Cold War Doctor Who

RADAR PINGS

'Signal is genuine. Signal is genuine.

'Zero bravo...'

Prepare to launch nuclear weapons.

Aye, sir.

'Moscow confirming launch sequence.'

The Firebird stands ready to serve.

For the Motherland.

For the Motherland.

# This means nothing to me

# This means nothing to me

# Oh, Vienna. #

Have I interrupted something?

We were about to blow up the world, Professor.

Again?

Ultravox! I bloody love 'em.

Got a friend who sends me the tapes.

This is the Captain. Drill abandoned. All hands, stand down.

Repeat - drill abandoned.

-With respect, sir, we must run it again.

-Tomorrow.

Comrade Captain, the NATO exercises...

Sabre-rattling.

I don't think so.

Oh, you don't think so?

Sir, American aggression gets more intolerable by the day.

We must run the drill again!

Tomorrow.

Did you have your specimen stowed OK?

Yeah, Piotr's looking after it.

Well, at least we have something to show

for our little hunting expedition. What is it? A mammoth?

Probably.

What are you, milaya moya?

Professor wants you thawed out back in Moscow, but...

life's too short to wait.

RUMBLING AND CRACKING

GROWLING

-Ah!

-Get away!

Alarm! ALARM!

ELECTRONIC ZAPPING

ALARM BLARING Hold the bridge, port side!

Evasive manoeuvres!

-Descending to 200 metres.

-We're under attack!

210!

-METALLIC CREAKING

-Bring her up, bring her up!

It's no good, sir!

METALLIC THRUMMING

Viva Las Vegas!

SHOUTING AND SCREAMING

Who the hell are you?

-Not Vegas then!

-No. No, this is much better!

A sinking submarine?

A sinking SOVIET submarine!

Break out side arms! Restrain them!

410. 420! Turbines still not responding!

They've got to!

Ah! Sideways momentum! You've still got sideways momentum!

-What?

-Your propellers work independently of the main turbines.

You can't stop her going down but you can manoeuvre the sub laterally!

Do it!

Get these people off the bridge now!

Just listen to him, for God's sake!

Geographical anomaly to starboard - probably an underwater ridge.

How do you know this?

Look, we have just a chance to stop the descent if we settle on it.

Do it...

600 metres, sir. 610...

..or this thing is going to implode!

-Lateral thrust to starboard - all propellers!

-Sir?

-Now!

-You're going to let this madman give the orders?

-Lateral thrust!

Aye, sir!

660...680...

CRASHING AND CLUNKING

Ah!

KLAXON BLARING

Descent arrested at...700 metres.

It seems we owe you our lives - whoever you are.

I'll hold you to that. Might come in handy!

Search them.

Yes, I know, it's a WOMAN. Now search them!

Eh? Ooh!

-Are we going to be OK?

-Oh, yes.

-Is that a lie?

-Possibly.

Very dangerous time, Clara.

East and West standing on the brink of nuclear oblivion.

-Lots of itchy fingers on the button.

-Isn't it always like that?

-Sort of.

But there are flash points and this is one - hair, shoulder pads, nukes.

It's the '80s. Everything's bigger!

I'd like a receipt, please.

What is this?

CREAKING

-Clara!

-Doctor!

-Clara!

-METALLIC THRUMMING

No, no, no, no!

No, not now!

Captain, we didn't know the type of your ship out here...

-Yeah, well, that's till the rescue ship comes.

-IF it comes!

Oh, the sinking is just a coincidence, is it? Who are you?

All right, Captain, all right.

You know what? Just this once, no dissembling, no psychic paper,

no pretending to be an Earth Ambassador.

Doctor - me and Clara, time travellers. Clara, you OK?

-Think so.

-Time travellers?

-We arrived here out of thin air! You saw it happen!

-I didn't.

-Your problem, mate, not mine!

-We were sinking...

-Yes.

-What happened?

-We sank.

-No, what happened to the TARDIS?

-Never mind that. Listen...

Captain, breath's precious down here. Let's not waste it, eh?

You're right, maybe I can save a little oxygen by having you both shot?

What does it matter how we arrived? The important thing is to get...

WATERY GROWLING

-..out.

-Exactly!

Number one priority, not suffocating!

Eh? Ah, oh, thank you! Finally, seeing sense!

-Now, what sort of state is the sub in?

-Doctor!

-What about the radio? Can we send a...

-DOCTOR!

-What?!

