade, too.

What is this? Mrs Mack, one of the men that you were with in that apartment yesterday turned up dead.

He OD'd on poppers, died of a heart attack.

Nobody called an ambulance, or a doctor. He was found laying in the doorway.

Anybody force him to take those poppers? I don't know. I wasn't there. How come?

I finished that film yesterday. What did they do today? I don't know! I was in rehearsal for another film.

They probably got somebody else to work with him. Do you know who he was? Bill something.

I don't think that's his real name. I never worked with him before. And the director? HIS name? Jim. Jack.

I dunno. I met him at a party a few weeks ago. What do you want from me?

We want to find out the circumstances of the man's death! I wasn't there, so I don't know. OK?

Chase this up, will you? ..You got the name of the porno distributor, you go after him - what do you get?

A criminal-negligence homicide - IF you prove foreknowledge. He wasn't there when it happened!

I still want to serve him, sir. So you serve him. Then what? Two years from now, you go to court,

half the witnesses are out of state, and you got some little assistant DA at $25,000 a year arguing liability

against the hotsy-totsy law firm that he's got on retainer! THEN what?! Then we'll have done our job.

Ah! ..Hey, what's the matter with this machine?

Thanks, Josie.

Lacey, why don't you help out Isbecki and Petrie on the dog case? Oh, that's THEIR collar, sir.

That's very funny! Their COLLAR! Unintentional, sir.

Mary Beth...

I think our John Doe just got a name. Yeah?

Missing Persons sent 'em over.

Parents?

Mm-hm. Mr and Mrs Harris. Their son, Norman... He's not called them in a week.

The description matches? Right down to the appendectomy scar.

Oh, Lord...

How old was he? 19. Honours student at Brooklyn College, captain of the swim team...

and his parents say that he "did a little acting", when he had time.

Magnoliaphyta rosalis. Excellent specimen. It's gorgeous! And therapeutic.

Pliny the Elder lists 32 remedies for illnesses - made from rose petals. Who gave it to her? Harvey!

Chateau Perigueux '66?! Hardly Harvey's style!

Morning! Morning! Hiya. Hi! Look what someone left on your desk.

Probably one of your many admirers, got the wrong desk. It has a note.

It's in French.

Want me to translate it? Uh, no. No, thanks.

Lacey, uh...you want to serve the porno distributor? Yes, sir!

There it is. Thank you, sir.

So...do it!

Thank you, sir! That's good. Let's go!

Come on, let's go! OK!

Another witness to interview, Isbecki(?) Hey... You got a lovely little red leash.

DOG WHIMPERS Sit, sit, sit...

Good dog...

Muffin. M-U-F-F...

Victor! What are you doing?

Victim profile report. ..I-N. Where's the owner? She's out parking her car.

Victor, you're losing it. OK, Muffin...what went down out there?

This is garbage. It's a judgment against YOU, Mr Belden. Reckless endangerment and negligence.

You're kiddin'. A man died making one of your films. And you want to go against me? Yes. Lots of luck(!)

As a distributor, you may be liable for criminal-negligence homicide. Sure(!) Listen, you want to serve me

for distributing obscene material, you at least got a court date. See? Two dozen obscenity judgments.

Every one will be thrown out. THIS won't even go to trial. We'll let the DA's office decide that.

They're going to love this one(!) Criminal-negligence homicide! Who supplies you with the films?

I don't have to answer that. We can subpoena that information. You want subpoenas? Got a drawer full.

Do you want us to let Organised Crime look into this? Oh, come on! Does this look like a mob operation?

Ladies, I'll save you a lot of time. Mermaid Productions is legit. 100%. You want to subpoena my books?

They're clean enough to eat off. We want to locate the people making a film at 732 Clinton.

You want to go watch a little(?) You pay these people, don't you? I pay them very well.

So you have records, employee forms, W4S. W4s? Yesterday was payday. I got a drawer full of them.

IRS had me down for a tax audit. My returns are clean. Congratulations. Want to check my rest rooms?

I'm sure they're very clean, Mr Belden. Vincent Moslovsky. 79, West 43rd. He's the director?

He calls himself a director. He's a flake. Who's this guy? Carpenter. What's HE do? Electrician.

