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WHALE NOISE

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NOISE CONTINUES

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WHALE NOISE AND DRIPPING WATER

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NOISE CONTINUES

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-Who is she?

-Who's who?

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Only one kind of text puts that look on a man's face.

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Really? How would you know?

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Boom! Back of the net, 1-0 Tyler.

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You forgot your "Doctor On Call" sign, didn't you?

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Been driving round looking for a free parking spot? You don't change.

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Change? How can you improve on perfection?

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So, long time no see. Where've you been hiding?

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Oh, here and there. New job treating you well?

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Yeah, it's all right. Couple more months

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and I'll have made myself indispensable.

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Already got the top brass in my pocket.

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So, how's things treating you?

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Oh, you know. Cruising down the IT speedway.

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I checked out the Mill's Support Network.

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They are desperately in need of an upgrade. I thought of you.

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Yeah. Yeah, maybe.

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Oh, hi. I'm going to go for a large gingerbread latte, please,

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with an extra caramel shot and I know that comes with shortbread,

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but can I also have a slice of that chocolate cake in the window.

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-Of course.

-You?

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-I'm good, thanks.

-Thank you.

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I see you're still eating for two.

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I'm a growing boy.

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-So, you don't like the sound of more work?

-It's kind of...

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I've got something going on.

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Oh, really? A little...software thing, eh?

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-No wonder I haven't seen you.

-I've been spending more time with Charlotte.

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Your sister Charlotte? The lovely, luscious Lottie.

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I always thought you had a bit of a thing for her. From a long way off.

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-I told you before - my binoculars are strictly for plane spotting

-Yeah, yeah.

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Didn't she set up her own finance company or something?

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That must sting, knowing your sister

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-makes a fortune...

-She's got breast cancer, mate.

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Oh. Oh, I'm sorry. That's rough.

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What's the prognosis?

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She's having pre-op chemo.

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Shrink the tumour, make surgery less invasive that's a good thing.

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Sounds like they've got a plan.

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Would you come and see her?

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She's been acting weird the last couple of days.

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Diagnosis? No can do.

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-OK, very funny.

-No, no, no.

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She needs to see her consultant.

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WHALE NOISE

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Yes, all right. I'm getting them!

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Go back to the box.

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You've got more room in there.

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-You could play doctors with her legit, like you always wanted.

-I can't. It's unprofessional.

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No-one would have to know.

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There are protocols. If the treatment...

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The oncologist said it's all going OK, but it's Lottie.

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She's not herself.

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She's always been a bit out there, hasn't she?

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-Remember when she used to do all that guerrilla gardening.

-That was different.

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Having a serious illness changes people. I'm sorry, but..

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Have you ever known cancer

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make someone think they've got a whale in a cardboard box?

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In the living room? Yeah, a whole ocean in a box?

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And in that ocean lives a whale that eats Earl Grey teabags?

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-How long as this been going on?

-A couple of days.

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I got the box down from the attic for her.

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It's got her Christmas decorations in it.

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Well, it did until Moby Dick moved in.

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Right.

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When can we see her?

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Come on, who is she? Where'd you meet her?

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Why are you keeping her to yourself?

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A gentleman does not discuss such matters.

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One, you're not a gentleman.

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Watch your manners, Frosty the Snowman.

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And two, does she have a sister? About my age?

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No, but she's got a half-brother.

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You're dating your sister?

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Dude, that's sick. Really.

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I see her most days. I've been making her meals.

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It gives me an excuse to keep an eye on things.

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Why haven't you been in touch with the hospital?

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She's got an appointment coming up, but she's refusing to leave the house before that. It's like...

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She's in denial?

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This whale's become more important.

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-She's even persuaded the Macmillan nurse she doesn't have to visit.

-MOBILE RINGS

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All right, sis? Everything OK?

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I know you were going to come over this afternoon, but can we leave it?

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-Why? What's wrong?

-Nothing, only I'm busy, that's all.

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It's the whale, it's taking up all my time.

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I'm sure it got into the bath last night.

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'How? How could it...? Never mind.'

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-I'm coming anyway. Have you eaten?

-'No!'

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I can see I'm going to have to be brutally honest -

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the whale doesn't like the sound of your voice.

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'You're making things...difficult.'

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I'm sorry.

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Def Con one, mate.

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Don't be spraying that in here. The Tembe will kick off.

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I wasn't going to.

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I want to hear more about this sister you've produced out of thin air.

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-Half-sister. And why is it surprising?

-Because you're the epitome of an only child, like me.

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I thought I was an only kid.

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Only found out when she contacted me recently.

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But there's a half-brother, too.

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-What's got into you?

-I forgot what your driving's like,

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on top of everything else.

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Stop being all...

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Maybe it's you I should be examining. Just chill out.

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Chill out? This is my sister.

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Wait till you see her.

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When did you first notice that her behaviour had changed?

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She started asking what whales eat.

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I thought she was looking at alternative therapies.

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She's going to die, isn't she? It's all linked in.

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Who's the doctor here? Go on, I need to see her.

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No, it's more cancer, I'm certain, I've checked.

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I read all the leaflets, went on the internet.

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Oh, yeah, cause the internet is the best place to diagnose your problems.

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Next time, try googling the words "I'm an idiot".

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Come on.

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Do you think you've missed out not growing up with them?

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I can't think like that.

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I would've liked a brother or sister.

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Less pressure on me, if nothing else.

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I liked having my mum to myself.

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That's probably cos she was there for you.

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I was an accessory to mine.

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We don't know any better as kids, though, do we?

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How different would things have been?

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You might not have become a doctor.

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Your mother might not have pushed you so hard if she had other kids.

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I'm thinking of getting her and Nadia together.

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I'm pretty confident they'll like each other.

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That's cool.

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Lottie? Come on, I'm getting worried.

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What if she's collapsed?

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-She could be lying there.

-Nope.

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I saw movement up at the window.

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Come on, sis, let us in, it's freezing out here.

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It's no good, you'll have to break down the door.

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-Why me?

-You're bigger. Come on, put some weight behind it.

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Budge up.

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Hello, Miss Croker?

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I'm from the RSPCA.

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We've had a report that you're keeping an endangered species.

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-Can I have a look?

-Don't encourage her, what are you doing?

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It's all right Miss Croker, you're not in any trouble,

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it's just a routine visit to check on the animal's welfare.

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DOOR LOCK OPENS

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I told you, I haven't got time.

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-How've you been?

-Busy.

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I said. Did you meet on the doorstep

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or was it you called him about the whale?

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I've been worried.

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I'm doing my best, it's not like looking after a hamster.

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-How do you fit a whole ocean in there?

-Pff... I don't know.

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-What do you think?

-Don't encourage her.

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What did I say? Keep your voice down.

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I think it moves round my central heating as well.

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How can a whale do that? How can anything?

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-Lottie, please, listen to yourself...

-Shh!

-Put the kettle on.

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The pipes keep knocking. It's his tail, hitting them as he swims.

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It's a boy? How do you know?

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Maybe it's a sperm whale.

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Right, so, it moves round the house through the heating,

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and then goes back to the ocean?

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He's looking for food. Earl Grey teabags.

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I feed him, and he seems fine, but...

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How did you find out what he eats?

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Mostly trial and error.

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One Milk, three sugars. Chop-chop.

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Oh, no. Nothing for me, thanks.

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Can I have a word?

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You're playing into her hands.

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I'm trying to find the level of her hallucination.

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Don't use the teapot, Eddie. The whale gets in there sometimes.

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I should have called an ambulance,

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got her to hospital soon as I thought something was wrong.

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But you called me.

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Get the teabags. It's that cupboard.

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Whoa.

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The plot thickens.

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They're going to section her, aren't they? It's gone too far.

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You, stay in here, get a grip. This judging is not helping.

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He gets in the teapot, you say?

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He's a ten ton whale, he goes where he wants.

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The bath, the radiators... I can't stop him.

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You're not really from the RSPCA, are you?

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What makes you say that?

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They wear a uniform.

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Ah, you got me.

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I think you're from Greenpeace.

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Yeah. Yeah, that's it. (I'm undercover.)

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So, do you have gas central heating?

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-Why?

-Well, I'm just as concerned for your welfare

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as I am for the whale.

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-Where's your boiler?

-In the kitchen.

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Are you going to free him?

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Would it worry you if I did?

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I've done my best, but I think he needs more than I can give.

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How will you take him?

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-Well...

-Oh, no, no, no. Don't.

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He comes to the surface and I end up with water everywhere.

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The salt's ruining the carpet.

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Smells new.

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A bit chemically.

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I've had it stain guarded, thankfully.

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You'll have to move the box with the whale in it, won't you?

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You might need a crane.

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I hadn't thought about that.

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You're not very bright, are you?

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It's got a whole ocean in it.

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A crane it is, then.

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But don't knock a hole in the wall because I've redecorated.

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How do you think it got in here?

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You've really given me a poser, haven't you?

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JAZZ PLAYS

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A watched pot...

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What?

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You've definitely ramped things up with Nadia the last few days.

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Remind me again who gave me her number,

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just in case I'd want to use it?

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Use it? Looks like you've worn it out.

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I'm not sorry you did.

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-Have you asked her about your father yet?

-No,

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I'm only just getting to know her.

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It's like I've found a big gap in my life I didn't know existed.

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She just stepped into it?

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Is that so wrong?

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No, but I just think you should take things a little bit more slowly.

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Give yourself time to get used to it.

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-Pass the teabags. It's feeding time again.

-How's it going?

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She's completely committed to the illusion. It's incredible.

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Yeah, great, wonderful. Can you do anything?

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How's she been responding to treatment? Any side effects?

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Some hair loss, sickness, tired.

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Anything she might have been given morphine for?

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She had it a few times she stopped taking it.

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Said it made everything taste bad. Is that it?

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Right, that's fine, the detector's fine.

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It's not carbon monoxide poisoning.

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One, two, three, four...

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Lottie, how much wine do you drink?

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What? Does it matter?

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Can you not be drunk and in charge of a whale?

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There's a lot of empty bottles.

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-Is that what's wrong?

-Doubtful.

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Alcohol withdrawal can lead to hallucinations,

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but you got to drink a lot, for a long time, and then stop dead.

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Then stop messing around in the box!

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Think, think, think.

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It is more cancer, isn't it?

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-I can't rule out cerebral metastases yet.

-What's that?

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Come on, Al. Don't stop being blunt now.

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-Brain tumour.

-I knew it.

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Yeah, cos you read it on the internet. Just rein it in.

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-It could be something else.

-Like?

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Come on, give me something here, mate.

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I don't know, metabolic problems, something to do with liver function,

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which brings us back to the alcohol. I don't know what it is, I can't see.

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-Metabolic?

-You said you cook for her? Regular menu?

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Every day, nearly. Fresh ingredients.

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I follow the hospital guidelines for chemo patients.

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Is this my fault?

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Yeah, it's all about you.

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Do you talk to everyone like this? No wonder you're single.

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So are you! What's your excuse?

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I don't know what it is.

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Wait a minute.

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You said she'd stopped seeing the Macmillan nurse. Why?

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She said she was feeling better.

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When was the last time she actually spoke about being ill?

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I don't know.

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When was it? Think!

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I must be mad, letting you loose on her.

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Why are you doing this?

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Because you asked me to. There could be something else.

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It spouted again. You said you'd get the teabags.

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-Can't you hear the whale calling for them?!

-No, we can't.

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And neither can you!

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Do you remember how many times you fed the whale yesterday?

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Yes, of course. I, um...

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Twice in the morning, then I went out to lunch...with a client and...

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You had lunch here, Lottie, remember?

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Maybe you got mixed up. Did you have treatment yesterday?

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Treatment? What does he mean? What would I need treatment for?

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Well, your brother said you've not been feeling well.

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Yeah, I had some mouth ulcers...

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OK, Miss Croker, we're going to sort this out.

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-We're going to get you down to the rescue centre.

-What for?

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Well, so you can sign some forms

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and officially hand over the whale to my care. You know, make it legal.

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Well, you can't own a whale. It's not like a car.

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-I don't understand...

-No, no, no! No worries, sis, I'll come with you.

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Why don't you go and get your coat?

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AL DIALS A NUMBER

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You're making her worse.

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Yeah, this is Dr Haskey from the Mill Health Centre.

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Can I have an ambulance, please, to 36 Weldon Road?

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If I'm right, we need to get her treatment as soon as possible.

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How serious is it?

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Yes, Oncology Department, please.

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All I'm saying is a dishwasher is for washing dishes, not for storing them.

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-Thanks.

-Thank you.

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A place for everything and everything in its place, eh?

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-Yeah, I can never find anything.

-In my kitchen? Funny, cos I can.

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If you're going to get all alpha male over it...

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Why do you think I should take things more slowly, then?

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Swift change of subject.

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How many times have you jumped in feet first and then regretted it?

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This is different. She's not a girlfriend.

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Agreed. This is a way bigger deal. You can't just easily walk away.

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You make it sound like things are already going wrong.

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-I don't mean to, but...

-But?

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I keep thinking, why has she got in touch?

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Because she wants to get to know me?

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Yeah, but why now?

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She's only just found out I exist.

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She's really strong on family, it's important for her.

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She was really determined to make this happen.

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And she would be if she'd known about me before now.

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This doesn't really look much like an animal shelter.

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Where's the paperwork?

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These people will look after all that.

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But what about the whale?

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That won't be a problem any more.

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Well, I want to go with her.

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No, let them do the tests.

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What were you saying to the doctors?

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I was saying I thought it was Korsakoff's psychosis.

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-That's what they're checking for.

-What is that?

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It's caused by a lack of the vitamin B1.

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It causes hallucinations, memory loss, personality change

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and the belief that the sufferer isn't ill.

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-So it's not a brain tumour?

-Not a brain tumour.

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And it's not morphine addiction,

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it's not alcohol-related in this case.

0:17:420:17:44

-It is Korsakoff's and it can be treated.

-Well, how did she get it?

0:17:440:17:48

Well, vitamin B deficiency can be a side effect of chemo.

0:17:480:17:53

It was the way that she suddenly started acting

0:17:530:17:55

like she didn't have cancer any more, that was the big giveaway.

0:17:550:17:58

That was how I got it. He shoots, he scores.

0:17:580:18:01

I was so sure it was more cancer.

0:18:010:18:03

You've got tumours on the brain,

0:18:030:18:06

which is ironic.

0:18:060:18:07

You're crossing a line, mate.

0:18:070:18:09

Am I?

0:18:090:18:11

You came to me, fearing the worst,

0:18:110:18:13

I took that away and, look at you, you're still worrying.

0:18:130:18:16

Come on! High five for genius Dr Al!

0:18:160:18:19

Do you have any idea what it's like, watching someone go through this,

0:18:190:18:22

feeling so helpless?!

0:18:220:18:24

-I see it every day.

-Yeah, you SEE it.

0:18:240:18:26

Oh, why am I even surprised that you're like this?

0:18:260:18:29

I've put up with your big head for years.

0:18:290:18:31

Lottie was just a problem to be solved, wasn't she?

0:18:310:18:34

Look, the oncologist will confirm it,

0:18:340:18:36

they'll modify her chemo and keep a closer eye on her from now on.

0:18:360:18:40

She's still got cancer.

0:18:400:18:42

You didn't change that.

0:18:420:18:44

I'm sorry, but a miracle will take me a little bit longer.

0:18:440:18:47

Just...just go, will you? Go on, there...

0:18:470:18:49

there must be a burger out there with your name on it.

0:18:490:18:51

I gave up my whole day off for you and this is how I get treated?

0:18:510:18:55

-You're ungrateful, you know that?

-I'm afraid is what I am.

0:18:550:19:00

Have you got a high five for that?

0:19:000:19:02

You know, your bedside manner sucks, Haskey,

0:19:020:19:04

and, without that, you're just a pill dispenser!

0:19:040:19:07

Big surprise, you've got no friends!

0:19:070:19:10

You're a crap excuse for a person, let alone a doctor!

0:19:100:19:13

I'm thinking of inviting Nadia over tonight.

0:19:180:19:20

Her husband's away on business, I thought she might like the company.

0:19:200:19:23

So you want me out of the way?

0:19:230:19:24

No, the opposite. It'll be more casual if you're there.

0:19:240:19:27

-In other words, you want me to cook.

-It's not all about you, you know.

0:19:270:19:30

Don't tell me YOU'RE going to do it. This should be fun.

0:19:300:19:33

I reckon I could have a bash at a chilli.

0:19:330:19:35

Yeah, only if you want to poison her.

0:19:350:19:36

You have to soak the kidney beans for a day before making it.

0:19:360:19:39

-Book a restaurant.

-No way! It's all office Christmas parties.

0:19:390:19:42

I want a chance at a proper conversation,

0:19:420:19:44

not be distracted by drunken birds flaying about

0:19:440:19:47

-and waiters butting in!

-So you agree with what I've been saying?

0:19:470:19:50

-Take things slowly?

-Yeah. I want to ask her about my half-brother too.

0:19:500:19:55

-And your father?

-No. Not him.

0:19:550:19:57

You know that subject's going to be unavoidable soon, don't you?

0:19:580:20:01

Nadia knows how I feel.

0:20:010:20:03

Do you know how she feels, though?

0:20:030:20:06

This is what I mean about not rushing.

0:20:060:20:08

Sorry.

0:20:230:20:25

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

0:20:310:20:33

-Hi.

-KEVIN: 'Hi, it's me.'

0:20:400:20:43

Yeah, I know. That's the wonder of caller ID. How are you?

0:20:430:20:46

I'm fine, um, I was just wondering if you'd like to meet up tonight?

0:20:460:20:51

-Well...

-At my house. Nothing fancy, my flatmate Jas will be there too.

0:20:510:20:55

It's just, um...

0:20:550:20:57

And I've managed to dig up some seriously numpty photos of me as a kid.

0:20:570:21:01

I'd love to see them...

0:21:010:21:03

You might even see a family resemblance.

0:21:030:21:05

And...maybe I could meet up with Zarif as well, some time?

0:21:050:21:10

Oh, I'd really love to do all of that, Kevin, but I can't tonight.

0:21:100:21:14

-Right. Sure, no problem.

-Friday's family day.

0:21:140:21:17

-I mean... Not that I don't think you're...

-It's OK, I understand.

0:21:170:21:21

It's the way it's always been.

0:21:230:21:25

All the men go to the mosque in the afternoon,

0:21:250:21:27

-and then we all get together for a big meal.

-I see.

0:21:270:21:29

It's been a difficult tradition to keep recently, because...

0:21:290:21:32

It's OK, you don't need to explain, um, we'll just do it some other night, perhaps.

0:21:320:21:36

Yeah, definitely, definitely! And I'll bring photos too.

0:21:360:21:39

-We took dad on a trip back to...

-I've got to go. Bye.

0:21:400:21:43

SHE SIGHS

0:21:470:21:49

Lottie?

0:21:550:21:57

-I've got your...

-Oh, thanks...I think.

0:21:570:22:02

-How are you feeling?

-Um, I'm not sure... Tired, a bit confused.

0:22:040:22:08

-Sorry, were you here before?

-Oh, we met this morning.

0:22:090:22:13

But...I... I know you, don't I?

0:22:130:22:16

-Yeah, I'm a friend of your brother's.

-Oh, yes!

0:22:160:22:20

God, it's been ages. It is Mike? Mal?

0:22:200:22:23

Al.

0:22:230:22:24

You won't remember, but I used to come round your house after school.

0:22:240:22:29

Me and Eddie had a computer club.

0:22:290:22:31

That's you! All, um... All runny nose and chocolate bars?

0:22:310:22:37

Ta-dah!

0:22:370:22:38

And you're from, er... You're from Greenpeace, is it, or, um...?

0:22:380:22:42

Oh, God, sorry. Sorry, I'm a bit confused.

0:22:420:22:46

Oh, the last few days have been a bit of a blur.

0:22:460:22:49

Actually, I'm a doctor now.

0:22:490:22:51

-Oh, really?

-Yeah.

0:22:510:22:53

That...that, er... that thing with the whale.

0:22:540:22:58

It's like I was dreaming. It's so weird.

0:22:580:23:01

Yeah, it was strange, wasn't it?

0:23:010:23:03

I wonder, why a whale in a box?

0:23:040:23:07

Yeah, I've been thinking that since they explained.

0:23:070:23:11

Is it like the elephant in the room?

0:23:110:23:14

Could be.

0:23:140:23:15

But then, why not a whale?

0:23:150:23:18

Is it any more unbelievable than suddenly finding you've got cancer?

0:23:180:23:22

I...I imagine that must feel like you've been hit for six.

0:23:240:23:27

You feel you're supposed to be brave,

0:23:270:23:29

and like get on with it and be an example to everybody.

0:23:290:23:32

All I wanted to do was put my head under the duvet.

0:23:330:23:36

But you were brave, Lottie.

0:23:360:23:38

You were.

0:23:380:23:40

You took on a whale in a box and you won...

0:23:400:23:43

Thought I'd scrounge a lift home if you're ready?

0:23:490:23:51

Sure. How about a Chinese on the way home? My shout.

0:23:510:23:54

Oh, my hero! No cooking, no washing up. Set meal for three?

0:23:540:23:58

If you want, piggy, but it'll only be the two of us.

0:23:580:24:02

Lads' night in, eh?

0:24:020:24:04

-OK. Come on, I'm starving.

-You're getting the beers.

-Oh!

0:24:040:24:07

I didn't feel brave when they gave me the MRI,

0:24:110:24:15

especially when they handed me the panic button.

0:24:150:24:18

Did you stay in for the whole scan?

0:24:180:24:20

Only just.

0:24:200:24:21

Well, some people can't handle it.

0:24:210:24:23

What, being put in that tiny space, with that noise?

0:24:230:24:26

God, I felt trapped!

0:24:280:24:29

All at sea?

0:24:300:24:31

I cried.

0:24:340:24:36

Almost the whole time.

0:24:380:24:40

So, you "wailed" in that box?

0:24:430:24:45

-Is that it?

-What?

0:24:470:24:49

Well, sometimes, our brain will play a trick on us,

0:24:490:24:52

you know, like when we're asleep or we've got a fever.

0:24:520:24:56

Yeah, that could be it.

0:24:560:24:57

You could be the "wail" in the box.

0:24:570:25:00

The W-A-I-L in the box.

0:25:000:25:04

Yeah. That could be the cause of your hallucinations.

0:25:060:25:10

SHE LAUGHS

0:25:100:25:12

That is the worst diagnosis I've ever had!

0:25:160:25:20

Yeah, it was absolute rubbish, wasn't it?

0:25:220:25:25

Well, believe me, I can do a lot worse.

0:25:250:25:28

Oh, stay a bit longer.

0:25:280:25:30

Until Eddie gets back. I hate being here on my own.

0:25:300:25:33

Eddie's a good man.

0:25:360:25:37

You know, so whales are afraid of him, but no-one's perfect.

0:25:390:25:43

Oh, he does his best,

0:25:430:25:45

but I don't think he really knows what it's like going through this.

0:25:450:25:49

I think he does.

0:25:500:25:51

He just doesn't say.

0:25:530:25:54

I'm going to stay as long as you need me.

0:25:570:25:59

-Heston?

-Esther?

0:26:100:26:12

-Who is she?

-An old acquaintance. It's just lunch.

0:26:120:26:15

How dare you, Jimmi Clay! You don't think I'm capable

0:26:150:26:18

of making the best card without doing somebody else down?

0:26:180:26:21

-Draw!

-Decoupage!

0:26:210:26:23

Thank you, Heston.

0:26:230:26:25

You would make a wonderful father.

0:26:250:26:27

Why would you disrupt your peaceful life with a baby?

0:26:270:26:30

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0:26:380:26:42

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