myperfectm8.com Doctors

MUFFLED MUSIC PLAYING

MUSIC CHANGES: "Down Under" by Men at Work

Dragon fruit.

Went round all the delis in Solihull.

Babes, you're a legend.

Sydney, 2004.

Breakfast. Overlooking the bay.

Good day, Lady Moo, can I just tell you how sexy you look this morning?

No, Lord Bullock. You have been most remiss.

# We come from a land down under... #

MUSIC CHANGES BACK

When I do make an effort, you don't give a monkeys!

What's the point?

COMPUTER CHIMES

"Morning.

"Free to talk?"

Smileys.

"Got your photo. You're very, very, very attractive."

You're cute.

"Thanks."

You have an open face.

"Thanks again."

Open is a good thing.

"We could meet. If you're ready, that is."

I don't want to shatter your illusions.

-Seen the phone charger?

-On the bedside table.

I found it under your clothes.

Thanks.

Let's do it.

Just to remind you, I'm deciding today whether Karen or Mrs Tembe

get the temporary practice manager's role.

Watch out, Alan Sugar.

If they come to you for help on a task,

treat them like you did Julia on a very bad day.

Can you spread the word? Thanks.

Why would anyone they want that job?

Beats me.

Right. There will be two parts to your assessment.

The first is a real practice manager style task. Self explanatory.

I need those in by 4.30 today.

And during the course of the morning I'll be having a little "chat" with each of you.

-By the end of the day, I'll let you know who's got the role.

-What sort of a chat?

Oh, usual sort of thing. Why you're perfect for the role,

why the other person's awful. That sort of thing.

Doctor Carmichael.

Would I be right in saying that whoever secures this position

will have a better chance of getting the job permanently?

Can't do you any harm.

Freya just called. She wants to talk about something.

I'm going out for a drink with her after work.

You'll be late, then?

Don't know. I'll text, OK?

Hold on. Hold on.

Hiya, Babs.

Hiya. You OK?

'Yes love, I'm good.'

That's cos you're in love. Listen, can't talk long.

I need to ask a favour.

-Go on, then.

-'I'm planning this surprise party'

for Jake's birthday...

-'Ah!'

-..and I'm going to a potential venue tonight

to have a look around, chat with the manager, you know.

But I've told Jake I'm going to be with you.

Is that OK?

I'd love to be your alibi. What's the venue?

Zorro's. You been?

Zorro's...

Oh, yes, that sophisticated wine bar? I'm a regular there(!)

'Jake will love it.'

'I want us to go out'

for real soon. I need to hear all about Mandy.

-Mandy? No, love, I don't know anyone called Mandy.

-Oi!

'Yeah, right!'

Listen, got to go. Thanks so much. Love you.

OK, love you too. Good luck tonight. Bye.

I think you'll really like Babs.

And she's married to Jake?

They got together at Uni, second term. Great couple.

Got married two years after we graduated.

Had their ups and downs recently.

But if she's organising him a surprise birthday party.

Sounds like she's got a hot date to me.

-You what?

-That's what she's asking you to cover for.

OK, you've never met her.

So, what gives you the right to make assumptions about my mate?

Because Zorro's closed down a month ago.

You're a receptionist. You answer phones.

That is one of my many, many responsibilities, yes.

So, why on earth should I give you this job?

'Why?'

Why give it to anyone else?

I'm tolerant, easy to get on with.

I get on with people, which is what this job's about, isn't it?

What about people dumping their day on you and then blaming you for it?

-I'm a mum.

-What about pressure? Real pressure.

I can handle it, definitely.

In conclusion, I would bring a real sense of priorities.

Sadly, I feel obliged to mention that the other candidate in this process

may not be suitable.

She can be a little scattered in her thinking.

You would hardly describe her as easy to work with, would you?

-"Her"?

-Mrs Tembe. Come on, Zara, you know what she's like.

Disorganised.

That is your word not mine, Dr Carmichael, but I think it is a very good one, really.

It's just who she is. A bit of a Hitler.

Any other crippling flaws in your rival?

Well, actually, there is one more thing.

She's very focussed on her family.

A woman of the home, I believe.

"Blue and white stripy shirt, and I'll be carrying a Financial Times."

LOL.

"So this red top you're going to wear."

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

Hi, Freya.

'Babs?'

What is it?

-I just heard, love. Zorro's closed down last month.

-It can't have.

know. Bit of a shock, right?

Well, I'd better find somewhere else, then!

That is what you're doing tonight, isn't it?

-'Sorting out Jake's party?'

-Yeah.

-Are you sure?

-COMPUTER CHIMES

-There's a lot to talk about.

-I've got a couple of minutes, why don't you try me?

I'll tell you everything when I see you. I promise.

But please, if Jake asks, I'm with you tonight, yeah?

'OK, listen, love.'

You lying to Jake. That's your business. But...

'I need to know what's going on.'

COMPUTER CHIMES Trust me on this.

'Babs, I need to know why I'm lying for you, sweetheart.'

I can't tell you.

Well, then I can't help. I'm sorry.

Bye.

PHONE RINGS

Scarlet.

'Sorry, Elaine.'

There are more pressing budget requirements than ergonomic chairs.

So what happens if half the doctors are off with back pain?

-Is this all for one month?

-That's just the bare essentials.

Or RSI?

Not investing in staff wellbeing is a false economy, Karen.

-Karen. Couple of things I need add to the list.

-Oh, great.

-So can you cover all our stuff?

-No.

The chairs, Karen. What about the chairs?

Elaine, we've got chairs!

I am afraid Dr Clay and Dr Wilson have already asked for the very same Friday off.

But it's a mate's stag weekend.

-Can you not join them on the Saturday?

-No!

Mrs Tembe. Sorry. Slipped my mind earlier. Monday 18th. Morning seminar in Coventry.

But two other doctors have already asked for the same day off.

I'm already booked on it. Sorry.

That's not a seminar, Mrs Tembe. That's a jolly.

-So this stag weekend

-Excuse me.

-Yes?

Is Doctor Wilson still here? I really need to speak her.

Where are you meeting him?

Bar Samba.

6.30. I've been up front all along about being married.

Has Jake got any idea how serious things are?

I can't get through to him.

It's like he's in some sort of shell.

-What about relationship counselling?

-Freya, I just have to do something.

For my sanity.

My friends are falling in love all around me.

Look at you. It's exciting, right?

Yes.

It's mad and dangerous and...

Well, suddenly I've got butterflies in my stomach again, too.

And all I've done is talk to him online.

That's got to mean something, hasn't it?

-What kind of man deliberately goes for a married woman?

-Oh, Freya!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Babs.

Can't you see how unhappy I am?

Yes, love, and that really hurts me

but you're going to have to find another friend to lie for you.

Isn't helping a friend in need what friendship's all about?

-Jimmi, have you got a moment?

-Sure.

It's about this stock review.

I don't understand how you can prioritise all these things

and keep people happy.

That's the point. You can't.

Even if you perform miracles as practice manager, no-one appreciates it.

You get to work with all the most difficult patients. And it's not even that well paid.

Julia was a total saint. Good luck.

-Hi.

-Why aren't you at the Campus?

Because I wanted to give you this. I've found us a running schedule.

"Couch to 10k in a month"?

Got it off the internet. It's perfect.

I don't know about that

Maybe we could do a few miles this evening, just to ease ourselves into it.

-A few miles?

-Please, Jimmi, I really want us to do this.

Love you.

Right, I'm off to meet Daniel, then I'm going straight home.

Mrs Tembe? You OK?

Doctor Clay, I have to hand in the holiday roster to

Doctor Carmichael in 20 minutes,

and I am still no nearer to satisfying everyone's wishes.

-That's because it's impossible.

-Oh.

Julia once told me

that a good practice manager needs the thick skin of a politician.

Do you really want to be a politician, Mrs Tembe?

We should do this more often.

Yeah. It took me precisely four minutes to drive here.

-Looking forward to tonight, then?

-Actually, no.

Babs has got this really big night planned

and I am meant to be studying for my accreditation.

Is that why you came?

To ask me to ask her to go easy on you?

No. I wanted to tell you something.

It's not me she wants to be out with tonight.

What?

What Babs needs at the moment is some serious

pampering from her husband.

And she told you this?

Yeah, I spoke to her earlier.

She just wants to feel closer to you again.

She's really missing you.

I'm missing her too.

What should I do?

Make her an offer she can't refuse.

-In a boozer with a baby. So wrong, but so right.

-Hello, mate.

-How you doing?

-Really well. Get the pints in?

What wrong impression?

I didn't want you to think I don't rate Mrs Tembe. Because I do.

