You Make Me Sick Casualty

-Did you steal the pills today?

-Yeah. And the other times.

I've got the stuff locked away safely

so no-one can possible trace it back to you.

Someone has just slashed my tyres!

No prizes for guessing who's done that.

I'm sorry I charged into you.

Most men just sidle up.

I'm sure they do.

Sister Freeman has been given no option

but to put senior charge nurse Fairhead on immediate special leave.

-Why?

-Your little friend decided to have a witch hunt against Charlie.

That's why we're in this situation.

I didn't realise what it would be like.

Didn't realise...the compulsion.

Once you start, it's so hard to stop.

TYRES SCREECH

-Excuse me. I'm sorry...

-Noel?

-Look, I'm really sorry to interrupt...

-Hey, Noel.

-Hi.

Can you put this somewhere for me, please?

Is that a swimming cap?

Yes. No, no! It's a cake I made for Glen.

Rita? Oh, is he the death man?

Yeah, that's the one. We've got another Mortality Cafe at lunch.

-Exciting!

-Can you put it in the staffroom?

-Only...food, patients, me - not a good combination.

-Excuse me.

You've got a nurse hiding under your desk.

-Not hiding.

-Excuse me.

-Bloods.

-NOEL:

-What were YOU doing?

-Bloods.

-SHOUTS:

-Look, excuse me!

And then you realise that...you can't stop...

..so you start lying.

And something worse happens.

You lie and you don't get caught out...

..and that opens up something terrifying.

I'm scared.

See, I'd say it's not really like her, but that's not strictly true.

When did you last see her?

This morning, before she took the car.

She has these episodes, you see, since my wife died.

-Hey. How you doing?

-Oh, you know...

Listen, I've got to ask - was it Mark?

Police won't say. They haven't checked the CCTV yet.

Right, well, let's hope not, eh?

You want me to have two stalkers on my tail?

Oh, come on, Rita. I care about you.

-I want to make sure you're all right.

-Right. Thanks.

You know, a suspicious person might think

you're more excited about seeing him.

Than the cafe? Don't be silly!

Just trying to help.

You see, what's tricky is...she has issues.

-Issues?

-She's... She's a bit of a fantasist.

I mean, I love her to bits, but she's paranoid. She lashes out.

I mean, she just goes crazy.

I'm really scared that she's going to hurt herself.

So why do you think she might be here?

My car - she took my car, and she can't drive.

-So how...

-Well, I mean, she's learning, but...

OK, Mr Standing. Can you tell me her name?

Her name? Yeah. Her name's Jennifer.

TYRES SCREECH

-I'm confused.

-What about? Joe's going to drive.

-Aren't you?

-Yes. Yes, I am.

I told you, no car, and certainly not with girls.

There won't be girls. Will there, Joe?

No. Absolutely no girls.

-How can I trust you?

-That wasn't my fault.

Not quite what the police said.

It really wasn't his fault, Mrs Grady.

Dad would have let me.

Dad's not here.

Exactly.

Joe drives.

You may be the coolest guy in school, Alex.

That doesn't make you right.

Alex, no!

-A month.

-Really?

Wow!

Do you want one?

Na,, training. Those things will kill you.

But not yet. The running will get you first.

'You can't back out.

'Backing out, admitting you've doing something wrong,

'well, that's way too scary. So what do you do?

'You go forward. You lie more.

'You lie to others. To yourself.

'And it hurts, but still it's the easiest option.

'And then the lying'

becomes the drug.

It eats away at you until even you believe it

and, if there's a problem, it's not your fault.

It's other people. They're to blame, aren't they?

And that's the biggest lie.

The one you tell yourself.

-Mr Standing?

-Oh, John, please.

John, I'm really sorry, but no-one's come in by that name.

-Right.

-You should try St James's, but I would suggest

you'll probably have better luck if you contact the police.

Could you keep an eye out?

Sure.

This is her. Thank you.

HORN BEEPS

TYRES SCREECH

HORN BLARES

HORN BEEPS

'I'd done something terrible.'

Alex. What the...?

-What?

-Bit fast.

Been out of practice, haven't I?

Alex, man, seatbelt.

'I lied. I took a wrong turn...

'And other people got hurt.'

I let somebody take the blame for something I did.

My boss.

And what happened to him?

He got suspended.

So you're a coward?

-No.

-Do you want to tell the truth?

Tell us.

Tell us what happened.

What are you doing?

If I'm caught, I'm screwed. I'll go to jail.

I've got to get out.

You want the jacket? For keeps?

You were driving.

-What?

-Weren't you?

Oi! What on earth do you think you're do...

-We need to talk.

-Do we?

You know we do.

You know as well as I do that Charlie didn't take those drugs.

-You did.

-That was before. Not this time.

Look, if you come clean now nobody's going to blame you

and I'll get you support.

I'm 100% clean. What are you saying?

I'm saying I am your mate and I'll help you.

No, you're not. You're accusing me of something I never did.

No, I am not. I'm saying, tell the truth.

You're not my mate. You're just like everybody else.

You want to find somebody to blame to make yourself feel better.

Are you serious? You didn't do it?

I didn't do it.

-Then catch whoever did.

-And how the heck am I supposed to do that?

You want to help Charlie, don't you?

Look, just stop it, yeah? Just stop it!

-Get off my back.

-Hey! That man has given his life to this place.

He's sat at home and you've got a job.

How do you feel?

Yeah. Then do something about it, then.

-You all right, darling?

-Jez!

That's the guvnor.

He's going to be telling me that calling you "darling"

is inappropriate, but, you know, it's all relative, isn't it?

After all, I am here to help. Boss, you OK?

Yeah, he's still with us. Going to need that second unit, though.

SIREN APPROACHES

How do you do that?!

Right, the main thing is that you are in really safe hands.

That man behind me, the old one, he's been doing this forever

and I'm the best new recruit since him.

Jez! Will you just get her name, please?

-What's your name, sweetheart?

-SHE GROANS

It's all right, I get it. You're shy.

We're going to get you sorted as soon as we can.

I have to go! I have to go!

Hey, hey, hey! It's going to be all right.

It's going to be OK, come on, give me a smile.

SHE SPITS

Nice. We've got a live one.

Right. Can you tell me what happened?

I'm not sure.

Have you hurt your wrist?

And what's your name?

Alex. Alex Grady.

He's Joe.

Been clubbing?

Clubbing?

The leather.

Right. Funny.

Er, where's my yoghurt? Has somebody taken my yoghurt?

What are you up to?

She's going to the Mortality Cafe.

Is that good?

It's great.

Not a phrase I'd expect to hear every day.

I think what Glen's doing is amazing.

I think more people should confront their feelings.

Is that why you're taking him cake?

It's my turn. You made that lovely lemon drizzle.

Lemon misery. And is he wearing make-up?

You have a lot to learn about people, don't you?

Good lord, Mac. That's quite a get-up.

Are you staying at the YMCA?

ALL LAUGH

Am I interrupting?

Nope. We're just off.

Is it something I said?

Well, I should imagine it's something about Charlie.

Yes, well... what was I supposed to do?

May I make a suggestion?

I think, if it looked as though

you were seeking out the real guilty party,

then people might feel more charitable towards you.

GCS 15, BP 120 over 75, pulse 95, sats 98%.

-OK, no seatbelt, though?

-What do you think?

I think he's an idiot and I'm thinking about blaming him for the theft of my yogurt.

-You too?

-Staffroom fridge?

-Yeah.

-It's outrageous. Something should done.

-I would just castrate them.

-Would you?

Yeah. I would actually because that's natural justice.

-Anything I can help with?

-Er, one second.

Rita, do you want to look after this gentleman here? Mac? Mac.

Mac? What have you come as?

-They said it was urgent.

-Ethan, Resus 2.

Yeah. Let's go.

This is Alex. Facial lacerations, query fractured right wrist.

I think we're all right, actually, thank you.

-Anything else hurt?

-No, no. All fine.

OK. Well, we'll take some details

and then we can find out exactly what happened.

OK? We're going this way.

All right, I'm just going to check you over.

Make sure we know exactly what's going on.

Can you tell us your name?

Don't say much, do you?

Nice boots.

Don't you start. I was late for work.

My dad always said that bikes were dangerous.

Oh, really? Are you going to tell us what happened?

One minute I was driving quietly

and the next some wide boy's shining a torch in my face.

I'm just going to lay the bed back

while I have a feel of your abdomen. OK?

-No! I need to get away.

-All right...

Only I've really got to be somewhere.

-We'll have you out of here as quick as we can.

-No. Now. Now!

All right, whatever has happened, you're in a hospital

and you're safe.

I promise. OK? Just lie down.

Why don't you tell the doctor your name?

Why do you have a bike, if they're so dangerous?

Because I wanted to be Steve McQueen.

-Who?

-You haven't seen The Great Escape?

I want my mum.

You should watch it. It's a good film, you know.

Let's get a CT scan just to be on the safe side.

And then I'm going to need to look at your arm.

OK? Thank you, Mac.

If you're brave, it'll be fine.

Who told you that?

It's Jennifer...

..my name.

-There you go.

-What's that?

You said catch the thief.

You are joking?

I most certainly am not. You said, get proof, so I am.

With that? How?

OK, so we leave the camera up there.

The pills...are here.

Let it record. And watch things back on here.

Oh, mate, that's the worst idea I've ever heard.

You're going to leave drugs out on a...

-Just trust me, yeah.

-Why should I do that?

They didn't go missing from the staffroom.

-No, they went missing from where they went missing.

-Oh, Mac, why are you doing this?

-To catch the thief.

-Or hide him?

OK, can I get some 2-0 vicryl, please?

And let's get this thing off.

-Argh!

-Argh is about right, actually. You've been very lucky, though.

You've got a negative CT, nothing intracranial,

which isn't too bad for somebody that's been in such a big smash.

-You're not going to tell me anything about the accident though, no?

-I don't remember much...

Hi.

Perfect timing. Can I help you?

Hey, you! I'm halfway through treating you.

I told you, I'm fine. I run ten miles a day.

Just wanted to check on my friend.

Hi, Alex.

OK. I'm going to give you one minute,

and then I'm going to need your next of kin. All right?

Can you do this for me? I need to grab a dressing and a razor.

Nice jacket.

You saved my life.

How's the girl?

Stable, amazingly. And him?

OK, but something doesn't quite add up.

Alex, where are you going?

Toilet. Sorry. Is that OK?

Yeah, of course, just make your way back to the cubicles.

-As soon as you can.

-PHONE RINGS

So, come on, tell me about this accident.

Hello? Yeah, that's me.

It wasn't Mark? Well, then, who?

Great.

Um...

Yeah, OK.

Yeah. Thanks, officer.

Jennifer! What happened?!

-We were just talking!

-Alex? Alex! Get Doctor Keogh.

-That's her!

-Who?

-The girl.

-What girl?

The girl from the RTC. You know, the um...

-Oh, right, yeah, the fantasist.

-Is she?

Yeah, her dad said. He dropped this in earlier.

He was really worried.

-She was asking for her mum.

-Her mum's dead.

Fantasist? Now, Mac, try and do something useful today.

Something work-related.

Cameras and helmets!

-You all right?

-Yeah, I'm just off.

Sorry?

To see Glen. Excuse me.

-The death man.

-Right.

Hang on. Is it you?

-Is what me?

-The fridge thief?

No, and do you think I'd tell you even if it was?

Where's my cake?!

Did anybody see what happened?

I was having a go.

He said he was driving, he was trying to apologise.

Alex. Can you hear me?

His resps are up a bit, aren't they? Heart rate's 72.

He said he runs every day.

I always said being fit could kill you.

Is he going to be all right?

He's rigid. Let's get him to Resus, please.

Mac, can you look after Jennifer for us?

OK, let's get a big line in and Fast scan as soon as possible.

-Is he going to be all right?

-They'll do everything they can for him.

I rang your father.

He sounded very worried. He's on his way now. OK?

He was all right. He was going to the toilet.

-OK. Let's see what we've got.

-He's getting a bit shut down.

-What did you do to him, you must have done something?

-Joe, please.

-I will not be quiet.

My friend is on that bed because of something you did!

-I'll not be quiet.

-Can someone bleep the surgical SPR, please?

-Hey, hey! What are you doing?

Alex, when was the last have something to eat or drink?

-What are you doing? That's my friend.

-Alex, come on, talk to me. Alex?

-Hi.

-Hi.

-I was going to buy you...

-I got you a present...

I saw you coming.

Great.

Shall we go inside?

Yeah, that would be nice.

Rita, are you all right?

-Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fine.

-Are you sure?

Oh, Rita...

-Excuse me.

-What can I do for you?

I had a phone call. My son. I think he's had an accident.

-What's his name?

-Grady. Alex Grady.

Oh, I hate this.

HE KNOCKS

-Mrs Grady?

-Phoebe.

Please, sit down.

My name's Doctor Keogh.

I'm afraid I have some very bad news for you.

Your son died in theatre about 20 minutes ago.

I'm sorry?

He was in a car that was involved in a collision with another.

He presented with a fractured wrist and was stable

but then his condition deteriorated very suddenly.

He was a very fit young man, wasn't he?

Alex? Yes...

Well, sometimes that can disguise significant blood loss.

The heart is just very good at compensating.

As soon as we realised, we rushed him to theatre,

and the surgeons performed a significant procedure,

but he...he didn't make it.

Everybody did everything that they could. I'm sorry for your loss.

Can I see him?

See if he needs anything?

Yes, yes.

If you wait here, I'll, um...I'll see who I can find.

KNOCK ON DOOR

-Oi!

-Sorry?

I need a favour.

Right.

Anything you want to admit?

No.

OK.

We've got a mother just come in. Her boy died in the RTC.

Dylan needs someone to take her down to the morgue.

Apparently, one of the nurses will pick up the notes from theatre

-and meet you there.

-This is my penance, is it?

-Why?

Have you done something wrong?

Doctor Keogh, Big Mac said he'll take Mrs Grady down.

Hi, hi, excuse me, I came straight through.

My daughter, Jennifer, I gave you the photo, remember? Someone rang.

Yes, yes, of course, the blonde girl?

That's her. Is she...?

-Um, she's in cubicles, I think, John. Just give me a sec.

-Yes, yes, of course.

Doctor Keogh, I've got Jennifer Dean's father.

He was wondering if he could see her.

Mr Standing, do you want to come with me?

Your daughter's had a bit of a nasty prang, I'm afraid.

Is she OK?

She's broken her right arm, she's got a gash to the head,

cuts and bruises, but otherwise OK.

-We're going to keep her in for observation.

-HOW is she?

Well, as I said...

No, no. I mean, mentally.

She's been a bit disturbed of late. Her mum died and...

Right, OK, well, yes, she's a little shocked, but nothing untoward.

Honestly, thank you. I'm incredibly grateful.

I wouldn't wake her up, if I were you.

Any luck, she'll be home for tea.

-WHISPERS:

-I love you.

Are you OK?

Right, if you could just wait here a moment.

I've got to go and find our nurse.

OK?

He's only just arrived, so they're still...

We'll have to wait, I'm afraid.

We need a trained nurse.

I can't. I can't look, I'm sorry.

Two sugars?

Thank you.

Somebody will be in, in a minute, to tell you more

and then, if you change your mind, you can visit him whenever you want.

If there's anything else you need...

Do you have children?

Sadly, no.

I think you'd be a nice dad.

What happened to...

He left.

I'm angry.

It's his fault.

I'm sorry?

Stephen, before he left...

Alex was such a lovely boy.

Alex blames me.

I blame Stephen.

Right.

-PHONE RINGS

-Sorry.

Oh, please, can you answer it for me?

Of course.

Hello.

No, sorry, she's, er...

I think you have the wrong number.

Who was it?

Must be some kind of mistake.

It was Alex.

How is it?

The cake? Yeah, it was lovely.

Are you... Are you scared of death?

Sorry?

I'm just not sure. I know I have to accept it, philosophically,

and it's going to happen. But...

Is this about your wife?

It just...

It just makes me so angry.

Hey, it's OK to feel angry. Your wife was...

-Oh!

-Sorry!

-I'm so sorry.

-Sorry. I'm...

-It's not you. It's just...

-The cake was lovely.

-I'm sorry.

I'm...

-I don't know... I was told...

-But he's here. He's alive?

I don't know.

But you said! You said, "Wrong number"! You said...

And it's not, is it?

You think it's funny to tell me my son is dead?

Make me view his body?

Offer your bleeding heart sympathies, when all the while...

-No, I...I didn't...

-Didn't what? Didn't think?

Or maybe you just get your kicks out of seeing other people suffer?

The Mortuary just called. What's going on?

-You ask him what he did.

-What did you do?

-I brought her down here to see her son.

-My son is alive.

Are you sure?

Right. Have you spoken to him?

Could you give him a call and find out where he is?

And can you give us a minute?

Yes, of course.

-What happened?

-I don't know.

-What do you mean, you don't know?

-I don't know. Doctor Keogh said...

So you're blaming Doctor Keogh?

No. Well... Yes.

From now on, you do not use your initiative.

You do everything completely and utterly by the book. You got it?

There is going to be a full investigation. Do you know what that means?

I was bringing her down to meet the nurse.

This is very serious, Mac - police, coroner.

Finding out whose that body is!

You've got to take responsibility for your actions, Mac.

I thought you were dead.

Oh! Oh, thank heavens!

How are you?

Battered. How's Joe?

You found him, then?

-Yeah.

-What's your name?

The other person in the car with you is dead.

What is your name?

Can you help?

Sorry?

Ah, hey, hang on, hang on. Come on.

Come and sit down here for a minute.

-What's the matter?

-It's my dad.

Yeah, I rang him, remember.

He's not my dad.

Right.

-He's my step-father.

-OK.

I was driving. Really fast.

I was driving like a maniac.

I just wanted to escape.

Escape from...?

From him.

OK, er, where is he now?

Looking for me, I guess.

You always know you're in trouble

when he calls you his "little angel".

I...

Ever since my mum died, he...

I have an aunt, near Clacton.

Can you take me?

Please?

If I don't get away...

Do I have to spell it out for you?

OK. Wait here.

I have to get off shift.

The wrong body?

Oh, dear.

It's not Alex Grady?

Alex Grady is very much alive.

So, if Alex was pretending to be Joe, then...

It seems Joe is Alex.

So they both lied. Why would they do that?

The police are on their way back. I've spoken to the coroner...

-Dylan, thank goodness it wasn't our fault.

-Yeah.

Sorry...could I have a quick word, please, Rita?

You go. I have a hunch.

Excuse me? I was just with my daughter,

but she seems to have disappeared.

Jennifer? It's OK. I'm back.

Do you want to come with us?

What? What are you doing?!

Don't... We just want to see you safe.

Safe? What are you doing?

Jennifer, come on.

I trusted you! I trusted you!

It's not that we don't believe you, OK?

But we need to check you're all right before you go.

Darling, we want to hear your side of the story.

Are you going to come with me? Yeah? Come on, then.

-Whoa! Whoa! You OK?

-I'm fine, I'm fine.

Jennifer! Jennifer!

Jennifer.

Whoa!

Jennifer! Jennifer! Whoa!

Look, come on now. It's OK.

No! You betrayed me! You make me sick!

Does that hurt?

And that?

You will tell me, won't you?

Yeah.

OK. Any ideas?

-Seatbelt?

-Yeah, could be.

You have the right boy this time?

Mrs Grady, I do understand your frustration, but I can assure you

that the mix-up regarding the names wasn't initiated by us.

Was it, Alex?

OK. I'll be back.

You idiot!

You have to protect me. Mum, they can't know I was driving.

You think they can't work it out? You're a child...

Oh, yeah, it's always my fault. Ever since Dad left.

Do this, do that. It's like I'm living in Guantanamo.

Don't you dare blame me!

Or him.

You hero worship him, but do you know what?

-He'd be ashamed of you now.

-But I...

You killed your best friend.

You really want to talk your way out of that?

HE TAPS KEYBOARD

TAPS

TAPS

TAPS

You don't know what you've done, do you?

We were concerned about you. You asked for your mum.

-She's dead.

-Well, is yours alive?

