This Life Casualty

Our tramadol stock levels do not add up.

Who do you think's had their fingers in the sweet jar?

I am saying it's not going to work out between you and me.

Where is this from? From Grace?

She needs to be my priority.

You must have a way with words. Well done.

You spoke to Zoe.

She's asked me to keep an eye on you, make sure you're

not taking the separation badly, but I see you're having a blast.

It's my first one.

I thought it was just an American thing.

Ah, no, no.

ALARM CLOCK RINGS

Oh.

ALARM CLOCK STOPS

Argh! Ah!

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Argh.

Come on.

(OK, OK, you're fine.)

(You're fine. You're fine.)

Well, thanks for nothing!

Scary lady. I mean, only when you're angry.

My short-term let's fallen through.

I was supposed to be moving in tonight.

I'd say stay at mine, but it smells. Stinky teenage hormones.

Yeah, I traded my couch in for a cross-trainer. I'm sorry.

Let me get that for you.

Thank you.

Buy me a drink later, if you're feeling grateful.

Oi, you lot must have a spare room between you.

Rita needs somewhere to kip.

We'd love to, it's just that we've got a...

Infestation, of um...

-Mice.

-You don't even live with this lot.

Might be rats, come to think of it.

Sometimes you just feel them

run across your face in the middle of the night.

Tickles a bit, but you're more than welcome.

You're moving out?

I haven't been able to settle since, um...

The bonkers ex.

All right, look, you can stay with me for a few nights.

Spare's a bit of a tip, but you're more than welcome to it.

You sure?

Yeah, why not? What is it they say?

Mi casa es su casa.

You are an angel!

I know.

Surely this is the last of them?!

There's one more of shoes.

If I'd known I'd invited Imelda Marcos to move in...

Hey, listen, you play your cards right,

I'll get my sling-backs on for you later.

Frock too, Imelda?

Listen, who needs one, when you've got a lovely pair of stilettos?

Ah, it's just the rugby kit.

It's rank!

Did you even wash that before you packed it?

Dad told me rugby players are all thick.

Your precious dad can't comment on anyone.

I've cleared out half the wardrobe, so there should be plenty of room,

but there is no way that is coming into my bedroom.

Our bedroom, now.

Ah, man! For crying out loud.

Who's rattled your cage? You're a right narky git this morning.

My back's bad. I think I did too many sit-ups this morning.

How many? Two?

Cheek. My body is a temple.

Yeah, old ruin, more like.

Ah, yeah, but still, it is three weeks since I've been off the pills,

so, fancy a pint tonight to celebrate?

You allowed? NA and that.

Yeah, a pint of Coke, obviously.

Yeah, good idea. My sandwich went missing last week.

Ended up having to buy this fish stroganoff.

Ugh, how awful.

Um, doc, will you pass the milk? My back is a bit dodgy.

-Yeah, sure.

-Mate, I've got co-codamol.

-No, ta.

Don't be a martyr, Mac. There's nothing worse than back pain.

You just don't want him off sick.

That, also, is true.

-Here you go, mate.

-Ah, no, no, thank you,

you know, when it comes to pain, I'm a bit of a Spartan.

Mate, if you were a Spartan, you'd have been abandoned at birth.

Oh, ha-ha(!) Jealousy is a terrible thing, Jacob.

Late thirties, they said.

Is that him?

I think we found him.

Pull over.

That's got to be him.

Hello, mate, my name's Jez. I'm a paramedic.

-Can you tell me your name, please?

-Jez.

No, sir, your name. Can you tell me your name?

Do you know what happened to your head?

I need to... I need to...

All right, mate, whoa!

I'm not sure what's happened to him.

I'll check him over,

but he's definitely going to need a collar and a board.

All right. You're going to be OK, mate.

Just to let you know that the newsletter will be

out at the end of the week.

Finally, this evening's Mortality Cafe film

will be in memory of our friend, Carol.

She will be missed.

I thought you had the day off today.

Uh, well, no, I'm on the night shift.

-Going to my daughter's sports day.

-Oof.