This guy? Calls himself an actor. This one? Calls himself a grip. And? The grip's friend.

Who's that? He's a cousin of the first grip. You got two grips? Mary Beth... You got actors? Yeah.

At the bottom, you got actors, actresses... At the bottom, you got actresses. ..OK, all right.

It happened so suddenly. We were right in the middle of a scene, and this guy starts gasping for breath.

Suddenly, he just keels over! We thought he was kidding! Why didn't you call an ambulance? He was dead!

Mr Moslovsky, if he was dead, how did he drag himself out the door?! I don't know. We panicked.

Nobody said a word. We packed up and we split. And left him to die. No, I thought he was already dead.

Whose idea was it for him to take the poppers? Not ME! Not to make your film better? I don't do drugs.

I asked if someone forced HIM to do it! I didn't make him take aimies. I'm not responsible. Who IS?

I'm a film-maker! I stay behind the camera and say, "Action!" I don't participate. I just film it.

Oh, I get it! He don't participate. He photographs it! I'm an artist. I don't make value judgments.

You decided Norman Harris was dead, and left him on the floor. That's a value judgment! Give me a break.

I really don't need this type of hassle! If you knew how difficult it was to try to shoot a film...

I am talking about ANY film! Who else was there? My electrician, my sound man, two grips,

and the co-star. I want their names and addresses. I don't HAVE them! Nobody uses their real names!

This film you're editing - is this from Tuesday? Yeah!

Would you like to see a little bit? There's a fabulous close-up here.

Listen, what I did was, I backlit her face,

to bring out the cheekbones. We've seen enough, thank you.

Wait - you haven't seen the camera move yet. Is this yesterday? Yeah.

I come in real tight, and I hold the frame. She WAS there Tuesday.

Let's go talk to her tomorrow. Mary Beth, we served Belden with the judgment. We know what happened.

He was not forced to take poppers. I want to know why she lied. Like a lot of people in this business,

she didn't want to get involved! Can you take the car back and sign me out? Maybe I can salvage dinner.

Yeah, OK, but I'm going to see Linda Mack in the morning. What IS it with you? Some personal vendetta?!

Hey, taxi! Who's the one that's always saying, "Make the collar"?

We made the damn collar. We served the papers! We can't be responsible for everyone's morality!

Taxi! I'm not a prude. I think sex is beautiful and important, not a package that's sold like potatoes.

I'm sick of this "victimless crime" thing. We got a lot of victims. Norman is the only one that died,

but Linda Mack has a child, doesn't know what her mother does. That's a victim. ..Oh, off-duty.

Isbecki is a victim if he thinks women just want someone in tight pants. Every poor slob that pays $5

and thinks what he sees on screen is what a woman wants in bed...is a victim! We got a lot of victims.

I got a crazy idea I want to keep going till somebody tells me why nobody called the paramedics

when the kid is dying of a heart attack! So, are you with me here?

Yeah. Thank you, Chris. I appreciate that.

OK.

Have a good time, huh?

I'll see you tomorrow.

Cherie, j'etait tres occupe. Je n'ai pas eu un moment libre depuis mon arrive.

Mais non! Je t'assure, ma cherie! Je ne pense qu'a toi.

Hiya! I know, Harvey, I know! I got hung-up on this porno thing.

Yeah. I already signed out, OK? Keep the lasagne warm. ..OK. Love you.

Bon soir!

Oh, hi. Is Harry...bowling tonight? Harvey.

No, he's home. He's keeping my lasagne warm. A coincidence. I was just speaking to my wife in Paris.

Must be late in Paris! It's 2.30 in the morning. She's keeping the lasagne warm for ME!

We have an old saying in France. "Marriage is so difficult that it takes three people to make it work."

You don't say! You know, I have not yet taken a horse-and-buggy ride in Central Park.

It's a lovely evening. There's a touch of spring in the air.

I must be with you tonight.

Oh, Yves...

I never thought anybody would say that to me.

I cannot believe that no-one has ever said that to YOU before.

Oh, Yves...

you got the wrong lady.

And, on top of that, your timing is crummy. Crummy?

Crummy? "Crummy" is an American word for the type of case I'm on.

Anyways, uh...

thank you very much.

You...you are so nice. I thank you for the flower, and the French...

