Bitten Doctors

CLATTER

DOG WHINES

Skipper?

Where are you, boy?

Oh!

Aah!

DOG WHINES

Oh, Skipper! What have you done now?!

Ah!

You're missing your mum, aren't you? Me too.

Stop staring.

You're beautiful first thing in the morning.

Why are you being nice?

Just being reassuring.

Why do I need reassurance?

You don't...

Oh!

-SHE LAUGHS

-Your face!

You're going to make me late for work!

And before you ask, I don't need my back scrubbing.

You wait till I get you to Stratford!

HE HUMS A TUNE

-What?

-You.

-What?!

-Smug. More than usually smug.

Well...yeah, things are going well, so, why not?

Pride comes before a fall.

-Seriously?

-I'm all for feeling self-satisfied,

but just try not to broadcast it too much.

That, coming from you?

I have no idea what you're talking about.

SHE HUMS A TUNE

Ooh! Is it all right to pinch a bit of fruit for my break?

My house is your house.

Mm-hm. Right, I'll have an apple, a pear,

and, while we're on the subject,

you can slice this on your bran flakes.

Oh, I'd give anything for a fresh croissant and some strawberry jam.

Ah, it's a tough life.

-You look so at home here.

-Hm!

So, when are you going back to work?

I'm not coming back while Anthony is still in charge.

All right, but if the partners have made a decision,

you need to think about your future.

-I'm not going to retire.

-You wouldn't have to.

You could teach, you could be a locum, you could retrain.

Whatever is it, you need to plan ahead.

I am. Have you thought about moving in?

Oh, your timing is terrible.

Well, let's talk about it at lunch.

OK, fine, fine, fine. Right, I'll see you later.

Mm! Nice. Banana(!)

-SHE HUMS A TUNE

-Banana!

Well, it was an enlightening visit to King's Green, wasn't it?

Mrs Tembe was a revelation.

Yes. It was quite a performance.

We definitely need to keep her in a senior position.

Whoa, let's not get ahead of ourselves.

There's been a lot of miscommunication lately,

which wouldn't have happened on her watch.

-I think that's slightly overstating things a little.

-I don't.

-I also think it'll help the situation with Heston.

-How so?

If Mrs Tembe's in a position of influence,

then she might be able to persuade him to come back.

Let's slow down.

I think it's too soon to be discussing the minutiae.

Minutiae?

Sorry. Unfortunate choice of words.

I meant, the merger hasn't happened yet.

It's too soon to discuss details.

So stop cantering on ahead.

I think we can discuss Jimmi's and anybody else's ideas

as and when the time comes. Agreed?

100%.

-DOORBELL

-Coming!

DOG BARKS

I'm sorry, it takes me a while to get to the door.

-Not a problem, sir. Mr Swann, is it?

-Yes.

Scott Duckenfield, Sendo TV. About your box.

Oh, yes, of course. Come in.

-DOG BARKS

-It's all right, Skipper.

The, er...the dog's made a bit of a mess of the place.

Oh, it's all right. I've got a dog myself.

-Sometimes you wonder who owns who.

-Yeah, you're right there.

So you say you've got no picture at all?

No, not a peep. And I'm lost without my telly.

No worries. I'll soon get it sorted for you.

Ah, thanks. It's Alan, by the way.

Nice to meet you.

There are bound to be other interested parties, all big fish.

You think we can beat that level of competition?

We're going to have submit a knockout proposal.

We can do that with bells on.

That's all it's going to take?

We've got the talent, we're forward-thinking.

-But we don't have lots of money.

-It's not all about money.

We're kidding ourselves, surely.

That kind of defeatist attitude gets us absolutely nowhere.

I can't promise any easy answers,

but I can reveal we've got some useful contacts.

Anthony and I are playing golf

with a King's Green partner this afternoon.

Golf?

Oh. Hi, Ayesha. I'm running a bit late,

-so would you mind grabbing me a sandwich or something?

-'What kind?'

Anything. Oh! Except prawn cocktail

and...and not ham. It's not real.

-'What are you talking about, fantasy ham?'

-No, I mean it's reconstituted...

Anyway, I'll leave it with you. Cheers.

-Here to see Alan?

-Yeah, that's it.

-Dead.

-Sorry?

Alan's box. Got to fit a new one. He's in the kitchen.

Thank you.

Alan.

Oh, I...

wasn't expecting you, Doctor.

Um...Karen rang last week to arrange a visit.

Oh, yes. Oh, I'm sorry. I should write these things down.

Not to worry. Only you have been cancelling appointments lately,

so I just wanted to come by and make sure you're OK.

-DOG BARKS

-Argh!

DOG BARKS

OK. Just keep very still, all right? Er...

Alan, call Skipper off.

He has never done anything like this ever before in his life!

Something must have happened!

All I did was plug in your box! Get him out!

Come on, Skipper, come on. Away, away!

Put him back in the garden, or...

Right, I need to have a look at that ear.

-Where are you going?

-To my next job.

Just stop and think for a moment, OK? You've just had a shock.

HE SIGHS

Winnie the Wig was in good form, wasn't she?

-ANTHONY CHUCKLES

-Who?

-Oh, keep up.

-It's just our practice's pet name for her.

Oh, right. Does she know?

-Are you kidding?

-She'd have your guts for garters! If she wore any.

Don't get me wrong, she's a fantastic woman

and what she lacks in style, she makes up for in efficiency.

So, let's get this show on the road, shall we?

-Just play along, Daniel.

-No problem.

Well, um...the good news is, your ear's not going to fall off.

Hear that, Jason? I'm not going to lose my ear.

But you are going to need stitches and a tetanus,

-so you do need to go to A&E.

-Oh, no!

I've got to go to hospital. I'll drop the van off later.

-Um...Scott?

-Hang on. What?!

-There's no way you can drive now.

-You are kidding me?!

Someone'll have to come and pick the van up.

Sorry, mate.

I'll keep you posted. Cheers.

-That's half a day's pay gone!

-I'm sorry.

But the sooner that gets sorted, the better.

I'd like you to hold some sterile dressing on it

until we get you there.

HE SIGHS

You all right, Alan?

I don't understand it. He's...he's always been so friendly.

-Haven't you heard of dog training?!

-You should be resting.

You knew he was out of control!

I never dreamt he was going to hurt you. Please believe me!

-I'll have to report it.

-No!

No, don't.

-He's all I've got.

-Don't start!

-Look, Scott, just calm down.

-Why?!

-In case you...

pass out.

SHE CHUCKLES

You really wanted the carbonara, didn't you?

-Am I that transparent?

-I wouldn't go that far.

Well, thank you for rising to the challenge.

Here's to us!

To us.

Our future life together.

Mm. This chilli is exactly what I needed after the day that I've had.

Hell on wheels is the only way to describe it.

Mm-mm!

OK, well, your blood pressure's fine now, but

you have got to keep calm, Scott, OK?

Just try and stay still until the paramedics arrive, yeah?

What if he attacked a little kid?

Skipper's never let loose. We don't go for a walk now.

What - not ever?

How far can I walk with osteoarthritis?

Mate, if you can't control him, you should get rid.

He's my best friend.

Oh. Come on.

Ohhhh!

-I've shanked that one.

-Bad luck.

Not to worry, you're still two shots ahead of me.

I need more practise.

Chance would be a fine thing, wouldn't it?

Oh, I don't know. I'm toying with the idea of early retirement.

-Really?

-It's a bit of a pipe dream, really.

If I were to withdraw my capital from King's Green now, it'd be a body blow.

Yes, I suppose it would.

Shot!

You know, partners are allowed to retire.

But bad timing, though, isn't it, with the business up for grabs?

I'd feel like I was abandoning a sinking ship.

Here's your fresh dressing.

A man shouldn't have to go through this when he's trying to make a living.

You're seeing the light now, are you? About time.

I was a plumber. I used to...go to people's houses.

I know how vulnerable you can feel.

I'm sorry.

-That's your wife, yeah?

-Mm. Yeah.

Pat chose Skipper.

Well, we went to the dogs' home

and he ran towards her, like she was his long-lost owner.

-HE CHUCKLES

-Love at first sight.

My wife wanted one of them spaniel jobs. Cavalier King Charles.

I said to her, "There's no way am I being seen in public with a dog like that".

THEY CHUCKLE

THEY LAUGH

They won me over, her and our two girls.

'Course, I'm the only one that ever takes him for walks.

Heh! You get fond of them.

Yeah...you do.

When Pat was ill, he used to take her the morning paper.

He'd lie by the door, waiting for it to come through the letterbox.

The paper lad used to shout, "Morning, Skipper!" Heh!

When she died, he was running around the house

with a paper in his mouth, looking for her.

It was heartbreaking.

Then one day, he just lay down and, er...ripped it to shreds.

You can't explain stuff like you can to a person.

-No.

-DOORBELL

That'll be the paramedics.

There you go, saved by the bell.

How do you mean?

I'm going to give him another chance, OK?

Out of respect to your wife's memory and that.

Thank you.

Thank you.

That's Scott there.

Cappuccino with chocolate sprinkles, please. Thank you.

