03/08/2012 EastEnders Omnibus

Why won't she talk to me? She's my mum.

Very dashing.

You don't think it's too much?

No. Are you sure you want to do this?

Yeah. Insha'Allah.

Knock 'em dead, Dad.

I've got another sister, Max.

She's 47. She's called Ava.

So, where is she?

Babe, I don't know. Maybe she had her adopted, or...

But why wouldn't she tell me? Why the big secret?

I don't know.

Well, I'm not saying you do, am I?

I just... She won't answer any of my calls, she won't answer the door.

She's probably still got the hump, ain't she? You know, you rooting through her stuff.

Yeah well, obviously there's that!

Guys, guys, guys, I just got an e-mail about this...

Not now, Lauren, please.

Huh! Sorry to be excited about something.

Do you think maybe, it was 1964,

It said on the birth certificate, 1964.

Do you think maybe she was Thalidomide?

Cos that was around then, weren't it?

-Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I think so, yeah.

-Maybe that was it. Maybe she's in an institution?

Maybe she lost her? No, cos then she'd have told me.

-Why would she have kept that a secret?

-Babe, please, please don't do this.

Was she even with my dad then?

Babe, you're just gonna drive yourself crazy, aren't you?

No. Cos she was only 18, so... That's Lauren's age, innit!

Babe, I've got to go. I've got the car lot.

Imagine that. Imagine Lauren with a baby?

Well, you were 18, weren't you?

Just give your mum a bit of space, all right?

She's my sister, Max.

Where is she?

It ain't a fashion show!

I've been in the paper now... so I'm a model.

And you never know, might be some fit boys there. Bad boys.

Muscles.

Lola!

-What? Just cos I've got a baby, I can't fancy boys?

-It's community service.

That's my point. Bad boys.

Listen, no-one's gonna fancy you with an orange jumpsuit on.

Only I ain't wearing an orange jumpsuit, am I?

And you're just jealous cos you fancy a bit of a bad boy yourself.

-Yeah, right.

-Still can't believe they're making you do it.

Get away from nappies for the day? I can't wait.

-Oh, yeah? What if Janine needs me to do anything?

-Jay'll have her.

No chance, I'm down the Arches.

Do him good to spend some time with his daughter.

-Eh?

-Gotcha!

You should put someone's name down on the birth certificate.

She ain't got a dad. She's got you.

And I think she needs changing.

Lola!

I don't have time, sorry! Bye.

Urgh!

Ten more fast boxes today! I was thinking, about the wedding...

I...er...

Somebody die?

Masood, don't walk away from me while I'm trying to talk to you.

-I'm going to be late.

-So then talk fast.

Well, I didn't want to say anything, just in case I didn't get it.

Is this about your promotion?

-I've got an interview.

-An interview! That's fantastic!

As a teaching assistant.

In a classroom?

-That'll be the idea.

-With children?

They'll be there, too.

Ah, so you're still going on about this silly little idea, are you?

To go back to college? Become a student?

I didn't think you'd go through with it.

This way I wouldn't have to. I learn whilst I earn.

And still get a little bit of my dream.

This is why you did not want to run the restaurant with me, isn't it?

Then you wonder why I don't tell you anything?

We work for years in order to get our business off the ground

and keep it up there,

and Tamwar then decides he wants to leave because, you know, he wants

to go study God knows what because he doesn't need to earn any money!

And now you want to quit to follow a bit of your dream?

Yeah.

Masood!

It costs Walford 22 million a year to collect rubbish

and keep the streets clean.

-No way!

-Yes way. So today, you're gonna be doing it for free.

What? You ain't getting me picking up no litter.

Yeah, you should have thought about that, shouldn't you?

Before you put chip fat all over my car.

Litter pickers. Brooms.

That is shame!

What goes around comes around, don't it, eh?

-For the poster girls at the front.

-Oh, wicked!

Not you. You.

You get to push the cart.

Now who feels shame?

Cora.

Girls, did you get the e-mail?

When do I have time to check my e-mails?

Yeah, well, it's the volunteering thing! Free tickets?

Yeah, I got it this morning.

So we dig some old lady's garden and then we go to a gig

and get wasted, yes!

What do you think, Luce, yes?

Oh, come on, you need a laugh.

Did you read the whole e-mail, Lauren?

Yes, Whitney, I did read the whole e-mail. Why?

Well, we're not digging some old lady's garden.

Yes, well, whatever, whatever. It's all about the tickets, yeah?

No, we're feeding the homeless! The three of us.

Can you imagine?

No. Absolutely not.

Right, so let me get this straight, OK.

You hide a sister from her for all of her life, but she's

the one in the wrong because she looked through your stuff?

She was trying to find a photo of this bracelet, Cora.

-She was trying to do something nice.

-It's got nothing to do with you.

What do you mean, it's got nothing? Why did you call me back then?

If you were heading out, why you gonna waste my time?

-I want you to tell her to stop calling me.

-I ain't. You tell her. You tell her.

She's only across the Square.

I want you to tell her to stop calling me. Stop texting me.

Stop leaving messages with Poppy, banging on my door.

Cora.

Cora, look at me. Please?

All she wants is the truth.

What good did the truth ever do anyone?

What do you know, Max?

What do you know about the truth?

She's gonna win, because have you ever seen a cuter child?

Hmm? Have you?

Open to...

0-4 years old?

Uh no, back to me, thank you.

You think I'm joking, don't you?

Christian you... You two-faced, sneaky...!

May the best baby win!

Nan!

You will not believe what I'm being expected to do...

We're closed.

What is it with everyone today?

No, the Olympics have started, so where's my stock?

It's not going to be any use to me next month, is it?

No, I'll hold.

-Is Dad back yet?

-Huh?

Is Dad back yet?

Am I the only one who didn't know?

-Am I really that impossible?

-You are a bit. No.

I mean, a teaching assistant? Not even a teacher?

-Well you've got to start somewhere.

-What's wrong with being a postman?

-Nothing's wrong with being a postman.

-Can you tell your father that?

It's just not what he wants to be any more.

-I don't want to work in a shop. I don't want to run a restaurant.