Alpha-mums, cupcake queens. Did my head in, all that.

Well, it's the first one I have managed to get to, so...

Oh. Well, mercifully, mine are past all that now.

Enjoy.

Thank you.

Sports day?

Mm. Can't say I'm enthused.

Apparently, they have a parents' egg-and-spoon race.

They won't know what's hit them.

Here. For your egg.

To be on the safe side.

How can people not talk?

-It's like breathing.

-It is to you.

Yeah, it's a gift. Sometimes I don't even know I'm doing it.

But Dave, man, getting chat out of him is like pulling teeth.

It's David.

He wanted to work with you today, because, apparently,

you're "kind and tolerant".

Well, he can work with me if he likes.

What?

Not like that.

What, then?

More...eggier.

He means scrambled.

Start again then, shall I?

I'll do it.

No. The sooner I learn, the better. Scrambled eggs, coming up.

MOBILE BEEPS AND VIBRATES

I'm not hungry any more.

Of course you're not.

Yes. I'll be there straight away.

It's Alf's dad.

He's been in an accident.

-Mum?

-I have to go to the hospital.

Yeah, course.

-I'm coming.

-No, stay here with Rob.

No! I want to see Dad!

It won't be the same without Carol.

We're going to miss her.

But, you know, she was ready.

Yeah.

I wish I was.

Tonight will be lovely.

Long as the projector doesn't pack in.

It was making a funny whirring noise earlier.

She'd be so chuffed with everything you're doing.

Will you do all this for me?

You hate black and white films.

Stop dodging the question.

You know I will.

Got my music all planned.

None of that dirge stuff, ta very much.

Another One Bites The Dust.

I always loved a bit of Freddie.

And...no-one ever rocked white Lycra...

SHE BREATHES HEAVILY

..quite like him.

Ali, Ali, you don't sound well. Leave this.

I'm fine.

As long as I've got you.

-ECHOING & MUFFLED:

-You should see a doctor.

Someone call an ambulance, quickly!

-ECHOING & MUFFLED:

-Come on, sweetheart, wake up please. Ali!

No! No, I said not the shoes!

Please, please, stay calm for me.

-Charlie, where's his collar and blocks?

-He took them off himself.

Can you tell me what happened to you?

Dr Gardner, next of kin.

Paul? What happened?

I don't know who you are.

Who are you?

You walked out on us.

Up and left, not a word, not even a phone call!

Don't you dare pretend you don't know!

I don't... No, no, I don't...

Just give us a minute, please.

Sorry, sorry.

Sorry. We got your number from a mobile phone we found on...

Paul. Paul Prentice.

It was listed under, "home", presumably, in case of emergencies.

He didn't even tell you his name?

He couldn't. He's very confused.

So, how do you know him?

He's my husband.

What?

What are you doing here?

He was upset and he wanted to come and I just thought...

You're married?!

-Dad? Dad!

-Argh!

What, what?! Get him out!

-It's me, Dad!

-I don't know who that is! I don't know who that is!

-Mac, please.

-What's going on? What's going on?

If you want to step outside for a minute, please.

It's going to be all right. It's all right.

I'm going to make him chat today, if it kills me.

Thought you said he didn't do chatting. It was more grunting.

Talking of grunting, here comes Captain Charisma.

How's it going today?

Listen, Dad.

-Mm-hm.

-I don't need mollycoddling.

I wouldn't say I was molly...

Just leave it, please!

It's going to be so cosy, your place.

You and Rita, just the two of you.

She'll make you dinner, she'll wash your undies.

You can even watch the football together!

-Are you still talking?

-You'll never be alone again!

Playing house, just like Mummy Bear and Daddy Bear

and, who knows?

Maybe you might even have

a little Baby Bear on the way before you know it.

You have got a vivid imagination, Jez, I'll give you that.

I can see it now, mate, that spare room of yours,

-painted lemon, little elephant borders.

-You're such a wind-up.

Don't be grumpy, Daddy Bear.

Look, it's just until she gets herself sorted.

That's what they always say! Then, they sucker you in.

I'm...I'm telling you,

you're going end up like my mate, John.