Heston?

Nothing for me, thanks.

I really wanted that salted caramel tart.

Ruhma, when are you and the kids going to move in?

Whoa! That's very direct.

I'd like you to be direct with me.

OK. This isn't a good time.

I disagree. I think it's a great time.

You've had a lovely meal, you're not due back at work for an hour.

-I know it's a cliche, but it really is complicated.

-Why?

Two stroppy teenagers.

-Bring it on, as they say.

-They've got exams coming up.

-We can work around that. I can help them.

-Heston?

-I'm very fond of them.

-Well, that's lovely, but I'm not sure

how they'd feel about us being together so openly.

They're at an awkward age and they're easily embarrassed.

Let's have a family conference and discuss it.

-They don't do conference.

-Oh, stop mollycoddling them.

I'm not! And I never have.

They need to understand how important this is to you and me

and they will benefit in the long run.

They are not going to buy that.

Well, I'm not saying it's an easy conversation.

Look, this is a very big step.

We've always been this very tight unit of three.

Ruhma...are you saying you don't want to move in with me?

Not exactly. I am saying I think it's best for all concerned

if we just stay as we are. For now.

SKIPPER BARKS

Oh! I'll have the neighbours complaining about him barking again.

Skipper! Pipe down!

What happened here?

Oh, er...he, er...he just got a bit upset. He misses Pat.

I'm sure he does, but do you think he was maybe just looking for food?

May I?

Oh, I know what you're thinking, Old Mother Hubbard.

It's just that I haven't been to the shops yet. Oh!

Alan, come and sit down.

Is it your knee?

HE GROANS

Ooh! That must be painful.

Tell me about it.

So...Skipper's hungry and he hasn't been for a walk for ages.

It's not been that long.

It looks as though you've both lost weight.

How often would you say you go for a shop?

Say, once a week, maybe?

Look...you can get help with that, you know.

Or just do it online and then have it delivered.

And risk getting my credit card hacked? No chance!

Look, I may not be kicking, but at least I'm alive.

What more can you expect at my age?

Is it fair to say that your knee

is stopping you from getting out and about?

Well, there's not much you can do with osteoarthritis.

I could give you a stronger treatment,

it might make life a bit easier for you.

But I can't fix Skipper, I'm afraid.

I know. That's my department.

SKIPPER BARKS

It's all right, Skipper, I'm coming!

Um...you can't let him in.

Oh, he won't bite you!

Look, I think he could smell Scott's dog.

Rival male, you know?

How can you know that for sure?

I mean, you've no idea what's going on inside his head,

or what he's going to do next.

You haven't, have you?

Look, if Skipper attacks me, I'd have to report it to the police.

I can't leave him out there indefinitely.

All right, um... I'll move to the living room.

Let him in, but keep the doors shut, OK?

HE SIGHS

-Well done!

-Nice one, Daniel.

-Can tell you're on top form.

-That's kind of you, thank you.

Focus, balance, steady pair of hands.

Just the sort of guy you need in a business.

-Such as King's Green?

-I want to merge with people I respect,

not just the biggest organisation.

Unfortunately, money does talk.

Yes, but only to an extent.

-You mean because of your retirement?

-No, there's...there's more.

Your shot, I think, Anthony.

Get ready for one humdinger of a pitch.

-Confident, isn't he?

-He is.

It's all right, I can manage!

Well, I think you'd manage a bit better with mobility aids.

Um...does it hurt going upstairs?

Huh! What do you think?

So, you're sleeping down here?

-SKIPPER BARKS

-Be quiet, Skipper!

Well, you know how it is. You get comfortable, you don't want to move.

And you... fall asleep in your clothes?

Sometimes!

And then, um...in the morning,

do you get up and get washed, or...?

Skipper, shut up!

I've got my standards!

I know, I know, um... I'm just wondering

whether they're...slipping, that's all.

Do you think you might be depressed, Alan?

Depressed! What have I got to be depressed about?

My wife's dead and the dog's gone crazy.

-CLATTER

-Oh, what's he up to now?

He'll be at that cupboard under the sink.

There'll be stuff all over the floor again!

Aargh!

Oh! Oh!

Give me a break, you stupid dog!

Alan! Just...stop, OK?

Please. You'll hurt yourself.

Heston...

Please say something.

I think I've said quite enough already.

I've made a complete fool of myself.

No, you haven't.

It's lovely that you feel committed to me and the kids.

Feelings which are clearly not reciprocated.

That's not true.

-Dating is romantic.

-Dating?

OK, that's not the right word...

-I'll get that.

-It was my idea.

I've got a couple of errands to run.

Have a pleasant afternoon.

He's all I've got.

He shouldn't be! You need other people.

A club to go to, or holidays to go on.

I mean, who knows what you could do, once we get that medication sorted?

I can't leave Skipper in the house on his own.

That's kind of my point.

It's not just about the essential stuff like food and walks.

What about fun?

Someone to play with?

Those days are over for me.

Yeah, but...not for him.

What are you suggesting?

Relationships break down.

I know you love Skipper and he loves you...

..but this isn't working for either of you.

And I think you know that yourself.

What do you want me to do?

Do what you think's right for him.

He was always Pat's dog.

She used to pamper him,

let him climb on the chairs and sometimes even the bed.

I always thought that a dog should know its place,

but he never did.

Sometimes he looks at me.

"Who do you think YOU are, telling ME what to do?!"

Alan...

he badly hurt someone today and he could do it again.

You need to let him go.

The sooner he goes to someone who can look after him properly,

the sooner you can both move on with your lives.

-ANTHONY:

-'Could I ask you a personal question?'

Depends.

Would withdrawing your stake in King's Green give you

sufficient funds to enjoy your retirement?

Well...

I might have to lower my standards a little.

I see.

Well, perhaps we could help you with that.

That's extremely kind. I'm quite overcome.

How overcome?

Well, I feel I should offer you something in return.

Anything spring to mind?

Let me see.

A greater insight into the state of play at King's Green?

I'd be relying on your discretion.

You have it.

Both of you.

Sure.

Not even Winnie knows this.

We won't breathe a word. Especially not to Winnie.

Another partner is thinking of retiring.

Which changes the financial picture even further.

-No-one else knows about this?

-Of course not.

But the other bidders may not be interested anyway.

How so?

Well, for example, I could say that King's Green is a practice

stuck in the past, with widespread disillusionment

and conflict amongst the staff,

and no clear leadership to speak of.

And that in my opinion, it's not worth a cent of anyone's money.

That...might work.

Eliminate the competition by putting them off, you mean?

I like the way you do business at the Mill, Anthony. I want you to win.

Do we have a deal?

We most certainly do.

Wait...

He'll need his teddy.

No. No, this is wrong!

Alan, he'll be fine. They'll take him to a boarding centre until he's ready to be re-homed.

Pat would never forgive me.

I'm sure she would understand.

Yeah, but he won't, would he? Look, he thinks I'm abandoning him.

-It's cruel!

-It's not cruel.

You're giving him a chance.

A new start.

I want it to be the way it was, with Pat.

Just the three of us.

I love him, Doctor. But...

I just can't bear to spend another day with him.

-That's a terrible thing to say, isn't it?

-No, no.

It's honest.

Yeah.

Well... I'd better say goodbye.

Goodbye, my lovely boy.

I'm sorry I let you down, I didn't mean to.

Hey - now, you listen to me, you do what they tell you

and behave yourself. And then they'll find a lovely home for you.

And you'll be spoilt rotten like you used to be.

You'll forget about me. You will!

And they'll find you a lovely, nice place with a lovely, sunny garden,

and you'll be able to run around and get lot of treats and...

OK. Thanks.

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

-Hi.

-'They'd sold out of egg, chicken and BLT.

'Ended up with cheese and pickle.'

-'Sid?'

-Um... It's OK,

I think I've missed lunch anyway.

'What's up?'

No, I'm fine. I'll see you later.

Always a pleasure, Adrian.

No need to rush off so soon, is there? We all deserve a drink.

-Sounds very civilized!

-Good, I'll get them in.

We're right behind you.

What just happened there?

We got what we came for - insider information into the merger proposal.

-But you offered him money.

-You didn't expect him to tell us for nothing, did you?

-So, technically that's a bribe, isn't it?

-Would you rather he enlightened some of the others?

-Because he would have done, if we hadn't taken the bait.

-Anthony, it's illegal.

-I had no idea you were such a boy scout.

-I'm not.

I'd just rather things were above board, that's all.

Where's the fun in that?

You're starting to sound like Winnie the Wig.

You've got to be a player to get on in this world, you know that as well as I do.

"Above board" gets you a lifetime of graft with very little reward at the end.

That's if you even make it to the end.

You are much, much cleverer than that!

What do you say?

Let's go and get that drink.

You're as bad as the rest of them!

You put that down immediately, or I'll call the police.

Mrs Stinner!

# I love you more than you think. #

Whoa...

-What?

-Whatever you do, don't look in the bathroom.

What on earth is all this racket?

-THEY TALK OVER EACH OTHER

-Miss Stinner missed her appointment, and Nurse Harris...

Just stop!