Duncan Day Doctors

FAINT GRUNTING

Blake! Cleo!

What?! Blake hates bananas, anyway.

Since when? Saturday. He said they're like giant's fingers.

What are they doing, anyway?

Fighting over a mini-keyboard a minute ago.

What, and you just left them to it? Great parenting!

They're not doing any harm.

Kids, you heard your mother, breakfast!

They're supposed to be ill.

They seem fine to me. Can't they go in anyway?

No, they've still got the scabs on their backs.

That'd be a great start to a new term, wouldn't it? Triggering a pox outbreak!

That's the last of the bread!

Forget it. Can you just get home early tonight?

I need to do a big shop and it'll take half the time without the kids.

I can't, I'm sorry. Why? All-day meeting.

You know what they're like, it'll overrun.

My phone will be off, Ill call when I'm out.

All right, fine.

I've got to go. I love you.

I love you, too.

CHILDREN SQUABBLE

HE EXHALES

PHONE RINGS

I'm in the clear.

Yeah.

I'll see you in 20.

Ugh! These friends of Georgina keep popping up on my feed

with their holiday photos.

They are so sickeningly happy, I hate them.

They're trying too hard.

Huh! Look at that beach and those skies!

Oh! It's all so contrived.

The way she looks over her shoulder as the sun sets over the bay.

It's about as candid as a Cosmo cover.

Ha!

And the tags are annoying, too. #Paradise.

#Overcompensating, more like.

#Give it six months.

LAUGHS Oh, you've cheered me up so much.

That makes sense. You've found a common bond, haven't you? Misanthropy.

Or perhaps it's that your mother is actually rather very funny.

A quality which hasn't been passed on to you.

I think I preferred it how it was before.

Has Joe brushed his teeth?

Are you going to tell him about what happened in Crete?

MARION SIGHS

Oh, do I have to?

I didn't expect to see you here so early.

Especially considering you're, um...

Isn't the traffic bad when the schools go back, eh?

Considering I'm...? You know, not going to be with us for much longer.

I'm not dying, Sid. Well, not any more. Huh!

Although it does feel a bit like a bereavement.

Morning! Oh! Morning.

Yeah, it does a bit.

But coming in early, very admirable of you.

I'm not going to compromise my professionalism,

even though I've been thrown on the scrapheap.

Also, I wanted to apply for a job online

and my broadband's playing up at home, so... It never rains.

Oh! It arrived! Joy of joys!

You know what you were saying about Joe starting school the other day?

Maybe I am being overprotective.

No, no, I think you're being absolutely right.

I'm going to speak to his teachers, make sure they understand

he needs a bit more attention. That's a good idea. Yeah.

And we can set up regular meetings so that we can make sure

his progress is being monitored accurately. Nonsense!

He'll be a little protege, just like his dad.

We've been trying to tell you, Mum, he has developmental issues.

You'll give the poor child a complex.

They're all different at that age.

If you were around longer, you'd see.

Well, the way things are looking, I may be around indefinitely.

Indefinitely?

Oh, off you pop. Now, you don't want to be late.

I thought you loved it there?

Believe me, I wouldn't be coming back here if I didn't have to.

Are you ill?

Oh, don't look so worried. I'm fine!

Well, what is it, then?

Oh! A few months ago...

..I met the most wonderful, charming and handsome man...

..who also happened to be married.

What? You're having an affair?

We tried to fight it,

but such was the visceral, magnetic lust between us,

it was all we could do not to rip each other's clothes off at every opportunity.

Shouldn't you be showing a bit more self-control at your age?

Ha-ha! Growing old doesn't lead to wisdom,

just supportive underwear and daily checks for facial hair.

Oh, everybody hates me there now.

I've no idea what I'm going to do and where I'm going to live.

Marion, you don't need to take Joe to nursery

if you don't feel like it. Oh, I'll be OK.

Hm! I'm just a silly woman feeling sorry for herself.

All right, well, we've got to go,

but we'll speak about this later, OK?

SPEAKS JAPANESE

Is that from Star Trek? No, it's not from...!

Roughly translated from Japanese, it means,

"The battle is the dance, not the victory."

And it's from...? You're going to have to give us...

Sidney, if you're going to claim to be a geek,

you're going to need to know this kind of thing.

It's from my very favourite Japanese TV show of the 1980s, Solar Samurai.

This, is the hero ship, the Infinity Dragon.

I tell you, mate, I've been looking for months

to find one in such good condition.

You're on a whole new level of geek, you know, mate.

The show's creator, Yuji Kamomoto, is doing a Q

at my mate Fat Elvis's place later this afternoon.

So, you're going to get it signed, are you? Of course.

I've got the afternoon off.

At 2pm, me and the Infinity Dragon are out of here.

Oh, gosh! It must be really lovely to be able to waste money on toys

when some people can't afford to pay their mortgage.

Excuse you. It is not a toy,

it is a very rare scale replica.

You really are still a child, aren't you?

Can I have a sweetie?

They're not sweeties, darling, they're Mummy's tablets.

DOORBELL Oh! What now?

Just go and play with your brother, OK?

Excellent! Good news?

Yeah. The Honeydew Clinic and Spa have agreed to refer a few patients

to the Granger Clinic, for a small commission.

They're turning away several clients a week at the moment.

You'll be busy, then.

Yeah. At this rate, I'll need another pair of hands.

Mummy?

I thought you were upstairs, playing with your brother?

I feel sick.

I'm not falling for that one again. Go on back upstairs.

OK, all right. Let's get you to the bathroom. Come on.

KNOCK AT DOOR Yep?

That's very kind. Hm!

Do you know, just the other day,

one of the patients was commenting on how youthful and soft my skin is.

It must be very difficult to find staff for the Granger Clinic

who possess both the right skills and the right look.

I mean, you don't want a 20-something, do you?

You want someone who makes people think,

"Wow! They are never over 30!"

40. Yeah.

"How do they look so good?

I guess.

And with the business growing, you're going to need somebody experienced on your side.

Someone to ease the pressure at both work and home.

Someone who you can trust.

Someone who is right under your nose.

Valerie, you are a genius.

Really? Yeah.

I, um...I need to make a call to my accountant. Would you excuse me?

Where's that taxi?

Hi. Can you get a message to Duncan, please? He's in a meeting.

What do you mean, he's on leave? Where is he?

Er...no. No, it doesn't matter.

Bye.

Where's he going in such a hurry?

He's going to talk to his accountant about you-know-what.

Really? You-know-what?

How exciting(!) Isn't it! No.

I've absolutely no idea what you're talking about, Valerie. Enlighten me.

Now, this is awkward because I assumed you'd know.

All I'll say is it involves the Granger Clinic

and a new member of staff.

OK. Well, this is news to me.

This is getting ridiculous. Just call me back as soon as you get this.

I'm sorry, we're closing for lunch. Afternoon surgery's 4-6pm.

Oh, really? My daughter, she keeps being sick and I don't know what's wrong.

I mean, she was fine this morning.

Well, um...I can have a look at her, if you like? Oh, thank you.

Well, that was a close call.

You could wait till she's gone before you sound so relieved.

No, I don't think I could.

Oh, Zara! Remember, mum's the word.

I don't want to jinx it.

When did she start vomiting? A couple of hours ago.

Just sit still for five minutes.

Sorry. That's OK. And what's she eaten today?

Just a banana and a bit of yoghurt.

I hate bananas! Button it, Mister. You're not the one who's ill.

It worried me the way it came out of the blue, that's all.

Well, um...I would have said gastroenteritis,

but her temperature's normal, which is unusual.

Is there any chance she's got hold of anything toxic,

like, cleaning products?

I've got child-locks on all the cleaning cupboards. I've always been very careful.

Look, this could be something that'll just pass on its own,

but just to be on the safe side, I'd like to have a word with one of my colleagues.

OK. Thank you.

KNOCK AT DOOR Go away. Dr Haskey is no longer in the building.

Al, just two minutes, please! Sidney, Yuji Kamomoto is in the country

for the first time in over 20 years and I...

And I am going nowhere, it seems.