I gotta go now. Uh, bye...con dios. You're confident the lasagne will still be warm when you get home?

Oh, no, I don't like to heat it up. It dries out. The cheese on top gets kind of rubbery.

Pity.

It really is much better the next day.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Mrs Mack? Who is it? Detectives Cagney and Lacey.

Leave me alone! Open up, ma'am, or we'll come back with a warrant.

CHAIN JANGLES

What happened to you? Tell us about the beating.

It was just another scene. Got out of hand. Director kept telling the guy, "More, more!" Moslovsky?

No. We got that film yesterday.

Different film, different director. And you couldn't stop it? I tried!

But he kept telling the guy to hit me harder, and saying, "Beautiful!" Dear God!

It's going to sell a lot of tickets.

Mrs Mack, why did you lie to us about Tuesday?

I don't remember Tuesday. It was the day Norman Harris died.

I gave him CPR...

but it didn't work. So you DID do something? Didn't do any good, so we just got the hell out.

Was the camera rolling? I don't know. What DO you know? Can you tell us anything? No! That's it!

Let's get out of here. ..Are you going to file charges against the guy who beat you up?

And the director. It'd be the last time I worked.

You'd let yourself get beat up and it's business as usual? Can YOU pay my rent? ..May I ask you something?

You have a daughter. What will you tell HER? That I got mugged. You got worse than mugged, lady!

A man assaulted you, another man photographed it.

People will watch it in a movie theatre! How d'you feel about that?

OK, how do you feel about this?

Some guy sees your film. He thinks, "That's what women really want," and goes and rapes your daughter.

Leave her out of this! She's IN it, whether you like it or not! We ALL are. You could charge them.

You could make a difference. It's not going to stop it!

So, Linda, did you like being raped today? I wasn't raped. Really(?)

I was beaten up. You were raped, lady! You submitted to something against your will! You were raped!

I got paid for it, didn't I? Lucky you(!) What happens next time, when the director doesn't yell "Cut!"

and the guy beats you to death? Now your kid is an orphan. How much is THAT worth to you? Mom, I'm home!

Mom, what happened? It's OK.

Did you hurt her?

No, Jessie. They're cops.

It's OK.

Mommy's fine.

I just had a little...

accident.

That is one tough lady. I don't understand how she can live with it. Forget it, Mary Beth.

No, I can't forget it, Christine. I go home every night and, no matter how bad a day it was, I think,

"At least we took a little inch of crud off the city." It'll be back tomorrow, but we're treading water.

Know what I feel like right now? I feel like the crud is winning!

Do you want to talk about it? No. You've been walking around here all night like you want to slug someone.

I'm tired, Harv. I'm going to go to sleep.

You know, I can make you feel better.

No. Guaranteed. We don't have to say a word.

I said no, Harv. No means no.

No doesn't always mean no! Well, tonight, it means no!

It's this porno case, huh?

Yeah. ..Hmm?

Hey. Hey... I don't want to talk about it, Harv. Did you make the collar?

I don't want to talk about it! No means no! So I get shut out? Yes!

That's great(!)

Mmm? Harvey, would you just get over your side of the bed? A little hug?

No, Harv, nothing! Get over your side of the bed and go to sleep!

SHE SOBS

These witness statements from the hold-up are contradictory. Yeah. Let's re-question the employees.

It's been nearly a week. Mmm. Maybe someone's memory got better. Maybe.

I'm afraid I have to say goodbye.

Oh, so soon? I have business in Paris tomorrow. Well, bon voyage.

Farewell, Mary Elizabeth. So long, Yves.

Perhaps some other time? I don't think so, but I hope Marie-Louise kept her lasagne warm for you.

Will you please tell Herbert that he is a very lucky fellow? I will.

Herbert?!

The dog collar. Looks like a tough customer! To use your expression,

maybe we got ONE up on the crud today! Yeah, maybe. Let's go.

Maybe we'll get lucky. Maybe. Maybe some guy woke up this morning with a complete description of the perp.

Yeah! Maybe he'll do the paperwork, too! And the bad guy will go to jail. That'd be nice! Yes.

Can you tell me where I'd find Detectives Cagney and Lacey?

Maybe we're TWO up on the crud.

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