Happily Ever After Cagney and Lacey

Hiya, doll.

You look gorgeous.

I do my best. You're late.

-I'm sorry. I got hung up.

-My veal Oscar's probably all dried out.

You shouldn't have bothered, babe. I told you I'd be late.

You gotta eat.

Chris...what would you say if I told you I'm not hungry?

I'd say you'd better be kidding.

Babe, I've been staked out for ten straight hours - Junk Food Central.

Right.

-You're mad.

-No.

-OK, I'll eat.

-You're not hungry.

No, it's all right. It looks great.

-Forget it, Dory.

-Can you freeze it or something?

Sure.

I'm sorry.

-You know what?

-What...?

Why don't I take you to a movie tonight?

It's too late to go to a movie. We missed the 8 o'clock show.

-OK. So what should we do? What do you want to do?

-I don't care. What do you want to do?

I got an idea... Why don't we get married?

Hm?

It's like Bargain Bazaar up there.

To let a major lowlife like Louis Boffa cop to a misdemeanour, probation and 500.

-I'm surprised they didn't give him a good citizenship award.

-Thanks.

Mary Beth, when you buy fillet of chicken breast,

do you pay to have it de-boned at the market or do you take it home and do it? What's wrong?

That's a very big jump, from Louis Boffa to chicken cutlets!

Louis Boffa I can't do anything about, and this was on my mind.

-Chicken cutlets?

-Yeah, I'm making chicken Dijon tonight. I need the breasts de-boned,

-but I think 2.99 a pound is a lot to pay.

-It's not hard if you have a good knife.

-The change in you since you settled in with Dory I would not have believed.

-What does that mean?

It's nice.

-Nice?

-Yeah, you seem content, Christine.

Dory asked me to marry him.

-He did? Oh, that's...

-HORNS BLARE

-Mary Beth, watch out!

-I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

-I didn't say yes anyway.

-You turned him down?

-Oh...

-Did you turn him down?

-No, not really. I...

I don't know. I...

I haven't thought seriously about anything like this since...

the 11th grade! Bruce Molloy!

I used to write his name all over my notebooks. Mrs Bruce Molloy!

Christine and Bruce Molloy.

Christine and Dory McKen... Oh, my God!

Did you and Mr McKenna set a date?

-I didn't say yes!

-Yeah, but it was as good as a yes, right?

-Don't tell anybody, OK?

-Why? What's the big secret?

-SHE SOUNDS HORN

-I think I'd like to get used to the idea myself.

-Don't take too long.

-You're 38. You haven't got a lot of time.

-Well, thank you, Mary Beth(!)

You think I should buy my cemetery plot now before it's too late?

-Who is it said she wanted babies?

-'..Park Avenue...shots fired...'

-Hear that?

-'Officers in the vicinity respond. Repeat. 1068 Park Avenue. Shots fired.'

-Turn around.

-Why?

-We're in the neighbourhood!

-We're 22 blocks away!

-Close enough!

-Car 457 responding. Ten-four.

-I will turn this car round if you tell me everything that happened.

What were you wearing and what did he say? What did he say?

-Just we didn't have anything else to do so why didn't we get married?

-Just like that, get married?

-I asked him if he was pregnant.

-Oh, that's the cutest thing I ever heard! ..Let's go!

I didn't hear nothing, I didn't see nothing.

-I was down in the basement fixing the boiler. So could I go now?

-Detective Lacey.

The victim's name is Wentworth. One bullet shattered the bedroom window. This is the building superintendent.

I didn't hear nothing. I swear I don't know nothing. Could I go now?

If it's the same to you, I would rather not press charges.

-That's like giving Preston carte blanche to do it again.

-Who is Preston?

-My ex-husband.

-He's been a jealous lunatic ever since I showed him the ring Robert gave me.

-Oh, that's...very nice.

-Did this Preston threaten you?

-Not exactly. Preston is the kind of man who returns a book to the library

-and expects that no-one will ever take it out again.

-I see. We'll check on him.

-It appears the shot came from the building across the street. You know anyone there?

-No.

-No.

-Where were the two of you when the shot was fired?

-In here.

-What part of the room, sir?

-Robert is so gallant. We were in bed.

-You were still asleep at 12.30?

-Hardly!

Robert comes over every afternoon during his lunch hour.

-That's what saved us! If we'd been standing up, we'd be dead!

