Con Games Cagney and Lacey

Welcome to the world of con games.

For your amusement, we've come up with an interesting variation

on the old handkerchief switch.

The player approaches her pigeon at banks.

-Yeah?

-We have to hang around a bank all day just to be hit on!?

-So?

-We've 10,000 banks in this city. It's a needle in a haystack.

More like TWENTY needles in a haystack.

Our player is easy to spot. She'll be wearing purdah, the black Arabic dress with a veil.

At home, she can't take money OUT of the bank without a man's say-so.

Our pigeon wants to show how easy it is by taking her OWN money out of the bank.

HIGH-PITCHED: America, what a wonderful country!

That's when the switch takes place.

The player asks the pigeon to hold the money while she gets the rest.

Well, you want to prove you're legit so you put your money in with hers.

Excuse me, sir, but this is a part that never makes sense to me.

Right! It doesn't make any sense.

But people fall for it, to the tune of millions a year.

< Have you a name on the Arab lady?

That's the cute part. She's only POSING as an Arab.

Her real name is Hilda Rosenbloom.

-He never answered me!

-He did. He said it made no sense.

-Thank you (!)

-The whole assignment makes no sense.

-Quit belly-aching!

It's only a day and a half. Tuesday is the sexual harassment hearing.

Let the whole Department hear it!

Sorry...

We've been sniping at each other all week and I AM on your side...

Probably my fault. The hearing has me on edge. What you got?

-Manutto's trial continues.

-Oh!

-Harve senior is going bowling.

-Huh!?

-And Muriel won 20 at bingo.

-Oh!

I love the discretion(!) He reads your messages out loud!

-YOU'VE not had a gentleman caller for days.

-YOU can be replaced!

-Never! Oh, there's something else.

Not interested.

D.I. Knelman wants you. Want me to tell you what it's about or do you want it to be a surprise?

-Inspector.

-Afternoon, Detective.

Bert, could you leave us alone?

So, Cagney... Oh, please, sit down.

-I hear you took the Sergeant's exam.

-Yes, sir.

-Feeling confident?

I'm hoping for the best.

Good. Good, good, very good.

This is stupid, my beating around the bush.

I know how strongly you feel about this sexual harassment thing.

Damn right I feel strongly about it!

Hennessey threatened my career if I didn't sleep with him.

I understand that and I sympathise.

I've got a political job, there's no getting around that.

I concern myself with the public's image and perception of the police force.

If the media gets hold of this, know what that does to our image?

-Yes, sir.

-To YOUR Department.

Being a second-generation cop, you're here for the long haul.

What's good for us is good for you.

What happens to Hennessey?

Effectively, he HAS been punished. He'll never be Deputy Commissioner.

You've blown him out of the water.

-I want to make sure this sort of thing never happens again.

-He has assured me that it won't.

Look, Cagney, I know this is hard, and not really fair,

but what I'm asking you

is to maybe sacrifice your personal and justifiable hurt and anger for the good of this Department.

You'll think about it, won't you?

That's all I'm asking.

I don't know. It seems such a long time ago now. And in the end nothing happened.

I've tried talking to other women who worked with Hennessey. None of them want to get near me.

-You think he harassed one of them?

-Don't know. I've got the last one to talk to tonight.

-Then what?

Maybe Knelman's right. I'm sure Hennessey's got the idea by now.

-So you told him you'd drop it!?

-I told him I'd think about it.

-What'll you do?

-Think about it.

-LACEY SLAMS DOOR

-You're unhappy.

-No! I make no judgements. It's not my life.

-That never stopped you!

-Hey!

-I said no more sniping - I forgot.

-As usual!

-THAT'S sniping!

OK...

-We'll call the truce on Monday.

-OK.

You got a date?

-It's a neutral question.

-Yeah. After I talk to this woman tonight, I'm dining with my father.

-Oh.

On Monday, I promise, you'll think I am Little Mary Sunshine.

Do you know the meaning of the term "fat chance"?

-I've got till Monday.

-If you live that long!

A Scotch rocks, please.

-Coffee and cream.