Why? What happened to your mate, John?

Well, his girl moved in for a couple of nights,

you know, until she got sorted.

Three years, two kids later, he's the one moving out.

You lied to me.

No!

I trusted you.

You and me.

He stopped being my husband the day he walked.

You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. And Alf.

You OK, darling?

Uh, well, he's had a drink and some crisps, but he's still a bit upset.

Is he having us on or what? All this, "I can't remember"?

The doctors will be able to tell you more.

I'm waiting for a knee op. Can't stand the pain otherwise.

Mac, Elle wants her back in. Hopes it might jog something.

-I want to see him.

-Can I come?

No, darling.

I tell you what, why don't you go and sit

with Noel on reception for a bit, yeah?

I understand if you want to go, but I meant what I said.

You're all that I want.

Then, I'm coming with you.

You've got a lovely, gentle touch.

David, what other lights are you hiding under that bushel?

He doesn't say much, but he's a man of hidden talents.

Well-hidden.

COUGHING

Hi.

Ms Appleton, I'm Dr Hardy.

You have chest pains.

They just came on suddenly.

OK, um...

Oh, thanks.

Get you to sit forward, while I have a listen, please?

I thought I'd better bring her in, just to be on the safe side.

OK, um, there are some crackles, so we'll get you a chest X-ray,

just to see if there's anything of concern.

There's no need, Doctor, I know what's wrong with me.

I've got lung cancer.

Terminal.

Yeah, thanks.

All right, nice and easy.

CT's still backed up. Charlie, work your magic, will you?

I'll call again. Mac, do you mind?

Yeah.

Who is that woman?

Why is she-she...she staring?

It's OK, it's OK. It's all right.

As well as the long-term blanks, Paul's having trouble

making short-term memories. If the CT doesn't show anything,

we'll try and book an MRI, to see what's causing the confusion.

Why didn't you even call, tell us where you were?!

It looks like Paul's been sleeping rough for quite some time.

I can't... I can't think.

OK, nice and easy, nice and calm.

All right, thank you very much. Scan is going to be 20 minutes.

You're kidding.

Maybe we should leave this.

It might bring something back.

How can you not remember?!

Just shut up, please!

This isn't doing any good, babe.

I thought you were with someone else or...

Alfie cried himself to sleep for weeks.

Still does, sometimes.

-Aargh!

-Hey, hey, hey!

Get him into cubicles, please.

OK, lie him flat.

What's wrong with him?

He's fitting.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Well done, darling.

-No medal, though.

-That's OK. We'll go for a consolation dinner.

What do you fancy? Mexican? Sushi?

I might be doing something with my friends.

-Lovely.

-Hi, Grace.

-Hi, Mrs Sims.

Did you see Jane?

Stuck her elbows right out, just as I was passing her.

Rotten cheat! We'll get her next time.

-I wouldn't like to be in Jane's shoes.

-No, nor me.

I'm Grace's mum, Connie Beauchamp.

Oh, Steph Sims.

How strange, I've never seen you at school events before.

Well, I work shifts, so it's difficult.

Well, we're all busy.

Entering the parents' races?

I wasn't planning to, no.

I see. Just a spectator.

Well, I'd better limber up.

It's an egg and spoon race.

I know, but still, it's nice to make the effort, isn't it?

Mmm.

It is, you're right. It's nice to make the effort.

Charlie, give the lorazepam, it's been a few minutes.

His BM is normal.

Is he going to be all right?

This should kick in pretty quick.

Suzie, has this happened before?

Any history of epilepsy, head injury, drug or alcohol misuse?

No.

HE GASPS LOUDLY

Welcome back. Paul?

Let's get that CT scan now.

CHEERING

APPLAUSE

Thank you.

Yay, look!

Let's go.

Mum's going to be so mad that she got beaten.

Sorry.

Well, we're taking a medal home, at least.

You've ruined everything!

What do you mean?

I've been trying to make friends with Carmel for months.

She's the most popular girl in the school.

Oh, sweetheart, popularity's over-rated.

She's never going to be friends with me now.