-I see. And that's, er, every afternoon?

-The ex-husband has been in Los Angeles on business since Saturday.

-Maybe he flew back and forth.

-Or he could have hired somebody to do his dirty work.

-He could have.

But we never even asked Robert if HE had any enemies! Say he's got a jealous ex-wife or girlfriend!

-I'm calling him at his office.

-Cagney, can you read this initial?

-It's Coleman's signature.

-Yeah, but what's the first initial?

It's an N. No, it's an M.

It's a K. I don't know. Could be anything.

Exactly. Do you know not one person here knows Coleman's first name? Not even his initial.

Fascinating.

Yes, thank you.

Did Robert Wolitzer tell us that he was a vice-president at Rosenzweig & Sons on Wall Street?

Yeah. It's right here.

I just talked to them. They never heard of him.

-How about silver? You got silver?

-Yes. I never use it.

-How about wine glasses?

-I have wine glasses!

You can go for cheap. This is not the place for wine.

-We should go because registering is really easy. Completely painless.

-Mary Beth, we're working!

The MVD gave us your address and the Super in your building

-told us you worked in the credit department.

-Why did you lie to us?

How could I tell you the truth with Cece standing right next to me? You won't tell her? Please?

This is a criminal investigation, so I suggest you sit down and you explain what's going on.

Well, I, er...I first met Cece about 11 months...15 days ago.

I was walking through the store on my way to lunch.

Cece was shopping in cosmetics. She stops me

and she holds up her right wrist and then her left wrist and asks me which scent do I like better?

I said they both smelt delicious. And then I added that she was delicious.

I can't believe that I actually said that.

What does this have to do with Rosenzweig & Sons?

Cece Wentworth is the ex-wife of one of the richest men in the city.

-No way would she ever be interested in some drone who works in the credit department.

-So you lied?

Yeah.

And you lied to us. That's a crime, falsifying police reports.

-I knew it was going to come...

-Mr Wolitzer, you made a very bad start here, right?

Detective Cagney, could we let this go?

-Maybe this once.

-Maybe. But you're gonna have to start telling us the truth.

-Everything.

But, please, don't say anything to Cece.

-You'll have to tell her yourself eventually.

-Oh, please. No.

-Please stop saying please. Do you have any enemies who would have fired that shot?

-No.

-Ex-wife?

-No.

-Girlfriend?

-No. No. Cece's the first woman I've ever...

loved. And she's the only woman I'll ever love.

-You believe that guy?

-Well, I don't approve of his lying, but I thought he was very sensitive, very sweet.

-I think he laid it on a bit thick.

-For what purpose?

-I think he set it all up. He hired the hit man.

First attempt, he's there, takes suspicion right off him.

-Second time, he'll nail her and inherit all her money.

-You're very cynical.

-We'll go talk to Cece.

-Would Dory like that?

-Too sweet. I got this for Harv last Christmas. He gave it to the mailman.

-What?

-I forgot Dory's shirts!

You've got to get me to an all-night laundry.

-Chris! Look at that!

-What?

Isn't that something? Oh, you have to try that on.

-Oh! Isn't that perfect?

-It's lovely.

No price tag.

-Christine, this one you have to try on.

-I would look ridiculous!

-You would look gorgeous!

-Mary Beth, 18-year-old virgins wear white dresses with...daisies.

-Come here and talk to me.

This is the biggest and most important event in your life.

-Now, I say to you, go all out.

-May I help you?

-No.

-Yes. My friend here...she's getting married.

-Congratulations!

What can I show you?

Do you have anything in red?

-OK, what's up?

-Huh?

-You got that look on your face.

-What look?

-The look where you're dying for me to ask you what's up.

-That's scary when you do that, Harv.

-OK, what is it?

-I promised Christine I wouldn't tell anybody.

-Tell what?

-I'm sure she didn't mean you. She's getting married.

-Dory McKenna.

-Isn't that terrific?

-He's OK, I guess. But not to marry.

-He cleaned up his act.

-You gotta go by the track record, Mary Beth.

-He's not a horse. He deserves a second chance.

-He's gonna hurt her.

-Bite your tongue!

-This one's gonna dump her and we'll be picking up the pieces.

You don't know that! Everybody said you and I would never last.

-Who said that? Your mother's aunt.

-Doesn't matter.