-You still on duty?

-No, I'm a...recovering alcoholic.

-We could have gone somewhere else.

No, I've been on the wagon 6 years. I can take it or leave it.

Who am I kidding(?)

I'm sure it wasn't easy.

Em...Paula, I'm sure you've heard that I've pressed charges against Captain Hennessey.

Yeah...I've heard.

-Had you a similar problem with him?

-Well, if I did, what difference would it make?

He's worked with lots of women; I'm the only one who's reported a problem...

So, I was wondering... if I'm the only one... maybe I should just drop it.

Thanks.

The D.I. says I should drop it for the good of the Department.

You gonna talk to me, Paula?

I don't know.

Thanks for your help.

-I'll call the Deputy Inspector; he'll be a very happy man.

-Wait!

Did he proposition you?

It came out of nowhere.

I'm no Miss America. He never even acted like he LIKED me.

-When?

-Last month.

He said he'd recommend me for my shield if I...

"went along" with him.

Well?

What do you mean, "well"?

I don't know how to ask... Did you?

Once...

Then he left me alone.

Look, here's the phone number of the lawyer at the D.E.A.

-No.

-What do you mean...?

-I won't testify.

I CAN'T.

A guy promised you promotion if you come across! And you didn't even GET it!

I'm on the promotion list. He did exactly what he said he would.

So you got what you bargained for.

No wonder you won't rock the boat.

Help me...

I gotta go.

BANGING ON DOOR >

Charlie, I'm sorry! I'm late. I got stuck with somebody...

No, please! Give me five minutes!

-Just 5 minutes...

-Get out, Hennessey!

I want to apologise. I-I don't know what made me act that way.

But now I realise how badly I offended your personal belief.

-Nice act(!)

-It was stupid...

Bad judgement, nothing else.

I can't help that you're a beautiful woman and I was lonely.

I was attracted to you and deluded myself that you liked me, too.

Anyway...I am deeply...

t-truly sorry.

It'll never happen again, I swear.

-Tell that to Paula Eastman(!)

-PHONE RINGS

-I beg your pardon?

-You remember Officer - about to be detective - Paula Eastman?

I didn't even know her first name!

A month ago, AFTER I pressed charges! How stupid can you be!?

Did she say...!? It's a nightmare!

Charlie? Hold on.

Nice performance! When they throw you out you can fall back on that!

-There's the door.

-Cagney, I'm warning you.

No more Mr Nice Guy(?)

You'll be sorry.

You don't learn. I don't like threats.

I won't beat you, I'll crucify you!

Get out! GET OUT!!

Pop, hang up the phone and dial 911. It's an emergency.

It's your father!

Great social life, Cagney(!)

Hello, Pop? No, no, don't hang up. It's all right. I'm all right.

No, you don't have to call anyone. where THE HELL have you BEEN? I expected you 15 m-minutes a-ago!

How do you hang around a bank for 6 hours!?

You walk in. You walk out. You read brochures.

Our con artist is gonna be there.

Will you look at this outfit! Do I look "housewifey" enough(?)

I'M no expert!

-You know more than

-I

-do!

I did not mean to be sniping.

OK, maybe I AM an expert. You look, em...

..OK.

LACEY SOUNDS HORN

I'm going through with the hearing.

Oh, I'm glad. Was it Charlie?

-Huh?

-Charlie.

No, he tried to talk me out of it.

In HIS day cops stuck together.

-Well, times have changed.

-Not according to Charlie.

"Nobody fights the bosses and wins." There's my bank.

-So what decided you?

-It's a long story. Tell you later.

Will you pick me up at 3.15?

-I gotta meet my lawyer at 4.30.

-OK.

-We'll talk then.

-Yeah.

-Have a nice day.

-Don't say that!

-What?

-I'm about to face a dozen bank tellers who're gonna INSIST I "have a nice day".

-Right, have a ROTTEN day.

-Now it feels like Monday! See you.

-Lady, got a quarter for a coffee?

-No, but I'll get by(!)

I hate to bother you, but could you tell me what that number is?