-In many ways I think she's better suited to this job than me.

-How?

When she starts something she'll always see it through to the end.

And you won't?

Well, I can get distracted by things.

That's very...honest of you.

-And she doesn't have the family stuff that sometimes get in the way.

-Right.

I don't want you to think that I don't want the job.

I just want you to have the full picture.

So you can choose right person. Cos that's what's important.

Thank you, Mrs Hollins. Mrs Tembe?

-Mrs Hollins.

-Mrs Tembe.

As I reminded Mrs Hollins, Mrs Tembe,

I will let you know either way before the end of the day.

Dr Carmichael. About Mrs Hollins.

I feel I was rather harsh earlier.

In the interest of fair play I think I should tell you

about some of her more, well, positive qualities.

Come in, Mrs Tembe.

So, you're a tedious, early middle-aged married man.

Why take the next logical step and become a partner?

So that's what this is about?

I wouldn't be asking if I didn't think you'd be brilliant.

No, I don't think so.

Come on, Jim.

Do you know how many times Julia asked me?

I love the police work.

I can't take on a partnership on top of that.

Maybe one day I will want more responsibility.

But right now all I want is a quiet life.

This is the point I'm supposed to twist your arm.

But you're right. Quiet life.

Good plan.

Listen, do you and Zara ever find it hard to keep things sparky?

We have absolutely no problems in that department.

Even with a kid.

Yeah, we're the same.

That's good. Make the most of it, though.

Other married mates say wall-to-wall sex dries up after two years.

BABY CRIES

Come on, little man.

There are one or two things only Mummy can help with.

Well, two!

Where is it?

-Do you want me to...?

-Please.

Oh, there we go.

Hello.

Not bad.

Surprise! You look great.

Thank you.

It is Freya you're seeing, isn't it?

-Yeah.

-Do you realise what today is?

-It's.....

-It's nine years and two days since our first snog. So I want to take you out.

Tonight?

Yes, tonight. To the student union.

We'll get some burger and chips, washed down with cheap, warm beer.

It'll be 2003 all over again.

You never know, might even pay by cheque.

Freya's already on her way to meet me.

I don't think she's that up for it, to be honest.

How would you know?

She came by work this afternoon.

So how about it?

Come on, I think a night out is just what we need.

It's a really sweet idea.

But I really want to see Freya tonight.

What?

We could do it tomorrow?

Yeah. OK. Right.

See you later, then.

You deserve it, really.

I feel exactly the same way about you, Mrs Hollins.

I've been tied up with patients and haven't gone through your tasks yet.

Why don't you both head home and I'll let you know in the morning?

Sorry, you did say you would decide today. I don't think I'd sleep.

-I am happy to stay as long as it takes.

-OK.

OK. Well, you'll just have to wait here.

Thank you.

What are you doing?

Making sure you're OK.

Why did you go and see Jake?

I thought it was a good idea.

Is this a good idea?

I was kind of... I was kind of hoping you'd be here with Jake.

You put him up to that.

He wants to be with you, Babs.

-Right. You could tell that.

-Yes.

Look, I need to do this, OK?

OK.

At least let me make sure you're safe.

In case Hugh's some cocktail bar slasher?

Yes! Actually. What does he look like?

Stripy shirt, carrying an FT.

There we go. He's a complete nutter.

I won't say anything, I promise.

All right. Where's Freya?

Jake! Hiya, love!

Hi.

Sorry, I was just in the loo.

Took my pint and my book in there, as well

Twice in one day, that's really nice.

Yeah. Want me to get the round in?

-Hold on! How did he know we were here?

-I didn't say anything.

She didn't. I followed you.

What?

Well, I got these vibes.

How you seemed this morning, how Freya was.

I was wrong. I'm sorry.

I'll get you both a drink, then I'll go. OK?

What?! I haven't told him about Hugh, OK?

Come on, Babs, I wouldn't do that.

Trust Jake to spoil everything!

You stupid cow!

Jake loves you.

And you love Jake, he's perfect for you.

And yet here you are, sneaking around, lying, making me sneak around lying,

you're making Jake feel like he has to stalk you.

Can you snap out of this, please?

You need to get out of there now before this Hugh comes in

and really screws up your marriage.

Come on!

Jake, let's go somewhere else.

Eh? I just got served.

Yeah...but Freya wants to go.

Er, yeah, I really don't like it here,

I much prefer the boozer over the road.