-She never liked me.

-Harvey...

-She didn't.

-It doesn't matter.

-She liked that college jerk Stewart.

Stewart Barco... I have not thought about him in a million years.

-He was so tall.

-Tall?!

He was a freak! It was probably his glands, or there might have been in-breeding in that family.

-It's lucky for you that I came along.

-You think so, huh?

-I think so.

-Want to know what I think?

-This'd better be good.

I think I'm lucky that you came along.

We had those little sandwiches with the crusts cut off

-and pigs in blankets...

-Mary Beth, no, I...

Thank you. I don't think so. In the first place, who am I gonna invite?

-I'm no good at that kind of thing - sitting round talking about recipes and floor wax!

-It's not like that!

We could invite the men too. If you want. It'll be fun.

It'll be embarrassing. It's just an excuse for someone to have to give you a present!

-Anyway, I'm too old for a shower.

-It's your life. But you're only gonna do this once, so do it right.

That's not necessarily true. Now that I'm getting the hang of it, I may get married four, five times!

Aunt Eunice got married six times. The last guy she married was new, right out of college. I saw him.

All right. Have it your way.

At least I can do the wedding right. Harv has these friends in the catering business.

We went to a wedding they did. They had these little doves in a net. At the end, they let them go.

-The couple stood in this little archway. It was the dearest thing you ever saw.

-Doves?

-Yeah.

-That's disgusting.

-OK. You could skip the doves.

Until this thing is wrapped up, I thought I should have a bodyguard.

Nice to meet you.

-Are you sure it wasn't my ex-husband?

-The thing is, Mrs Wentworth,

we're taking a different direction in our investigation. Who would benefit from your death?

Oh, you mean my money?

Um, well, I've left it to various charities and medical research.

-What about your fiance?

-Robert?

He doesn't need my money! Oh, wait!

Let me just show you what this precious man sent me yesterday.

Neufelds.

Earrings to match the ring.

-Very, very nice.

-Very generous.

-Yeah.

-Lieutenant, we need to talk.

-I don't know Coleman's first name!

-No, it's about the shooting incident.

Cagney, if a gentleman says he's gonna pick you up 7 o'clock, what time do you expect him?

-Generally, 7 o'clock.

-On the nose?

-Five minutes after is usually good,

-in case I'M running late.

-All right, you got five minutes.

We have no suspect and no lead, but there could be an embezzlement from a department store.

-Robert Wolitzer works in the credit department of Neufelds...

-Is this a long story?

-It's complicated.

-But do we stay on it?

-Yeah. But let me warn you one thing.

These employee theft cases are a pain in the butt.

They take a lot of investigation, are hard to prove and, 99 times out of 100, the store drops it.

-They're willing to settle for restitution?

-Yeah. Then they fire the employee.

They want the whole thing hushed up. All right, two minutes. Explain to me about the attempted murder.

-This couple are in love, only he's poor and she's rich...

-Cagney, you do it.

No suspects. The ballistics report shows nothing,

but the angle indicates that the shot came from the building across the street.

The apartment across the street is vacant, covered in dust. No-one's been there for over a year.

-Stay with it. Gotta go now.

-Have a wonderful evening, sir.

-Thank you.

-Dory! What happened to your stakeout?

-Fell apart.

I hate you seeing me like this.

-I gotta get used to it.

-I don't even have any dinner for you!

-Cheese and crackers are fine.

-Will I send out for pizza?

-I couldn't face another pizza.

-You know what I was thinking today?

-What?

-We ought to start looking for a place.

-A place?

-Yeah, to live.

I thought you liked it here.

-I do. It's just that we're going to want something bigger.

-Well, in the city, lots of luck.

-Well, we could move out.

-The suburbs?

Out towards Long Island, New Jersey.

I know how it sounds, but you get a lot more space for your money.

-Why be snobbish?

-It's not snobbish.

-It's just so...far.

-You get used to the commute.

It's just...married.

It's just something to think about.

-It wouldn't kill us to stay here.

-You're right. This place is too small for two people.

I know how much you like it here. We're not going to rush into anything.

-But if you're not comfortable here...

-We won't think about it till after the honeymoon, OK?

-OK.

We do have to, er, put in for vacation, though.

And June is hard to get.

-June?

-Yeah.

June...bride.

-I thought of the Grand Canyon. You ever slept under the stars?

