01/12/2012 EastEnders Omnibus

ALARM RINGS

SPARKS CRACKLE

OBJECTS FALL

Lauren? Lauren?

Hey, Lauren.

Lauren?

I want to go home to my mum's and forget this place, forget you, forget any of it ever happened.

Why? Because of Joey? Because of what happened? He hit himself in the face!

Oh, yeah, as you do.

Look at my fists, look!

Does it look like I've hit anyone? Does it?

He had blood all over his face. Why the hell would he do that?

Because he wants to split us up.

He's a horrible, wicked, evil, twisted little...

He just wants to hurt me.

Yeah, course he does.

All right then, you call him up.

You call him up and you tell him that you want to hear the truth.

The truth. The total truth. From him.

Yeah, and he's just going to confess to his evil plan, is he?

Don't do this to me, Alice! Don't do this to us.

ALARM RINGS

Come on!

SPARKS CRACKLE

FUEL DRIPS

SPARKS CRACKLE

Lauren? Lauren, come on.

Right, let's get you out of here, come on.

Come on, come on!

PHONE RINGS

Alice, listen we've had an accident.

Me and Lauren. Seymour Street.

Get someone down here, police, ambulance...

Just get someone here, all right?

Now!

Joey?

Well, what did he say?

Lauren?

Joey?

-Lauren, you all right?

-What's going on?

Stay still, all right, yeah? Stay still.

I've got blood all over me.

Joey, I can't move! Can you get me out of here?

I'm trying, all right, Lauren, I'm trying.

SHE SCREAMS

I'll come with you.

-No, you stay here!

-I want to come with you.

You stay here and you phone an ambulance.

Dad! Dad, my phone!

-Come on. Come on.

-Careful.

LAUREN COUGHS

METAL SCREECHES

Joey, don't...

Right, let's go. Come on. Let's go.

LAUREN COUGHS AND CRIES

JOEY COUGHS

LAUREN COUGHS

Look, you did what you did with the best of intentions, didn't you?

Your mum will see that.

They both will.

FIRE CRACKLES

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

No!

Joey! Joey!

-Joey!

-Over here. We're in here!

I'm at the front!

Are you all right? Joey, are you all right?

Joey!

Joey, Joey!

What we've got to do, Joe, we've got to move this unit, OK?

Ready? One, two, three.

Yes!

One more time, Joe. This is the one.

Lauren, come on.

Yes, you can. You can do it. You can do it. Come on.

Come on. Out you come. Out you come.

That's it, that's it, girl. That's it.

Good girl, good girl.

Joey, give me your hand. Joey, come and give me your hand!

Joey, come on! Look at me.

That's it, that's it. That's it.

THEY COUGH

JOEY COUGHS

Now we know where she is, we can get always back in touch.

No!

You are not meddling any more in my life.

-Cora, she's only trying to help.

-Oh, shut up!

I don't want to hear from you.

She's trying to make the best of a difficult situation.

All right, Max, why don't you just...

I don't know, go and make some tea.

Yes, go and make some tea, Max. Everything will be all right then(!)

-Mum, listen...

-I gave that girl away.

It wasn't up to you to bring her back into my life.

It wasn't YOUR decision to make.

Yeah, well, I tried to talk to you about it.

-When?!

-The other day! Before I went.

I was hinting and I tried to bring it up with you.

Why, you too scared to just ask?

What did you think I'd say?

I dunno.

Yes, you do! You know exactly.

I would have told you to keep out of it.

I would have said no!

SIRENS WAIL

Right, budge over. We've got to get out of here.

What you talking about? She needs an ambulance.

Joey, Joey, you have just driven a car through a shop window.

Do you not think there's going to be repercussions?

-I did it.

-What?

I was driving.

-Have you been drinking, Lauren?

-No. No, she hasn't.

Lauren, have you been drinking? How much? How much?

A couple. Doubles...

What are we going to do? They're going to breathalyse her!

Right. You were driving.

-She weren't.

-What?

Joey, if she gets done she goes to prison.

Now, you just stick to the story and let me do the talking, all right?

All right?

Mum, I just wanted to see what kind of person she was.

So why didn't you come back and tell me?

Because...

I thought I'd....

I thought I'd made a mistake and I should let it lie.

Why?

I don't know.

-Cos she was black?

-No, Mum, it wasn't like that!

She was nice.

She was so nice.

And now she's come back into my life,

taken a good, hard look at me

and walked away.

You know what? Maybe if you weren't so closed off,

maybe if you weren't so wrapped up in yourself all the time,

maybe if you talked to me a bit now and then, we wouldn't be in this mess.

It's my fault, is it? Rainie and her drugs? Your dad's cancer?

I never said that.

I didn't handle that very well.

I didn't handle this baby well.

It's all MY fault.

I did what you didn't have the guts to do.

-And what's that?

-Look your own daughter in the eye.

The daughter you abandoned.

No, no, no. I wasn't actually driving the car, Officer,

I'd lent it to my son.

Isn't that right, Joe?

Yeah, he lent it to me.

So YOU were driving?

-Yeah.

-Alone?

No, I... I had my friend with me. My cousin.

And as you can see, she's a bit beat-up at the moment, poor love.

So what happened?

Well, I was driving.

There was this dog came out of nowhere, so I swerved and...

You been drinking?

-No.

-I need to take a breathalyser test from you, sir.

Right, if you'd like to step this way.

All right, Joe.

LAUREN CRIES

Now, stay there, stay there.

-Stay there, darling.

-Where's he going? What's happening?

Look, look. Listen, nothing's going to happen, right?

They're going to see to you, OK.

Now, Lauren, Lauren, look at me.

Right, you wasn't driving the car, Joey was. Do you understand?

Do you understand? Good girl.

Now, you just keep your mouth shut and do exactly what I say, all right?

You want to know why I keep myself to myself?

Why I don't talk about my feelings?

It's because I've got a daughter like you. Like you.

Pretends to care about everyone,

really it's all about herself,

All how she wants it.

Her perfect little life.

Well, life ain't like that, Tanya.

No, it's not, is it, Mum?

My life is far from perfect.

Perfect marriage? No.

Perfect kids? No.

Perfect mum, who tells you she loves you,

gives you a little cuddle now and then,

a word of reassurance?

No.

The only time in my life that I've ever felt close to you

is when I had cancer.

That's it. That's what it takes for you...

For you to open up to your own flesh and blood.

Oh, I didn't give you cuddles?

I didn't pat you on the head

and tell you you were a good little girl?

That isn't what I'm saying, and you know it.

You want to know why I'm like the way I am?

You want to know why I'm not like other mothers?

Why I'm not like other people?

Why I can't love like other people?

It's because of that woman.

That woman who just walked out of here.

I was barely 18 when I had her

and it broke my heart.

And I never...

never loved anyone properly since.

So that's why.

That's why I'm like I am.

Dried-up old thing.

Barely a woman.

That's why, my girl.

You make one mistake

and it just follows you.

And now, you just rubbed my face in that mistake.

And all the years of trying to forget,

trying to put it behind me?

I'm right back there...

feeling exactly as I felt

when I let them take her out of my arms.

So...

don't tell me how you care.

Don't tell me how you love.

I don't want to know.

Do you understand?

Do you understand?

SHE SOBS

Babe...

You OK?

BANGING ON DOOR

-Do you want me to go over there?

-Uncle Max!

-Not now, Alice.

-It's Lauren. There's been an accident.

You'll be all right, Lauren, all right?

They're going to sort you out then the police want a word, all right?

What did you tell them?

That I was driving. OK? It was an accident.

That's all they need to know.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

I'll see you in a bit, all right?

That was Max on the phone, doing his nut.

Is she going to stay schtum?

Yeah, yeah, I dunno. I think so, yeah.

Are you all right?

Look, you got to pull yourself together, Joe.

You're shaken up, all right? OK?

Joey Branning?

Could you come with me, please?

-I've got to go with the nurse.

-Yeah, go on, go on, go on.

I'll be waiting right here, eh?

Right here. I won't move an inch.

-You shouldn't blame Tanya, you know.

-Oh, I don't.

Not entirely.

I blame you. I trusted you.

I told you about the most secret, precious thing in my life,

and you went straight over and blabbed to my daughter.

-No, it wasn't quite like that.

-Oh...

How was it then?

It was just a misunderstanding.

The only misunderstanding is this - you and me.

This...friendship.

I don't ever want to see you again.

Come on, Cora, you don't mean that.

You can see yourself out.

DOOR RATTLES, FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

Tanya, Max. Max!

-Where is she? Is she all right?

-She's fine. She's fine.

-She's being examined by the doctor.

-What about Joey?

-Yeah, he's all right, angel.

-He was driving your motor, wasn't he?

-Yeah, they borrowed it.

-Then you took one of mine and went after them?

-No, it wasn't like that.

-Why can't you tell the truth?

I am telling the truth. Look, there was a bit of a disagreement

-but that was all sorted out.

-Derek, why was Joey driving your motor?

You'll have to ask him, won't you?

I'm the hero in this. I was the first on the spot. I pulled 'em out.

-If it wasn't for me, they'd both be dead now.

-I swear to you,

If anything's happened to my daughter, I hold you responsible.

Talk to Joey, he'll explain everything.

-What happened?

-Well, go on.

It was an accident. All right, Max.

Look, I was driving and there was a dog in the road so I swerved.

It just happened so quickly.

Right.

So where were you going?

-CROAKS:

-I don't know.

Go on, enlighten me. Go on, what were you doing?

Nothing, just driving around.

-Just driving around with my daughter by your side?

-Yes.

What, being a big man? Is that how you're going to repay me, Joey,

after all I've done for you? I've given you a job,

I've taken you in. Now, now, what are you going to do?

-Put my daughter's life in danger?

-He said it was an accident.

He's just written your car off!

All right, just calm down. Let's find out what the police said.

I don't know, they're in there now, talking to Lauren.

Come on.

No, no, it wasn't his fault.

He was just driving and then I...

And then we swerved.

Why?

I don't know. I honestly... I just can't remember.

So he swerved?

Yes.

And the next thing I know we were in that shop

and I couldn't see anything and I was trapped

and then there was blood all over me. And then Joey got me out

and that's it... I can't remember anything. KNOCK ON DOOR

-Hi, we're her mum and dad.

-Mum!

-Darling, I was so scared.

-Oh, look at you.

-You all right?

That'll do for now. If we need any more, we'll be in touch.

-Thank you for your time.

-Thanks.

-Are you all right?

-You OK?

-Careful, Max.

Don't worry about anything, me and your dad will sort it all out.

What about Joey?

Don't worry about him, your dad's having a word with him right now.

He's not going to pull a stunt like that again.

-Mum, it wasn't his fault.

-Lauren, you don't have to protect him.

I know what boys are like, they think the faster they drive...

-No, Mum, he wasn't driving.

-What?

It was me.

I was driving and I'd had a drink, so I lied.

I lied to the police and Joey said that it was him.

Lauren, what are you talking about?

-He covered for me because Uncle Derek told him to.

-Derek?

Yeah, he said I was going to go to prison, Mum!

All right, all right. Calm down, calm down, don't worry.

-I can sort this out.

-I just want Joey.

-You want Joey?

-Yes. I want Joey.

-Can you just get Joey now, please?

-All right, calm down, Lauren.

Listen, you can't tell Dad this, please. Please, do not tell Dad.

What are you talking about?

We're together.

I love him, Mum. I really, really love him.

That's the thing about near-death experiences, isn't it?

They really make you appreciate what you got - or what you haven't.

You are going to tell Alice that you was wrong

about this banging-your-face-up nonsense.

You made a mistake.

It happens.

Then you're going to tell her that we've had a breakthrough.

A father-son moment. That we're best of friends now. That we're close.

We're just like that, after all these years.

What are you talking about, Derek?

-I saved you. You saw the light.

-No, no, no, no, no,

you lied to the police.

That's it. Now I've said thank you. It don't change a thing.

I saved you.

I lied for you.

I even kept schtum about you and Lauren,

as disgusting and as unnatural as that is.

You do not talk about Lauren like that, all right?

Oh, what, do you love her, do you?

She's your flesh and blood, Joe!

How could you do that?!

Now, let me make this very clear.

You're going to go to Alice

and you're going to tell her that you're moving in.

You're going to come down to breakfast

with a big smile on your face every day

and you are going to call me Dad.

You're going to worship the ground that I walk on,

all grievances apart.

Never going to happen.

-Really?

-Mm.

Well, I wonder what the Old Bill would do

if they was to find out that you wasn't driving.

That it was her.

They'd have to breathalyse her.

-And then what would happen? Mm?

-Go on.

Go on then, go ahead. Go on, Derek.

See what I care. She don't mean anything to me, does she?

She's just another bit of skirt.

One of many. She ain't the first, and she certainly won't be the last.

So you don't love her?

HE LAUGHS

Love?

Well, it's never really been my thing, has it?

Then prove it.

What?

Prove it.

You go in there right now and you tell her you don't love her.

Tell her you don't want her any more, and you break her heart.

You got a choice, Joe.

Be my son,

or dump her, right here, right now.

How is she, Tan?

She's been better.

She wants to see you.

It's up to you, Joe.

One way or the other.

What was that all about?

Just father-son stuff.

He's a good boy, really.

Yeah.

Yeah, Lauren seems to like him.

She likes him a lot.

-What has she said to you?

-She's said it all.

About them two being together.

What you just did.

What?

Lying to the police.

HE CHUCKLES

You know the thing about you, Tanya, that I really despise

is your superiority complex.

The way you look down on everyone around you

when really all you are is a frustrated housewife,

hurtling towards middle age.

Do not meddle in my daughter's life.

Then don't you ever cross me!

I'm telling you.

If it wasn't for me, your little girl would be doing time.

So I deserve a little bit of respect,

a little bit of familial love.

Do you understand me?

Otherwise your little princess might find herself

doing a stretch in Holloway.

Now, you be nice to me.

And I'll be nice to you.

Very nice.

It's up to you, Tan,

whatever way you want it.

FOOTSTEPS APPROACH

-Everything all right?

-Mmm-hmm.

I was so scared.

Yeah. Yeah, me too.

Are you OK?

-HOARSE:

-Yeah.

What's wrong?

Nothing. Nothing, Lauren, nothing.

It's just, um...

Just this whole thing, Lauren, isn't it?

You know, this...

It's got me thinking.

Maybe... Maybe you and me...

-..we'll just have to cool it off for a while, eh?

-What?

I just think that maybe this whole thing was a mistake.

-A mistake?

-Yeah.

-What do you mean? What kind of mistake?

-A total mistake.

Lauren, I just... I just think that we should just...

You said. You said you loved me.

I lied.

-Joey!

-I'll see you around, all right?

Joey!

You see Pops, you see - you and me, yeah?

We're written in the stars.

Cos that kiss was out of this world, yeah?

So, why don't we jump on board this romantic rocket

and ride it somewhere hotter than the sun, huh?

Sounds good, I'll get me toothbrush.

Mo! I wish you wouldn't let yourself in like that.

Spot-checks. It's in the rental agreement, Arthur.

Yeah, but we never signed no agreement.

Must've been verbal, then.

It's just that... I get a little freaked out, so...

Good job you're usually asleep when I visit at night, then, eh?

Lucky girl, that Poppy.

If I was only 20 years younger...

-Give me that jacket.

-All right?

-Sit down.

-Be careful.

-Just slowly.

-Go slowly, go slow, go slow.

-Ow!

-All right?

-You all right?

-Yeah.

I could make breakfast.

No, I tell you what you can do. You can get a bin bag,

stick Joey's stuff in it, will you, please?

-No!

-You think it's all right?

-Him doing a runner, state he left you in?

-Not now, Max.

He nearly killed her, then strolls into the sunset like nothing happened!

-No, Dad, it wasn't like that...

-There is no sense in making Lauren relive this.

Could you put the kettle on? We can do the whys and wherefores later.

MAX SIGHS

Mum. You KNOW that it wasn't Joey's fault.

The crash maybe, but that doesn't excuse the rest of it.

-I love him, Mum. I do.

-He's your COUSIN, Lauren!

We knew you wouldn't understand. That's why we were running away.

You count yourself lucky

your dad doesn't know what's been going on under his roof.

-I don't care who knows!

-Yes, you do care! You do!

You might not think you do right now,

but in the long run, you will care.

Mum, I just need you to go and get him. Please.

Cos I can't live without him.

He's probably miles away by now.

Nice to see you, son.

Glad to see you've had a change of heart.

I haven't.

I've only come back for Alice.

You haven't been over the road yet?

Why would I?

I thought you might be sticking around a bit longer,

you know, what with everything that's happened.

That's what families do, isn't it?

In a moment of crisis, they stick together.

Sorry, Dad. It's too late.

Who was there when you needed help, eh?

Who was the one who pulled you out of a burning building?!

I'm the victim in this as well, you know - it's my car he trashed!

Everything I tried with you - what do I get back? Nothing!

Don't let him destroy what we've got here, Alice!

Don't!

You hungry?

Want to look at my new shoes?

This conversation hasn't finished. Do you hear me?

All right?

-I didn't expect you back this soon...

-Don't say you forgot, Derek?

Is that a bear's head in there?!

-Is this Alice?

-Yeah.

-Well, you ain't what I was expecting!

All right, darling? Excuse me.

Best thing we can do now is just carry on as normal, isn't it?

-That means you, off to sixth form, please.

-Mum!

Off you go.

You OK, Tan?

Babe? Something else eating you?

If you want to see your mum, I'll wait here, I'll look after Lauren.

You got a lot to sort out, you two, ain't you?

She was right, weren't she?

You mess about in other people's lives and someone always gets hurt.

Well, you did what you thought was best, didn't you?

I can't think about it right now.

Lauren's got to come first. You go to work. I'll keep an eye on her.

Mum can wait.

So where you going to sleep now that we're all back, Uncle Derek?

You ain't been in my bedroom, have you?

Pat wouldn't be spinning in her grave, she'd break out of the coffin

and come back and give me a slap if she knew you'd been sleeping in there!

He hasn't. It's not practical you staying here. Not enough space.

I know that. I know that. Especially now Bianca's out the nick.

-I was leaving today anyway.

-Oh, no!

Look, why don't you and Liam go in with Morgan?

Tiff's at Ricky's anyway until after this Christmas concert thing.

-She's going to be so brilliant, ain't she?

-Course she will. Yeah.

Thanks, Bianca, but Alice's actually heading back to our mum's...

Actually, I was thinking of getting somewhere bigger myself, anyway.

So these two could come and stay whenever they wanted.

Yeah. Well, don't hold your breath, will you? Come on.

-Nice to meet you.

-Yeah. And you.

-See you later.

-See you, Alice. All right?

Excuse me a minute.

You sure they're Derek's kids?

She's like a little mouse and he is WAY too fit.

-Oi!

-I'm just saying!

Bye, Dad.

DOOR SLAMS

DEREK SIGHS

Here, that Fatboy should be more grateful.

-He's got that house at a steal.

-Oh, leave him alone, poor kid.

Here Kat, you seen this?! Front of the gazette.

Bang out of order. Look, "Christmas Cutbacks - no Christmas lights

"on tree in Albert Square this Christmas."

Can't have a Christmas tree without lights or decorations, can you?

That's a bit like, you know... Easter without Easter eggs,

or Passover...

without...passovers?

Well, if you care so much, do something!

And if you want more rent money, get another tenant!

What's pushed her buttons?

Mo, do us a favour, come round the bar and help Kat, will you?

Why? Where you off to?

Well, if the council won't give us Santa Claus,

it's up to yours truly, ain't it, eh?

-So, no-one knows where Janine is?

-Nah.

-She just took off.

-Poor little mite.

Perhaps we should go round to Michael's, see how he's coping.

First things first. I'm going to get myself a job.

Can't that wait? Your prison earnings can tide you over for now.

What, 40 poxy quid?

Just don't go near the caff.

I don't need to.

Things are going to be different now.

Your mum is not relying on hand-outs or dodgy schemes.

I'm going to have a career, maybe even my own business one day.

How is my niece, after her terrible ordeal?

In here.

She's having a lie-down.

And she's in a bad way, not that you care.

Au contraire, Tanya.

Your daughter's welfare is very close to my heart.

Which is why I've kept schtum about her driving that car last night.

Now, the rest.

I think it's important that we discuss this matter

like responsible parents, don't you?

Nothing to discuss. Relationship's over.

Still, I'd like to apologise for Joey going there in the first place.

I mean, cousins with cousins? Urgh!

I don't want my grandchildren growing up with two heads.

-And I'm sure you don't either, do you?

-Right.

Once Joey's out of Walford, we'll have nothing to worry about.

Why is he hanging around? Eh?

Cos he made it clear how little he thinks of Lauren last night,

we both know how he feels about you! So I want him gone.

Well, I'm sure you do.

The problem is that I think, given a bit more time,

Joey and I could blossom into a very touching father-son relationship.

You want to play daddy, go and do it somewhere else.

Yeah, but most of family are here, Tanya,

and I rather like it that way.

I'm even looking for a bigger place -

this is a perfect time to bring Joey back into the fold.

Only he doesn't want to hear that from me.

Which is why I would like you to encourage him.

Give him a nudge.

Why would I do that?

Cos if you don't...

I shall have to retract my statement that I made to the police

backing up Joey's version of events.

And you think they'd believe you, do you? An ex-con?

Cos I think if they had Joey's word over yours,

they'd choose his.

And you're prepared to take that gamble, are you?

I'll tell them why Joey lied.

To cover up for his lover.

Then all your dirty sordid little secrets will be aired in public.

And how will Max take that, eh?

I wouldn't want to be in your shoes,

knowing that you condoned this under his very nose.

You'll break his heart.

Maybe I'd rather tell him myself than have you blackmail me.

DEREK CHUCKLES

We'll see.

You just could have been a bit more polite, that's all.

Dad did help last night.

The only person he helped was himself, Alice.

-That's not true. If he hadn't got there...

-Can you stop fussing?

Alice, I'm fine. Lauren's fine.

-How do you know, when you haven't been to the hospital?

-Cos, Alice,

look - I saw Max and Tanya bringing her back earlier.

She wouldn't be home if she weren't OK, would she?

You never said!

We should go over.

Thank you so much for coming round, I'll give her your love,

-tell her you called in.

-It's what families do, ain't it?

Support each other.

-Was there something else?

-Uh, well...

I got this. When I was in there.

I can cut, colour, perm - you name it! So...

-Oh, that's great!

-I was wondering if you had anything going...?

I'm so sorry, Bianca, but I can't take a junior on right now.

You know me, I'm a self-starter, I don't need baby-sitting, do I?

-What about your old job at the caff?

-Well, um...

Lister's gone and took a court order out.

So, I can't get any work anywhere on the market or Bridge Street.

But, I'm sick of drifting from one dead-end job to the next, really.

But it's all right. I'll try somewhere else.

Bianca.

How was prison for you?

How do you mean?

Fine. Once I started my course the days just flew by...

Bet the nights didn't, though, eh?

-What?

-Well, I was on remand, weren't I?

I remember what it was like. The nights. No distractions...

What do you want me to say, that I cried myself to sleep? No, I didn't.

No, you might've felt like it sometimes. You're only human.

You just switch off, don't you?

Yeah? Is that how you handled it?

Yeah. I suppose so.

Not everyone can do that though, can they?

Yeah, I suppose. See you later.

All right, darling, just... Where do you think you're going?

Thought I'd try Joey's mum's. Cos he might be there.

No, no, no, no. Hang on, we've TALKED about all this.

Mum, I need to talk to him,

I need to know what he's feeling for myself.

Darling, no! What you need is some rest. All right?

Have you heard from him at all?

Any texts or calls?

Nothing. Right. Well, doesn't that tell you something?

Yeah, well, you can't keep me here for ever, can you?

And you definitely can't keep us apart.

I mean, I've nothing against Bianca,

but it wasn't even her first offence, was it?

She's like one of them career criminals.

Sorry, I didn't mean to go on.

I only do that when I'm nervous.

Cool, innit. Whatever.

So...you up to much later?

You know. Man's got plans, so...

Oh, you never said. What plans?

Just some stuff with my peoples, you know.

I know a lot of people. Got to spread the love around those peoples, you get me.

Oh, I didn't realise it was... like that.

Yeah, man. That's how I roll, babe.

-I'll see you around then.

-All right.

Um.. What exactly was that?

What you talking about, man? That's Fatboy playing it cool, bruv!

Like, I was cooler than an Eskimo in an icebox, you get me? Come on!

Eskimo in an icebox...

That wasn't cool, that was rude.

You made it sound like you've got a harem on the go.

-No, I didn't!

-Yeah. You did.

Did I?

Here he is.

Big man.

Funny, innit? Cos my daughter's just come out of hospital,

and you're here having a cup of tea. What's that, Joey?

An iced bun. Very nice.

Max, as soon as Alice's ready to go, I'll be out of your life, all right?

Right, and you don't think you owe me an apology?

Or an explanation? That's how you repay me, Joey, is it?

After everything I've done for you?

Your dad's right about you - you're a selfish boy.

You're a very selfish boy, ain't ya, eh?

You don't care about Lauren, do you? You ain't even asked about her!

You've got no idea how much I care, Max.

Come on Max, leave him alone.

How is she?

I don't really need to tell you that, do I?

I know, Joey.

She's told me everything.

If you cared enough to lie for Lauren,

then why did you just walk out?

Just...thought it was for the best, you know.

For everyone.

Yeah. Well, I can't argue with that.

And how do I know you're not going to just change your story,

-and drop her in it?

-You'll have to trust me.

Well, that's a big ask.

-Will it hold? Your statement?

-Yeah.

With or without Derek's backup?

-He said something?

-Will it hold?

There'll be other jobs.

I ain't bothered. I been phoning a few in here anyway. Who needs Tanya?

Look, I better tell you, I'm starting work in the caff next week.

Oh, my old job?

Well, you know, Ian came good.

Lucy needed someone and I thought at least if I'm there it keeps it all in the family.

It don't matter! It's not your fault I burnt my bridges in the caff.

It's OK, you know. To be a bit overwhelmed. You just got back.

I'm fine!

Come here.

I'm not going anywhere. You know that, don't you?

Listen, your mum just needs a little bit of space, darling.

No, no, honestly - I'm fine.

-Why don't me and you go and get an ice-cream or something?

-Can I, Gran?

-I suppose. Shouldn't you take him round to see Ray?

-Yes!

Ray can wait. Let me keep him to myself for a while longer first.

You might be able to just up and leave, but I can't do that.

Lauren's not just our friend, she's our COUSIN!

-Where's your family loyalty?

-What about your loyalty to me, eh, Alice?

Have you ever stopped to think about how I might feel in all this?

You didn't see her, Joey. It's not just the cuts and the bruises.

She looks like she's had the stuffing knocked out of her.

I'm sorry, but I can't come with you.

I'll give you a shout when I get settled somewhere.

All right?

Just last night

in the hospital

just for one minute, I thought we'd lost her.

I know. I know. Me too.

But we didn't, did we?

She's OK, she's safe.

But how do we keep her safe?

How do we protect her? She thinks she's all grown up, but she ain't.

I know. I know she does.

But we can.

We can protect her. We will.

I promise.

What you grinning about?

When Alfie Moon gets a challenge, Alfie Moon delivers.

A few of the traders out there put some donations in for me...

Ooh, whoopee-di-doo. What's that going to get you, some tinsel?

Oi, madam! Ye of little faith!

Got my ace card up my sleeve, ain't I? The Branning brothers.

-What about 'em?

-Well, they're cash-rich, ain't they?

They've got a few quid and they'll cough up for me.

Thought I'd get a bit of sibling rivalry going

and the community will reap the rewards, won't they?

Tell you what, sweetheart, leave that here,

I'll make this the best Christmas Walford's ever seen! All right?

Cheer up, it could be worse.

What? You reckon, bruv?

I mean, she ain't even answered her phone! All right?

I swear, I've blown it with a goddess, man!

Mo! You got to stop doing that, all right?

What if I'd thought you was a burglar? And I attacked you by accident, huh?

She'd have been fine, she's got me here to protect her.

Mo, you pop round any time you want, darling.

You're my landlady and I respect that.

-Landlady?

-Yeah.

Mo's decided to rent me the house.

And no - I will not be taking in lodgers.

No, but..

Mo, Mo - Mrs H, I thought we had an agreement!

As you pointed out, it's not in writing.

Cheers.

Market forces, I'm afraid.

But I'll always treasure the nights we shared together.

There you go, Del.

No rush, Fatboy. You got an hour.

See, it actually DID get worse.

PHONE RINGS

Oh! Morgan!

Get in there and wash that ice-cream off your hands. Hello? Yes.

Yeah.

Well, like I said in my message,

I've got a certificate.

A reference?

Look, I'm good! Why don't you just take my word for it?

Oh look, just forget it, all right!

Bianca. How about we give it a go, eh?

-The job?

-Seriously?

Just a trial. Come in tomorrow morning and we'll see how we get on.

Oh. Thanks. Mum, did you hear that?

-She's going to give me a go.

-That's great!

You'll be brilliant. Shall we go over to the Vic and celebrate?

To be honest, I think I need a little lay-down, if that's all right.

I just needed to see her one last time, you know...

You really do love her, don't you?

Don't really matter now, does it?

It does to me.

Yeah.

Then why did you just dump her like that?

Derek didn't really give me much of a choice, did he?

Right. I see.

Well, I'm not saying that Derek's in the right

but you and Lauren as an item... You must know that could never work?

-Yeah?

-Yeah, I know.

That's why I'm leaving.

I think you should stay. In Walford.

Not in this house - that'll never happen again - but in Walford.

See the thing is, you've had your chance, haven't you,

to see sense, and to say goodbye, and Lauren hasn't.

Just think about it?

I'm not promising to stay for good, only until after Christmas.

You stay as long as you want, my angel, eh?

Why don't you go upstairs and pick a room?

Whatever room you want.

PHONE BEEPS

How did you wangle this place, anyway?

I just happened to ask the right person at the right time.

Must be my lucky day.

Why don't I pop out and get us a nice bottle of champagne, eh?

To celebrate? Hmm?

Right. I've... I've asked him to stay in Walford.

That's all I can do.

I had total confidence in your powers of persuasion, Tanya.

Must be what Max kept coming back for, eh?

You've got what you wanted. All right?

You need to promise me you're not going to do anything to hurt Lauren.

You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.

Derek.

This stays between us, yeah?

Let the council say humbug to our decorations!

Here you go, sweetheart.

Cos I've had a word with the great man himself,

the one and only St Nicholas, and he's promised

to make our dreams come true... There you go, sweetheart.

..and transform our market.

Seriously, you're going to feel like Rip Van Winkle waking up in Hamburg!

There you go, sweetheart.

So don't forget, this afternoon at 12.30 in The Vic, we got a meeting.

So don't let me down, all right,

otherwise you'll miss out on the bratwurst. There you go, darling.

That's a German sausage, in case you didn't know. Pleasure, mate.

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

Oh, hi, Patrick.

Yeah, one sec.

Cora?

Cora, Patrick's on the phone.

Um, she's asleep

and I'm about to go to work, so I'll get her you call you back, yeah?

All right, yeah. Bye. Bye.

Bianca?

I know you're getting my messages.

And I just want to put things right between us, OK?

And if that means going to the police and saying it was me,

then I will. OK? Just...call me.

You're not serious.

Mum, he's the only boy that I've ever loved.

And the only reason it's over is because I let him take the blame.

If I had just owned up to it, then we'd still be together, Mum.

He hasn't even been to see you since the accident, Lauren.

So he obviously meant what he said.

Listen to me, please. Please.

If you tell the police it was you,

they'll find out from the hospital you were drunk.

Then they will charge you. Along with everything else,

they'll charge with perverting the course of justice.

That's what it's called. You will go to prison, Lauren.

I just want everything to go back to normal.

KNOCK ON THE DOOR

Morning. Can we speak to Lauren, please?

Come through into the front room.

(Please, Lauren, you're only 18.

(Please don't throw your life away.)

You know, I'm thinking of putting some German dishes on our menu,

put some decorations up, turn The Vic into a right proper bierkeller.

You'll have to get the punters to call you "mein host".

(COD GERMAN ACCENT) Yes, my darling,

you can serve the Gluhwein in your sexy Bavarian outfit.

Very nice. Ja.

HE CHUCKLES

Oh, sorry, sweetheart.

There was me thinking about you in your sexy outfit

and I've accidentally opened one of your letters.

What's this? Squirreling money away for our retirement home or something?

Open house at two?

I keep getting this rubbish sent to me. I must be on some mailing list.

Listen, sweetheart, you show them the tiniest bit of interest,

they end up bombarding you. Anyway,

I'll go down and see how Herr Jean is doing with her strudel. Ja.

Listen. Stop pestering me.

All right? Leave me alone.

DOOR CLOSES

That's my husband.

Can you remember...

..how fast Joey was driving before the accident?

Um...

Anything at all, Lauren, that might help us with our line of enquiry?

You want to know about Joey's driving?

Um...

He wasn't...

He wasn't driving dangerously.

-I should know, I was there.

-Yeah, but a car wound up in a shop window

so it's not like a three-point turn gone wrong, is it?

He wasn't driving fast, Dad.

Is there anything you'd like to add to your statement? Change, even?

No.

No, not right now.

If you remember anything at all, Lauren,

that's my number.

Thank you. Cheers.

Cheers.

OK. I've got to go find Joey.

You think that's a good idea?

Just trust me, Abs.

'I know you're getting my messages.

'And I just want to put things right between us, OK?

'And if that means going to the police and saying it was me,

'then I will. OK? Just call me.'

BEEP

'End of messages.'

You a little bit nervous about your trial at Booty?

-Me? No, not even bothered.

-You could put it off till you've settled in properly?

Why would I do that? It's Christmas soon.

I can put me feet up when I'm earning again.

Know what I need? I need a model.

What about a little bob?

Look. She'd look lovely with a bob, wouldn't she, Mum?

No, I like my hair the way it is.

How about you? I'll give you a cut. I could take years off you.

You think I don't know what I'm doing, don't you?

I am qualified, you know.

All right, well, my roots could be done.

I don't mind hair extensions.

-So long as I don't go near a pair of scissors?

-KNOCK AT THE DOOR

You'd think it was Tiff with a hedge-trimmer

the way you two are going on.

-Oh.

-Mrs Butcher?

Oi, you lot. It's the Old Bill.

Which one of you's been causing trouble?

We're looking for Derek Branning.

Straighten that up there.

Oh, hello, Joe. Nice to see you're sticking around still.

Well, I ain't made my mind up yet.

Me and Alice are rattling around in Mo's old place.

There's a spare room going, rent-free.

You are priceless, you know that?

I know our family's got its problems, mate. Which one hasn't?

It's nothing we can't sort out.

Yeah, well, this "family" is beyond repair, Derek.

We'll see, we'll see.

I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important.

And I know how busy you are with the ladies

but I need a plan, and I'm no good with plans,

but you're good with plans, ain't you?

Are we?

Yes. Sure. Whatever we can do to help.

Right. Well...

you know Mrs Cross has had a bit of bad luck with her job recently.

Well, um...

My wages, they don't cover all the bills.

And I don't know what to do.

Right.

Well, you could take in a lodger.

Right. Well...

Do you know someone that's interested?

-Do we know anyone?

-Do we...?

Wow, is that the time? Look at the time.

I've got to be, um, at The Vic.

Right. Well, yeah, thanks for the idea, anyway.

All right, Mrs C?

Sorry we can't stop. Really nice to see you.

-Sorry to hear about Lauren. Glad she's OK.

-Yeah.

Lauren?

Cora...

I didn't want to say anything, cos you've been so down recently.

But she's OK. She's...

Why don't you start at the beginning?

They're not interested in you.

I can see by the way they look at me. They know I've been in prison.

You have to put it behind you. It's a fresh start.

Joseph Branning?

Mmm?

We'd like to speak to you down the station.

Joey!

They ain't finished with him yet?

Yeah, I think they might be charging him for dangerous driving.

Yeah, he could be looking at a stretch. What was he thinking?

BAVARIAN MUSIC PLAYS

No, thank you.

I've just seen Joey.

He's going to be sticking around for a bit.

You seen the state of my daughter?

Come on, Max.

He did a stupid thing, and he's sorry, you know.

He's hurting. He's really hurting.

Lauren is his little cousin, after all.

Come on, Max. You do dangerous things when you're young, don't you?

-These things happen.

-Oh, yeah? You changed your tune.

You smacked him in the mush the other day. That changed and all?

That was a father and son disagreement

which is all sorted now, thank you.

Didn't stop me being there for him the other night

because that's what families do - they forgive and forget.

Look, let's not ruin Christmas, eh?

We've got so much to look forward to. You got your wedding.

Carol and Bianca are back.

I got a new house.

New start, eh?

New start, what do you say?

Let's have a drink. Darling, there we go.

But if you move in, it would help her money worries, wouldn't it?

Also, the fact you've got nowhere to live,

other than my mum and dad's couch.

Yes, but bruvver, I don't want to be in her face, like, 24/7, do I?

That ain't going to show her that I respect her, is it?

Res... Oh, you're a little gentleman now?

You're like a little Sir Walter Raleigh.

Although I don't think he had much luck with ladies.

Always finding a puddle to throw his cloak over.

Bruv, what you talking about?

Anyway, you're shooting yourself in the foot.

Here you go, fellas. A little sample of our German menu,

obviously running the duration of the market,

and let's not forget our entertainment, eh?

Entertainment? Alfie in a little feathered hat doing a clog dance?

Oh, nice one(!)

Or it could be our top-billed comedian here, Herr Branning.

Or is that Hairless Branning?

What sort of things these markets selling, then?

Lots of things, like dolls, nutcrackers, wooden things...

Anyway, what we need is samples, get some orders coming in.

You really haven't thought this through, have you?

You can't rely on Walford's stall holders to order this German tat.

-No, they're only here for the free sausages.

-Come on, this is your baby,

you need to get over to Germany and bring the stuff back.

He's got enough to do here.

Go out there, have a little scout about, that's all.

All you need is a van and a bit of extra spending.

-Hold on a minute.

-I'll sort the van out. Bring back some cigarettes, call it quits.

-I'll do a whip round.

-I've got a mate you can drop something off to.

-No, Derek. Stop.

-It's all kosher, all kosher.

-I just don't trust the mail service, do I?

-I met this air hostess,

she bought me this bottle of brandy from Cologne.

Unbelievable. Get a crate of that, that'd be lovely.

Charge a bit of commission on everything they order,

could be a good little earner.

I tell you what.

All those who think that Alfie that should go to Germany

and bring us back some stock samples, raise your hands!

-There you go.

-Yeah, I think that's settled then, ain't it, Alf?

-What you doing?

-What I should have done ages ago.

Hey, hey!

If you really wanted nothing to do with me, then you'd have left.

-But you're still here.

-I've been told not to go anywhere.

I'm being summoned in a couple of weeks.

I should never have gone along with this. Look what it's done to us.

It's nothing to do with the accident, all right?

It's got everything to do with it.

A week ago we were happy, going away together.

I let you take the blame for the accident and everything goes wrong.

-I'm telling the truth.

-No, no, no, don't do that!

They've bumped it up to dangerous driving. You'll do time.

Joey, I don't care.

I just want you back.

I had you so wound up, didn't I?

Believing this whole stupid idea about going away,

it's no wonder we crashed, Lauren.

Look, you're just going to have to accept

that what we had was just a bit of fun, all right?

You have to stop blaming yourself, Lauren. Cos it ain't your fault.

A bit of fun?

Yes.

No. No, see, you're lying.

-No.

-OK, well, look me in the eyes

and tell me that you don't love me.

Tell me that everything you said wasn't true

-because I know that it was.

-Whatever I told you, Lauren,

was just to get me what I wanted. OK?

You can go in there and tell them if you like. Do a stretch

if it makes you feel better, but it won't change a thing between us.

Has she been drinking?

A little bit.

But she's worried about money...

and...Lauren.

Cos I kind of...told her.

-Oh, Poppy.

-Sorry.

All right?

So where do you want me?

Don't say you've forgotten, Tan?

No, no. Course I didn't. Course not. Um...

I'm just going out, though, so Poppy will look after you. All right?

Don't you need to be here?

THEY LAUGH

Well, Alfred, your enthusiasm is contagious.

I might be going in for a little bit of diversifying myself

this festive season.

I'm glad to hear it, Derek.

See you later. Better go and check at the gym anyway.

-Somewhere I got to be. See you, Alfie.

-See you later, mate.

Come on.

You all right, bruvver? You going somewhere?

Dunno, mate. Depends on whether I find a place to stay, you know.