One thousand, three hundred, twenty seven, fifty three.

-1 - 3 - 2 - 7 - 5 - 3.

-Thank you.

I guess it's time for bifocals.

Have you noticed, in the phone book,

that the numbers get smaller every year?

-I know what you mean, ma'am.

-My husband - rest in peace -

72 years old and perfect 20/20 vision.

He was a smart man, my George. He's left me set up real nice.

-That's good. You're lucky.

-I am.

-But I'd give it all up, just to have my George back.

-I know what you mean.

I'm sorry to have chatted on.

-You're nice to take time to talk to an old lady.

-No, I enjoyed it.

I'd love to buy you tea. If you have the time...

I gotta be somewhere in 26 minutes.

-Another time maybe.

-Maybe. That's nice, thank you.

-Thank you.

-Have a nice day.

-Same to you.

The closest I came to an Arab woman was a herd of Hare Krishnas!

-#

-Hare Krishna, hare Krishna...

-#

-God, I have such a headache!

-Cagney.

-Not now, Victor.

-They called me to testify.

-Why!?

You've got nothing to do with this!

Anything you want me to say is OK.

Thanks.

I don't like it when someone tries to force someone. It takes all the fun out of the game.

-That's half-way enlightened!

-Don't spread it around, OK ?

With an unexciting assignment it's all attitude.

-You can make it fun, or a drudge.

-I love it when you get philosophical(!)

-Is that sniping?

Observation of character.

-OK, be as negative as you want.

-I

-had a wonderful day.

I talked to a lovely older woman.

A lonely widow with money, and I was glad that I was there.

-She's exactly the type of person our con would take advantage of. And that nice man I...

-Mary Beth!

You could use a nice, solid man. He lives in Queens.

-He prepares actuarial tables.

-Sounds exciting(!)

-You're such a snob!

-THAT'S sniping!

Observation of character.

What!?

Something good?

It's Dory.

-McKenna...?

-He wants to see me for dinner tonight.

-Dory McKenna...! Are you two...?

-I've not seen him since we split up.

-Ahh!!

-Don't start!

Your face lit up like a Christmas tree when you got that message.

-He's a good friend. It would be nice to see him...

-Take it easy!

-I've an appointment with my lawyer and I can't go looking like this.

-Take it easy!

A few questions - just so I don't get any nasty surprises tomorrow.

Sure.

-You've been on the job how long?

-14 years.

-Ever filed a claim like this?

-Never.

-Faced a situation like this?

-No.

-Never!?

-I've had men come on to me. Some just joking, some serious.

But I've never been threatened.

How many men?

Em... I don't know.

-Ever have sex with any of them?

-No!

You've never had sex with anyone in the Department?

One man. We were engaged, sort of.

I don't see how this is relevant.

Hennessey's lawyer can ask you ANYTHING he wants.

-You date a lot, Cagney?

-Some.

-Where do you meet the men you date?

-Where...?

-Do you go to bars?

-I don't believe this...!

-Do you pick up men in bars?

-Every night! Mostly sailors(!)

-7 or 8 at a time.

-I'm glad you find this amusing!

-I thought you were on MY side.

-I am!

-Your questions are insulting.

Then don't get on the witness stand!

It's a silly assignment, Harve,

but it's kinda nice to talk to real, ordinary people.

If you only see cops and criminals

you get a warped outlook, you know?

-Sure.

-I mean...

You think the world is rotten when you deal with the rotten part.

Like someone who lives in a desert and forgets there's something as pretty as a tree. Right?

-Why are you smiling?

-You remind me why I wanted to marry you.

You were getting very itchy and I wouldn't let you scratch!

You think THAT'S why...?

-Yeah, the first time.

-I asked you because I LOVED you.

-I wanted to be sure you meant it.

-I did!

-The SECOND time.

-BOTH times!

By the second time I'd made sure you knew you'd not be disappointed.

What if I didn't ask a second time?

-I was sure you would.

-I better watch what I say.

-Don't say anything.

I almost had gin...

-Mary Beth...

-Shut up, Harve.

-I would still have respected you.