-Camping? Like the girl scouts?

You don't want to.

-It's not that I don't want to, I put in for February. Remember I got reservations in Chamonix?

-Huh?

A ski resort in the Alps. It's very romantic. Very...

You don't want to.

No. Sure. I haven't been ski-ing in ten years.

I broke my collarbone, I was in a body cast for four months.

Probably IS time to try it again.

-Or we could go camping.

-We don't have to decide this minute.

-Right.

I missed you.

Thinking about you all day.

Dory...I'm so tired. I was gonna catch a nap before you came home.

Yeah, sure. I mean, if you're too tired...

No, I'm not too tired.

Now, come on, come on. You don't have to for me...

No, it's... I know I don't HAVE to.

Give me a kiss.

Look, I know that you are too tired, so forget it, OK?

Can we just snuggle?

-Sure.

-Thanks.

-Do you have any reason to suspect embezzlement or large-scale employee theft?

-Should I?

-We don't know. That's why we're asking you.

-Anything missing from your jewellery department?

-Nothing.

Since I took over as the head of store security some nine months ago,

I've reduced the incidents of employee theft to virtually zero.

This is a large department store, how can you be quite that certain?

As part of my regime, I instituted a computer system

that inventories all merchandising and cash down to the last penny.

I'm a computer illiterate. For my kids, it's like... Anyway, you'll have to interpret this data for me.

-I can't. It's not my field.

-How do you know what it says?

I've a computer genius in the credit department. He set the system up.

-These detectives want to talk about the computer...

-I knew I'd never get away with it.

-Get away with what?

I'm sorry to have betrayed your trust, but it was worth it.

-Don't say any more. We have to advise you of your rights.

-I don't want any. Just take me to jail!

-Mr Wolitzer, please! You have the right to remain silent...

-I didn't think it'd do any harm!

-All I ask is that Cece doesn't find out!

-..and cannot afford one, an attorney will...

You wanna zip it up?!

Long enough for her to finish.

..without charge. You understand these rights I just said to you?

-I wasn't listening.

-You do him.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and...

-Wolitzer...R.W.W.

-Really kind of sad, sir. He did it for love.

-Right.

-He was afraid his girlfriend wouldn't love him unless he could buy her expensive things.

Spare me the bleeding heart, Lacey.

-So you say the guy ripped the store off for 18,000.

-Not exactly.

-Technically, he didn't steal anything from the store.

-What?

He programmed the machine so that every time someone returned something, he made a little money.

-How did he do that?

-Let's say I buy a sweater with my charge card.

With tax, it comes to 54.43. I take it home and decide I don't like it, so I want to return it.

Our perp programmes the computer so, when I take it back, my account is credited with the 54.

-But the cute part is, the 43 cents goes into this dummy account he set up for himself.

-18,000 worth?

Every single time a charged item was returned,

an amount between 1 cent and 99 cents was credited to Wolitzer's account.

So what are we...? We're talking... 35,000 victims here?!

Isn't that terrific? Who else in the precinct gets to crack 35,000 cases in one day?

All petty theft! My arm'll be paralysed from stamping paperwork!

That's why we came to you.

-What should we do with it?

-You're asking me?

-You're our superior officer.

-You're always complaining I don't give you enough free rein.

So I'm not gonna tell you what to do.

It's good we talked, Lieutenant. Thank you.

I love you wanting to have lunch with me. I have to be at the store at 1.30.

-You really get all the oddball cases.

-How's your day?

I spoke to my insurance broker, told him I was gonna get married and I wanna make you a beneficiary.

Dory!

It's complicated, because of the kids. But I want to make sure you get something.

That's very sweet. I have my own money. Take care of your kids.

Trust me, the kids come first. Not to mention, I don't want to leave you enough

-to tempt some young fortune hunter.

-Thank you.

-But you'll get enough to get one terrific dinner out of it.

-And a decent bottle of wine?

-No, I wouldn't go overboard.

Anyway, Joe thinks we should do some financial planning.

What for?

I'm not bringing as much money into this as you. You've got your trust fund. We should manage it smart.

Don't look at me like that.

I'm not being a gigolo. Joe thinks we should look at where you got your money and how we can use it better.

-I've been doing fine...

-Yeah, but we got to look to the future.

-I'm eligible for retirement in two-and-a-half years.