-Tam still runs the restaurant.

Tamwar thinks he runs the restaurant. I am his mother.

And anyway, he doesn't even want to do it anymore.

I tell you, I buy the boy a business and he wants to leave it!

Your father wants to play in a sandpit. What has happened

to everyone in this family, where's the ambition gone?

And you, it took you long enough.

Working in all those massage parlours.

And now look at you - with your own big business.

Why can't all the men in the family be like you?

Because like you so subtly said,

sometimes it takes time to decide what you want in life.

And after everything he's been through,

Tam deserves the same - to study something he cares about.

And Dad, this is his dream.

Don't you start about that.

When he looks at you and he talks about it...

But he doesn't talk about it.

..it's like there's a light goes on behind his eyes.

Do you want to take that away?

Hello. So?

Madge?

Or Ms Cole if you're nasty?

Haven't they got Jessie J?

Now you're talking. Heard from your dad?

What dad? I can get myself up in the morning.

I can feed myself.

Make enough to keep people ticking over, and I can put myself to bed.

-So, what do I need him for?

-He's still your dad, Luce.

Yeah well, Peter's welcome to him. How's your mum?

-She's getting better.

-Are you going to see her?

Trust me, bed baths, they're not my thing, are they?

Plus I know exactly where she's been.

-Yeah well, she's still your mum.

-All right, touche.

Right, me and madam, we need to find ourselves a killer outfit.

Cos we are gonna knock all these other toddlers dead!

-I'll see you later.

-See ya.

Max has been bending my ear.

What is it you want to say to me?

I ain't feeding tramps.

You can't call 'em tramps, Lauren!

Whitney, they live on the street.

Exactly, which is why they need our help.

-Yeah, well, you two can help them then, cos I ain't.

-Lucy?

It was meant to be the three of us and it was your idea!

Hang on! She's only just had that baby!

Born in a chicken shop. It's really classy.

-Bet she really misses her, do you think?

-Yeah well, she shouldn't've got pregnant then.

-Erm, I don't think she was the first one, was she?

-But I didn't have it, did I?

-Is it anything to do with you?

-Lola!

You got something to say?

I...need to pop home quick.

You want extra hours, you only have to say.

I thought we were closer, Mum. I thought we had trust.

You broke into my house...

We had keys.

You broke into my house and you went rooting through my things

-and you talk to me about trust?

-I just wanted to replace the bracelet you'd lost.

It was my bracelet, I'll replace it when I want to.

Where is she, Mum?

My sister?

Ava Anderton? Where is she?

-You had no right.

-Why the big secret?

You had no right to go through my stuff and you've got no right to ask me questions.

You're my mum.

It was before you were born!

So? It still makes her my sister, Mum. Where is she?

Some things are private.

Look, Mum, this last year, I've really needed you.

And you've been there for me. And now I'm here for you.

Oh, Tanya, this ain't your magazines. "Here for you."

Does she look like me?

Does she look like Rainie?

You tell Rainie any of this...

Mum, I just don't understand why the big secret!

-Is she in a hospital?

-No, she ain't in a hospital.

An institution then, you know what I mean. You were 18, Mum.

Did you take a photocopy? All the little details?

If you couldn't cope... I understand, I get it.

There's no shame in that.

You know nothing, Tanya.

-Well then tell me!

-No!

Mum, I found a birth certificate

-and OK, no I shouldn't have done it, but I did.

-It was private!

Now all of a sudden I've got this sister who I've never met

and I don't even know whether you've hidden her away,

-whether you've given her to someone or...

-She's dead.

Your sister...

your big sister.

She's dead.

I was just... I remembered something I had to tell my Pops.

No phones.

-Oh, come on, she's missing her baby, Miss.

-No, I ain't.

This is your final warning.

I never even got to leave the hospital with her.

Never even took her home.

Oh, Mum.

One minute she was there.

Just lying there in my arms.

She was so tiny.

I don't think I'd ever hardly held a baby before.

You didn't, then, pass them round, like you do now.

And then I was in the hospital.

Nurses running round doing their job. Other mums, little ones crying.

I was holding her in my arms.

My beautiful little baby girl.

Wasn't anyone with you?

Weren't allowed visitors.

What? Not even Nan?

Sister on the ward was very strict.

And then they came and took her.

They put her in a little cot to sleep.

She opened her eyes - not to look at me, I mean, they can't at that age.

You think they can, but they can't.

You feel like they can.

Big brown eyes, she had, and little tiny fingers.

I just lay there looking at them,

these tiny, tiny fingers.

I don't think I'd ever seen anything so tiny in my life.

I just lay there looking at her.

I drifted off looking at her.

I only woke up when they came to take her.

Never even let me say goodbye. They didn't, in those days.

They said it would be too... upsetting.

My little baby girl.

All alone in that big, cold hospital.

Things happen in life.

You don't choose them, they just happen.

You accept them, and you move on.

Because that's what you've got to do.

You could have told me.

Could I?

You wouldn't have had to carry all this on your own.

We're women, Tanya. That's what we do.

But you lost your baby.

You pick yourself up and get on with it.

And the father? Did you know him?

Oh, yeah. I knew him.

What did he think?

He never even knew I was pregnant.

What was he like?

Oh, he had charm coming out of every pore.

He had the gift of the gab, that one.

So you were going steady?

Saw each other a bit, best part of a year.

He was a sailor, moved around. Girl in every port.

And you were carrying his baby.

I know.

And he broke my heart.

Did Dad ever know?

No-one ever knew. It was my secret.

My sister.

Ava.

I never forgot her. I never, ever stopped thinking of her.

And you kept it all to yourself.

She died, Tanya.

And you know what?

It was for the best.

Takes after her mum, don't you think? Little Princess.

Is this why you rang?

Now, I tried her in the fairy wings, but before you say anything,

she didn't like 'em. But she loves the wand. Don't you?

-Put your finger out.

-Christian, do you have to? It's Ramadan.

I'm sorry, I was starving. Try the other hand.

There we go. Turn it this way for me.

-Is this what you do all day? Dressing up?

-'Course it isn't.

