A Thousand Words Doctors

Me again.

Guess you want an update.

Well, finished watching the

first series of Breaking Bad.

The guy in it, Walt, gets diagnosed then boom!

He starts cooking crystal meth, becomes Mr Big.

Everybody respects him.

Bet he wouldn't have got away with that if he lived in Letherbridge.

Downloaded some new games. Nothing worth mentioning.

Just the same old stuff I've played a thousand times before.

Come on, developers, sort it out!

Heard back from the hospital. Not good news.

Seems I'm going downhill.

Sometimes it's like I can feel it inside me.

The cancer.

Growing, spreading until it's all that's left.

Like I just disappear completely.

Thank you for all your donations.

They're still coming in, even now,

three months after I started doing this.

But you may as well stop.

I'm never going to get to America, never going to have the operation.

I'm afraid we've left it too late.

KNOCK ON DOOR

I was hoping to catch you before morning surgery starts.

It's your lucky day.

I need to talk to you about appointment times.

What's this?

It's the Time Resources Index Comparison Matrix.

Ah.

What's that then?

It's the Time/Resources...

I got that. What does it mean?

It means you're taking too long with your patients.

I take as long as I think is required.

So do the others,

but their consultations take considerably less than yours.

Even Heston rattles along at a greyhound's pace in comparison.

The rules about appointment lengths have changed.

Well, OK, the NHS no longer insist on ten-minute consultation times.

But I do.

If a patient has a complex problem...

Yes, it takes longer. Yes, I agree.

But most consultations are not complex, they're just coughs,

colds and high temperatures.

The other doctors manage to see their patients in the allotted time.

I would appreciate it if you would do the same. OK?

KETTLE WHISTLES

-Morning.

-Mmm.

No, wait! Wait.

What?

We're going to wait for your mother and your sister.

We're going to eat breakfast together.

You are kidding.

You're the one who keeps reminding us that we should be

acting like a proper family.

So, this is all part of that.

-Ryan?

-What?

We need to go soon. Are you ready?

I don't want to go. I'm sick of them.

It won't take long.

Is that new?

Allowed to enjoy myself, aren't I?

How did you get the money?

Dad bought it for me.

He shouldn't keep doing that.

Why not? He just wants me to be happy.

Get your shoes on, we're going.

What are you doing?

Building a spaceship. What does it look like?

This is ridiculous. I'm starving.

A few more minutes won't kill you.

They could be hours.

-Good morning, Imogen.

-Mmm.

When did you all stop speaking English?

Ooh, cheers.

-Hey!

-I have to have this one.

It's the only one with an ethical supply chain.

You just made that up.

What? You can have something else!

You don't care whose blood gets spilt

bringing your food to the table.

If you wanted the last bowl,

then you should have crawled out of bed earlier.

-I've been up for hours working.

-Yeah, right.

-Just let her have it.

-Thank you.

You can't eat it yet.

He's right. We're waiting.

What for? A rainy day?

So we can all eat together like civilised people.

When did this place turn into Downton Abbey?

-Morning.

-Morning, love. You all right?

Has anybody seen my perfume? I can't find it.

Ask the policeman.

Just eat.

So what are we going to do today?

What did you have in mind?

I don't know. The Sea Life Centre?

Cadbury World?

Jeez, it's just Mum who's regressed, not us.

I'm sure we'll find something that we all want to do.

So I've been going through the notes to try and get up to speed.

Doctor Khella advised us that we

should come in to review how things were going after six months.

-And have you noticed any side effects?

-No.

Do you feel they've been helping?

It's all right to talk to the doctor.

I've got nothing to say.

How long have you been suffering with depression?

I separated from Ryan's father two years ago.

It's been a difficult time for the both of us.

How about your friends? Are they supportive?

Yes.

Those people on the internet aren't real friends.

Yes, they are.

I think the doctor means friends you actually see.

-People at school.

-Losers.

Since Ryan's been taking the tablets, he seems to have been coping a bit better.

Well, anti-depressants are one way of helping with the symptoms,

but it's important to deal with the cause of depression.

Have you been to see a counsellor?

I'm not mental.

Neither are most people who go and see a counsellor.

They're just there to help you deal with any issues you might be

struggling with.

Will they come to school?

Help keep the others off my back?

No, but they...

Then they can't do anything useful. So just leave me alone.

MUSIC PLAYS ON TV

SHE CHANGES CHANNEL

-Hey!

-I'm not listening to that rubbish.

MUSIC PLAYS

Jack!

How did you do that?

Magic.

Jack can control the telly with his phone.

We were watching that.

For pity's sake!

I bet you haven't got an app that can plug it back in.

Right, let's plan a trip, or play a game, or something.

I'm not playing cards again, you cheat.

Only to keep you on your toes. What about a board game?

-A board game?

-Trivial Pursuit.

See if you've learnt any knowledge while you've been away.

-Oh, will I know any of the answers?

-Monopoly.

I've not got time for games. I've got things to do.

-What things?

-Important things.

This is important.

What, playing Twister?

Immie!

-Jack!

-Immie, please, just come back downstairs.

What is the point?

We've got to give this a chance.

We can...

still do something together.

What? Playing happy families? It's ridiculous.

I don't know what else to do.

Don't you want them to be together?

How can you even ask me that?

I've got work to do.

Immie, you can't just hide... Immie?

So, if there's anything else you need, please do get in contact.

Thank you.

It's you, isn't it? I've seen your vlog.

His what?

I just want to say, I think it's incredible how you've coped.

An inspiration.

Mr Chapman? This way, please.

What was that man talking about? What's a... trog?

-Vlog. Video blog.

-And you do one of these?

Are you going to open the door?

Is it about your depression?

-Just take a seat.

-Thanks.

I'm sorry, I hope I didn't embarrass him.

It's just, I really admire what he's doing.

I'm sorry, I can't discuss my other patients.

Of course. Sorry.

It's just, when someone that age gets cancer...

I mean if I was that age, I don't think I'd have been able to cope.

Just got back from the doctor's. Had this new, Irish one.

She had my test results back, said they were hopeless.

The cancer has won. I haven't got long left now.

So thank you, all of you who have stuck with me

since I started doing this.

Goodbye.

I'm sorry, I didn't boil enough water.

It's all right, she can have mine. I'm in no rush.

Didn't boil enough for you either.

I don't want tea.

How much of a patient's life is our business as doctors?

I'm going to tell you one of my pet hates.

When someone has something quite specific that they want to say,

but they dress it up like it's just some kind of casual observation.

-Oh.

-Shall we start again, please?

One of my patients is posting videos on the internet,

pretending that he has cancer.

That's terrible.

He's just going to be some loser looking for attention, isn't he?

He's 15.

When I was 15, I was at the zenith of my career as an attention-seeking loser.

It was only in later years I matured into the soave,

sophisticate you see thusly presented before you.

Has he told you why he did it?

One of my patients recognised him. Gave me the web address.

I don't know what to do.

Maybe you should speak to his parents.

No! Don't tell his parents unless you never want him

to trust another authority figure in his life.

I don't want to make things worse.

Technically speaking it's not really a medical issue, is it?

He doesn't actually have cancer.

No, but it could be a mental health issue

and if that's the case, then it is your business.

He does have depression.

Then you need to speak to him and find out why he did it.

I'm going to put a tenner on it being because nobody loves him.

Oh, you are all heart.

Look, he's a teenager.

When you're a teenager, everything is the end of the world, and with the internet they

have the ability to shout their woes to anybody stupid enough to listen.

There also might be a genuine problem.

If we chased up everybody who balled their eyes out on the internet,

we would never get anything done.

You need to speak to him.

Do not waste your time.

Thanks, guys, that's...

that's really helpful. So...

great.

Immie? Have you seen my T-shirt? The Police one.

Oi! What are you doing in here?

-I did knock.

-Get out!

-What is this?

It's not finished yet. Will you get out?

All right, you two, keep the noise down.

What on earth is that?

Her latest artwork.

Really?

Well, I won't pretend to understand it.

Big surprise there.

This is Mum's stuff.

You can look at it when it's ready. Will you both please just go away?

So, as usual, you've taken the hell we've been through,

and you've turned it into a piece of cheap tat.

Just because you've got no soul, doesn't mean that it's rubbish.

It's about the transient nature of identity,

the materialistic basis of what makes us human.

Or it's poncy nonsense.

You don't even try to understand.

Come on, Im, calm down.

You're no better.

This artwork, it's nice.

Nice?! It's meaningful.

No, this is just you exploiting what's happened to us again!

It's all I've got!

It's how I'm dealing with this stupid situation.

I can't grieve for her because she's not dead.

But she might as well be, because that woman, the one who brought us up,

-our mum, she did die.

-Im...

And now all we've got left is some confused woman who looks like her.

I didn't mean...

Good work, kid.

Karen, wait, love.

No, just wait, love, please. Karen, Karen! Wait! Please, wait!

It'll be all right.

Come on.

Come on, sit down.

I think it's true.

I think I am someone new,

and I don't know what any of you want from me.

Just for you to be yourself.

(When I find out who that is, I'll let you know.)

(OK.)

Did I used to like your artwork?

You were proud. Supportive.

Not sure you really understood any of it though.

How did we ever have such an arty daughter?

I really don't know.

-Have you got a tissue?

-Er, yeah.

Will you explain it to me?

It's not finished yet.

But if you want, yes.

Hello again.

I was just making some house calls, and I realised something.

I forgot to take Ryan's blood pressure earlier.

-Oh.

-It's just a formality,

but with the medication he's on, it's best to be sure.

So, I was wondering, as I'm passing, could I see him and just do it now?

-Save you having to come in again.

-Of course.

-Thank you.

He's in his room.

I'm all right on my own, if that's OK?

Sometimes patient's blood pressure shoots up

if there's people crowding around.

Oh. OK. First door on the left.

Thanks.

-Doctor?

-Yes?

Will he be all right?

He's so secretive.

I try and help him, but everything I do seems to be wrong.

He's depressed and on tablets at 15.

I can't have done a very good job.

Teenagers are under so much pressure nowadays.

They grow up so quickly because they have to.

It can be a strain.

He won't even eat with me.

He wants all his meals upstairs, alone.

He may take it out on you, but that doesn't mean it's your fault.

I'm not sure I believe you, but, thank you.

KNOCK ON DOOR

What do you want?

We need to talk.

I'm busy.

I've been watching your little show on the internet.

Are these things mine?

Yes. They're from before the...

Before.

Did I wear that?

Only sometimes.

Dad bought you some when you went on holiday once,

not long after you'd met.

You pretended that you liked it, so he kept buying you more.

It became a bit of a family joke.

-And this is me now?

-Yeah.

-So that's where it was.

-Sorry.

-Don't be.

So, it's about who I am.

About who we all are. Our identity.

And how easily we can lose it.

When it spins, the person's identity gets confused.

Until they don't know who they are any more.

Don't.

It might help your depression

if you didn't lock yourself away in the dark so much.

I'll go for a walk then.

Now, will you leave me alone?

Why did you do it?

I want more than that.

There's patients I see who actually have an illness like this,

who don't know if they're going to live or die.

So I want to know why you think you can make a mockery of them?

It was just something to do.

Was it for the money or the attention?

Have you told my mum?

Not yet. I wanted to speak to you first.

What do you expect me to tell you?

That I like the fact that complete strangers pay me

more attention than anyone in the real world ever has?

-That's true.

-But you know it's wrong.

Everyone thinks I'm fighting something

I can't possibly win against.

-It's inspirational.

-It's sick.

That's your opinion.

-You have to stop it. Admit what you've done.

-No.

I'm giving you a get out of jail free card here. Take it.

Go on, then, tell my mum. See if I care.

Fine.

All right!

How long do you think they'll be?

Could be hours.

You know what Immie's like when she gets going.

Yeah.

It's good having the pair of you back.

Just like old times.

But it's not though, is it?

No, but it could be. Eventually.

You think you and Mum will ever get back together properly?

It's complicated.

-Dad...

-It's up to your mother.

But I hope so. I really do.

Is that all the money you took?

-I spent some of it.

-How much?

How much was all that?

A lot. And they're rubbish anyway.

I thought they'd be fun, but after a while they're just things.

You could sell them.

Then Mum would know there was something wrong.

Just transfer the money.

Well, that's a start.

I gave the money to charity. That was the deal.

No, it's part of the deal.

You're going to apologise to all those people who've put their faith in you.

They'll hate me.

They're not your real friends.

Nobody here cares if I live or die.

What about your mum?

She's an idiot.

She's your mother!

I know you think you're alone, but you're not.

You've got to let people in.

Easy for you to say.

It's not easy. But you could give her a chance.

-Spend some time with her.

-KNOCK ON DOOR

Is it all right to come in?

You won't say anything?

Come in.

-Everything all right?

-His blood pressure is fine.

I knew it would be, but it's good to keep an eye on these things, you know?

It's nice that you care. Was there anything else?

Mum, I thought I'd have dinner downstairs tonight.

Oh! I mean good.

He always wants it on a tray up here.

Not tonight.

I'll get my things.

So did you think of all those ideas yourself?

Yeah, of course.

The girl's a genius!

Yeah, she is good.

Like you'd know.

Thanks.

It's not just about me, it's about all of us.

And she's done it all with a whirly-ma-jig thing.

It'll look better when it's finished.

What are you going to do with it? Put it in a gallery?

I don't know.

I just wanted you to see it.

-She should do something with it, shouldn't she?

-Yes.

If that's what you want, then you go for it.

-How good of you to join us.

-Something came up.

Well, in your absence, the other doctors have had to

cram in your patients on top of theirs.

So, well done, you've not only failed to meet your own targets,

but you've messed other people's up as well!

-Good work.

-Howard!

It's nearly done.

If you want to sit down, I've done us some starters.

-I'll have mine in my room.

-Oh.

Right.

I'm sorry for what I did. I wasn't thinking straight.

I can't trace the money back to all of you,

but I have given the donations to charity.

I'm sorry.

I am so sorry.

I thought you'd done a runner.

I went to see that patient I told you about.

Took longer than expected.

I think I messed up Howard's space, time dimension chart thing.

Did you get it all sorted?

Yeah, I think so.

No more creepy videos?

No, he's come clean.

And he's told his virtual friends what he was doing.

So now he's got no friends left what so ever?

Give me a break!

He's going to make more of an effort with his mum, so that's something.

That sounds like a good day's work.

Yeah. I think I made a difference.

Isn't that why we do the job?

Hell no, I'm in this for the fast cars and loose women.

You know what?

What?

We've got some great kids.

Yeah, we really do.

Have you started wearing your old perfume again?

Thought I'd give it a go.

You know you always loved that perfume.

No, I didn't. Immie told me.

Oh, did she? Oh, well, worth a try.

-Love?

-Mmm?

Do you fancy sleeping in my... in our room tonight?

I don't know. The kids...

Aren't kids any more.

Yes, I would.

Good.

Shall we take a drink up with us?

What have you got?

More wine.

MUSIC: "She's Got A Way" by Billy Joel

# And I find the strength To keep on goin'

# She's got a light around her

# And ev'rywhere she goes

# A million dreams of love surround her ev'rywhere... #

Love?

Love?

# She touches me and I get turned around

# She's got a smile That heals me... #

(Night, sweetheart.)

# But I have to laugh when she Reveals me

# She's got a way about her

# I don't know what it is

# But I know that I can't live Without her anyway. #

Come out, little piggy!

I'll huff and I'll puff!

Shouldn't let 'em live near

normal people, should they?

It's out of order.

We're re-bonding. I thought that's what we all wanted?

Yes, I know that, but I didn't expect to be stuck in here all week,

keeping the wheels on.

This is my lovely new doctor.

Your grandmother's told me a lot about you.

Yeah?