Friend and Neighbour Doctors

Frank?

Frank?!

Frank!

Frank! Are you all right, lad?

Oh, heck.

Oh, flippin' heck!

Daniel, can you get down here, please?

Daniel?

Daniel!

Daniel!

Yes, he is a naughty Daddy, a very naughty Daddy.

Oh, no, darling, don't do that!

-There you go.

-Morning.

About time!

-When did you finish feeding him?

-That was two feeds ago.

Huh?

Hey, how's my little lad, then?

Are you going to spend the day with Daddy?

OK, his next feed is in about two hours' time and not before. There's plenty in the fridge.

-Yes, he is!

-New bibs are upstairs, nappies are in the bathroom.

Are you even listening to me?

-Nappies in the bathroom.

-OK, and use the cream because he's a little bit chapped.

Have I got a chapped little chappie here?

Please, please try not to do that!

I brought some books down, so don't forget about those. He likes the one about the otter.

Whatever you do, don't let him sleep before midday,

-because then the whole routine really will go to pot.

-Uh-huh.

Daniel...

Your boys are going to be fine. Aren't we, mate? Yes, we are.

OK. Well, a trip to the park would be nice,

but I'd try to avoid lunchtime. It's overrun with schoolchildren.

And don't forget his blanket. It's all written down.

Will you just go?

You will call me if there's any problem, won't you?

Bye-bye, Mummy.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye, baby.

Bye-bye. Bye!

(MOUTH FULL) Look what we've got for you! Mmm.

DOOR CRASHES

Is he dead, Sergeant?

Yeah.

7244 to control.

RESPONSE FROM RADIO

Yeah, we're going to need an undertaker. 54 Elmswood Road.

Oh, poor Frank!

There we go.

Sweet dreams.

Ah-h!

Oh, that's very kind, thank you.

I only just got back last night from Blackpool.

-Oh, yeah?

-Yeah, been to my sister's. I've been there all week.

Look, I've...

I even brought him some fudge!

So, were you a friend of Mr Redmond?

I used to pop in and see him most mornings, just to see how he was.

See if he needed anything from the shop or whatever.

Cos he never liked to ask.

But he couldn't get about much at the end, poor old lad,

-what with his arthritis.

-Yeah.

Do you know if he had any relatives at all?

Erm, I'm just trying to think.

I mean, would you recognise any of these names?

Er...

Arthur and Edith?

Hmm? Oh, sorry.

Arthur and Edith?

No, I don't know. No, no.

"Your fully integrated Intruder Tech system comprises up to eight

"active infrared PIRs, a stand-alone endstation

"with onboard backlit keypad and a tamper-proof external sounder."

DRILL BLASTS

"Each zone is fully programmable to protect against intrusion, fire and personal attack.

"Simply select from the menu and enter your personal four-digit code."

DRILLING CONTINUES Right.

DEVICE BEEPS Hmm.

I understand you know a Mr Frank Redmond?

Er, yes, he's my uncle.

I have some bad news, I'm afraid.

He was found dead this morning in his house.

-Oh, no!

-Oh, that's terrible!

Yeah, I'm sorry.

-Well, how did it happen?

-We don't know exactly until the postmortem,

but it looks like he collapsed while trying to make his tea.

Apparently, he had arthritis in his legs? Probably couldn't get to the phone.

Oh, that's just dreadful!

The poor thing! And who found him?

His neighbour, Len Collinson.

So how long had he been there?

A few days, I'm afraid. Sorry.

Dear, oh, dear!

Would you say that you're his nearest relatives?

Well, in a sense, but...

we lost touch, oh, how long ago, Geoff?

A shame, really, but you know how it is these days.

I mean, such busy lives!

And he was a very private person.

Wasn't he, darling?

-If we'd have known he was unwell...

-Well, he was bound to be, wasn't he?

-Not necessarily!

-He was 80 if he was a day!

-He's upset.

-Yeah, of course.

My condolences.

Thank you.

Will you be able to contact the rest of the family?

We'll make all the arrangements.

Yes?

Come on, Joe.