-Retirement?

-It's not that long till your 20's up.

-I don't wanna retire!

We don't have to! But it'd be nice to know we could if we wanted.

Mary Beth, let me ask you something.

-What do you and Harvey do about money?

-Spend it too fast.

Thanks. No, I mean, seriously, what do you...? What do you do with your pay cheque?

-Deposit it in the account.

-A joint account?

-Yeah.

-And Harvey can just write a cheque for anything he wants?

-Sure.

Well...what if he wants to buy something you think's stupid?

We have a fight.

-That's it?

-Yeah, what else? I mean, what's mine is his.

What if Harvey wasn't working and he just kept writing cheques?

It's called marriage. It's two of you together.

What about modern marriages? Everybody keeps their own money.

Doesn't work. Like keeping one foot out the door. You can grab your money, get out fast.

Marriage is commitment. You jump in with both feet.

-You asked me, Christine.

-I know.

-Frankly, we don't feel that this case should go to trial.

-Is that right?

Because it's difficult, because it's inconvenient, because you're lazy.

You think a man who stole 18,000 should get off scot-free?

-Just a minute...!

-He has been fired and I'm sure he will try and make restitution. He has been punished.

No wonder America's going to hell in a hand basket.

I'm sure my friend at the Times will find this very interesting. Because the case was difficult to pursue,

the store was advised to ignore the theft of nearly 18,000.

Just charge the customers higher prices, that's what the NYPD says. Am I correct?

-You're making this very difficult.

-I want this man in jail!

You get to meet such nice people in this business(!)

-Chris, there's something I want to ask you and I don't know how.

-What?

Is your brother and sister-in-law coming in from California?

-Because I was wondering if you had thought about your... matron of honour?

-Well, no...

-If you have someone else in mind...

-No, it isn't that.

-If you'd rather have someone else...

-Will you stop?

-You're right. I should never have brought it up.

-No! I...

Of course I would want you to be my...matron of honour. I just haven't even decided what kind...

-We haven't even set a day!

-Whatever. We forgot to go to china!

-China?

Well, you really should register your patterns.

OK, Coleman, the Police Benevolent Association says the first initial is R. Isn't that right, Reginald?

-You're not getting zip out of me.

-You really should tell us, Rupert.

-Nothing.

-Oh, come on. It can't be that bad, Roland.

I assure you, it's not even half as bad as Victor or Marcus.

-What's wrong with Victor?

-You know, you should spend as much time on burglary as you do on this.

-Thank you, Ricardo.

-Rufus.

-Wrong!

-Ralph!

You finished interviewing your 15,000 witnesses?

Very funny, Christine. My bunions have little bunions of their own.

-Did you get any good witnesses?

-Sure! Marguerite deQuesney, MD. Theft of 21 cents. Quote,

"Are you serious? My time is worth 200 an hour. I'm going to spend a week in court for 21 cents?"

Cynthia Manley, theft of 47 cents. "Why don't you people go after the murderers and rapists?"

Mitchell Salacin, theft of 92 cents. I can't repeat what he said.

-I've got a biggie. 82!

-82?

-Mm-hm. One person.

Michelle Lyons. Uh! She spends half her life buying everything and the other half returning it.

She is thrilled about coming to court. She has nothing else to do.

-Great. This case is the silliest bit of nonsense I have ever had to do.

-Sufficient unto the day!

What is that supposed to mean?

-Are the evils thereof.

-Huh?

-The Bible.

-Or Shakespeare, or something. It means it's 5 o'clock and I'm going home.

-Sign me out, too.

-Harv and I have to pick out new linoleum.

-It IS a joke, right?

-No!

-So what are you and your new fiance doing tonight? What are you and Dory doing tonight?

-Dory's working.

-I'm having dinner with my father.

-He must be so excited!

-I'm telling him tonight. He'll faint.

-You told me before you told him?

-Yeah.

-You told me before you told anybody whatsoever?

-Mm-hm.

-Nice.

-Don't you tell anyone!

-No, no. Lips are sealed!

It's no secret that Dory and I are living together.

He's still got his own apartment, sort of an escape hatch. But...

Anyway! What the hey, we thought we'd go legal.

-That's terrific.

-You're not real excited about it.

-No, it's terrific. It's also your turn.

It's Dory. You still don't like him, do you?