No, Grace...Grace!

Grace!

I can't believe he did that. I'm so sorry.

He's out of control, Suze.

You can't have Alfie around a guy like that.

What if he's been sick all along?

It was me this time.

What if it's you next?

Or Alfie?

I hope Carmel wins something.

Well, I think we should talk tactics, then.

Do we have to?

Um, I think the hand-over is

going to be a little bit tricky for us, don't you?

All right, go on.

HORN

CHEERING

-Come on!

-Come on, Grace!

Come on! Quick!

You look like a penguin!

APPLAUSE

Someone's eaten my quinoa.

Don't look at me.

I don't even know what quinoa is.

It's just hippy nosh. Bleuch.

Well, I'm going to the canteen later, if you want anything.

The deli on the high street does an acceptable noodle pot.

I'm not going to the high street.

I'll have the spiced prawn, with extra chillies,

and a side of miso soup.

Yeah, OK, that's...fine.

Tell her to get her own flippin' lunch.

I did offer.

Well, you're the fool.

Anyway, I thought you were going to grow a pair. Remember?

Be more Cal.

Yeah.

-That's weird.

-What?

-Alison Appleton.

-Yeah, it's not fair, is it?

-She's too young,

-None of us get an age.

-I think I preferred you better

when you were mute.

-There's no sign of cancer treatment.

-Oh.

Who knew we had a grandmaster among us?

I know it's you.

It's certainly someone with an extraordinary chess brain.

Hm. I'm not playing.

You sound about five years old, do you know that?

So, um,

steak and chips for tea?

Followed by treacle pudding.

I think I remember you saying that was your favourite.

Don't go out of your way on my behalf.

-It's just to say thanks.

-Honestly, there's no need.

Well, I've got a few bits with me.

We can go get the rest of my stuff tomorrow, if you like.

OK.

-Moving in?

-Just until she gets herself sorted, yeah.

Yeah, that's what they all say.

-Steak and chips, yeah?

-Treacle pudding.

-I think she's fattening you up, son.

-So, he can't run!

LAUGHTER

Good luck.

She knows the options, it has to be her decision.

I feel bad enough without treatment.

Robyn, sorry.

Um, how long have you had this rash?

I dunno. It's the least of my problems.

Coughing up blood, night sweats. So tired.

Alison, I know you must be scared...

I saw what chemo did to my mum.

Right.

No-one should have to go through that...

..or watch it.

And then, she died, anyway.

You might not, though.

I just want to enjoy every minute I've got left.

I'll go get us a cuppa.

Done by tomorrow, yeah? Nice one, man. Thanks.

I hope you're working up an appetite.

Er, yeah, listen about tonight.

Sh. Save it for later.

I kept telling you. You should have told her straight.

Oh, yeah, cos that's easy.

It is if you know how! I've finished with loads of girls.

Nursery don't count.

Trick is, you got to make 'em feel good,

but you've got to keep it crystal. That way, it don't get messy.

You don't half talk some mince.

Your eyes are so beautiful.

-What?

-Come on, you know this.

And the walk - I could watch you all day from the back with that booty.

Thanks. Squats, 20 a day. Keeps it perky.

I'm telling you, it's banging. It's, like, proper fit.

Yeah, well, I do my best.

You'll make any man happy. So it's nothing personal.

But me and you?

HE SIGHS

I just can't be in a relationship right now.

It's that simple!

Shut up!

Where've you been? I need you to crack on with obs.

-Yeah, sorry, I was...

-Oh, come on, Mac. Get a move on, mate.

Hey, hey, come here a minute?

-Yes, sir?

-Have you seen Suzie?

No.

She's with him, isn't she?

Go get her for me.

You have to find her. Please.

I need to talk to her.

HE CRIES OUT

HE MOANS

Back on the bed, OK? Help here, please!

Here, lie him flat.

Put the pressure on.

No, no, no, real pressure. Keep the pressure on.

-Mac, what did you do?

-I didn't do anything!

Let's get him to Resus.

More pressure.

OK.

LAUGHTER

Oh, you bought cupcakes.

