Root of All Evil Doctors

Ah, Dr Haskey.

Mrs Tembe has asked us to sponsor her.

Have a good day.

-Jimmi.

-What's that?

Mrs Tembe is raising money for the homeless,

-so would you...?

-Yeah, I can give her something.

Have you got something right now?

Morning, Daniel.

-Morning.

-How's the car?

Don't ask.

Did you get it back from the garage?

-Yeah. It would've been cheaper to buy a new one.

-That bad?

Yeah, it makes the kids look affordable.

-Well, at least it makes less noise.

-Not recently.

Well, you must be flush enough to help Mrs Tembe.

-Maybe not for much longer.

-PHONE RINGS

Sorry I've got to take this, it's St Phil's. Hello?

Yes.

One of my patients?

What's the name?

Yeah, OK, I'll be there. Thank you.

Trouble with a patient?

No, a friend I haven't seen for a while.

Make sure you show me that later.

You're early.

Not really it's 8.40.

Mm. What's up?

Thought I'd do some paperwork.

What?! Oh, come on, something's up.

Why are you so suspicious?

Because I know you.

Come on, you can't hide anything from me, Kevin Tyler.

A man's entitled to his privacy.

KNOCKING

I'm finished. I was never in the running.

Let's just leave it. I've got work to do.

You're kidding yourself you can't do relationships.

Is spilling Bolognese sauce down her, is that kidding myself?

Mate.

Yeah, I always do something wrong. So let's just leave it.

-So that's it?

-Yes, that's it.

Are you scared?

Find someone you really like, and you just give up?

Thank you for your wonderful insight, Dr Clay, but it is of no use to me.

Fine. Crawl back into your box then. It's safer in there.

It's duller...

but it's safer.

DOOR CLOSES

Can't say you're looking well.

You should see the other one.

It's been a while. I'm sorry to see you like this.

I'm OK.

Have you seen yourself?

It hasn't been my decade.

But, good news. I'm not gambling any more.

Oh. Are you still going to the group?

No, I Can't be bothered with all the soul searching.

Are you?

Yeah, sometimes.

I'm a family man now, so all is different.

Good for you, Danny.

They need to clean you up.

Eh...

I-I... I can't.

You went through all this at the group.

You've got to try and let people help you.

Let me help you? It's why you asked me to come.

Come on.

Good. OK, let's just take this...

What the hell?!

HE HUMS

What is going on? I've never seen you like this before.

Testing strips. With or without sample pots?

-With.

-I can be conscientious as well, you know.

-Who is she?

-Poppy.

Ah! I knew it. Where?

The club me and Jimmi went to on Tuesday.

It was a good night, actually.

Mm. Is that all?

OK, she's funny, she's interesting, she's sexy, she's clever.

-Is that enough?

-Wow.

I really like her, you know.

You know when you're with someone and everything you say

is really interesting and dead funny?

Yeah. Must be a new feeling for you, though.

-SHE LAUGHS

-All right. It feels different, OK?

Well, she must be good if she's got you cleaning cupboards.

Eh, you should be careful, she could be the one.

Yeah, thanks Septic Peg(!)

SHE LAUGHS You really like her, don't you?

Yeah.

Don't look so scared. I'm really pleased for you.

There's got to be a couple of hundred grand there.

185,460.

(Where's it all from?)

-Archie, where's the money from?

-I didn't steal it.

-You said you weren't gambling.

-I'm not. I don't do that anymore.

Are you out of your mind? 180 grand?!

-You could buy somewhere to live with that.

-I'm not spending it.

A bit of privacy, please, nurse.

OK, the truth. Where's it from?

-Archie, someone's going to take this from you soon enough.

-No.

They need to clean you up. You could have internal injuries.

No!

You've asked me here help you, so let me help you.

Put it in here.

-Archie, take the money off.

-It's mine.

-Give it to me.

Fine, I'm out of here unless you cooperate.

All-all right, OK, OK. OK.

How long has it been on you?

A few months.

OK, I am going to keep it...

-Wha...?

-I am going to keep it, you get cleaned up.

Then we'll sort something out, OK?

Good morning, Mrs Pertwee. Isn't it a lovely day?

-Thank you.

-Go on, you make yourself comfortable,

I just need to refill my prescription papers, all right?

He's ready now, nurse. I'll be back later to check on him.

HE GROANS

Ah, just the man. Sign on the dotted line.

What? Oh.

Mrs Hardings. Everything all right at St Phil's?

Yeah, just pretty mundane stuff, really.

Oh, Mrs Tembe!

Doctor Granger?

It's not rubbish.

Oh, I am sorry I thought it was for the bin.

It's OK. It's just some stuff I have to take care of.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Sorry to trouble you, just one more...

That's rather a lot of money.

Yes, it is.

It's 180,000 plus.

I'm looking after it for a patient.

Was there anything else?

No...thanks.

-If you need a chat...

-Thank you.

Unbelievable.

Bye.

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

'It's me.'

Kevin? Why are you phoning me?

I'm in the small consulting room.

What?

-What are you doing in there?

-Just listen, OK?

I'm hiding. The girl in reception, it's her.

It's Poppy. I don't want her to see me.

I don't understand.

She might not know that I'm a doctor.

And why does that matter?

Because I might have told her a few of lies to impress her.

You are such a child!

You can't lie to her.

Mandy, all relationships are based on lies.

Kevin, get out there and deal with it.

Please, just get rid of her for a few moments.

Mrs Pertwee's still waiting.

No, she's gone. Mrs Baker waiting now.

Well, we can't leave patients waiting all day.

You're going to have to help me.

SHE SCOFFS You owe me.

OK, as big as you can, please, Mr Collings.

Thank you.

I used to be a glass half empty man.

And again.

Nothing ever good enough.

How are you sleeping?

Do you believe in fate, Dr Haskey?

Well, I can't say I had the time to consider it, Mr Collings.

I've been thinking that my stroke could have been a touch of fate.

It brought me Maria.

Your stroke brought you lots of things.

There is still some signs of muscular impairment.

You're not married, are you, Dr Haskey?

Happily not.

I always used to say the same.

The truth is I was scared witless.

Getting you back on tip-top form after your stroke,

that's the issue we should be discussing.

I want to take her away on a little holiday,

somewhere lovely.

The Maldives, Caribbean...

Somewhere where she can't say no.

HE CHUCKLES

Course, I realise that insurance could be a bit tricky.

Unless I got the right documents,

which could help make me the happiest man in the world.

KNOCK AT DOOR Yep.

Hi.

I couldn't stay in the hospital any longer.

-It was making me feel ill.

-What are you doing here?

-Where is it?

-I said I'd help you, but not now and not now.

-It's all right, I can look after it.

-What are you doing?

I'm going to strap it to my legs and body.

-Not here, you're not.

-Where then?

How long do you think the money's going to last like that?

Do you have you any idea how vulnerable you are?

It's survived this long.

OK, that's enough, all right?

You've got to put the money in a bank or get yourself a room or something.

I'm homeless, nobody will let me have a bank account.

OK, well, then let me help you get a room.

Em...

What you don't trust me now?

What do you think?

I think I'm the best chance you've got, now put your pants on.

Let's go I haven't got much time.

Right, so you want me to sign off on your travel insurance,

so that you can take your new girlfriend to the Maldives

where you will propose to her?

Yes, that's about it.

Right, because nothing says "I love you" like a bit of insurance fraud?

There's nothing I wouldn't do for her.

Mr Collings, I'm going to be frank with you...

I'm worried about you.

Your health is precarious and yet you don't seem to be worried about it.

In fact, I think you might be in denial.

Oh, I don't want you to be worried about me, Doctor.

Well, in that case stay at home and do some gardening.

I'm sure your new lady love would appreciate some home grown flowers.

Gardening doesn't capture...

..how I feel about her.

The Maldives do.

You call it denial?

Well, if that's being with someone you love

and having a damn good time, then bring it on.

Love is still possible in Letherbridge,

and it's likely to bring you less stress.

Yeah...

maybe you're right.

Maybe I can get Maria to say yes at the Grand Hotel in Eastbourne.

Oh, rest assured, I shall crack on with the physio.

I want to be on top form...

-HE CHUCKLES

-..if you know what I mean.

You know, it's really not scary at all.

It's the most wonderful thing in the world!

DOOR CLOSES

Try these on.

They don't fit.

Try them on.

They're the wrong colour.

I'm sure the shoes will fit fine.

You get to kiss the prince, now go and buy them.

But what do I need new shoes for?

I wouldn't give those to a dog to chew on.

Come on, Archie, you've got to start looking after yourself.

Yeah, I've got shoes, what do I need two pairs for?

Consider it a treat.

Look you've got loads of money in here, you can afford these shoes.

No.

It's £20, for goodness' sake.

You asked me here to help you.

Do you want to have to come into the surgery

with trench foot or gangrene or something?

Come on, buy the shoes.

Jeez.

Will he be away long?

-Hm?

-Will he be away long?

Who?

The doctor. I've been here a while.

It's been an hour.

Oh, no, no, no. He shouldn't be much longer now.

Oh, actually, since you're here,

would you mind if I asked you for a quick survey?

You see, we're keen for this surgery to feel like a welcoming place

for students who might be away from home for the first time,

and we've just redone all our posters.

I'd love to know what you think.

Just this way.

-You're supposed to wear those, you know?

-Mm.

I shouldn't have done that.

Wait a minute.

Archie?

Oi, Archie!

HE GROANS

What are you doing?

Thanks, Mand.

This is ridiculous.

If she doesn't think you're a doctor what does she think you are?

She thinks I'm in A&R.

-What?!

-I didn't want to be boring.

You sad, sad little man.

-She was impressed.

-If you actually do like her,

you're going to have to tell her the truth.

I've got a waiting room full of patients out there,

I can't tell her now. That's why I need you to help me.

Well, I have been, if you hadn't noticed.

This is crazy!

Just this once and then no more.

Lying does not work.

You should know that better than anyone.

Look at it. Look at it all.

Archie, tell me what's going on.

It's a mess. That's what's going on.

Archie, stop, would you?

-It was immaculate, this was his life.

-Whose life?

Why did you bring me here, anyway? I didn't need to see this.

What are you talking about?

I should have helped him, that's what I should have done.

-Was this your dad's allotment?

-Yeah, well, it's too late now.

What happened?

He got ill, that's what happened.

He got ill and couldn't do anything anymore, and I didn't help him.

I just sat on my backside and did nothing.

When did he die?

Oh, look, just leave me alone and go away.

Hang on, at group you said that you were an orphan.

Yeah, well, I am now, aren't I?

What, and you think that's your fault?

Well, I killed them!

-As good as.

-Why?

-I wasn't what they wanted.

-How do you know that?

What do you think?

Their only son an addictive gambler, his wife left him,

no kids, no job, no nothing.

-This is their money, isn't it?

-Oh, just...

Please just-just leave me alone.

I told you, leave me alone.

This is your inheritance, isn't it, Archie?

Mrs Tembe?

Yes, Dr Carter?

Have you ever seen £180,000 in cash?

Well, no.

I have seen £300 in loose change

after the church fete.

Miss Potter refused to transport it.

May God forgive me, in my anger I insisted

on walking it to the bank, just to show her the importance of charity.

As you can imagine, it was a most uncomfortable journey.

Yes, yes.

Why do you ask?

Daniel had that amount in his room.

No.

Was that what was in the bag?

-Mm-hmm.

-But why?

-You don't think...

-I don't know what to think.

Not the gambling again?

I thought he was a changed man.

They were so close to being respectable.

Poor Dr Carmichael! Poor baby Joe!

Of course, we mustn't jump to conclusions.

He said he was looking after it for a patient.

Do you believe him?

Perhaps we should call Dr Carmichael?

And say what?

-Is the money still there?

-No, he took it when he went out.

Well, perhaps he has given it back to the patient.

Perhaps he has.

I always think it is best to think the best of people.

Yes, of course.

Hiya, listen, I'm really sorry,

but the doctor's been further detained.

I've been waiting an hour-and-a-half.

Yeah, listen, I was thinking if it's not too important,

it might be better to make an appointment tomorrow.

I'll ring you. Come on, Poppy.

Just as well I've got no lectures this morning.

Are you both students?

Yeah, why?

Nothing.

You know there was someone hiding in that room earlier.

Weird.

Really?

Oh, that was Mr Smith.

Sociophobe. Bad case.

We're just trying some exposure techniques on him.

He's doing really well.

HE SIGHS

The Icon takeaway.

A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.

Sorry, I'm being rude.

You know, when I was a kid...

my parents thought that I ought to have a pet.

They thought it would help me socially.

But...

I couldn't cope with the worry,

the worry something awful would happen to them,

so they'd take the pets away.

This whole menagerie came in and out the house

and I know now isn't the time or the place

for the Kevin the gerbil and the vacuum cleaner story,

but there is a point to my rambling.

My point being that...

..all these defence mechanisms of mine,

they've been there or a long, long time,

and I've kept them fully updated.

They've always looked after me and I've looked after them.

But then you come along, and I don't work with you.

I feel all exposed with you and...

..I'm beginning to quite like it.

You say that, but you keep pushing me away.

Yeah, of course I do, cos that way I can keep you from getting close.

What does that mean for me?

-I'm not sure.

-Neither am I.

Wait, wait.

I'm sure, I'm sure...

I'm scared.

I'm scared that I'm going to lose you.

But you don't want me.

Oh, I do.

I want you, Niamh.

I want you.

You go one way and your hair goes the other. I want you.

I want you because you have kind eyes even when you're feeling sad.

I want you because you tell silly jokes even when you're falling apart.

I want you because every time you knock on my door

I feel like something wonderful is going to happen.

I want you because when you listen to me,

even when I'm talking complete and utter nonsense like a lunatic,

you make me feel like I'm the only person alive left in the world,

and I don't mean that in some kind of

post-apocalyptic zombie holocaust way, I mean that in the nice way.

In the me and you way.

I never even saw him in the hospital.

I didn't know.

So if you lose the money, then you'll be losing your dad?

I didn't want to.

You're their son, they loved you.

Why are you beating yourself up about that?

Because I don't deserve it.

They wanted to see you safe, what's wrong with that?

Use it, make a life for yourself.

You can't keep it strapped to your body for ever.

I don't-don't want it anymore.

You've got to get on with your life,

and as long as you're punishing yourself, you won't.

What is this? It's just paper.

You gamble it, you win some, you lose some. We've both been there.

Money is never the answer...

but it can be the problem, right?

I think so.

I don't like it.

Come off it, you were all for it earlier.

I didn't know she was a student. What are you playing at?

I might have known you would never grow up.

It's not against the law. Why are you getting on your high horse?

Yeah, well, I'm not sure how Howard'll see it,

have you even thought about that?

That's so sad.

A goldfish at least.

I could have learned to love a goldfish.

So how's your morning been?

Mine's been really busy.

I've felt more lymph nodes than I think is strictly good for me.

And I was wondering what you thought about

is there a connection between thrush and glandular fever...

What? I'm talking too much?

Keep talking.

SHE CHUCKLES

We should be getting back.

And you're trying not to laugh at me, so come on.

No wonder I failed Chemistry in my leaving cert.

Sister McGill put the fear of God into me.

She was for ever sending me to the lab to remove my nail varnish.

How did you get into med school?

I retook the exam with Sister Lennon. Don't ask.

Hands or no hands?

I don't know? What's the protocol here?

-Do you want to?

-Do you want to?

I think you should, if it makes you happy.

TAPPING

What the...?

Archie, no!

-I wanted to show you.

-Archie!

-No, you were right.

-I can't believe...

I feel free!

You were right. I don't need it.

It's only paper.

-Yeah, but I meant...

-Listen, listen, please.

Thank you, Danny. Thank you, Danny.

Hi.

Is this a good time?

I've been thinking about you all day.

And me you. What are you doing tonight?

There's this really cool band playing at the Rainbow.

Maybe you should check them out.

Poppy, I need to tell you something.

-They're really good, it'll be so cool.

-Poppy.

A bit too much?

How about another night in, maybe at yours this time?

I'll pick you up in a couple of hours.

Great. Wait, what did you want to tell me?

Nothing it's fine. I'll see you later, yeah?

Miss Hill will be there.

Reverend Merchant thinks it will be good for us

to spend some time together in a supportive environment.

By using our resources efficiently,

we can provide the best service available to the patients we treat.

And stuff the rest!

Now may be a good time to talk to my GP about medication.

-You mean, antidepressants?

-Yes, they can be very helpful.