-Oh, good, good. I could use a little LESS respect now...!

-I was surprised to get a subpoena.

-We weren't a state secret, Dory.

I guess they're gonna try to make a big deal about our...relationship.

-I guess...

-I wanted to talk to you first

and figure out what to tell them.

Tell them we had a good time.

-THAT would be the truth.

-Yeah.

-The WHOLE truth, "so help me, God".

-Oh.

-I'll get that.

-Oh!

-Chris!

-No!

-Cagney!

OK.

Only if you let me reciprocate.

After the trial I'LL cook for you.

I bought all those damn cookbooks when we lived together. I gotta use them!

I'd like to, Chris, I really would.

Except, see, eh... Maggie and I are seeing each other again.

The children must be very happy.

-They're on Cloud Nine.

-I'm happy for you.

I really a-am...

She was lovely. A very nice lady.

-I wish I could go to the hearing with you.

-I know.

-The lawyer said I had to be excluded till after I testify.

-Yeah, I guess so.

-You've to be there at two?

-Yeah.

I gotta go and change.

Are you scared?

No, I'm OK.

Must've had a lousy time with Dory.

-I was wondering when you'd ask.

-All right, forget it!

He went back to his ex-wife.

-Oh.

-I'm happy for him.

-Oh.

-I thought we weren't going to snipe at each other any more?

Hey, Chris, I'll be outside the hearing room at 5 o'clock.

Thanks, Mary Beth.

-A quarter for a cup of coffee, lady?

-Are you here every day?

The three secrets to a successful business: location, location and location.

I'll remember that!

-Nice to see you again.

-Oh, hi!

I forgot something yesterday.

-Are you opening a new account?

-There's so many it's confusing.

My accountant explained it to me, so I'd be happy to help you.

-It's all right.

-It's my pleasure.

My apartment is just down the block.

That's very kind, but...

I entertained all the time when George was alive.

But you become a widow and people just...drift away.

Well...I could be there by 3.30, and I have to leave by 4...

That's all right. Even half an hour would mean a great deal to me.

My partner and I were reassigned and shortly after that I filed the charges.

Have you seen Capt. Hennessey since?

-Yes. Last Friday he came to my apartment and threatened me not to go forward with this.

-I see.

No further questions.

Detective Cagney,

-this "occasion"...? It happened at your apartment?

-Yes.

Since you harbour such antipathy to Capt. Hennessey, why let him in?

I answered the door without looking and he FORCED his way in.

A police officer who opens the door without looking(?)

-I was expecting someone.

-Oh, I see!

-My father.

-Of course.

I wonder, do you colour your hair?

What...?

Do you colour your hair to make yourself more alluring?

-What has that to do with anything!?

-Answer the question.

-I highlight it.

-Thank you.

-And is THAT the way you usually dress for work?

-More or less.

-Don't you usually wear tight jeans?

-I usually wear a nun's habit(!)

-Detective!

-Can't I say anything!?

Your attorney has time for rebuttal later.

-Have you had a venereal disease?

-No. Have you?

Detective, YOU brought these charges and if you won't co-operate

we can dismiss the case right now.

-Understand?

-Yes, sir, I understand.

-Very good. You may continue.

-How many men have you slept with?

-What!?

You are not suggesting that you are a virgin...?

No.

Then how many men have you been to bed with?

I-I don't know how to answer that.

Let's make it easier. How many men have you slept with THIS year?

Was it more than a platoon or less than a battalion?

I object to the tone of the questions!

Over-ruled.

I lived with a man most of this year. I dated a couple of others.

Mh-hm.

I thought of moving to one of those retirement places in a warm climate.

I had a friend moved to Arizona, started painting;

never drew a line in her life and now she sells to a gift shop.

I have no talent like that.

My teacher said... KNOCK ON DOOR >

I wonder who that could be.

I haven't had a visitor since forever.

­ Aunt Grace, I'm sorry to bother you.

Come in, my dear.

I'm sorry. I should have called first.

Don't apologise! This is my niece.

-Amanda, meet my friend, Mary Beth.