Oh, no, I don't do shop-bought.

Knocked out a couple of dozen, pre-school run.

Wow.

You must give me the recipe.

You're so different to the way Grace described you.

Really?

Hardly a witch, at all.

THEY LAUGH

It was so lovely to meet you.

-And you.

-Coffee, soon?

-Mm.

Come on, Carmel.

Come on, you.

Mrs Sims told Carmel she likes you.

Really?

Actually, I quite like her.

I'm glad you came, Mum.

Yeah, so am I.

Quite fancy a burrito now.

Even if you have to eat with a witch?

Oh, yeah, you are SO busted. SO busted.

-I didn't mean it. Not really.

-So busted!

SHE LAUGHS

Mum, you're cackling.

Come on!

How did this happen?

He just stood up, I couldn't stop him.

I'm pretty sure he's not meant to do that. It is on the notes!

-Can we have a large Surgipad, then, please, Mac?

-What's going on?

Go and wait outside, darling.

Alf, on you go!

Keep the pressure on. Get another big line in and call for four units of blood and give him two,

stat, and tell the lab to add an extra six units to the cross-match.

Rob, we're putting Celox into the wound. It's going to hurt.

His systolic's down to 87.

-HE MOANS

-We need four units of FFP.

Mm, this is a nice mess.

I should never have left you.

Don't, then. I'm crazy about you.

I know.

Can we have a little room, please?

Put the blood on both lines when the group specific arrives

and give him 1g of tranexamic acid.

OK, OK. Bleeding's stopped.

Hoo-rah.

Charlie, call the surgeons down.

Alfie?

No, you stay here. I'll go... I'll go find him.

We met at the Mortality Cafe. Nathan volunteers there.

Well, if they're all as fit as him, then I might just go.

It's for anyone who wants to talk about death.

You don't have to be dying. You could be grieving or just curious.

Sounds right up your street, Mr Happy.

It made me realise death isn't all that.

I can get over it.

It's losing Nathan I can't get over.

Sounds serious.

I am.

But he's never said that he loved me.

I reckon he's only with me cos he feels guilty.

You can't hang around waiting for him to tell you how he feels.

Men are useless at that.

You've got to get in there and tell him first.

I'm hardly a long-term prospect, though, am I?

At least by the time I pop off he'll still be young enough

to find someone else.

Have you talked about it?

Nathan can talk about death till the cows come home.

Just not with me.

Brought you a glazed ring.

He's a keeper.

Perks of being terminal. Stuff diets.

Would you love me forever, if I gave you my glazed ring?

Oh, come on, I'm trying!

What does it take to get a reaction?

Better jokes.

Guys.

Ms Appleton.

Your GP...

..did he actually say that you have cancer?

He didn't have to.

He showed me the shadows on the X-ray, the nodules. Same as my mum.

OK. I know you were in before with acute red-eye.

The rash on your legs, and that,

it's called erythema nodosum,

and they're both indicators of something called sarcoidosis.

-That's all I need.

-No, sorry.

I've looked over your scans

and it's very possible that you don't have cancer.

Are you sure?

As I can be, yes.

Your GP will confirm it.

That is brilliant news!

-Yeah.

-I won't have to leave you.

Not yet, anyway.

What's wrong?

Say something?

I can't.

I'm sorry.

Er...

He probably just needs a bit of time.

It's a lot to take in.

Yes, I know I have to tell her.

I just... I don't know how.

Where did you disappear to?

Toilet.

OK. Er...got you a sandwich.

Cheese and onion or, ooh, I don't know, onion and cheese?

What were you doing?

-HE CLEARS HIS THROAT

-Nothing. Why?

You're lying.

What did you see?

I said, what did you see?!

Alfie, no, I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

The CT was normal, so we managed to arrange an urgent MRI scan.

It highlighted inflammation in the limbic area of your brain,

which may be associated with memory.

The seizures you've been having, the memory problems,

may indicate auto-immune encephalitis.

-What does that mean?

-Paul's immune system started targeting his brain,

which caused swelling.

Will I get better?

With treatment, you may get back a lot of your memories.

You'll be going off to Neurology now.

So, he's been sick all along?

Yes.

And on his own, while I was with...

You couldn't possibly have known.

-Dr Gardner, you're needed in cubicle.

-Thank you.

-What about Rob?

-He's still in surgery,

so as soon as I hear anything, I'll let you know. I'm...I'm so sorry.

SHE GASPS

And that's it?! What's going to happen to Paul?!

-Don't worry. Take it easy.

-Who's going to look after him?

-Let's get him better first, shall we?

-I can barely cope as it is.

I've got Alfie and my op, I can't...

Everything all right?

My painkillers...they were in here.

-They've gone.

-What were they?

-Tramadol.

Well, let me check and see if they've been handed in.

You may have dropped them.

Mac? What is it?

It's...it's the boy. He... He's gone.

SHE SOBS

You must think I'm really ungrateful.

I get my life back and I'm acting like this.

If I can't have him...

You saw the way he was.

He couldn't get out of here quick enough.

He's probably working out how he's going to dump me.

Then, take the initiative.

Dump him?

Now that you're no.. You know, you can get yourself out there.

There's plenty more fish.

I...I only want Nathan.

What is it?

I heard him on the phone.

I think you might be right.

Don't wait for him to do it.

We need to talk.

Robyn.

You don't know he was going to ditch her.

Yeah, I heard him, on the phone!

Are you absolutely sure?

Of course I'm sure. I wouldn't have said, otherwise.

-Oh, what have I done? I should go and...

-No, I'll talk to him.

-Is that wise?

-Coming from you?

There he is.

What you doing out here?

I am waiting for a bus. Duh.

-Look, just come back in, yeah? Come back in.

-Stay away from me!

What happened, Alfie?

He...he just ran off, that's all.

Cos he shouted at me.

Give us a minute, Mac.

-Oh, Charlie, come on.

-Mac.

Where is it you live?

Gamston.

Oh, right.

Well, you'll have a bit of a wait for that bus.

It'll be about 40 minutes, I reckon.

Why don't you come back inside?

Your mum will be worried about you.

She doesn't worry about me any more.

CHARLIE SIGHS

Adults are rubbish sometimes.

All the time.

Your mum does love you.

So does your dad.

He doesn't even know who I am.

That's because he's poorly,

because he's not been well.

Your dad needs for you to be on his side.

And your mum...

she needs you to be the man of the house,

to be strong for her.

Do you think you could do that?

Alfie! Alfie!

I thought I'd lost you! SHE SOBS

SHE SIGHS

SHE SIGHS

Marigolds.

Flower of the dead in pre-Hispanic Mexico.

I thought we were getting on so well.

I don't get it.

They need the sun to shine on them to make them really open up.

Not so different from people, really.

I was going to ask her to marry me.

But...I heard you,

you said you were going to tell her that...

That I love her.

I've never been able to.

My mum said I should just give her this.

It was my gran's.

But now Alison's dumped me...

Yes. Yes, that's her fault.

I'm sorry. Alison thought you were with her out of guilt.

That's ridiculous. She must know that I'm crazy about her.

Not if you've never told her.

I...I'm no good with that...stuff.

I thought she knew.

(What am I going to do?)

You're going to get back in there,

and you're going to tell her how you feel. Just say it.

He said he's not good at that.

So don't tell her...

..show her.

I know you're upset, but your dad will get better soon.

Don't be sad.

He'll remember. He'll come back to you again.

Will you come back, too?

SHE LAUGHS

Rob's surgery went very well.

Tell him I'm glad he's OK.

You can tell him yourself, if you like.

Erm, Paul's gone up to Neurology.

I...can't think about that right now.

After Paul left, I don't know...

I got a bit lost myself.

I understand.

Man of the house, Alfie, remember?

I'll see you later.

Is Mrs Prentice OK?

She's lost her painkillers. I don't suppose somebody's handed them in, have they?

Lost...or taken?

I mean, this place does have form.

I'm sure we will find them somewhere,

but I'm not going to put any money on it.

(Mum!)

-Is he OK?

-I think it's best if you stay away.

Mrs Prentice, I am so sorry.

What about Dad?

We'll come and see him soon, if you want.

Can we go home now?

Yeah.

Just you and me.

Alison, letter for your GP.

They'll give you some anti-inflammatories and probably some steroids.

-Come in dying, go home with a letter.

-Result.

It's my friend from the cafe's remembrance film tonight,

but I don't know if I can face it.

We can come with you, if you like?

The last thing I need is you guys feeling sorry for me too.

Hey. Do me and laughing boy look like we've got rammed social lives?

Mac?

What's going on?

Mac?

What happened with that kid?

He just ran off.

Yeah, after you lost it with him.

He's just a little kid.

What about that patient this morning?

Did you look at his notes?

Mac...what were you thinking?!

Are you on something?

Mac, look at me.

Turn out your pockets.

All right, you give me no choice.

I'm going to have to report this to Rita.

Hey, so how did it go?

Didn't need it.

-Attagirl!

-Yeah!

But thank you.

I knew you'd go the distance, sweet cheeks.

Charlie!

Charlie, please, don't!

Look!

Please! Please don't!

I'd lose everything.

Last chance.

I want the truth.

How am I going to tell everyone I'm not dying any more?

They're going to think I'm such a fraud.

You're going to be fine.

I'm not very good at saying what I feel.

But I love you, Alison,

and we've got the rest of our lives,

if you want?

Mm-hm.

APPLAUSE ALL: Aw!

Well?

Er...

..it started when Noel got mugged.

And I hurt my back, and...

They helped for a bit,

but...I couldn't get off 'em.

Did you steal the pills today?

Yeah.

-And the other times.

-I can't believe that I'm hearing this.

Well, I thought I'd kicked it, you know.

Well, I had until today and then I just...

I just needed something to get me through, cos it was a rubbish day.

I've heard every excuse, Mac.

I've heard every pathetic excuse a thousand times.

I'm sorry, Charlie! Please, I...

I didn't mean to scare the boy.

I don't know what I'm doing!

Please, can you help me?

MAC SOBS

Sorry.

This stops now! This has to stop now!

Oh, er, if that's for your iron knickers, don't bother,

there's nobody coming knocking.

It's for my lunchbox. The thief will think twice in the future.

Yeah. Still, you enjoy your noodle pot?

-Overcooked.

-Really?

Yeah, and the miso soup was a bit cold.

Was it? Well, you owe me £5.60.

I'm going to keep the change.

I will put these pills somewhere safe for tonight,

and tomorrow I will put them somewhere

where they will definitely be found.

All right?

Cheers! Thank you so much for everything.

It's our pleasure.

-I'm sorry about this morning.

-Oh, no, it doesn't matter.

No, you were great with Nathan.

And Foghorn Leghorn here just barged right in, but you listened.

-Ying and yang, you and me.

-Oh, chalk and cheese.

This place is great, though,

-we should get one of these in the hospital.

-Mmm.

We could ask Mrs Beauchamp for a room?

-Obviously not with the booze, but tea and cake and...

-Soggy bottoms.

Pardon?

These tarts, they're a bit damp underneath.

MUSIC: Another One Bites The Dust by Queen

Ours will be different.

You could chat to the patients about the flowers.

-Was that true about the marigolds?

-Oh, yes, yes.

And...

And they're also very good for warts.

I noticed one starting on your chin.

-No!

-HE LAUGHS

BOTH LAUGH

BIRDSONG

This is where I bottled it the last time.

You're not going to do that this time, are you?

Iain...all set?

-Yeah, I was just going to put this on your desk.

-Oh, thanks.

Make yourself at home, yeah?

-Oh, aren't you coming?

-In a bit.

-I can wait.

-I'm just going to nip to the pub for a pint.

But...I was going to cook you dinner.

I know. I did try telling you earlier.

There's no need.

Looks like they're about to start.

MAN: Is there anyone new who would like to introduce themselves?

Er...

My name is Mackenzie.

And I, er...

I'm addicted to prescription painkillers.