Cheers, mate. I've got a feeling this is more than just a bug. Oh! Cool!

Yes, it's very cool and it's not a toy. Stop messing about.

Come on, then, we're on the clock here.

OK, um...rapid onset of vomiting, no diarrhoea.

She's apyrexial, but she does appear to be unwell. She's pale and clammy.

Cleo, what's wrong?

She's gone limp! Cleo?

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

She's tachycardic and hypotensive! It looks like shock. Al?

Sidney! Thank you.

Tell me everything that she's eaten today, no matter how trivial.

We've been through this. Fruit, yoghurt, a biscuit, maybe.

Ambulance, please. I'm a GP at the Mill Health Centre.

What are you doing?! She needs to go to hospital. I don't believe this!

This is really important. If she's ingested something toxic,

we can treat it quicker if we know what it is.

Cleo? Sweetheart? You need to tell the doctor

what you've eaten, OK? You won't be in trouble, I promise.

She had Mummy's tablets.

Yeah. I have a young girl and she's very unwell.

Which ones? The red ones in the kitchen.

My iron tablets. I'm anaemic. OK. How many did she take?

Cleo Leyton, date of birth - 5th May, 2008.

She appears to be in shock and suspected iron poisoning.

Blake, how many?! Was it lots and lots?

She'll be OK, won't she?

It can be serious in extreme cases. It depends how many she's taken.

But, look, she's in good hands now.

I pop to the Icon for half an hour

and we have a full-on medical emergency?

Yeah. Some kid with iron poisoning, or something. Sid was all over it.

I taught that boy everything he knows. Hm-hm-hm!

You know what, it is great that you and Mum are getting on so well.

We're not exactly bosom buddies just yet.

The last thing she needs, at this time in her life,

is to up sticks, move country, find somewhere completely new to live.

I guess... And we have been worrying about

Joe not getting the personal attention he needs.

I have a feeling I'm not going to like where this is going.

Keep an open mind. OK?

Valerie gave me an idea that could solve both problems.

Do you know, my gran always used to say that opportunities are like butterflies.

If you chase them, they'll fly away,

but if you sit still, one might land on your shoulder.

Where is my Infinity Dragon? I know that you've taken it.

You mean your spaceship toy?

It's not a toy, it's a replica. There's a big difference.

That girl's brother had it when they got in the ambulance.

I thought you'd given it to him!

I spend one good day with your mother

and now you want to build her a granny flat?!

I thought you'd be pleased.

How do you propose to pay for all of this?!

Er...the Honeydew contract came through. Oh, great!

So you're going to be spending all of your time here running the clinic

and you think it'll keep me sweet that I have Marion to help me?!

Look, what's good for the clinic is good for us.

I don't care about the money.

I need you to be present in your son's life!

Joe loves having his granny around.

Of course he does! She thinks that chocolate and fizzy pop

constitute a healthy breakfast!

He will end up a toothless diabetic!

OK, let's just regroup here for a minute.

Thank goodness you mentioned it to me before you mentioned it to...

Daniel?

Un-tell her!

Her...her little face lit up. She would be heartbroken.

OK, it's this simple. If she moves in, I move out!

And what is this about you offering a job to Valerie?!

What? No, I didn't!

She said you're creating a role for her!

You went to see your accountant at lunchtime!

Oh! I can see how she...

HE SIGHS This is unfortunate.

Unfortunate? What is going on with you today?!

OK, can you...? You get on with her, right?

Can you put her straight for me? It'll be better coming from you.

OK.

But only if all this malarkey about a granny flat...

is off.

If you can get hold of him, can you just tell him

Cleo's in St Phil's and he needs to get here as soon as?

Hey!

Oh, hi. I didn't expect to see you here.

Yeah, I was, er... I was just passing by,

so I thought I'd pop in and see how Cleo is.

That's kind of you. They're just running some blood tests, so...

OK. That's good. Um...is your little lad about?

A nurse is watching him while I try and track down my husband,

who has disappeared off the face of the earth.

I don't even care what he's doing, I just want to know where he is.

I don't think I can get through this on my own.

