Pieces of String Too Short For Use Doctors

CLOCK TICKS

SHE STRAINS

SHE GROANS

VASE SMASHES

SHE GASPS

SHE CRIES OUT

-HE GASPS

-Someone's jumpy.

I wasn't expecting anyone.

I think we're the only ones in. House calls today?

Yes, but I woke early, I thought

I'd come in and knock off some paperwork.

Blasted bin men woke me.

-Hello.

-Hi, you must be Josh.

-Yes, sorry I...

-Claire.

-I thought Mrs Barker was on today.

-She has some kind of stomach bug.

-Will I do?

-Erm, yes. Let me.

-Thanks, you don't have to.

-I'm sure you've got lots of your own prep.

-Nothing that can't wait.

Sorry!

Hello, hello... VOICE DISTORTS

Hello. Hello! SHE LAUGHS

ROBOTIC VOICE I am a lonely robot...in the Mill!

I am your father... I am a lonely robot.

Nobody wants to play with me.

SHE LAUGHS

Call me! Signing off. Roger that.

Stop it. Stop it.

She's out of your league, mate.

DOORBELL RINGS

HE RINGS THE DOORBELL

FRYING PAN SIZZLES

-MUSIC PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND

-Is table three ready?

The scrambled eggs?

She's in a hurry, not that she mentioned it when she ordered.

Nearly there. Holding for bacon.

-And, oh, thank you, some black pepper.

-Lovely.

One moment... Greenery.

-OK.

-Very cheffy... Might even earn me a tip!

-Which you'd then share with the kitchen?

-Of course!

-We're on the same team, aren't we?

-Mrs Tembe!

-Hello.

-Hello.

-Excuse me.

-I have come to lend a hand.

-Oh? I thought I was doing OK.

You are, the vicar has been singing your praises.

She's very impressed that you are so hard working and professional.

-So, where do I start?

-You don't have to help out.

-But I want to.

Really. I've got everything under control.

I will not interfere with your cooking, or your customers.

I will just do the dishes.

Surely you've got better things to do than wash dishes?

-Actually, Mr Robson, I do not.

-Oh.

So, where is my apron?

I'm so sorry I'm late. I meant to be here before you.

-You're from The Mill?

-Yes. Dr Carter.

-Ariana Richards.

I thought I was seeing Jane Richards?

You are, but I made the appointment.

I was going to say, you don't look bedridden with a fever of 40.

No, and neither will my mother.

I'm sorry, I've brought you here under false pretences.

Mum's got a terrible rash on her hands,

she was going to come to The Mill to have it checked out,

but I wanted you to see the state of the house.

-She's a hoarder.

-Yes, I saw through the letter box.

The rash, I'm sure it's dust mites, or vermin.

I didn't want Mum to just buy a cream

and pretend it was OK to carry on living like this.

Well, the rash I can deal with, not sure about the habits of a lifetime.

I know, I'm not expecting miracles, but I thought, another voice,

an outsider's perspective, you know...

I'll do my best. But, I don't think she's at home.

-I've rung a number of times.

-Oh, she's home.

Mum's got "doorbell dread".

She never opens up to anyone, not since I was at primary school,

she's too embarrassed.

-No-one visits?

-No, I make her come to mine.

I'm sorry, I can't come in.

-What?

-I haven't stepped foot inside for five years.

But I can't just go in, she'll think I'm an intruder.

Mum!

Mum, can you come out? I've got a Dr Carter here to see you?

Mum?!

I'm sorry.

I know this is really strange, it's just

I had to stop coming inside, it was ruining our relationship.

But she IS here.

She didn't invite me. I can't just wander in.

No, I guess not.

Right, OK. Mum...?

Mum, I've brought a doctor from The Mill to come and see you. Mum?

Mum?!

-Table eight looks very impatient.

-Table eight?

-The one by the window.

I don't seem to have a docket.

-I will go and ask them what they ordered?

-No!

Claire, do you know what table eight ordered? I don't have a docket.

-That's because they haven't ordered yet.

-Oh?

-They're waiting for a friend.

-I'll butt out.

-You're all right.

-Table four.

-Thanks.

SCREAMING

What is it?

These are my dad's ashes. They're everywhere.

-She must have been on the ladder.

-Right.

-How awful, to be covered with...

-Oh, my God, yes, the poor thing.

-She must have been horrified.

-No wonder she's not here. Where is she?

I'll ring my brother, maybe she's there.

I'm sorry, but I'd better get onto this.

-Yes, I should be getting along.

-Hi, Martin? Is Mum there?

Have you heard from her? OK, hold on.

I'll call you when I find her, you'll come back out?

Maybe you could bring her to The Mill, now that I've seen the house.

OK. Martin, Mum's missing. Yes, I'm sure.

Well, I'm inside now and she's not here!

Yeah, it's not a problem. Come on over.

I'll get your details up on the system.

-KNOCK ON THE DOOR

-Hello.

So, you've got him on the maximal dose

and he's still feeling light-headed?

Yep, with ankle swelling and a lowish BP.

-Have you considered spironolactone?

-Hmm?

You could drop the other dosage, if you're worried about blood pressure?

Let's see.

He's on 120mg. Yeah, I could lower that.

Erm, yeah... He could always be a candidate

for synchronisation therapy, couldn't he?

-You're pretty nifty with that knife.

-He is.

I have to wear goggles when I chop onions or I cry like a river.

Remember, Mr Robson, when I taught you how to make chicken stew?

There are even more onions in the Seswaa I promised to show you.

-Seswaa?

-It's a traditional dish from Botswana.

My mother was most particular about showing me the correct

technique, it is all in the shredding and salting of the meat.

I wish I had some old family recipes to hand down to my kids,

I'm hopeless, I tried to make pizza from scratch last weekend

and the dough didn't rise at all, it was like eating cardboard!

I could teach you as well.

Oh, thanks, but my kids won't eat anything spicy.

-The food of Southern Africa is generally very mild.

-Oh.

SHE MOUTHS

All right! Steady on.

-Oh, I've done that already, haven't I?

-Yeah. Therein madness lies.

I went to the most awful house this morning, a hoarder's.

Rather you than me.

The poor woman had covered herself in her late husband's ashes.

I'd have to shower for a week to get over that.

Of course. Excuse me.

I reported her missing, but there's not much they'll do for 48 hours.

-I'm sure she'll turn up soon.

-Did you ring the hospitals?

-I will.

-You will? What have you been doing? Martin, where are you?

-I'm at Mum's.

-Why? I told you she's not there!

-I know.

-A mate of mine works for a company that delivers skips.

-What?!

-I've had a skip delivered.

-Martin! You can't do that!

-Well, I am.

The skip's here and I'm going to get stuck into it before she gets back.

Thanks, mate, that's perfect.

Martin, don't move anything yet. I've got a call waiting, hold on!

-Hello?

-Hello, it's Dr Carter here.

-Oh, hello.

It just occurred to me

that your mother's first instinct may have been to wash, now when

I was there earlier I noticed that there was a lot of junk in the bath.

How does she normally clean herself?

I think she just washes herself in the sink, but, yes, of course...

Is there a hotel or B&B nearby? She might have found a shower and...

I know where she is. Thank you so much! Martin?

URGH!

What are you reading?

-Cephalopods. Octopuses.

-I thought it was octopi?

-Apparently not.

They always gave me the creeps. Too many arms.

Slimy, the thought of them touching my leg, urgh.

They're pretty amazing, they have really complex visual systems

that allow them to directly mimic what they see.

So, like, when we hear a sound, like a birdsong, we can mimic it,

say by whistling, but when we see something, we have to paint it,

or draw it, or find a word to describe it.

When they see a pattern on a rock, they can reproduce that

pattern on their skin, that's how they camouflage themselves in coral.

It's like me seeing a tattoo, and thinking it onto my skin.

That's pretty out there.

Actually, it's one of the most important concepts

influencing the development of virtual reality,

it's what Jaron Lanier calls post-symbolic communication.

-Lanier?

-He's an internet guru.

Yeah, still don't like the arms though.

Bit slimy, touching me, holding me.

Heaven forbid.

Hello.

Mum!

Look at your arms, they're much worse than I thought!

DONNA SUMMER PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND

# She works hard for the money... #

-How far off is table nine?

-Just here. Almost.

# She works hard for the money

# So hard for it, honey... #

I love this song, I played her greatest hits

for days when she died.

-Is this your music?

-Yeah. It's an old favourite.

Mr Robson has a real ear for all music.

Takes me back.

Did you know she became a Christian in the '80s?

I thought she already was.

-Didn't she grow up singing in church choirs?

-She did,

but then she went off the rails. Drugs, rock'n'roll, divorce.

I think being born again was a way of finding her own path.

My parents were really strict in their beliefs and it sent me

running, I had to find my own way back to the church.

Me too.

It's better that way, makes you less of a follower, more of a believer.

Yeah.

# She works hard for her money

# So you better treat her right. #

OK, thank you.

Dr Carter will see you as soon as surgery opens, at four.

-Was he the doctor who came this morning?

-Yes.

So, he's seen the house?

I can't go back there, not until... I didn't even want to leave

the pool, I've probably swum the length of the Channel this morning.

You don't have to, you can stay with me until we get it cleaned up.

The ash, it got everywhere.

It's too much for me.

-We could get cleaners in? Or a professional team of...

-No!

-But...?

All that swimming, you must be starving, let's get some lunch.

Good idea.

-Are these the clothes that are covered in him?

-Yes.

-NO!

-Yes!

You can't take them to a restaurant. They're human remains!

No-one will know.

That's me for the day, I'm off to pick up the kids.

-Do you think they'd eat this?

-Wow. You bet. You made this?

-It didn't take long.

-It looks amazing.

I've hid some veg under the cheese, for a bit of nutrition.

Well disguised, they'll demolish that before they notice.

How did you get your dough to rise like that?

Ice-water trick, it's all in the kneading. You can't just knock

it about, you have to massage the dough, persuade it to rise properly.

Sounds very technical.

Not really, I'll show you next week, we're rostered on together then.

We are.

This is quite serious.

Normally you see scabies in a crowded house

because you need skin to skin contact

for the contagion to take effect.

The mites don't jump, they don't fly. Luckily, they don't swim.

It didn't even occur to me that I was contagious, I'd never

have gone in the pool if it had. Should we ring the pool?

I wouldn't worry, because they're unlikely to emerge through

wet skin, and if they did, the chlorine would kill them.

I wonder how I got them?

Come on, Mum, you're always going through people's rubbish.

You probably found some towels or a blanket that carried them.

That is a possible source.

It's important you don't re-infect yourself,

so the towels, duvets, bed linen needs to be

washed at at least 50 degrees, or better still, throw them out.

I know this sounds harsh,

-but your house is a health hazard.

-I know!

It feels as if it's ganging up on me. The house, I mean.

That sounds crazy, doesn't it?

It's as if all the things I've saved and protected are crowding me out,

taking over and not leaving any room,

it's as if they've got a life of their own.

-Mum, you're imagining things.

-You feel that the house is your enemy?

That's it, that's exactly it.

-If it's the enemy, let's just throw it all out!

-It's not that simple.

-It is, Martin's there now with a skip.

-What?!

He's just making a start, he knows what's important.

-Everything's important.

-Mum!

-You must be careful.

-Of what?

Sharp knives? Boiling kettles?

You know what I am talking about.

-You're getting very friendly with Miss Hill.

-Yes, I like her.

-She may think that you are flirting with her.

-And what if I was?

-Mr Robson, you are not ready for a relationship.

-Says who?

Mum? Mum!

Mum?

MUM!

-Let me in!

-Don't tell me she's inside?

-She's bolted it.

Why did you let her in?

I didn't, she slipped in when I was at the skip!

-I told you to look out for her, that's why I rang!

-I know!

-It's my fault, OK? Mum!

-You can't force your way in!

The house is a pigsty, I wouldn't let my dog live here!

I know it's disgusting, but breaking down the door's not going to help.

Dr Carter's going to try and talk to her.

Talk, talk, talk!

HE RINGS THE DOOR BELL

Mrs Richards, it's Dr Carter. Can you open up for me, please?

Dr Carter, I'm sorry you've been dragged into this,

but I'd really rather you all left now.

I want to make sure you know how to access help.

I'm fully aware of the services available to hoarders, thank you.

Please don't lock yourself away alone,

after what happened this morning.

I'd like to talk to you about your house, and what can be done.

So may I come in, please?

Well, bye, Mrs Tembe, I'll see you soon.

There's a photography exhibition opening next weekend,

perhaps we could go together?

We'll need to talk before you see Miss Hill next week.

Why are you so against this?

You're the one pushing me to get out there, find a job,

make friends, have a normal life.

-Doesn't that include a relationship?

-Maybe, one day.

-Why not now?

-It's too soon. She is not right for you.

-How do you know?

She does not know what she's heading into, she does not know...

This does not concern you, Mrs Tembe.

It's got nothing to do with you.

SHE HOOVERS

Oh! It's no good! I can't get it all up. Not with everything in here.

-It's really bad, isn't it?

-Your children say it's got worse.

-Yes.

Yeah. Since Grant died.

-Grief can be a trigger for an escalation.

-I know.

I'm fully aware of my condition, thank you, I've Googled it to death.

Have you tried any therapies?

Some. Unsuccessfully.

I made some progress when Ariana refused to visit,

but then that was the year that Grant died and I just gave up.

Could you hold that?

I tried to sort things, but everything triggers a memory.

I think that's why it's worse since Grant died.

I can't let go of him, and so it seems I can't let go of anything.

You could let your children decide what matters.

No-one has the right to decide what memories matter to me!

-But your memories are inside you.

-I know, but it's the connection.

The things don't matter,

if you had nothing, your memories would still survive!

When the ashes fell on me,

all I felt was horror, repulsion.

I just wanted them off me. There's nothing of Grant in these ashes.

There's no connection with who he was, it's all in my head.

After all these years of keeping them...

I feel like I could throw them away.

Maybe scattering the ashes would help?

No documents, no books, no photos.

Can you drive me to Baron Hill?

-Really? Martin, you should come.

-No, you two go...

I'll get started here.

I've said my goodbyes.

Mum. let's get in the car, drive to Baron Hill.

You have to trust them, it's part of their history too.

-Thank you, Dr Carter.

-Thanks.

So it's really OK to keep clearing out then?

I think so.

She's made her decision, best not to make her go over it again.

Right, well, I've got my work cut out for me. Thanks for your help.

My pleasure. Good luck.

It's what he wanted.

It is.

It's now or never.

THEY LAUGH

Hello, back again?

Yes. I didn't get my paperwork done this morning.

You're not going to do it now, are you?!

-Good night!

-You too! Safe home.

-ROBOTIC VOICE

-Good night.

I'm a lonely robot too!

None of us will say one word to you ever again.

-It's like they're scared.

-That lot?!

They're usually the ones doing the scaring.

Chloe, no!

-No-one is going anywhere until I get the truth.

-You can't touch me.

-That's assault.

-How DARE you force my daughter to be examined.

I'm going to report you to the NHS!