No, no, no. Chrissie, no guy's ever gonna be good enough for you.

-Dory - he's an OK guy.

-Even if he roots for the Boston Celtics?

OK, what is it? What's wrong?

Nothing. Nothing is wrong. If you're happy, I'm happy, OK?

-Remember when I was a little girl and I used to ask you if anybody would ever want to marry me?

-Yeah.

-You said I'd be beating them off. Look how long it's taken me.

-You could have had any guy!

You know what I'm unhappiest about? I feel like I've always deprived you of grandchildren.

-I already got grandchildren.

-In California.

-I should go see them.

Brian says he's got a great house, on a hill, and he has a view.

And he's got a pool and a hot tub.

Your mum sure would have been proud of Brian. But you and me, I, er...

I just thought we were two that took after each other.

-What d'you mean?

-Independent types. Don't carry too much excess baggage.

-Yeah, I've had a good time. You gonna make this shot or not?

-Five ball in the side pocket.

-Rafe?

-You gotta be kidding.

-Rasputin? Rumplestiltskin!

-Will you two get outta here? I've got work to do.

-Rigatoni.

-That's a pasta dish.

-It's in the Italian baby book.

-Good morning, Chris!

-Good morning.

-You have fun with your father?

-Oh. Boy, we tied one on.

Well, it was a night to celebrate. We got to go. Here, take these.

We can get a coffee on the way. We have an appointment with the assistant DA. Come on.

-8.30 across town.

-I can't...

Just one cup.

I love it. I just love it.

Last time, you bring me one victim and two confessions.

This time, one confession and 35,000 victims!

What did I do to deserve this?

Want to save this for the jury? I got a killer headache.

Are you gonna file the case or not?

This, this...scourge of society.

I've never seen two such gung-ho cops. Is the police recommendation for hanging(?) Or public flogging(?)

-Will you answer my question?

-Let me see, 35,000 witnesses at an average of 10 witnesses a day,

that's ten years in trial, 20 million of taxpayers' money

and the judge is gonna fine him 50 and give him probation!

If you'd can the oratory, I will tell you that neither of us want to go to trial any more than you do.

-Then, what are you doing here?!

-I don't know what else to do!

Could we just stop yelling?

-The store insists upon going forward.

-Talk the store out of it.

Tell them we'll get a guilty plea to a misdemeanour theft.

He'll get probation on the condition he makes restitution.

-Convince them they'd be lucky to do that good at trial!

-What if they refuse?

Don't let them! I want "refuse" stricken from your vocabulary!

He's yelling again. Could we get out of here?

Wait, I'll get it. Don't worry about it.

Have a nice day.

You're on very shaky ground here.

My partner and I have been talking with a very cranky assistant DA and with your ex-boss.

We pointed out that he'd have to spend half the rest of his natural life in court if we went to trial,

-and he finally agreed. So do not tell me that you don't agree to the deal!

-I'd like to. But I can't.

All right? I just can't.

I have a very bad hangover.

You said I'd have to make restitution. That means I'd have to tell Cece.

You mean she doesn't know yet?!

No. I haven't talked to her since I've been arrested. What am I supposed to say?

"Hi, this is Robert. I'm a thief and a felon and a liar. Still want to get married?"

Mr Wolitzer, if she really loves you, I am sure that she will understand you and forgive you.

Sure. Would you?

Yes.

She wouldn't.

-Well, maybe you could make... payments to the store?

-Thanks.

She didn't mean it like that! Now, call her! What've you got to lose?

-D'you think?

-Absolutely!

I can't.

I said I can't.

-I know what a shock this must be for you.

-Not really.

-You knew he was stealing?

-No, no.

I guess I should have.

I don't understand.

I knew Robert wasn't rich. You see, I tried to call him at Rosenzweig's one day.

-So did we.

-And you never said anything?

It's not easy when you have a lot of money.

Everyone says you should marry a man with more money than you. But why?

I've already got enough. A man with no money, though...

The good ones are afraid you'll think they're after your money, and the bad ones really are.

So I understand why Robert lied to me. I didn't want to bruise his ego, so I went along with it.

-Will you make restitution?

-Of course. I love him. I'd do anything for him.

Now all we have to do is figure out who took a shot at them.

Christine?

What is it?

-Hey! You! Hey!

-Police! Hold it right there!

OK, you wanna tell me about it?

-I don't know nothing. I swear!

-Put your hands down. What?

-What are you guys doing this to me for? I'm just a working man.

-Talk.

-You can't make me.

OK, I'll talk. It was an accident. I didn't mean to hurt anybody.

I was cleaning my gun when...boom! The bullet must have ricocheted off that building and then across.

I would have said something, but I got scared!

I thought it would have blown over by now!

I didn't even want to call the glass company, but it's freezing in my apartment. You gonna book me?

Rory Coleman. Rip Coleman.

-You got something for me?

-Rock Coleman? Ramon Coleman?

-How about Ronald?

-Ronald Coleman?

-You never saw Random Harvest on TV?

Or Tale Of Two Cities? I cried half a day over Tale Of Two Cities!

Ronald Coleman! The guy with the little wimpy moustache!

-It's a far, far better thing I do!

-I'm gonna kill her.

BOTH: It's a far, far better rest I go to than I have ever known...

This has been a terrific day! How often do we get a day like this?

The department store gets the money back, we get to solve an attempted murder and 35,000 petty thefts!

We even got the lovers reunited. Everybody's happy for once. We didn't have to arrest anybody.

Fairytale ending, right?

-I'm not gonna marry Dory.

-What?

-I'm gonna tell him tonight.

-Why? What did he do to you?

-Nothing.

-Come on, Christine, talk to me.

-I'll make up a reason if it makes you feel better.

I'm trying to make YOU feel better.

-I'm trying to be a friend and understand this.

-I'm not sure

-I

-understand this myself.

-I just don't like what I've become. It's not me, it's not what I want.

-What have you become?

Well...

-I've got a tough job, right?

-Right.

And...there's some nights...

I just want to go home and take off my make-up and wash my hair...

eat yogurt...read a trashy book...

But I don't know, lately... That's not true, it's every night. Every night when I leave this place,

I go home, I clean up the apartment, I doll myself up

-and then I go fussing in the damn kitchen like I was Betty Crocker!

-Well, Christine...

-Dory's a very demanding man. You have to talk to him...

-No. Dory doesn't even care! It's me!

-I'm doing the stuff I think I'm supposed to do.

-I'm not following.

-If you don't want to do it and Dory doesn't care, then why do it?

-This person doesn't even feel like me.

I feel like I'm suffocating. I do.

I have these tapes playing in my head like Ozzy And Harriet reruns!

I understand.

You understand? You're not going to give me the old Peter Pan speech

-about growing up and making commitments?

-Christine, you and Dory want different things.

-He's not the right man.

-What is the "right" man?

-He's out there. You HAVE to believe that.

Mary Beth, you're not getting it.

I'm 38 years old. It is no accident that I never married.

I like my life. My life works just fine exactly the way it is.

-I'm not getting married because I'm supposed to!

-I agree with you 100%.

-From your mouth, you're saying it's all right to be single?

-Well, what I'm saying is that...

-you should never settle.

-You are not listening to me! I'm not talking about settling!

I'm talking about liking my life the way it is! There's nothing wrong with my life cos I'm single.

Dory's the wrong man. If he was the right man, you'd get married.

Mary Beth, you don't need a ring to love somebody.

This is what you believe now, but when the right man comes along, you will make the leap.

I don't want to go through the rest of my life with my eyes closed!

-If I want to get married, I'll marry Dory.

-Then you'd be settling.

-I would NOT! What's wrong with Dory anyway? He's terrific!

-He's got an ex-wife and two kids.

-Who doesn't?

He's human. I'm human. He's a terrific guy and I love him.

-Then, what is the problem?

-There isn't any problem!

I have looked at this, I have looked at me,

and I understand your feelings about husbands,

but I, Christine Cagney, do not want...do not NEED to get married.

Maybe it's the wrong time.

-Mary Beth...

-It's possible.

-Admit that it's possible.

-It's possible!

What are you gonna do now? Are you gonna see him ever again?

I don't think he'll understand.

-If he doesn't understand, what happens then?

-I don't know. I don't predict the future.

I hate to see you lonely.

I won't be lonely.

What if you never see him again?

Then I don't see him. But it wouldn't stop me from loving him.

And it doesn't stop me from loving somebody else.

It doesn't have to be tied up into a neat package called marriage. I swear to you, it does not!

-Your opinion.

-Right.

It's my opinion.