Suspicious Mind Doctors

See you later, Jean.

What?

Graham. Graham!

Where's the fire? Calm down.

Where're you going?

You've never been very good at visual clues, have you?

You can't go out now. You've got an appointment with Heston.

An appointment you made without my consent.

-Nevertheless, you...

-I haven't had a day off in three weeks.

Now, if you don't mind, I intend to enjoy myself.

Graham, you've not been yourself lately.

Here we go again.

If you don't keep your appointment, I'll go and see Heston myself.

Jean, please...

Look, I don't know what's wrong with you, but one thing is certain -

you can't keep hiding from the truth.

I'm not hiding anything.

Really? Perhaps I should ask David or Roger at work?

OK... OK, but I'm only doing this to keep the peace.

I shall be glad when this working week is over.

Is everything all right?

Yes, fine.

I'm very much looking forward to a relaxing and quiet time at

the Icon this evening.

Us ladies have a lot to catch up on.

Quiet and relaxing? I hope not!

Excuse me?

Nothing.

What are you up to?

Nothing. We'll go for a quiet drink.

Honestly.

Jean, wasn't expecting to see you both.

This isn't a social call.

Jean...

-Graham, would you like to come through?

-Thank you.

What're you doing?

You don't mind if I sit in on the consultation?

I do mind.

Maybe you'd like to read one of our very entertaining magazines.

We won't be long.

# I'd do anything

# For you, dear, anything

# For you mean everything to me

# I know that I'd go anywhere

# For your smile, anywhere

# For your smile, everywhere

# I'd see

-# Would you climb a hill?

-Anything

-# Wear a daffodil?

-Anything

-# Leave me all your will?

-Anything

-# Even fight my Bill?

-What, fisticuffs?

# I'd risk everything

# For one kiss, everything

# Yes, I'd do anything

-# Anything?

-Anything for you... #

And you've never once been tempted to return to St Phil's?

Not really. Best move I ever made.

I could never be a GP.

Far too much of a medley for my taste.

I like the specifics of surgery.

Surely you miss that responsibility of holding life in your hands?

No! Anyway, what brings you to my neck of the woods?

Nothing, really.

Nothing?

I had a stinking cold last week.

Jean was convinced it was some virulent form of flu.

Anyway, it's gone now.

And you're fine now?

As you can see, my fettle is more than fine.

I feel rather embarrassed, as one professional to another,

wasting your time like this.

But as you know - Jean, a born worrier.

So you're here to placate her?

You could say that, yes.

How is Jean?

How do you mean?

She seemed a little tense.

Oh, we had a little spat on the way here.

She thinks I drive too fast. As I said, a born worrier.

-So there's nothing else?

-No.

How did you do that?

This?

Tired at work last week. Walked into a door.

An all too frequent NHS incident these days.

Oh, I see.

Don't let me detain you any further. Enjoyed our little chat.

We must have you round for dinner again sometime.

That would be lovely.

Oh, you did bring that T-shirt I gave you?

The one for my professor friend?

Erm, yes. It is in my office.

And you followed the instructions? No washing, no deodorant?

Yeah...I did.

To tell you the truth, I found the whole experience

rather disgusting.

But it is all for a very good scientific cause.

I do not understand.

What is the purpose of this scientific project?

Well, my professor friend tried to explain it to me, but you know me.

All the scientific stuff...

Right.

How did it go?

Fine. Fine.

We'll see you next week for dinner, then?

I look forward to it. Bye for now.

Just off to the little boys' room.

Heston.

What did you talk about? What did he say?

Jean, you know better than that.

You need to tell me what he told you.

Well, you need to take it up with Graham.

Anyway, bye for now.

There's something you might not know. Please.

Erm, if you need to see a doctor, you have to make an appointment.

It's all right.

Two minutes.

I'm not asking for information. I'm here to give it.

Go on.

A few nights ago, I was watching television and I heard a noise.

I went into the hallway and there was Graham slumped on the floor.

I thought he'd had some kind of blackout.

I didn't know what to do.

Did you call an ambulance?

Yes, and that's when the trouble began. Graham suddenly recovered.

Just like that.

And it was like nothing had happened.

He just said that he'd tripped and fallen down the stairs,

but he wasn't hurt.

And when I said I'd called an ambulance...

I'd never seen him so angry.

He was furious. Accused me of overreacting.

And when the paramedics did arrive, he told them there'd been

a misunderstanding and sent them away.

And do you know what the most upsetting thing is?

Since that night, he's been treating me like I'm made of glass.

You know, like the way you'd treat a crazy person.

Come and sit down, or get a brew or something.

I'm just wondering how he's getting on with his packing.

Knowing Adam, it will take forever.

Do you think I should go and help?

I think you should leave him be.

Remember when he first came here?

How can I forget? It was like being invaded by Britain's Got Talent.

And The Voice. And the X Factor.

Yeah. At least now we can have some peace and quiet.

I'm dreading it.

All I want to know is, did Graham talk about what happened the

other night or not?

You know I can't discuss that.

But assuming I've given you fresh information about his state

of health, couldn't you at least see him again?

Get him to talk about the blackout?

-KNOCK AT DOOR

-Hang on.

Oh, Jean, Jean, Jean.

What in heaven's name do you think you're doing?

Trying to get to the truth.

Don't you think you might be making a fool of yourself?

I do apologise if either of us have caused any inconvenience.

It's perfectly all right.

Come along. We're going home. Come on, Jean.

Graham, would you mind if I made an appointment for you to see me again?

Why?

I'd like to do a thorough examination.

What for? What would be the point? It'd be a waste of time.

Not to mention a waste of vital resources.

Cover all the bases. Can't do any harm, what do you think?

Very well. But I guarantee you won't find anything.

Now finally, can we please go home?

Need a hand?

It's OK. Me and Rob have got it all sorted.

For your experiment.

Dr Carter has some paperwork to catch up on and says

he will lock up when he leaves.

That's great. So we can get going.

There's no need to hurry.

The bar we're going to tends to fill up quite quickly.

Bar? What bar? I thought we had agreed on the Icon?

Yes, we had but I overheard some patients talking about

a new bar that's opened.

Apparently it's got a fab vibe.

I am not interested in a "fab vibe".

I thought I had made myself crystal clear, I was looking

forward to an evening of peace and relaxation.

Well, change is as good as a rest.

Not if the change is bad for you.

Well, there's only one way to find out.

Look, if we don't like it, we can always fall back on the Icon.

What do you say?

Oh...

Very well.

That's the spirit.

Would you like some more?

Why not?

Although if we do have Heston over for dinner, we're going to

have to invest in a posher vintage.

You know what he's like.

Why don't we ask him after you've had your appointment?

My what?

Oh...that.

You've no intention of seeing him again.

Have you?!

I'm sorry I've upset you. Please don't cry.

I can't help it. I don't want to lose you.

I love you so much.

And I love you.

So why can't we go back to how we were?

No more bickering and dramas. Let's go forward.

Together.

I'd like that.

Then promise me, no more talk of doctors or diagnoses.

Please. For the sake of our marriage...promise me.

At least it is clean and respectable.

There is no loud music.

What?

I don't know. I just thought it would be a bit more...glitzy.

A bit more panache.

Do not tell me you are changing your mind.

This was your idea, after all.

Yeah, I know.

Come on, let's go in. Best foot forward.

MUSIC PLAYS QUIETLY

Miss Pitman!

I would be very grateful if you would kindly explain to

me what on earth you have dragged me to!

PHONE RINGS

Yes?

It's happened again. I don't know what to do. What should I do?

Jean, what's happened again?

It's Graham. He's had another weird episode.

He's lying on the floor, gibbering and twitching

and I've tried to rouse him, but he's just not responding.

I don't know what to do!

Have you called an ambulance?

Yes. But if Graham wakes before it arrives, he'll send it away.

I know he will.

-I don't think...

-You need to come out

and see him. Make him go to the hospital.

-He'll listen to you.

-Jean, try and stay calm

and wait for the ambulance.

You don't believe me, do you? You think I'm making this up.

I'm not saying that. I'm not even on call this evening.

I'm not asking you as a doctor.

You're our friend.

Please, he'll listen to you.

You must think very little of me to assume I would participate in

such goings-on.

I don't think very little of you. On the contrary.

What is all this pheromone business?

It is very simple.

If you like someone's smell,

you hold up their T-shirt until it's claimed.

I understand speed dating and internet dating. But this?

Bloodhound dating!

Not only does it look unhygienic but it's thoroughly demeaning.

I'll admit it's an unusual experience...

Unusual? You should be ashamed of yourself.

I'm sorry, but sometimes love needs a push from time to time.

And the science bit wasn't all lies.

I can see no evidence of science here.

Well, there's this article all about scientific experiments on

dating and pheromones back in the 1990s.

Turns out that all the women preferred men with different

MHC genes to their own.

-MHC, what?

-Major histocompatibility complex.

They're basically genes that have something or other to do with

disease resistance.

So based on their pheromones, all the women were picking partners

who could help their future babies overcome all sorts of

horrible things like malaria, dengue fever, polio, all sorts of stuff.

I have no interest in having babies.

Sorry, didn't mean it like that.

Look, we're here now, why don't we just join in the fun?

Fun?! I don't think so.

Look... Look at that.

It's working like a charm.

I thought we had agreed to put all this nonsense to one side.

You need to drop the pretence, Graham.

Heston is here to help you.

Very well.

What happened to the ambulance?

I rang the call centre and cancelled it.

But since you're here, let's have a second consultation.

In private.

I'm staying.

Heston?

Yes, I know. Patient confidentiality.

If you ask me, it's a convenient form of medical purdah.

This is your last chance to tell the truth.

What does she mean by that?

Who knows?

The fact is, Jean hasn't been making much sense for some time.

I think that's everything.

I should hope so.

You know, it will never cease to amaze me how teenagers can

accumulate so much random stuff.

I'll let you in on a little secret. We manufacture it at night,

like little elves.

I know it's going to change from now on.

What is?

My life. It's OK, I'm ready for it.

I'd still like to go to drama school, but what with Mum and

everything, I might have to put that on hold.

Maybe, but hopefully not for too long.

Well, in the meantime, there's so many online opportunities.

I mean, I could get like a million followers on my channel.

I mean, just look at Zoella.

Look at who?

The point is, something is going to work out for me.

I just know it.

That's a brilliant attitude and I'm proud of you for it.

And if showbiz doesn't immediately beckon, then you could always

fall back on being a police officer.

What are you looking for now?

Hang on. Something for you to remember me by.

Voila!

Not really my colours.

You know, I can honestly say, I think I have learnt more from you

than you could ever learn from me.

And I would like to thank you for that.

Come here.

This is very difficult for me.

Have I your word that what I'm about to say will be treated in the

strictest confidence?

Of course.

Jean has always been, shall we say, highly strung.

But in the past few weeks she seems to be tipping over into some

kind of mental illness.

Well, we both know I treated her for depression in the past,

but she's never been delusional.

Well, you've seen it for yourself.

This business about me having seizures or whatever.

It's all in her head.

It's like she's become a hypochondriac by proxy.

So those episodes never happened?

Look at me. Do I look woozy or confused?

For someone who's supposedly had

a seizure in the last hour, I seem to have made a remarkable recovery.

There can be exceptions in some cases.

But I'm not a case. Why're you being so sceptical?

Because I'm still not convinced how you got that.

I told you.

Yes, walking sideways into a door, but unless you're some sort

of hieroglyphic figure, I can't actually picture it.

Jean. She hit me.

Has it really come to this, Miss Pitman?

How can you be so desperate?

Could you not just give it a chance?

Look, I have never been lucky in love.

This could be a new opportunity for me.

And for you.

Me?

Mr Right could be right here.

Perish the thought!

Could you just try and take it seriously, if only for my sake?

Very well.

It will not kill me to wait for you a little longer.

An orange juice, please.

All I ask is that you keep an open mind.

I will keep an open mind, but I refuse to open one of those bags.

Mmmm... Lovely.

Oh, no! No, no!

No-one's picked my number yet.

Well, you should count your blessings.

Oh!

Gross!

Don't tell me you like that one?

She's Winifred, number nine.

Oh, yes! We have a match!

Oh, Lord.

If you're in an abusive relationship, I can get you help.

That would be good.

Come and see me next week and I'll arrange a counsellor.

Thank you for dropping by. It's much appreciated.

-Are you sure you'll be OK?

-Yeah.

Are you going to the hospital?

Are you taking him?

I see.

Well, don't say I didn't warn you.

What're you doing?

I filmed this just after I phoned you.

GROANING

Now do you believe me?

Right. I'll see you in the car.

-I really, really hate goodbyes.

-Me too.

We'll still keep in touch, though, won't we?

No, I'm going to forget you in an instant.

-LAUGHS:

-Oh, sorry!

Promise me we'll still talk when my totally fab, crowd-pulling

YouTube channel goes viral?

I cross my heart.

# I'd do anything for you, dear Anything

# For you are everything to me. #

You filmed this? I'm thrashing about,

having a seizure on the floor, and you filmed it?!

You left me with no choice! What else was I supposed to do?

Why did you lie about Jean?

She kept pushing me to tell the truth.

Why didn't you tell the truth?

You of all people have to ask?

If this gets out, I'm finished at St Phil's.

That's not going to happen.

Graham, there are a whole range of issues that could be behind

your seizures. You need to be diagnosed and

Occupational Health need to know what's going on.

You can't say a word. You mustn't.

My colleagues, my patients respect me. They look up to me.

My work is my life.

I'm sorry.

What about doctor-patient confidentiality?

You know as well as I do,

that doesn't apply when there are risks to others.

OK, but you've seen how easily I recover.

If I do have some kind of neurological condition, it's

obviously a very mild one. Manageable, in fact.

What if you had a blackout during an operation?

Graham, this could be treated.

I'm going to drive you to St Phil's.

This is all your fault. Are you happy now?

You've ruined me. Ruined me!

That's enough. You should be thanking Jean.

She may have saved your life.

You can't avoid him all night.

Can we just go?

We're not going anywhere till someone chooses my number.

Gotcha!

Wow. Cherries with a hint of spice.

Excuse me?

Your smell.

How charming(!)

Looks like we're destined to get to know each other.

I do not think so.

I'm JJ, by the way. And you are...?

Someone who is not interested. Goodbye.

Laundry doesn't lie.

Laundry is mistaken.

You can't fight fate.

We can give it a very good try. Goodbye.

"This bud of love by summer's ripening breath

"May prove a beauteous flower when next we meet."

Good...bye.

We are leaving straightaway.

No...excuses.

Shouldn't you be putting your coat on?

We don't want to keep Heston waiting.

I'm not going.

Jean?

I'm sorry the way I treated you, the things I said.

That's it?

What?

All the time I was worrying about you and you were busy

portraying me as some kind of neurotic fantasist.

I was scared. I wasn't thinking straight.

Oh, you were thinking all right. Only it was all about yourself.

Your precious career. Your illustrious status.

So, dear husband, if you're looking for forgiveness...don't come to me.

Oh, maybe we should go back for our T-shirts.

No more delaying tactics.

Good evening, ladies.

Smell you later.

It's not fair. Your T-shirt got noticed.

Maybe I shouldn't have bought this from the internet.

I didn't think my T-shirt was pheromone-y enough,

so I thought I'd give it a boost.

And you did not see the fundamental flaw in your plan?

What flaw?

These are canine pheromones, Miss Pitman.

What?

For dogs.

We are doing the right thing, morally.

I have just had a phone call.

Great. You've lost me the bet.

I'm in isolation, Mrs Tembe.

Your mother has been trying to call you.

What is this? Some sort of sick joke?

No, we're just...

I never wanted to see it again, that's why I gave it away.

You're having an affair with another man, tell me the truth.