Faith Doctors

I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting anyone to be here.

No! Please, Mr Robson, do not go.

No, I should leave you in peace.

The only way I will find peace is if you allow me to welcome you in.

After yesterday.

You probably had the right idea.

Yeah, well, I will be the judge of that.

So how are you feeling?

More fortunate than I deserve.

But hopefully, glad to be alive?

That's why I'm here. To give thanks and ask forgiveness.

I am intruding in your prayers.

Of all the people I could have met here today, it had to be you,

guiding me back over the threshold.

Do you think this could be a sign?

It is not for me to say.

But I am glad that you think so.

Now - are those a willing pair of hands?

I'm not sure what you mean.

It's just that Reverend Marchant is holding

a children's painting competition for the Feast of Ascension.

Looks like he's having fun.

Indeed.

Our job will be to display them on the board.

If you are willing to help?

Of course.

Er, right.

Just here?

Going out for a sandwich. Want anything?

No. I'm out this afternoon.

Whoa, Luscious Lace! You dirty little girl!

Get lost!

No prizes for guessing what Karen's got planned.

They're at it like rabbits.

Go on, put it on - and I'll give you my expert opinion.

-Give you a laugh, you mean.

-Don't worry, I'll be sensitive.

Why would you need to be sensitive?

No, I didn't mean... I'm only messing.

I don't want to see you in it.

Like, you'd rather stick needles in your eyes?

No! I'm sure you'd look...

It's private...between you and Rob.

Yeah, well, you're missing a treat.

No, I don't think we can reduce it that far.

Can you just give me a moment, please?

I was hoping for a quick chat about breast-feeding.

I've got the Chair of the CCG on the other end of the line.

-Say hi for me.

-I don't think it's a good time to talk about that.

Um, sorry, sir. No, not you.

I was just talking to one of my colleagues about her breast-feeding.

It's a breast-feeding course.

I'll leave you to it.

Yeah!

Well, a job well done.

Here.

It was left over in the vestry.

From Easter Sunday.

To keep?

That depends. Turn it over.

You may wish to eat the little chocolate egg inside.

Thank you.

The ladies of the church made them for the children.

Perhaps I should not say, but some are better knitters than others.

Is this one of yours?

As a matter of fact, yes.

I thought so. It's perfect.

I'm the one who should be giving you gifts.

No. Not at all.

I wanted to jump.

But you didn't.

Thanks to you.

In the end, it was your choice.

And a brave one.

Life is the greatest gift of all, but sometimes it can present us

with challenges that are hard to overcome.

I am so sorry - I need to be getting back to afternoon surgery.

Is there a problem?

No.

Perhaps you would be kind enough to walk me to my bus stop?

Of course.

POP MUSIC ON RADIO

HE TURNS VOLUME DOWN

Karen, is that you?

HE TURNS RADIO UP

There are so many things I wanted to tell you.

You are under no pressure to say anything.

I do not wish you to feel uncomfortable.

Oh, no. It's not you.

The truth is, I even find passing the time of day difficult.

When I was a kid, there was an old lady lived up our street.

She'd stand on her doorstep and call out to people passing by.

"Beautiful day, isn't it?" or "Terrible weather."

She hoped they'd stop and strike up a conversation.

My mother would cross the road to avoid her.

So sad.

I wish I could go back and tell that lady I understand.

I doubt she'd want to talk to me.

You are much too hard on yourself.

I suppose you would find such isolation hard to imagine?

-Why would you think that?

-You've probably got lots of friends.

I know how it feels to be an outsider.

The other day, I was invited to a party.

They were selling articles that were beyond my comprehension.

I will not embarrass you with the details.

But I had no choice but to stick to my principles.

I am afraid it set me aside from my colleagues.

They think I am a prude,

where yes, I...I have principles.

I have embarrassed you.

Not at all. You are obviously a very strong-minded woman.

-I'm not worthy of your company.

-No, not at all.

I think we should leave things here.

Are you sure I cannot help you?

You've done your bit. The rest is down to me.

Mr Robson!

Please.

May I have your telephone number?

You don't give in, do you?

Please. You can write it in here.

I will give it to Reverend Marchant and she will phone you.

Ah, I see.

Look, if it's all the same to you,

I'd rather you didn't get the vicar involved.

OK?

MUSIC: "Faith" by George Michael

# Oh, I guess it would be nice, dee-dee-dee... your body... #

HE HUMS

Karen, what are you playing at?

What do you think?

Very nice.

Mr Robson!

-Mr Robson!

-Mrs Tembe!

Why did you dash away?

Have I offended you?

No. But I could very well offend you.

I do not think so.

The man I see before me is sensitive and God-fearing.

Nothing you can say will change my opinion of that.

Let's cut through the cemetery.

Why?

It'll be quicker.

No, I think the road is a much more direct route.

Mr Robson!

You've been a bad boy, Robert Hollins.

And I'm going to have to punish you very, very hard.

Argh! My back!

-Oh, dear. My back!

-I haven't started yet.

A little bird tells me you're very ticklish round your...

-Argh! It hurts! It really hurts.

-I'm not that heavy!

No, I know you're not, but honestly - I've done my back in.

I have. So please, help me up and take these cuffs off.

And get the Deep Heat from the bathroom cabinet.

Oh, dear.

One of the homes I was in as a kid was here, in Letherbridge.

It was my favourite, of all of them.

I'd meet my mates here and we'd play this game like a chase game.

You couldn't be caught if your feet were off the ground.

So you'd hoist yourself up onto a wall

or you'd hoist yourself onto a gravestone.

And then one day

I found a gravestone of someone with the same surname as me.

And I started thinking maybe there's a rich relative out there

that's just going to turn up one day and adopt me.

It's over here somewhere, I think.

Wait!

Here it is.

P-p-please! Please. I can see that you are nervous.

But there is no need to be.

Whatever you did in the past matters less than who you are now.

I went to prison.

So, you have served your sentence.

What was your crime?

I can't...

You will feel better if you get it off your chest.

I raped a woman.

But you led me to believe you were a decent man.

No, I didn't. That was your own perception.

You should have been honest with me from the start.

Better still, I should have jumped.

To think I could have brought you into our church community.

Oh!

No, Don't! Don't.

Mrs Tembe!

Is now OK?

You have my full attention.

OK. Since taking on this breast-feeding initiative,

I have realised how ill-equipped I am to help women

with their specific breast-feeding needs.

Breast-feeding one's own child

doesn't necessarily make one an expert,

so what hope do our childless colleagues have of empathising?

GPs and practice nurses simply don't have the skill set required,

and our patients are getting conflicting advice...

You're not even listening to me!

What time do you make it?

Just after four.

Sorry, we're going to have to do this later.

SHE SIGHS

KNOCKING AT DOOR

-KNOCKING CONTINUES

-Am I missing something here?

Mrs Tembe did say she'd be here for afternoon surgery?

-Yeah, definitely.

-All right.

There you go, sorry about that. Please come in. Take a seat.

-Thank you.

-Sorry.

Well, we're going to have to man the fort without her.

Howard, Mrs Tembe is never late.

Yes, well, everybody's late some time. Please take a seat.

Don't you think you should phone her and find out what's going on?

She'll be on her way.

SHE GASPS AND PANTS

-Mrs Tembe!

-SHE SCREAMS

SHE WINCES IN PAIN

Mrs Tembe?

Mrs Tembe?!

PHONE RINGS

PHONE BEEPS, RINGING STOPS

It's gone to voicemail.

Mrs Tembe, this is Howard.

Can you call me back, please? Tell me where you are?

-Thank you.

-Great(!)

How are you fixed for reception duty?

Oh, no, I've got half an hour, and then I'm booked solid.

Well, that'll tide us over. Thank you, Mandy.

Howard, what if she doesn't turn up?

I'll cross that bridge.

Oh, please, please, leave me alone!

I only want to help you!

You're the last person in the world I would hurt!

And what about that poor woman?!

Did she deserve to be hurt?

No, of course not!

No punishment is severe enough for me!

I don't expect forgiveness! I don't deserve it!

Please...

please stop shouting.

Oh, I'm so, so sorry.

It's not because I'm angry.

If you don't trust me, who else is going to?

I have to go.

Will you be all right by yourself?

I will take my chances. I-I have to go.

ROB GROANS

No, you're rubbing a bit too hard, love.

Let's make that do for now, eh?

Yeah, it's good stuff, this. Should do the trick.

My hands stink.

Er, yeah, do you want to just take a seat, Mrs Dee? Thank you.

Oh, Mrs Tembe! Am I glad to see you!

Are you all right?

Really, it's all about training. There's an online Unicef course...

You're not listening again!

I'm sorry, but the half hour's nearly up.

-What half hour?

-Mrs Tembe might be missing.

Don't be ridiculous.

The woman's allowed to be late once in a while.

KNOCK AT DOOR

-She's just come in.

-Ah, what a relief!

There we go, then. Back to the topic in hand.

She's had a bit of a fall, though, and I need to fix her knee,

so can you take over reception?

-Of course.

-Cheers, Howard.

Sorry, Zara, but needs must when the devil drives.

-I've been completely wasting my time, haven't I?

-Not at all.

You're doing a great job. If you want to do the Unicef course,

then it's all yours. No problem.

No, I... Howard!

-MRS TEMBE WINCES

-How on earth did you do this?

-Er...

I was, er, I was running...

-..for the bus. It was foolish.

-Yeah!

Especially when there's usually another one ten minutes later!

Are you sure you're all right?

I am just a little shaky from the fall.

I'm fine. Please.

HE TAPS FURIOUSLY AT KEYBOARD

This was a perfectly good appointment booking system

before people started messing with it.

A bad workman always blames his tools. Mr Hardcastle?

Far too smart for his own good, that boy.

Well observed. And that brings me conveniently to the initiative.

I've already said you can go on the course.

I need you to be more hands on.

I'm the practice manager. I deal with figures, not...

breasts and their functions. And in view of recent publicity...

Relax.

I need you to shell out some funding.

-There are some courses available...

-Which you'd like to go on?

-Of course. But not just me.

-Well, who, then?

The most unlikely person... Apart from you, that is.

-Kevin?

-I'm glad we're on the same page.

-You've got to be kidding?

-Not at all.

He's a young, non-parent male who knows little about the subject,

and would benefit greatly from the training.

I'd like to be a fly on the wall when you give him the news.

Ah, but that is where you come into your own,

because nobody can motivate quite like you.

Hmm, even I have my limitations.

Don't be so modest. You are the Training Tsar.

Under your guidance, staff discover potential they never knew they had.

-Really?

-Without a doubt.

Kevin will thank you one day for this exciting opportunity.

-SOFTLY:

-Yeah.

I thought you'd gone. I was getting worried about you.

Thought I might as well get changed while I was up there.

Come here.

I'm sorry I spoilt your surprise.

It's all right.

See, the thing is, I was knackered already,

because one of the lads didn't turn up at work last night,

and I was landed with an extra shift.

Never mind.

You need to wind down.

-Hmm.

-Close your eyes.

Ooh, that tickles!

Well, if you like that, you're going to love this...

Whoa, hang on!

-What's up now?

-I've just remembered the shepherd's pie.

Er, pop it in the oven for me, will you? I don't know about you,

but if I eat late at night these days, I get terrible heartburn.

Right.

HE SIGHS

SHE SIGHS

It needs sticking in the oven till it's brown on the top.

-STRAINED:

-OK!

Mrs Tembe, are you still upset about that party at Emma's?

Please, I do not want to talk about it.

No, fair enough. I understand.

So, erm, what's happening at the church at the moment?

Nurse Marquez, I know you are trying to be kind,

but there's no need to pretend to be interested.

I'm not! Honestly.

I mean, things must be a bit quieter now Easter's over?

No. We are celebrating the 40 days

after Our Lord reappears to his disciples,

before ascending to Heaven.

Some of us believe Ascension is our most important festival.

Why's that?

Because it...

it helps us to banish doubt, to believe with all our hearts.

We learn to trust...

..and forgive...

..and take care of others.

Your faith must be a real comfort to you, Mrs Tembe.

Faith is a great commitment.

It doesn't necessarily make life easy.

Right, there you go.

That should make you more comfortable.

Thank you for your care, Nurse Marquez.

QUIZ SHOW PLAYS ON TV

Oh, just go home!

This idiot on here doesn't even know who Dusty Springfield is!

Can you credit that?

Have you seen it before?

No.

It's actually not bad, as quizzes go.

-Where's yours?

-I'm not hungry.

Ah, that's a shame.

I've put curry powder in it and everything.

I got the recipe from what's-his-face. Come here.

-Have a try, see what you think.

-I said, I'm not hungry.

What's up?

-KAREN SIGHS

-Just eat your tea.

You'll probably want an early night, being so tired.

Come on, love. I said I was sorry.

Yeah, you did.

And I think I've got the solution to the problem.

I've been working on all these spreadsheets.

You need to get out more.

You see, I think my job has taken over my life.

Well, our life, today being a prime example.

So I think I should pack it in.

You can't afford to.

Yeah, take early retirement. Lots of bobbies do it.

It'll take all the strain off it. We'll have loads more time together.

-To do what?

-Well, anything you want. Holidays.

-What?

Take a coach trip and stop off somewhere for a flippin' cream tea

and a quick game of bingo?

Now you're being childish.

And you're being an old codger.

-I'm going.

-I have been very tolerant. This is way out of order!

Oh, stick your tolerance up your jacksy!

-Karen, what is it that you want from me?

-You have to ask?

All right, OK, I admit it's not been very romantic...

Huh! It wasn't romance that I was after.

-Well, what, then?

-Sex!

Oh.

So that's your level.

-My level?!

-And there's no need to shout!

-SHOUTS:

-What, are you worried about the neighbours?!

SHE GROANS

I've forgotten all the times that we've had sex together.

It's long gone!

This is - WAS - special.

This is - WAS...

It was new, and exciting, and special,

and today was meant to be FUN!

You've forgotten what that means.

And maybe I'm finding it a bit of a strain

being a boyfriend all over again!

I just want to slob out like we used to.

-It's called "giving up".

-I have never given up on you!

Giving in, then.

What are you going to be like when you're retired?

-I'm not stopping around to find out!

-Karen, come back!

HE GROANS

I suppose me making a cup of tea is a bit of a shock.

No, not at all.

It is a very kind gesture, thank you.

Well, just as long as you're all right.

You are all right, aren't you?

Yes. Yes, I am fine.

I am so sorry I was late. I will make the time up.

-No need.

-No, no, I insist. It was my fault.

If only everybody was as conscientious as you.

PHONE RINGS

Mrs Tembe?

How did you know it was me?

Wishful thinking, I suppose.

I just...

wanted to call and apologise.

'I am deeply ashamed of myself.'

You're ashamed? No, no,

you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

Well, I disagree.

I broke my promise, and ran away.

Well... I don't blame you.

Look, I-I'm used to it.

Are you still there?

Er, I just wondered whether you care to meet up tomorrow?

Seriously?

We need to sit and discuss this calmly.

I owe you that much.

Mrs Tembe, are you sure?

There is a condition.

You must tell me everything.

'Is this acceptable?'

Yes.

Well, I, er... I will ring you again with some arrangements.

Thank you.

-You're so rude!

-Who said he could stay the night?

-Mum, we've been together for ages.

-Huh! A month.

-Come on, get in.

-What for?

-Fun, why do you think?

-What, like yesterday?

-What's this?

-What?

I thought you were going to use this.

Well, it doesn't matter. You're on the pill, aren't you?

It's not as though I had a knife or anything.

I didn't set out to hurt her.

How can you say that?!