Get a load of that, right there - Walford's Most Beautiful Baby.

Come on, we've got to enter her.

-No.

-Bit of fun.

I said no!

-Why?

-Parading her in front of judges?

-Oh, she'll love it.

-She's one-and-a-half!

-So?

-I'd have loved it when I was her age.

-Well, she's not you, is she?

There's no harm with telling everybody how beautiful

-our daughter is. Hold your hand out, sweetie.

-We're not doing it.

Don't be so dry. It's just a bit of fun!

I'm not having you enter my daughter in some tacky beauty pageant.

"My daughter"?

-That's not what I meant.

-No, that's exactly what you meant, isn't it?

-Christian...

-Cos that's how you see her, isn't it? As YOUR daughter.

-She is my daughter.

-What's that make me then, huh? The nanny?

-Don't be ridiculous.

-I'm your other half. And we are getting married.

-OK, it's not a marriage, you've told me that 1,000 times.

-Well, it isn't.

All right, so I'm a non-father in a non-marriage -

-if we ever get as far as having a non-marriage.

-I've got a meeting, so...

-Please don't walk out, Sy.

-I'm not walking out.

-You said we were in this together. As equals.

-We are.

-So what's with the "my daughter" stuff?

-Can we do this later?

-Can't we do it now?

I just don't want my daughter in...

OUR daughter in some tacky competition.

Why has everything got to be so difficult for you?

-I'll be home by seven.

-Do I even get to know where it is you're going?

-It's business, Christian.

-Then again, why would you tell me?

Cos I'm just the nanny, aren't I? Looking after your daughter!

She was a baby. A tiny baby.

And you just live with it? You never tell anyone?

Well, sometimes people make mistakes, don't they?

She lost a baby, Max! It's not a mistake, is it?!

No, I don't mean like that.

You know, just sometimes things don't turn out how you plan them.

You know, she might have wanted to tell you, and didn't know how,

then it was too late and she just sort of, you know, carried on.

But all that grief.

All that hurt.

Babe, just leave her. Just leave her.

She'll deal with it in her own way, won't she?

She's my mum.

They're making her clean up litter out there!

She's just had a baby, and they won't let her see her.

Is this still about Nan's bracelet? She nearly bit my head off earlier.

And then I just ignored you.

Darling, I'm so sorry. Come here.

Oh, she's just missing Abi.

-Hiya.

-It was tough. Thanks for asking.

The interview.

-I got the job.

-Oh, well done! When do you start?

-Beginning of term. It's only part-time though.

-You'll get by.

-I don't know.

It's a lot less than I'm on.

-And if your brother's serious about leaving the Argee Bhajee...

-I, er, look, I've...

-Is everything OK?

-Yep, fine. Hello?

Hey, Lo!

Hey, you.

-Lola!

-Thought you said you were trying to keep away from her?

-Since when did anyone listen to what I say, eh?

-Come on, Miss...

-Shaiyana. That's enough.

-She ain't even a week old.

-She only wants to see her.

-You can't have her with you.

-She ain't with me though, is she?

-I thought I made myself clear.

Her granddad and her uncles are taking her for a walk.

-It ain't their fault I'm here sweeping pavements, is it?

-Lo.

Lo. Come on, we'll see you later.

Yes, I'd like to enter my daughter.

We're still gonna win.

It's Yasmin.

You need me to spell that for you?

The door was on the latch, so...

Mum?

-Zee...

-Before you say anything...

-Listen...

-I want you to know that I'd like you to go for it.

It's a dream - it's YOUR dream.

And if you don't follow it, then what's the point?

I'm doing the same thing. Huge dream wedding.

Show Denise, who's looking down her nose at us,

that we're not some kind of paupers scuttling around in shame.

Tamwar's following his crazy little idea of spending

all our pennies to go to college, or uni, or whatever the hell it is he's doing.

And being a student is not cheap.

So we scrimp a little, we save a little.

Everything that we can do. Because he deserves a chance.

So, come on! Don't keep me in suspense.

How did it go?

I...

I didn't get it.

Really?

Yeah. It wasn't my time.

Aww.

That was all you had of her.

Should have done it years ago.

I know why you're doing this.

You know nothing.

I know why you lied all those years.

Lies?

You... You...

You DARE to talk to me about lies?

You killed my husband and never said a word.

Cut me and Rainie out, never said a word.

Then we had you and your cancer - four months, you knew,

lied to my face.

Said you were fine.

All those years as a kid, off your head on drugs, stealing.

Lies, Tanya. Your whole life has been about lies.

-This is about you.

-No, it's about you!

-It's always about you.

-No, that's not true.

You took another woman's husband! Max was married, had a child.

You didn't care.

Didn't care about her, you didn't care about the child.

Cos it was all about Tanya.

Ain't you got nothing to say? I've had to listen to you and Max

ripping into each other often enough. Come on, let's hear it.

What you got to say?

Let's not do this, Mum.

You wanted the truth, Tanya? "Let's get the truth out there.

-"Everyone feels better for it."

-Please, Mum...

You want to shout my secrets?

Well, it works both ways.

Saint Tanya.

Chucked her husband out,

shacked up with his brother,

cheated on her second husband with her first.

And you still dare to stand there and tell me what I've done wrong?

Get out.

Mum...

Get out!

Hot.

SHE LAUGHS

No bailiffs. No bills.

Three businesses ticking over.

-And I am having a day off.

-Good.

So why don't you come back to bed, eh?

It's just me, the girls and several hundred homeless people.

That's better than what I've got to offer, is it?

Have a cold shower.

Today is about me and my mates.

What if they smell?

Lauren, they won't smell. OK? Just hurry up.

-As soon as I've finished my tea.

-Thought you said they were home truths.

I said she thought they were home truths!

-She said everything's always about me!

-Well, if you want my advice...

-I'll go round there. Show her I'm bigger than that.

-By making it all about you(?)

Ain't you got tramps to feed?

Mum! You shouldn't call them tramps.

I don't want a row with you, Lauren. I'm going to go round to your nan's,

and I'm going to clear the air.

-All right, see you later.

-See you.

-Bye.

What do you mean you're ill?

Well, who's going to run the stall?

-MO:

-I ain't finished my breakfast yet!

-It's an out-and-out liberty.

-I know, it's a right liberty!

-You can't just chuck us out, I'm starving!

-Exactly,

right in the middle of my breakfast! It is a liberty.

I want my money back!

I wish you'd stop moving things.

Maybe Yas did it.

-Is that meant to be funny?

-I don't know. Is it funny?

Look, I've got a big delivery coming and the driver said he'd call me

and if I can't find my phone... MOBILE RINGS

SYED SIGHS

Yeah, I'll be five minutes.

No, you listen to me.

Hey, you. Smile!

CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS

You are going to walk this competition!

Well, wobble it.

Yes.

-HE LAUGHS

-Yes.

PASSING TRAIN RUMBLES

Packing, parcels or people?

Maybe work your way up to people, yeah?

I'll just get someone to give you your rabies jabs.

Just ditch what you think you know and you'll have a great day.

-I'm Fran.

-I'm Whitney. Thank you.

Oh, I'm Lauren.

Well, lovely to have you.

Now go and get yourselves a brew first.

Wow(!) Where the hell is Lucy?

Erm, she's probably having a lie-in with Joey.

She always does this!

Those gig tickets better be worth it.

MAN SIGHS, CHUCKLES

You're lucky nothing exploded.

Lucky? Right. Yeah, I have no gas,

I've got a broken cooker and a dodgy boiler.

How much luckier can I get(?)

You're probably looking at about... 400 quid.

-OK(!) You think I have 400 quid?

-Well, that's if you want it

to go through the books.

But I'll need it in cash.

By the time I'm finished.

Why is the cafe shut?

Oh, it...it just needs a bit of work.

It's OK. It's going to be fine.

KNOCK ON DOOR

Leave it.

KNOCK ON DOOR

There you go. Hey, if she gives you any trouble, just put her in a coffin

-until she says sorry!

-I'm sure we'll get along magnificently.

-This is so cool.

-It'll be nice to have some company who can actually talk back.

SHE LAUGHS Funny.

Thanks...for fixing it.

Oh, it's all right. You'll be calling me Mum next.

And if you do, I will be climbing in the coffin myself.

Miss Dixon, your corpses await.

SHE LAUGHS

See you later!

Is it true that your hair and nails keep growing once you're dead?

-Come on, Mum!

-Not the way most girls your age think about hair and nails.

I'm not like most girls.

I know you're in there! All those things you said...

..we can talk about them.

She's my boss, Cora, I've got to go to work.

I get it, Mum. I understand.

Just let me in, Mum.

It's always the same with you, isn't it? It's always

-two steps forward and three steps back to kick me.

-Oh, here we go!

-You want home truths?

-Every time, it's always about Tanya.

-I'll give you home truths.

-You think I'm stubborn?

-Well, I'm not listening.

You think I'm self-centred? Well, guess what, Mum? I learnt from the best!

'If I knew'

all it would take would be to put her in the back of a hearse, I...

What?

I...haven't seen her so happy.

Good.

What, is that my big thank you, "good"?

Right, I'm going to go and grab a shower.

-Hey, but I thought you had a day off?

-I've got things to do, babe.

Better things than me? I left Patrick doing the breakfasts!

Babe. I'm busy.

I could help you get busy? Hmm?

SHE GROANS

MOBILE RINGS

MOBILE CONTINUES TO RING

Viv?

-I'll give it an hour, tops.

-You sure you can...?

If he can do it, anyone can do it.

I'd show you some tips but I don't want to get me suit dirty.

How do you mean, you put your foot in it?

I just said Scarlett looked a bit different, that's all.

One minute, one minute. Good different or bad different?

-Bruv!

-I know, Fats, I'm a plank, all right?

No, no, no, you are a bookcase! All right, bruv, listen, I swear down,

you better find some way to make it up to Janine, yeah?

-Make that 59 minutes.

-MOBILE BEEPS

-Fats!

-I can manage!

-Yeah, yeah, course you can, Ben(!)

How would you two like to stand on the podium

while the National Anthem's playing?

DOOR CLOSES TANYA GROANS

Do you know, that woman is impossible!

And do you know what?

After everything she said, she's the one who should be apologising to me.

Mm. Went well then(?)

I would never, I would never be that horrible to Abs or Lauren.

-I was only trying to help, wasn't I?

-I was trying to tell you earlier...

She doesn't know anything about being a mum, not a proper one.

-Babe...

-No. No, Max. No. This time she can forget it.

SCREAMING FROM SHOWER

SCREAMING FROM SHOWER

What you doing, Kim?! I'm in the shower!

Not now you're not. Who is she?

-I've just come out of a freezing shower...

-Viv.

-Viv?

-Five missed calls. Viv.

-So what, now you're going through my phone?

-The woman had you on speed dial!

-You speak to her?

-No!

She'll probably give me some kind of nastiness on the phone!

-You don't trust me?

-I don't know, should I trust you?

I don't appreciate my woman going through my phone, yeah?

The phone was ringing a lot. I thought it was Sasha or something.

You know what, yeah?

-What?!

-OK, Viv is the manager of the Old Lion.

All right? The team we played a couple of weeks back.

So why you give her your number?

She does a couple of events that need catering.

She keeps bugging me about joining her team.

Oh...

Well, I guess it ain't my fault that my man is so irresistible.

Mm?

How about I warm up that shower?

I've got things to do.

Yeah, but it's your day off.

Yeah, and I've got to meet a mate at the gym.

I've got plans as well, you know.

You know, like pedicure. Manicure.

Hair...cure.

Ain't you forgetting something?

Don't ever go through my phone again, yeah?

-Watermelon?

-Melon.

Just give me one second, all right, love? Let me have a look.

How's it going, Syed?

Oh, that's the last of it. So many tourists, nearly sold out.

-Wow. Life in the fast lane, huh?

-Yeah.

I know. Disgusting, isn't it?

The type of people that put their children up for things like this.

-It's so tacky.

-No class. No shame.

I mean, why don't they just sell their children and be done with it?

So how comes Yasmin's entering?

He's gone and done it, hasn't he?

-MOBILE BEEPS

-Oh, I'm so sorry. Did Christian not tell you?

He knows how I feel about this.

-Hello.

-I'm sorry...

Has Christian entered my granddaughter

into this cheap baby show where they pit children up against each other?

Excuse me, hold on a minute, Amy's very excited actually.

You've entered your own daughter? Up against Yasmin,

-are you crazy?

-You're as deluded as Christian!

-Why don't you just send her out to clean chimneys?

Amy likes dressing up. OK?

All kids like dressing up. And I tell you something, for 500 quid, I ain't about to stop her.

How much?!

Look, I know this is your day off and everything

and I'm really grateful you're here but, erm...

I'm not really feeling the gold medal here, guys.

Well, OK. All right, all right.

Hello, lovely lady in the lovely hat.

You, you look like a tuna and sweetcorn girl!

No, I'm not saying you look like tuna or sweetcorn.

But you do have a little...

-Now THERE is a lady that does not look like tuna.

-Woo!

Looking fine this lunchtime. Mm!

-Keep talking.

-Tempted. Yeah?

I think I might be.

So are you a ham salad or cheese salad?

Does this figure say it eats sandwiches?

Right now that figure's saying a lot of things to me!

SHE LAUGHS

Yeah, later.

-Oh strut! Strut!

-Check her strut!

-Don't be bad!

-I think we'll get our lunch elsewhere.

-Yeah.

So what, she still burning a candle for you, bruv?

Oh, mate, she's burning a whole big bonfire.

-I dodged a bullet, you know. Dad like hers.

-Dad like whose?

Er, just, just some ex-girlfriend, really.

She wasn't actually really a girlfriend. She was...

-All right, mate?

-All right. Another couple of hours, I reckon.

Er, yeah, cash in hand. It's not a problem.

Sorry. I'm really sorry.

MOBILE RINGS

There's no answer.

I'm going to kill her. We're doing three people's jobs here!

I know, she promised.

It's got nothing to do with you, Max.

Well, she's my wife.

Well, she was my wife.

-Well, you know, she will be my wife again.

-Make up your mind.

So that makes it to do with me.

Do you want to take over here a while?

Hello, darling.

Been having a bit of a clear out.

Er, Mum!

Well, you know, you do what you can, don't you?

Not like I'm selfish, is it?

-Five minutes?

-Yeah.

-I know what you've done.

-You had no right to try and stop me.

MOBILE RINGS

When you were ill, you didn't want to talk to anyone.

You had to do it in your own time.

Oh, dear. She's right, isn't she?

I AM stubborn.

Selfish.

-You have your moments.

-Thanks(!)

-Like I don't?

But this whole thing with Nan...

If she wants to see Patrick, then it's not our business.

And if she doesn't want to see him, then that's not our business either.

And yeah, if she's still mad at us for going through her stuff

and looking at her photos, she'll talk when she's ready, won't she?

-When did you get so wise?

-Rehab.

THEY LAUGH

Oh, Lauren, she said some really horrible things.

Difficult to hear, you know.

Don't we all, though, when we're angry?

Mmm.

Thing is, some of them...

..the difficult thing was that they were true.

I know what it's like, Cora...

-You know nothing.

-..when you lose a kid.

One minute they're there, the next minute they're just gone.

You had a chance to get to know your Bradley.

Right, and does that make it better?

Or does that make it worse?

Yeah, I had 22 years getting to know Bradley.

Is that better than losing him the day he was born?

You got your memories.

Yeah, but I've got regrets as well, haven't I?

You know, loads of times I weren't there for him.

Loads of times I let him down.

HE SIGHS

Me and Stacey...

..I'm not proud of that, am I?

See, you never had the chance to let your little girl down, did you?

You might've been a good mum to her, I don't know.

No-one knows, do they? I just wish for your sake, Cora, you'd had the chance.

Cos it does, it makes you very angry when you lose your kid.

Got a lot of feelings that just...

..rip you apart.

I mean, course you just want to see them again.

You just want to hold them.

You keep thinking about what they'd be up to now...

And course, you think about them on their birthdays.

So I know, Cora, all right, I know exactly how you're feeling.

-I've got stuff to sort out.

-Cora...

-Please.

-The thing you've got to remember...

It don't matter how alone you feel, or ripped apart or angry.

You've got to remember the children still alive.

Cos they're still there.

And they still love you, and they still...

they still need you.

All your life, Max, you've let your children down.

And you dare to come here and tell me that I'm the same as you.

-SHOUTING:

-Come get your smoothies! Olympic smoothies!

-Thank you.

-Loads of cream for you, darling. There you go, sweetheart.

32.40.

-Do I get a thank you?

-Thanks.

-Yeah, exactly, that's what I thought.

-Beautiful smoothie for a beautiful lady.

-All right, take it easy!

-Hello.

-Hello, darling.

-We're still going to be short.

-Oh, will you relax? You'll get there.

Smoothies! Oh, here she is!

Ha-ha, cannot keep that figure away today, can you?

Ah, cheeky! Listen, these smoothies, yeah, they're good for your...

-thing, innit?

-I'm sorry, I'm just trying to work out how

you poured yourself into that lovely little outfit.

-Two punnets of strawberries.

-Love your work, darling. Would you like cream?

-Yes, course I do!

All right, last of the big spenders, huh?

-Listen, I've got some making up to do. Big-time.

-Yeah?

I want something that gives you the petrol for your tank.

-The lead in your pencil.

-The Javelin is the one for you.

-Really?

-It is.

-That is the boom!

-Your brother's been on.

Baby's coming home end of the week, all right?

Hey, hey! You can't leave me here to flog all this by myself, bruv!

Shout out to all the Walford ladies!

-Anyone want to try our Olympic flavours? They're peng!

-Love your work!

Oh yeah, yeah, that'll cheer Alice up, won't it?

-Fallen out, have you?

-No, no. It's just, you know,

she ain't having such a great time at present.

-Man trouble?

-Yeah, well, I think "man" is pushing it.

What have you got that's best to say sorry to someone?

Er, I think it's a bit late for that.

Baby Scarlett's coming home and I said something to Janine she's taken the wrong way.

Wow. Good at offending women, ain't ya?

-Scarlett's coming home? Already?

-Yeah.

And I thought, big new order, sort our whole future...

-You don't have to do this.

-Olympic tourists everywhere, I'll shift it all no problem,

-but customs have gone and impounded it.

-Why?

I don't know why, I'm not a customs officer, am I?

And now I need money to get it all released and I don't have any

because it's all tied up in the stock and...

I have to get it before the Olympics have finished,

or there'll be no point because I won't be able to sell it...

And then I start banging on about some baby competition.

And I explode.

I didn't mean what I said about Yasmin.

She's your daughter as much as mine.

I know.

Guess I'm just a bit...

..sensitive.

Why didn't you just tell me, eh?

Cos I didn't want Mum and Dad finding out.

I can't bear them looking at me like that,

and I messed up again.

Nobody needs to know anything. OK?

-Cos you're going to find a way out of it.

-Am I?

Yes.

And I believe in you.

And we're going to be OK.

Because Yasmin is going to win us £500.

Mm?

260, 280.

Pleasure doing business.

Well done. Good girl.

Ooh, ain't no flies on you, are there?

Hey, my girl knows how to run a business, you know!

You can tell you're your father's daughter all right.

-And you owe me half a breakfast.

-Yeah? And you can whistle for it.

Who are you? I'll be back.

Fats?

Yes?

I want just one last favour.

I just can't wait to get home and have a good bath.

-And then get out and kill Lucy.

-It was fun though, weren't it?

No. No, the fun bit will be going to the actual gig!

I don't suppose either of you know anything about engines?

Don't worry.

It's just that a couple of the hostels are waiting

for the last of the parcels, and the van's broken down

-and we're meant to be out of here in 20 minutes.

-Lauren's got a car.

If you bring it round I'll help you load it.

Right, well, I'll go and get my keys, then, shall I?

-Just got to swing by somewhere first.

-Yeah.

-(I'm so sorry.)

-"Lauren's got a car!"

I said I'm sorry. Lauren!

-I think I put my foot in it.

-So I heard.

-Is he really angry?

-Well...

Absolutely livid...that you think for one minute you might win.

Oh, is that right?

Well, you might as well throw in the towel. Hello? Yeah, come in.

-Not now.

-No, no, no, send her away.

ROXY SIGHS

Oh, well, isn't this cosy(?) Planning tactics, are we?

-No.

-Well, you should be. Meet the winner of the competition.

Sorry, so is that the cheap, tacky, disgusting competition?

-You're not.

-Of course I am. £500, are you crazy?

So, may the best tot win! Hurrah! Yeah!

-Having fun, are we?

-I was just about to ring you.

See, I told you she'd be mucking about with Joey.

-Have a nice day?

-You would not believe...

-No, I will not believe, right?

-And if you think you are coming gigging with us...

-Girls, drop it down a notch, will you?

-This is you all over.

-You want to know how my day went, do you?

Oh, no, we'd love to stay and chat, wouldn't we?

-But we haven't finished work yet.

-That's a change for you, a day's work.

Girls, girls - come on.

-Welcome to my world. Not all of us have parents to sponge off.

-What?!

Lauren, leave it, OK? You're not worth it.

-I've got people to feed.

-Oh! Oh!

-Bye!

-Oh!

Banksy, eat your heart out, man!

HE LAUGHS

SHE RINGS DOORBELL

Kim, guess what?! I saw three dead bodies!

-You might want to just...

-And you know, they're not stiff!

-Sasha...

-They're lying there dead, and you think they're going to move...

-Sasha, would you...

-Oops.

-Hey, you! So, how's life in forensics?

It's a funeral director's.

Ah, right.

-Good day?

-Yeah, good, thanks.

-Yeah? At the gym?

At the gym, yeah.

And you've been there all afternoon?

It don't bother me, you know. I trust you.

But tell me lies

and your daughter's going to be measuring you up for a box.

-Five exactly, thanks.

-Thank you.

Right, there you go.

-Someone's got flowers!

-Oh. Are they for me?

No, they're not for you.

They're for you-hoo!

-For me?

-Yeah,

I wonder who they're from.

Go on, then, read the card out.

"Sorry about what I said. It was thoughtless."

Jean.

What? "I didn't mean it. Can't wait to see you.

-"Love Anthony".

-So sweet.

Erm...

Actually, Alice, the thing is...

Isn't that, like, the sweetest thing ever?

You know, you are terrible, man. The way you was checking out Kim!

THEY LAUGH

I said some things.

I shouldn't have.

Well, I wasn't perfect myself.

Mum, I don't know why you did what you did.

-And you don't have to tell me.

-I know.

But if you ever want to talk about it, then I'm here...

I will listen.

No questions.

I got something for you.

It's not exactly the same,

I couldn't find one the same. I've been looking all afternoon.

-You loved that bracelet, didn't you?

-Thank you.

Did someone special give it to you?

Sorry.

No questions.

It's good, isn't it?

I'm not my father's daughter.

If you cut me open, you'll see Cindy through and through.

You're still hurting, ain't you?

look, I am my mother's daughter. And this is my empire.

Ian Beale no longer exists.

Hey, what you got there, love? Hey, give us some!

Excuse me. Ugh!

Can you move out my way, please? Thank you.

SHE SQUEALS

Excuse me. Do you mind?!

Pops, chuck that for us!

Lo!

They've only just got here, honest.

How's Janine? And Scarlett?

Fine.

Bet she's happy, ain't she, getting everything done for her?

Have you ever eaten hospital food?

I bet Janine's ordering stuff in.

Yeah.

Come on, you.

Michael. Once you get 'em home, it'll be the happiest day of your life.

You got no worries, honestly.

Scarlett's got the all-clear, so she's coming home. I'm not worried, Bill.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

Can't wait.

Good man.

Bill...?

Sorry.

Come on, then, Lo.

See ya.

Bye.

Whitney!

Now, you're sure it was definitely him?

I told you, yes! But it was like he vanished.

What, you think he's been sleeping rough?

If you'd seen the state of him, yeah, he must be.

Right. We've got to tell Lucy.

What? That her dad is in a homeless shelter?

Imagine you hearing that about Bianca. Or Ricky!

So what are we supposed to do, Lauren? Pretend you never saw him?

-You had a change of management?

-Just the name. Business as usual.

Oh.

She's busy.

So unless you're actually buying something, Derek...?

Just a bit of friendly banter, Joseph. Obviously something he didn't inherit from me.

Large coffee, please.

Oi, Lo. Check this out.

There we go, my love.

Best fruit and veg in the whole of Walford, guaranteed. Take care.

Oi, oi! Show us your melons!

Whay-ay!

Did anyone buy anything from you?

I sold more in one hour than that Luke does in a whole day.

Don't know what all the fuss is about, Bill. Must be in my blood.

Yeah, suppose it must be.

Listen, dinner tonight, yeah? Get a takeaway? I'm paying.

Cheers.

Oi, Jay! Look at this!

Come on, Ben's buying us dinner tonight.

Push the pram, will you? My arms are killing me.

Push it, then!

See you later.

I can't do it!

I can't either.

Someone's going to have to.

Hello, love. I've got something for you.

What?

Thank you. Because I know you spoke to Mum.

All sorted, yeah?

Yeah. Yeah, you were right about backing off.

Good. I'm pleased.

Well, looks like we've got the whole place to ourselves for once.

Just the two of us.

Me and the wife-to-be.

And Jason Statham. And as many spare ribs as you can handle.

DOOR CLOSES

Well, that was nice while it lasted.

Yeah, I really enjoyed that.

Hello, love.

What? What's happened?

OK. It's Ian.

I've just seen him. And he's on the streets...

He's in a homeless shelter.

..sleeping rough. Ian Beale. We've tried to tell Lucy, but...

-Has she been drinking again?

-Dad!

Hang on, hang on. Ian is in a shelter?

Yes.

Course it weren't Ian!

He looked disgusting.

He was filthy, it was like he was a different bloke.

Yeah, cos it was a different bloke!

Why would Ian be on the streets?

He's got a house over there, with a family.

Dad. It was him!

How did Anthony know gerberas are my favourite?

I'm going to say thanks.

No, no, no, wait!

Sorry.

Umm... Why don't you go and freshen up?

You know, you want to look reem, don't ya?

Anthony! Anthony!

I haven't got time for details, but Alice got this bouquet and she thinks they're from you.

What? Why?

Well, maybe the stars aligned

to create this administrative error, and shazam.

Shazam?

Like Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones having the same birthday.

Some things are just meant to be.

-So, when Alice comes over, you smile and say you're welcome.

-Pops, just...

Look, there's been a mix up. All right?

You know, you wouldn't want to hurt her feelings again, would you?

No, course not.

No. Fab! Now go. Go, go...

Umm, so...football. Defence...

Yeah, left wing, right wing...

Lovely. Yeah. Go for it!

She's coming. Show time.

The flowers are beautiful. It means a lot.

You're welcome! You know, our date should have never happened.

I just wish that it had been better. That I'd been better.

-Yeah, cos you mashed it up last time...

-All right, Fats,

I mean, having your dad there didn't exactly help, did it?

So, if my dad wasn't there..?

Who knows? I mean, maybe we could...

we could try again?

Practice makes perfect.

Another date?

Cos I'm off tomorrow...

Yeah. Course. Why not?

Great!

Nah, it doesn't make sense.

Ian Beale, sleeping rough, hanging out in soup kitchens? Babe, you've got to be wrong.

Could you have made a mistake?

Lauren.

Uh. You don't know everything. We haven't told you everything.

Ian walked out.

He left Lucy and Bobby on their own.

He's down in Devon, with Peter. She told me.

She lied.

He just disappeared on his wedding day.

What you talking about? What do you mean just disappeared?

And you both knew this?

Well, we knew that he'd done a runner, yeah.

But not that he'd ended up on the streets.

She hasn't heard from him? She's not heard anything?

Not a phone call, nothing, since the wedding day?

-That was months ago.

-Why didn't you say?

Because Lucy was terrified, weren't she?

She's had the bailiffs on her case, Derek robbing her blind.

She had to hold it together. What choice did she have?

She's not going to put Bobby in care.

She could've called the police, or you two could've.

Lauren, I thought you were smarter than this. Why didn't you tell us before?

Because...she made me promise.

She's right, you know. Last week, she had the bailiffs knocking.

She was terrified, it was scary.

If that's what Ian knew was round the corner, maybe he's...

Yeah, that's it. Ian's just done a runner, ain't he?

Just waiting for the bailiffs to get off his case.

What? And left his teenage daughter to cope with it? No.

Nobody in their right mind'd do that, would they? He must've lost it.

I mean, do you remember his wedding day, him and Mandy?

It was like he went crazy. Didn't he? Do you remember?

-Whit. Go and get Alfie, will you, please?

-Why?

Cos Ian's going to be holed up somewhere, waiting for it all to blow over.

I reckon Alfie might know where he is.

-We can put a stop to all this nonsense. Go on, Whit. Please.

-Yeah.

Oi, oi. Here we go, then.

You two don't mind having a look at that, do you?

We both tried, and we were lame.

It's my eyes, see. Think they're going. Reckon I might need glasses.

Hold on. What is it?

One of them baby chairs. Ain't got instructions, though.

That's handy, then. So we're supposed to fix that without knowing how?

Two bright boys like you? Shouldn't take you more than an hour, tops.

Look, it ain't for me, is it? It's for Lexi.

You don't want her going without, do you?

No.

Shall we go and get the food, then?

-Yeah.

-Ben?

What's wrong with you, man? Alice, she's a nice girl.

It's not her I'm scared of, Fats. It's her psycho dad.

You know what you've got to do?

You've got to bowl up to that daddy-cool,

look him in the eye, be the big man, and say,

"No long ting, bruv, you're not invited."

-All right, yeah.

-Trust me.

Um, just give me a sec...

Alf! Alfie! All right?

What you doing later? I fancy a blow out. Fancy a boys' night out.

I need to get out the house before they turn it into a pink palace.

Yeah, yeah. Michael, we'll talk later.

Trace, hold the fort, sweetheart.

Joey! Do you want a drink?

Nah, you're all right. I only came in for a bit of change for the cafe. You three celebrating or something?

Kind of.

Anthony's taking me on a date.

Really?

Jane's not there. What time is it there? Shall I leave a message?

-DOORBELL RINGS

-Babe, can we just wait and see if we find him first?

Hiya. All right. Whitney told me. So what are we going to do?

What do you reckon?

You all saw the state he was in.

I don't know why he didn't ask us for help.

Everyone's talking about Ian. What about Lucy and Bobby?

Yeah. She's really struggling.

She's barely surviving.

Important thing is to find him. For Lucy and Bobby's sake.

Right. Let's go out and look for him, shall we?

Have we got a photo of him?

-Yeah. We must have somewhere. I'll have a look.

-All right.

What if you don't find him?

We'll have to phone the police, won't we?

Why's it done that?!

Because...

that is too small. Any muppet can see that.

Can't you find the right one so we can get on with it?

Yeah, get on with it, forget it never happened.

I asked you to pass me it, and you passed me this.

You couldn't look yourself? That's you all over, innit?

Always someone else's fault.

-And when Lexi falls through it...

-I'd never hurt her!

But you'd...?

I sent Pops down the Vic with the change.

You seen this?

This is what Shirley's doing for George, cos he ain't got no mum.

You know what that's like. Right? And so do you!

We all do. All right.

And if that ever, ever happens to her,

I need to know she's got you two.

Cos you ain't just friends, you're family. All right?

That's what you said, innit?

Just fix up.

Are you sure you don't want us to come with you?

No darling, no.

Whatever happens in the next hour, Lucy's going to need you girls.

Do you think if we were proper brothers, then you'd get over it?

Cos Dad and Grant, they always get over things. Anything.

The whole reason I kept quiet was cos I thought of you as a brother.

Hiding the picture frame...

..I was out of order.

And I panicked and... You're right. And I'm sorry.

Mmm. Course you are.

Me and you, we can never go back to how we were.

We're not the same.

Nothing's the same.

It could be.

You scare me.

Don't be stupid!

I don't know who you are.

Don't know what you're capable of.

You just said you think of me as a brother!

"Thought".

Not no more.

I'm here for Lola. And I'm here for Lexi.

And they want to see us getting on.

So that's what we'll show 'em.

His name's Ian,

and he went missing from the Walford area a couple of months ago.

Look, if anything comes to you, just let a volunteer know. Please.

Can't imagine Ian Beale hanging out with this lot.

Swapping recipes, bragging about his hot-tub?

Breaks my heart though, Max.

We've all had our troubles in the past. Who ain't?

But what does it take to tip someone over the edge? Eh?

Loads of people end up here before Ian.

You think Lauren might've got it wrong?

Yeah. You heard what she said - the bloke looked different.

Lets hope so, eh?

-Nothing.

-See?

So what do we do now then, eh?

Oi!

I know him.

We came to talk.

Right. Well, I might not be feeding the homeless, but I'm busy.

We only want to say one thing.

We're sorry.

Sorry.

Right. I thought I was spoilt and selfish. Why are you being so nice?

Free jacket potato?

One filling, max. Trying to make a profit here.

He must be a good mate of yours for you to go to all this trouble.

Either that or he owes you lot one heap of cash.

He is a good mate, ain't he?

Hasn't anyone ever come looking for you?

Like I said, if it's the bloke I'm thinking of,

he don't look like that any more.

His hair's a bit... And he's got some, y'know...

So you really think he's going to be here, do you?

Wherever you're taking us?

You seen him there before?

We ain't got time to waste.

All right, mate.

I've seen him around a few times. He might've been here.

D'you reckon that no news is good news?

If they find him, they'll let us know.

Maybe not.

That's £3.40 down the drain.

Do you ever stop thinking about work?

Don't really have a choice, do I? Have you seen the new sign?

Yeah. Fats reckons he should get one of them Turner prizes

for that piece of art.

Covers up every trace of that gold-digger Mandy

and every one of Dad's bad decisions.

Did you see Ben on the stall?

We are like the next Beale generation.

We are sharper, we are smarter and we're a lot less selfish.

But you must miss your dad, though?

You were crying for him to come home a couple of weeks ago.

He abandoned us.

Bobby don't deserve that. Especially after Jane.

What kind of man walks out on their kids, eh?

We're better off without him.

You don't mean that.

Look, I've finally just got on top of the business stuff. I've got Joey. Bobby's happy. So I'm happy.

Is this where you sleep?

Are you mad? These are places you end up if you're proper rock bottom.

I can usually find somewhere.

Hold on. What do you mean, "somewhere"?

Can't you go home? You're just a kid.

If you grew up where I did, you wouldn't want to go home.

Babe, this is a joke. We ain't going to find him here.

Oh, come on. Let's just get on with it, shall we?

What?

Nice suit.

I've been looking for you.

-All right? Can I have a word?

-Yeah.

Alice, I ain't sure about this Anthony bloke.

You'll like him. He's really funny.

Yeah? From what I've seen, he reckons he's a bit of a player.

Anthony?

I don't want you wasting your time on some sap

who'll just take you for granted and...

Would you rather I just jumped from bed to bed

to try and keep my feet warm?

I just don't want you making a fool of yourself. That's all.

A lovely thing to say to your sister.

-Joey!

-I should go.

The last thing you say to a girl is to keep away from a guy.

Anthony's all right.

Alice deserves better than all right.

If she finds out you've scared him off, she'll hate you. Trust me.

Joey... Just let her find out on her own. Make her own mistakes.

All right. Well, if you think of anything, there's a number on the back. Just give us a call.

Thanks.

No-one's seen him.

You'd think he'd stick out like a sore thumb, wouldn't you?

That kid knows your mate.