JOE GURGLES

All right, one more time, come on. Come on, let's go and have a sleep.

Come on.

Here, here, here.

Oh!

It's awful. It's just...awful.

I know.

To think of him dying alone like that, and us just round the corner.

We should've done more to help him, you know. Over the years.

These things happen all the time.

I can't even remember how we fell out now.

Now, love, don't start blaming yourself.

Well, people will, though, won't they? Say we neglected him.

And they'd be right.

Ah, here we are.

Might even get in the papers. Imagine!

54 Elmswood Road.

Is that it?

Sorry?

His house.

Cindy, I really don't think this is the moment...

We are going to have to organise all this, unfortunately. There is nobody else.

He's barely cold! Or he would be if we hadn't left him there a week!

Geoff, please!

Hmm.

That's about right.

Can I get you a cup of tea or anything?

Well, you might as well tell me what it is now.

Oh, er...

200,000.

Sh-h. OK, OK, all right, all right.

-All right, let's try a song.

-BABY GARGLES

# Rock-a-bye baby on the tree top

# When the wind blows the cradle will rock... #

-BABY CRIES

-Sh-h.

# When the bough breaks the cradle will fall. #

This is dreadful!

Let's try another one.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall...

-CRYING CONTINUES

-Are you going to sleep?

You see! It's actually rather a nice street.

Once you get past the council houses.

Oh, hello.

Afternoon.

Are you Mr Collinson?

Yes.

Let's have a look and see what's in the box of treasure.

Yes? OK.

There we go.

Oh, that is a giraffe!

TOY RATTLES

Would you like to come in and maybe take a seat?

We're very grateful.

Yeah, it must've been a bit of a shock to you both.

-Oh, absolutely! Terrible.

-You too, I imagine.

Yes, it was.

So Frank mentioned us then? As family?

Yes, he did.

Once.

We did come and see him a few times, didn't we, love? After his wife died.

Maggie.

And to be fair, he did seem to prefer his own company after that.

He was always quiet.

And if I may say, rather blunt.

Have you lived here long?

20 years or so.

Was Frank here then?

I used to see him down the pub there.

That's before his legs got too bad, of course.

You see, the thing is, we were just wondering,

as you were such good friends,

that maybe, perhaps, you had a key at all, to the house?

We just thought we'd start clearing the place up a bit.

You know, organise his affairs.

Right...

Oh, and I was just wondering whether or not you happened to know if he'd made a will at all?

-No, I don't.

-But you do have a key?

As it happens, no.

Really?

Well, thanks anyway.

Can I just ask you, what were you just doing there?

-Sorry?

-If you couldn't get in?

I don't think that's any of your business.

No, but I think you'll find that it is, as Frank's closest relatives.

-HE LAUGHS MOCKINGLY

-Weren't you just(!)

I beg your pardon?

What is it, half a mile?

-I think we should go, love.

-No, Geoff, that house is ours.

Do you know, I'm surprised you knew where it was!

And I'd like you to stay away from it, please, from now on.

-You what?!

-If you don't mind.

-You cheeky mare!

-Now, that's quite enough.

-Come on, now, out. Go on, out!

-Don't you talk to me like that!

-Now, now, put that down!

-Out, go on!

-Oh! Don't you talk to me like that!

-Ruddy vultures!

-Do you mind?! Get off!

Pair of parasites, that's what you are. Get out!

OK, so which is these cups is the ring underneath?

We got yellow, we got orange and we got green.

It's very exciting, isn't it? Yellow, orange, green. Which one?

Which one do you say?

You say orange?

-HE GASPS

-You are very clever!

You are very clever, like your father. There we go!

BABY GURGLES

Black and blue by the end of it. It's his own fault.

I'd like to report an assault!

It's OK, I'll deal with this. Do you want to go through?

It was terrible! Today of all days.

I'm sorry to hear that.

I mean, we were polite, of course.

And it was a perfectly reasonable request.

-But then he completely lost his temper.

-He certainly did.

He started raving like a madman. Manhandling us and insulting us.

-Swinging that stick about.

-Yes, like an absolute maniac.

The minute we mentioned that key.

Wouldn't have thought he had it in him, really.

Well, you can see, can't you?

Hit a nerve there, no doubt!

In what way?

It's obvious! He was going to go in there and clear the place out.

Leave us with nothing.

Frank's only flesh and blood.

What makes you say he was going to do that?

It was written all over his face.

Could see it when he was creeping round the garden.

He did seem a bit shifty.

Maybe thinks he's entitled to go in there and help himself, but he can't, can he?

I mean, the property's ours now and he can jolly well lump it!

Would you say that he injured you in any way at all?

Well...no, but...

-Do you think he intended to?

-That's not the point!

He assaulted us and I want something done about it, now!

ALARM SYSTEM BEEPS

OK.

BEEPING CONTINUES Three, four, seven, five.

(Three, four...)

Three, four, eight, nine.

BEEPING STOPS Right.

So are you admitting to the assault?

What?

They accuse you of attacking them with a walking stick.

Yeah, well, they deserved it.

Coming in here, all high and mighty!

-For two ruddy pins, I'd have knocked their blocks off!

-So you did, then?

Well, OK, I lashed out a bit, but who wouldn't, eh?

That is common assault.

But on this occasion I'm going to let you off with a caution.

And you're lucky that I don't have to take matters further.

Yeah, well, that's fair enough.

So, can you get in? The house?

I'd have gone in there this morning, wouldn't I, to try and help Frank.

Oh, I don't know.

The thought of him lying there.

Oh, I wish I hadn't gone away.

You weren't to know.

Well, I knew he hadn't been very good, but...

neither had my sister. Bronchitis, she's got.

Do you know, it's terrible, son...

..growing old on your own.

Hello!

-Daniel!

-Sh-h!

-What on earth do you think you've been doing?

-Sh-h-h!

(I've just got him off to sleep again.

(Take him upstairs.)

OK, back on schedule, and piece of cake.

Actually, that's not true.

It was pretty tough going at times.

You've got take your hat off to the people that do it full-time.

Where they get their patience, I've no idea!

I'm sorry, Daniel, but have you seen the state of this place?

-Hmm?

-It's a nightmare. A total and utter nightmare!

It's not that bad.

How would you like to come home to it after a 12-hour day?

Just needs a little bit of tidying, that's all.

Did you even read any of these?

-Some of those nursery rhymes should be banned.

-What about the otter?

And the park?

Um, the weather looked a bit iffy.

-There's a rain cover.

-Yeah, but it's really hard to get on, isn't it?

Are you telling me he hasn't been outside today?

-We sat by the window for a little while.

-What have you done all day?!

-It's called father-and-son bonding.

-Unbelievable!

I have been working here, too!

If you want a job doing, Zara, you have to do it yourself!

HE HUMS ALONG TO OPERA MUSIC

MUSIC CONTINUES

# La-la-la-la-la. #

Ah-h!

# La-la-la-la-la-lee! #

TOOL BAG CLUNKS

# La-la-la-la-lee

# Ah-ba-da-dee-dee-dee

ALARM SYSTEM BEEPS # Ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-noo

# Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo

# Ne-ne-ne-ne-ne

# La-la-la-la-la. #

OK, hand it over!

-Get out of it!

-What's in that bag?

-Let go!

-If you don't mind!

-Hey, I'm... I'm warning you!

-Oh, stop that!

-Right, this is a citizen's arrest!

-I've got him.

-Get off!

-No, get the bag!

-HELP!

-HELP!

-Now, you hold still!

-I want this man arrested!

-Just hang on, everybody.

-Get this woman off me.

-Right, this is stolen property!

-I think you'd better come with me.

-It's about time. That man's a menace!

Can't you shut her up? You nosy cow!

You...graverobber!

You what?!

Just get in the car.

Told you this man was a thief, didn't I? Didn't I?!

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

ALARM SYSTEM BEEPS

Oh!

BEEPING CONTINUES Oh, for pity's sake!

Er, menu.

Select.

Seven, eight, three, five, nine...

Seven, eight...

I am putting in the code, you moron!

SIREN BLARES

Piece of junk!

SIREN STOPS

SIREN STARTS AGAIN

SIREN STOPS ABRUPTLY

I put a new one of those on.

Mm.

So, what's in here, then?

Well, I have to say...

it's not what I expected.

What did you expect?

Not a cannabis factory, that's for sure.

What is it, a keepsake? Or is it yours, really?

I have to hand it to you.

I didn't have had you two down as the French Connection.

Go on, then, talk to me. It's been a long day for both of us.

Frank was taking it for his arthritis.

He was getting it from the kids down the pub,

but they kept messing him about and putting the price up.

Taking advantage of him, really.

Funny, that.

So he started to grow his own.

Not to sell it, mind.

Bit of a hobby, that, really.

You know, had real green fingers, did Frank.

You should have tasted his tomatoes!

LEN LAUGHS

Mind you, he wasn't taking it all the time.

Just, you know, now and then, when it got really bad.

I can see why you brought the fudge, now.

-And have you been on it?

-No, no! Never smoked in my life. Anything.

So what do you want it for?

I was going to throw it away.

You expect me to believe that?

I swear it!

Look, you can go and turn my house over if you like!

I haven't even got an ashtray.

So, why, then?

I didn't want them two finding it.

Nor you, for that matter.

I didn't want him being remembered like that.

Remembering him like what?

Well, a druggie or a criminal.

Because he wasn't at all, that's the last thing he was.

He was just an old man in a lot of pain.

And he'd have done the same for me, I can promise you that!

MUFFLED THUMP

THUD

I take it you've charged him?

Charge him for what?

Breaking and entering.

There was no damage, was there?

Nope.

Burglary, then.

You know, actually, I think that Len had reasonable grounds for access

-as Frank's carer.

-Oh, please!

And friend. About the only one he had, Mr Redmond?

Well, what did he take?

Nothing worth worrying about.

Perhaps we should be the judge of that.

He was just trying to sort out a few things for his mate.

Oh, really?

What sort of things?

Just things that Frank wouldn't want anyone else to find.

Sergeant, we're all grown-ups here.

Listen, it really doesn't matter.

Please take my word for it. I think that's about it for one night.

-I certainly don't think it is! I'd like to speak to your superior.

-Oh, Cindy, be quiet.

Sort this fiasco out once and for all.

-It's an utter disgrace!

-I said, shut up.

He was just trying to take care of Frank, that's all.

More than we ever did.

-We did our best.

-We did nothing!

-Well, who can blame us?

-Well, I can, actually.

When he couldn't stand the sight of us?

It was you he couldn't stand and neither can I, at times!

But it's still my fault and...

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry you had to do it for me.

I'll, um...

I'll let you know about the funeral.

Thank you.

You will not!

Yeah, and I'll tell you, whatever you say, we're not taking a penny from that house.

-Don't talk so stupid!

-You watch me!

I bet Frank would've enjoyed that.

Wouldn't he just!

What do you think you're doing in my house?

Get out, before I call the police!

-You cheeky little...

-Ah-ah.

How dare you!

-Give me that.

-You'll get hit in the face!

-Give me the bag!

Do you want to fight me, old man?

DO YOU?!

Come on, then!

HE INHALES SHARPLY

-Just who do you think you are?

-Back off, mate!

Coming into my house without any compunction,

-taking things as if it was your right!

-You better put that down...

-Give that to me.

-..before I put you down!

Listen to me!

You see what happens to you?

You have to learn. For every action, there is a consequence.

If you treat me with disrespect and violence, I will do the same to you!

DOG BARKS

Police. I want to report a burglary.

You smell like a distillery.

-You got everything?

-Yes, I've got the forensic samples

I've got a complaint.

-Oh, yeah?

-That doctor - he was drunk.

I'm not happy to do something

to destroy a colleague's reputation.

What is this? All doctors together and to hell with the victim.

Come on, that's not fair.

If I went around leaving blood samples every time I'm in here

I'd be like a pin cushion.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd