Dear Joe Doctors

Joe...Joe, slow down. It's only been a week.

Look at us. It's like I've been in a brawl! The wife's embarrassed to be seen out together.

I'm sure Annie's just worried about you.

I need to get it sorted. I've had two this week.

Which is a lot when you haven't had any seizures for a while.

-So what you going to do about it?

-I'm going to get you reviewed again

at the epilepsy clinic.

Is that it? All you've got?

I'll get you an appointment as soon as I can...

-Have you been listening to anything I said?

-If you'll let me finish...

No, I've told you what I'm dealing with. I can't cope with the epilepsy on top of everything else.

As I'm trying to say, there is no miracle cure...

Forget it!

KNOCKS ON DOOR

-Hey.

-Hey. I've got a patient any minute.

It was a bit rushed earlier...never got chance to ask you...

What?

-If you've done a test?

-Test?

-Oh.

-I'm pretty sure this is the first time that you can.

You've worked out the dates?

-Yeah.

-I wouldn't get your hopes up.

-The chances of me being pregnant...

-Are pretty high.

Because we've got the timing right and you're young.

Thanks. Look, Jimmy...

I know, I'm jumping the gun. Let's just wait and see.

Exactly.

Right. But you'll do a test, as soon as you're free, though?

Fine. Now go, I've got to get on.

"Dear Joe.

"If you're reading this letter, I'll have gone.

"You'll have to excuse the scrawl,

"but I need to get it all down before I lose the strength to write it.

"It's something I should have done a long time ago.

"Over the years, I've made excuses,

"given myself reasons why I never came clean.

"You were still at home,

"but there was a lot of stuff going on between me and your mum.

"Maybe that was partly to blame for what I did. I don't know."

Ah, Dr Cassidy. I am so looking forward to our lunch today.

Ah, I did wonder...

We have to leave promptly after morning surgery.

We want to have plenty of time to eat and chat to everyone.

I have made you some of those gluten free cakes you like

-to take with us.

-Really, there is no need to...

Wish somebody would make me a cake! Going anywhere nice?

I am taking Doctor Cassidy to my church for lunch.

Now, do not worry - I will save you a cake

-for when you get back from your meeting.

-Look forward to it.

-So, glad to be back?

-Yes, I think so.

Well, you look much more relaxed. I'll be back for four.

Look, I did wonder

if maybe yesterday you caught me a little off guard.

I don't think today's such a good idea.

Trust me - it will do you the world of good.

This whole Christian thing...

All we are doing is having lunch with a group of friends -

open-minded people who listen to other's problems

and perhaps offer some support.

Right.

Come on, Joe. You said you'd be home an hour ago.

I've dropped the kids off but there's still loads to do.

Are you listening?

You're OK.

There you go. Come on. Shh.

I'm here. I'm here, love. Come on.

Shh.

It's OK.

-You'll get the results in a couple of weeks.

-Thank you, bye.

What you doing?

Have you done it?

No, I've been run off my feet! It's the start of the academic year!

-You know what new students are like.

-Panic-merchants. What about now?

I have to get ready for the student Sexual Health Clinic.

That's not until half one, isn't it?

-Yes, but...

-Right, then.

Ta-da!

How you feeling?

-Phew.

-I asked you to leave this today.

-I said it was too much.

-I'm fine, I'm just tired.

-You're not fine. How is this fine?

-You're right, I know.

It's the third one in a week. You can't go on like this.

Come here.

Annie, I needed to tell you...

Joe... Joe, you're bleeding.

Have you got anything in the house, any plasters or bandages?

-I'm taking you to see Dr Carter.

-I'm not going there again.

-Joe, listen to me.

-I just need to sleep.

I know, but we need to get you looked at.

We don't have time.

Yes, we do. Come on, up you get. Come on, give me your hand.

SHE TURNS TAP ON

< Cherry?

So?

It will happen for us.

Yeah.

Don't worry, it's just that I'd kind of...built this up in my head.

This was going to be it, you know?

I'd imagined when our baby would start walking,

taking him to school...

-Jimmi, don't...

-You don't think it's going to get to you like this.

Makes you realise what couples like Daniel and Zara went through.

That's really not helping.

Sorry.

You're going to have to be more patient.

I know, I've wanted this for such a long time.

I've wanted this for so long, wanted to be a dad.

Ever since that time when we lost the baby...

Will you just give it a rest?

Sorry.

I don't need this.

I've had enough, OK?

It's never been this bad.

Losing a parent is one of the hardest things we have to deal with.

If he'd just talk about it. But he won't, just bottles it all up.

Which compounds the stress.

-Stop talking about me like I'm not in the room.

-Dr Carter's concerned.

-Are we done now?

-Are you even listening to what he's saying?

-I need to rest before the service.

-Service?

It's Stephen's cremation this afternoon. Didn't you tell him?

No, he didn't.

I'm going to get the car, bring it out the front.

Joe, why didn't you say something?

It doesn't matter.

What would you do if you found something out about someone you loved?

I'm not sure I follow.

That something made you think about all the stuff you knew about them.

What would you do then?

-I'd think about it very carefully.

-Why's that?

Because once you say something, it's very hard to take it back.

You'd let sleeping dogs lie?

-Perhaps.

-I've got to go now. You've been a big help.

-Right.

-I don't need you any more.

PHONE RINGS Hang on.

Dr Carter.

Yes, thank you very much for phoning me back.

It's not exactly a great moment.

Can I ring you back in about...? Thank you.

-Sandwich?

-I'm really not very hungry.

-Nonsense.

Mrs Parks, Miss Ellis,

this is my very good friend and colleague, Dr Cassidy.

Hello.

Hi, I'm Barbara.

Nice to meet you, Barbara.

Good to have some new faces.

-I thought I'd come along and test the water.

-We're not a bad bunch.

Try our best, you know.

Mrs Cooper is over there. I think she wants to talk to us.

-OK.

-Excuse me. Sorry.

-Is something wrong?

-No, no, everything is fine.

Barbara seems very nice.

She does, doesn't she?

Dr Carter, what's wrong? Has something happened to Joe?

-I thought he was with you.

-I went to make some tea.

-When I came back, he'd gone!

-Do you know where?

-He's taken the car.

He shouldn't even be driving. I knew today was going to be difficult,

but I've never seen Joe like this. What's going on?

-I'm not sure.

-So why are you here?

-I need to speak to him.

Why? What is it?

He left something at the surgery, to do with his dad -

I don't want to say more than that.

You think that's why he ran off?

What's that man done to him now?

-What do you mean?

-It's complicated.

Stephen never really took to Joe having epilepsy.

He always felt under pressure to live up to his dad,

like he wasn't really good enough.

-I think he's gone back to his dad's.

-Come on.

Excuse me. Ladies...

Ladies...

I think most of you have met Elaine already,

but I'd like to welcome her to the group.

Thank you.

It would be great if you could say a few words about yourself.

She has just come to listen today.

It's fine, I'm happy to speak. It's just where to start.

Erm... Well...

I'm a doctor at the Mill Health Centre.

I came to Letherbridge two years ago and it's...it's been a disaster.

Joe, talk to us.

Joe, I think Annie should read this, don't you?

I can only imagine what you're going through, especially today,

but we have to take this seriously.

Was there anything in your father's state of mind

that could explain this?

-He was dying of cancer. He wasn't in his right mind.

-Perhaps,

but the letter seems pretty lucid to me.

He didn't know what he was saying.

There are dates, details of where the girl may be buried

that the police can look into.

-They won't find anything, you'd be wasting their time.

-Let them try.

There may be DNA, something that will put your mind at rest.

I'd have known if he was capable of something like that, wouldn't I?

Oh, Joe...

You think he did it?

I don't want to...any more than you but...

You never liked him.

That's not true.

You'd always try and find an excuse not to go and see him.

Don't do this, Joe.

There was some pal of yours you had to go see. Someone more important.

No, I put in the time.

You make it sound like a prison sentence.

Well, sometimes it felt like it. I hated the way he was with you.

-The way he made you feel.

-My dad would do anything for us.

So why couldn't he talk about your epilepsy?

Why did he make you think it was your fault?

Don't come to the service.

I'd like you to go now, please.

-Joe, don't do anything...

-Both of you!

I don't know.

Maybe there's something in me

that makes me go for totally unsuitable men.

Getting involved with Ed was for all the wrong reasons, mainly sexual

and guilt, I suppose, for putting him in hospital.

Well, thank you...

Then there was Harrison.

I knew he was married.

I got far too involved, even when his pregnant wife turned up at work.

What was even worse was when I'd found out what he'd done,

that he was a murderer,

I had this need, this compulsion to be near him.

I don't know, to still have feelings for someone.

What does that make me?

Sorry, I've rattled on...

It's fine. I'm sure we can all relate, in some way.

We've all been through difficult times in our lives.

Thank you, everyone, but it is time for us to go.

Is it?

Surely you can stay a little longer?

Elaine's been very brave and courageous coming here today.

I'm sure some of us would like the chance to respond.

I, for one, have to confess

that I followed the story very closely in the papers.

I can't imagine how hard it must have been

knowing the people involved.

Yes. Yes, it was.

It's not in the same league, I know,

but recently I've become a prison visitor at Millfield.

Partly to help lonely people

but also to broaden my own horizons.

One thing I've learnt is that the biggest motivation for what they did

isn't rage or anger, but shame.

Shame at some personal weakness or flaw.

Whatever it is,

it's that vulnerability and humanity, I believe,

that can draw us to them, however brutal their crime.

Letting Harrison into your life

isn't something you should blame yourself for.

We all make mistakes.

Isn't the important thing to recognise that

and be able to forgive ourselves?

You've got the support of all of us here, if you need it.

We have to go now. You need to get back for your meeting

-before afternoon surgery.

-What meeting?

With Dr Carter - I told you this morning.

Thank you. You've all been very kind. Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Do you want to tell me what all this is about?

I think it may have something to do with me.

You were my friend

and you just stood there and let that man abuse me in my own church.

-This is about your neighbour?

-Mrs Tembe...

-Today...

today, I bring a complete stranger...

I am sorry, Dr Cassidy. ..and suddenly you cannot do enough.

If you'd just let me explain...

You have had nearly a year to explain!

I know, I've let you down.

I didn't know what to do when it happened, what to say.

I've never experienced racism before.

Well, you are very lucky.

I'm sorry.

I could have done more.

You must have realised

ignoring what happened would be really hurtful for Mrs Tembe?

Yes, and I'm ashamed of myself, truly.

I've tried to tell you, but you didn't come to church for such a long time,

and then when you did, you made it so hard. You wouldn't talk to me.

Can you blame me?

I thought, if you saw me reaching out to your friend...

I'm not saying it could ever make amends.

Isn't this what we've been talking about,

not giving yourself a hard time about the mistakes you make?

Forgiveness?

I will see you next week.

Do you know how many crank calls or letters like this we get?

I know, but just to keep my mind at rest.

I'll be with you in a minute.

-Hmm.

-What?

-There is an entry here under that name.

-Natalie Hayward?

-Reported missing.

What else does it say?

Suspected runaway, looks like the boyfriend was interviewed,

said they'd had a fight.

-She said she wasn't going to come back. Interesting.

-What?

Still got some of her clothing in an evidence locker at HQ.

It's hard to tell from this photo, could be a cardigan.

Is it usual to keep things in a missing persons case?

Must have been some doubt, I suppose. There's a date in here.

Third of May, 1982.

-That's when she was last seen. Let me speak to MIU.

-What will they do?

I imagine they'll get forensics to take another look at the cardigan.

We'll need a DNA sample from either the father or the son, as well.

I'm not sure Joe will be willing.

-Best evidence would be from the father anyway.

-He's going to be cremated in less than an hour.

Better get our skates on then.

Don't worry, it probably won't come to that.

We just need something that belonged to him, that's all.

You said Joe Arnold found this when he was sorting through the house?

Yes, but he's kept some of his father's stuff.

I'll get someone down.

Well, thank you for that. It was, um...

Please, do not try to be kind to me.

I have been searching and searching my conscience about what I did.

It's understandable, the incident with that man must have been...

It is not that.

I was more concerned about myself

than trying to help a friend in need. I feel so ashamed.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

How am I ever going to show my face at church again?

Go with your head held high.

Maybe you will come also?

Ah, you know...

I don't think either of us can handle a return appearance.

Most weekends I'd play football.

Our team were rubbish but Dad would always come, whatever the weather.

I remember one match, we lost 8-0.

I was crying, but Dad somehow convinced us

that next time I'd score a hat trick.

Of course I didn't, but it was there in me mind that I could do it.

DOOR OPENS

That's what he gave us.

Remember Joe's in a very fragile state right now.

This is serious, Doc. The officers who went round to the house,

reckon he deliberately burnt those things.

I don't think anything he's doing is rational.

Maybe not, but he's left us no choice.

I know you all loved him, knew him well, and he's in our hearts.

We'll always remember you, Stephen Arnold.

May you...

May you rest in...

Turn it off.

I can't do this.

My dad once let slip that my epilepsy felt like a curse on him.

I didn't understand at the time,

thought it was me to blame,

that I was broken, somehow.

I didn't know,

but my seizures started after my dad...

raped and murdered a young girl.

All those nights sat awake with him...

I thought it was the cancer eating away at him.

He had something to be punished for.

Maybe if he'd...admitted what he'd done...

..maybe I would have respected him...

believed that he was sorry for it.

How was your lunch?

Eventful.

Clash of the twinsets?

I think Mrs Tembe may have forgotten to bring you that cake.

I'll live. So how are you? How's the rest of the day?

OK.

No second thoughts?

If you need me to lighten your load, just say the word.

My word is your command.

It's important that all the staff are supported.

I've got a few ideas I'd like to run by you.

Would you like to meet up?

Sure.

I'm a bit pushed all day tomorrow.

How about tomorrow evening, after surgery?

Yes, that's good.

Well, I'll leave you to it.

A mountain of paperwork.

Are you OK?

You did the right thing.

I'm sorry.

It was my fault. I should never have brought all that stuff up.

None of it is even important now.

All that's important is you and me and how much we want this baby.

Yeah.

Which is why I've been thinking ways to make things easier,

so we don't have to go through the same disappointment

month after month.

Like what?

I found this chart online.

If we take your basal body temperature every day,

we'll know exactly when you're ovulating.

-Right.

-If in two to three months you're not pregnant,

then I can book myself in for a sperm test.

Plenty of men get problems as they get older.

Sounds like a plan.

Yeah. And the best thing is, it takes the pressure off you.

See you later.

'Dear Lord, I ask you for forgiveness.

'I have sinned.

'I have not been the person I wanted to be,

'and I am ashamed of my behaviour.

'I failed to see the good in others.

'I condemned them when I should have understood.'

I was quick to judge when I myself was wanting.

I was proud when I should have been humble.

And I am so, so sorry.

'I need your guidance to show me the way again.

'Lord help me to leave the past behind

'and give me the strength to carry on.

'Amen.'

I don't want to bank online.

I want to talk to a human being!

Which one?

Which one what?

I can't decide.

PIE.

Sorry?

P I E, Proximity, Immediacy, Expectancy.

I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions.

Is that what they teach you do in medical school?

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