Follow That Star! Doctors

# Sleigh bells ring Are you listening?

# In the lane Snow is glistening

# A beautiful sight... #

Now stand up straight.

Stick your arms out.

And smile!

Oh, come on. Bigger than that.

Pretend it's Christmas.

Oh, dear.

I had hoped at least one of us was looking forward to it.

# He sings a love song As we go along

# Walking in a winter wonderland. #

# In the meadow we can build a snowman

# Then pretend that he is Parson Brown

# He'll say are you married We'll say no man

# But you can do the job when you're in town. #

OK. Here we go. Over the top.

I can't look. You'll have to tell me.

Do you want the good news or the bad news?

I need some good news.

You've lost two kilos. You're now at your ideal weight.

Yes! What's the bad news?

There isn't any.

You have no idea how good that feels.

If this was a musical, I'd burst into song at this point.

So how are you going to celebrate?

Oh! Dunno.

Once upon a time, I'd have gone out and bought a big chocolate gateau.

-Ah.

-Although tonight, I will get to slip on my little black dress,

go out on the town, and look sensational.

Hot date?

-The school nativity play.

-Hm?

I know it sounds sad,

but that's the reason I went on this weight loss programme.

To go to a primary school nativity play?

It's not just the play, although that'll be wonderful,

and Ellie'll be amazing, but...Gary's going to be there.

Your ex, Gary?

That's the one. My little ray of sunstroke.

Sorry. Are you two trying to...

Oh no, no, no! I'd rather eat my own kidney.

But it's the first time we'll be together since we split.

I mean, we see each other at weekends when we hand over Ellie,

but this is the first time in front of all our friends.

And I want to look so utterly drop dead gorgeous

that he goes home and drops dead.

So why did you two split up?

Oh, the usual. I was doing really well in my career.

He was...an assistant librarian.

Think it was just all a bit much for his male ego.

And there was a slight incident at his office Christmas party

when I called all his colleagues a bunch of sad anoraks,

but he always has to overreact.

We've all done things we regret at the office Christmas party.

Well, I just hope I don't see too much of Gary this Christmas.

I mean, I'm always trying to avoid him.

Luckily, he works on the other side of town,

so there's no way I'm going to bump into him here.

He's on his way, isn't he?

-Well, um...

-Oh, typical!

He has the whole planet to choose from, but he keeps bumping into me.

So what's Ellie playing in the nativity play?

-Is my prescription ready?

-Oh, I'm sure it is.

I can remember when Immie was the Virgin Mary. I was so proud.

Oh, I'm sure! Is it there?

Jack got really jealous, because she was getting all the attention,

he put a plastic spider in Jesus' swaddling clothes.

That's priceless. My prescription?

And in front of the whole school,

she screamed and dropped the baby Jesus!

Hilarious! Look, is it there at all?

-Yeah. There you go. Oh, it needs signing by Dr Clay.

-What!?

He's only popped out, he'll be a minute. Do you want to wait?

No. I can't. I'll come back later.

Merry Christmas.

KNOCKING

Enter!

Can I pick your brains for a few minutes?

I don't see why not. There's plenty to go round.

I wanted to ask you about stem cell transplants.

Have a seat.

You should have come in earlier, it's pretty much healed.

I thought it was worth checking. I've definitely learned my lesson.

Which is?

Next time I go on a treadmill, I must remember to tie my shoelaces.

So, is that it?

Yes, that's it. It's not a crime to be cautious, is it?

I mean, I've always come here.

My ex-wife used to come here.

She still does, doesn't she?

You know I can't say.

Of course.

-Is that why you're here?

-No, no, of course not.

So, you've been spending much time at the gym?

Well, I do like to maintain a high level of cardiovascular fitness.

-Right.

-And I wanted to get in shape for this evening.

-What's happening this evening?

-The school nativity play.

Ah.

The radio-ablation of the bone is quite intense.

There will be several sessions over the week where he's feeling

quite poorly, but tell your friend, it's nothing to worry about,

it's a small price to pay.

-OK.

-He's doing a wonderful thing.

There aren't nearly enough people on the register.

Yeah, well, I think he's a bit uncomfortable

around any kind of medical procedure.

Which is weird because he works in medicine.

Doesn't surprise me! Doctors are the worst patients.

Mmm, yeah.

So I walk in, with my lean, mean, gym-toned physique.

Mel will be so depressed when she see's what she's lost,

she'll run home and hang herself from the Christmas tree.

Charming!

I'm sorry.

I'm not normally an angry person, but that woman could make

Mahatma Gandhi start a new career as a cage fighter.

OK, I know you've had your differences,

but surely tonight is about Ellie.

I know, and I want to give her a good Christmas, but...

I hope she understands that even though

we can't stand each other, we still love her.

Well, you know the best Christmas present you could give her?

-What?

-You two could stop fighting for a bit.

Just in the spirit of Christmas.

Christmas is a time when a lot of people who can't stand each other

are forced to spend the day together.

When we eat, drink, and try not to show how miserable we all are.

I'm glad I'm not spending Christmas at your place.

This year, I shall spend the big day

with the Doctor Who Christmas Special and a boil-in-the-bag curry.

But all that concerns me now is getting through this evening.

KNOCKING

Come in!

Ah, coffee!

Strong and black. Just the way you like it.

Is that Mount Kilimanjaro?

Yes, it is, actually.

My Uncle Thabani was going to climb it last Christmas.

But when he got to the base camp,

he decided, this mountain is so beautiful, but if I am on top,

I will not be able to appreciate its snow-capped beauty,

so perhaps I will just stay here.

Yes, a friend of mine just climbed it for charity.

Oh, a friend?

Yes. Her name's Gina. I met her at the army recruitment fair.

Oh. That is good.

What is?

It is good to have a friend who understands the world you come from.

I have many friends in this country,

but it is always nice to meet someone from Botswana.

Someone who knows the taste of serobe and bogobe.

I will leave you to it.

RINGING

Hello?

Hi, it's Howard Bellamy here. From the...

The Army recruitment fair!

Yeah. And you said something about meeting up.

I did.

So, why don't we make it happen?

I'd love to.

Right, I just need to find a free day.

You know what it's like this time of year.

Yeah.

Actually, I'm training for a triathlon at the moment.

Why don't we meet at the gym?

The gym?

RINGING

HE SIGHS

-Hello?

-Gary, it's Mel.

-Yes, I can always tell.

-How?

When the room goes cold and all my pot plants begin to wither.

Oh, new sides, please, nurse. These ones are splitting.

What do you want?

Are you coming to the nativity play?

It's my daughter's stage debut.

I'm hardly going to stay at home and watch EastEnders.

Well, as you have a God complex,

you might be disappointed to find it's not about you.

Of course I'm coming. And?

And can you bring Ellie's pink trainers?

She needs them for PE tomorrow.

I have not got Ellie's pink trainers.

Well, where are they?

I suggest you look in the place you had them last.

Oh, Gary, what would I do without you? Celebrate?

-Is that all?

-That's all.

-Well, hosanna in excelsis. Goodbye, Mel.

-Bye.

-Are you still there?

-Are you still there?

Oh, you always did have to have the last word.

Well, I think you just had the last word there.

Until you started up again.

-No, I think you'll find it was...

-Bye, Mel!

So anyway, the heron swoops down

-grabs this pigeon in its beak, it was awful.

-You're joking!

Hi.

-Oh. Sorry, can you give us a few minutes?

-Yeah, course.

How did you get in here?

I told them I had an appointment.

Yeah, well, you'd know all about telling lies.

Kevin, I'm really sorry.

I wanted to be honest with you from the start,

and...I wasn't trying to be devious.

It just comes naturally, does it?

Look, why don't we meet up somewhere this evening, talk properly, somewhere else?

Don't want your colleagues to know about your dirty secret?

I don't want us to be interrupted. And you deserve some answers.

Fine. This evening.

Mind how you go!

Ooh, hello!

Hi, have you got the prescription?

I do.

You look amazing! A star is born.

-Thank you.

-Now, we're running a bit late, but there's no need to panic.

So shoulders back, twinkle twinkle, and smile!

-Mummy?

-Yes?

I need to go to the toilet.

You found it then?

Gina? I actually pass this place every evening,

but this is the first time I've ever been inside.

So did you say you didn't have any kit?

Well, I haven't had chance to get home yet.

OK, well, try this. It should be your size.

Really?

Really. Now, let's go and work up a sweat.

Ellie, are you going to be much longer?

I don't know!

The Star of Bethlehem can't be late!

It's not just me you're letting down, it's the Shepherds, the Wise Men and the Baby Jesus.

OK, fine, I'll give you some privacy.

Oh mate, you can't be serious...

All right. Never mind. Bye.

-Everything OK?

-Oh, nothing, just my friend's just blown me out.

So now I've got an evening of junk food and junk TV ahead of me.

Oh, no, that's awful.

Mel! Wow!

Sorry, I couldn't help overhearing.

But, um, if you're suddenly footloose and fancy free...

Yeah?

Um... How would you like to come to the nativity play?

So what kind of workout do you normally do?

Well, I'm not really a big fan of the gym.

I prefer the great outdoors.

Oh, I need a proper, structured workout - lower body,

upper body, some cardio on the treadmill.

What's wrong with a good cross country run?

Well, the treadmill, I can bring my laptop, Skype,

have a conference call, do a bit of online shopping.

Do you ever stop?

Well, I have been known to have a power nap.

Fancy a ten-mile run?

So it would just be a huge boost to my self-confidence. It won't take long.

Just half an hour, a couple of verses of Away In A Manger and then a mince pie afterwards.

You did say you were doing nothing this evening.

Look, I'd love to, but...

Oh, that's wonderful! Thank you so much!

Look, we're going to have to go now, we're already late.

Guess what? Nurse Chris is coming to the nativity play.

-Um... Hooray!

-Yay!

Great.

Now we're running a bit late, but we should just get there by half past.

Come on!

Hi, everyone! Sorry we're late.

-Gary?

-Mel.

-Daddy!

-Ellie!

You are the most beautiful star

in the multi-dimensional infinity of all creation.

-What are you?

-Um...

Never mind.

Hi.

Chris, what are you doing here?

I always like to support community events.

-Really?

-So where is everybody?

-I don't know.

-We were meant to be here by five. I got a bit waylaid.

Yes, I am quite aware of your general tardiness.

Here we go again.

She would usually turn up halfway through a film,

or, on one memorable occasion, as my mother's coffin slid into the furnace.

-Well, I'm always there for the important bit.

-Mummy!

You don't have me to mess things up any more.

-You can have a wonderfully punctual Christmas.

-Mummy!

-What is it, sweetie?

-I need to go to the toilet.

You went ten minutes ago.

I couldn't go because you were standing outside the door, shouting at me.

Can you take me, please?

Er...

-Go on.

-Come on!

Kevin!

I don't know how long I've got.

That's fair enough.

What is he doing?!

I think he's campaigning against animal experiments.

Look, I'm really sorry I wasn't 100% honest with you,

but there's something I want you to see.

My name's Nadia, and I wonder if you could do something very special.

I wonder if you could save a life.

-So. Are you looking forward to the play?

-No.

I have to sing a song, and I'm scared in case I forget the words.

You'll be fine.

You'll get up there, and you'll see everyone's smiling faces,

and the words'll come out like magic.

-Are you looking forward to Christmas?

-No.

Right.

It won't be a proper Christmas. Not when there's no Daddy.

-Oh, I know.

-Look.

Did you do that?

Yeah. That was last Christmas.

Ellie, I know it's sad, but Mummy and Daddy,

they find it hard to be friends.

-But they do love each other.

-What?

They always talk about each other, even when they say rude things.

-They always talk about each other.

-Yeah, I know.

I know.

I suppose you'll have a very quiet Christmas.

Probably just invite a few librarian chums.

Well, at least if I decide to have turkey,

I won't find a digital watch in the stuffing.

That only happened once.

Well, at least it would explain your irregular timekeeping.

Oh, when I was young, I swallowed a broken record,

but it never affected me, never affected me, never affected me.

And at least if I have a chocolate,

I won't find someone's been putting the empty wrappers back in the tin.

Oh, Gary. All the memories just come flooding back.

Let's hope they drown you.

So, what's Chris doing here?

-Chris?

-Hm.

-We've just started going out, actually.

-What!?

It's just a sex thing, really.

But he's the best Christmas present I ever had.

I certainly wouldn't exchange him for a larger size.

Well, you didn't waste much time, did you?

No, but then, you're so incredibly easy to forget.

Actually, who are you?

CLEARS THROAT

-Oh, sorry, sweetie, I didn't see you there.

-Exactly.

Did you want something?

-Well, this nativity play...

-Yes?

It's not actually on this evening.

All the posters say tomorrow.

Well, my flier clearly says it's this evening.

-And mine.

-I think someone may have interfered with your fliers.

It was me!

What? Why?

Because I wanted to get the two of you back together.

Oh!

Here you go.

Thanks.

So, how was it for you?

It was fun. In a masochistic sort of way.

Howard, you know the exercise bikes?

Yes?

You did know there was a little button that controls the gradient?

No.

Because, although we both did ten miles, you were going uphill,

and I was going down.

Thanks for that!

How's the wheatgrass?

Well, you can certainly taste the nutrients.

Yeah, but do you like it?

No. It tastes like grass. Only grass that something died in.

Fine.

Now, you know I said I was fully booked till Christmas?

Hm.

I seemed to have discovered another little window on my advent

calendar, so if you fancied meeting up for Sunday lunch?

Now, would that be for roast beef or macrobiotic carrot juice?

Wait and see!

Darling, I'm so sorry,

but Mummy and Daddy, we're never going to live together again.

Especially now Mummy's got someone else to fluff up her pillows.

Oh no, me and Mel, we're not... No.

Oh, all right. We're not going out.

-I just said that to make you jealous.

-That is so tragic.

Said the pot to the kettle! I notice you seem to be wearing a lot of padding.

-I mean, those muscles aren't actually... Oh!

-Yes.

Ellie was telling me how sad it is you can't all be together this Christmas.

-Aw!

-Ellie!

My dad used to tell me this story about World War One,

how one Christmas in the trenches, they all stopped fighting

and they played a game of football.

Do you think you two could have a little Christmas ceasefire?

Please!

Um, well...

OK. We'll wave a white flag for Christmas.

Well, I don't know about you, but I think this calls for a song.

But however bad things get, we won't give up hope.

The doctors say he could be close to the end,

but, we believe that, Inshallah, he might be saved.

So if you're willing to be a donor, please get in touch.

Thanks for listening.

So there you are.

We've posted this everywhere we can think of.

All the social networking sites.

What's the response been like?

Oh, we get e-mails.

Some people recommend the power of prayer

and others say we should get back to our own country.

But no actual donors. Or none that match.

So when did you find out about me?

We were talking to Dad about his condition.

And I said it was a shame he just had the two children,

and neither of us was a match.

And he suddenly went very still.

I bet he did. I'm his guilty secret.

Kevin, he's been a good dad to us, and he would have been

a good dad to you, but there was all this pressure on him.

And yes, you owe him nothing, but he's going to die now.

And I know that's not your problem.

Why don't you get the test?

He might not be a match, and in that case, you can rule yourself out.

But please, I know you feel cheated and backed into a corner.

He needs your help. I need your help.

# Twinkle, twinkle, little star

# How I wonder what you are

# Up above the world so high

# Like a diamond in the sky

# Twinkle, twinkle, little star

# How I wonder what you are. #

Oh!

-It's a miracle.

-What is?

That me and your dad, who are basically human,

can give birth to someone with the voice of an angel.

Honestly, Gary, are you writing a review for The Guardian?

I'm reserving two seats, because tomorrow night,

your mother and I are going to sit here, together, and watch you shine.

Oh! Sweetie!

-I don't know.

-Kevin.

It's not so much about giving the stem cells, but it's him.

My whole life, he's had nothing to do with me.

And there were times, growing up, I could have done with a dad.

But no, he turned his back on me.

Will you get lost?

So that's what I don't get.

When I need him, he's never there.

When he needs me, he gets in touch.

What?

Dad didn't want this.

It was me and Zarif who suggested it.

We're not even sure he'd accept a donation from you,

but I really hope so, because it's his last chance.

Hold on, what did he say when you told him you were coming to see me?

He said he didn't want us to.

And that you were a part of his life he'd really rather forget.

You mean he doesn't even want to see me?

Deep breaths, keep going.

My heart feels like it's about to explode.

Oh, I'm so sorry. I had no idea what she was doing to you.

Come here.

You've got to get the right colour. If they've only got navy...

Sure I can handle it. It's not rocket science.

Oh, you've got to be kidding.

I told the boys at round table that I'd spruce it up.

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