Pass Notes Doctors

KNOCK ON DOOR

Hello?

You going to open up or what?

Multi-room Wireless Streaming System?

-Sorry, I wasn't expect...

-I can always go away again.

-No, no, absolutely. Come in.

-Triffo!

Where do you want your sound bridge and controller?

Right in there, please.

Any chance of a cup of tea?

The quicker the tea, the quicker I'll be!

Milk, two sugars.

Right.

Morning, beautiful.

Wait till you mark this.

It's really good.

SHE SPLUTTERS

Whisky?!

I've been up all night doing that.

I think it's a high 2:1 or a first, even.

Rach?

I think I'm going to be sick.

Sick? Why?

-Nerves.

-Nerves?

Mmm, good, brilliant. Can you get him dressed, please?

-Dressed? He wears romper suits.

-Not for going out!

He's going out?

You want Aliona to take him out, don't you?

-Can't she decide? Dress him appropriately?

-OK, so I don't have a say at all anymore, is that it?

-What? No.

-I am his mother after all.

No-one's saying you're not. Aliona?

Ready for the world of work?

I have to go.

When I pick you up and take you for lunch it can be a date.

-It's a date.

-OK.

-See you.

-Bye.

Give him here, Aliona.

I'm going to get him dressed.

Come on, come on.

Well, you were quick.

Even without the tea.

It smelt of aftershave.

Earl grey.

-Classical?

-Mozart.

-You go to work like that?

-Indeed.

Where's?

I'm a doctor. I'm a GP.

MUSIC PLAYING I could do better myself.

I mean, you'd want to take that back.

MUSIC INCREASING IN VOLUME I mean, it doesn't even look like...

And with that that, all life's irritations are excised.

Barry, would you mind moving the cone so I could park?

No can do. That space is for Miss Parsons.

Well, she's not here, is she?

-Coming and going. You can park down the road.

-CAR HORN BEEPING

Move that cone, would you?

Reserved for the Practice Manager

As the only member of staff with a small child, I should have priority.

-Point taken...

-Thanks.

..if said child is in the vehicle.

Is said child in the vehicle?

Joe. His name is Joe.

Is he in the car?

HE TUTS

Children are a blessing, not an excuse.

Who the HELL do you think you are?

Acting Assistant Head of Security.

Heston, would you tell this buffoon to move the cone?

The exercise'll do you good. Lovely to have you back, by the way.

Julia, I'll move this cone for you!

HESTON HUMMING Someone's happy.

I have music in my life.

The installation's complete?

Mozart filling every room!

Sound bridge controller? Wireless streaming?

Kevin, I'm loathe to call you a genius

in the same breath as someone who actually was

but - for you for choosing it, Terry the fitter for fitting it

and the insurance company for paying for it - I could kiss you all.

Right, and you're fine with the tablet? If you need any help...

There comes a point in every man's life

when he must face the 21st century alone.

Now, if you'll get off the computer.

Sure, I'll just log out.

Thank you.

(Right!)

Won't log in?

-I'll make myself available.

-Sorry?

-To re-cone as required.

Oh, no, it'll be fine, I'm sure.

No way, jackals around a water buffalo - this space.

Any means necessary.

-So, what's going on in the world of Julia?

-Well, I'm busy, you know.

You thrive on it!

-Keeps you young!

-Thank you.

But, erm...

..all work and no play?

Well, I do I have my moments, Barry.

Me too.

How about we combine?

-Sorry?

-Moments?

Make 'em magic.

Dinner some time?

Ah, thank you, Barry, but no.

In fact, I'm really not up for going out to dinner with anybody right now.

No, it won't accept my password. May I speak to the supervisor?

Jumped-up little cretin!

-Fawning over Julia! I would like to...

-Please be quiet.

My desktop PC has crashed, I'm waiting to talk to someone.

"Desktop PC?"

-Who are you and what have you done with Heston?

-Very funny.

What's that?

My new baby, a tablet PC.

Your new baby? What about my new baby?

Yes, hello?

Aliona, hi.

It's hardly educational, is it?

They're never too young for education.

It's vital.

Every little thing you say is being stored up for him to use later.

No ducks!

-Dr Carmichael, are you ready to see patients?

-Absolutely.

Miss Hanlon is on her way to lectures.

Come on through.

You might want to look in on Heston.

Technology meltdown!

Hello.

So, why isn't it working now?

Hang on, I've got another call.

-Mrs Tembe, I'm on a very important call...

-Someone need some help?

Stop crowing and sort out my PC.

Yeah, go on.

Infernal junk mail.

You should use your filters.

-How do you delete it?

-Dr... Oh!

I am SO sorry!

-I will pay for it to be fixed.

-It might just need a new screen.

Give it to me.

Mature student?

In a way. Just got my PhD, lecturing.

Oh, so when you said you were on your way to a lecture...

I'll be the one giving it.

Well, you're not pregnant.

I must have been so worried that I did the test wrong.

It's just when I felt so sick...

Rachel, I have to ask, unprotected sex the risk of STIs,

are you in a relationship?

Yes.

With someone I work with.

Nonetheless, I think we should get you checked out anyway

because if you feel sick, we need to find out why.

Nerves, maybe. It's my first one.

Your first lecture?

I've done tutorials and seminars.

-I mark essays!

-Your first time in front of a crowd?

The academic staff'll all be there

and if it goes well it could mean a full-time job.

They're like gold dust.

So, no pressure!

I'm sorry.

It's obviously very emotional for you.

It's a very big day but keep calm and you'll get through it, OK?

Oh, and you might want...

You might want to take some of these.

-Peppermints?

-(Yeah.)

Good luck

Look, Aliona, you may have been right about the ducks

but I think we can go one better.

Ooh, let me give you a hand.

-Whoopsie.

-Ta.

So?

Er, stationery.

Campus's stuff came here and vice versa.

No, did he fess up?

Not exactly, no.

Did he have an explanation?

He's an arsonist. What explanation can there be?

Well, let me see. Maybe he is innocent.

-But we saw the article.

-No, we saw the article accusing him,

-we didn't see the article exonerating him.

-Julia!

It's all right, I never should have let you talk me into it

-in the first place.

-What did he say?

He said...

You know, it doesn't really matter what he said

because...he's moving away.

Since when?

-He hadn't mentioned that, had he?

-No.

Well, he should have done and there's you blaming yourself.

All you did was check up on him.

Oh, well, maybe it wasn't meant to be.

What with him moving away.

Maybe Karen's right.

-I mean, you'll know when you meet the right one.

-Oh, no, no, no.

No, I shouldn't have bothered at all.

You know, I mean, who do I think I'm kidding, Elaine?

Getting swept off my feet?

No.

No more dates. Not again.

Shall I get another bottle?

No, let me. It's only fair.

-Only fair?

-Well, if I'm going to get a full-time job!

You think you will?

Why not? I was unbelievable.

-Brilliant!

-You were.

-You really were. And talking of brilliance...

-Sorry?

My essay, have you had a chance to read it?

I had a look at the doctors.

So? What did you think?

Well...

Not a first?

A high 2:1?

-Look, the thing is...

-Not a 2:1?!

-What are you saying? I'm no good?

-No, but the essay...

-The essay's no good?

-It's one essay.

You gave James a first.

-Because he deserved it.

-Not because he's next in line?

-Please, sweetheart, stop.

-Maybe that's what we should do.

-Stop.

-No! Please, don't.

Look, maybe I can have another look.

Calm down.

Here...have a drink.

Erm, There really should be one queue,

not a queue for each cashpoint.

I WAS here first.

-Not here.

-Why not?

-Because someone might see!

Do you care?

No.

Someone from work?

-Who are you?

-My doctor.

You need to ask yourself some serious questions.

-Come on, Daniel.

-Hm?

Are you going to let her talk to you like that?

What am I supposed to do?

Go away!

Hallelujah(!)

So much for our date.

I didn't know there'd be a patient there!

And, anyway, I can't relax!

Come here.

Everything's going to be fine.

Ah, Zara, you're back!

-Hey, how's Joe?

-Oh, hang on!

ALL: Ahhh!

He just gets better and better-looking, doesn't he?

Yeah, course he does, he's his father's son!

Oh, look at that, he's got your ego!

THEY LAUGH

Ah, you know, that would be a lovely screensaver for your computer.

Yeah.

But, no, I don't want any distractions. I'm here to work.

So, when's my next patient?

Well, I thought you'd like to spend this afternoon just doing paperwork.

-You know, ease in gently?

-I see.

-Daniel, could you help me to the car with those boxes, please?

-Be delighted to.

Is he enjoying it?

Meerkats?!

What about lions? Tigers?

Erm, excuse me, you're welcome to join the queue, but behind me.

Oi! Oi, stop that!

Do you see what she's doing?

Fine, take it all!

KNOCK ON DOOR

-She's taken him to the safari park.

-The safari park?

-Why, what's wrong with that?

-Nothing, sounds great.

-Disease? Is that what you're thinking?

-No.

-What if he gets malaria?

-In Letherbridge?!

-Or bitten by a spider.

-Zara, don't.

Aliona, is everything all right? Why's he crying?

The phone woke him up?

Well, now that I've got you on the line,

let's go through all the animals you've seen today...

Aliona, I'm really sorry, I have to call you back. Bye.

Dr Carmichael...!

They just barged in. I told them.

Who the hell are you to tell Rachel to break up with me?

-She didn't say that!

-She didn't have to.

Well, clearly, something's going wrong somewhere.

So leave me. You obviously think more of your career.

I don't! I came this morning cos I thought I was pregnant!

-What?

-And when I wasn't...

I'd give it all up tomorrow just to have your baby!

Erm...

Do you want me to...?

No. Rachel, would you like to come through?

Do you want to come and take a seat?

You're on the verge of something really great here.

Why would you throw it all away?

Because I'm in love with him.

And you think he's worth it?

He's gorgeous.

But so are you.

And successful on the verge of getting your dream job.

I don't think I can live without him.

Without him or without the drink?

Can't have one without the other.

You can't have either and your career.

-Am I an alcoholic?

-I don't know. Are you?

OK.

So, Monday? How many drinks did you have?

Monday was the party for my doctorate.

OK.

So, how many?

I'm not sure, four or five?

Then more afterwards at Phil's.

How many more?

Five or six.

Doubles?

Yes.

Tuesday?

Tuesday, I was out with Phil.

Tuesday...evening?

Lunchtime.

Then evening.

Do you ever have a drink in the morning?

No.

Phil does, sometimes.

So, how many drinks altogether on Tuesday, all day?

I can't remember.

Roughly.

I lost count.

After how many drinks?

OK.

When was the last day you didn't have a drink?

-I can't remember.

-Think carefully.

Er...

Wednesday before last.

Good. So, what were you doing then?

I was away on a conference.

-And you didn't have a drink?

-No. I had to give a talk.

You didn't drink?

-No.

-Despite being nervous?

No.

And yet this morning when you came in...

Whisky.

On your own?

With Phil.

But when you weren't with Phil you didn't have a drink.

You think I should leave him?

I think...you need to ask yourself what he wants from you

other than someone to get drunk with.

And give him good grades?

68998/6E.

Yeah. Right, I'm in the process of replacing new for old

and one of the new items that I've bought, an electronic tablet, is broken.

Someone flung open a door and it slipped from my hand.

Now, I just wanted to check that it is also covered.

Thank you.

Oh, it will be? Yeah...

What? No. No, no?

No, no, no, that can't be right.

No.

No, no, no... NO! Please, n...

CAR ALARM

No... NO!

Easy does it, lads.

What the hell are you doing?

I put it there because Julia had left.

So, what are you going to do now?

-What?

-She's back.

-Well, I'll have to move it.

-Not with a clamp on it.

-So, take it off.

-Are you going to or shall I?

-You'll have to move me first.

Don't tempt me!

-And them.

-Listen to me...

-Guys, what's going on?

-He's CLAMPED me!

Any means necessary.

How's she going to get her space now?

-He does have a point.

-So, take it off.

-Now!

-Would you like me to have the clamp removed, Julia?

-Yes, I would, thank you.

-Well, since you ask so nicely.

Things were getting ugly. Lucky for him you turned up when you did.

-Why, what would you have done?

-When emotional restraint is lacking, there's always the physical!

All part of the security business.

Very brave in front of your henchmen!

Heston, what exactly is going on here?

I'll tell you what's going on.

The alarm on my house has not been serviced for 12 months,

so, despite the insurance company religiously taking the premium,

I'm not covered!

All the electrical gadgets I bought they won't pay for.

THAT is what's going on! Now, on top of that...

-It'll all be in the policy document.

-What?!

The stipulation to service the alarm.

All part of the security business.

As far as taking the clamp off, guys, it'll cost you £80.

-Come here you little oik!

-Heston! No, no! No, no.

Please, please, just go inside. Just go inside, please.

I am so sorry, Barry, he's been under a lot of pressure.

I appreciate your loyalty, Julia, it's a trait that I admire

but, to avoid embarrassment, there's nothing you can do or say to stop me putting in a written complaint.

Oh, right.

Oh, dear, that is a shame, isn't it?

Erm...

Barry, I was wondering if your offer was still open.

Whether... Not now, obviously, sometime in the future,

when I'm not so busy and there's...

Well, I just thought maybe you can...

WE could go out and have a coffee or something.

That's tremendous!

A real breakthrough!

Looks, personality, spatial awareness -

you've got so much going for you.

Everyone feels unattractive sometimes.

You think you're not worth going out with, but you are.

I'm just glad it was me who made you see it.

I don't know what to say.

Don't say anything...

save it for our date.

Just a quiet word in Heston's ear.

Yes, of course.

I'll get that off for you now. No charge.

Thank you.

Rach.

Be strong.

-There's something I have to say...

-Me too.

-I...

If you had've been pregnant, I'd have jacked in uni and got a job.

What?

Rachel?

We CAN be together.

You can take the job, it'll be our secret.

I love you, Rach.

I love you, too.

And look on the bright side,

if you're not pregnant we can have a drink!

And about my essay, maybe I can make a few changes

before you submit the mark.

Rach?

Can I have that list?

What's this?

A list of reasons I don't think we should be together.

You're blaming me for your drink problem?

I just think it would better...

Fine.

Maybe I'll call the Dean.

And tell him what?

That you've been trying to sleep your way to a good grade?

-That SHE'S been abusing her position.

-And what is it that you've been doing?

-Using what I've got.

-Not brains, evidently.

If you mark me down because of this...

I won't.

Don't worry, I think you'll get PRECISELY what you deserve.

Come on, mate.

Are you OK?

-I think I'm going to be sick.

-You can come and see me if you...

Everything all right?

Yeah, everything's fine.

Well, he's gone.

Welcome back to the world of work.

-You know, I haven't given him a single thought.

-What?

Joe. For the last 15 minutes I haven't thought about him once.

Good. And?

And...I'm not worried.

You're right. Aliona is great.

And children are a blessing.

Oh, no, no, no! That two-bit traffic warden

is going to rue the day he spoke like that to me.

-Er, Mr Darnborough?

-Hi.

Thanks, lads.

-Let me take those for you, Julia.

-Oh, thank you very much, Barry.

How sweet(!)

Hey!

Have you got any idea what I've just had to do to get you off the hook?

Oh, I think you'll make a lovely couple(!)

You know what, Heston, I've had just about enough of this.

Now, you go home and have the day off tomorrow

and do not come back until you are in a better mood.

Fine! I will.

We need to talk

Not now, I'll give you a call at lunchtime.

I'm handing in my notice.

He knew my name, he's going to report me!

-If you knew about the treatment...

-I'm not scared of the cure...

I just don't want it.

Give us your wallet.

And what if I say no?

How can I be a lesbian after all this time?

I mean, it doesn't make any sense.

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