05/01/2013 EastEnders Omnibus

TEXT MESSAGE TONE

HE SIGHS

-What's that?

-This? Oh, this - this is... This is for later.

-Hey, did you send the invites out to everyone?

-Mission complete.

-Oh, look at you two, getting on, that's what I like to see.

-Indeed.

I knew it'd work out.

Without your help, Mas, I would never have seen her for the woman

she truly is. Huh?!

-See, I knew you'd see sense in the end. Good.

-You joker!

THEY LAUGH

-What was that?!

-Just sharing the love.

IMITATES HIM: "Just sharing the..."

If Masood finds out then this is over, OK?

Now if you want to stay here, you help me with Tamwar and Ayesha, and...

you help me make this the party of the century, do I make myself clear?

-Completely.

-Good.

HE CHUCKLES

-Now if he kicks off again...

-No.

-He's just worried about the christening...

-And I'm not?!

He didn't mean it, Lola... And this time tomorrow it's all about Lexi...

Yeah? Come on.

Ain't it bad luck to take these down early?

I'll take my chances.

Oh, you need to have a word with Jay and Cora about tomorrow,

-they can be godparents.

-Seriously?

-Yeah.

Sort it out with them, make sure they know what they're doing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, course. Thanks. Where's Lexi?

-She's asleep in the kitchen.

-Can...

-Don't wake her up though, yeah?

So, what brought this on? Why the big turnaround?

You know Mum, she'd only stick her oar in, wouldn't she?

-You all right about it?

-Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

-Phil, it's Lexi.

She's got a rash, she's covered in it.

-See, I told you it weren't a bad idea.

-£40 game consoles to a bargain stall...

-DOORBELL

-I'll get it.

No, it's all right, I'll get it.

-I'm popping round to Alice, see if she wants to come round later.

-Mum, I can explain.

-What?

-It's about Derek.

Right, I'm coming with you.

No, you've already had your time this week.

-It might be something serious.

-Phil...

-No, no, she ain't coming.

I've already bent the rules, haven't I, and she messed up.

From now on, it's by the book, right? Come on.

So what, you want me to go to a party where there's no alcohol?

-She's a friend!

-She's a nightmare!

-Without her, you wouldn't have this place.

-Wait now, man, I thought we were all going to the Vic?

-Dee!

Ray's going to be working, so what you going to do, eh?

-Go to the Vic with the hump or are you going to come out and have some fun?

-Fun? With Zainab?

I've told AJ we're going now, so we're going.

Right, I'm going to go and sort out my outfit and I suggest you two do the same!

-New Year's with the Masoods.

-Mmmm.

-It's true what they say, innit?

2012 - end of the world. Cheers.

Psst. Hey! Have you seen this?

-Come here...

-Just put them up. What are you doing?

-So sweet.

-What are you up to?

-Nothing.

Everything I can to make sure this party is what you want,

'the party of the century'. Good.

OK, come on, people! We have three - THREE hours to get ready. Hurry up!

TAMWAR AND AYESHA CHAT AND LAUGH

All right? All set for tonight?

I will be once I've blown this lot up.

You want to give those to Alfie, he's full of hot air.

-Whereas you're just a smooth talker?

-Opinion's divided on that I think.

-Well, I like to make my own mind up about people.

-Do you?

I'm in tonight, I'll buy you a drink.

-What kind of rash is it?

-I don't know, just a rash.

-She'll be fine.

Don't forget, her godfather's looking out for her now.

Phil, just calm down for a minute?!

-Hey! How stupid are you?!

-Oi...

-What's your problem?!

That rash, yeah? There was me thinking I'd done something to her.

-That something was wrong with her.

-What's wrong with her?

-YOU! You're what's wrong with her.

She's five months and you smothered her in that coconut cream at the salon! She had an allergic reaction.

-What?! Where is she, I want to see her.

-You're going nowhere near her, you've done enough damage!

-Yeah, well things will be different when I get her back.

-IF! If you get her back.

Come on, Phil, that's a bit out of order!

Lo, it's all right, darling.

Come here, it's all right.

It's all right.

It's all right.

Why didn't you tell me?

I didn't want to give you anything else to worry about.

-Do all the kids know?

-Well, Liam was trying to sell some of it...

-What?!

That's why I went to the Old Bill. To get it away from us.

-And now it's gone!

-What?! So Liam was trying to sell Derek's dodgy gear?!

Well, he was but I've found out and I've stopped it...

Well, what about him and all the stuff disappearing?

I've asked him about that. He said he never touched it.

He swore to me he had nothing to do with it!

Yeah, and Derek swore to me that he'd get rid of everything in the first place.

Must have thought I was a right idiot.

LIAM'S PHONE RINGS

Hello?

Yeah, job done - how many more we got?

Oi! Kim! Shift it!

There's others that want to get ready here as well, you know?!

I mean, what is she up to up there? It'll be 2014 before she emerges.

Well, I think she's planning a bit of chaos tonight.

Yeah? Well, she may not be the only one.

Mm-hm. Maybe tonight is the night, Mr Right'll be waiting for you.

-At Zainab's?!

-Mmm.

-I don't think so.

-I don't see why not.

No, I'm just going out there to have a little bit of fun!

That's if my flamin' sister gets her backside out the bath!

-Lemons, yeah?

-Please.

-All right?

-Oh, you all right, sweetheart?

OK, so I'm just going to get a card for the Christening...

Right, so I'll get you one as well...

Or you can just sign mine if you want...

-You are going?

-Probably...

-I dunno... Listen, I'll probably be on duty. I dunno.

-Yes, you will.

-You will. Ian, you up for a party later?

-Yeah.

I'm going to go to the Masoods' first, but I should be in for Big Ben, yeah.

-OK, brilliant, I'll see you later, yeah?

-Yeah.

-I think that's the point at which you should have said you'd go with her tomorrow.

-Cheers.

-What do you mean he threatened her?

-He told her she wouldn't get Lexi back.

-He kicked off with everyone.

-Something's not right.

-Yeah him,

why can't you see he's a bully.

I'm not doing this now, Jack, I do not want a row.

Yeah, well, funnily enough, neither do I.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

I know you've got a lot on your mind. With Derek and everything.

Come on, babe, I don't want to start New Year like this.

Yeah, well, neither do I. Sorry.

Well, I've got staff who's covering everything at work tonight.

So let's go out and celebrate, yeah...

-I'm not really a New Year's Eve party type of bloke.

-Well, that was before you met me.

I'm thinking me and you, some balloons, some fizz.

-We'll have a great time, yeah?

-Yeah.

-Come here.

MUSIC PLAYS

Wow. You look beautiful.

-Thank you...

-Zee, you know...

-Oh, don't you look lovely. Don't they?

DOORBELL Our first guests.

OK, Masood, serviettes, Tamwar, food, Ayesha, drink.

It's not fancy dress, is it?

MOUTHS: You..!

-Peggy's not coming? Why not?

-She just ain't.

-Oh, Phil, she knows what this means to you.

It's tomorrow, for crying out loud. She better have a damn good reason.

I told her about you helping out and being involved.

She texted me this, this morning.

Well, one thing about Peggy, she speaks her mind.

I know you two don't get on... but she could have been there.

-She could have come.

-Look, we're going to have a lovely day,

we're not going to let her spoil it.

This is supposed to be a family christening.

-You know, I got Billy and Roxy. That's great, innit.

-And me.

You've got me and I promise you, I am going nowhere.

TEXT MESSAGE TONE

It's Jack...

-I better go. So we'll see you in the Vic later, yeah?

-No, I don't know.

-No! You WILL be in the Vic later or I'll come and find you. Deal?

-Deal.

See you later.

How many more times have I got to tell you? It wasn't me!

No, Derek spent most of his life inside, kids he never saw...

Endless lies.....

I watched him break my mum's heart time and time again.

Is that what you want, Liam? D'you want to break your mum's heart?

I'm sorry, Mum.

It's all right, it's...done now.

Swear on my life you don't know where the stuff is?

I swear.

Hey, so how come you didn't fall for the fancy dress thing then?

I have...

-I've come as a Hatman.

-I don't believe this.

-You want some?

-Great minds.

-What are you two like?

-It's a party, Dee.

-Will you stop?!

Hello. Do you have any drinks? Ayesha's made the most wonderful fruit punch.

DOORBELL Mas, AJ, door, more guests!

-No, thanks, I'm OK.

-Yeah, me too.

-What?

-Yes, well, I'd love some. Thank you.

-It's lovely, you know.

I might have made another bit of a mistake with an invite. So...

-Hi.

-Hello.

Listen, the last thing Ian needs is to be made fun of.

-Who's making fun of him?

-AJ!

-I thought you weren't drinking.

-Oh! Live long and prosper.

-Something tells me that I might just need it.

We have to get Tamwar and Ayesha alone together.

If you come up with a good plan let me know.

I've got a good plan, leave them be.

DOORBELL RINGS

Excuse me.

Happy New Year.

Oh, well, that is just charming... She's got some front, I'll give her that.

Well, I wouldn't want to be in here if she's still about when Tanya gets back.

Oh, I don't know, might be worth a ringside seat. Hey, you came then?

Well, you told me I had to, besides, it's my boozer, innit.

-You don't have to be on your own, you know.

-Is that right?

You've got family just around the corner,

they're probably too scared to come in in case you kick off again.

Just don't be too stubborn to say sorry, Phil.

-Has that got my name on it, Jack?

-Yes, all over it.

-Oh, all right?

-You all right?

Yeah, yeah, just getting, you know, ready for a...mad night.

-I've just come to be with Tommy for a little while.

-Yeah, course.

Jean's upstairs with him. They're having like a New Year's Eve

nursery party, Amy, Dennis, Lexi and Scarlett.

-Did he have a good birthday?

-Yeah, yeah, he did. He had a good birthday.

I've never been to a party like this before.

No, funnily enough, neither have I.

-There's more food, I can always come back...

-No, you're all right.

Happy New Year.

-Happy New Year.

-You all right? Aaah...

So, you know, we don't have to stay long, you know - if you don't want.

We could go somewhere a little bit more quiet.

-No, no, I like it...it's different, innit?

-Yeah. yeah...

Oh, look, there's Tam. Hello.

-Not staying?

-Er... No, there's only so much fun a girl can have.

But thanks for the supplies.

How..! Hello. How dare she?!

She comes to our party, she eats our food, she steals our food.

And then she says that we're not having fun. Fun!

I will show her fun. Hello, would you like some more to eat?

-Please, hold the tray, help yourself. Fattyboy!

-Yes?

Make sure people have drinks, OK? Please. Fun, everyone have fun.

-Good?

-Good call, Spock.

-Grit your teeth.

-Boldly go where no man....

-Shhhhh, you'll get us rumbled.

-More, more, more.

-No, no!

-THEY LAUGH

IAN COUGHS

-THEY LAUGH

-Listen, if you're going to croak, do it outside.

Zainab hates a messy floor.

You all right?

Better?

THEY LAUGH

You come to tell me what I can and can't do

even when I'm not with Lexi?

-I ain't come for a row.

-That's a shame.

-What do you want, Phil?

-Maybe I overreacted.

-Just a tad.

And said some things that, er... I shouldn't have done...

Maybe I was out of order.

So...we're all right, then? Are we?

You tell me.

But, Zee, it's not technically your job, is it, now, so...

Well, come on, we all know it is. Please, can I have my job back?

OK, so great, you want me to sack your son, do you?

Yeah, he'll be fine. Soon he's going to have other things on his mind.

-I'm at a party, so...

-Have I got my job back or not?

-Yes, yes...

-Yes?

Yes, you can have it. Have it. And while you're at it, you know what, have my job as well!

Really? Joking!

-You all right?

-Me? I'm... I'm good... I'm...

at a party in London... And I like cherryade...

SHE GIGGLES

I feel weird.

-HE SNIFFS

-Oh!

-OK, you're drunk.

-No. No, I've never, ever had alcohol.

-OK.

-Ever.

Just need to get you some fresh air. And...

Just drink that.

You've got a very kind face, you have.

Squidge, squidgy, oh, kind face.

I like your face.

-Yeah, just...

-Aah...

There we go.

-There you go. On the house...

-There you go folks, Happy New Year.

-Cheers. And thanks for Cora and Jay...

-What's all this about?

-Phil's guilt.

-Well I'll drink to that.

-Phil. Well done.

Here, Rox, listen, sweetheart, I've been thinking, all right...

-Yeah, what about?

-Well, we kind of have to...

-we kind of have to do what we feel is right, OK?

-Yeah...

Listen, you can say no if you want...

But I'd really like it if you and Amy moved in here with me.

-Us? Move in?

-Yeah.

Listen, if you think it's a bit, you know, then...

Alfie... Alfie... Yeah.

-Yeah?

-Yeah, we'd love to.

Wow! Yeah.

-Wow, yeah, 2013, it's going to be the best year yet.

-Alfie!

It's all right, sweetheart, won't be long.

Right. OK, you lucky people, who's next?

OK, who's next?

-How about that drink then?

-I'm busy at the moment.

-Come on, let me take you away from all this.

-Sorry, sweetheart, I'm married.

That's funny, so am I.

PARTY MUSIC PLAYS AJ, AJ! Quickly, come and see...

HOUSE PHONE RINGS

-Mrs M!

-What?

-It's the phone...

So take a message, Fattyboy!

LAUGHING AND CHEERING IN THE BACKGROUND

-AJ here, now....

-Mr and Mrs Kabani?

Kayani, Midday tomorrow... OK, yeah...

GUESTS DOING THE HOKEY COKEY AJ, come here!

-I'm missing the hokey cokey.

-Shh. See.

Us, you and me, we created that magic...

SHE RETCHES AND COUGHS

Will do. Happy New Year to you too.

OK, so where was we?

-Well, I was just about to say that Cora's out, and...

-Mmm, so...

In out, in out, Everybody's out.

Exactly, but...well, it's not just here we can do the hokey cokey, is it?

-No, it is not. Shall we..?

-Mm-hm.

-Yeah?

FATS GIGGLES

What's he up to? The big turnaround about the godparents?

-I mean, that's not his style.

-It's not down to him, Jack.

-What do you mean?

-It's Peggy, she's told him she's not going to be there tomorrow, it's out of his hands.

-I gave Alice a call but she don't fancy coming over.

-Cheers.

-She all right?

-Yeah, she just wants a quiet night.

-If you want to go out, I'll look after the kids.

-No, I'm fine.

I was really tempted, Mum, you know. Just to have some money for once...

-You know, for the kids...

-You did the right thing.

I was wrong about Liam, it must have been just some chancer. I'm sorry.

-He's a good boy.

-Yeah, he is.

I'm really proud of you.

TEXT MESSAGE BEEP

DOORBELL RINGS

Oh, hello.

-I'm not too late, am I?

-Aw! Come here.

-RINGS BELL

-OK, folks, we're nearly there, so get your glasses filled up!

Trace, turn it up, turn it right up, darling.

So, seeing as I'm moving in, are you going to be my plus one tomorrow? MUSIC TURNS UP

It would be my pleasure. So are we ready for the big countdown?!

-CHEERING

-I said are we ready for the countdown?!

CHEERING

-I knew it, such a match....

-How deluded are you?

You can't keep sticking your oar in. "Oooh, I saved the day!

-"Ooh, the party, Tamwar, Ayesha..." It never stops.

-Yeah?

Well, excuse me for wanting everything to be perfect.

-No, I'm not playing. I'm telling Mas...

-Listen.

-You do and you are out.

-Zee.

-Ah, Mas, we should hand out...

-you know, drinks to all the guests.

-Zee, will you listen to me for a second.

-Mas, there's something you should know.

-Not now, AJ.

-Yeah, not now AJ, because we have guests, we have a party. We are having lots of fun, OK?

-All right.

So why don't we hand out some food... You should hand out some food....

Stop it, will you just stop worrying about this party

and telling everyone what to do for two minutes!

I've been trying to get you on your own all day!

I don't care now, I don't care who hears, all right...

-I got this this morning.

-What's this?

Ahem... It's the confirmation details.

For what?

For our booking for the registry office.

ALL: Awwww...

I hope you've got Valentine's Day free.

-Really?

-Really.

ALL: 10... 9... 8... 7...

6... 5...

4... 3... 2... 1...

BIG BEN CHIMES

CHEERING

-Happy New Year!

-Happy New Year.

-Happy New Year.

CHEERING

Happy New Year.

CHEERING

Happy New Year, everyone.

This is the best party ever.

-Three cheers for Zee and Mas. Hip hip...

-ALL: Hooray!

-Hip hip...

-ALL: Hooray!

-Hip hip...

-ALL: Hooray!

Yeah, man!

You made any New Year's resolutions yet?

-Not to see your ugly mug would be a good start.

-I have...

This time next year, Sharon is going to be mine.

# For the sake of auld lang syne

# For auld lang syne, my dear

# For auld lang syne

# We'll take a cup o' kindness yet

# For the sake of auld lang syne

# For auld lang syne my dear... #

RETCHING AND COUGHING

She must have had the cherryade.

Really(?) That's weird.

Cos cherryade doesn't really tend to do this to people.

-What did you do?

-Nothing!

The cherries, they can ferment, and you... Aah...

-OK, I put some vodka in it.

-So you poisoned her?

That is deliberately inflammatory. She'll be fine.

-Are you OK in there?

-COUGHING

Where is Ayesha?

I have no clue, why?

Found this note from Fattyboy.

Says the Kayanis are bringing Rashid over at midday.

Rashid as in her future husband?

You were her future husband five minutes ago. COUGHING

Who is in there?

Is a godparent an actual god?

Well, they're like family. They promise to look after the baby.

-You know, the vicar asks questions and...

-What like?

Do you renounce the devil?

What did you say?

Oh, nothing. Talking to myself.

Tuck yourself in.

Here we go. Let's put you up there, shall we?

Let's put you up there. Yeah.

Yeah, so it says here,

"Do you renounce the deceit and the corruption of evil?"

You make me sound like a soldier of God.

Do I get a sword as well?

How come you get to be godparent and not me?

Don't mess around, Jay.

Of all the babies out there, Lexi needs godparents more than most.

(Oh, no.)

Blimey, girl...

you look beautiful.

Who'd have thought it, eh?

Your little baby being christened in a church?

It's almost too good to be true, innit?

-What's all this about?

-I dunno. Just with the godparent stuff...

Well, we're just going to have to trust him, ain't we?

Oh, I got that for Lexi.

"Lexi Pearce."

Yes, yes!

'That is lovely...'

Yeah... There we go.

Don't he look handsome? All he needs now is a tie.

-Jack?

-Oh, in the top drawer.

You know you've been a bit off since yesterday.

-Thinking about Derek?

-No.

No, I'm thinking about my missus going to her ex's granddaughter's christening for no reason.

-I was invited.

-Don't mean you gotta go, though, does it?

No, Jack, it means you don't have to go.

Oh, no, I'll be there, don't you worry about that.

This one!

Christmas is over, cheeky.

Come on, we've got to get to Saint Cuthbert's in an hour.

Right.

Hey. Happy 2013!

Whatever.

Where you going?

Alfie has asked us...to move in. What do you reckon?

And you're just going? Just like that.

Bit keen, that's what I reckon.

-Where's my month's notice?

-I've paid my rent!

Shouldn't there be a...period of readjustment or something?

You're going to miss us, aren't you?

-Don't be ridiculous.

-Yeah, you're going to miss us!

You know, Sharon said she'd never work there again...

and Kat - look what happened to Kat.

It's weird, that place. Does weird things to people.

Need I mention your dad?

MICHAEL! What's the matter with you?

KNOCK ON THE DOOR

Right, Saint Cuthbert's?

There, you beauty.

HE SIGHS

Well, it's 2013, and the Mayans were wrong, innit?

We're all still here, and nobody died.

Apart from Derek.

That is so inappropriate!

Ah, he can file a complaint. How you doing?

Oh, Go... I'm going to be sick again!

Oh, only guests who pay in full can be sick in this building!

Dee, no more freeloaders, please, yeah? New Year's resolution...

-like eating less fruit, yeah?

-Don't you mean more fruit?

-Well you aim low, you get results.

-Give her a chance.

She might just get that job at McKlunky's.

Would you want her handing over your chicken bucket supreme?

No, no, no, ain't no-one going to give her a job there!

It's time she got real -

and got out!

SHIRLEY RETCHING

I have got a lot to do today, you know.

You thought it'd keep me away, eh? Give you a free run at Sharon?

-You're getting paranoid.

-Yeah? Well, you said you were going after her!

-Yeah, and I meant it.

-Yeah, and it ain't working.

All right, I'm coming to the ceremony.

-It's family only.

-Yeah? Well, Sharon ain't your family!

And you make a play on her and I will tear you apart.

Why? Are you worried she might take me up on it?

Oi, the only reason I didn't knock you out yesterday is because of her!

-Are you listening to me?!

-No, not really...

Cos you don't mess with this stuff!

All right? You do not mess with James!

Oi, what's all the shouting about?

BABY GURGLING

-What's the matter with him?

-Nothing.

I don't any arguing around my...

Oh...she's already dressed?

Hello.

Aw, look at that.

Ain't that the most beautiful sight in the world?

Well, I wanted to dress her.

Well, it's a good job I did it, innit?

-You ain't even ready yet?

-I'm getting ready later on. Just keeping this fresh.

Well, get it on now. We're going to go over the Vic.

-Have photos done.

-Phil...

..she looks perfect.

-We're late.

-Right.

Do you know what? Mummy has got you a present!

Shall we see what it is?

I got you a little bracelet, look,

and it's got your name on it. "Lexi Pearce". Look.

How did she get the alcohol?!

Tamwar?

Sorry, I've been working out.

Did you do this on purpose? Because you hate me so much?

You know, press ups, squat thrusts...

-I had no idea she was drinking it.

-Just getting trim for the wedding and the...

-Can you just shut up for a second?

-Zainab, this isn't about me or you.

The question isn't HOW she got the booze, it's WHY she drank it.

-Maybe because she thought it was cherryade?

-She must have known! Hm?

Well? Why would a girl who's come all the way to London to get hitched

drink herself into oblivion the night before the meeting? Hm?

My will is next to my bed...

..you get nothing.

Phil wants us over at the Vic for a photo.

-Oh, I'll get my fascinator!

-Get me something to cover my ugly mug.

Jokes helping, are they?

I bet you hoped you'd seen the last of that church.

Mmm.

Snap out of it, Jay. It ain't about you.

Listen up...

..Phil's a very clever man - he's got me as godmother,

he's involved Sharon and now he's roped you in.

Three houses brought together overnight.

Nice little empire...with him at the centre.

-It's only a christening.

-Nah...

this ain't just a day out, a chance to look dapper.

Phil thinks he's taking control...

don't be his puppet.

Whatever he tries on...

you fight for Lexi all her life.

You understand me?

We all set?

Are we, Jay?

Yeah.

PHONE RINGING

Shirley! I only answer phones for paying guests!

-It's McKlunky's.

-Oh, it'll be the job.

-Yeah.

-She's in no state to answer!

-Well, you do it then.

-No, I'm not...

-Look, I need to get my money!

-Just pretend you're Shirley. Go on.

Happy New Year, Shirley Carter at your service.

That's SO not Shirley. She'd be like, "I'm busy. Beat it scumbag!"

Shh!

Really?!

Oh, that's wonderful! Thank you! Thank you!

I'll call in later. Yeah.

She got the job!

Shirley! It's time to pay up!

Kim, that's no way to tell her! Kim!

Here she is! My new flatmate.

-Oi! "Flatmate"?!

-It's like a term of endearment, OK?

See, look at this. Arguing already. It's nauseating.

Listen, thanks for helping her over with the bags and that.

-Why don't you pop over later, have a beer? Call it a bit of a house warming, eh?

-Yeah. Yeah, all right.

I'll keep your room free.

Funny 11 o'clock this is(!)

-We're supposed to be doing the photograph in five minutes.

-I'm not dressed yet!

Got to get you upstairs.

Jean and Tommy are waiting to show you your new digs!

-Oh, I'm sorry, it's just that we're, er...

-We're what? What..?

We're late, that's what we are. Come on, let's go. We're late. Sorry.

-Go, go, go.

-Kat ain't been gone five minutes!

-Got it?

-Yeah.

What have you got in here, eh?

Nervous about your big day, Phil?

Happy New Year, mate!

Cheers. Get over to the fireplace, yeah.

-Is that his way of saying Happy New Year?

-Oh, at last, we're all here.

Oh, I don't think so, Phil. Where's the christenee?

Lexi?!

Phil, have you seen Jack?

He's probably gone to find someone else to have a go at.

How long does it take Billy to put a suit on?

Pops?

Pops, come on, hurry up!

I don't believe it!

First my Olympics trainers and now this.

-What's wrong with it?

-What's wrong with it? Have a look.

Look, I just pulled it on and that's happened.

-I can't go dressed like this.

-You're going to have to.

-Just have to put your back against the wall or something.

-Phil's going to go mental.

-Phil?!

It's my baby's christening, and I'm saying it's all right!

-Ain't that good enough?

-No, darling, I didn't mean it like that.

Actually, maybe I should check with him that I look all right(?)

We don't want him turning us away at the door, do we?

Here you are. Hurry up.

All right, all right.

Right, well, those heels have been well and truly been given the old...

THEY LAUGH

Are you ready?

Yeah...erm...

Look, can I just say, it's all right.

You don't have to, like, erase every sign of your entire life...

No, no. I know. Of course.

So just relax. Please. Yeah?

Yeah, OK.

Of course, if I find a pair of her old knickers, YOU will get the old...

I don't blame you!

Give me a sec.

SHE CHUCKLES

Right, erm...come on.

Come on, come on.

Oh, no.

Maybe I should have another pass at the living room?

Don't worry about that, because...your kingdom...awaits.

After you, madam.

Er...

Right, well I just keep expecting Kat to jump out on us.

-Don't you?

-No, no, no, not massively, no.

Anyway, it's well appointed. All mod cons.

You know, no expense spared.

Alfie, Alfie, I want to move in, OK?

-You don't need to sell it to me.

-OK.

But...

No, no, there's no "but"s, just maybe a few "what if"s.

What do you mean, "if"s? I don't...

Look, what if it's too soon?

What if it's not going to work, Alfie?

Well, you know, Amy's settled in there with Tommy,

and if they can hack it...

They're kids, yeah? They don't have emotional baggage, do they?

What is that?

OK...all right, let me explain, all right?

Cos, erm, well, we don't have any pictures of me and you...of US,

and I just want to give you some idea

that when we do eventually get pictures of us, then, you know,

that's kind of what we'll look like.

Everywhere. Put pictures of us everywhere. It'll be great.

You do know that I'm never ever...

going to wear an A-line skirt, don't you?

I understand.

But you do know I tend to walk around naked

with just cowboy boots, all right?

Please, just leave us alone!

Yeah, well, we don't have time,

cos the Kayanis are going to be here in an hour!

Look, Ayesha, no-one's cross. Just tell us.

Did you know there was alcohol in there?

Ah.

Are you going to tell my mam?

-Well...

-No!

No, course we're not.

-Look, maybe we should postpone this meeting?

-No.

Please!

It was my dad's dying wish that I find a good husband.

-Right, well, no-one is cancelling anything.

-Zee...

No. That is the end of it, OK?

Now we have just under an hour to get you presentable

and to get this house presentable - so come on, come on, let's get to it.

And that means you two. Come on, let's go!

Right, come on, then. Fut-a-fut, let's go. Come on. Up, UP! Let's go.

-Come on, come on...

-Yeah, all right, all right.

Here she is!

Oh, she's lovely! Oh, sweetheart. You're so beautiful I could eat you.

-Photograph. Now, yeah? Come on.

-What if I don't want a photo?

Oi, oi, don't start, all right? Let's just do it, yeah?

-Come on.

-All right, Phil, Lola?

Isn't Jack going to be in the photo, Mum?

I doubt it, darling. Even if he was here.

Yeah, what's wrong with him anyway?

I saw him shouting the odds earlier, at Phil's.

One wardrobe, Alfie?!

I was expecting, like, a walk-in closet

with a shoe rack to the heavens!

Once we do a clear out, we'll get some more room, won't we?

Kat's stuff, yeah?

Hey, you look beautiful!

All right, come on then, everyone!

Settle down and SMILE.

One, two, three.

-Say cheese.

-ALL:

-Cheese.

That's it. Right, the cars are outside.

-Billy, Billy, could you look after Denny?

-Yeah. Where you going?

Well, I'll get a cab or something.

Now, you be a good boy for Billy, yeah? See you there.

Sharon, where are you go..?

I thought you'd be happy?

Oh, you thought me serving up fried chicken all day

would put a smile on my face?

-You OK, Sharon?

-Er, yeah. I'm looking for Jack.

-Have you seen him?

-Oh, don't tell me.

He's not happy about you going on Phil's big family outing?

Oh, you'd think if he was secure in himself,

-he wouldn't have a problem with it, wouldn't you?

-Nah, they're never secure, are they?

That's just a front...to make you think that they ain't little boys

that need their mums.

THEY CHUCKLE

You should never have let Phil in.

All this...it's just the start.

Properly clean, Tamwar...

not your usual approximation.

Oh, wow(!) Why don't you put some effort into it?

You know you just point it at the dust, and it does the rest for you.

If you ain't pushing us around the kitchen, you are pushing people into wedlock!

No-one's being pushed, actually.

That's what you think. You know what, I can't do this.

I'm a conscientious objector.

You are such good company when you've got a hangover.

It's an outdated convention.

Forces people into lives they didn't choose.

It's arranged, not forced. ARRANGED.

You don't choose your life, anyway.

You don't choose when, where, to who you're born.

-You don't choose who you are, it's forced upon you.

-Yeah, and us!

Please, stop it!

Last night, I did something terrible.

Dad would be so ashamed.

Whatever you think, just let me do this one thing right.

What do you think?

-Huh?

-Of arranged marriages?

Well, what's the alternative? Clubbing?

Chatting someone up in a nightclub's not what it's cut out to be.

-Believe me, I tried it enough times when I was your age.

-Seriously?

-Yeah, maybe once or twice!

-What?

Look, Ayesha, above all, your father wanted you to be happy, yeah?

So don't make yourself unhappy in your father's name.

-You two move fast!

-Don't give them time to think, Cora, eh?

-They might change their minds.

-Oi!

-I'm joking!

How much must this all have cost him?

I mean, her dress cost a fortune.

I didn't even know about the photographer or the cars.

How did you think we were going to get there?

When someone spends this much money on something, they always want something back.

It's just Phil splashing the cash. That's all.

-He's just trying to do the right thing with Ben being inside, yeah?

-And is Pops coming or not?

He's taken Dennis to the little boys' room. Now, calm down!

Abi, get in the car.

You all right?

Yeah.

Good lad.

We all set?

-Where's Sharon?

-I dunno.

I can't believe you had a go at Phil in front of Lola.

-Yeah, well, it weren't in front of her.

-On today of all days, Jack?

It wasn't in front of her!

You know, when we met I was a single mum, out on my ear...

but you just accepted me, Jack. I couldn't believe it...

and now I'm just an irritation who keeps doing the wrong thing.

Yeah, well, that ain't true, is it?

Instead of trusting me, you think I'm going to run off with Phil

cos me name's on a piece of paper, Jack.

Is it too much for me to ask you just to do this one thing, right?

One thing without any questions or any aggro?

It's not the relationship I want.

Yeah, well, you going to this christening, that ain't the relationship I want!

Oh, right...an ultimatum.

Well, I'm sorry I'm not the woman you want me to be, Jack.

Sharon, that's not what I meant.

Look, I want to marry you, not lose you!

Is that your idea of a proposal?

Yeah. Why not? Marry me.

All right, and all I've got to do is follow your orders and I'm yours?

Lucky me.

HE SIGHS

Oh, nice work, everyone, well done.

Eh? Scene of the crime.

Put these on!

That's yours, yours, yours. They'll be here any minute.

-I'm going to go check on Ayesha.

-Is this really necessary?

Yes. If we're going to do something,

then we may as well do it properly or not at all.

Our good family name is at stake!

Ha! You've got a good name?

This is the start of us...

..I don't know, re-establishing ourselves, OK?

I want people to like us again. Don't you?

I do.

Whatever.

Erm...

Yeah, Ayesha's bag isn't there,

and, more importantly, she isn't there either.

What you doing, checking out your new home?

It is going to be home, isn't it?

What, with you and Amy in it, how could it not be, eh?

Come on.

Come on, we're supposed to be there by now.

Oi, Phil! We going or what?

Yeah, Sharon's going to meet us down there.

-I ain't going without her.

-Why not?

Phil, where you going now?!

He's up to something, I'm telling you.

All right. Just leave it, eh, Lo!

It's meant to be your special day, remember?

Why's she done a runner, she was all for it this morning?

Should we go look for her?

-I'll get it.

-This is going to be interesting. Hide that for me.

-Come on, Tamwar!

-All right.

-'Salam alaikum.

-Alaikum Salam.

-Please, please, come in.'

-Thank you, thank you.

-Everyone, it's the Kayanis!

-Salam alaikum.

-Where's Ayesha?

Rashid is no doubt dying to see her. Rashid, please, come in.

Salam alaikum.

-What you doing here?

-Habit?

I don't know. I thought I had everything...

and again it turns out I had nothing.

This is getting ridiculous.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, your meter's running, mate.

Maybe we should go without him, eh?

You know, I've lost everything and got it back again

and lost it again so many times...

I dunno, it's life, ain't it?

It's like the tide - it rolls in and rolls back out again.

Yeah, well, I don't want to live like that any more, Phil.

Me neither.

You all right?

I've had a...stressful morning.

Mmm.

You know, we've...messed up, Sharon, you know?

We've messed each other up, but...

well, we want the same thing.

World peace?

A family. A home...

full of people, you know? Something to build on.

You make it sound like an empire.

You know, there's a reason, Sharon,

that you turned up on my doorstep in that wedding dress.

Well, I didn't know who else to turn to.

Exactly. All the people that you've known in your life

-and you chose me, didn't you?

-Well, I knew you'd help me.

You didn't want saving from your marriage, Sharon.

-You wanted saving from your life.

-Please.

You knew that I'd take Dennis in, didn't you?

You knew that I'd take you both in.

You were engaged, remember? You kicked us out!

Yeah, well, I did have a bit on my plate, didn't I?

You had a tough couple of months, I'll give you that.

But...it all just fell apart, you know?

Shirley left...

Ben turned himself in...

and it all just went, but...

well, now...

now I got Lexi.

And...

Well, if I had you...and Dennis...

..well, that's it...that's it, right there.

I mean, it's not an empire...

it's a home.

Well, we just have to give it a name, that's all.

What are you saying, Phil?

-What you got there?

-No way. No...

-What?

-Take these. The christening's off.

-D'you know what? I KNEW I couldn't trust him!

-Lola, what are you doing?

She is my baby! She ain't his, all right?!

Yeah, course she is. What's the matter with you?

I was going to do this at the church.

Do what?

Sharon, we could have everything we ever wanted.

You know, starting today at Lexi's...

Our granddaughter's christening.

"Our" granddaughter?

Well, a couple of hours from now, she's going to be a Mitchell and...

well, you could be one too.

-Phil...

-You always have been really, Sharon, haven't you?

Take the name...

..and marry me.

-Here, let me...

-Phil, I...

Take your time, yeah?

And think about it.

I'll see you at the church.

Once you've seen one...

You've seen them all?

-Sorry, Vicar.

-It's OK.

Churches generally aren't known for their radical architecture.

I wasn't apologising for the remark.

You've got a Mitchell christening today. Sorry.

Cab! Cab!

-Saint Cuthbert's. Do you know it?

-Yep. No problem.

-Sorry, mate.

-OK.

Aren't you supposed to be at a christening?

Is that an engagement ring?

Please, can you just find her?

Can we not just accept the fact she's gone?

I'm going to go tell them.

Ayesha's mother and brother have been planning this for weeks! OK?

-They trusted me with it.

-More fool them.

-Tamwar!

Zee...

When was the last time someone trusted us with anything?

That boy out there, he's a good man, you know?

He doesn't deserve this.

She's right.

You stay here with AJ, you keep them happy.

-Come on, we'll go have a look around.

-Wait!

You're leaving me with AJ?!

CUTLERY DROPS

Happy New Year!

We're closed.

I just bumped into Sharon.

-I don't want to talk about it.

-I do.

You've only been with her five minutes, Jack.

Well, I had to do something, didn't I?

Why?

Because she actually believes

that Phil Mitchell has got good intentions.

Take it she said no, then?

I mean get this - of all the churches to choose, right,

he chooses the church where my son is buried!

He's making a play on her, ain't he?!

Oh, come on. Turn it in.

JACK SIGHS

What's up with you?

So, you two are properly together now, then?

Kat's history, is she?

Yeah. Ancient history.

-Ancient!

-Come on, where are they, then?

He said they're right behind us.

He was getting well naggy about us being on time as well.

What? "Naggy" is a word. Back me up, Alfie.

What's up with him?

Oh, just pre-christening nerves.

Here comes the "naggy" one!

-What you done with Lola and the others?

-They ain't here?

We left them with you!

Lo, what you got changed for?

Maybe it was a mistake? Maybe it was a misprint?

What and it just so happens the misprint's MITCHELL, does it?

He organised it all, maybe wires got crossed?

Do you even believe the words that are coming out your mouth?

-Not really, no.

-Don't you get it? He's trying to get between us.

PHONE RINGING

What am I going to say to him? Lo!

You can stuff your christening. I ain't interested!

Listen, I need to get back.

Do me a favour...keep everyone sweet, will ya?

Yes. Yes, I need a cab!

Problems?

-Well, so far, there's no baby, no Lola, no Billy...

-No Sharon.

There's no Sharon, and Phil's just gone off in a cab.

Like I said, sorry.

You OK?

Yeah.

You try and forget, don't you?

That there's a little boy that you should be looking after

and then...I dunno, you come here

and it all sort of goes out the window, don't it? That forgetting.

You OK?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Rox, we got Tommy back.

I mean, that's nothing compared to what you went through.

Hey, it's all right. It's not a competition, is it?

You've been funny since we got here. You going to tell me or what?

You know, it's just...

It's coming back here. Just reminds me.

It was, like, the beginning of the end.

-What's that saying, united in grief?

-Mm-hm.

I remember feeling so alone. It just...

Kat took it all.

It was like she was the only one who wanted to feel it.

It was just her way of dealing with things.

Well, that's her way of dealing with everything, isn't it?

You know, love....death. I mean...she's just so alone.

Whoever's with her, well, they're going to feel alone too.

And what about the person that's with you?

You tell me.

We're both here, aren't we?

Oh, thanks.

What are they?

Rhubarb and custard.

Used to love them when I was a kid.

What you got?

Revdi.

Been eating them constantly since I left Newcastle.

Mam said I should keep home with us, wherever I go.

I don't think she intended on us getting fat!

It's comforting, though.

Everything from home is very comforting.

You make that sound like a bad thing?

Thinking I should leave comforting behind.

There comes a point where comfort's what you want, believe me.

You realise that things that last, last for a reason.

That would make you suspicious of new things.

You want to swap?

Yeah.

Mmm, lovely!

'Anything?'

They're not that bad!

Nothing.

You haven't seen that girl that lives with us, have you?

-What girl?

-Oh, never mind. Come on.

I think I prefer my comfort food.

See...things that last...

Last for a reason.

You can't avoid 'em for ever.

They can't keep looking for ever!

Sober up.

That's no way to sober up, is it?

When I was a nipper, Derek was always telling me to be a man.

-Know what I mean? "Don't let anyone push you around."

-Derek?

As I recall, he was in charge of the pushing, most of the time.

That was his idea of an education, weren't it, eh?

To be a man meant to be in control...

..be in control of yourself...

..be in control of your family...

be in control of your work...

I couldn't stop James dying, though, could I?

Don't go down that road, mate, you'll do your head in.

I couldn't save my marriage.

You see, being in control...

..means letting things slip through your fingers.

Cos being a man, it's like bashing your fists against a wall

while the world still goes on and does what it wants anyway.

That what this is about, with Sharon? Being in control?

No, all right? It's not about that.

Michael, listen, with her...

I just...I sleep.

Every night, I just... I'm out.

Sounds passionate(!)

You know what I'm talking about. With her I just sleep.

I SLEEP.

Well, if you've found such peace, why you bringing marriage into it, then?

Cos I can't go back, can I?

She don't look too peaceful out there, mate.

She's staring at this engagement ring. She looks SHELL-shocked.

Engagement ring?

The one you proposed with?

I gave her an ultimatum, I didn't give her no ring!

I knew it! I KNEW it!

This is Phil, ain't it!

Hang on, Jack...

HAMMERING ON THE DOOR

We should hear him out.

You can't just run off like that -

otherwise we'll both end up losing her!

You met my daughter? Lexi PEARCE? It says so on her birth certificate.

-Shall I go get it?

-Just calm down, will you?

-Calm down?

I'm in a tug of war with the police, the social,

half of Walford are trying to take her away and the second...

-Sit down, will you?

-..and the SECOND I drag her back,

you join the other end! So go on.

You join the police and the social, and everyone else,

and take my daughter away AGAIN!

I thought you was supposed to be family.

MASOOD PANTING

I've been exercising all morning...

..what's your excuse?

Years of chronic inertia.

Er...

Why don't you go and check on the platforms?

You've got youth on your side. Go on. Go.

Go!

You thought I'd be flattered?

-Are you joking?

-I'm bringing her in, aren't I?

-And I thought you could change your name too.

-Right.

-Should I be ashamed of mine?

-I never say that, did I?

What you saying, I should just turn my back on MY family?

Let's not pretend you're from the House of Windsor.

There's a reason you've been brought up in care.

Yeah, and there's a reason Pops come to find me!