HISSING

What is that? Gas? COULD be gas!

WATERY GROWLING

Ah...

..it never rains but it pours.

We were drilling for oil in the ice. I thought I'd found a mammoth.

It's not a mammoth.

No.

What is it, then?

It's an Ice Warrior.

A native of the planet Mars.

And we go way back...

-..WAY back.

-A Martian? You can't be serious.

I'm always serious. With days off.

-Doctor!

-Just keeping it light, Clara, they're scared.

They're scared? I'M scared! GUN CLICKING

-No, no, no, no, no, no!

-ELECTRONIC WHINING

Please, please, Wait! Just...there's no need for this!

Just hear me out!

You're confused, disorientated - of course you are.

You've been lying dormant in the ice for, for how long?

How long, Professor?

By my reckoning, 5,000 years.

5,000 years? That's a hell of a nap.

Can't blame you if you've got out of the wrong side of bed.

Nobody here wants to hurt you.

Please, just, why don't you tell us your name?

What're you talking about? It has a name?

Of course it has a name - and a rank. This is a soldier.

And it deserves our respect.

This is madness. That is a monster!

Skaldak.

What did you say?

I am Grand Marshal Skaldak.

(Oh, no.)

WATERY GROWLING

You idiot!

You...idiot!

Grand Marshal Skaldak.

You...know him?

Sovereign of the Tharsisian caste, vanquisher of the Phobos Heresy.

The greatest hero the proud Martian race has ever produced.

So what do we do now?

Lock...him...up!

GROWLING

Is it true?

True?

I slept for 5,000 years?

Er, that's what the professor says.

5,000 years!

The Ice Warriors have a different creed, Clara. A different code.

By his own standards, Skaldak is a hero.

It was said his enemies honoured him so much

they'd carve his name into their own flesh before they died.

Oh, yeah, very nice. He sounds lovely.

-An Ice Warrior? Explain.

-There isn't time!

-Try me.

Martian reptile known as the Ice Warrior. When Mars turned cold,

they had to adapt. They're bio-mechanoid - cyborgs.

Built survival armour to exist in the freezing cold of their home world,

-but an increase in temperature and the armour goes haywire.

-Like with the cattle prod thing?

Bit of a design flaw, I always wondered why they never sorted it.

-You've got me telling you about them and I said there wasn't time!

-Is he that dangerous?

This one is.

WATERY GROWLING

Find me, my brothers. If you are still out there.

Find me.

BEEPING

Why are we listening to this nonsense, Captain?

-These people are clearly enemy agents.

-Eh?

Spies, Captain!

Pretty bad spies, mate. I don't even speak Russian!

What?

I don't...

Am I speaking Russian? How come I'm speaking Russian?

Now? We have to do this now?

-Are THEY speaking Russian?

-Seriously? Now?!

It's the TARDIS translation matrix.

In my opinion, Comrade Captain, this creature is a Western weapon.

-Are they?

-Yes! They're Russians!

-A weapon?

-Survival suit. What is the alternative?

The little green man from Mars?

Correction. It's a BIG green man from Mars.

I do not appreciate your levity, Professor.

Why does that not surprise me? Maybe they're telling the truth.

The truth?

Yes. A revolutionary concept, I know.

It's essential that we inform Moscow of what we have found!

The radio's out of action, in case you hadn't noticed, Stepashin.

They have our last position. They will find us.

-When they do...

-Yes?

Well, the Cold War won't stay cold for ever, Captain.

For God's sake, Stepashin, you're like a stuck record!

We have other priorities right now.

I want you back on repairs immediately,

we need to keep this ship alive. Dismissed.

Sir...?

Dismissed, Stepashin!

All we needed to do was let Skaldak go and he'd have forgotten us...

but you've attacked him. You declared war.

"Harm one of us and you harm us all."

-That's the ancient Martian code.

-BEEPING

You hear that? Skaldak's sent out a distress call.

He'll bring down the fires of hell just for laying a glove on him!

-Unless you talk to it?

-I'm the only one who can.

No. Out of the question. We're not losing you.

-I'll do it.

-What?

-You can talk to it through me.

Skaldak won't talk to you! You're an enemy soldier!

-How would he know that?

-A soldier knows another soldier.

He'll smell it on you! Smell it on you a mile off.

And he wouldn't smell it on you, Doctor?

Just let me in there before it's too late.

It can't be you or any of your men.

Well, it can't be you.

CLARA CLEARING HER THROAT

Well, there really is only one choice, isn't there?

I don't smell of anything...

-to my knowledge.

-You? No!

No! No way. You're not going in there alone, Clara.

Absolutely not! No, no.

Never!

With your permission?

Be my guest.

Ready, Clara?

-Yeah.

-'OK.'

Grand Marshal Skaldak.

The salute.

'Do the salute like I showed you.'

HISSING

-OK?

-Good.

Good.

Now, like we rehearsed.

"Sovereign of the Tharsisian caste..."

"Sovereign of the Tharsisian caste. By the moons, I honour thee."

'(Good.) It's OK, Clara. Go closer.'

Grand Marshal...I'm...

..we're sorry about this.

It's not what you deserve.

'It isn't what you deserve.'

Oh!

Oh, great.

Hey, it's OK, Clara. Keep going.

You're a long way from home.

5,000 years.

And 5,000 years adrift in time.

Please, let us help you. You're not our enemy.

And yet...I am in chains.

Doctor, what do I say?

Yes, Doctor.

What should she say?

I think he wants to speak to the organ-grinder, not to the monkey.

I heard that.

You're restrained until we can trust each other, Skaldak.

You would do the same in my position

and don't even think about using that sonic weapon.

'Not in the torpedo room.'

I was Fleet Commander of the Nix Tharsis.

My daughter stood by me...

..it was her first taste of action.

We sang the songs of the Old Times.

The Songs of the Red Snow.

5,000 years, now my daughter will be...dust!

Only dust.

'No, no, no, listen. Your people live on, Skaldak!'

Scattered all across the universe.

And Mars will rise again, I promise you. Just, let me help you.

I require no help.

'There will be no help!'

-Careful, Clara.

-'I'm OK.'

No listen, Clara, don't get too close.

I'm OK!

-Doctor, something's wrong.

-What?

Something's...

SHE GASPS

It's not there! It's gone!

Gone? Gone?

-Gone, what do you mean, gone?!

-It's got out!

It is time I learned the measure of my enemies.

'And what this vessel is capable of.'

No, no, no, Skaldak!

Harm one of us and you harm us all!

By the Moons, this I swear!

-HISSING

-Clara! Get out of there! GET OUT!

I've never seen one do this before!

Actually, I've never seen one out of its armour before.

Won't it be more vulnerable out of its shell?

No, it will be more dangerous.

HISSING AND GROWLING

Clara! Clara!

HISSING AND GROWLING

Come on!

SHE GRUNTS

Clara!

Clara! Clara!

Clara!

I'm OK.

Ha-ha, I'm OK, I'm OK!

Where did he go?

BEEPING

-How did I do? Was I OK?

-This wasn't a test, Clara.

-I know but...

-You were great. Yeah.

Really?

Really.

Doctor...the signal, it's stopped.

Skaldak got no answer from his Martian brothers.

Now he's given up hope.

-Hope of what?

-Being rescued.

He thinks he's been abandoned.

He's got nothing left to lose.

But what can he do stuck down here like the rest of us?

How bad can it be?

This sub's stuffed with nuclear missiles, Zhukov.

It's fat with them!

What do you think Skaldak's going to do when he finds that out?

"How BAD can it be? How bad can it be?"

It couldn't be any worse.

BANGING AND RUMBLING

OK...spoke too soon.

ALARM BEEPING

WATERY GROWLING

Hello? Who's there?

Who's there?

WATERY GROWLING

Who's there?!

METAL CLUNKING

GROWLING

-What do you want with me?

-Much.

Comrades, you know our situation...

..the reactor is drowned, we are totally reliant on battery power

and our air is running out.

Rescue is unlikely but we still have a mission to fulfil.

If the Doctor is right,

then we are all that stands between this creature

and the destruction of the world.

Control of one missile is all he needs.

We are expendable, comrades...

our world is not.

I know I can rely on every one of you to do his duty without fail.

That is all.

Listen to me...

..we both understand each other...

This...

this mewling time of peace, it doesn't suit us.

We are both warriors...

..and...together...we can form an alliance.

An alliance?

Yes...

..to win the Cold War!

Cold War?

Both sides are capable of completely obliterating the other.

It's a state we call mutually assured destruction.

Mutually assured destruction?

But this has not occurred?

-No.

-Not yet.

Even if a missile did get launched, that wouldn't be...it, would it?

"It"?

End of the world. Game over.

I mean, what if they fired one by accident, what would happen then?

I told you, Clara. Earth is like a storm waiting to break, right now.

Both sides baring their teeth, talking up war.

It would only take one tiny spark.

But the world didn't end in 1983, did it? Or I wouldn't be here.

New. History's in flux. It can be changed.

Re-written.

How many of us are left?

12 - and we can't find Stepashin.

We split up and comb the sub.

One team stays here to guard the bridge.

That's it? That's the plan?

Well, it's either that or we stay here and wait for him to kill us.

OK.

Is it true you've never seen one outside of its shell suit?

"Shell suit"?

(Clara!)

For an Ice Warrior to leave its armour is the gravest dishonour.

Skaldak is desperate, he is deadly and we have got to find him.

Will this help?

Ah! You saved it!

-No, no, it was on the floor with this.

-Ah!

Ah, Professor, I could kiss you!

If you insist.

Later.

CREAKING

Do you think it's true, sir?

A Martian?!

I don't know what to think.

So, why have you got a cattle prod on a submarine?

-Polar bears.

-Ah, right.

We run across them when we're drilling.

Can be quite nasty, you know?

I'd swap one for an Ice Warrior any day. Cuddlier!

Courage, my dear.

ALARM BEEPING

I always sing a song.

What?

To keep my spirits up.

Yes, that would work...

if this was Pinocchio.

KLAXON BLARING

D'you know Hungry Like The Wolf?

-What?

-Duran Duran - one of my favourites.

Come on!

I'm not singing a song!

AIR RUSHING

EERIE GROANING

What was that?

Pressure. Just pressure.

We're 700 metres down, remember?

Don't worry about it. Think of something else.

# Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da

# I am hungry like the wolf. #

-I'm not singing!

-Don't you know it?

Course I know it. We do it at karaoke.

The odd hen night.

"Karaoke"? "Hen night"?

You speak excellent Russian, my dear,

but sometimes I don't understand a word you're talking about.

If we get out of here, we'll be bloody heroes!

If we get out of here.

The first people in the world to discover a genuine, living...

Alien?

I don't know. You hear stories, don't you?

Stories about the things the Kremlin don't want us to...

Onegin? ONEGIN?

WATERY GROWLING AND SCREAMING

Good God!

Torn apart.

It's a monster. A savage!

No, Professor. Not savage, forensic. Well, he's...dismantled them.

Skaldak's learning. Learning all about you.

Your strengths...

your weaknesses...

Come on!

-Stay here.

-OK.

-Stay here! Don't argue.

-I'm not!

Right. Good!

It's a young man's game, all this dashing about!

Clara...what is it?

I was doing OK.

I mean, I went in there and did the scary stuff, didn't I?

I went in there with the Ice Warrior and it went OK.

-Actually, it went just about as badly as it could have done but that wasn't my fault.

-Not at all.

-So, I'm happy about that.

-Yes!

Chuffed.

And so you should be.

So what's the matter?

Seeing those bodies back there...

..it's all got very...real.

Are we going to make it?

Yes, of course.

METAL CREAKING

WATERY GROWLING

It's in the walls!

(Oh, Stepashin.)

METAL RATTLING AND FOOTSTEPS

Oh...oh...oh!

Fast. He's fast...

WATERY GROWLING

EERIE GROANING

What was that?

The Doctor told you, it's just the boat settling.

Tell me about yourself.

What do you like doing?

Clara?

METALLIC RATTLING

-Clara?

-Stuff. You know, stuff.

"Stuff"? Very enlightening.

And the Doctor, what he said, is it true?

You're...from another time...

..from our future?

Clara?

-Yes.

-Tell me what happens.

-I can't.

-Well, I need to know.

-I'm not allowed.

-No, please.

-I can't!

-Ultravox, do they split up?

SHE LAUGHS

Funny. You're funny!

SHE GASPS

Let her go!

See...

I don't just like Western music!

No, please, don't hurt him. Please!

You attacked me!

Martian Law decrees that the people of this planet are forfeit.

I now have all the information I require.

It will take only one missile to begin the process.

To end this...Cold War.

Grand Marshal, there is no need for this. Listen to me...

My distress call has not been answered. It will never be answered.

My people are dead. They are dust.

There is nothing left for me except my revenge.

HE ROARS

BEEPING

There is something left for you, Skaldak. Mercy.

-Mercy?

-You must wear that armour for a reason, my friend.

-Let's see, shall we?

-No, Captain, wait!

I will do whatever it takes to defend my world, Doctor.

Yes, great, fine, good, but we're getting somewhere here.

We're negotiating, "jaw-jaw not war-war".

-Churchill?

-Churchill.

Very well, we'll negotiate but from a position of strength.

Excellent tactical thinking, my congratulations, Captain.

Thank you.

Unfortunately, your position is not, perhaps,

as strong as you might hope.

What do you mean?

He summoned the armour.

-How did it do that?

-Sonic tech, Clara.

The song of the Ice Warrior!

My world is dead but now there will be a second red planet!

Red with the blood of humanity!

Skaldak! Wait!

KLAXON BLARING

No! Skaldak! Wait! Wait! Wait!

He's arming the warheads!

Where is the honour in condemning billions of innocents to death?

5,000 years ago Mars was the centre of a vast empire.

The jewel of this solar system.

The people of Earth had only just begun to leave their caves.

Five thousand years isn't such a long time,

they're still just frightened children. Still primitive.

Who are you to judge them?

I am Skaldak! This planet is forfeit under Martian Law.

Then teach them! Teach them, Grand Marshal!

Show them another way!

Show them there is honour in mercy.

Is this how you want history to remember you?

Grand Marshal Skaldak - Destroyer of Earth?

Because that's what you'll be if you send those missiles.

Not a soldier...a murderer.

Five billion lives extinguished. No chance for goodbyes.

A world snuffed out like a candle flame!

All right, all right, Skaldak,

you leave me no choice. I'm a Time Lord, Skaldak.

I know a bit about sonic technology myself.

A threat? YOU threaten me, Doctor?

No. No, not you...

all of us.

I will blow this sub up

before you can even reach that button, Grand Marshal.

Blow us all to oblivion.

You would sacrifice yourself?

In a heartbeat.

Mutually assured destruction!

Look into my eye, Skaldak.

Look in to my eyes and tell me you're capable of doing this.

Huh?

Can you do that?

DARE you do that?

Look into my eyes, Skaldak, come on! Face-to-face.

Well, Doctor...

..which of us shall blink first?

Why did you hesitate? Back there, in the dark.

You were going to kill this man, remember?

I begged you not to and you listened.

Why show compassion then, Skaldak, and not now?

The Doctor's right...billions will die...

..mothers, sons, fathers...daughters.

Remember that last battle, Skaldak?

Your daughter...

you sang the songs...

Of the Red Snows.

CRASHING

What's happening?!

ELECTRONIC WHINING

RUMBLING

My people live, they have come for me!

CREAKING

We're rising.

We're rising!

600 metres...

..550...

ELECTRONIC WHIRRING

We're surfaced, your people have saved us.

Saved me, not you.

Just go, Skaldak, please.

Please...go in peace.

ALARM BEEPING We did it! We did it!

No. No, no, no, no, no! It's still armed.

A single pulse from that ship...

I'll destroy us if I have to.

I will destroy us if I have to.

Show mercy, Skaldak.

(Come on, show mercy.)

# Da-da-da-dah

# I'm lost and I'm found and I'm hungry like the wolf. #

Now we're safe.

Ha-ha!

Ahem.

Saved the world then?

Yeah.

That's what we do.

Yeah.

METAL CLUNKING

MAN WHISTLES

WHIRRING

The TARDIS! Where's the TARDIS? You never explained.

-Oh, well, don't worry about that.

-Stop saying that! Where is it?

Yeah, well, I wasn't to know, was I?

Know what?

I've been tinkering...breaking her in.

-I'm allowed.

-What did you do?

(I reset the HADS!)

-Huh?

-I reset (the HADS!) The Hostile Action Displacement System!

If the TARDIS comes under attack, gunfire, time-winds, the...sea,

it...relocates.

Oh, Doctor.

Haven't used it in donkey's years.

Seemed like a good idea at the time.

-Well, never mind, it's bound to turn up somewhere!

-BUZZING

Oh! Ha, see, right on cue! Brilliant!

Brilliant!

The TARDIS is at the Pole!

Not far then.

The South Pole.

Ah.

Could we have a lift?

THEY LAUGH

"Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

I am talking to the spirit that inhabits this house.

Spooky.

You didn't come here for the ghost, did you?

Clara, where is she?

(Do you feel like you are being watched?)

-(Are you coming?

-Where?

-To find the ghost?)

Doctor!

The Caliburn Ghast, the Maiden in the Dark, the Witch of the Well.

(She's coming.)

I think she's here.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd