The Good Samaritan Casualty

I'm not sending you away, Ollie - it's not your job to look after me.

Cubicles are clogged with drunks.

Is this about your booze bus proposal?

It did make interesting reading.

-Then will I get to see Grace?

-She's busy.

-Grace!

-Hugo!

-You lied.

-I'm so sorry.

HE CRIES

Oh...

OK...

< RUNNING WATER

Mysterious.

Hello, there!

I've got to go.

Thanks for last night.

I look forward to remembering more about it as the day goes on.

-MAN:

-Bye, Dave!

Bye!

Hi, there.

At least eat something. Come on.

Do you want some more maple syrup?

Right.

Drink that.

RADIO PLAYS NESSUM DORMA

KNOCKING

Morning, Hugo.

-Morning.

-Come on in.

HE SINGS ALONG TO NESSUM DORMA

Greetings, oh pregnant one.

What on Earth is all this?

David Hide reporting for duty... in style.

Impulse buy. We can have a spin later,

but in the meantime, why don't we just soak it all in, OK?

Have we only got three drip stands?

Yes, cos that's what we asked for.

-OK, we're going to need more than that.

-There's not going to be that many, is there?

Do they teach you clairvoyancy at paramedic school?

There are some broken ones in Big Mac's cubby hole,

-so we should salvage what we can.

-When you say "we", you mean...?

-I mean you two.

-Hm.

-Chop, chop.

I thought there was supposed to be two ugly sisters and one Cinderella?

He does know we're volunteering, right?

I'm not. I'm getting paid.

What? How much?

-How can you even afford this?

-I can't.

I just thought young Sister Duffy should go to her party in style.

It's across the road!

It's not the length of the journey, it's the quality of the ride.

Have you seen your psychiatrist recently?

Morning.

Yo! D-man.

Don't-don't ever do that! Have you had a Lottery win or something?

All right, all right - I'm going to see her now.

Lovely woman, her name's Carol, room 303,

if you want to check up on me.

Is that his psychiatrist?

Yeah.

Yeah. Not sure how good a job she's doing.

No, neither am I.

Lauren, Lauren, stop nagging me,

I am going to be there front and centre,

proudest man on Earth...

'Where's the glitter?'

-Eh?

-'Glitter's not in my bag!'

No, I put it next to your bag - I told you.

'Go get me it.'

I can't - I'm busy!

'Fine.'

CALL IS CUT OFF

POP MUSIC PLAYS

All the years are doing it. Mark Dodson said he's going to...

..drop his trousers at the end and show his bum.

And Shazia's doing street dancing and she's asked me to do it.

Pretty embarrassing.

Sorry. You'll be...

Soon...

I think we should let Grace have some rest, all right?

You can pop back later.

You'd like that, wouldn't you?

Bye.

Hugo, thank you so much for coming to visit, but you know you really don't have to.

I wanted to.

Right, well, I have to get to work, so...

I have to get to school.

You OK?

The talent show's this afternoon, if you'd like to come?

I have to work, unfortunately,

but I'm sure your parents will enjoy it, OK?

The waffles smell lovely.

SMASHING

MUSIC: Together Forever by Rick Astley

It's a daft question, but are you all right?

It's a daft question, I'll give you that.

Anything hurting?

No... Well, the seatbelt got me a bit.

Can you help me, please?

I don't think you're supposed to move.

I can smell petrol.

OK.

OK.

If you've hurt your neck, this could make it worse, you know.

Are you a doctor?

Estate agent.

You'd know all about pains in the neck, then.

I'm Arnie, by the way.

Sally.

What happened to the other car?

How long have there been bollards there?

They've always been there.

I haven't the foggiest where I am.

HOOTING

Better try and shift it.

No, leave it.

Can't leave it here.

What's this knob under the steering wheel?

Oh, you won't need the choke.

Choke?

How old is this thing?

Older than you but twice as pretty.

If I miss my girl's school show,

I'll be sending her round to you for an explanation...

Oh, you do that.

One of my favourite hobbies is shouting at young people.

Right.

Oh!

Argh! No!

Get me out! Argh!

Does Dr Keogh have any psychiatric training?

No - just problems, no training.

Then why avoid him?

Oh, I think he'll know I'm off the lithium.

Do you think you should return to your medication?

Do you know?

I don't recall ever feeling better, but that might worry people.

Oh?

My colleagues may be happier with the quiet me.

Why do you think that?

Well...

Misery likes company.

If I'm on a high, it only goes to highlight how they are not.

If I'm quiet and sullen...

..it makes them feel better about themselves, you see?

I don't need to be here. You can work this out for yourself.

But keep going forward, then?

Life is for living.

Life is for living. I like that.

Life is for living.

David?

What?

A little too chipper, perhaps?

I think they're, um... experimenting with his meds.

Right.

Paramedics are outside.

Medic needed for RTC, major burns incident,

difficult extraction. Um...

Yes, you may need to take a nurse to assist.

I'll do it. No, seriously.

Seriously, I spent six months on a burns unit in 2005 and then

volunteered as a fire marshal at a racetrack years before that.

-OK, you do that.

-Hm.

Life's for living. Let's do it!

Excellent.

It'll give us a chance to talk about how a band 5 nurse can afford that car.

-It will.

-Hm.

-Have you ever noticed how drab it is in here?

No, I can't say I have.

That is fantastic.

Is it?

Yeah. You've done brilliantly, and I'm very proud of you.

Come on, fellas.

What's that like?

How old's the child?

The Power of Positive Thought?

Keep going - you are fulfilling your potential.

Who are you?

Ta-da!

Hey, don't let the fact it took most of the night put you off from criticising.

The icing's runny.

A b'day is something you wash your backside in.

Is it supposed to be the colour of sick? Is that a nurse thing?

Guys, look, this isn't the Great British Bake-Off!

Well, you'd be out if it was.

Charlie - help a man out here, will you?

Look, I thought after your cake, I thought the personal touch...

That's really beautiful.

Duffy will be very pleased with all the effort you put into that.

There's just one small thing.

Yeah?

She's actually 56.

Old car, with nylon seat covers,

and the poor bloke's suit was melted to them.

He's had 20 of morphine,

and we're going to need all hands on deck to extricate him.

He's very distressed - and might need some ketamine.

Classic car enthusiast I see, not?

Help me.

What's your name, soldier?

-Arnie.

-Arnie, Arnie. OK, you stay calm, my friend,

breathing nice and gentle, OK?

There's nothing else to think about, nothing else to focus on but me.

You focus on me, not the situation, not the future, just me.

You focus on our little chat and I promise everything will be just fine.

We on the same page, compadre?

-I'm scared.

-No, no, no, don't - no need to be scared.

I want you to tell me something, Arnie. Do you like the cinema?

Yeah.

Good, good, because I want you to think about the last film

you walked out of, OK? Arnie? Arnie.

OK.

And you tell me in just a minute.

OK, that's 50 of ketamine in.

-You should start to feel a little better now, OK?

-OK.

That poor, poor boy.

I'll find out as soon as he gets in.

Never leave the house. Why the heck did I leave the house?

Sorry - can you keep still, please?

He should have just driven past.

No, people don't, do they? And neither of you were to know.

Hello, trouble.

Well, someone knows how to make a bad day worse.

I hear you were lucky.

To the detriment to that poor lad.

He's in good hands.

Oh? You finished your shift, then?

Very good.

Yes, she does mean it.

Right, let's get a chest X-ray and an ECG, please.

-Second Matrix.

-What's that? what's that, my friend? What's that?

Second Matrix is the last film I walked out of.

Now here is a man with taste.

Loved the first one.

Oh, loved it. Classic. Cinematic milestone.

But the second one - I didn't have a clue what was going on.

Same here. There was a girl on her mobile in the cinema.

I asked her to stop.

Ten minutes into the film, I lean forward,

I say, "Darling, please, feel free to carry on" and I walk out.

I almost walked out of Fifty Shades Of Grey but it was a date.

Oh! You old dog, you! Woof, woof.

She seemed to like it.

Ah! Bit of a ladies' man, eh, Arnie?

I try my best.

-You know I'll have to call the school?

-Yeah.

Not that it's not nice to see you again.

Dad left a message - he can't come to the talent show.

The step-witch isn't feeling well.

Oh!

-Keira's not that bad.

-She keeps her broomstick in the attic.

She tries to be nice, I know she does,

it's just sometimes I catch her looking at me.