-How do you do?

What is it? You seem troubled.

-I could leave.

-No, please don't.

I didn't know who else to go to.

I was trying to get a cab when this really UGLY man leaped right in front of me and hey jumped right in...

AMANDA: Only, he dropped this envelope.

I counted it. It's 42,000.

Well...we'll have to turn it over to the police.

Wait. There's a list in here.

"One kilo MJ." That's marijuana, isn't it?

"Two grams C." That's cocaine, I think. He must be a drug dealer!

GRACE: We have to turn the money in.

AMANDA: But don't you see!?

There'll be publicity and he'll come looking for me, knowing that I can identify him.

I never thought of that. What do you think?

I...em...don't really know, ma'am.

I've got an idea. Call your boss, Mr Singleton. He's a lawyer. He'll know what to do, won't he?

Yes, ma'am, he probably will.

And the old lady persuaded him to split it, giving YOU a share?

Then he thought we should each put up 10,000 "good faith" money.

Proof that we won't go on a suspicious spending spree.

The classic pocket-book scam. The "drug money" is a nice touch.

-When do you give him the 10 grand?

-Tomorrow morning.

-No sweat.

Eh, I have to be downtown at five.

Go ahead. You did great.

-Be here at 8 for the cash and back-up.

-Yes, sir.

-Think this is Hilda Rosenbloom with a new MO?

-No way.

-You are such a perfect pigeon, you have pulled in an ENTIRELY different scam(!)

-Thank you, sir.

You like to kid around with her?

-How do you mean?

-Tell jokes?

-Sure.

-Maybe flirt a little, make a pass?

Sometimes, kidding around. >

-It kinda gets on her nerves.

-Sometimes she kids you back?

-Yeah.

She'll tell an off-colour joke? Come on, she's no prude, is she?

-She kids on.

-About sex?

-Just foolin'.

-Did YOU ever have sex with her?

-Me?

-Yeah.

-No.

-Never wanted to?

Well...I...no.

-You never thought about it?

-Maybe.

You've propositioned her, though?

- This is personal, your Honour. - You will answer the questions.

Well, I've asked her out.

-And you've made innuendos to her about wanting to have sex?

-..OK, the answer's "yes"!

-She made the same kind of innuendo right back to you?

-No, not really.

What did she do!?

-She was drunk. It meant nothing.

-What didn't?

-What she said.

-She was drinking...depressed...

-I know what that's like.

-Did she say she wanted to sleep with you?

-But she didn't mean it.

She was lonely. I'm telling you! >

She didn't mean anything! >

Anyway, I told her "no". >

You must live up to your word.

Put the money away for a few months.

I wouldn't even open the envelope. Amanda...

< If something happens you can say you got the money from me.

Isn't that right?

Grace...

AND... Mrs Lacey...

Oh, thank you, Mr Singleton.

Oh, I've given you an envelope with my letterhead on it. I'll put it in another envelope.

-Oh, that's all right.

-I insist. Prevention is better than cure.

We should take no chances.

These drug men are animals. I don't want to put you at risk.

Thank you.

-I feel better now.

-< That concludes our business.

Mrs Lacey...?

-I forgot - you're all under arrest.

-Aw, NO!

What!?

Mrs Stakowiski! Last time I saw you you ran a gypsy game in Harlem.

CHAOTIC RECRIMINATIONS

What is that paper doing there!?

-Did she ever complain to you about Capt. Hennessey?

-Many times.

On one occasion she was so worried that she cried. Things have to get very tough for her to cry.

-Could the witness be admonished to keep her comments to herself?

-So admonished.

Yes, sir. Another time she arrived at my apartment needing taxi fare.

He'd told her a witness would meet them at a restaurant. It was a lie, to lure her there.

When she refused him, he became so abusive she had to take a taxi.

What state was she in?

She was upset that she couldn't get through to him that she wanted a professional relationship.

-Conclusion and hearsay!

-Over-ruled.

-No further questions.

-Detective Lacey...

-is your partner a good cop?

-In my opinion, the best.

-She's effective?

-Very.