Billy's a Mitchell, ain't he?

That's what I'm doing, I'm giving you the chance to be like him.

To be one of us.

Is that the reason you let me have Jay and Cora as godparents?

You thought it'd sweeten me up, did ya?

You can't have Lexi growing up with all these names, she won't know where she is.

She won't have a different name. She'll have mine.

Listen...her dad is a Mitchell, yeah?

No matter what you think of him, he is her dad.

Her granddad's a Mitchell, her great-granddad is a Mitchell!

If you had the name too, well...

we'd be a proper family, wouldn't we?

And I look after my own, don't I, Billy?

You ain't that generous.

-Lexi'll be set for life.

-She IS set for life.

Even if I'm poor, I will give her everything that I've got.

Do you really think I'm going to trust you to do the same?

Phil...

she doesn't want the name.

Well...if you don't trust me, what about Sharon?

Sharon? What's Sharon got to do with any of this?

I've asked her to marry me.

Really? What, and she knows about the name change

and she's cool with that as well?

Yeah.

Yeah, so it wouldn't just be me.

It'd be you, it'd be you, Billy, me, Sharon...

I mean, if that ain't the nearest thing we're going to get to a proper family, I don't know what is.

I wish you'd tell me what's up.

And I wish you'd just figure it out.

Please?

Well, the last time I was here, we buried Heather.

Now I'm supposed to just stick on a suit and act the big man.

Where's my soldier of God gone, eh?

Maybe it's best they don't show up, eh?

Where's Phil?

Left in a cab half hour ago.

And Sharon?

Easy, easy, easy. Vicars don't do violence. Neither do I, Jack.

-Just be cool, all right?

-She said yes to him.

I bet you she's said yes to him.

You don't know that, Jack.

PHONE BEEPING

You're not going to shout at us?

Send us home?

You know, these things...

..these things are not one player. I've tried.

You ready?

SHE CHUCKLES

Ayesha, what have you been eating?!

Ohh...

Ah, your hangover any better?

Getting there.

-I'm done with the booze, that's for sure.

-Oh!

That's a pretty quick rebellious phase.

Without Dad, I got no-one to rebel against.

Why are you being so nice?

HE CHUCKLES

It's interrogation technique.

AYESHA LAUGHS

What we doing here, Ayesha?

Er, we're on a seesaw?

When you came here, you were so sure about everything.

You were going to meet Rashid, get married...

At home, it all seemed so simple.

You know, but that was before there was such a thing as London and...

your family and...

cherryade plus - AJ's name, not mine.

You make us sound like forbidden fruit!

Well, I can't imagine my brother letting us come to stay

if he knew what you...

Sorry.

So...

your eyes have been opened to the bounteous possibilities of life,

and you don't know what to do?

Sort of.

You want some advice?

Please.

Come home...

..meet Rashid. If you like him, that's great...

If you don't...then bid him farewell.

What, just...just turn him away?

Yeah, well, it's far less radical than doing a runner.

But...what about my family? His family?

Your family?

It's your life, Ayesha.

Huh!

SHE LAUGHS

Think he'll be all right?

You know what, when I was little,

I used to think churches were really sad places

cos they were surrounded by gravestones.

Yeah. It creates a vibe.

Yeah, but there's weddings, isn't there? And christenings...

Pat.

Yeah.

James is in good company.

Me too.

And there was me thinking we got all dressed up for nothing.

We still good to go, Vic?

Of course.

Come on, let's get inside, come on.

-She ain't half getting heavy.

-Jay, will you take her for a minute?

There you are, mate.

-All right?

-Does my hair look all right?

-Yeah, it looks great.

Come on, then.

Hey, she looks gorgeous!

Ah, you're going to make a great godfather.

Alfie, is Jack in there?

He's down there, sweetheart.

Mrs Masood, please, pass on our regrets to Ayesha's family

that this meeting could not take place.

Erm, perhaps if you could just wait a little bit longer...

Clearly, they hadn't heard about your family's chaotic ways in Newcastle.

Oh, that sounds like them!

I'm so sorry I'm late.

Oh, no, it's my fault. I read the note all wrong.

I got all the wrong timings!

Well, Rashid, this is Ayesha. Ayesha, Rashid.

I've waited so long to meet you.

Well, why don't we leave them to it?

Mrs Kayani, are you familiar at all

with the wonderful delights of Walford?

Please, come through.

Uncle Ji, could you stay?

I'd prefer to have a chaperone.

Yeah.

Aah...

She looks gorgeous.

Don't start me off. I don't want to blubber in the pics.

You seen Sharon?

No.

Jack? You OK?

HE SIGHS

Just thinking about him...

..imagining him being an old git like me...

..grey hair, crow's feet...

and making the same mistakes as his old man.

Jack, I'm so sorry.

Listen, I really thought Phil chose this church on purpose.

Phil doesn't give things that much thought.

Just the way James died...

..all that happened...

..it's easy for paranoia to creep in.

I'm sorry for that. I truly am.

-Thanks. We're going to start in a sec.

-Where is she, Phil?

-I told you I'm not doing it without her.

-Let's just start, all right?

-Can you hear me?!

-I said she'll be here, OK?

Vicar?

So it's my pleasure to welcome you to Saint Cuthbert's this New Year's Day

for Lexi's christening.

We meet in the name of the Father and of the Son

and of the Holy Spirit.

-ALL:

-Amen.

The Lord be with you.

And also with you.

I've been an idiot.

This where you take back the proposal?

No, I don't mean an idiot for asking you - it's the way I asked you.

-Jack, either way...

-Please, please.

Whatever your decision,

I don't want you thinking I wasn't being sincere, cos I was.

I love you, Sharon.

I never thought I'd be able to say that again...

but I can.

And I love you.

You say that like it ain't enough.

Is it enough?

Are you yourself a follower of Jesus Christ,

trusting the gracious promises of God?

BOTH: I am.

Are you willing to sponsor this child, answering for them now

and accepting responsibility for their Christian upbringing

in the life of the Church?

BOTH: I am willing.

I ask you now to answer in the name of this child.

Do you profess this faith?

BOTH: I do.

Will you follow Jesus faithfully