She'd be happier if I wasn't there. So would I.

It'll get better, I'm sure.

Mum would have come to the talent show.

She'd have been in the front row, cheering and whooping, embarrassing me.

You're the only other person I know.

I'm sorry to interrupt, Mrs Beauchamp.

Sally Hodges' results are in.

Oh, OK, thank you.

All right, I need to get back to work, so come and wait inside.

-Thank you.

-Now you can go.

I thought it was your day off?

Yeah, just got to catch up on a few things. Morning.

Cal. Looking smart.

Thanks for these, by the way.

I'm going to get stuck in today.

Hm. Don't work too hard.

OK, let's keep a close eye on the airway, please, and can we do

an arterial blood gas to check his carboxyhaemoglobin?

-Superman.

-Superman? Superman's boring! He gets everything handed to him on a plate.

He lost his family! Who's yours, then?

Hulk, obvs. Tortured genius is a raging beast on the inside.

Plus he doesn't witter on - he smashes and walks off.

Pain OK?

I'll live.

Keep very still.

OK, on my count, then. One, two, three...

OK, not too far. That's enough.

Anyway, you don't have to dream of being a superhero -

you are a superhero.

The Human Torch?

I like his sense of humour.

OK, can we have an urgent chest X-ray, please?

Let's calculate fluid regime and chart these burns.

Arnie, Arnie, look at me. Look at me.

Are we going to kiss?

Not my type. I prefer them medium rare.

Quite a sense of humour yourself.

Maybe-maybe we should kiss?

There's a lot of love in this room.

OK, these burns to the legs look circumferential,

so we will need to keep monitoring those closely.

No, no, Arnie, Arnie, Arnie, look at me.

Arnie, Arnie, look at me.

Why does it smell of bacon sarnies in here?

Keep-keep looking at me, Arnie. Keep looking at me.

Dave, why?

Long pigs.

Uh?

Long pigs.

It's what cannibals call humans...

long pigs.

David, can I have a word?

No.

That's me? I smell like bacon?

You suffered severe burns being the hero...

I wasn't a hero! She was fine without me!

That's me I can smell?

Arnie. Arnie, we need you to stay calm.

We're going to give you some more pain relief and do everything we can to make you comfortable.

I don't know where to begin.

Sorry, sorry - why are you handling me?

You need to employ a lot more tact.

The man is dying. I'm trying to help him in any possible way I can.

No, no, no, no. You have no reason to think that.

I suggest you start behaving with a bit more sensitivity.

OK, OK, I'm a little concerned about Nurse Hide as well.

Yeah - I'm the one keeping him calm, Judas.

You're being inappropriate.

I'm being inappropriate? Dylan, tell him what are his chances?

He's responding well to the treatment.

I'm not a member of the family. I'm asking you as a fellow professional.

Well, we have to see how things develop - it's too early to tell.

Look, he's a good guy, he stepped in to help and now he's in big trouble.

I just want to get him through this with dignity.

Keep it tight and professional.

So where were you going?

Last time I saw you, you weren't leaving the house.

Well, I shouldn't have.

This is the first time since the operation,

so it's quite clearly God's way of telling me to wait inside for him.

Your operation was about seven months ago, wasn't it?

This the first you've been out since then?

I'm a dab hand at the internet.

I can get everything I need and I only have to see one other person to sign for it.

So where were you going?

Although how they think they're getting a signature on those contraptions, I'll never know...

Sally?

Sorry, Charlie. Lily's asking where we're having Duffy's do.

So tell her.

She's invited?

Right. Sorry.

I would have thought a man of your age needs to get straight to his bed after a shift.

I can keep up - just about.

I used to like a night out. I could drink whisky like a fish.

So come along with us. I'll buy you one.

Charlie, have you, um...?

-Excuse me.

-Popular man.

-You got it.

-Can't for the life of me think why.

Arnie?

Is there anyone you want me to call? A partner?

I'm dead.

My girl - she's going to kill me when I don't turn up.

Why's that?

School talent show, she's been practising for months.

You don't need to think about that now, OK?

No, it's just...

She's so beautiful, breathtaking.

She's not great, though.

I wanted to be there for her when she didn't win.