Let me get you a drink.

All right, darling?

Two pints of lager, please, sweetheart.

SHE KNOCKS

Um...

I think Lauren wants to see you.

So...if you want to go over, that's fine.

How is she?

She's doing all right.

Just because we're not talking don't mean I don't care about Lauren.

I deserved to hear from my family, not a lodger.

You couldn't even come over and tell me?

Par for the course for us Crosses, ain't it?

Did you do this to pay me back?

Mum!

You never even entered my mind!

I was too busy worrying about my daughter.

But I don't suppose you'd know how that feels, would you?

Right then, B. Seeing as you don't have your own model,

this nice lady has offered to volunteer...

Oh, no, sorry. If you want to take a seat.

THIS very nice lady has offered to volunteer.

-She wants a rinse and a set, yeah?

-Yes, please.

-Lovely.

You all right? Do you need any help?

-No, it's all right, I know what I'm doing.

-Great.

Do you want to sit down there, yeah?

My name's Bianca. You all right, yeah?

-What do you want, a shampoo and set, yeah?

-Yes, please.

-All right.

Oh!

Listen, bruv, I'm trusting you. Don't be making no moves on my girl.

Come on, I wouldn't do that to you.

-Anyway, I'm not looking for anyone at the moment.

-Yeah?

Why's that? You got some secret girl stashed away somewhere?

Have they finished all those already?

Well, that's the last of the sausages.

This stupid market is costing us money, hasn't even started yet.

Oh, well, be nice when it does, though. All lit up.

You know, I wouldn't mind a German market stall myself.

I'd make gingerbread men. And women. With little skirts.

And gingerbread houses. Like in Hansel and Gretel.

PHONE BEEPS

Those foreign fairy tales used to scare me.

Was never a happy ending, was there?

Jean, mind the bar. I've got to get rid of some rubbish.

Lauren.

That's not the answer.

Well, what is, then?

So a lady in the market said, "I'll do them for you."

I said, "No, it's all right. Bianca's a qualified hairdresser."

Better working for yourself anyway.

We'll get some leaflets and business cards made up.

No-one wants to pay salon prices these days anyway.

Get yourself a little runaround and start your own business.

"B's Barnets."

THEY LAUGH

This is the gear that people want, Alf, you know.

I mean, have you seen that German stuff?

It's all weird-looking woodsmen

and soldiers with funny hats and black curly moustaches.

It'd frighten the life out of my Alice, it would.

-What's that got to do with Christmas?

-It's just something a bit different!

-People don't want different.

-They don't want different.

We're going to steal the march on you this Christmas.

-None of your Eurotrash for us, thank you.

-Nah. Best of British.

-What's all that about?

-Just telling Derek

we're going to go the whole hog in The Vic this Christmas.

Jack, one of his police mates has a contact over there,

who supplies decorations for Christmas markets over there.

And how about this, right?

Jean has done a whip round, spending money. Got over 40 quid here.

That's not even enough to buy petrol.

Kat, sweetheart, it's the thought that counts.

Then you've got to pay for the ferry and a hotel. Who'll pay for that?

It's Christmas. Sometimes we need to splash out a bit.

Not for something we can't afford.

LAUGHTER

They're not even taking it seriously. They're all laughing at you.

What you talking about, laughing? They're not laughing at me...

Alfie, please ask someone else to do it, someone else who can afford it.

I trust you. You know that, don't you?

Yeah.

And this is about the money, isn't it?

Yeah, course it is.

Come here.

All right.

All right, all right.

Listen, fellas, something's just come up.

you're going to have to nominate someone else, all right?

I need to stick around, deal with the publicity side. It'd be better.

There's no helping some people, is there?

Jack, Derek's right. I've not thought it through properly

and I'm rubbish driving on that side of the road anyway.

Poppy!

Did you think it was funny giving me a woman with candy floss hair?

I mean, what was left of it.

Did you tell Tanya that she complained?

No. Tanya ain't been back. Anyway, that lady always complains.

-I think she does it for attention.

-So what you going to tell her?

How about... You're coming back on Monday to do a proper trial,

-this time with Tanya there.

-Yeah?

All right, then, yeah. Thanks. I'll see you Monday, yeah?

Cheers, mate, thank you. Lovely, cheers, buddy.

Sorry, you wanted one for Derek as well, didn't you?

-Don't worry, go on, open it.

-Nah, nah, that can wait.

Don't want to see you lot dying of thirst, do I?

So, you got any takers for the run yet?

No, not yet, mate.

Don't worry. Something'll come up.

-Keep the change, yeah?

-Cheers. Oi, oi, oi, young lady!

Remember what we said. I can open yours and you can open mine.

Let's have a look.

TRAIN RUMBLES

I don't believe it.

Alfie, listen...

Who's that from?

Oh, my days! That must be from some mysterious benefactor or something!

Oi, oi. We are going to Cologne!

Some angel out there has just paid my fare. Look at that!

Ho-ho-ho! Thank you!

A bit of luck at last, mate.

-Listen, you still don't have to go.

-Course I have to go.

Look, someone got a ticket with my name on it.

"Alfie Moon, Fastline Ferries."

Nothing's going to stop me now, everybody!

Auf wiedersehen, pet!

All right, Pops? I heard you got a room going spare? Is that right?

Who told you?

Fats. Don't worry, he's not telling everyone.

I think he's a bit protective of you.

Look, I know things haven't been easy lately.

But we've been through worse, haven't we?

And we've come out the other end.

We just need to try and put all this behind us and start looking forward.

To the wedding...and Christmas.

Lauren?

I'll go and sort us out a Chinese.

Abs? Give me a hand, will you, please?

What's happened?

I went to the police station.

But I didn't go in.

Joey was there.

Spoke to me. Finally.

It doesn't matter what I do, does it?

It's not going to change anything.

He doesn't love me, Mum.

Oh, darling. Come here.

Come here.

It's all right.

LAUREN SOBS

What can I say, bruvver?

I'm just a hopeless romantic.