SIGHS

There you are! Oh, I just nipped out for a nice bottle of red.

Valerie... It wasn't even on offer. But if you can't treat yourself

to a nice bottle of wine when you've got a new job, when can you?

Yes, about this job... Oh, it's so nice for Daniel and I

to be continuing our professional relationship.

I'll be like his work wife, I suppose.

LAUGHS

It'll be like a time-share situation. Lucky old Daniel!

Oh, was there something you wanted?

Er...yes, there was.

Please, just make sure you speak to Daniel later, about the job.

Just to clear everything up. Good idea. Yeah.

You've got five minutes more and then I've got to go.

Thanks for looking after him. It's been a massive help.

We've been getting on well, haven't we, mate? I think he likes you.

I do actually need to start thinking about...

Daddy, look!

Son. Where's Cleo? Now you show your face!

I've been going out of my mind!

I only just got your messages. I came as quickly as I could.

Can you go with Dr Haskey, please? Sorry, do you mind?

Yeah, sure. Come on, mate, let's go and find some sweets.

So, who is she? Who?

The woman you're having it off with.

That's ridiculous! Get off me!

Our baby girl is fighting for her life in there.

What's wrong with her? She ate my iron tablets.

I never expected this from you.

I know things have been a bit of a routine...

I, er...I took a Duncan day.

A what? A...A Duncan day, that's all.

I get a day in lieu every month, so I took it for a bit of me time.

You know, play some golf, maybe go to the cinema.

Because life is so hard for you, isn't it?

Pushing buttons on a computer every day,

coming home to whatever boring tea I've cooked

and never getting to go out and have fun.

Well, I'm sorry married life is such a drag(!)

Are you OK? VALERIE LAUGHS

Yeah. No, it's just this video of the cat drinking from the tap

just tickles me every time.

Oh, FYI, I won't do this when I'm at the clinic.

(We had a deal.)

She thinks so much of you and I just thought to myself,

"I'm just not doing his dirty work."

It's your mess, you clean it up.

Did they say anything?

No. She made a few notes and walked off.

You didn't ask for an update? What's the point in you even being here?

You think I sit with my feet up all day reading magazines, don't you?

No. I don't have a job, so every day's a Verity day for me(!)

I know you work hard.

We moved here to make our lives better, but I don't know anyone.

Our daughter OD'd on my iron tablets

because I was too tired and stressed to put them away properly.

When do I get a day off, eh?

A part of me wishes you were having an affair.

It would hurt less than this.

KNOCK AT DOOR Yep?

Oh.

Hello, boss. About that...

I was thinking that we could offer complimentary detox smoothies.

I have this amazing chia seed and avocado recipe.

Everything's OK, is it?

There's been a misunderstanding.

Oh. It's entirely my fault.

I gave you the wrong impression and I apologise.

I'm sorry to say, but there is no job.

Half-three. What is the point?

I just spoke to the specialist,

the test results indicate that Cleo needs to stay in overnight

for some chelation therapy,

but she should make a full recovery.

So she's going to be OK?

I think we caught it in time.

DUNCAN EXHALES Thank you so much.

I'm just a GP, these are the guys who do all the real work.

Yeah, but you picked up on it

and then you took the time to come here and follow it up, so thank you.

Yeah.

It's more than a job to me.

I never thought this is how my marriage would end.

I've never seen her like this before.

Are you married?

Any kids? No.

I can barely look after myself, mate.

No-one tells you how hard it is.

It's amazing...

..but sometimes it's just so...relentless.

Being a parent.

I can imagine.

I just needed some time to myself.

I didn't think it would do any harm.

I need to get going.

I really hope that everything works out OK.

Thank you.

I'll just say goodbye to Verity. Yeah.

Has something else happened?

The Honeydew contract isn't going to be half as lucrative

as I thought it was going to be.

Looking at the figures, they're just...they're not going to work.

To be honest, I thought it was a bit strange

to be so excited about a few referrals. Yeah.

It was nearly a dreadful business decision

and I've...I've upset Valerie

and on top of all of that, I'm going to have to let Mum down, as well.

I mean, it's...

Look on the bright side. If you had given Valerie a job

and I hadn't vetoed the granny flat,

think how much worse it would have been.

That's true.

I actually quite like it when you mess up now and again.

You're so annoyingly handsome and intelligent,

it's nice to see you being human. Hm!

Thank you.

Now, we are going to have to butter Mum up

before we break the bad news, aren't we? We? Mm.

No, that's your job. You're not getting out of it that easily.

Thank you so much.

I couldn't have lived with myself if...

Hey, you got her to us quickly, that's the main thing.

She's on the mend now.

As for my marriage...

Your marriage is none of my business,

but he clearly feels awful.

The trust has gone.

If he lied so easily about this, then...

Right. I am going to let you into a secret.

And you can't tell anyone.

Every grown man

is actually controlled by their ten-year-old self.

They are constantly urging you to bunk off work

and spend the mortgage payment on something far more exciting.

I myself, I like to buy spaceships.

I think that everyone is entitled to a "Me day".

Everyone.

I've got to get going.

Thank you, Dr Haskey.

Take care. I will do.

Oh, hello.

I wasn't expecting you.

How was the thing with your replica?

Oh, um...I missed it. I got waylaid at the hospital.

That's a shame. Yeah. I'm behind on my paperwork, so I thought I'd...

Um...how was your day?

Well, I was looking for a job and then I found a job,

and then it turns out there never was a job.

And heaven knows you're miserable now.

I'm all right. Something came up.

No, no, no. It was Morrissey, you know.

# And heaven knows I'm miserable now. #

Yeah? PHONE RINGS

No. Hello, Mill Health Centre.

Oh! Yes. No, he's here.

Um...it's Mrs Leyton.

Hey, Verity. How's Cleo doing?

'Yeah, she's fine, but I've just realised'

Blake still has your spaceship.

I'm so sorry. In all the stress, I just...

No, it's fine. He can keep it.

No, I'll bring it to you tomorrow. No.

I think it's best that it's played with and not sat on some shelf.

Are you sure?

Yeah, I'm sure. And he really liked it, didn't he? Yeah.

And, er...just so you know,

my husband and I have had a discussion

and we've both agreed he's a complete idiot.

And, er...we're going to have a Verity and Duncan day once a month.

Well, that sounds like a fine idea to me.

Thank you. Bye-bye.

OK. Bye.

What?

It turns out you are a mature, fully-formed adult after all.

VALERIE CHUCKLES

Valerie?

Oi! That could have blinded me.

Why don't we tell her we couldn't get planning permission?

Or the house is subsiding?

You need to be straight with her.

It'll make things worse if you lie. OK.

Hey, Mum. You look good.

I was just saying to Zara that we should all go on a family day out soon.

Anywhere you fancy. Perhaps a safari park?

Remember that time the giraffe ate your hat? Ha!

Why are you being strange with me?

I'm not.

Get to the point.

There's something I need to say first.

I don't want the granny flat.

What? That's a shame. Are you sure?

I've still too much life left in me.

I'm a passionate woman

whose body aches with desire and longing.

Too much information, Mum.

And I'm not letting a bunch of judgmental gossips

make me hide away in a drab garage conversion in dreary suburbia.

It would've been quite nice, actually.

I know you were looking forward to having me here and I do appreciate it,

but I'm flying back to Crete tomorrow.

We understand. Oh, that's a relief!

I thought you'd be upset...

now we've bonded.

Oh! Sorry, I must pack.

Oh! Did you want to say something?

Er...no. No, no. Just glad you're feeling better.

I never thought I'd say this, but I might actually miss her.

Wow!

ZARA CHUCKLES

She is such a hypocrite!

Who? Mrs Tembe.

She can't wait to get rid of me.

These kids need all the help they can get. Our kids need help!

These kids have serious problems!

You could've stayed at mine. Really?

Well, it's better than your desk.

Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! What are you doing?

You should never go back inside a burning building.

BEEPING

What exactly happened? No idea.

How are we supposed to treat him when we don't know what's wrong?

If something happens to me... I'd love it if you took the kids.