Meat Is Murder Doctors

One butternut squash risotto

and a side order of the youth-boosting

fennel and beetroot salad.

Three lentil soups, two falafel plates and a quinoa salad.

I'm on it.

Oh, and where are the stuffed peppers?

Dexter?

Yeah, in a minute!

I'm nearly there. I'll leave them on the hatch.

It's OK. I'm coming.

Three falafel plates, two lentil soups.

Three lentil soups, two falafel plates and a quinoa salad.

-You think I was born yesterday?

-What?

Dexter.

That's a prime fillet steak. 12 quid.

You've got blood on your hands.

Clean them and clean the surfaces.

Halitosis and a hairy back, and he thinks he's God's gift.

And then, two appointments later,

I have to endure more grubby innuendo with an 81-year-old widower.

I thought once the up-skirter had been caught,

all this sleaziness would die down.

But I've just been propositioned by Sid James and Bernard Bresslaw.

Well, no propositions for me.

Just a few tricky patients.

We need a treat.

You know, something to blow away the midweek blues.

OK, what were you thinking?

Oh, I don't know.

Erm, fine wine,

crudites.

You know, just the three of us.

Ah, erm, two of us.

Ayesha's got a date with Tyler.

Course she has.

But I can grab a bottle on the way home, if you like?

No, come on, let's go out,

paint the town red.

What? On a school night? I'm not sure Mrs T would approve.

Oh, come on. It'll be a giggle.

I suppose I could manage a couple of drinks at The Icon.

Forget The Icon. Let's go into town.

You know, find somewhere new.

I'm not sure, Emma. I mean, it is Tuesday.

Who goes out on a Tuesday?

Oh, well, I don't know.

You know, interesting people who aren't daunted

by the pressures of the working week.

Like us!

Group booking's been cancelled.

So much for all our prep.

All that risotto will have to be chucked,

as well as the mixed salad, the focaccia bread.

The falafels will probably keep.

We'll probably freeze half of them.

Can't say I blame them.

Where you going?

To get myself a proper lunch at the greasy spoon.

Oh, abandon ship, why don't you? We've still got customers.

Only the yummy mummies. The most they'll want is a herbal tea

and a gluten-free muffin.

A brush with death won't be far off.

What?

Keep clogging up your arteries with animal fat.

30 years of vegetarianism didn't do me much good, did it?

You were unlucky.

Yeah, unlucky.

No, no trouble at all, Mrs Hickson.

I'm very glad that you suggested it.

Very well. I will see you soon.

Goodbye.

That is me done, Mrs Tembe.

A trying day?

What is it with people these days?

A touch of flu and they're convinced that it's a killer disease.

Cyberchondria, if you ask me.

You doing anything nice this evening?

-No, not really, although I have a few errands...

-PHONE RINGS

..for a charity that I work for. It's...

How convenient.

It's Daniel's turn to cook and the fridge is empty, apparently!

He's not getting off the hook that easily.

I promised Joe we'd watch a movie together.

Something about a talking rodent. God help me.

A talking rodent.

Right, then. The delights of Birmingham.

Thrill me.

OK. Well, there's some nice old pubs about.

-Get some decent pub grub.

-No, no, no.

No nice, no old

and definitely no pub grub.

OK. Bear with me.

Come on. You're a young, vibrant man, child of the millennium.

You must know where all the cool and hip places are.

Cool and hip?

Yes, Sidney, I am a woman in my prime.

You need to tantalize me.

-OK, you're kind of scaring me now, Emma.

-Good!

I'm going to go home and get changed

and then you and I are going to have an adventure.

Let's get drunk.

I hope this isn't taking you out of your way?

Oh, no. No. Not at all.

The homeless shelter is on my way home.

I have arranged to pick up some other parcels in the vicinity.

I just can't bear to see good food going to waste.

And I'd do it myself but the van's conked out

and I've still got to prep all the grub for tomorrow.

There's just not enough hours.

Is Mr Hickson still recovering from his surgery?

He's back on his feet.

I wouldn't say he's entirely back to his old self.

Dexter!

Have you bagged up the leftovers yet?

I'm sorry. You just can't get the staff.

Whoa.

That's a bit smart for the Pig and Whistle, isn't it?

You remember Mrs Tembe?

Yeah, course. How goes it?

Very well, thank you.

What have you done with the leftovers?

Ah, still in the fridge, in the bread bin.

I asked you to bag them up!

Well, I'm going out. You'll have to do it, won't you?

Is that aftershave? PHONE RINGS

See you later.

Hello? Yes. Hi.

Erm, I'll go and bag them up now.

Not to worry, Mrs Hickson. There is no rush.

-Well, come through and I'll make us a cup of tea.

-Lovely.

There's some mince in the freezer.

You could do spag bol.

Where's Joe?

Playing in his room.

SHE SIGHS

We are going to watch a movie.

That's very decadent of you. You lost your grip?

I think he deserves a break from reading and phonics practice,

just for one night.

He does or you do?

We both do.

Have you checked this?

Not yet.

-What?

-What's wrong?

The Nativity play.

That's weeks away, isn't it?

There's an audition tomorrow!

An audition? Who do they think they are, Britain's Got Talent?

They want him to try for the part of Joseph, naturally,

but he's got a line to learn.

-Just as well one of us checked the bag.

-Well, I...

Joe!

Joe, sweetheart! We're going to do some play acting!

You're playing Jesus' daddy!

Dear God.

He used to retch at the sight of animal flesh

and now it's all he wants to eat.

It's as if they swapped his personality along with his liver.

Perhaps it is just a phase, a reaction to his ordeal.

It's not letting up.

He's becoming carnivorous by the day.

Last week, one of our best punters caught him chewing down on a doner kebab.

Doesn't really send out the right kind of message, does it?

No. No, I suppose not.

Our whole lives are built around this place. 14 years.

I don't know who he is any more.

What kind of tea would you like?

Camomile? Raspberry leaf?

You have got to be kidding me!

SHE SIGHS

That's right. Jesus' daddy had the same name as you.

He was also a Joe.

Gospel According To Zara.

Daddy's being a bit of a stickler. Technically he was a Joseph,

but to his good friends he was always Joe.

Now, here's the rub. Some of your classmates also want to be Joseph.

It's a great role.

So you have got to prove to your teachers

that you are the best man for the job.

This role belongs to you, doesn't it?

Darling, where's Joe's tool kit, the plastic one?

Don't know. The loft, maybe. He doesn't play with it any more.

-Could you go and have a look for it, please?

-Why?

Because Joseph is a carpenter and carpenters have tools.

He's got one line. Six words.

They're not going to ask him to knock up a wardrobe.

OK, I'm just trying to make this fun for Joe. OK?

Once you have your tools, you can think about riding on the donkey

and trying so hard...

Maybe the donor was a big meat eater.

Guess we'll never know.

It really should not make any difference

unless you believe in the idea of body memory.

What's body memory?

There is the theory that the body,

not just the mind, it can retain memory.

So if you have somebody else's heart or kidney or liver,

you might be affected by the donor's experiences

and their tastes.

Maybe there's something in that.

It'd explain why he's become such a raging carnivore.

I don't think the idea has any basis in scientific fact.

But who knows?

There are more things in Heaven and Earth.

I just want to know when I'm getting my husband back.

The man who cares about animals, cares about this place.

We just seem to be leading separate lives.

I never know where he is, what he's up to.

Thanks for coming. I wasn't sure you'd turn up.

Why was that?

Oh, I don't know. I just...

felt that you sounded a bit nervous when we spoke on the phone.

Yes. I was.

I am, I suppose.

How about some social lubricant?

Pardon?

A glass of wine, something stronger? Might make us both at ease.

Thank you. I don't drink.

Right.

Never mind. I'm meant to be off the booze myself.

So, this is the place.

What do you think?

-It's perfect!

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

-Cool.

-Let's get this show on the road.

-Let's do it.

SHE LAUGHS

This feels a bit weird.

Dining out in a swanky restaurant with a man I've only just met.

I haven't been out much.

Not since Tony died.

No. Course not.

Perhaps we should've invited Nancy.

The donor coordinator. She offered to join us.

We don't need a chaperone, do we?

Tony was only 33.

How old are you?

45.

I thought they might have given his liver to someone younger.

Somehow that would seem more...

fair.

Yes. I suppose it would be.

But then, life isn't fair.

So what makes this any different?

What's wrong with your liver? Cirrhosis?

Primary binary cirrhosis.

It causes the immune system to attack the bile ducts.

The doctors aren't sure how I got it.

Exercised regularly,

didn't drink too much,

diet was always super-healthy.

I thought all those lentils and chickpeas would make me immortal.

I mean, why else would you eat them?

In the end I was just unlucky.

And if your husband hadn't been even more unlucky, then I'd probably be dead by now.

I'm sorry. That was a tactless thing to say.

I just meant it as a fact. I wasn't...

It's OK. I know what you meant.

If it's all right with you, I'd like to know more.

About Tony.

Ooh, that looks nice.

-After you.

-Thank you.

Hi. Right, what's your poison?

-No, it's OK. I'll do the honours.

-Oh, thank you.

-Cocktail list, sir?

-Thank you.

Might just have a beer, actually.

A beer?

-Really?

-What?

Come on. You know, when in Rome...

-OK.

-I don't need that.

We'll have two Singapore Slings, please.

Sounds good.

Let's get this party started.

We were happy, on the whole.

Not that it was a perfect marriage.

We argued quite a bit,

mainly about money...

..and when to have kids.

It was always "next year".

What did he do for a living?

He worked on a farm

with his parents and younger brothers.

The family business.

Dairy farm?

Beef.

Oh, I see.

Often said it would be the death of him.

I was right.

How's that?

Tony was doing his chores,

herding cattle on his own.

He always was in too much of a hurry.

The cows stampeded.

He suffered serious head injuries.

And then a few days later, the doctors told us he was brain dead.

That's horrific. I'm so sorry.

I didn't mean to be rude earlier.

I can tell you're a decent man.

The idea that part of Tony lives on in you,

it's of some comfort.

Are you OK?

Are you OK?

Are you OK?

No.

Sorry. I need to go.

OK, here's the line.

"Come on, Mary. We're almost there."

Come on...

-Mary.

-Mary.

We're almost there.

There. Exactly. OK, OK. That's good. That's a really good start.

But, now, let's try and do it better than that.

Let's just focus. Let's think about who Joseph is,

what type of a man he is.

He's a good man. He's a caring man.

He's married to Mary, who has a baby in her tummy,

who's the son of God as it turns out.

Actually that is quite confusing.

OK, dinner's ready.

Can you just keep it warm because we are not quite finished here?

Darling, aren't you taking this a little bit too seriously?

Think what a confidence booster it will be.

His first leading role.

It's his first Nativity.

We're not going to care if he gets cast as one of the sheep, you know?

-He'll be happy.

-Our son is not a sheep.

He's St Joseph.

-I just hope he enjoys it.

-He'll enjoy it!

OK. We're going to enjoy it, aren't we?

"Come on, Mary. We're almost there."

-Try again.

-Come on, Mary.

We're almost there.

See?

Oh, thank you. I'm sure it will be very much appreciated.

Oh, Mr Hickson.

Are you all right?

You really do not look very well.

It was then that I realised I was actually still wearing my headphones!

-THEY LAUGH

-So embarrassing.

The road to ruin?

Excuse me?

Your cocktail?

Oh, ah, no. It's something called a Monkey Gland, apparently.

Really? Good choice.

Let me get you another.

Er, actually, I think I'll sit this one out, if that's all right?

Fair enough.

On second thoughts...

If you insist,

maybe I will have another.

What would you recommend?

I know just the thing.

I bet you do.

What's wrong? You look terrible.

He is very fragile.

How much have you been drinking?

Bill called earlier. I thought you were out with him.

I haven't been drinking.

It's my liver. It's Tony's liver.

Your liver?

What's wrong with your liver?

It doesn't belong.

My body's rejecting it!

I was in Malaysia for a few months, followed by Singapore.

I'd run out of money by then.

I worked as a bellhop until I could afford the plane fare home

and then I wondered why I didn't stay put.

Do you miss it?

I miss the adventure.

England's a bit too tame for my liking.

Still, I manage to get my thrills where I can find them.

Did, erm, did you say you were a student?

-Post-grad.

-Ah. OK.

I managed to get a scholarship.

Good for you.

Downside is, I've got to knock about with a bunch of 18-year-olds.

We don't have much in common.

That's why I like getting out,

meeting more interesting people.

Like you.

Is that a polite way of saying I'm old?

Course not. You can't be much older than me.

I love the lighting in this place.

So, what do you do?

Ah, well, you see, I work for MI5.

My official title is International Woman of Mystery.

THEY LAUGH

-Really?

-No, not really.

I'm just a boring old GP.

A doctor?

Impressive.

-Which practice do you work at?

-Do you mind if we don't talk shop?

It's just that I've had a bit of a week

and I'd rather not think about it.

Of course. Let me get you a drink.

No, no, no. It's my round.

Same again?

Yeah.

Could we...?

'Has he been taking his meds?'

I'm not sure, but I will check.

Tell them to consult the transplant unit,

but if he's taking the drugs, it's unlikely that the liver is being rejected.

They help to prevent that.

So it is probably some sort of stomach bug?

Or food poisoning. What's he eaten in the last 24 hours?

Oh. All right. I will ask.

What have you eaten in the last 24 hours?

What haven't I eaten?

He's not sure, but I think he might have overindulged.

Do you think this sickness will run its course?

I would hope so,

but the drugs make him more susceptible to a secondary illness or infection.

They're immunosuppressants.

So a trip to St Phil's is in order?

'Absolutely. It's not worth taking the risk.'

Given the transplant and his high temperature,

he needs medical attention.

He should have gone up an hour ago.

Well, I will keep you informed. Thank you, Dr Carmichael.

I hope I have not disrupted your film.

Film? If only!

No rest for the wicked, Mrs Tembe. I'll see you tomorrow.

-Goodbye.

-Bye.

OK. I'm going to take him up now. He's exhausted.

Look, please, he is just so nearly perfect.

Right, well, we need to take you to St Phil's.

Have you been taking your immunosuppressant drugs?

Of course.

Then it is unlikely that the liver is being rejected.

I feel like death.

It is probably something you've eaten,

but I do not blame the restaurant.

Food poisoning can take at least two hours to manifest itself.

What restaurant?

I thought you went to the pub.

One more for the road?

Didn't you say that about the last one?

Well, the night is still young.

You're right,

but I could use a pick-me-up.

Do you know what I really fancy?

Oh, do tell.

A double espresso.

Sounds nice,

but, well, I am very sensitive to caffeine.

Sometimes I can be up all night.

Oh, really?

Well, that's not always such a bad thing...

..is it?

No, not always.

-I can offer you a cup of instant...

-Ah.

-..back at my place.

Wow, that's tempting,

but I have a machine.

-A machine?

-Mm-hm.

Espresso.

I don't even know your name.

Max.

I'm Emma.

Shall we get a cab, Max?

Don't tell me he's still awake.

We're getting on marvellously.

It's 20 to ten.

He's going to be falling asleep during his audition.

If it were left up to you, we wouldn't even know there was an audition.

Come on, Joe. Just one more time before...

Your fry-up this morning. Did you even cook it properly?

It's not only your health you're jeopardizing,

it's that of our customers.

They'd run a mile if they knew you were handling raw meat in our kitchen.

I don't know what's got into you.

Not sure I know myself.

A liver transplant, well, it is a very traumatic event.

And like any trauma, it can have some very strong emotional effects.

Maybe it's a mid-life thing.

Some guys buy a sports car, take to booze or drugs

and with me, it's meat.

That's all this is?

Who did you take to the restaurant?

Are you having an affair?

THEY LAUGH

Come here.

EMMA LAUGHS

Tony's life was cut short in his prime.

But, me, I've been given a second chance.

I should feel lucky, grateful to be alive,

but instead I just feel depressed.

They offered you counselling after the op but you turned it down.

I thought I'd be happier when I was back on my feet,

but if anything, I just felt worse.

Liver transplant drugs can have some adverse side-effects,

including depression.

There's not much I can do about that, is there? I'm stuck with these pills for the rest of my life.

Perhaps it is time to take stock.

Count your blessings, not least the love and support of your wife.

I know.

I only pretend to take her for granted.

You could've fooled me.

I am going to leave you alone to get some rest.

Thank you, Mrs Tembe. You've been a gem.

Yes. Thank you.

You take care.

What's this?

Hospital cuisine.

Do you think you'll have an appetite tomorrow?

Maybe.

Broccoli quiche or liver, bacon and mashed potato.

I'd choose very carefully if I were you.

Oh, it's a no-brainer.

It's got to be the quiche, hasn't it?

Yeah, if you want to stay married.

THEY LAUGH

I hate mashed potato.

SHE LAUGHS

The main thing is that Joe's part of the experience.

But he wants a good part.

I mean, he doesn't want to be a palm tree or a camel.

Camel?!

You're not taking my money, David!

I told you before, it's my money.

I know that's a foreign concept to you people.

"People"?

I'd like you all to look at the footprints

in your lives.