-She gets what she wants?

-Yes.

-No matter what it takes?

I wouldn't say that.

Have you seen her flirt to get what she wants?

I...wouldn't say...

I have a statement from one Douglas Burdinski,

who Detective Cagney agreed to date in order to exchange information.

-It's no big deal...

-Has she many boyfriends?

-Some...

-She go out a lot?

She's young and healthy. Why not?

Does she drink on these dates?

I don't know. I'm no chaperone.

-But you've seen her come in to the precinct with a hangover?

-No, sir.

-Never?

-Maybe once.

Once, I see. Did she ever tell you she wanted to date Capt. Hennessey?

-No.

-Never?

-No!

-She never told you she found the Captain attractive?

-You are under oath.

-..I recall she said she thought he was, yes.

-Thank you...

-But she didn't want to date him, because they worked together.

-He's putting everything in the worst light!

-Thank you.

Go on, Captain Hennessey.

I WAS attracted to her. After all, I'm human.

I'm divorced and I'd like to find a nice girl to be with.

I have a policy never to date the women I work with. But this was a temporary assignment.

I thought I'd pursue it only when we weren't working together any more.

-What happened at the restaurant?

-We had a drink.

She joked about not being turned on by her partner before. I laughed, because her partner was a woman.

She asked me if I felt the same way and if I wanted to sleep with her.

-How did you respond?

-(He's lying!)

I said "Yes", as soon as we weren't working together any more.

She said "Why put off till tomorrow what feels good today?"

-Then what?

-Well, I'm no saint.

-She...put her hand on my leg.

-You're a damned liar!

-Sit down!

-But he's LYING!

Admonished. Sit DOWN, Detective!

-DID you go to bed with her?

-I probably would have except for what she said then.

She said she could take care of my...libido, and I could take care of her career.

She wanted an assignment on Major Cases for going to bed with me.

-That was instant turn-off.

-Bastard!

You filthy, lying...

Detective, you are close to contempt!

These outbursts do your case no good.

You will be seated and be quiet.

-I will not tolerate another of these outbursts. Counsellor, continue.

-Thank you.

Now, you're back in the restaurant.

Detective Cagney has suggested exchanging sexual favours for professional ones. Then what?

-I came down hard on her.

-How?

-Well, I'm naive but I'm no fool.

I said the whole thing made me sick, like I was a john and she a hooker. She got mad and stormed out.

Next day she said "Nobody calls me a whore and gets away with it!"

Thank you.

It stinks. But 5 years ago it was impossible to call a man like this.

Now it's only ugly and maybe in 5 years it'll be fair.

-I'm putting my career on the line and come off looking like I need penicillin!

-It wasn't that bad.

I tell rape victims to testify for the good of all women and to stop feeling like a victim!

I should call them up and apologise!

-When something like this happens you have no choice but to get up and tell the truth.

-Come on!

You saw him! It's not stopping him one bit!

-(Damn it!)

-Hey, take it easy.

-Damn him!

Why don't you come and have dinner? Harve is defrosting some of that famous spaghetti sauce of his.

There's nothing like starch when you're depressed. Christine!

Christine...! I HATE when she does this!

Em...one more.

No, forget it... Cheque, please.

-How'd you find me?

-I'm a detective. Can I come in?

-My boy's sleeping.

-What if I promise not to scream (?)

-I've nothing more to say to you.

Look, I know you must feel lousy about what's happening. Why else would you hang around that court?

No answer! I tried her home and the precinct.

-She's not here by 9.30, that's it.

-She'll be here.

I was a steamroller last night.

It's a shame. With her corroboration I think we could have nailed him.

She'll be here.

-Let's get it over with.

-Lambs to the slaughter!

-Not that bad.

True. They could've found Sister Angela. She'd have told them I kissed Larry Sadoff in 3rd Grade!

Cagney...!

-Paula Eastman, Sergeant Ledding and Mary Beth Lacey.

-Hi.

-Hi.

Officer, thank you for coming.

-Still our word against his.

-BOTH of us.

Ready?

-We're ready.

-OK.