OK, Mr Letts, we're going to ease the pressure in your legs

by making a couple of incisions on both sides.

The skin is just tightening where it's burned.

Sounds fun.

THROWS UP

Is that normal?

I think we're going to transfer you to the specialist burns unit at St James.

Can we prepare for an arthrotomy, please? Jacob, quick word.

You can make a man paranoid.

It's not looking good, is it?

I'm a little concerned that his airway...

..that his airway's compromised.

OK, let's get on with the arthrotomy.

I'll call burns and plastics.

All right.

You've gone quiet, Dave.

That's because you're doing really well, Arnie, that's why.

Come on.

Next question.

If...

If this was your last day on Earth, what would you do?

That's a bit close to the knuckle!

What would you do?

Spend it with her.

David?

Is this my last day?

It could well be.

-Dave, Dave...

-Right, let's get him out of here.

I'm sorry, but you need to say what you have to say.

Ignore this man. You are stable.

-Get Duffy here - you're off shift.

-Look, I hope you don't die but you need to know it's a possibility!

I'll deal with you in a minute.

Here, everyone says it's crap.

Gemma, love, it isn't crap. This is...

It's a great effort, showing loads of improvement.

She isn't that stupid.

Eh! Keep your nose out, you.

Reading this...

Back off, Tiger Lily.

Racist, which I doubt you could spell.

I can't help being thick.

Eh, you're not thick.

I agree. I blame the teacher.

What, you think you can do better?

Yes. Come with me. I'll prove it.

OK.

All right?

They want you in Resus.

Right.

Yes, I remembered that.

What?

Good coincidence.

It's like the universe is telling me everything is as it should be.

Or just luck?

Happy birthday, Duffy.

Thanks.

Too drab.

Yes. Sally Hodges, suspect mass on right breast.

Teacher's here.

Do you want me to come and talk to her?

No, it's fine.

Six weeks? Really?

Hugo?

I-I don't have anybody else to come.

I'm sorry, I can't.

OK.

Sorry.

Right, thanks.

OK, I've got Sally Hodges' surgical outpatient appointment fixed up.

Looks like she needs a biopsy.

OK.

Connie, you need to stop.

Stop what?

Work. I can't get finished in time to take over with Grace.

Oh, well, welcome to the world of parenting.

-What's more important than your daughter?

-Nothing.

Good.

Let's see where your priorities lie.

-I'm not going.

-Really?

The board have called a meeting - I have to attend,

-the carer finishes in one hour.

-No...

I'm sorry about David's behaviour. That's not how we do things.

He meant it.

Look, as bad as your injuries are, we will do everything in our power to help.

But he said this could be my last day.

No, no - you are doing really well.

I want you to contact Holby Grammar School.

Lauren Chapman, she's in Year Ten.

Ketamine going in.

OK, now, you should know that once we've done this procedure,

we may need to put you on a ventilator to help with your breathing, OK?

No, no, no - you're not listening to me, all of you.

-OK.

-I need to speak to her. Do you understand?

We might not have the choice soon.

Oh, please, please!

I'll ring the school. OK?

OK. Is he under?

Uh-huh.

So, it's nothing to overly concern yourself with,

but we have booked you a surgical outpatient appointment.

So it is something to overly concern myself with?

Every time I come to this place, you sit there

with your hangdog expression and tell me there's something lurking about in my insides.

Well, Charlie Fairhead, you can call me a taxi.

Hiding your head in the sand is not going to help.

Looks like the lunatics have taken over the asylum.

Trust me, that happened a long time ago.

That's Duffy's headscarf.

I'm just trying to brighten up the day, Lord Charlie of Fairhead.

Where do you want me?

You come and sit by me, petal.

I thought it looked so dull in here.

Could you please take that headscarf off, David?

So, what's worrying you?

David, this is my patient.

Get lost, misery - this one's fun.

He tells me there's nothing to worry about,

when there most certainly is.

What is he doing?

Oh, just a wild guess here, but I would say David is on a high.

You keep an eye on him.

I'll have a word with Occupational Health.

All right - chill out, Ronaldo!

Trust me, I'm a nurse.

You look more like a four-year-old that got to dress himself.

No, I would have dressed as a pirate when I was four.

So, this is it...

..the great outdoors,

the thing you've been most afraid of.

What's the worst that can happen?

Plague of locusts?

I'm not simple.

I know that agoraphobia is a symptom, not the illness.

I've been this way for 20 years -

do you think I haven't read a book on it?

I feel guilt for all sorts of things,

but mainly because I got knocked up when I was too young,

so I chose agoraphobia as a punishment.

Right?

Now, where's this amazing car of yours, because I want to get out of here.

But you have to feel the fear and do it anyway!

Life is for living.

Save all that nonsense for the Facebook.

Just get me home and let me rot away like I bleeding well want to -

I have a right to hide away from this horrible, disgusting world.

But-but it's not horrible or disgusting.

Of course it is! Genocide. Human trafficking, mutilating children...

It's a disgrace of a world and I want nothing to do with it,

because I can't help, and neither, clearly, can you.

Let's get you back inside, Sally. We haven't finished.

I discharged myself.

Well, you left this in the cubicle. What about house keys?

Idiot!

David, get changed and go home.

You don't come back until you've checked in with Occupational Health.

They'll be contacting you soon, OK?

Well, there goes my ride.

I suppose I'll be calling myself a taxi.

Listen, Sally, this appointment is urgent.

That all depends what I think about myself.

Which is what?

I'm a useless old woman.

I was coming to see you. I found the lump myself.

I know I should have gone to the doctors, but in all this time,

you're the only person I've had a reasonable conversation with.

We said to each other...

I know what was said - I was there!

And isn't that the saddest bit?

The only person I could think to visit was a professional just doing his job.

No, that isn't the truth.

I...

I don't want to see you hiding away. That's no life.

No, it isn't. But that's the way it crumbles.

Sometimes. Goodbye, Charlie.

The E is the wrong way round.

No. Start from the beginning.

Knew it. A quitter. Can't stand being told no.

A child in an adult's body.

How has no-one killed you yet?

Do it right, and I'll shut up.

Have you ever seen the Karate Kid?

Mr Miyagi is Japanese.

Oh, sorry, I'm...

No, no, it's fine.

Um...

Maybe I should... I should take some time off?

If that's what you want?

I don't think I have much choice.

Come on.

Do you like zombie films?

I love them. Guilty pleasure.

A friend of mine did film studies and he told me that the zombies were supposed to represent consumers...

shoppers, walking around in a trance, buying rubbish.

But me...

I think there's a new explanation.

Did you know that one in four people in the UK will suffer

a mental health issue?

That suicide is the biggest killer of men aged between 29 and 40?

And how have we been dealing with this epidemic?

We've been handing out the sweeties the pharmaceutical companies

tell us to and we've created a whole new wave of zombies.

We must be allowed to live, not be sedated.

Fight through this, Dave - don't give in.

You don't want to be a zombie, do you?

No.

No.

Sally Hodge, refusing treatment.

What can you do if they don't want our help?

That's our job, though, isn't it?

Helping? Whether they think they need it or not.

Home care team, please.

Her mum... she never wanted me in her life.

She was right.

And the kids always get stuck in the middle.

No...

Dr Keogh.

Can you open up for me, please?

Yeah, we should intubate.

No.

Well, your airway is narrowing.

I need to see her.

-There's still no-one picking up at the school.

-Leave a message.

I did mate, twice. I'm sorry.

Find her. Please.

OK, let's give him some high flow oxygen,

let's notify the on-call anaesthetist that we might

have a difficult airway and standby with a surgical airway.

David!

I-I was just... I was just wishing him luck. Au revoir.

Hugo?

Not running away again, are you?

Not now.

Good. Come on, then.

Look, trouble's here.

Oh, I knew it would come running eventually.

I think you did very well.

I think you're an excellent teacher.

There's many positives we can take from this.

Shut up!

RAP MUSIC PLAYS, ENGINE REVS LOUDLY

Could you turn that down, please?

Maybe we could call your mum - get her to meet us?

No. She hates him. She'll be glad.

An acrimonious split, then?

How did he get burnt?

Because, Lauren, your dad is a hero.

Eh?

About bleeding time!

He is the bravest man I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.

When he knew how serious it was, do you know what he said?

He said he only wanted to see you,

because he knew how nervous you were about the talent show.

-I don't care about that now.

-No, no, no - quite right, quite right,

because you take after him, too.