Aren't there still times you want her to be?

Why did you run away? We only wanted to check you were OK.

You have no idea, do you? Just how persuasive he can be...

I'm sorry, sir. Jennifer needs a couple of moments.

Are you OK? What were you doing? Did they hurt you?

I can't thank you enough.

I'm sorry, but you're going to have to go.

My little angel.

Oh, Mr Standing. I've been looking for you.

We need to run some tests on Jennifer,

but, in the meantime, can I have a word with you in my office?

Yeah, sure.

-Hey! I don't mean to worry you, but your pills have gone.

-OK. Go.

So sorry, Mr Standing. We've just got to examine her.

She really shouldn't be running off like that in her condition.

Thank you.

Does she... Does she often behave like this?

Well, she's a troubled girl.

If it's bad, she's hysterical,

making things up, you know, convinced people are out to get her.

Paranoid?

I have to watch out for her.

That was why I was so worried with the car.

Has she accused you of things before?

Me?

Yes. Yes, she has.

What kind of things?

You know, the thing with Jennifer is she's learned that sometimes

if you play the victim, you can turn things to your advantage.

OK. I'm going to go and see where these tests results are.

Can I get you a coffee?

Thank you.

He wanted to do it.

Joe, he wanted to cover for me.

You should have said no.

But you shouldn't have been driving.

Help me.

OK, Jennifer. I've spoken to social services and they're on their way.

They're going to want to talk to you,

but don't worry, we'll keep your dad away, OK?

Jennifer?

What are these? Je...

OK. Can I get some help in here, please?

Come on. This is ridiculous.

I did say. There's over six hours of material!

TAPS

What's happened, Rita?

Suspected overdose.

All right, OK. Any ideas?

Oh, yikes. Right, what's her name?

-Jennifer.

-OK. Jennifer, are these the pills you've taken?

-Right. Um, I don't know, charcoal?

-On it.

Thank you. OK, Jennifer, if they are the pills you've taken,

can you tell me how many?

No, you're not going to answer me?

Right, I want you to take this...

Well, that sends a message.

NG tube?

Jennifer, there's one more thing we can try

but I need your consent for it.

This is a naso-gastric tube. Without it...

Doc, stop! She's doesn't need that! There's nothing wrong with her.

-How many years medical training?

-She hasn't taken any drugs.

Well, then what are those?

-Vitamin C.

-What?

-How do you know?

-I...

If you're wrong about that, you're seriously jeopardising her health.

-Taste one.

-You taste one!

-Please, just taste one.

Well, what's going on? What were you trying to do?

It's not her fault. It's me.

I was trying to catch the real thief that took the drugs, you know, I...

..to get Charlie off the hook.

-By leaving drugs out?

-Yeah, but they weren't real drugs.

That's not the point, is it? How could you be so stupid?

I didn't want to go home.

All right, sweetheart. We'll look after you. OK?

Will she be all right?

Physically, she's right as rain.

Mentally, who knows? Ring any bells?

Don't worry about me, Jennifer. I'm notoriously rude and objectionable.

I'm sure you'll be fine.

Where is he?

I think Rita's talking to him.

Do you think she'll believe him?

Did you?

Noel, I've been an idiot.

You tried to help me and I threw it back in your face.

But you were right. It was me.

I took the drugs.

-What about Charlie?

-It was easier to let him take the blame.

-Than feel the shame?

-Yep.

So, what are you going to do?

I'm going to resign.

What, Mac? No.

You said take responsibility, that's what I'm going to do.

Oh, and, er, you are the best friend a man could have.

-Rita, I...

-Mac, Jennifer's dad, I left him in there. Where's he gone?

Oh, no!

What do you want me to do?

I love you more than the whole wide world.

I would do anything to protect you.

No-one's going to believe me, are they?

Not unless you tell the truth.

Um... Sorry to interrupt. A funny thing happened today.

A colleague of mine had to live with the shame of being blamed for something.

And, you know what? She wasn't the one who was responsible.

You weren't wearing a seat-belt, were you?

I'm pretty sure I can match that bruising to a steering wheel.

Your friend's parents are here.

Joe's mum and dad?

Can I see them?

-What did you think you were doing?

-I didn't say anything.

-Are you sure?

-We need to find a cab.

-No.

Get up. Now!

-Hey! What are you doing?

-She's fine.

She was just trying to run out. I was trying to get her back in.

-It's Mac. Up you come.

-She's not well. She's making stuff up...

If she's not well, she needs to be back in hospital.

She wants to come home. Don't you?

You want to come home.

Why is that then? Because she's your "little angel"?

What?

-You need to back off.

-Says who?

-Says me.

-Yeah?

No! Dad!

This is your fault! You're making me do this.

Do it again.

No! Leave him. Leave him!

-Hey!

-Get out of my way. And you, you come here now!

-I'll kill you!

-Calm down!

-Is she all right?

-Yes, she will be.

-Are you OK?

-Yeah.

MAC: 'The day began with a lot of things I couldn't face up to.

'I'd done something terrible.

'But then I...

'I got a big shovel and I started digging.

'I had a choice.

'I could lie and try and get away with it,

'or I could tell the truth and be humiliated.

'So I lied.'

Jen, darling, you're ill. You're hurt, you're...

A fantasist? Really?

And what's an old man who sleeps with his wife's 16-year-old daughter?

'And the more I lied, the worse it got.

'They say, when you're in a hole, stop digging.

'I kept on digging till that hole nearly swallowed me up.'

So, I'm all right?

Tests are clear. You'll live.

And, yes... everything's going to be OK.

So, you don't have to resign.

Yeah.

Yes, I do.

'It was my fault.

'The cause of all my problems was me.

'I contacted the authorities, told them what had happened.

'Because if that day taught me anything,

'it's that you have to do the right thing.

'Not be a coward, take responsibility.

'You have to tell the truth.'

I was driving.

It was me.

All of it, my fault.

'I stole the drugs, and I let my boss take the blame

'because I am an addict.'

Ah, hiya. Tough day?

Oh, awful lot of paperwork. And an awful man.

-Playing victim.

-What for?

Advantage.

Did the police call back? Was it Mark?

Where did you get that?

Jez gave it to me.

That's my cheese! I left it in the fridge.

-Sorry.

-No, you're all right. I'll buy some more.

So, what are you going to do?

Collect your rent, for a start.

I don't know.

I always wanted to travel, and maybe join International Rescue?

I, er...

I got this for you.

I was going to give it to you earlier, but...

It's just a little something to say sorry.

Try and make up.

Been through a lot, you and me, haven't we?

You...

..you're the best mate a man could have.

Come here.

Ah, Maximillian. Keep an eye on my cubbyhole for me.

I will do. Thanks, mate.

Boss.

-Good luck.

-Take care of yourself.

And you.

Doc.

Corp!

See you later, pal.

Er... You might want to show everyone that film.

All of it?

No, er...

Three hours, 12 minutes and 22 seconds.

So, I guess this is the big exit?

Oh, you know...

Steve McQueen.

Well, sort of.

'My only regret was that I couldn't look my friend

'Charlie in the eye and say sorry for what I did.'

LAUGHTER

What's he like?

He stole my cake! He stole my cake!

It wasn't me! It's not what it looks like...

Have you got a knife, Jez?

Then, how am I going to castrate you?

Have a heart, will you? I was starving. I can't cook!

-I blame my mum.

-No! You don't blame anyone.

You apologise to everyone.

And you buy everything back!

Go on, get out of it!

Natural justice!

ALL JEER

You never said. How was your date?

Messy, and it wasn't a date.

-Right.

-And I'm off Battenberg.

Those squares, when you think about it, they're just weird, aren't they?

Weird, aren't they?

So, you still haven't told me. Did the police call back?

-I'd hate to think you were vulnerable.

-Will you walk me home?

-Yeah, but I thought...

-It was Mark.

He's still out there.

Oh, Rita.

Hang on a minute, you're not playing victim, are you?

Oh, yeah. For advantage.

I've missed you.

Have you?

That better?

Much.

'I decided to do the right thing.'

So, Charlie, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I let you down.

But I promise that I will try to learn from your example...

..not to blame people, but to help them...

..and to be a better man.

APPLAUSE