Come on, then.

What's the hurry?

Come and find us when you're ready.

Babes!

You forgot something.

Oh, no.

-Great to see you, mate.

-And you.

Listen, I'm really happy, genuinely, that you're so happy being hitched.

Well, me and Cherry, we're really, we're great, but...

this isn't about us, it's about you.

-Me?

-Yeah, you being a father and loving it.

I have to say, I'm really inspired.

Thanks, mate. I haven't really given you the whole story.

No?

No, if I'm being honest,

since this little thing landed in my life,

I don't really know who I am any more...

But...that's all right .

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

-Now you're just being soppy.

-Yes, I am. Bring it in.

See you soon.

OK, mate, take care. See ya.

She's a great liar but she's awful at deleting internet tracks.

First I found which website she'd been on.

Then I found her profile. "Married. Bored."

I just had to see how far she would take it.

So you created Hugh.

It can't have been you. Not all the time.

Sorry to disappoint you.

This morning. When you came in our room....

On the landing. In the loo. This is Hugh.

Glad you liked the photo. "A good listener, eh?"

You weirdo.

Every moment that we were online,

all I wanted was for you to say "stop".

When I asked you out earlier on, I was praying you'd say yes.

-I can't have a conversation with him anymore. This is the problem.

-You think you're a princess in a tower!

You're jealous of all your new friends in new relationships,

and you're stuck in an old one with me. Well, guess what.

Sometimes I get jealous of my friends, too.

Sometimes it kills me! But I've never doubted us.

I saw this as a point in our lives that we just get through.

But you, you clearly saw this as the end of the road.

You're right.

Maybe we shouldn't be together any more.

No listen, I don't know what you wrote, but it worked.

Sorry to get you involved in this.

Oh, come on, will you go after him, please!

-And say what?

-Whatever it takes.

Listen. Those butterflies that you've been feeling? That's Jake.

-His words have put them there, nobody else's.

-Maybe.

Look, go after him! Say you're sorry. Talk to him. Fight!

Because, believe me, what you two have got, that's worth fighting for.

I don't deserve....

No. You don't deserve me. Now go on.

I should have tried harder to talk about it.

Jake, what I did was horrible.

I'm so, so sorry.

I understand if you don't feel like forgiving me, but....

Did you plan on sleeping with Hugh?

-What?

-Oh, come on! You must have thought about it.

-That's not what this was about.

-But would you have?

-If tonight had gone well, would you have slept with him?

-Don't be stupid, Jake!

That's a yes.

Look, I've been an idiot. I screwed up.

But you can't add to my crimes intention to sleep with someone who never even existed.

You're missing the point. I want you to say "yes".

Why?

Because that would mean you'd properly fallen for me.

At least I'd have that.

What a mess.

Do you want me to sleep in the spare room?

No. I want you to go.

OK.

I'll stay with my mum.

'This is the answer phone of Dr Heston Carter.

'If you wish to leave a message please speak after the beep.'

Heston, I have absolutely no idea how to make this decision.

They are both as hopeless as each other, so please call back.

Pick up the phone, Daniel.

-'You're through to Daniel Grainger's...'

-Argh!

I'll come back for more stuff tomorrow.

I did enjoy talking to you online.

So did I.

That's pretty dark.

It was double-edged.

You made me laugh.

So did you.

CAR HORN BEEPS

Be great if you could just go back, wouldn't it?

First e-mails. Messaging.

First date.

Yeah. But you can't though, can you?

Might be worth a try, though.

-Just a thought.

-Maybe.

Call me any time. OK?

No. I might write, though.

ENGINE STARTS

So sorry to have been keeping you waiting, ladies.

But, after a rigorous, 360 degree assessment of each of you,

I can finally reveal that the winner is...

Mrs Tembe.

-I'm really sorry, Karen.

-It's OK.

There was hardly anything in it.

I'm not taking it personally, honestly. Bye!

So, Mrs Tembe. You must be thrilled.

I am certainly overwhelmed.

It's a big day for her.

I know, but it's not like she got the job for real, is it?

-Please take me home with you.

-What?

I don't want to go home with her.

I'm amazed you're so chilled out about next week.

-What about next week?

-Has anyone seen my patient, Tony Marsden?

Excuse me!

Mrs Devene, I'm really, really sorry

but your son seems to have disappeared

Well, where's he gone?

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