You should do the act in the hospital, for him...

No, no, no - it'll be perfect - the happy ending he deserves.

Ending?

I want you to be brave, just like him.

Can you do that for me, Lauren?

Good - come on.

I won't be a minute.

What's this?

This... This is Lauren.

No, this is Resus and I don't want relatives in.

I particularly don't want you in here, David.

-Nonsense.

-Don't move, Arnie.

This is the very least this man deserves.

When a human being puts himself on the line for another,

that is the ultimate sacrifice.

You're not very well.

Maybe-maybe I'm fine?

Maybe it's everyone else who's sick, turning into zombies...

-You all right?

-Don't get excited. I see the broken one's back.

But the fact still remains that this man's last wish...

Stop!

..is... All right.

His possible last wish...

..is to see his little girl perform at the school talent show.

What heartless specimen of humanity would deny him that pleasure?

This one.

Oh, Judas himself.

Are you casting yourself as Jesus now?

Can I do this? Otherwise I'll get too nervous.

Oh, yes, yes, of course, of course.

Well, privacy, please, chaps? Privacy.

Er, no, we're not going to leave a critically ill patient, David.

I'll get Security.

Lauren?

I'm sorry I couldn't do more to help, Arnie.

Right, now, you just take your time.

OK.

HE PLAYS RAP SONG

Oh, wow, I thought she was going to sing a song or something.

She's a real Daddy's girl.

Shall we turn this off?

David.

David, turn it off!

HE TURNS SONG OFF

Was it rubbish? I was rubbish, wasn't I?

No, no, no - of course not - you were great.

I need to give your dad some more treatment.

You're a very good dancer - I'm sure he's very proud.

He-he isn't my dad.

What do you mean? Of course he is. He said.

Urgh! He wouldn't say that!

Lauren, if he's not your dad...?

He's my boyfriend.

How old are you, Lauren?

15, next month.

Let's get her out of here please, Charlie.

Arnie... I love you... Get better, please.

OK, his sats are dropping and he's barely moving any air.

OK, I want to intubate. Can we prepare for an RSI, please?

Let's get 200 of fentanyl,

150 of ketamine and 100 of rocuronium, please.

Who are you?

David, get out.

You should have said!

Get out!

You are no hero, Arnie!

You're not a hero, Arnie!

No, Lauren, it isn't right.

And I'm afraid we have to talk to social services and the police, OK?

But... I love him. He's a nice guy, isn't he?

He helped you.

He's not a nice guy if he's taking advantage of schoolgirls.

I know what I'm doing.

No, you think you know what you're doing but I'm telling you,

you really don't.

I thought you were good at this? Show some tact, man.

What - like you, you mean?

I'm trying to explain to Lauren that she is the victim in this...

Back off!

Excuse me.

He tries to help but he just ends up annoying people.

This Arnie, does he give you nice things?

And takes you out to places that...

well, you might not be old enough for?

You know him?

No, chicken, but I know people like him.

They smile, they treat you nice,

and all the time they know exactly what they're doing.

They're taking liberties with a little girl who has a grown-up body,

and who only wants someone to show her some love.

Things haven't changed all that much.

David, wait for me outside the grounds.

I've nearly finished my shift, and we can grab for a coffee.

David, please, wait for me!

What did it say before the makeover?

Oh, er... 46.

I feel bad enjoying myself after such a day.

You helped.

I'm not sure a girl can be helped when she's in love.

She got it.

Well, let's hope her paedo boyfriend survives and then gets his. Slainte.

Slainte mhath.

Oh, come on - I was duped! We all were.

Heroes can also be villains, I see that now.

I was naively optimistic. The world is cruel, I remember.

Nut job!

Look, I've obviously dampened the party - I'm sorry.

Although it's not much of a party, is it. Is there anything I can do?

Well, there's no strippers.

Excellent idea.

Duffy - happy birthday!

David, I thought you were going to take me for a ride in that car?

How about we do that now, eh?

-That's an amazing idea. There's something I want to show you.

-OK, let's go.

Later.

-Call the mental health team.

-On it.

RINGING

'Hi, Charlie - it's Dylan.'

I need David's home address.

I'm afraid he's in a much worse state than we thought.

Adventure time!

MUSIC: Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen